Let me start off by apologizing to all of the readers of My Adam. I had not yet realized all the grammar errors the first two chapters contained. I am deeply sorry for all these, but I hope that you all can find in your hearts to bear with a bit longer and continue following the story. Great things are still to come to, Adam and Vinny, some good and some bad, but definitely great. I got emails from a few people who thought that the second chapter was a little too `dirty'. I have to say, I'll try my best in doing what I can to write something that most people will like but there isn't much that I can do being that My Adam is a real story -- some of it anyways -- with real characters and real events. So because of that romance and lust will walk together throughout the entire story, just like in real life. If anyone has anything to say -- good or bad -- about what they think of what's going on and the direction that the story is taking please email me, I would definitely respond. Once again, I am sorry for the all the errors. All I can do is promise that I'll work harder to prevent them from happening which will mean that from now on the story development will be a bit slower, and thank you all for reading it.
MY ADAM 3
All right reserved to firstname.lastname@example.org
I was having a weird dream; it was sunny and warm day, I was in the middle of a wheat field. It looked a lot like the farm that Aunt Susie has in Mississippi, in which I used to spend my entire summer vacation, playing with my cousins when we were little. I was walking around the field searching for something, but whatever or whoever I was looking for, I couldn't find it. The more I looked, more preoccupied I became. I had a bad feeling, something wasn't right, something didn't feel right. I kept walking and looking until I saw someone far away. The feeling in my chest didn't ease, I started to walk towards the stranger. As soon as I moved towards the stranger, the sky started turning dark. Rain clouds were closing in fast, there were thunders, and what was once a nice little summer breeze was now turning icy cold as the wind started picking up speed. I kept walking towards the stranger, and to each step I took, the feeling in my chest grew. It was hard to explain it, emptiness, and sorrow. I had tears welling up in my eyes. I was still walking but the distance between us stayed the same, I was walking and walking...
Then suddenly I heard a melody. It was fainted but I could still hear it. As the seconds passed, I could hear it clearer. I knew the song but for some reason I couldn't think of the lyrics right away, nor even identify the song. It was nice, sweet and slow, it was obviously a love song. I finally opened my eyes. It was bright in room. The curtains were half open. It sunny outside, I could see it through the window. I could hear the song now clearly. It was Rainbow from Mariah Carey. It wasn't a very popular song. In fact the song itself was pretty short, probably a minute and a few seconds long. I looked to where Adam was lying on last time I didn't him. He wasn't there. I sat up on my bed and saw him. He was sitting by my keyboard and playing on it. He played the same song continuously. He wasn't singing, only playing. He had on my underwear and a t-shirt. Because the song was short, he was playing it over and over again.
"I didn't know you played." I said
"You're not the only one with artistic tendencies." He answered with a smile on his face that I knew so well.
He suddenly stopped playing. He didn't move, he put his hands on his lap, and just stared at the keys.
"Please don't stop." I begged him
He didn't say anything, nor did he go back playing. He just stared at the keyboard.
"What's wrong?" I asked
"My nana taught me how to play."
I fell quiet again while Adam continued talking, looking down at the keyboard.
"Her mother taught her when she was little. And when she had my mom she taught her, but my mom didn't have much interest in it. Nana was very disappointed when she realized that my mom much rather play with her dolls than play the piano. When I was growing up my nana used to live here, in Boston, with us, so she used to have me sit right next to her, then she would position my fingers and make me play something, anything."
"I was probably 5 years old when she started teaching me. She used to say that the piano was our family's heritage. That her family always used to gather around the piano after dinners and in holidays. So I needed to learn so whenever I had my own family and my kids I could pass on the tradition. The first song I remember playing was Amazing Grace."
"I love that song." I said excitedly with the idea that someone else shared my geeky liking of such.
"Me too. Growing up, my taste in music changed a bit but whenener I was around her, I'd always try playing the songs that I knew she liked. I knew it made her happy so I did it."
After that confession, Adam once again sat in silence. I got up and tightened the sheets around my waist, I walked to him and hugged him from behind. I had totally forgot about his grandmother's death. I had no idea how close they were. I knew how tough it was to lose someone that you loved. My aunt Maria -- my father's oldest sister -- had died last year from leukemia, it was a long and painful fight that she had finally lost after months in the hospital. I knew Adam wouldn't want to talk about it, and I also knew that there was nothing I could say to make him feel any better so I just hugged him. We stayed like that for awhile; him sitting down in front of the keyboard, and I, holding him, hugging him from behind. He, then, got up and smiled.
"I am gonna go make some us some coffee." He said looking at me with a fresh new beam in his face that I knew that he was forcing but I opted to not say anything.
"I don't drink coffee, but I always have some, in case some poor coffee addicted soul stops by." I made one of my so common sarcastic comments.
"Aren't you the sassy one?" He said that walking out the room.
"I do what I can" I simply responded.
I initially searched for my clothes and then decided that I needed not to worry about them because I should really just take a shower, especially after last night `workout'. I made my bed and headed to the bathroom. I loved taking a shower first thing in the morning, in fact, that was one of my `I-can't-even-explain-the reason-why' habits, which was passed on to me by my clean freak mother. The water was warm enough to relax and awaken my muscles. As I always do, I didn't really move in my first five minutes in the shower, I didn't soap myself nor did I make any effort to get completely wet. I was simply enjoying the feeling of the powerful hard jet of water hitting my skin, it was a ritual that I performed every morning, so sacred and important that I never missed it for anything in the world. My head was miles away when I noticed that I was humming and singing the same song the Adam was playing a minute ago in the bedroom. He had reminded me of how much I loved that song.
... I know... there is a rainbow...
...for me to follow... to get me off my sorrows...
...Find out... proceed to sunlight...
...so I'll be alright...
....if I can find that rainbow's end...
... I will be alright if I can find that rainbow's end.
"I didn't know you had such a beautiful voice." Adam said from inside the bathroom.
"Are you frigging trying to kill me?" I said gasping for air.
"Sorry." He said sheepishly.
"You scared the shit out of me." Still hold on to the tile wall in the bathroom.
"I am sorry." He repeated
"I know, I know." I said feeling better and pausing a bit.
"What are you doing here anyways? Go away I'm taking a shower I don't want you to see me" I said.
"I didn't think you would care after last night." He said
"Last night was different" I tried to argue my admitting only to myself that he had a point.
"How so?" He asked while pulling that curtain and looking at me.
"Stop!!! GO AWAY!" I said throwing water at him
"Okay, okay. I'll wait for you at the table." He said heading to the kitchen.
"Adam?!" I called right after him.
"Yes?" He stopped on his tracks.
"Do you..." I was trying but I just could finish it
"Do I what?" He asked
"Never mind" I lost my courage
"Okay" He said starting to walk out again
"No wait" I popped my head out the other side of the shower curtain calling out for him again
"What is it? You know you can tell me." He said firmly but still so softly looking at me right in the eyes, assuring me of his sincerity and giving me enough strength to finally ask him
"Do you want to, you know, want to shower with me?" I said looking at him with the shower curtain sort of covering myself.
"Are you saying that I need to shower?" He said jokingly
"No silly. Only that I'd like... if you joined me."
"You do know, I'm gonna see you naked if I go in there."
"I'll be fine if you don't stare at me."
"Okay, I can try but I can't promise anything."
"Oh Lord, just get in."
Adam stepped into the shower and started looking at me from head to toes, I opened my mouth to complain but he just raised his hands up in the air as if surrendering and looked up to the ceiling. I gave him the soap and I started shampooing my hair. He turned around giving his back to me. I only looked at first, but then the sight of him was already doing something to me. I reached out my hand and started washing his back. He didn't complain so I just continued. Real softly, from side to side at first, and then down his lats. My hands would go from neck to the lower back, so delicately, as if he were a baby, my baby. Then I went a little lower and I had my hands on his ass. I still remembered from last night the softness of it, but with the water and the soap, his skin was just so smooth and soft that I involuntarily began to develop an erection. I stepped a bit closer to him, not enough to touch his skin yet but definite closer. I started soaping his neck, moved on to the shoulders and then his arms. Even with the water running, I could still hear him moaning real softly, almost like a whisper. He was right in front of the water, so he put his hands up against the wall and lowered his head letting the water him on the shoulders. That also made his butt back up a bit too, so my dick touched it. I knew he could feel my forming erection, I knew that he knew what that meant, but no one said anything. I hugged him and started kissing his back. Oh, his body was so hot, literally. He's skin was warm and the muscles of body contracted every time I touched. Now in the shower, and with my hands I got to know his body better. There was hair in his chest and the stomach. His back and butt were complete smooth and then from mid thigh the hair came back all the way down to the ankles. I started descending my kisses and got down on my knees. And then, there it was; that bubble butt right in front of me. At first, I was only kissing the cheeks, but I was really interested in what those cheeks hid in between them. I had my hands running up and down his legs while I was kissing ass and now also the back of his thighs. He was kept sucking air every time my lips touched his skin. I was ready to see what else he had. I spread his cheeks and there it was; his most sensitive spot, right in front of, defenseless to anything that I wanted to do. I dove me face into it and started kissing him right there, on his butt hole. My kissing gradually turned into licking, I held his ass cheeks apart and just licked his butt hole several time. He legs shuddered when I first started licking him. I could now hear more soundly Adam sucking in the air and breathing it out in forms of long quiet moan. I was no amateur at that so I knew exactly what to do to give him maximum pleasure. I started poking his ass with my tongue and his legs almost gave out. Adam's moaning was now turning into wording and that was just driving me nuts.
"Oh my Gooood.
I ran my hand up his leg, reached up front and started massaging his already stiff dick and his balls. I wanted to make this last as long as I could so I was taking my time. I would lick his butt hole then his ass cheeks and things and in between them. I loved his legs, they weren't really hairy but they weren't exactly smooth either, they were just right. Beside I liked the hair; it reminded me that I was with a man, a real man. My dick was hard as rock and I just needed a signal from him, to do what I wanted to do the most at that moment.
"I , I, I..."
I was so excited my cock was throbbing with precum leaking from cock. I stopped my rim job and was just rubbing his ass. Adam turned around and then, there it was. He was cock was so beautiful; cut and thick with a mushroom head. I took hold of his cock and started jacking in it off real slowly, it was almost as if I had premeditated every single step, but no. Things were just happening to way I guess there were supposed to happen. Of course, neither one of us was a virgin nor were we `professionals' but we knew what we wanted and how we wanted, being this our second time in intimacy we were still discovering things about each other. I opened my mouth and let his cock slip inside. He tasted different than anyone else I have ever been with, hell Adam was different than anybody I've ever been with. It was a mixture of a salty and bitter-sweet flavor that I had never tried before. His dick was so hot and its skin was so soft despite rigidity. While I kept on taking as much as I could of Adam into my mouth, I was amazed with how I had taken all of that cock the night before. He was reasonably thick and definitely long, I don't really care for guys' sizes specially because I am mostly a top, but I don't think I had ever been with someone of his caliber. I was enjoying every second of that and I was doing my best to make sure that he was too. Adam put his hands on the sides of my head directing me to his liking. My throat was being poked by his tool, so I tried to relax as much as I could to let him in. It took me a while to finally feel comfortable with his size but I soon was able to savor his big cock. I had one hand on his ass and with other I was playing with his balls, tugging on them and caressing them. I knew Adam was loving it, I mean his moaning didn't lie.
Suddenly, I was struck with the thought of our first date in Top of the Hub. Actually, what I remembered was when we were walking on the grounds the First Scientific Church by its water fountain. The way the sky was clear and the moon reflected magnificently on the water. The passion that was being born in both of us, and the pure and sublime feeling that took over our beings before our first. In my mind that picture didn't fit with this picture now; me on my knees in the bathroom sucking Adam off as if I had just picked up at a dark corner somewhere. It didn't right, I couldn't say why, but it just didn't. I looked at caught Adam eyes. I pulled myself to my feet and just stood there staring at him in the eyes. He must've read in my eyes my thoughts and just said.
"It's okay, I understand."
I didn't say anything I just leaned in and kissed him. Adam embraced me in his arms and continued kissing me. The water was still on and it was hitting Adam in the back. I had my hand going up and down, but for some reason I didn't want to touch his anymore. In fact I just wanted to do this; make out. For some reason while I was sucking him I felt dirty, vulgar, nasty. It had nothing to do with having oral sex it was just that it seemed too soon, to premature -- which was odd because last night nothing like that crossed my mind. I wasn't going to get back down on my knees, but I also thought it was unfair to leave him `hanging', even though he said he understood. So I wrapped my fingers around his dick and started massaging it dick. I didn't let of his lips, we kept kissing more and more and more. Slowly I felt that feeling of the first night come back to me. Like before, nothing else matter, nothing else was important. A feeling of completeness and an everlasting happiness that is so intense that not sound is heard, no scent is smelled, and no sight is seen. At that precise moment, we became one. And I knew that Adam was feeling the same thing too. His legs started shuddering and he shot his load right at me. He hit me on the hips and legs I kept on milking him while he continued coming but I was unaware of what I was doing, All I felt was this intense nothing that was completed by him. Adam finally stopped shooting but remained hard. I broke our kiss and look at him, and he said.
"Sorry." He said
"About what?" I asked
"About the mess that made on you."
"It's okay, I liked it actually."
"How about breakfast now? I'm starved." He said panting.
I nothing said. I just looked at him searching in his eyes for an answer of a question I had burning inside. I wanted so much to ask him, oh God how I really did. However, it was so perfect, too perfect for me to spoil it with something so... silly. So instead of asking him anything I just nodded, agreeing with joining him for breakfast. We washed up and got dressed. Every minute, my heart ached with that cursed doubt that I had decided to hold inside. I had to will myself to forget about feelings and to just focus on what was happening now, no envisioning, no reveries, I had to maintain myself focused and grounded. We ate, and talked, mostly about anything that wouldn't force us do too much analyzing at that moment. Well I should said say that I did most of the talking actually it's a way that I found to keep myself safe from my inner demons. I talked mostly about my family and things of childhood. Why? I don't think I would know it myself. I believe that maybe because when I was child was truly when I was mostly happy. I was most definitely safer than I am now. Decision making was something done by someone else, much wiser than I. My life resumed in loving and being loved. There was no heartaches, maybe a few minor headaches but overall, I remember everything being so much easier, simpler. While I talked I noticed how attentive Adam was. How much he really seemed to be interested in what I was saying. It was almost like telling a little kid a new story, something that they've never heard before. We talked for a while than reality came knocking on the door and we both had to resume to out normal lives. Well, Adam did, I had the day off -- not really, I had go to my singing lesson later on in the evening. While I put the dishes away and to put some order in the rest of the place. Adam went to living room to make a few phone calls. Once I had wiped everything and put the dishes in the washer, I headed to the bedroom. I closed the door and put a vocal warm up cd. in the stereo. While I was fixing things up I followed the instructions on the cd, which I knew so very well now; humming for vocal cords awakening, rib exercises for breathing and melody slides for resonance. Once everything was done, I set by the keyboard to work on my new song. It didn't have a title yet, nor a bridge. Hell, the only thing I really had was the chorus and the main idea of the song that I still needed to develop into verses. Every time I find myself in a situation like this, I always replay the chorus and try to tap into the feeling, the message of the song, what inspired me to write it. In this case, rejection against rejection itself had been my inspiration.
... I don't care for what you have to say...
...I don't care (oh no) don't bother to explain...
...I don't care, I've had it with this.
... If you won't be mine, then you might as well leave!
I kept playing and making notes on what I like and didn't. A lot times I can sit by the keyboard and play for hours and not like anything, but sometimes the music just flows right through me and I can write an entire song in a half hour. I guess today was one of those good old days because in about 15 minutes I had already settled on two verses, which were going to work well for the first half of the song. The lyrical part was good; clear and communicative, and the melodic part was fitting right in with the rest of the song. I was so excited that I got a tape recorder and started recording the song; first, just the melody with a few arrangement here and there, then the melody with the lyrical part, that is, me singing the song.
...Calling at night, trying to sweet talk me...
...Leading me on, making me believe...
...That you and I were meant to be...
...Just like one of those couples you see on the screen.
...Caught in your lies, oath and promises...
...Games that you play but didn't win...
...You thought I just another one...
...Took me granted, hurting me ...
...I don't care for what you have to say...
...I don't care (oh no) don't bother to explain...
...I don't care, I've had it with this.
...If you won't be mine, then you might as well leave!
Pah, pah, pah! I turned around and saw Adam in the room clapping his hands, with a big smile on his face. I was extremely embarrassed. I am very self-conscious when it comes to my music. My cheeks were on fire and a feeling of annoyance mixed with rage was surging up from my guts. I knew in my heart that he had meant well, but I am way too private when it comes to my music. I felt invaded, violated. I looked up at his eyes and I guess he saw in them that barging in my room unannounced had not been a good idea after all. I got up and left the room, I just wanted to vanish, but I only made to the balcony. I knew I was overreacting and I knew that I was being a jerk, but I just... couldn't help it. Those were one of the reason why I loved living by myself, having my own place had given me the privacy that I needed to do a lot of things and one of them was creating music. I just stood there at the balcony, staring out at the ocean; it usually calms me down and helps me reflect. I knew that at any minute now Adam would approach me and I was going to have to explain about my burst out. I waited a few minutes and tried to focus on calming myself, I waited and waited some more, but Adam didn't come. I went back in and searched for him but he wasn't there: in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen or living room. He'd left. I couldn't believe but he had left. I fell on the couch awestruck. I was confused at first, then angry real angry and then embarrassed to realize that I was the one who had driven him away. I was definitely a screw-up. The day had started so nicely, for a moment, I thought I loved him, and he loved me too. He was a good listener and a great company -- maybe even the best I've had in years - but I had once again managed to screw everything up. I got up and went to my room. I threw myself in bed and after agonizing with the remembrance of what had happened, I eventually fell asleep.
I was back on the field, I was in Mississippi. The day was beautiful, sunny with clear sky and warm weather. There were birds flying around, and there was a nice and fresh breeze slightly bending the wheat down. I was alone and confused, and I had this weird, a bad feeling in my chest, but I couldn't figure out why. I kept on walking and turning and looking until I saw someone in the far east. I started to make my way towards the stranger in my surrounding started changing; the sky was turning gloomier and gloomier, the birds suddenly weren't there any longer and the nice and fresh breeze was now icy cold down. The knot in my throat grew tighter. It started raining slightly and I kept walking. Suddenly I was running he seemed to still be so far away. I ran and ran and ran. And the rain, was coming down heavier and heavier. I was cold and wet, but I kept running the stranger was taking form and I could tell that it was a man and he -- whoever he was -- was just standing there. I ran and waved at him but of course, he couldn't see me because he had his back turned to me. I tried calling out to him but I had no voice. I couldn't speak. I was scared. Then this ear-bursting thunder rang. Rang? I sat up quickly and tried to figure out where I was. I was back in Boston, safe in my bed. The phone was ringing in the living room. I got up and went to answer.
"Aahhhhh, Hello?" Yawned on the phone
"You were sleeping?" Matt asked in an interrogative/shocked tone
"Arg, what do you want Matt?" I said annoyed
"What do you want?" He always played that `game' on the phone when he was calling me for the hell of it
"Matt I can't do this right now." I was grumpy, what can I say? I had just woken up.
"Whatever Matt, what do you want?" I pressed on, I wasn't about to stay on the phone now playing games.
"With this attitude, nothing" He said making come back to reality
"I just woke up that's why." I explained
"Let's go out to eat, I'm hungry." Matt suggested in more of ordering way.
"Aaahhh Where?" I yawned again
"Let's go to Berttucci's. I love their rolls."
"Fine, but I need to go get ready." I said looking at clock on the microwave; it was 6:03 pm.
" Have you seen either Josh or Raymond lately."
"Because it would cool if they came."
"Oh, I know."
"I have to get ready, call them both and see if they want go, and then call me back to let me know if they need rides."
"No, you call."
"No, you call them. Hello, I need, like, to spend at the very least, 20 minutes under the shower to wake up, you know that!"
"No Vinny, come on. I'm hungry, I need to eat, like, pronto."
"Whatever you're not gonna die if you wait a few more minutes.
"Alright, I'll call."
"Then you can leave me a voicemail letting me know okay."
"Then you gotta come and pick me up in when you're ready."
"Okay." I agreed
"Hurry the fuck up `cause I'm hungry." He let out.
"Bitch." He was playing games again
"Whatever, bye." I hung up the phone
I hung up and went straight to the shower to get ready. There was another reason why I wanted Josh and Ray to come along, and that was because they're my best friends and I wanted to talk to them about the whole `Adam and I' situation. I did a lot thinking while in the shower, even though I didn't want. I am one of those over analyzer freaks that spend hours and hours going over past events, futures conversations, and things like that. And because of that I am sometimes my worst enemy. I am always setting myself up to disappointments, expecting too much, wanting too much, and wanting things to come out exactly the way I planned. I hated that, I hated myself. I just didn't want do this right now, but the more I tried to forget about this morning, the more it got stuck there, vividly, in my mind. I got out and checked my voicemail; there was a message from Matt telling me that Josh and Ray were going to meet us at the restaurant. I got dressed into something comfortable, a pair of jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and hooded sweater. I left my place around 6:30, it was somewhat early to have dinner, but I hadn't eaten anyways, so I didn't care. I got to Matt's about 15 minutes later and it took us another 20 minutes to get the Berttucci's where were gonna meet the kids. When we got there it was little past 7 o' clock in there were already seated at this nice booth by the window waiting for us. I sat right next to Ray and Matt sat next Josh on the other side of the table.
"You guys been here long?" I asked while saying hi and hugging them
"No, probably for like 5 minutes." Ray answered
"Did you guys order yet?" Matt asked
"Just the rolls and our drinks." Josh said
"Thank God, I'm starving" Matt said
"So Vinny, you bitch! You've been fucking a lot I bet because nobody's seen lately." Josh said with a smirk on his face
"Oh Lord." I just rolled my eyes, of course he knew that Adam was back from Florida
"No, seriously. We, like, haven't talked in forever." Ray turned to me, and asked.
"I am sorry I've been ...busy." I shied out there was I was going to tell them now. I couldn't blurt it all out yet.
"With what? You know you don't have a life." Matt said
"Shut up, you idiot." I snapped at him jokingly
"Oh God, there we go again." Ray said rolling his eyes.
"What are you talking about Ray?! You're such a weirdo." Josh said
"Ha, ha, ha, look who's talking?" Matt said snapped at Josh from our said of the table
"Ha, ha, ha, whatever."
At this moment, the waiter came back with the rolls and Josh's and Ray's drinks. He was very cute. Early twenties, dirty blonde-short-spiked up hair, with very strong and squared feature giving him a very masculine look. Broad shoulder and a thick neck involved by a shell choker, big and muscular arms, big chest muscles clearly visible through his a bit tight uniform and a thin waist line and a killer white straight-teeth smile. I gotta admit, the guy looked just like a model.
"Hello, welcome to Berttucci's. My name is Roger and as I told your friends I will be serving you tonight. So would anyone like to start with appetizzers?"
"No thanks, I want to order." Matt said.
"That's fine. And what would you like?"
"I want Chicken & Baked Tortellini." Matt was the first to blurt out his order
"I wanted broccoli, chicken with linguini and alfredo sauce." I ordered
"Where is that on the menu? Matt asked, searching his menu
"It isn't, I'm making my own pasta." I said handling my menu to Roger
"You can't do that." Matt said
"Yes I can dumb-ass, it says right here, see?" I pointed on his menu where it had a portion saying that you could make your own pasta.
"Oh, I didn't know that." Matt said after reading it
"And for you sir?" Roger proceeded taking our order, now asking Ray for his.
"I don't know... what I want." Ray answered while still looking through the menu with a confused look.
"Oh my God!" I sighed
"No! No, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna do that again. The orders go in together so you have to decide now" Matt said
"Ray, you always do this." I complained
"I can't make up my mind" He was still looking at the menu
"Why don't you take some time while I see what your friend wants? How about for you sir, are ready to order?" Roger said with beautiful smile.
"It depends, I know what I want but I don't see it on the menu." Josh said with a tone that I knew very well but couldn't believe he was using right there in the middle of the restaurant.
"You can create your own pasta like you're friend if you want." Roger suggested still oblivious about what Josh really meant.
"No, I had something juicier in mind. Like a steak, you know. I love a nice piece of meat." Josh said that while looking at Roger's crotch, finally making him understand what he was meaning by that.
"Oh my God" I said under my breath looking away.
"You know what? I guess I will have salmon tonight, I will just digest it better. What do you think Roger?" Josh said handing the menu to Roger.
"Lord, have mercy." Matt said in his return also under his breath
"Ur absolutely sir." Roger responded still a bit uncomfortable with Josh's heavy flirtation.
"How about you sir? Do you need some more time?" Roger turned back to Ray, still wanting to get the job done
"No, he doesn't. Come on Ray." Matt said
"Fine, fine. Jeez. I'll have the baked chicken with potatoes and spinach."
"Okay, I will be back with you orders in a few minutes." Roger said walking away.
Roger finish writing on his little notepad our orders and left, as soon as he was out of sight we all turned and stared at Josh who seemed unaware of our stare at the beginning but soon noticed it.
"What? What's wrong? Do I have something in my nose?" Already covering his nose trying to clean it but pick it.
"You are un-fucking-believable!!" Matt started
"Do I have something in my nose?" Josh asked as if he ignoring Matt's comment
"Are you even listening?" I asked amazed with his nonchalant attitude
"What, what did I do?" Josh said.
"Are you fucking kidding? You just come on to waiter like you were at a club or something. `I love a piece a meat'."Matt continued mimicking Josh
"So!! Besides that's not true. I wouldn't have talked as much if we were at a club." Josh said finally putting his hands donw and understanding that his nose was not the problem.
"Unbelievable!" I said shaking my head
"That's Josh for you." Ray said while reaching for a roll
"What is that suppose to mean Ray?"
"Nothing, just that is not like you don't do things like this constantly" Ray said with a calm that was only his.
"Whatever, I do not know you are talking about?
"Remember that one time at Virgin Mega Store that the guy even told you that he wasn't gay because you kept on making remarks."
"That guy was a loser anyway."
"Yeah but you wanted to get into his pants anyways.
"Just admit you're a whore."
"Guys, please. Settle down. I have something to tell you. I wanted to have dinner with you guys because I need your opinion on something."
I started telling them about my last 2 days, how Adam had come back Florida after his grandmother's funeral, told them about how I first reacted then later in the evening our picnic in the office. Also told about how our making out session finally developed into our first time together how the sex was mind blowing and the after-math was great up until when I screwed up like I always do. It took me about 20 minutes to tell them everything with all the details so they could truly understand what had happened. Once I was done I just looked at them, but no one was saying before I had a chance to ask why the silence, Roger came back with our orders. He still didn't make much eye contact with Josh but remained polite to him. Josh looked at him a lot with the same lust in his eyes but this time he kept quiet, probably because of what we had said. It felt sort of awkward, I could the tension in the air with a `knife' but there was no remedying it right now. Once we were set with everything he left and then it started.
"You are such a loser." Matt was the first to speak
"Shut up" I automatically answered
"I'm sorry Vinny but I'm gonna have to agree with Matt" Ray added
"I know, I know. I fucked up real bad." I said
"Oh my God! I can never understand this; why are guys like Adam wasted on people like you?" Josh said while eating his salmon.
"You finally found someone interesting, who seems to want to really get to know you, and get closer to you and you had to push him away, didn't you?" Matt said
"Okay, okay! I got it. Now, how about helping me out here, I don't know what to do." I said.
"Apologize, what else?!" Matt said
"But see that's the problem, I don't know how." I answered
"Oh my sweet Jesus." Josh just shook his head
"Okay so then let me tell you how, you..." Ray started
"Should I call him?" I interrupted him
"Shut up and listen Vinny. Go to him, don't call him. This way he has no chance of hanging up the phone on or anything like that."
"He's right." Josh agreed with Ray
"Then you stand right in front him and say `Adam I'm sorry I for being so fucking rude and a total shit-head, you're a great guy and I promise I will never fuck up like that again, if you only give me a chance." Matt ended Ray's speech.
"Hell no, I'm not humiliating myself for anyone." I snapped right back.
"Matt shut up and let Ray finish okay." Josh intervened
"Vinny listen good. You don't want to call him. You better off going to him, meeting him somewhere where he can't escape like his office for instance. Then when you get there just let your heart speak for you." Ray said
"I don't know if I can do this." I hesitated
"Forget what you know. Don't let your head lead you now, because this is a matter of the heart. Just be honest with him, you know why you did what you did. You just have to tell him." Ray finished
"Geez.!!" Josh sighed
"What?" Ray asked him
"I didn't know that side what yours, Ray." Josh continued
"What do you mean?" Ray persisted
"Next time I have a relationship problem I will be calling you." Josh said
"Whatever ha ha ha." Ray responded
"He will be charging 50 a session, and I will be his collector, personal assistant, manager and producer, getting of course, 60 percent of the everything." Matt said
"SHUT UP" Ray, Josh and myself said at the same time
We finished our meal -- well I didn't eat much because I still needed to go attend to my singing lesson. So I asked to have my food wrapped up and for the check. We were still talking about miscellaneous when Roger came with the check and handed it over to Josh. Josh opened the check and his eyes lit up almost instantaneously. A smiled grew across his face and he became radiant.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" Josh repeated
"What is he talking about now?" Ray asked annoyed
"What? What? What happened?" Matt asked all excited
"Give me this. I can't believe you're fussing about the price." I try to pull the check off Josh's hands.
"What? What price?! I knew I was right." Josh said making no sense
"About what?" Ray asked a little more interested now
"Tell us already" Matt said impatiently
"Read this" Josh game the check himself.
Inside the check there was a note in it, which I read out aloud and it said, `I get off at 11 tonight stop by then'
"Nooooooo wayyy" Matt said.
"Yep" Josh said glorified
"I can not believe it" I said
"I know, but it is right here." Ray said
"You know what, as much as it would be fun to talk about it some more I have to go guys otherwise I'll be late to my lesson." I said snapping out of it
We left the money to cover the check and left on ours ways out I heard Josh looking at Roger and say `I'll be here'. Because I had to hurry, Josh took Matt and Ray home and I went straight to class. I took lessons at this small studio located on Huntington Avenue near by the Symphony Hall. That was an area filled with music students, even Berkeley was within walking distance from the studio. I loved the placed it made me feel inspired, motivated, almost like I belonged. I got there little before 8:30, I was having double classes today which meant that I wasn't leaving until 10 o'clock at night. We started with out regular routine. Toni, the singing instructor, started me off with some a 15 minutes warms-up and then had me doing vocal exercises for about another 30. Once that was done we off the best part of the lesson when I actually got to sing. Being that they were private I pretty much had total control over the lessons and once the obligation to prepare them too. Basically, what that meant was that I was in charge of selecting the song, finding the lyrics and bringing the on a cd the regular version of the song and if I could a karaoke version of it too. Tonight I had it everything since I had done all that and left it in the cars 2 ago. At first, I play the music so Toni can get a feeling of what it sounds like. Then I sing, once and Toni corrects me on what is needed, we even talk about the song if he feels it will help me sing it better. My choice for tonight was one of my most favorite songs by Brian McKnight called `One Last Cry'. We heard it at first then talked about a bit.
"It's a very nice song, and it seems to be within your range."
"Yeah, it means some much to me, I love the lyrical part."
"That's good, the fact that you like it will help do it better because you have so much love for it. So okay, whenever you're ready you can go."
"Alright" I started
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit
Wishing all my feelings were gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
...One last cry, one last cry...
...I gotta put out my mind...
...I guess I'm down to my last cry...
"Honestly, it was average. The notes were right but it was a little dull. Try again."
I sang the same part one more part but it still sounded the same
"Vinny try and focus to see if it works. You can even close eyes, see if it helps."
I did it, but every time I closed my eyes I saw Adam in front of me and the only thing I saw was his eyes when he last looked at me before I left the room. I guess Toni was getting a little frustrated so he trying to really talk to me one more time, this time a bit more firmly that I was used to.
"Okay Vinny, here what I see. A guy with a great voice but I'm not touched by it. We've been through this before I need you to show me emotion through the song, through your singing." Said Toni visibly annoyed
"I know." I felt like so disoriented
"You can't just open your mouth and expect it to happen okay." He said in nice tone to soften it up but still he words were harsh.
"I know." It was all I could say
"Okay let's talk about the song. What do you think this song means." Toni was really trying to get me into this.
"I guess the song is about someone who's hurt, who is hurting right now. Remembering what happened, what made him feel the way he's feeling right now. And after all the hurt and pain he finally realizes that it is time to move on. But before he does all that, before he leaves all behind, before he can pack up and leave and start over he is allowing himself to cry one more time, one very last time."
"Exactly! Now you can't do this in front of audience. You can't stand there and explain to them what the song you're singing means. You have to tell them all that in your lyrics and in the emotion that you have to transmit. Try this, close your eyes and picture, the source of your problem, of your frustration. Now you're telling someone, someone important to you that, all this, will have to be part of you past, you will never go back to this again but, and this a very important `but', before you can do all this, you going to cry one last time, the last time."
"Start from the second part now."
I closed my eyes and started thinking. I needed something emotional, but something happy, because something sad was gonna take my concentration away, I need something pure something that me feel like I was what I was singing even though it should be as sad, and that was when I remembered of my first kiss with Adam. How spontaneous and natural it had been, how I felt at that moment, how happy I was. How much I wanted to say that I was sorry now. That I knew I had problems and that I was afraid of letting him in. But that I knew, I wanted him. I needed him. So I started singing picturing Adam right there.
I was here and you were there
I guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit
Wishing all my feelings were gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
...But have one last cry...
...One last cry...
...Before I leave it all behind...
...I gotta put you out of my mind...
...Stop living a lie...
...I now I gotta be strong...
...`Cuz `round me, life goes on..
...And on and on...
...One last cry...
...One last cry...
...Before I leave it all behind...
...I gotta put you out my mind...
...For the very last time...
...Stop living a lie...
...I guess I'm down...
...I guess I'm down...
...I guess I'm downnnn...
...To my last cry.
I opened my eyes and noticed that my face was a bit wet. I touched it and noticed that the wetness had been made out of tears. I'd cried while singing and didn't even realize it. Toni was looking at me with a huge smile on this face. I was a bit embarrassed, confused but somewhat relieved. As if I knew, I had done it.
"That was superb, phenomenal."
"Not only you were emotional through your voice you showed me real emotion, real feeling, a real crying."
"Don't thank me, thank yourself and whoever it was you telling this all to."
It was Adam, it had been Adam. It was to him that I'd sung. How could someone, I barely even know, make me feel this way? How could he have such impact on me? I feel so strongly when I think of him, and that scares me so much. But I knew what I have to do. It was 10 o'clock, tonight's lesson was over. I had to go, but I couldn't go home, I had to see Adam, I needed total to him and straight things out. But I didn't where he lived, by now he wasn't in the office anymore. I had to find him. So I called the only person I knew could help me now, Josh.
"Hey, Josh. It's me Vinny.
"Vinny I can't talk right now I need to get ready for Roger"
"Roger?? Who's that?
"The waiter, remember!!"
"Oh God, anyways I need your help."
"Make it quick"
"I need to know where Adam lives."
"Uhh, can't help you there, I've never been to his place."
"Oh God, okay I gotta then."
I was gonna have to call him there was no way I could avoid it, I needed to talk to him and there was nothing I could do to help it. So I took a deep breath and dialed his number. It rang 3 three times before anyone answered. On the third ring, someone picked up.
"Hello??" It was Adam.