Date: Mon, 17 Oct 2005 20:26:45 -0400 From: jaden.scott@adelphia.net Subject: Lover's Lane Chapter 12--REVISED This story is a work of fiction. It depicts a romance between two consenting adult males and may contain some descriptions of sexual acts, again between two consenting adult males. If you are not of legal age to read this kind of story, please leave now. If you reside in an area where reading stories that include sexual situations between two consenting adult males is illegal, please leave now. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to any person(s) living or dead is simply a coincidence. The author retains all rights to this story. It cannot be reproduced in any form without expressed written permission from the author (me). Please contact the author for any requests. Copyright 2005. Feedback (and criticism) is ALWAYS appreciated and welcome. Please respond to this story at: jaden.scott@adelphia.net I look forward to hearing from all of you and I will respond if you write to me. Thanks to all of you who have written so far with your encouraging words. I have appreciated every one of them. Jaden **Please watch for changes in POINT-OF-VIEW.** **THIS REVISED VERSION OF THE STORY HAS BEEN FIXED--ALL SPELLING ERRORS AND PUNCTUATION ERRORS ARE HOPEFULLY GONE NOW. I ALSO REVISED SOME OF THE SENTENCES SO THAT THEY MAKE MORE SENSE. SORRY FOR THE ERRORS IN THE PREVIOUS VERSION** LOVER'S LANE by Jaden >From the end of Chapter Eleven: (Lane's POV): I wanted to hug all of them, but I was still sweaty and grimy from the game. I got up and headed upstairs to my room. I needed to shower and get ready for the party!! Jaden would be coming tonight!! I was both excited and scared at the thought of seeing him. What would happen at the party?? I guess I'll find out soon enough. **Chapter 12 is dedicated to Eric, a really great guy that I met a few months ago. Eric, somewhere along the way I stopped thinking of you as my cousin's roommate and started thinking of you as my friend. This has been an emotionally tough year for me and along the way I've re-discovered just how valuable my friends are to me. I don't label everyone I meet as a 'friend'--instead, I apply the term to those people, besides my family members, that I care the most about in this world. I respect and admire how you carry yourself and interact with the world. YOu have become a role model for me--excluding that one night of total drunken abandon when you blabbered non-stop in my car for 45 minutes straight. :) YOu have re-affirmed my thoughts that it is Ok to be gay and still be yourself and that being gay doesn't define a person--it is simply one part of the whole package. Thanks for giving me your blessing to use some of your personal story in my fictional one. I hope you think I did it justice. I'm really glad you are enjoying my story so much. Someday, when the movie version of Lover's Lane is made, the role of Lane is yours. Get your ass in the gym!! Jaden (TJ)** CHAPTER TWELVE: PARTY, INTERRUPTED------REVISED VERSION **JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW.** **12:30AM** "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!!", I screamed at the...stranger who was touching me. The hands dropped away and I moved, almost violently, away from the stranger. I was blind with fear at the moment. The black cloud of doom had complete control over me. "FINE, YOU WIN. I'M GAY. DID YOU HEAR ME?? I'M GAY. YOU'VE BEEN WANTING ME TO SAY THAT ALL NIGHT, RIGHT??" Hearing myself admit my sexuality outloud like that caused me to snap back to reality. Not complete reality, but enough that I suddenly realized I was in a room full of people. Nobody was moving or speaking. Instead, they were all staring at me, perhaps in shock over my admission and borderline crazy behavior. The next few sentences that the stranger spoke were directed at me and one other person. The words the stranger spoke greatly impacted me. I was stunned and my head was reeling. I was having a hard time processing both my uncharacteristic outburst and the words that I had just heard. Fight or flight is a powerful instinct, bred in us over millions of years of evolution. My flight instinct took control and I turned and ran out of the house. Before I knew it, I was out on the street, running as fast as I've ever run in my life. I HAD TO GET AWAY!! I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get away. Far, far away. I was slightly aware of hearing someone shout my name, but I didn't care. I was going to save myself. THIS TIME, I was going to save myself. I ran in a daze, in what I thought was no particular direction. I stopped when I reached a fence and could go no further. I was breathing heavily, and I had to bend over to catch my breath. After a few moments, my breathing started to return to normal and I took a second to look around and determine where I was. I was at the school track!! I decided to hide in there for a little bit. I discovered the gate was locked, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I hopped the fence and ran over to the seating area on the far end of the track. When I reached the seats I collapsed with my head in my hands. I started crying. I cried and I cried--I couldn't stop the tears. The events that had transpired tonight were so much worse than anything I had imagined. Earlier today, I had envisioned a possible worst case scenerio for the party--that vision paled in comparison to the actual events. My emotional state, which had been more fragile than usual these past two weeks, was completely shattered now. On top of that, I had made a complete fool of myself tonight AND I had just outed myself to about twenty people, most of whom I didn't know very well. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I was lost. What in the hell had happened tonight?? How did it all go so wrong?? What was happening to me?? What was...OH SHIT!! GEORGE!! I had left George back at the house. I had completely forgotten about him when I ran away. My best friend and, now, probably my ONLY friend. I need to get my dog back!! Can my life get any worse than this?? **7 HOURS EARLIER** LANE IS SINGLE!! LANE IS SINGLE!! Ever since Kaylie said that Lane wasn't dating anyone, that was the single thought dominating my mind. I had jumped to conclusions about the relationship between Lane and Kelly. Kelly's dating Nick!! Lane and Kelly are just FRIENDS!! Since I had been so wrong about Lane and Kelly, I realized my assumption about Lane being straight was also in question. There was still a possibility that Lane was gay. The fact that Lane was single made me feel excited because it meant that he was available. It also made me feel terrified because--it meant that he was available. I needed some time to get used to this new idea. I had finally accepted the fact that Lane was straight and dating someone--I had struggled all week to come to that acceptance. Now I find out that the possibility exists that I could have him. I didn't know whether to be elated or scared out of my mind. Angela, Kaylie, and I had split off from the others and were walking back to our respective houses on Walvern Blvd. Kaylie was practically walking on top of me the entire way there. She kept "accidentally" bumping into me, and she was constantly touching me as she talked. She was making me feel extremely uncomfortable. None of her touches had remotely the same effect on me that one of Lane's touches had. I wasn't savvy about things like flirting, but this girl didn't really leave much room for interpretation. She was all over me!! I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally made it to the driveway of the house I lived in. "This is me.", I said as we arrived at the foot of my driveway. "Did you say that you lived in an apartment in the basement??", Kaylie asked me. "Correct. I've been renting this apartment since my freshman year.", I responded as politely as I could. I wanted to get away from her as quickly as possible. "Do you live alone or do you have a roommate??", Kaylie asked, apparently determined to learn as much about me as she possibly could. "It's just me and my dog, George." "You'll have to give me the grand tour sometime. This house is huge!! I bet your apartment is...big. It sure does look...big", Kaylie said. She started to rub my arm as she was talking. She was looking me directly in the eyes. I didn't have much experience with girls, but the suggestive tone in her voice made me realize that she wasn't referring to my apartment when she said that. I moved my arm away from Kaylie as gracefully as I could and I took a few backward steps up the driveway. "Um...sure. S-sometime. Right now, though, I need to get inside and check on George. It was nice meeting both of you.", I said diplomatically. "It was nice to meet you too, Jaden.", Angela said. "Yeah, Jaden, it was a pleasure. I look forward to seeing you tonight at the party.", Kaylie said in what I can only describe as a seductive voice. I didn't know what else to say so I turned and practically ran up the driveway to the back of the house. I had to get away from this chick!! I planned on avoiding her as much as possible at the party tonight. As I rounded the corner to the back of the house, I could hear George barking, excited that I was home to free him from his imprisonment. I tried to forget about Kaylie and concentrate on other things. After I entered my apartment and gave George a little loving, I flopped on my bed and stared at the ceiling. George hopped up on the bed and laid down beside me. As I stared at the ceiling, I reflected on everything that had happened at the basketball game today. I had been so nervous as I walked to the courts located in the local park. As I approached, I immediately observed a fairly large group of people congregated near one of the back courts. I was hoping this wasn't the group I was going to meet, but that hope was quickly dashed as I spotted Lane standing with the group. I knew we were playing 3 on 3, so I had prepared myself to meet four of Lanes friends. I hadn't counted on all of their girlfriends showing up too. I was completely intimidated and I felt so self-conscious as I approached them. They were all looking at me and I almost felt like I was being studied. My self-consciousness was quickly replaced with shock when I saw my study partner Stephanie among Lane's group of friends. I wasn't expecting that and it threw me for a minute. I really liked Lane's friend Nick. All of his guy friends were great. They were a good-looking group of guys, but Lane was clearly the hottest, at least he was in my humble (and biased) opinion. All of the girls were really nice, with the exception of Kaylie. There was something about her that I didn't like from the first moment we made eye contact. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was this look in her eyes. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was looking at me like I was a juicy piece of steak she was waiting to eat. I felt very uncomfortable around her right from the start. Lane made some odd references about Nick and Stu having to be captains of the teams. I clearly got the impression that Nick and Stu were very competitive with each other. Nick really surprised me by picking me first for his team. Since none of these guys knew me, I figured I would be picked last, so it made me feel really good that Nick wanted me on his team. I was soooo embarassed when I realized I was going to be on the shirtless team. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken my shirt off around other people. To be honest, I don't know why I was so worried about my body. I worked out religiously and I ate really well so I should be proud of my accomplishments. I was disappointed because I would have loved to see Lane shirtless. I don't think I could have concentrated on the game if he was shirtless because I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to stop staring at him. I found that I quickly remembered how to play the game. I did make a few shots, which made Nick extremely happy. After the game, Nick and Lane were ebullient in their praise of my performance. I really didn't know why they were so happy and thrilled with my play. The usual doubt I felt regarding myself began to sink in and I couldn't see what they had seen in me. The two big revelations that shocked me to my core both involved Lane. First, I found out that Lane's hometown was Delaware, the town next to Hudson Valley, where I grew up. I was speechless after hearing the news. I couldn't believe that we had grown up living so close to each other. What a coincidence!! Life could throw you curveballs like that sometimes. Perhaps the biggest revelation was that Kelly was Nick's girlfriend and LANE WAS SINGLE!! I had heard Lane mention Kelly's name ONE TIME and immediately decided that they were either boyfriend and girlfriend or, at least, involved with each other in some way. I had been so wrong!! I was so thrown by the disclosure that I spoke with thinking. I think I said something like 'Nick and Kelly??' with a shocked tone in my voice. After I had a chance to think for a moment, I realized how that might have sounded and I hoped that no one, especially Lane, picked up on my surprise and started to wonder why I had reacted that way. I stopped analyzing my thougts about the events of the afternnon as I remembered that I had a party to get ready for. A party!! My first ever college party!! I started to feel extremely nervous. I wasn't sure what I was most nervous about--interacting socially with a bunch of people I didn't know very well, seeing Lane in a social situation, or my dilemma over the alcohol issue. I figured there would be alcohol at the party--I was in college after all. I had made a personal choice a long time ago that I wouldn't drink alchohol. I wasn't morally against drinking. My parents liked to drink wine. They usually had a glass with dinner or with their friends. They had never pressured me not to drink. Instead, they asked me to use common sense if I did decide to drink. In the end, I think my decision not to drink had to do with the drunken state Leon had been in during "IT". If alcohol had contributed in any small way to what had transpired during those 36 hours, I didn't want any part of it. I decided that if I was going to go to this party, I needed to get ready. I fed George when he brought his bowl over to me and I ate something as well. I took a long hot shower and got dressed. I decided to wear a pair of blue jeans and a tight-fitting gray shirt. Actually, any shirt I would have picked would have been tight-fitting, thanks to my wonderful mother. Ever since I had allowed her to help me shop for clothes, she had this thing about always picking out things that would cling to my body. She bought similar type clothes for my father, so I figured it was just her personal sense of style. I had to laugh at myself because I spent so much time on my hair. I felt like I couldn't get it to look right. I am such a GIRL, I thought to myself. When I was finally ready to leave, I walked over to the mirror on my dresser and gave myself a pep talk. "OK, Jaden, have fun tonight at the party and try to be social. I know you don't like to talk, but you have to force yourself to get involved in conversations with people. Small talk is not one of your strengths--just do your best. Remember, these are Lane's friends and you want to be Lane's friend, so try and make a good impression." George was on cloud nine that he was going out with me. He was running in circles because he was so excited. I put on George's leash and we left. The walk over to Lane's house didn't take very long since he only lived two streets away from me. We left my apartment at 8:15PM. I didn't want to show up too early, but I didn't want to be arrive late and have Lane think I didn't want to come over. Lane's house looked really nice from the outside. I definitely got the impression that this was a "college kid's" house. They had a huge porch on the front of the house that was screened in. I noticed a few people sitting on the porch as George and I made our way up the driveway. Suddenly, I heard my name called out. "Jaden. Hey bud!" I looked toward the porch and I could see Nick standing in the doorway smiling at me. George was pulling on his leash--he seemed to be anxious to get inside. I guess he really wanted to see Lane!! "Hi, Nick. Nice to see you again." "You too. Is that your dog?? What's his name??" "George.", I replied. By this point we were walking up the steps leading to porch. Nick opened the door and reached down to pet George. George stopped walking and warily looked at Nick. I had to laugh. "It's OK, George. This is Nick, one of Lane's friends.", I told my dog. Once again it seemed that my dog understood exactly what I was telling him, because he immediately went up and let Nick pet him. Uncanny!! Nick petted George for a few seconds, then moved aside to let both of us onto the porch. I looked and recognized that Kelly, Stephanie, and Stu were the other people sitting on the porch. The all greeted me with a 'Hey Jaden, glad you could come' of differing variations. I greeted all of them in return. Once the door to the porch was closed, I took George's leash off. He approached Stu and the girls carefully at first, but within a few seconds he warmed up to them and let all of them pet him. I realized that George was going to get spoiled tonight with all of this attention. Stu came over to where Nick and I were standing and shook my hand. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the basketball phenom. I see you've come to grace us with your presence.", he said sarcastically, but with a smile on his face. "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's still bitter about the total destruction his team suffered on the courts today.", Nick said to me. "Nick, my dear friend, you better enjoy this moment. I promise it's the last you'll have. Prepare yourself to get slaughtered next week.", Stu said. "You better hope to win that coin toss next week because your only chance to fulfill that little promise is if you have Jaden on your team. Otherwise, you better prepare YOURSELF for another defeat!!", Nick retorted. "Calm down, boys!! You guys are getting worse as the years go by!! It's just a GAME!!", Kelly shouted at them. "Lane and the rest of they guys are in the house playing video games. There's cold beer in the fridge. Help yourself.", Nick said to me. "Um...thanks. Come on George." I opened the front door and entered the house, George following behind me. The entrance led to a small hallway with a closet. One sharp right, and I was in what appeared to be the living room. I could hear music playing from some unseen CD player. I looked around and saw about nine or ten other people in the room. They were all watching Clint and Tim play some type of car racing game. I looked, but didn't see Lane anywhere. "Jaden!! You came!!", a voice yelled out. I recognized who it was immediately--Kaylie. I turned my head and saw Kaylie running up to George and I. "Is this George?? He's soooo cute!! Hi George!!", Kaylie exclaimed. She bent down to start petting him. George, to his credit, kept trying to get away from her, but she was too persistent. He finally laid down on the ground and let her pet him. I could just imagine George thinking 'Let's get this over with'. I felt my instincts about Kaylie were right on the money, especially if George didn't like her. Kaylie finished with George and turned her attention back to me. She grabbed my hand and started pulling me over to the couch she had been sitting on. "Jaden, come over here and sit down with me, OK??", she practically ordered me. "Actually, I was looking..." "Where are my manners?? I bet you want something to drink first.", she said, interrupting me. Did she think that proper manners included interrupting someone?? "Let's go into the kitchen and get you a beer." Before I had a chance to respond to anything she had just said, she started to pull me in the direction of the kitchen or, at least, the direction I assumed the kitchen was in. George followed us. We finally arrived at a doorway leading into the kitchen, but we had to stop as someone was blocking our path. He had his back to us, but I instantly recognized him--it was Lane. He turned around when he heard us approaching. He looked really good, just like always. He was wearing jean shorts and a sleeveless red shirt. I noticed he wasn't wearing any socks or shoes and I got my first chance to see his feet. Man--even his FEET were sexy!! Lane started to smile as he noticed me. "Jaden!! Good to see you. Welcome to my humble abode.", he said to me. George immediately ran up to Lane and started begging for some attention. Lane bent down to pet my dog. I thought George's tail was going to fly off it was wagging so fast. "H-hey L-Lane. T-thanks for inviting us." DAMMIT!! I was stuttering around him again. No matter how many times I had seen Lane over the past two weeks or how much time I spent with him, I was always extremely nervous when we first met up. I tried to will myself to calm down. "I was showing Jaden where the kitchen is so he could grab a beer.", Kaylie explained to Lane. "Thanks, Kaylie. I think I can handle it from here.", Lane said as he stood up from petting George. "I have to try and be a good host. I appreciate you helping out, but I'll take it from here. OK??", Lane said in a rather firm voice. "But...I...fine. Whatever YOU want, Lane.", Kaylie replied. It sounded to me like she said Lane's name with a sneer in her voice. She turned her attention back to me. "I'll be in the living room, Jaden. You better come find me.", she said in a sing-song voice. She squeezed my arm and headed back into the living room. Lane looked at me and rolled his eyes. I tried, but could not stifle a laugh. I quickly forgot about Kaylie as Lane started speaking to me. "How are you?? Did you have any trouble finding the house??" "I didn't have any problems. This is a great place, Lane." "Would you like the grand tour??" "Sounds good. Lead the way." George and I followed Lane as he took us through the entire house. He had a fuuny anecdote to share for every room in the house--including the bathrooms!! Lane seemed so excited showing me where he lived. He was being really cute. We ended our little expedition back in the kitchen. "And that concludes the tour of 'Casa de Lane'. What did you think??" "I really like your house, Lane. To be honest with you, the one thing that surprised me is how clean it is!! I just assumed, with four college guys living here, that it would be a bit more...dirty.", I said, choosing my words carefully. I didn't want him to be offended because I assumed they would be messy. "Did you think it was going to be a 'pig sty'??", he asked me with a laugh. I smiled back at him and nodded my head. "Believe it or not, the girl's house is messier than ours. Listen, none of us are clean freaks, but we all pitch in and try to keep some order, at least until the week of finals. If you want to see the house in shambles, stop by that week. It can get pretty bad in here." "I'll have to check it out." "So, what can I get you to drink?? We have bottled beer in the fridge. In the cooler over there", he said, pointing to the cooler sitting on the floor, "we have canned beer. I hope you don't like beer from a keg because we don't have one of those tonight." This was a moment I had been dreading. What should I do?? Should I take a beer and just pretend to drink it?? Should I admit to Lane that I don't drink?? What if Lane is the type that likes to get wasted on a regular basis?? Would he think I was stupid for not wanting to drink?? I had heard all about peer pressure and I knew that it wasn't a good idea to succumb to it. I'm going to refuse the beer. I don't want to start doing things I wouldn't normally do just because I might like a guy!! I think that would be pathetic. If Lane doesn't like me because I don't drink, then he's not the type of person I want to be friends with. "Um, Lane...I don't...I don't really...drink...alcohol. Thanks for offering. Could I just get some water, please??" I could tell that my response threw him, but he recovered quickly and quite nicely. "Sure!! No problem. In fact, I think we have some bottled water in the fridge. Let me check." He opened the fridge and bent over to look inside. By this point, I had accepted the fact that I found him attractive, so I didn't waste the opportunity to get a good look at his butt while he in that position. As always, I wasn't disappointed. He had a fine ass!! Lane turned around with two bottles of water in his hand. He gave one of them to me, then twisted the cap off of the other bottle and starting drinking out of it himself. Was he drinking water just because I said I didn't want any beer?? "Thanks. Lane, you, uh, you don't have to drink water just because I am. If that's the case, it's really swe---um, I mean nice of you. If you want a beer, that's cool with me. I don't have anything against drinking. I simply choose not to. It's a personal choice." "It's not a big deal. Truthfully, I wasn't in the mood to drink tonight anyway. You know, I'm, um, I'm not normally a big drinker. What I mean is, I don't go out getting drunk all of the time." It sounded like he really wanted me to believe that he wasn't a big drinker. He didn't need to say it, but I had to admit that it did make me feel better knowing that alcohol wasn't a big part of his life. At least that's one less issue I have to worry about. With that thought, the black cloud of doom decided to make its first appearence of the evening. Why is it one less issue I have to worry about?? Because Lane and I are going to be together?? Get real, Jaden!! Stop thinking about you and Lane as a potential couple. It ain't gonna happen!! I had to will the black cloud of doom to go away. I didn't need it interfering with my night. I resolved to forget my negative line of thinking so I replaced those thoughts with the following: 'Whatever the reason, it was really nice of Lane to drink water too.' "Would you like to go back to the living room??", Lane asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I'll introduce you to some of the people you don't know yet." "Sounds good. And Lane, thanks." I said. I wasn't sure if he understood I was thanking him for being so cool about the drinking issue, but he gave me a big smile as we were exiting the kitchen, so maybe he understood what I meant. I saw that the living room was pretty well packed when Lane and I walked in. Nick and some other guy I didn't know where playing a video game. It was a football game, but I didn't know which one. "You guys remember Jaden, right??", Lane announced to everyone in the room. "Jaden, you've met Angela, Kaylie, Tim, Clint, Nick, Stephanie, Stu, Kelly, and Chrissy. That's Ryan and his girlfriend Vicki." I knew Ryan--he was another of my study partners. "That's Mark playing the video game with Nick and that's Mark's, um, friend Nate sitting over in that chair." Everyone looked and greeted me in some way--with the exception of Mark and his friend Nate. There was something about those two I didn't like. I wasn't sure what it was. Ryan and Vicki walked over to us. Just like earlier today with Stephanie, it felt weird to see Ryan in a social situation. I shook hands with him. "Hey Jaden. How are you doing??", Ryan said to me. "Great, thanks" "Stephanie told me you were coming over tonight. I couldn't believe it--Jaden Scott in a social setting!! I was very curious to see that. I mean, I've known you all of these years, but we've only seen each other when we were studying." "I know what you mean, Ryan. It was a bit...strange when I saw Stephanie today and realized that she knew Lane." "How long have you two known each other?? Did you guys just meet or...??" "I met Lane at the beginning of this semester at the student gym. We decided to become work-out partners." I said as I looked over at Lane. He nodded in agreement. "That's cool. Jaden, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Vicki. Vicki, this is my study partner, Jaden!!" "It's nice to FINALLY meet you, Jaden.", Vicki said. "I've heard Ryan talk about you for awhile now. I met Stephanie and Marissa a long time ago, and I was beginning to wonder if you were a figment of their imaginations." "Nope, I'm real, here in the flesh." "And some hot flesh it is too.", Vicki said. Then--she winked at me!! "Hey woman. Don't forget you already have a man. Keep your paws off my study partner!!", Ryan yelled at Vicki, a smile on his face. "Don't worry, sweetie. Your all the man that I need!!" With that being said, Ryan and Vicki started making out right in front of us. Lane and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. "There's some open seats on the couch. Do you want to sit down??", Lane asked me. "Yeah, sounds good." As we headed over to the couch, I suddenly remembered my dog. Where was that mutt?? I looked around and finally saw him. He had made his way over to Tim, who was petting him. Lane and I sat in the empty seats on the couch. Lane sat in the middle and I sat to one side. That creepy guy Nate was sitting on the other end. The couch wasn't very big, which caused Lane and I to bump into each other a few times--mostly our feet and legs. Every touch was...thrilling. We both turned our attention to the video game being played. As I was watching the game, I got the feeling that someone was watching me!! Sure enough, when I looked over in Kaylie's direction, she was staring at me. It was really disturbing!! Tim finished petting George, who promptly walked over and sat down on the floor right in front of Lane. My dog is having the love affair with Lane that I can only dream of!! Lane and I made some small talk for awhile. It felt really good to be hanging out like this and talking to him. I was actually starting to relax and enjoy myself--and I was at a party!! The more we talked, the less I noticed the rest of the world around me, even the stare-down that Kaylie was giving me. "Hey guys." Clint said as he walked over to us. "We're going to have a video game tournament playing the football game. It's a five dollar buy-in, single elimination, winner takes all. YOu guys want in??" I wasn't too sure if I wanted to play. I looked over at Lane to see what his reaction was. He was looking right back at me, probably gauging my reaction. "I don't know. I've never played this game before.", I said. I didn't want to say I had never played a video game before. I didn't want to look stupid in front of these guys, especially Lane. "Give it a try, Jaden.", Lane said. "I'll explain to you how to work the controller for this game." It might be fun, I thought. I knew I would lose, but--how badly can I embarass myself on a video game?? Eight people ended up playing in the tournament--Clint, Stu, Nick, Tim, Lane, Ryan, Mark, and myself. The winner would make a profit of $35.00, which is alot of money for a poor college student!! After a blind draw, I ended up in the first game playing against Tim. Ryan drew Lane in the second game. Stu was playing Clint in the third game, which meant Mark would play Nick in the final game of the first round. The answer to my previous question was 121 to 0. I repeat, 121 to 0--that's how badly I can embarass myself. I had no coordination with the game controller, even with the excellent, but quick, tutorial that Lane had given me. It was humiliating!! Of course, Tim had to rub it in. "Well, well, well, Mr. King of the Courts. You might be a better basketball player than me, but I just handed you your ASS!! I didn't even know a team could score that many points in one game!!" Tim had a smile on his face and I knew that he was egging me on. I looked at the expectant faces around me. I had to salvage my dignity!! "You're right, Tim, you beat me. Congratulations. You are very skillful moving those FAKE players around the TV screen. I think I'll just stick to playing a REAL game--you know, something that requires actual athletic skill. You do know what a REAL GAME is, don't you?? Oh, that's right, you do. If I recall correctly, I handed you YOUR ASS on the basketball courts j ust this afternoon.", I retorted. "Damn straight, Jaden!!", Clint cried out. "You tell him!!", Lane yelled. He reached over and gave me a high-five. Everyone started laughing, including Tim, who also shook my hand. I suddenly realized there was no need to feel embarassed about the video game. We were all just having fun. I couldn't believe it--I was interacting with my peers on a SOCIAL level. They were giving me shit and I was giving it right back. I actually felt like I was a part of the group. Maybe this night won't turn out to be so bad after all. I returned to my seat on the couch. I was proud of myself. I can do this!! "Lane!! Ryan!! You guys are up!!", Tim shouted. "Kick his ass, Lane!!", I yelled. Lane smiled at me while giving me the 'thumbs up' sign. I was having alot of fun. My fun came to a crashing halt as soon as Lane sat down to take his turn in the tournament. The minute that he left the couch, Kaylie came over and plopped down right next to me. My good mood was gone in an instant. I noticed that George got up and walked away almost immediately after Kaylie sat down. Lucky bastard!! "So, Jaden, why haven't you come over to talk to me??", she said while trying to make a pouty expression on her face. She was failing miserably. Plus, she was touching me again, this time in two places--one hand on my arm and one on my knee. This girl is coming on really strong!! Does she ever stop?? "I apologize. I was talking to Lane and I got side-tracked playing in the tournament.", I said as politely as I could. I don't know why I was apologizing and making excuses for not talking to her. I wanted her to go away!! "Your forgiven--this time.", she said while giving me a squeeze on the arm. She proceeded to start blabbering about...well, I wasn't sure. It was incessent noise as far as I was concerned. I tried to tune her out as much as possible, but she was hard to ignore, especially because he had started caressing my arm. I had felt very uncomfortable when she was touching me, but that feeling was nowhere near the vicinity of how horrible I felt once she started caressing my arm. There was something about the way she was caressing me that reminded me of...something. I couldn't put my finger on it. All I knew was that it reminded me of something bad. Really, really bad. I was almost at my breaking point when I was saved. I was rescued by someone who I didn't know very well and, therefore, wouldn't have expected to help me out--Vicki. She came over and interrupted Kaylie, who on some rant about god knows what. "Jaden, would you like to dance with me??", Vicki asked. "Ryan's playing the video game against Lane and I want to dance." I realized that a slow song had just come on the CD player. Under normal circumstances, I probably would have felt really weird about Vicki's request. At the moment, however, it sounded like the best idea in the world. "Of course I would!!", I practically shouted. I quickly jumped up off the couch. "I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later Kaylie." I glanced down at her as I said that. Oh man, if looks could kill!! She was clearly pissed about this turn of events and she wasn't even trying to hide her emotions. "Whatever.", she spat. This girl is bitchy, I thought, but I really didn't care. I was just glad to get away from her. Vicki and I walked over to the far side of the living room. I had never danced with a girl--in fact I had never danced with anyone before. I wasn't sure where to put my hands and arms but, luckily, it was fairly simple. Vicki put her arms around my neck and I figured out I was supposed to put my arms around her waist. We started swaying to the music. "You looked like you could use some help back there. Am I right??", Vicki asked me. I started to laugh. "Yes, and thanks. I wasn't sure what to do. She was coming on really strong." "I could tell you were uncomfortable. Don't take this this wrong way, Jaden, but you aren't anything special. She does that with every new guy she meets. She'll lose interest, eventually." "That's a relief. I was getting worried that I wouldn't be able to get rid of her. I'll have to invite someone to come over with me the next time I come. Hopefully she can become HIS problem." Vicki laughed at my little joke. "Once again, I have to say that it is really nice to finally meet you, Jaden. Ryan has said some nice things about you." "Really?? That's...interesting. To be honest, I don't really know Ryan that well." "That's not surprising. You loner types rarely get to know the people around you." "Loner types??" "Yep. You don't get to know anyone, at least not on a deep level. Everyone is just an acquaintance to you." I was surprised at how accurately Vicki was able to analyze me, especially since we had only known each other for about two hours. She was a very perceptive girl. She was also very direct and blunt, but there was something comforting about her bluntness. I decided that I liked Vicki alot. "You certainly don't pull any punches, do you, Vicki??", I asked her. "My mother raised me to tell it like it is. I've found it makes my life easier, especially my relationship with Ryan." "So how long have you and Ryan...??" "Almost two years." "That's great." "You're a creative writing major like Ryan, right?? I'm majoring in graphic arts." "Graphic arts?? That sounds like an interesting major." "It keeps me busy. Between school, Ryan, and football, I'm constantly on the go." "Football??" "I play in a professional women's football league." "Wow. I didn't even know that those leagues existed. Are there that many girls out there that like to play football??" "You'd be surprised. We have six teams in our league right now." "Impressive. I'll have to come watch one of your games sometime." I looked over and noticed that Kaylie was staring at us (most likely just at me) while we danced. The uncomfortable feeling I had been battling all night came roaring back. I think Vicki felt me stiffen up because she looked around and noticed Kaylie staring at us too. "She loves the guys that play hard to get", Vicki said to me. "She'll lose interest much more quickly if you just tell her." "Tell her?? Tell her what??" "That you're not interested in her. It would probably be better if you tell her you're not interested in girls in general." WHAT?? What was Vicki saying? Did she...know about me?? That I'm gay?? How could she know?? I started sweating and I tried to pull away from Vicki but she just tightened her grip on me. "Jaden. JADEN. Look at me.", Vicki said in a firm voice. I looked her in the eyes. "Honey, please don't worry. I won't tell anyone." "You...you won't tell anyone...what??", I said. I was trying to play off her comments. I certainly didn't want to out myself. Maybe I was being too sensitive. Maybe she didn't mean what I think she meant. I was stricken with fear inside, however. How did she know?? "Listen, I have a ton of friends who are gay." She said GAY!! She knows!! "I pegged you as being gay from the first second I met you." "I...I..." "Sweetie--it's OK. I promise I won't say anything to anyone. I just wanted you to know that I knew. I love gay people!! One of my best friends is my gay friend Eric. When I'm home for the summer and Ryan isn't around, Eric and I are cuddle-buddies. He'd LOVE you, by the way." Was she really OK with this?? Should I admit my sexuality to her?? I felt like I could trust her and I believed her when she said she wouldn't tell anyone. "Does Ryan...??" "He doesn't have a clue. He would be OK with it, if you wanted to tell him. He's the most liberal person I've ever met, besides me, of course." My head was spinning. I just came out. Vicki knows I'm gay. I didn't know what to say and I think Vicki picked up on that. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out, Jaden. Like you said, I don't pull any punches." "I'm not sure what to say. You're the first--the first person besides my parents that I've ever said anything to." "Like I said, your secret is safe with me. If you wanted to come out, I can guarantee you that everyone here would be OK with it. Look at Mark and Nate--they're gay and boyfriends!!" "Mark and Nate??!!" "Yep--and everyone here knows. Trust me, Jaden, nobody would have a problem with you being gay." "I guess it's something to think about. I'm not ready to do it right now. I just met most of these people today. And Lane, well, I'm not ready to tell him yet either." "Honey, Lane..." "Can I cut in, Jaden?? You've been taking up all of my lady's time.", Ryan said, interrupting Vicki. "Hey, Jaden's been keeping me company while you were off playing that stupid video game, so don't give him a hard time. But, now that you're finished...OK, Jaden--scoot. I need to dance with my man!!", Vicki said. AAAARRRGGGGHHH!!! Oh my god, Ryan had the worst timing ever. Lane...what?? What?? I desperately wanted to ask Vicki what she was going to say, but she was lost in her own little world with Ryan already. FUCK!! I turned and looked at everyone in the living room. Stu and Clint were taking their turn playing the video game. I didn't see Lane anywhere. Thankfully, Kaylie was nowhere in sight. George came walking up to me and gave me a single bark, his signal that he needed to go out. "Come on, George. Let's go out to the backyard." George and I made our way to the back of the house and found a door that led to the backyard. George walked into the yard and started sniffing around for a place to do his business. A pair of arms suddenly snaked around me and grabbed me around my waist. For a split second, I imagined they were Lane's arms, but that illusion was quickly shattered as I realized who the arms really belonged to. I jumped away from the arms and spun around. "Kaylie!!", I shouted. "You...um...you surprised me!!" "Somebody's a little jumpy tonight, I see. I can think of a few ways to calm you down.", she said in that seductive tone of voice again. She started to caress my arm. The horrible feeling I had earlier was back, and it was stronger than before. I still could not figure out why I was reacting so negatively to her touch. Whatever it was, I knew that I had enough of this thing with Kaylie. I wanted her to leave me alone!! "Kaylie, I...I don't think that..." "What?? What is it?? You don't want me?? Is that it, Jaden??" Vicki's bluntness had been completely charming. Kaylie acting the same way was downright scary and even a little bit threatening. How am I going to talk myself out of this?? "It's just...what I mean is..." Crap, I didn't know what to say to this girl. I had never been in this situation before, with either a guy or a girl. "What do you mean?? Are you like, GAY, or something??" WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?? In less than 15 minutes, two girls had accused me of being gay. I decided to confirm my sexuality to Vicki because I instinctively trusted her. Kaylie, on the other hand, did not inspire that same kind of trust. I was not about to tell her my secret because my suspicion was she'd go blabbering it to everyone. I didn't like to lie, but I figured I was justified under these conditions. "Gay?? No, I'm not gay. I'm just...a little shy, alright?? You're coming on a bit strong." This night was starting to spin out of control. I needed to get away from Kaylie and compose myself. "So, you're not gay then, right??", Kaylie asked, a bit of incredulity in her voice. What was this pre-occupation with my sexuality all of the sudden?? I didn't like this, not one bit. Think, Jaden, think!! What can I say to talk myself out of this predicament. "No, I'm not." Well, THAT was just brilliant, I thought sarcastically about my own comment. "What's the problem then?? You're single, I'm single....", Kaylie trailed off. 'HELP!! I NEED HELP!! LANE, WHERE ARE YOU??!!', I was screaming in my mind. In an answer to prayer, I heard a voice come from behind us. Lane's voice!! Thank God!! I had been rescued for a THIRD TIME tonight from Kaylie's clutches. "Jaden, is that you outside?? At the sound of Lane's voice, George ran into the house to see him. I had to exert every ounce of self control I have ever had in my life not to take off running too. "Yeah, Lane. Kaylie and I are out here." Lane appeared in the doorway in second later. I wanted to run up and hug him, not in a sexual or flirty way, just to thank him for saving me!! "I was just letting George out.", I continued. Suddenly, I was worried. I'm outside...in the dark...with Kaylie!! I didn't want Lane to think I was into her. I needed to give him an explanation when I got a chance. All three of us were silent for a few moments. I'm positive that both Lane and I wanted Kaylie to leave, and I'm sure Kaylie was feelilng the same way about Lane. Kaylie was the first one of us to speak, apparently not able to contain herself any longer. "Lane, don't you have a video game to go play??" Her tone suggested that she was annoyed that Lane was "interrupting" us. "Not right now, Kaylie. Mark and Nick just started playing their first round game." Kaylie was clearly frustrated by his response. I had been noticing as the night progressed that I could always tell how she was feeling because she wore her emotions on her sleeve. "Well, Jaden and I..." "Were about to come back inside.", I said, interrupting her for once. Let's see how she liked it!! I don't know if I should have been proud of myself, because she gave me a pretty nasty look. I might have just made the situation with Kaylie worse, I thought to myself. I tried to put her out of my mind as I went back in the house. The three of us walked into the living room. Upon seeing Kaylie, Angela yelled that she needed to talk to her, so Kaylie went over to see what she wanted. I looked around but there weren't any seats available. "Would you like to go hang out on the porch for awhile??", Lane asked me. "Sounds like a good idea.", I replied. Once we were all situated on the porch (with George once again laying down at Lane's feet), I decided to bring up the Kaylie issue. I hoped I could find some way to let Lane know that I wasn't looking to be with her. "Lane, can I ask you a question about something?" "Shoot" "I'm not sure how to phrase this question, so I'll just be direct.", I said. If being direct worked for Vicki, maybe I'd have some luck if I tried it. "What is up with Kaylie?? What's her story??" "Has she been giving you a hard time tonight??", Lane asked me. He was starting to get upset. "Um...nothing too bad. She's made it pretty clear that she wants something to happen between the two of us. I don't know her well enough to figure out how to turn her down without hurting her feelings." I was at the point where I didn't really care if I hurt Kaylie's feelings, but I decided to try and downplay our interactions because I didn't want Lane to get any more upset than he already was. "I'm really sorry, Jaden. I talked to her and asked her to leave you alone. Apparently she didn't listen to me." I didn't want to elaborate too much on what had happened with Kaylie. I didn't want to reveal to Lane anything specific because I would have to reveal the gay issue and I wasn't prepared for that. "It's not your fault, Lane. I guess I was just curious why she acts the way she does." Lane was silent for a few moments, perhaps determining exactly what he wanted to say about Kaylie. "My problems with Kaylie go way back. She's got some issues too, especially when it comes to me. It's difficult to explain." "Were you guys ever a couple??" Please say no. Please say no. "NO WAY. The situation is just...complicated. I'm sorry that you are feeling some of the fallout." I guess that was the best answer I was going to get, at least for tonight. There was more to the story, I was absolutely sure of it. His answer had raised some more questions in my mind. For instance, what did Kaylie going after me have anything to do with Lane?? Lane clearly did not want to talk about it, so I decided not to push the issue. After that discussion, we talked about various things. Nothing serious, just mundane life stuff. As much as I tried to enjoy the time I was spending with Lane, I was having a really hard time taking my mind off the horrible negative feelings I had experienced earlier with Kaylie. Something was nagging me, but I still couldn't figure out what it was. The front door banged open and Nick came walking onto the porch. He had a triumphant look on his face. "I just kicked Mark's ass in my first round game. Man, he is pissed. You should have heard him talking earlier. He was sooooo cocky, thinking he was going to win the tournament and the forty bucks. I'm so glad I was able to shut him up.", Nick said to us. Then he lowered his voice and said, "I don't like that asshole. I'm not sure why he and his boyfriend are here tonight, although I have my suspicions. If he starts anything with Marissa, I'm going to take his head off." Marissa?? Did he mean my study partner?? I had to assume he meant her, especially since these guys were friends with my other two study partners. I was glad to hear that Nick didn't like Mark either. There was something about him and boyfriend that I didn't care for. "The semifinals are set now. Tim is playing Stu in the second game, which means...you and me in the first game, buddy!!", Nick said, directing his comments to Lane. "I hope you're ready because I'm on fire tonight!!" "Oh, I'm ready. Don't doubt that fact.", Lane responded back to Nick. "Come on inside and let's get started!!", Nick shouted. He ran back into the house. "I guess I have to go play. Are you going to come in and watch??", Lane asked me. "You go ahead. I'll be in shortly.", I replied. I really wanted some time alone to collect my thoughts. "Good luck." "Thanks.", Lane said. He got up off of the couch we had been sitting on and went inside the house, George following faithfully behind him. I had to smile--maybe I should give my dog to Lane. He clearly likes him better than me!! After Lane and George went inside, I sat back and tried to relax. Ahhhh, peace and quiet, or at least more peaceful and quieter than it was INSIDE of the house. Unfortunately, I wasn't alone for very long, but I brightened up when I saw who came out to the porch. "Marissa!! Hi!!.", I exclaimed. "JADEN!! You're actually here!! Steph told me you were around, but I had to see it for myself." "It's good to see you." "It's good to see you too. I don't think I've ever seen you outside of a classroom or the library before. This is a little strange!!" "Both Ryan and Stephanie have made a similar comments. I was surprised that you guys knew Lane." "Yeah, I've known all of these guys for a couple of years now.", Marissa said. For a brief moment I felt a sense of sorrow as I realized I had wasted alot of time at school caught up in my own little world. I hadn't tried to made any friends in college, even with my study partners. So far, it had been great to see them and talk to them socially. I had missed out on alot!! "Why are you coming out to the porch all by yourself, Marissa?? I hope that's not too personal to ask." "It's OK that you asked. To be honest, it's a long story, Jaden. I just needed a few minutes by myself to collect my thoughts." "I can leave if you want to be alone..." "NO!! Please, stay. Maybe I'll tell you what's going on, if you're willing to listen. I need to talk to someone who's impartial to this whole mess. You don't mind, do you??" "Go right ahead. I'll try to help anyway I can." "Basically, the problem is my ex-boyfriend. He actually had the nerve to show his face here tonight. I'm pissed about that!! He met these people through ME. These are MY friends." "Who is your ex??". I asked, although I had a pretty good idea based on what Nick had said earlier. "Mark. Did you get a chance to meet him tonight??" "Briefly", I responded. "He's a fucking asshole. I can't believe I dated him for an entire year!! What a waste!!" "Can I asked you what happened??" "Too much. We met right before the school year ended, over a year ago. We talked all summer long. I came back for the new school year and, before I knew it, we were living together. What I should say is he was living in MY house. He was out of work and needed a place to stay, so I let me crash with me. My other roommates weren't too happy about it, but they put up with him for my sake. I thought that I was in love. I put him up RENT FREE for a few months until he was able to get a job!!" "I thought everything was going so good.", Marissa continued. "I ignored his flaws, at least as much as I could. When the school year was over, I decided that I didn't want to be away from him for three months, so I got a job in town and stayed here all summer long. At first, everything was OK. Then one night we went out and met up with some of his friends from work. They were the ones who introduced us to Nate." "Yeah, I met Nate before too." "Mark and Nate really hit it off that first night. Over the next few weeks, we started seeing more and more of him, but always as a couple. Soon enough, Mark and Nate started hanging out just by themselves. I didn't think anything of their friendship at first. Actually, I was glad that Mark was making a new friend. I started to get suspicious after the first night Mark didn't come home because he had crashed over at Nate's house. A couple of days later, I saw him wearing a sweatshirt that I had never seen before. When I asked him where he got it, he admitted to me that it was Nate's shirt. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it was difficult. Finally, I confronted him about his 'friendship' with Nate. He started crying like a little baby and told me that--get this--he suddenly realized he was GAY and wanted to break up with me and start dating Nate." Vicki had already told me that Mark and Nate were boyfriends, so I was expecting Marissa's story to include the part about Mark being gay. It was disconcerting, nevertheless. What in God's name is going on here tonight?? Am I just being paranoid, or does the gay issue keep coming up over and over again. I knew that Marissa wasn't saying anything about me being gay, but it was still weird that the issue kept reappearing. My feeling of uneasiness about the gay issue was adding fuel to the negative feelings that Kaylie had invoked in me. "He was gay?? YOu must have been shocked!!", I said. "I was. He then had the audacity to want to continue living WITH ME!! He breaks up with me, turns gay, gets a new boyfriend, and somehow expects me to continue taking care of him. I wasn't going to put up with that so I threw his ass out on the street and told him to go shack up with his new boyfriend since they were so much in love. Mark said some really hurtful and hateful things to me that night, things I know I didn't deserve." "I had done so much for him over the past year. First, I loved him. On top of that, I let me live with me--a few months for FREE, I cooked for him, cleaned for him, washed his clothes, etc., etc. What do I get in return?? I get shit on." "Wow, Marissa. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that." "I've tried to put him out of my mind, and I've been doing a good job, until tonight. Why did he have to show up here?? Why did he have to bring his new boy-toy?? He knew I was going to be here tonight. He showed up just to be an asshole. He wants to hurt me. The worst part is I'm letting him get to me, which is soooo pathetic. God, he makes me mad!!" I wasn't sure what to say to Marissa about this whole situation. I didn't have any relationship experience to draw on or great words of wisdom to offer. Luckily, she saved me from having to say anything. "Gosh, Jaden. I'm so sorry to dump all of this on you. I guess I needed to vent. Thanks for listening to me." "Anytime, Marissa, anytime." "I shouldn't be letting that dickhead bother me. I should be happy because I met someone this week." "You did??" "Actually, I met a couple of someones. I know what you're thinking. I have a broken heart and I'm on the rebound. I'm not looking for any type of long term commitment. It's feels good that someone has taken an interest in me. Both of them seem like great guys. One is this really cute guy that started working with me a few weeks ago. He's sooo adorable. The other guy is a really hot Italian!!" "Do you like Italian guys??" "I do now!!", she said with a laugh. "He's soooo sweet and he sends me the cutest text messages. The other guy, the guy that I work with, came over the other night. We stayed up all night long watching movies and talking. I'm not sure which guy I like better!! It's actually a nice problem to have for a change." "Well, I'm glad that you found a couple of someones. Is 'someones' even a word??", I said. Marissa laughed at me. "I'm just glad to be having so much fun. I didn't realize how miserable I was with Mark until he left. Everyone has noticed how much happier I've been lately. It's fun just to be having fun. When I was with Mark, I drove myself crazy sometimes. I developed this intense desire to constantly clean, especially when I was around him. I haven't had that feeling since he left. I'm also noticing how much happier everyone who lives in my house has gotten. I didn't realize it at the time, but Mark was constantly complaining about everything. He made everyone so feel so uneasy. Frankly, I'm glad he's gone. He was like a stone I had in my shoe. I finally got rid of the stone, and I'm walking free and easy now!!" "That's great. I'm glad you're doing so well, Marissa." "Thanks Jaden. You know what?? I'm done wallowing. I'm done feeling sorry for myself because Mark and Nate are here. I'm not going them get to me anymore tonight!!" "That's a good attitude to have." "I'm going back inside. I'm not going to hide from my friends simply because Mark and Nate are here. Do you want to join me??" "No thanks. I think I'm going to sit out here for a bit longer and enjoy the fresh air." "OK. And, Jaden--it's really good to see you and talk to you outside of the classroom. I'm glad that you came over here tonight." She turned and went inside before I had a chance to respond to her. Despite all of the negative feelings I was having tonight, it made me feel good to hear her say that about me. I sat outside for about five minutes after Marissa left, just trying to clear my mind of those bad feelinga. I realized I was being anti-social by sitting out here all by myself, so I decided to go into the house. I walked to the front door and opened it, but before I could enter, Kaylie came pushing her way out. She blocked the entrance to the house so I couldn't go inside, not unless I physically moved her out of the way. "So, you never got a chance to answer my question earlier--before we were so rudely interupted by Lane." Does this girl EVER give up?? What is going on with her?? She has to realize by now that I'm not into her. She can't be that stupid. I know I haven't been leading her on or giving her any indication that I'm interested. Is this what dating is all about?? I hope that Kaylie was an aberration, not the norm. She started walking toward me and I started taking steps backward to keep a distance between us. Before long, I was backed up against the wall. She walked up to me and put her hands on my chest, lightly touching me. She was looking down as she started to speak again. "Jaden, what is it?? Don't you like me??" I didn't know what to say. I was having a hard time concentrating because she was touching me again. I needed her to stop touching me. I was even more agitated by her touch than I was earlier. It wasn't so much her touch, but the WAY she was touching me. I suddenly had a powerful sense of deja vu, but I still couldn't figure out where I had felt this before. The dread I felt was incredibly intense. I had to get away from her. I didn't even think, I just moved, bumping Kaylie out of my way in the process. I ran toward the door and stopped. "Kaylie,", I said after a few seconds. I had my back to her. "I'm...flattered that you're interested in me, but I'm not sure I can feel the same way about you that you want me to." I realized as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I had made a mistake, that I had basically made an admission of my true sexuality. I hoped that she didn't realize what I was saying. I can't let her get me flustered because I'm not watching what I'm say. I need to stay in control. I turned around to face her. Unfortunately for me, she caught the meaning of my last statement and attacked me again. "You can't because...why?? If you're gay, just tell me. There's already some gay guys here tonight. Just say it like this: 'I'm gay'. See how simple it is??" Why does she want me to out myself so badly?? She's daring me to open up and come out. What had happened between her and Lane that was making her act like this?? Why was she taking her frustration with Lane out on me?? I needed to ask Lane about Kaylie again. After what I had been through tonight, he owed me a better explanation. "Kaylie, for the last time, I'm not gay. I'm not sure why you keep pursuing this subject, but I'd appreciate it if you stopped." "Whatever, Jaden. Keep your little secret if you have too." And with that, she pushed past me and went back into the house. She was gone and I was alone. I wasn't used to having all of this...drama in my life. This is turning out to be a strange evening. About thirty seconds after Kaylie walked back into the house, Lane and George came back onto the porch. "Hey Jaden,", Lane said. "What have you been up to??" "I was just talking to Marissa.", I replied. I did not feel like rehashing the incident I just had with Kaylie, not yet anyway. I still planned on getting a more comprehensive explanation from Lane about Kaylie but I didn't want to talk about her right now. "So, did you win your game??" "Narrowly. I'm in the finals. Tim and Stu are playing right now. I'll face the winner of that match for the championship." "Cool." I sat down on the couch while Lane sat down on one of the chairs. George promptly laid down at his feet. He hadn't even acknowledged my presence when he came out with Lane!! We chatted about pro football for awhile. Lane and I discovered that we were both huge fans of the New England Patriots and we agreed that Tom Brady was the best quarterback in the NFL. Lane told me that Clint had been devastated when the Eagles hadn't made it to Super Bowl this past year. Clint had grown up in Philadelphia and he was a die-hard Eagles fan. He was hoping that the addition of Terrell Owens to the team would finally put them over the top. I was trying to be relaxed while talking to Lane and I was trying to enjoy the time I was getting to spend with him. Unfortunately, after the most recent episode with Kaylie, my negative feelings were starting to over-power me. My mind would not stop thinking about the way she had touched me--it was soooo familiar, but I couldn't place it. All I knew right now was the feeling was intense and the more I thought about it, the more anxious and unsettled I felt. I was trying to calm myself down, but I wasn't having any luck. "Are you having a good time tonight?", he asked me after our discussion about football was over. He seemed to be anxious too. I got the sense that he was hoping I would say yes. I didn't want to disappoint him so I told him what he wanted to hear. "Yeah, I'm having a great time. Thanks for inviting me." "Feel free to come over whenever you want. My friends are welcome anytime." "Friends??" I took a risk questioning his assertion that we were friends. So far, we had only defined our relationship as work-out partners. Most of my problem was my inexperience in making friends. I didn't know how people made the transition into becoming 'friends'. What I mean is, I didn't know how people went from being 'acquaintances' or 'work-out partners' to being 'friends'. Did you have to ask the person you wanted to be friends with if it was OK to call them your 'friend'?? Was it just a natural evolution of a relationship, and both people in that relationship just instinctively knew when they had moved into the area of friendship?? My feeling was you didn't automatically become friends with someone after talking to them a few times. You could be 'friendly' with someone, but my definition of a friend meant someone I knew on a deeper level, someone I cared about as much as I cared for my own family members. Even though we had known each other for only two weeks, I already felt that way about Lane, but I had hesitated on labeling us as 'friends' because I was afraid that he didn't feel the same way. I think I caught Lane off guard by questioning our friendship status. He looked worried for a moment and sounded that way when he spoke. "Um...yeah. I mean, I hope we can be friends. I, uh, I think you are a really cool guy, Jaden. I'm glad we met." I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he spoke. He thinks I'm a cool guy!! My heart was racing. It was clearly difficult for him to make this admission, and I was happy that he had the guts to say something first. I had wanted to, but I was too embarassed. "I think it would be great if we were friends.", I said to him. And, we had a moment. We were looking at each other as I was speaking. When I finished speaking, we continued to stare. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I wanted to...I wanted to...I wanted to kiss him!! He got up off of the chair he was sitting on and walked over to the couch, keeping his eyes on me the whole time. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He sat down on the couch, right next to me. He leg brushed up against mine. I was delirious with emotions, terrified and exhilarated all at the same time. I kept thinking: 'Is he going to kiss me?? Oh my god, he's going to kiss me. This is it. Relax, Jaden, relax. You want this'. Lane's head started to come closer to me. I was gripping the couch cushion tightly. Here it comes. And then--BANG. The front door flew open. Our moment was interrupted and probably over. Nick came walking out out of the house. I jumped off of the couch and stood awkwardly in the middle of the porch. My legs were shaking so badly, I thought I was going to fall down. "Stu just pulled off a miracle play in the last seconds of his semifinal game with Tim and he won!! Tim's ready to kill someone!! It's you and Stu in the finals, Lane!!", Nick shouted at us. Neither Lane or I said anything. I was having a hard time looking at Nick and I refused to look at Lane. Nick looked back and forth between Lane and I, a confused expression appearing on his face. "What's going on out here? Did I, um, come out at a bad time?"" Nick asked hesitantly. "No.", I said quickly. I was starting to sweat. "I...uh...I was just going to go get something to drink. Can I , um, get either of you anything." "No", they both said. I walked into the house and didn't stop until I got to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door. What had just happened out there?? Lane was going to kiss me!! I was going to LET Lane kiss me. I WANTED to kiss Lane. Am just imagining all of this?? I'm still not sure if he's even gay!! I wanted him to be gay. I wanted him to like me as much as I liked him. I spashed some cold water on my face and tried once again to calm myself down. That's all I've been doing tonight, I thought to myself. I get worked up, then I try to calm myself down. The problem is I'm getting more worked up and having more negative feelings than I'm able to process, so I'm constantly feeling more and more agitated. It came out of nowhere, rearing it's ugly little head. The black clood of doom was back. The force with which it hit me actually caused me to feel faint for a second. I had to grip the sides of the sink to keep from falling down. What had I been thinking?? That Lane actually wanted to kiss me?? That he was my hero, my gay knight in shining armor, come to save my tortured soul?? A cold trickle of fear began to seep into my body, starting at my hands and feet and working its way into my inner being. It quickly became a tidal wave of intense fear. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!! I AM NOT CAPABLE OF HAVING THESE FEELINGS!! I WILL END UP BROKEN AND ABUSED AND I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!! NOT AGAIN!! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!! WHATEVER YOU DO, JADEN, JUST DON'T LET HIM TOUCH YOU!! TOUCHING LEADS TO...BAD THINGS. HORRIBLE THINGS. INTENSE PAIN AND SUFFERING. DO NOT LET HIM TOUCH YOU IN ANY WAY!! YOU'VE LEARNED THIS LESSON ALREADY!! IT WAS BEATEN INTO YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. PLEASE, GOD, HELP ME!! HELP ME!! I slowly started to settle down. When I felt I was able to, I exited the bathroom and went into the kitchen to grab myself another bottle of water. I made my way back to the porch. As I neared the front door, I could hear Nick and Lane talking. I hated to eavesdrop, but I clearly heard my name so I stopped right as I was about to open the door. I wanted to know what they were saying about me. Luckily, I was hidden from view--from both Lane and Nick on the porch and the people hanging out in the living room. I listened for a few seconds, but their voices were too low for me to hear anything. Suddenly, Nick raised his voice, not much, but enough to allow me to hear him. "I know I'm right about him, Lane. After what you just told me, I'm even more sure. I don't understand why you can't see it. Everyone else has figured it out." "Does that include Kaylie?? Shit, I wish she wasn't here tonight. She's been hanging all over him. I don't know what she's said to him, if anything." "I don't think she would say anything about you. She knows better than that. She knows everyone would be pissed at her if she did. She's not stupid." George chose that exact moment to come running up to the front door. OH MY GOD!! INTERRUPTED AGAIN!! What is up with George?? He ignores me all night but chooses RIGHT NOW to want to see me??? I'm having the worst luck. Conversations keep getting interuppted and I'm not hearing everything I want or need to hear. This is getting really annoying. Nick and Lane shut up when George came over to the door. I decided to pretend like I hadn't heard anything they had just said. Now I had even more questions to think about. What was Nick right about? What has everyone figured out? What is Lane so worried Kaylie will say to me? What is Nick so sure Kaylie won't say to me?? Questions, questions, and more questions. My head was officially about to explode. It didn't help that the black cloud of doom still had it's icy hand gripped around my heart. I came out onto the porch and decided to go sit in a chair and not next to Lane on the couch. I wanted to be far, far away from him. I really wanted to leave, so I was trying to figure out how to leave gracefully and not make a scene. I didn't know alot about social situations, but one thing I was pretty sure of was college-aged kids did not leave a party at 11:00PM to go home, especially on a Saturday night. I didn't want to raise anyone's suspicions, especially Lane. The three of us started talking. Well, they were talking and I added the occasional grunt of agreement every once in awhile. More people started trickling out to the porch and before long I was in the middle of a lively group discussion. In my current mood, the whole thing seemed pretty annoying. Kaylie had come outside, but she was keeping her distance. I noticed that Nick pulled her aside and said something to her when she first came onto the porch. She didn't look to happy about what he said. She was drinking beer now, something she hadn't been doing before. I had trouble dealing with a sober Kaylie, so I assumed that a drunk Kaylie wouldn't be a good thing. Ever since I had walked back onto the porch after eavesdropping on Nick and Lane, George had been laying at my feet. Even in my current state of mind, I was pleasantly surprised by his action. I needed him now, and he wasn't letting me down. Kaylie continued to sit off to one side drinking. She was downing the beers pretty fast. All she was doing was drinking and staring at me. She would not take her eyes off of me, which only adding to my uneasiness. I tried to ignore her, but it was pointless. Stu had wanted to take a break after his 'emotional, come from behind victory' (his words) over Tim in their semifinal game before he took on Lane in the finals. After awhile, Stu announced he was ready for 'the challenge of a lifetime' (again, his words). "Come inside if you want to watch the final game!!", Stu said to the group. I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was midnight already. I rarely stayed up that late and usually then only to study for a test. I decided to go back inside and watch the game. Hopefully after the game is over, I can leave and Lane won't think anything about it. I mean--how long can one of these parties last?? After I was safely sitting on the couch in the living room, I tried to look at everyone but Lane (and Kaylie too!). However, it was like my eyes had a will of their own and they searched out and locked on him. I kept telling myself to NOT look at him, but it was no good. After he was situated and ready to start the game, he looked around and found me. He gave me a huge smile when he saw that I was looking back at him. STOP SMILING AT ME!! In my warped state of mind, I thought of that smile as my kryptonite. It had the power to make me think there was a possibility of something happening between Lane and I, while the black cloud of doom was telling me all of the reasons why I COULDN'T be with him. The game started and, initially, I feigned some interest in the game. Everytime he scored a touchdown, Lane would look over at me and smile. I was about ready to gouge my eyeballs out. I couldn't take looking at him anymore. He was the enemy, the black cloud of doom told me. The black cloud of doom was starting to dominate my thougths. I guess I was lost in my own thoughts, because I didn't notice Kaylie until it was too late. She plopped herself down next to me on the couch. Well, half of her was on the couch, the other half was on top of me. What is this girl up to now?? She was still drinking and I could tell she was pretty drunk at this point. She put her hand behind my head and started using her fingers to play with my hair. I tried to move my head away, but her hand kept following. She leaned over and started whispering in my ear. "Jaden, I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I was acting earlier. It's just...I think you're hot and I couldn't help myself." She continued to play with my hair. I pulled my head away from her mouth and turned to look her in the face but I didn't respond, which seemed to frustrate her. I looked away from her and she leaned back in to continuing whispering. "See, Jaden, I can be nice and wholesome, just like Lane." OK, that statement got me fired up. "What does Lane have to do with you and me anyway??" She was trying to remain composed. I could see the struggle on her face. Apparently, she couldn't contain whatever this anger was she carried. "Take me upstairs, Jaden. Show me how much of a MAN you can be. Come on, let's go upstairs and fuck." She was practically whining at this point. This was getting out of hand. I didn't need to deal with this slut, especially with all of the other issues I was having concerning Lane. I was sick and tired of this little game. She needed to know once and for all that I was not interested. I decided to try the nice approach one more time. "Kaylie.", I whispered, "I think you've had too much to drink tonight. I don't think you know what you're saying." She was still playing with my hair in her one hand and now she put her other hand on my chest and started rubbng me. She leaned back into my ear. "I know EXACTLY what I want. I want you. NOW. UPSTAIRS." And--SHE LICKED MY EAR!! I jerked my head away from her. I was struggling to keep myself under control. I didn't like the way she was touching me and I didn't like what she was saying to me. She had been aggresive in her flirting before, but now she was out and out propositioning me. She was turning into someone I didn't know--A STRANGER. I was starting to hate this stranger she had become, most likely with the influence of alcohol. I grabbed the hand that was on my chest and moved it away. "Kaylie, I'm serious. You're drunk and I don't think you know what you are saying. I'm not going upstairs with you. Maybe we should go get you some water and try to sober you up." "I don't want water!!", she hissed at me. "I knew it, I just knew it. You ARE gay. What straight guy is going to pass up an offer like this??" She was refusing to leave me alone concerning the gay issue. In addition to all of the other feelings I was having, I was getting angry. I had completely passed the point of frustration. I had to figure out a way to get this girl to leave me alone for good. I looked around the room for some help, but everyone's attention was on the video game. What was I going to do?? "I'm going to say this one last time. I'm NOT gay.", I whispered to her. "The reason I don't want to have sex with you is because..." "You're gay.", she said, interrupting me. "Please, Jaden, I've known it all along, so just say it already, You're gay. You're a cocksucker." My anger was increasing at an exponential rate. Why is she persisting with the gay issue?? It's almost as if she needs me to say I'm gay for some reason. Frankly, I didn't care what her reasoning was. I just wanted this...person...this drunken fool...this stranger to LEAVE ME ALONE!! "Would you please get off of me??" But she didn't get up. Instead, she had to push things, like she had done all night. That's when my whole world came crashing down around me. "I bet I can find a part of you that wants to go upstairs with me.", she said in a mischievious voice. She took her free hand and put in on my leg near my kneecap. She slowly ran her hand up my leg until she reached my crotch. She cupped my dick and balls in her hand and gave them a squeeze. Time stopped, then rewound itself and suddenly I was ten years old again. I was blinded with the most extreme and intense fear of my life. I could feel it come over me in one gigantic rush. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME THERE!! The last time someone touched me there, I emerged from the ordeal a broken, bloody mess and a shell of my former self. Waves and waves of fear coursed up and down my body. I couldn't breathe. In one small corner of my mind, I finally realized what Kaylie's touch had been reminding me of all night long--LEON. My memories of "IT" came back to me in full and vivid detail. The only thoughts going through my mind were the thoughts I had during that horrific experience. STOP TOUCHING ME THERE, LEON. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, LEON. I'LL BE GOOD. PLEASE UNTIE ME AND I'LL BE GOOD, I SWEAR!! Every single emotion I had gone through 11 years ago hit me all at once. I was drowning in the emotions. I had to get away. **12:30AM** "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!!", I screamed at the...stranger who was touching me. Kaylie dropped her hands and I jumped off of the couch, moving away from her, almost violently. I was blind with fear at the moment. The black cloud of doom had complete control over me and my actions. Suddenly I heard myself saying, "FINE, YOU WIN. I'M GAY. DID YOU HEAR ME?? I'M GAY. YOU'VE BEEN WANTING ME TO SAY THAT ALL NIGHT, RIGHT??" Hearing myself admit my sexuality outloud like that caused me to snap back to reality. Not complete reality, but enough that I suddenly realized I was in a room full of people. Nobody was moving or speaking. Instead, they were all staring at me, perhaps in shock over my admission and borderline crazy behavior. "I KNEW IT!!", Kaylie exclaimed. Lane and Stu had stopped playing their game. Lane got up from his chair and walked over to where Kaylie and I stood facing each other. Kaylie noticed Lane walking up to us and she spun around to speak to him. "Motherfucker. You ALWAYS get what you want, don't you?? Jaden's gay, just like you wanted. You should be thanking me for helping you find out for sure." Kaylie spun back around to face me again. "Guess what, Jaden?? Lane's gay too and he likes you--alot. Since you won't take me upstairs, are you going to go with Lane?? Are you going to FUCK him or is he going to FUCK you?? Even in my current state, Kaylie's words impacted me and I was stunned. This was all too much and it was all too fast. I mean, I was having a hard time processing my outburst and the fact that I had outed myself. I couldn't deal with the words Kaylie had just said. Fight or flight is a powerful instinct, bred in us over millions of years of evolution. My flight instinct took over me at that moment and I turned and ran out of that house. Before I knew it I was out on the street, running as fast as I've ever run in my life. I HAD TO GET AWAY!! I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get away. Far, far away. I was slightly aware of hearing someone shout my name, but I didn't care. I was going to save myself. THIS TIME, I was going to save myself. I ran in a daze, in what I thought was no particular direction. I stopped when I reached the fence and could go no further. I was breathing heavily, and I had to bend over to check my breathe. After a few moments, my breathing started to return to normal and I took a second to look where I was. I was at the school track!! I decided to hide in here for a little bit. I discovered the gate was locked but I was going in no matter what, so I hopped the fence. I ran over the seating area on the far side of the track. I collapsed on the seat with my head in my hands. I started crying. I cried and I cried--I couldn't stop the tears. The events that had transpired tonight were so much worse than anything I had imagined. Earlier today, I had envisioned a possible worst case scenerio for the party--that vision paled in comparison to the actual events. My emotional state, which had been more fragile than usual these past two weeks, was completely shattered now. On top of that, I had made a complete fool of myself tonight AND I had just outed myself to about twenty people, most of whom I didn't know very well. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I was lost. What in the hell had happened tonight?? How did it all go so wrong?? What was happening to me?? What was...OH SHIt!! GEORGE!! I had left George back at the house. I had completely forgotten about him when I ran away. My best friend and, now, probably my ONLY friend. I need to get my dog back!! It suddenly hit me, perhaps the biggest news of the night: LANE IS GAY!! **LANE'S POINT OF VIEW.** Jaden's and Kaylie's words finally sunk in: JADEN IS GAY!! HE KNOWS THAT I'M GAY!! HE KNOWS THAT I LIKE HIM!! SHIT!! I took off running out the door. I have to find him. TO BE CONTINUED Another cliffhanger!! Gosh, I love it when I can figure out how to write one!! It really makes my day. :) Jaden and Lane know each other is gay!! It's great that they know, but the knowledge has come at a price. What are the ramifications going to be of this night?? How is it going to affect our heros, especially Jaden?? **A special shout-out to my future wife. We're only getting married to get all of the wedding gifts and money (I am GAY, after all!!) We're going to have a huge house and we'll take turns "entertaining" the poolboy and the gardener!! I love ya, wife!! Love, your second husband** **Last, but not least, a special hello to Mary, Megs, Cat, Ang, Alicia, Kelly, and Chrissy. Thanks for reading my story and for all of the positive feedback!! Love, your stepson, brother, cousin, and friend** Be on the lookout for Chapter 13 coming soon!!! FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK---This is lifeblood for us writers, so please drop me a quick line. My e-mail address is: jaden.scott@adelphia.net