Date: Sat, 14 May 2005 09:52:07 +0000 From: Alistair Stevenson Subject: Made in Sheffield - Chapter Eight 8:00PM The second Paul opened the door, I knew I was too late. I'd bounded up the steps like a dog so desperate with enthusiasm it threatened to knock its owner on his ass. Paul was in a different frame of mind. He looked shocked and concerned at the state of my face but he didn't beam like he usually did when he saw me. He asked me in unhappily, his mind on something else. He was over me; I knew it straight away. The thought I'd had watching Andy fucking Jamie was that, for me, deeper than the fun, challenge or excitement of sport had always been the bonding. I'd never acknowledged it before but since teenage soccer camps in the summer holidays, my secret hope had been that sport would end up as sex: that I'd find myself doing what Andy had done, putting all the physical effort of winning a match into coming inside a mate. And the person I knew at once that I wanted to do that with was Paul. He looked at me desperately, conflicted I guessed by having told me twenty four hours ago that he was going to die of love for me and now having to tell me he'd had a change of heart. "Noah, I'm really sorry, I'm just talking to someone. I don't know if... God, sorry. Uh, you come in the lounge too, he might want to see you. Is your face all right? It's nothing to do with John Royal is it, all that?" I kept quiet, following him down the hall with my eyes on his ass, longing to touch him like he'd let me last night. I'd expected Paul to introduce me to some outstanding-looking lad of his own age; one with a good nature and no history of prostitution, no bruises or cut up ass. But sitting in the lounge with his plump thighs crossed and his chubby little hand on his chin was a fat, goatee-bearded bloke who looked like he wasn't taking any shit off anyone. He pulled himself up but stayed sitting to shake my hand as Paul introduced me. My name seemed to stagger him. "Paul, love, would you mind? I need to have words with Noah and they're not for your ears. Just pop out would you?" Paul's shoulders dropped and he slouched out of the room, apparently no longer authorised to control what happened in his own home. "Sit down, love. Sit there and we'll get through this quickly. I'm here for Paul so you'll forgive me speeding on but just to check we're clear, you're Noah Green, you're a student, yes? But you've also been working in the sex industry. No secrets here. You were verbally abusive to Paul last night leading to a call from him for emotional support to the Student Helpline. I've since heard you were both the perpetrator and the victim of a homophobic incident in the Sports faculty today which I understand is being handled by the University and outside my remit. And, of course, you've obviously been injured somehow recently so taken all-in-all can we say you're in a bit of tizzy? A bit mixed-up-not-fixed-up as I might say?" I failed to return his dough-cheeked smirk. I let the silence settle and I held the look he was giving me until he shifted in his seat and dropped his eyes. "Who. The fuck. Are you?" He looked fit to bust, leaning forward with real fury in his eyes. "I, Mr Green, am Shaun Plumber RMN, the University's psychiatric liaison officer. I'd ask for some respect. I hardly need add you'd do well to listen to me because I'm compiling a report on you and this report, my darling, is what I shall be appending to your Permanent University Record. It's crunch time for you, Noah, yes it is." Checking the impulse to throw him through the window, I settled down on one of Paul and his mates' ripped beery armchairs and gave a blank look to the stout little fucker sitting opposite me. He took it as a sign I was ready to be set straight. "We all leave residues, Mr Green, as we slide through our lives. Some of us leave healing residues and some of us leave residues that harm our peers. I'm ever so sorry to say, Noah, you leave a harmful residue. Poor Paul was lucky I was available last night or we might have had an incident. You've hurt him very badly indeed." I'd thought there was no chance he could come up with anything I'd be bothered about, but the memory of Paul crying on my chest the night before caught hold of my emotions. I hadn't liked seeing him like that at the time and now I'd spent a day being taught what it feels like to be reduced to tears. Shaun seemed to sense he'd hit close to home. "Oh, yes. We have an impact on each other Noah. And we can choose to be gentle and thoughtful or we can choose to wound and exploit. Using sex -using physical closeness with another human - the way you have isn't very nice is it? Did it ever cross your mind sex comes with consequences? For everyone involved, you included. Hmm? I'm trying to get you to think. Are you thinking?" I had no choice except to think. Images haunted me: Paul begging me to stay; Colin with his eyes closed, scared shitless by me; Chris and countless other tricks trained by me to expect nothing emotional the moment after they'd come; and then Sarah taking heat from me for being disloyal when I'd never been able to give her what she needed. All of it had been there but not touched me, not until today. Today each element had helped drive me to a situation where my only hope in the world - Seb - had shat on me. Then five guys had shown me they could treat my whole life as if they were doing the world a favour by wiping it out. Shaun was a fat, fruity twat, but I had to admit he had the beginnings of a point. "I can see you're accepting of my perspective but I don't have oodles of time today so let's be honest and direct ok? Whatever you are, love, it isn't gay. Paul, on the other hand, is. You've bullied him into a heterosexual lifestyle and it's caused great suffering. Well now he's been reclaimed by his own people." "You're warning me away?" Not since primary school had anyone threatened to separate me from one of my mates. I tried to think where I'd go if I had to leave Paul's. There was nowhere. "If you have any concern for Paul, any remorse for the damage you've done, you'll influence him no more." I really hated this guy. Whatever angle he had on me, however accurate it was, I wasn't buying it just because he was such an outstanding knob. "Fair enough. I'll hear Paul say that then I'll take an early bath. He can play for whatever team he likes." "Noah. Are you aware how aggressive you're being? You need to look inside yourself. Be as confrontational as you like with me but look inside yourself and you'll find you and Paul are not alike. Paul is gay. You are something else." I wondered. I found myself lost in thought. And Shaun didn't stop. "You're not a fellow traveller, Noah dear. You're not a friend of Dorothy, not one of the family. Not gay." "Oh, right. How do you know that then?" "I have been specialising in gay and lesbian services for fifteen years and when I say a thing about homosexuality its generally more accurate than when a twenty-two year old student says it. Gay men do not captain football teams. They don't go round fighting people. They don't look at people the way you're looking at me right now." "I don't fit the stereotype?" "No, dear, you don't. Stay away from Paul. He's my responsibility now." I'd sunk into a kind of dull confusion, wondering if I was going to lose not only Paul as a fuck buddy but Paul as a buddy full stop. Luckily, one of my first 11 teammates had been on the touchline listening and was about to come on and save the game. The door flew open and Paul burst in. He looked physically bigger, pumped up with fury. Bouncing across the room, he towered over Shaun who, shocked, grabbed for his brief case, and cowered on the sofa. "You fuck off out of here now!" Shaun's face turned white with the effort to regain the upper hand. "Paul. Stop. We've talked about this. I know it's difficult but you've got to make choices." "Get out or I'll fucking put you out." "Is that a threat? Threats are a serious matter. But it's not you, Paul. You're not being you," he threw me a look of accusation and disgust, "You're being him." The team worked. I didn't need to interfere. Paul grabbed Shaun by the lapels of his jacket and hauled him to his feet. Snarling, with his top tight over adrenaline-pumped muscles he span Shaun round and marched him backward from the room. Anxious he was going to get himself in trouble I moved swiftly to follow but he was his own man, I wasn't going to be able to take command of him. Now restraining Shaun with just one grip, he yanked open his front door and showed Shaun out into the street. "Get to fuck. You're joking! You're a joke! You don't know bollocks about me, or anything. Piss off." I caught a quick glance of Shaun's angry, terrified, bewildered look before the door slammed shut and Paul turned round, still panting with rage. I tried to communicate my concern and support with nothing more than a look and suddenly his face cracked and the beam came back, he was laughing like normal, looking bashful at me. "Wow. I get cross!" "You surely do. Pity we never see that passion on the pitch, mate. You might get to play a bit more often. Not that that's up to me any more." In just a couple of sentences, everything felt right again. I knew where I was and what I was. It was like waking up. Paul chuckled. "He told me I had to resign. Give up footy altogether. Unless I joined a gay team. That was ok, according to him. I don't know any gay teams." "I think there are some. But you'd have to... Fuck, Paul, I'm sorry about last night. I was a right cunt." We made our way back into the lounge and he sat where Shaun had been. It was like replacing a sack of garbage with a casket of diamonds. He looked so good, a dark blue football squad hoody and worn out jeans that showed off the solid athleticism of his legs and ass. "You more than made up for it in the park, Noh. But that guy was booked to come round beforehand, he wouldn't let me cancel him and then he didn't stop until he had me half-believing all that shit he talked." "He was right about me treating you badly as a friend. You've always been there as a team mate, I had no call to be anything but kind to you." "Don't go soft now. I like it when you're brutal. Man, it turns me on." "Yeah?" "It's breaking news I'm your friend, though. I always kind of saw myself as one of the grunts you took charge of." "No, mate. It took me a while to see it but there's been bits of today when I realised you're the only real mate I've got, the only one who knows me" I was looking straight into his eyes, as sincere as I knew how to be. It felt weird fessing up to him, but he made me feel safe with it. Like whatever I said wasn't going to change his attitude to me. I could tell him what I liked. "I'm gay Paul. That's another thing I know now. The lads wouldn't like it but there it is, it's a fact." He paused, taking it in. "I guess you don't have to tell them that if you don't want to." I couldn't hack being across the room from him for another second. Keeping my eyes locked on his I got up, crossed over to him and sank to my knees, crouching at his feet. We kept looking at each other, saying nothing. Paul lifted his hand and cautiously touched one of the cuts on my face with his fingertip. He looked sorry for me then his face fell and without warning there were tears in his eyes. I surged forward to hug him, wrapping my arms around his upper body and pulling him into me, pressing my mouth against the smooth skin of his neck. "I just don't want you to get hurt Noah. Whatever happens don't get into fights, mate, please. It kills me." "Don't worry, don't worry. I'm all right Paul. I'm all right now, Paul. Now I know we're all right." I moved back to look at him but he wouldn't let me go, launching forward again to take the initiative between us for the first time. He pressed his lips against my mouth and clasped the back of my neck. He was being gentle but it was as if he couldn't wait any more for me to make all the decisions. He finally had the chance he'd wanted and he'd set his mind on taking it. I broke away and moved to sit next to him, one arm round his back, the other stroking or holding his torso. He turned towards me, under the blond flick where his fringe was falling into his eyes his gaze told me his attention was totally mine. I saw his dependence on me, his trust in me and I swore to myself I'd never let him down again. "You should know what happened today, Pauly. You're bound to hear it. When I left last night I was mad. I caught Sarah cheating and I chased her bloke back to his house and beat him. Then I had sex with Chris from that Gaysoc place. This morning I caught Stuart Jenks..." "The rugby guy?" "Yeah, the rugby guy, I caught him gobbing off another lad down at the Goodwin pool." Paul's jaw dropped. "That's only the start of it, dude. Jenks and Escott picked a fight then Sarah dumped me then John Royal kicked my ass out the faculty for fucking with his son, it was just after that I met you in the Botanical Gardens." "Jesus, why didn't you tell me? We could have gone for a drink or something." It was a good question. Why hadn't I told him then? What stopped me? "I guess I didn't want to lumber you. It was all my doing, most of it. And I didn't exactly earn the right to expect your sympathy last night did I?" "You don't have to earn it. I supply it you for free mate. Any time." I chuckled and squeezed him closer. I was losing interest in having to speak. "Where do the bruises come from? Not Royal, surely? You could paste him tied down." "Jeez. I gotta tell you the rest. I picked up a guy in town and he screwed me over then Nick Davis persuaded me to go back to the faculty but Jenks, Escott, Grant O'Connor, Paul Miles, fucking Process and Alistair Stevenson were waiting there to have a pop. And that's the whole story. One of my mate's found me staggering about, they'd stripped me so these are his clothes." "Hold on, Noh, all this really happened? Just in one day?" I held his eye. I nodded. "God. I don't know what to say. You want to rest for a bit? You could sleep in my room. Stay here as long as." I dipped my head to nudge it against his and kissed him again. "Yeah, let's go to your room. I aint sleepy though, Paul, I'm warning you." Both of us got to our feet awkwardly, the embarrassment of two boys together both erect as cranes. I looked at his, he looked at mine. At just the same time, we laughed nervously and then I followed him up to his room. He'd let me go first and when I got up to his attic room I could feel how the heat of a long summer day had collected there. Outside the open window the sun was growing a deeper orange as it sank towards the horizon. I could hear kids playing, a hockey match on the Uni pitches and far distant traffic, a typical sunny summer night in Sheffield. Paul had tidied up since the evening before, everything was squared away, his bed had been changed and a completed neat-looking essay was sitting on his desk. Despite the way I'd acted the night before, I felt welcome and at home here, well away from the rest of the house and safe from all the trouble I'd had. I heard Paul shut the door and turned to face him. Unlike last night, he was beginning to look as he did with the other lads on the pitch and in bars; confident and relaxed but also cheerful, handsome, and approachable. Someone I could learn a lot from. "I wish I hadn't asked you to pay Paul. I'm such a tosser." That took me by surprise, I'd not anticipated saying it or of feeling the guilt of having taken Paul for granted. And he'd forgiven me. I felt like such a louse. Looking at him smiling shyly at me and thinking over what I'd said and done, yet again I felt tears pricking at my eyes. Whatever else acknowledging my true sexuality had achieved it had certainly opened up a world of emotion. Although we'd kissed and held each other downstairs, in the close physical proximity of Paul's room it seemed less easy to get together. Finally he moved to fire up his stereo and I sat at his desk wishing I was talking to him rather than worrying what I might say next. I watched him pull his hoody off so he was in jeans and a light blue Tindersticks T-shirt. God, he looked cool. He'd had a lifetime of being himself it seemed while I was still struggling not to fall back on my old bullshit self-confidence. "I feel awkward, mate." "Aw, man. Don't get tense." He grinned and came over, reversing our positions in the lounge, he knelt in front of me and I opened my thighs so he could come close, his hands stroking up the rock steady muscles of my upper legs. It was unfamiliar territory but it felt more than acceptable not having to be in control. I trusted him, if he said not to worry, I wouldn't. "You must be fed up of sex after the day you've had." In reply all I did was glance down at the painfully restrained girder thrusting up under the running shorts I'd borrowed from Andy. "I believe maybe a day will come when I have a second or so of not wanting to exercise my dick," I said, stroking the soft skin and light stubble of his teenage five o'clock shadow, "but it's not today Paul, believe me." "Wow. Noah Green in my room again. You sure you're not gonna change your mind later? Send me a bill I can't afford?" "Don't. No more bills. No more tricks with anyone. I swear." "Whoa, you making commitments there big man?" "I am." He looked wary again, like he was fearful of saying or hearing something that would wreck the vibe between us. "You mean relationship commitments?" "I'm your friend for life. I mean I was anyway, I just got a bit thrown by knowing you fancied me. It brought out the worst in me. But we'd have got over that even if nothing else had happened today. I've liked you a heap ever since you joined the team. Fancied you as well if it comes to that. Don't make me talk about all this. Talk about it and you lose it." "Well, I guess. But just say quickly; don't get mad at me for me asking. Would you ever have a boyfriend?" "Like, in the future?" "Yeah, or now." I saw suddenly what his point was. I couldn't believe it. I laughed at his cagey way of asking and suddenly I felt timid as well. To ease the tension I did something physical, dropping forward and down so I was gently wrestling Paul to the floor with me heavily on top of him. I felt the sides of our faces together, could smell his hair and feel his crotch against my own. With him lifting his hands to squeeze at my ass I turned my head to kiss his neck then lick his ear. Moving my restless hardon against him I whispered to him, "If you're dumb enough to want me for a boyfriend you're too thick to be my bloke." "I want you for my boyfriend." "No problem then. The deal's done. But don't say I didn't warn you." "You mean it? Properly together? Exclusive?" I drew my head back to look at him, using close eye contact to show him I was serious. "Who else would have me? Yes I'll be your boyfriend Paul. And I won't let you down, I swear." He smiled like crazy and I lowered my head again as I felt him hug me tighter than ever. This day had turned out all right after all, but it wasn't over yet, not quite. For a long while we lay on Paul's bedroom carpet just being together. I dabbed kisses over his face while he pretended to fight me off then he wrestled me over onto my back so I was the one being crushed by the heaviness of gym-built muscle, I was the one laughing as I tried to stop him tickling and snogging me. Eventually I began to ache with all the sniggering we'd done, plus Paul was beginning to forget I'd been beaten up that afternoon and my body hadn't had time to recover. I got stern with him, telling him to quit it, getting to my feet and moving over to his bed where I lay down. "You've fucking ruptured me now. No consideration for my age. I need someone who'll treat me right, not like I'm a bouncy castle. Teenagers!" Of course, I was joking, but Paul looked like I'd just threatened to leave him forever. Puppy-dog wasn't the word. "Man, sorry. I got over-excited. God, you alright?" His cock was jutting up under his jeans like he'd stuffed a marrow down there and - despite his doe-eyed sorrow - it didn't go away. My body hurt but my balls wanted more. "You gotta be gentle with me, mate. Escott's crew nearly trampled me to death. Come and lie down. But gently." He remained apologetic-looking as he slowly lowered himself beside me. I put my arm around him, loving being reunited physically with him. His washed out T-shirt was thin so I could move my hand over the solid packs of muscle under it, squeezing the different groups he'd worked on in football training. While I was doing that, Paul adjusted his dick to a more comfortable position then moved his hand across the inch wide gap between our crotches to do the same for me. I pinched and squeezed his tit muscle while he felt up my cock. The healthy smell of him - the scent he used and the clean natural sweat of a fit 19-year-old - was all around us. I'd never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. I'd never felt such peaceful, excited happiness as I felt with Paul. It was like we'd both been given something: I couldn't believe my luck and he couldn't believe his. I wanted to tell him how I felt but words couldn't express it and didn't seem necessary anyway. I leaned in to kiss him, trying to use that as a way of saying I felt like we'd found each other, that he was taking care of me and I was going to make sure I took care of him. He kissed back in a way that seemed to mirror my feelings. We weren't fucking each other, we even still had our clothes on but we'd connected as deeply as it was possible to get and, right then, it felt like we were never going to let each other go. If I'd been worried about Paul rejecting me, or seeking revenge for the way I'd acted towards him the night before, I wasn't now. My mind was on the present, on being with him in the here-and-now. But that morning at the gym, my mate Nick had mentioned something that I'd thought about several times since. I wasn't sure how to raise it, because Nick had told me not to and the last thing I wanted was to embarrass or upset Paul. An honest direct question would have been the choice I'd have made automatically, being subtle seemed like lying; but there was no way I was going to hurt the guy whose tongue was in my mouth and whose hand was giving my cock a gently kneading. I took my mouth from his and lay back on the pillow, looking at him, right into his eyes. "Did you fancy me for ages then?" "Yeah. Ages. Love at first sight for real." "Wow." "But you had Sarah. And even when I heard you might swing both ways I knew I wasn't good looking enough to get you." "Eh? One of the reasons you made the squad in the first place was that you raised our sexy quotient. The footballing skills were secondary, mate." "Don't bullshit me. You're here out of pity and desperation, I know that." There was a sparkle in his eyes. He was fending off the idea he attracted me as much as I attracted him by joking around. I'd have left the subject, but I still had the thing Nick had mentioned to ask about. "Did you wank over pictures of me? Keep a scrapbook of match reports and photos? I bet you did." He looked shocked, like I was Sherlock Holmes or something. "Fuck. You know me too well. Is that part of being Captain, reading our minds?" "Show it me." He paused like he wasn't sure then turned round, reached under his bed and brought out the notebook Nick and his girlfriend had found when they'd used Paul's room during his house party. I was finally going to see the thing I'd first started wondering about at 9:00am that morning - a home-made porno magazine all about me. As Paul laid it out on his pillow I turned and put my arm around him and we both lay on our fronts to see it, just like I'd done as a child with my brother, reading a comic together. The difference was I knew once we'd looked at it, instead of going outside to climb trees or play cricket, Paul and I were most likely going to have some hardcore, full on, adult, all-male sex. It was all good news. "I began it in my first year. It's embarrassing. I can't show you everything that's in here." "Hey, be honest, Paul. Trust me. I'm not going to laugh at you mate." "No, I mean I can't show you because I use it to knock one off, some of the pages are stuck together." "You filthy bastard! I thought it was a testimonial. It's just a wank mag!" He knew I was kidding around. What he'd laid open in front of me was a large, neat notebook with clippings from student papers, photos stolen from departmental noticeboards, and graphic sketches and cartoons he'd done himself. In-between the pictures were hand-written scenarios. I glanced through them, discovering he'd imagined a series of encounters between us that all began with us gazing at each other across changing rooms or going out to the Peaks for runs, or being trapped alone in lecture theatres, and all ended with us dicking each other until it rained spunk. I loved it, not just because it was a long testimony to what a hero I was to him but because it proved to me he'd really liked me for ages. Whether I reciprocated or not, apparently Paul was going to dream and wank and be my number one fan. I was his sole favourite pass-time or hobby. Once again I made a deep commitment to myself: I wouldn't let him down. I turned to him smiling, put my tongue out and pushed my mouth against his full lips, kissing him as gently but as intimately as I could. Hard to believe but already I felt apprehension that, for the first time in my life, I was going to tell someone that I loved them. And I was shit-scared I'd fuck it up. We broke off. "I'll never hurt you again, Paul. You won't cry alone, bro, I swear." "Man, it's only a wank mag, like you said." "Not cause of your book, Paul. Because of you. I don't deserve to be liked this much by anyone, definitely not by someone as sound as you mate. I'm gonna change so I earn it. I'll show you, you'll see." He looked at me, our faces so close together all I could see was the beautiful green of his eyes. Then he glanced down, chuckling, like he was embarrassed. "You don't need to change Noah. Not a bit." "Let's get undressed, Paul. There's stuff I need to do to you. Right now." "Yes, Boss." I'd once balled the team out for spending too much time in the changing room on personal grooming, not enough on thinking about what had happened in the match. As a result a couple of lads had spent a fraction less time waxing, drying, gelling, sculpting and generally being gay about their hair. But Paul had dropped products altogether. After one shouting session from me he'd abandoned the world of beauty products and, before a match was always, always, always ready in his kit for tactics talk then clear of the changing room afterwards forty minutes before the others. As I watched him drop his jeans, pull his T-shirt over his head and drop his Top Man briefs I thought about the influence I'd had over him. That was going to have to change. Instead of him being loyal to me the whole time, I'd have to show him I could be the obedient one as well. Standing naked, rightly proud of his muscle and youth, Paul quit grinning the second I stepped out of Andy's shorts. "Jesus! What's that on your bum?" "Forget it. It doesn't hurt, it's been nursed. Process and Stevenson did it. Forget it." Paul came up to me, his cock rampant despite his concern for the hiding I'd had. As we moved closer together we started smiling at each other again. We couldn't keep the smiles off our faces, it seemed. My hand followed its own agenda, reaching for Paul's hot hard dick without me thinking about it. "I really like your cock." "It's not as big as yours." "It's still a big one. And it's kind of neater, somehow." We kissed and I took my own bench in the same grip as Paul's so I could squeeze our two erections together. I rolled our foreskins back so we could have our two wet unsheathed cockheads sliding against each other. When the kiss ended Paul put his arms lightly around my neck, his eyes closed, and I looked at him enjoying the sensation of his pole stroking against mine. "Mate, I take charge too often. We gotta get used to you being the boss sometimes. I don't want to rule you." He opened his eyes. "But you know more about sex than I do." "I know all the bullshit. You gotta teach me how to do it so I mean it. Tell me what to do. What do you want? Anything, I'll do it." "Will you fuck me?" "But that's like I'm controlling it again." "No, do me on my back, so I can watch you fucking. That's what I want. To ride around on your prick while I see you doing the deed. I've dreamt about it." "Ok. Yes, sir. We can do that, definitely. You got a blob?" He went to his desk and found a condom, handed it to me and lay down on the bed. There was no way Paul would have lube so I scouted round his room for a substitute and, sitting next to his hair gel and Lynx I found a little bottle of baby oil. I turned back to my teammate and sheathed my dick looking at him lying there, waiting for me. His skin was smooth and bronzed, his little nipples nicely balanced on mounds of pectoral, his shoulders broad and his waist tight. He looked younger than nineteen at the same time as being a substantial, solid man. And his cock was as heavily erect as any I'd ever seen, his furry nuts clenched tight beneath. With my own dick wrapped in oily latex, I climbed onto his bed between his open thighs. I asked for his hand and dribbled some baby oil into his palm. He knew what to do, reaching under his balls to smear the lubrication around and into his ass. While he did that I leaned over him to take another taste of his open mouth, porno kissing him with just the tips of our tongues flicking around together. After a minute or so, I knocked his hand out of the way and hauled him further down the bed, wedging my knees under the back of his thighs so his butt was lifted clear of the duvet. I looked him straight in the face as I slotted a couple of fingers into his crack to gauge the readiness of his slippery little gash. I could feel his ass loosening up. Man, he was fit for this. "It's not your first time? I don't have to treat you like a virgin?" "No, mate, I can take it." "Who's done you before then?" "My best mate at school, we were at it like rabbits in year 12" "Oh, yeah. Fuck you're eating my fingers Paul. That's two inside already." I probed him, curling my fingers round the rim of his hole, loving how easily they glided into him, imagining the same oily grip around my dick. Juice leaked from Paul's bell-end onto his flat stomach; he was as eager to get fucked as I was to fuck him. I brought my oily covered knob up to the entrance to Paul's body; I eased my hips forward, brought it against him and began pushing in. Paul's handsome face went serious as he helped me penetrate him by easing his ring onto the blunt business end of my dick. I took purchase on his thighs, pulling him still further down the bed and up against myself as I felt him yield to me, felt my burning bone start sinking in. Moving to hang over him, propped by my flexed arms, I let him reach his hands up and cling to me as I pulled back a little to let his ass adjust to the size of my meat. "Oh man. Jesus fucking Christ." he moaned and I dipped forwards to lick his chin and lips. I felt his stiffy squeezed between us, it's wet head jammed between our stomachs and his balls soft and hot just above where my bench was prodding into his body. I gave it to him really unhurriedly at first, sliding in up to the hilt, resting there then drawing back only to drop into him again. With each stroke Paul's face changed from ecstatic effort at being filled to open-mouthed loss when I withdrew. To have such a good-looking, responsive, fuckmate who had no agenda other than to enjoy being dicked and for whom I felt nothing but commitment to please, it was a feeling unlike any I'd had before. Both the deepest horned-up desire and gratitude, respect, attachment and friendship. It was overwhelming. I started a steady fucking rhythm. In and out. In and out. Paul's moans became regular and he clung still tighter, like he was trying to draw me deeper into him. His downy ass was now stretched wide and my prick began thrusting like a piston. I shifted back to get purchase, pushing his legs onto his chest so he was doubled over. Doing this exposed his open crack so I could watch my thick length gliding into the hairy tightness of his boyhole. With my weight off him, Paul was able to reach for his own dick and masturbate while he was being fucked. His other hand caressed my neck, armpits, chest and erect nipples as he either craned his head forward to look down at his own penetration or threw it back to roll it from side to side, his mouth open, panting and moaning as he took it good. I loved watching him respond. It wasn't just that I could see Paul's gratification at getting fucked, I could also feel my hard shaft being rhythmically squeezed by the tight walls surrounding it. Paul's ass had become a sexual organ and he was using it to work the hot meat that was inserted into it. It was so mutual; truly like we were just one single humping beast. All the time, between us Paul's hard penis remained firm and straining for attention, rhythmically pressed between our abdomens. Though my cock was sliding down to its hilt I felt I wanted to go even deeper into him. Without knowing my own intention, I found myself hauling Paul from his bed, supporting the cheeks of his wide-split butt with my hands and heaving myself onto my feet, his arms tight around me. Paul was only a few kilos lighter than I was so I couldn't carry him far, but the sensation of lifting him with my dick, together with his strong hold around my neck as he continued to clench my root with his sphincter did the job. I staggered us into a wall so it bore his weight and found Paul's open mouth to push my tongue as far down his throat as my cock was getting into his ass. All this while I continued to ram into him. Paul's breath hissed in and out of his nostrils as my pounding increased in pace. I knew I was going to come and nothing in this world was going to stop me. I braced my thighs as I took Paul's full weight once more and falteringly moved backwards to return to his bed, but this time with me getting on first. Sitting down drew my prick right out of him but my cockhead remained rubbing at his gaping hole and as Paul dropped his legs from being wrapped around me to being on either side of mine. His sensitive butt lips opened wide again and took me in. "Bring it home you sexy bastard. Make me come Paul." He grinned down at me, red faced and sweating as he began to ride my dick. I lay back watching him labour as the two tight cushions of his buttock muscle milked me with steadily increasing intensity. I felt the squeeze of his anus drawing up and down every ridge of my throbbing organ, like he'd been designed to pleasure dick. My feet stretched involuntarily and a familiar rising pleasure told me full time was near. With Paul still bouncing on my prong I sat up again and surged my hands over his lean athletic body. Forcing his head down so I could kiss him, I began jerking hot ejaculate into him. The shots were so powerful I had to hold him steady, stopping him from manipulating my tender tool while I delivered a gutload of come. It was the best, most total orgasm I'd ever had and it seemed to last forever. When finally it was over, I held him, panting and wincing at the sensations his ass had created. The soft golden orange of the evening sun was streaming in through the window. I had never guessed lying with another dude could feel so like it was what life was all about, like it was what I'd been put on earth for. How could such a fucked up day end like this? Paul had collapsed, gasping and laughing on top of me, giving my neck and face tiny licks, as if I'd done him a favour rather than that he'd just generated the most completely fulfilling physical feeling of my life. My cock was still rooted deep inside him, I could feel the juicy warmth of him still firm around me. I crushed him against my chest, wanting the present moment to go on. I was overwhelmed by how much Paul had given me and the way his body had teamed up with mine. One of my hands travelled over his smooth warm back down to the compact curves of his butt muscle. I nuzzled my lips against his ear, my heart rate increasing as I thought about the possibility of saying out loud the three words that were filling my head. As it softened, my penis gradually slid out of him but we went on hugging each other as we recovered, our hearts beating like drums. This was the post-orgasm closeness I'd always avoided. It felt even better than the sex. Though he hadn't come, I could feel Paul's cock softening between us. It was as if our two sets of feelings had pooled, like we'd joined up emotionally as well as bodily. I smoothed my hand over Paul's asscheek and washed my tongue around his ear, making him giggle as I snapped the condom from my dick and lobbed it over into his bin. "Thanks Noah." "No problem, my pleasure." "I keep thinking I should be paying you." "Don't mention that, mate. The meter's off for good now. It's free rides for life." "For life?" "Well, for as long as you'll have me." He lifted his head to look me in the eye and I didn't look away. If I felt anything other than sincerity and affection it was only anxiety that my commitment might make him wary, but it didn't seem to. He shut his eyes and pressed his mouth onto mine. We kissed and we kissed and we kissed. Going out with Sarah had given me security of a kind, but it had never been any of the things I was already feeling with Paul; things I wanted to go on feeling for as long as I was allowed. I fancied him like crazy for a start and not in the showing-off, trophy girlfriend way I'd admired Sarah but genuine, deep horny wanting. Everything about him aroused me, even looking around at things in his bedroom like his running medals, piss-up photos and dirty socks turned me on. If I could have climbed inside Paul or physically bonded myself to him I would have done. The smallest physical contact had an instant effect on my balls, but just catching each others eyes seemed either to make us laugh or get our dicks hard. He slid off me and lay beside me looking at the ceiling. I was stroking my fingers over the back of his hand. "I could stay here ages, Paul. When do your housemates get back?" "No idea. Don't have to worry about them, though. They'll be all right. You fancy catching a bath or something?" "I had one an hour ago, but I guess I could stand another." Paul swung off his bed and pulled on a pair of football shorts. His cock hung weightily at the front in a way I really liked. With my bruises still aching I moved slower, agreeing he could go and run the bath while I eased myself to my feet and wrapped a towel from his radiator round my waist. If I was honest I'd have to admit almost all the time I'd been with Sarah I'd been looking forward to when I'd done my duty and could get back to being alone or with the lads. Even when we'd been at our most relaxed I'd felt low grade tension pulling in two directions: I didn't want her to be there, I didn't want her to leave me. Imagining a gay relationship - and I hadn't, very much - I'd always focused on how it would look to other people. I'd genuinely never considered that what some passer by thought didn't matter a flying fuck compared to the heart and cock and head pleasure of belonging to a successful two man team. I felt like hugging myself over how things had turned out but thinking about being with Paul in the bathroom was sending my dick back into action and by the time I got down to the first floor landing it was already beaming up under his beach towel. I knocked on the bathroom door and went in. Paul was still in his shorts, standing waiting for the bath to fill. It was steamy so he'd opened a window and a warm summer evening breeze was drifting around. I immediately took the towel I was wearing off. "You can't be hard again already, Noah. That's not possible." I came up next to him and put my arm around him, proud he couldn't take his eyes off my cock. "Anything's possible, Pauly, if you put your mind to it." With the taps still gushing and with no guidance or pressure from me, Paul turned to kiss me briefly then moved down my body, kneeling in front of my crotch. He opened his mouth and drew the wet heat of his full tongue from the root of my dick to its tip then lowered his tight, soft lips onto my throbbing bellend and, without pausing, back down to the base of my dick. I could feel my penis burrowed in the clamping velvet of his throat and I could easily have come again with him doing nothing more but giving me face, but the bath was getting full and, more importantly, Paul hadn't come yet. I wasn't in sex professionally any more, but I still had responsibilities. "Fuck, dude, you're good at that." He looked up at me as he struggled to keep my dick contained between his lips. I reached to put my hands into his armpits and pull him to his feet. We kissed again, the taste of my own cock in his mouth, then I stepped into the bath and he pushed off his shorts and followed, We were both standing with our feet in the water, both of our pricks achingly vertical once more. We got down together facing each other and I began soaping him up. Two six foot plus gym-stacked lads barely fitted in that bath but the water and soap meant we could slide against each other like we were oiled, my legs around Paul, the two of us chest-to-chest. "Paul, we've got to get you off before we leave the house. Do you want to fuck me mate?" "Really?" "Yeah, fuck me here. In the bath." "No way." "Definitely way, man. Do it now." Paul looked thoughtful, swirling the bath water between us with his hand, "I thought you didn't get fucked. Like - how do they say it - you're a top or active or whatever?" "That bullshit is for faggots, Paul. It's good fucking and it's good getting fucked." He looked up, his face now hopeful. "How do we do it?" I knew that having been rough-fucked by both Seb and Stuart that day, Paul's loved-up length wasn't going to be a problem. It would be easy and sweet and it would prove the equality between us. I scooted closer towards him, my legs on either side of him so I was effectively sitting on his lap. I lined up our wet glossy roots and squeezed them in my hand, loving the feeling of our brother dicks together in one fist. "I'll sit on you. You can let me do all the work, mate. Just like on the pitch, yeah?" "Fuck off. It's me that saves that team." While he was joking around I moved even closer to him, my arms wrapped round his broad, wet shoulders. His big blunt cock was right underneath me. With one hand I reached beneath myself and guided the bulbous head of his knob to my asslips. With the cushion of the water around me I could only dimly feel the hiding I'd taken and what pain there was disappeared as I rose up and let Paul slide right into me. Paul supported my weight by holding my buns, spreading my ass open while he speared into my hole. I felt the ridges of my lover's cock tweaking the ring of tight muscle at my anus and sucked it up, lowering myself onto it, feeling the flare of the base widening my asshole. Both of us gasped. It was beautiful. My hand slipped between my legs, stroking the length of my cock which seemed to have got stuck at the setting for fullest erection. Paul's dick felt so right inside me I could barely imagine not having that big hard piece of meat prying me open, could not imagine a better physical sensation than being fucked by him. As I took the whole length of Paul's iron-hard pole I could feel my butt sinking down to the base of it, my buttocks squashing his nuts. He was entirely inside me, filling me totally. It felt exactly like nature intended, like we were breeding animals fulfilling the main purpose of being alive. I squeezed my buttcheeks down on his dick and began to draw up, avid to show him what my ass could do for his tool. I knew Paul felt as hot as I did because we were mirroring the movement of each other's hands over our wet bodies, mirroring our groans and kisses, working like the tightest team, once again like a single thing. As I pulled up and down his cock Paul flexed his body, different groups of muscle tensing across his chest and six-pack as he thrust into me, trying to get satisfaction for his painfully erect organ. Our balls had taken over, there was no need for speech or thought, the only goal was determination to get each other off as deeply as it was possible to go. Without agreeing anything beforehand, I heaved myself up off Paul's dick and got out of the bath. Like he knew before I'd even made a move and understood from the first what I planned, Paul got out with me and, seconds later, I was on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and he'd squeezed his beef back in me. He bucked at my ass, his hands smoothing down my back then gripping my hips and cupping my nuts in a way that told me, though I couldn't see him, at least half of his mind was still focused on pleasuring me. His thrusts were powerful but I fucking loved it, pushing my ass right back onto him. It didn't take long for him to start the short, fast strokes of approaching orgasm. A rush of heat swept through me as Paul sank himself to the base and strained into his climax. He moved more fully on top of me, his arms wrapping around my body and his open mouth landing at the back of my neck as he unleashed the contents of his scrotum deep into my gut. I throbbed with pleasure, flexed muscles relaxing as the sensations of being properly fucked peaked and dropped back, leaving me with a body-consuming afterglow and redoubling my certainty I'd found my ideal partner. We were so sexually compatible it felt like it should be illegal. Paul and I allowed ourselves to collapse sideways onto the floor, his thick arms still around me, his cock still buried in my ass. He nuzzled his lips into the cropped hair at the back of my neck; he licked my ear, he kissed my cheek. "Aw, Noah. Thanks, man. Now I can die happy." "Don't talk mad. You got years of my butt ahead of you yet." His thick softening dick gradually deflated its way out of my chute, the loss of was both a physical and emotional. So I did what I do whenever I feel down, I obeyed the urge to get active. Easing my way out of Paul's embrace I got to my feet and pulled him up onto his. We hugged and kissed each other and could have been right back at it within moments but I wanted to be with him without having sex, just to talk and get to know each other, to revive the friendship we'd had way before we'd ever got undressed together. "Can we go out?" "Sure. Where? You meeting people?" "No, mate. Just us two. Just up to the Notty, have a pint then come back?" "No problemo." He was busy draining the bath and twisting the dial for the shower. Soon the two of us were together under the same jets of water where, the night before, I'd decided to forget Paul forever. Now I had to steel myself to keep from pushing him up against the wall and fucking him. It felt a lot better. Like the over-horny dogs we were, we both had semi-hardons and the two friendly cocks seemed to keep knocking against each other, like they'd not been persuaded of the need to stop having sex. Promising myself it would be the last time until we left, I slid my arms around Paul's wet body and found his mouth with my tongue. His body folded into mine like that was the design of it. I had him I knew, he was mine completely. But I still wanted him more. It was as if the more I fed the appetite, the more it grew. When we got out of the shower, we dried each other, hardly saying anything but still laughing a lot about nothing, just helplessly happy together. We went up to Paul's room naked and he ripped on some Sloggi briefs then looked out kit for me to wear. I ended up in one of his old hall of residence T-shirts and a pair of jeans so old his cock had left a dent at the front. I felt comfortable as fuck. I stood behind Paul as we looked in his mirror fixing our hair, but I didn't give a shag about mine, my eyes were all for him. I knew he'd see me looking and feel my dick thrusting up against his ass but when he turned round I refused to permit any more sex. "We've got work to do. We need to drink beer like men. We can kiss later mate." "You're an arse." "I'll fuck your arse." "Ooh, chase me!" He darted out of the room and rumbled down the stairs. Before leaving his room I looked round at the discarded condom wraps and underwear, the jeans and shorts and socks. This room had seen both the start and resolution of everything that had happened to me in the worst and best twenty-four hours of my life. I left the room, closed the door and went down the stairs, lost in thought about the things I'd done, the things that had been done to me. I was still sorry I'd scared Colin, nothing that had happened in the gym had made me feel justified about that. And I was sorry if Sarah was unhappy, but she didn't seem to be. I knew Nick was going to take me and Paul being together on the chin. And, like Paul had said, if anyone else had a problem with me loving one of my teammates, screw them. It felt like my life was as much my own as it had ever been. Maybe Paul and I would be together forever; maybe things between him and me wouldn't work out after all. Whatever happened I felt sure right then that, thanks to what I'd proved I could survive, I wasn't going to be overwhelmed by whatever might come up. When I caught up with Paul in the hall downstairs, it seemed a crazy kind of thought that things wouldn't work out. We'd known, liked and respected each other as friends long before we'd got our dicks out. Sex between us seemed like autopilot pleasure and, even if that wore out, we had the same interests and friends, the same attitude and outlook that would keep us mates no matter what. He was posing in the hall, lounging against the back of the front door, looking serious and sleazy, gripping his crotch. "Think I could make it as rent? We could go on the game together." "No." "Aw, I want to do everything you do." "Well I don't do that anymore do I? You rescued me from it." "Paul Leys. Rentboy rehabilitation. I could get cards done..." "Let's get to the pub for fuck's sake or I'm going to end up laying you out." "I'd like that." "Paul!" He grinned and moved away from the door, we went out and he slammed it shut. I couldn't help myself, as we went down the path I put my arm around his shoulders. It was rough not being allowed to hold his hand or kiss him. But them's the breaks. Maybe it made things more forbidden and hotter still. I wasn't sure. It was finally getting dark but the heat of the day hadn't disappeared quite yet. It was odd seeing students out on the streets doing their usual thing after spending so long alone with Paul, after the way things felt they had changed. I'd dropped my arm from around Paul but the backs of our hands kept touching, like our bodies were determined to be together no matter what we intended. In fact, that sense was everywhere, as if something else, some bigger force was in control. Perhaps it was why, instead of feeling excitement or anxiety as I might have anticipated, all I felt was a deep, deep calm and the tasty prospect of good times ahead. It was only a short walk until we were entering the pub. My plan was to have a drink and for us to talk together about anything we fancied. But this story ends here, with us closing the pub door behind us. Twenty-four hours had gone by. Inside a day I'd shifted from a version of myself I can understand but still find hard to think about - a person I feel sorry for - but can't miss. I'd shifted from that to a person I felt proud of: someone I believed Paul could love. Of course, there was unfinished business all round me, a world of it. But even at that moment, right then, I was thinking, fuck the house, fuck my course, fuck revenge and setting everything straight. So long as I had love, I needed nothing else.