Well today was another one of those days. I just hate my life, I guess. Maybe it is just that 17 is such a hard age for everyone, but I don't think that is it. I guess I should tell you a little about myself so you know what the hell I am talking about.

My name is Josh, well Joshua Stanton really, but I prefer Josh. Of course I have no friends to call me that, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I guess you should know that I am gay, and I have known that since like forever. It wasn't really a big deal for me, I mean I have read about all the guys who have like this big struggle and all that, not me. I just knew that I was and there was never any doubt about it.

I guess that the reason I have no friends is really my own fault, I mean I sorta withdrew from everyone. Part of that happened when my Mom died, and I moved in with Dad and Billy. Billy and my Dad became lovers about two years after I was born, so they had been together for a long time. I guess I should go back and tell you about that.

Mom and Dad split when I was a little over a year old. Dad told her he was gay and just could not live a lie. He told her that he would support me and he did. Mom never bad mouthed my Dad, but I could tell that she did not want me to spend time with him. I think that she thought he would make me gay, and I guess he did, through genes!

When she was diagnosed with cancer, she told me about it, and at that point we thought that she could be cured. The Docs treated her and all, and everything looked good for a couple of years. Then when I turned 13, she went to be tested and the results devastated her. They gave her about 6 months to live. The cancer had come back with a vengeance.

She started to worry about what would happen to me at that point. I did not understand that at all, even though I knew that she really did not care for Dad all that much, I knew that I would be living there. She tried to convince me that it would not be a good home, that it would be harmful to me. She would not let it go, she told me that she would change her will and make me live with her sister. I told her that if she did that, I would run away. I told her that I would rather work the streets and be homeless than to live with her sister, my Aunt.

You have to understand that my Aunt is crazy, I mean my Mom went to church and stuff, but my Aunt is a religious wacko. I have listened to her tell my Mom that I should never be allowed to see that pervert I called Dad. Over and over, on and on she would rant. I think that Mom was so shocked that I would defy her, that she was speechless for a while.

I guess that I had finally gotten through to her, because after that, there were no more comments about me not living with my Dad. In fact, I started to move things over there each time I visited him. He was saddened that I would lose my Mom, but thrilled that I would be living with him. I was too.

You have to understand that by this time, I knew I was gay, I knew how my Mom would react and to be honest, while I loved her, we were never that close. I mean, I didn't hate her or anything, but we just really had nothing in common. She went to church, I refused to go. She did anything and everything she could to "make me a man" and I did what I enjoyed. So maybe you can understand that while I would miss her, I was not devastated by the loss.

When Mom did pass away, it was a quiet July evening. July 15th in fact. I had seen her in the afternoon, and then Dad took me home. I had moved to his house when Mom went in the hospital the last time. The hospital called that evening about 7 p.m. and told us that she was gone. I did cry a bit, but not a lot. All the arrangements had already been made, so Dad set them in motion, and then spent a lot of time with me that evening to make certain that I was okay.

The next few days were a blur to me. I do remember one incident the first day of visitation at the funeral home. When Dad, Billy and I arrived, My Aunt was there and told Dad and Billy that they were not welcome. I looked at her and said, "If they are not welcome, then I will not be here either and you can explain it to all your uptight, holier than thou friends why I am not here!"

Well you can guess how that went over, but we all stayed! Of course we had to endure her evil looks and snide comments. The only other incident that I remember from those few days is the memorial service. My Aunt had arranged for her pastor to do the service, even though that is not who Mom had requested.

I guess she had told him about Dad and Billy, cause he started to rant about fags leaving families and all that shit. I just had enough, I got up, walked up to the front and told him to shut the fuck up, and get out. He started to rant even more, calling me names and shit. I told him if he did not leave and shut his foul mouth I would call the police. He left, so did my Aunt. I said a small prayer and then we left for the cemetery.

Later, my Dad told me how proud he was of me, and all that, but to be honest, he had to tell me that much later. I think he told me then too, but I don't really remember that.

Mom's will was read the following week, and she left everything to me, in a trust fund naturally. My Aunt was furious, to say the least. Since the trust was set up in such a way that my Dad was in charge of it, since he had custody, I guess my Aunt thought that if she could get custody of me, that she would be able to get the money.

Not two weeks after the will was read, we got served with papers fighting my custody. Now you must understand that my Dad's (yeah that is what I call them, or sometimes Dad and Pop) own a few businesses so they have good attorney's, and the money to fight this and I wanted them to fight.

I had already told Dad that I was gay, in fact I told him when I was 12. He told me that I should just hang loose as sometimes your sexuality can change. I did know that, but in my case I knew it would not, cause I had already gone through puberty at that point. I was an early bloomer!

The family court in our town is a closed court, so what happens there is not public knowledge, and can't become so. I do have a transcript of the entire thing, but only because of some court orders at the end of the hearings. What follows is some of the highlights of the hearings.

Judge Herbert: Mr. Rundan are you ready to proceed?

Ed Rundan:  Yes your Honor, I am.

J.H.:  Go ahead and call your first witness.

E.R.:  I call William Evans to the stand.

E.R.: Please state your relationship to the defendant in this matter.

Dave Long:  I object your Honor, what does this man's relationship to my client have to do with this case?

J.H.:  I will allow it for now, but there had best be a point to this.

William Evans:  I am not sure what you are looking for here, Jerry is my best friend, my confidant, my lover and more.

E.R.:  So you admit your are gay lovers?

W.E.:  Yes we are lovers and have been for over 10 years.

E.R.:  You don't think that this kind of deviant lifestyle is harmful to a child?

D.L.:  Your Honor, I object in the strongest terms to not only the question but the way it was asked.

J.H.:  Sustained, move on counselor.

E.R.:  So you do not think that your lifestyle is damaging to a child?

W.E.:  No I do not!

-----

E.R.:  We call Joshua Stanton to the stand your Honor.

-

E.R.:  So Josh, do you know what we are here for?

J.S.:  Oh yeah, I know. You all are trying to get me taken from my Dad and make me live with my homophobic Aunt.

E.R.:  So you think that someone who thinks that being gay is wrong is homophobic?

J.S.:  Of course.

E.R.:  Who told you that, was it your Dad?

J.S.:  No, my Dad has never really said much about it. It stands to reason that someone who dislikes someone because they are gay, or thinks that being gay is wrong is homophobic, or has a fear of gays. You see I looked it up in the dictionary a long time ago, must have been after the first time my Aunt called my Dad a dirty pervert.

E.R.:  Okay, well, why would you not listen to your Aunt, your Mom and your church about this issue?

J.S.:  I do not have a church, I quit going a long time ago. I refuse to believe in the God that they preach about. The God I believe in loves all his creation, not just the straight ones. As to my Mom, well I think that she was influenced by my Aunt, and also because of the hurt she felt when my Dad told her about himself. My Aunt has never been someone I listen to about anything. I mean this is a woman who thinks that bombing abortion clinics is ok. Tell me how blowing up an abortion clinic and killing people is pro-life?

E.R.:  So Josh, don't you worry about what kids will think of you, since you have a gay Dad?

J.S.:  No why would I? First, it is none of their business, and second I am gay so I really do not care what they think.

E.R.:  What do you mean you are gay? Has your Father already perverted you?

J.S.:  Mr. Rundan, you sir are an evil man. First, I told my Dad I was gay when I was 12, he told me that it might just be a phase, I knew better. Second, my Dad would no more try to pervert me than rob a bank or shot the neighbor. I have learned respect for your partner, love for your partner, how to build and maintain a relationship with your partner, from my Dad, and I resent your comments. My Mom told me that she wanted to change her will and have me live with my Aunt, I told her that if she did, I would run away and live on the street.

E.R.:  That is a pretty strong statement isn't it?

J.S.:  No I do not think it is. That is the way I felt about then and i still feel that way. Who would want to live with someone who hates them? Would you?

E.R. No further questions

D.L.:  Josh has your Dad ever done anything inappropriate with you?

J.S.:  If you mean like sexually, then the answer is no. If that is not what you meant, then I would still say no, cause I can not think of anything he has done at any time but love and support me. If I screw up he tells me what I did, and tells me to try harder, and I do, cause I do not want to disappoint him or Pop. My Dad and Pop both take time everyday to talk with me, about anything I wanna talk about. They listen, I mean really listen to me. My Mom loved me, I know that, but she always treated me like I was 6 or 7 years old. She never listened to me.

D.L.:  Well that was a rather long answer to a simple question, but that is ok. Now you said if you were sent to live with your Aunt, that you would run away, did your Dad or Pop try to tell you to do something like that?

J.S.:  No as I said I told my Mom that before I even moved in with Dad. In fact I am pretty sure he would tell me not to do something like that, but you have to understand that I will not live with someone who hates me.

D.L.:  If you think your Aunt hates you, why would she try to get custody of you?

J.S.:  Honestly, you have to understand the family. She hates gay people, but she hates Dad even more because he left my Mom. She also expected to get some money from Mom's will, I mean why else would she have been at the will reading, she was not invited to come, she just showed up. Even Grandma and Grandpa think that my Aunt has a few screws loose. I mean do you see them here supporting her? They were not happy about Dad leaving Mom, but they have both told me that I was better off having a Dad who would not live a lie, than one who was miserable. When Mom died, I told them that I was gay too, and they both told me that they would still love me no matter what! I guess that was another long answer, but you have to understand the whole family to really understand motives.

D.L.:  No further questions your Honor.

------

I was then led to the Judges chambers were he spoke to me at length. I told him that my Aunt would try to spread the fact that I was gay to as many people as she could to try and make my life miserable if she did not get me. I told him that while I respected him and the court, I meant it when I said I would run away if he placed me with her. He asked me lots of questions about my home life with Dad and Pop, and I answered him honestly. He then asked me about Pop, what I thought of him, how he treated me, etc. I told him that Pop treated me like I was his own son, he listened to me, went and did stuff with me, and all that. After that, the Judge seemed to think for a few minutes then, he let me go and took about 20 minutes, then came back.

-----

J.H.:  I was not sure when this case started if I would have to think a long time before ruling, or if the ruling would be there staring me in the face. I have read the C.P.S. reports on both homes, read the reports from school, the Psychological reports and all the other evidence submitted before we started this case. I have heard all the testimony and I am ready to give you my decision. I am not sure how or why this case was ever allowed to get this far, C.P.S. should have filed a brief on this long ago and it would have been thrown out, but it seems that there are some there who agree that gays should not be parents.

I will be forwarding my thoughts on the matter, you can be sure. In this case there is no question that young Joshua would be best cared for by his Father. We are to always look at the best interests of the child in cases like this. I find that given Ms. Walsh's antipathy towards gay people, it would only serve to injure the child to be placed in such and environment.

Furthermore, I also find that there is a possibility that Ms. Walsh will try to disrupt Joshua's life by spreading the fact that he is gay to others in the community. In order to prevent that, I am placing a gag order on these proceedings, and any violation will result in a contempt of court violation, which will result in jail time. I can assure you that I do not play around.

i am also going to place an order of adoption in the record for young Joshua. No longer will his Father be his only parent, I hereby decree that from today forward, William Daniel Evans be known as Joshua's Dad. I see no reason why, given the circumstances he should not legally have his two Dad's. he already refers to them as such, so I wanted to make it legal.

Case closed!

-----

Well you would think that would be the end of it, right? Wrong. My Aunt appealed all the way to the State Supreme Court. She lost each and every time. She also spent over a month in jail when she wrote a letter to the editor of our local paper about the case, though she did not mention my name exactly, most knew who she meant.

Surprisingly, at least to me, I caught very little flack about it. Most just left me alone, of course I was never really out there so to speak. As I said, I had withdrawn from everyone at school. I did not try to make friends, nor did I go out of my way to get involved in anything at school.

I do very well at school, straight A's and all. I do not get involved in sports or anything, not that I couldn't as I workout and run, I just see no point in it. i am more interested in reading, spending time with my Dad's and stuff like that. Dad tells me that I should be involved in stuff, but I just do not care.

Today, for the very first time, I got involved in something. One of the guys in 10th grade wants to start a Gay/Straight Group, and the Principal refused to allow the club. I went and interviewed the guy today, as I intend to do an editorial in the school paper about it. I can sense that this could be a big issue, and I am expecting him to try and censor my editorial as well.

All that is the reason that today sucks. I have to tell my Dad's about this and I am not looking forward to it. Not that they will not support me, but I think I may have to get an Attorney, and if I do, I want to spend some of the money in my trust fund, instead of them spending their money. I want to do this all on my own. This is something I believe in, and I need to do it myself. I just hope that I can make them understand that.

Well here we go. "Dad, Pop can we talk after dinner?"

"Sure we can, is it important, do you wanna wait that long?" Pop said.

"It can wait, I just wanted to make sure we could set the time aside." I said.

'No problem, you know we will always have time to talk to ya." Dad said.

We had a really nice dinner I am sure, but I don't remember any of it. Hell it could have been the nastiest meal we ever had and I would probably not noticed. Dad and Pop noticed, cause I saw the looks back and forth.

We moved to the family room after eating and we sat on the floor facing each other like we always do when we have a serious conversation. It is a really cool idea, by the way.

"Dad's something happened today that I think I will eventually have to go to court over. Before you get upset, I didn't do anything wrong, it is not that kind of court. You see, this dude at school, is trying to start a Gay/Straight Club and Mr. Jenkins will not allow the club to form. Len, that is the guys name, has a sponsor, and everything. He filled out all the forms and all that but Jenkins won't allow it. Anyway, I wrote an editorial today for the paper after I talked to Len. I figure that Jenkins will either censor it or refuse to allow it to be published." I said.

"Why do you think that he will not allow you to publish or censor it?" Asked Pop.

"Pop, he goes to the same church as Aunt Vera. On top of that, he has censored stuff before. No one will stand up to him, and I want to, cause this is important." I explained.

"Son you know that we will back you on this, so I am guessing there is more to this. Just go ahead and tell us and then we can talk more if we need to." Dad said, with a laugh.

"Ok, you asked for it' I laughed. 'if I have to, I wanna take this to court. I know I will win, the law is on my side. The thing is, I want to pay for this myself. I know you guys could, but this is important to me, and I just have to do it myself. I know you want me to be careful with the trust money, but I feel that this is something that I have to do for myself. Do you understand?" I almost pleaded.

The room was silent for several long moments. Dad and Pop looking at each other, almost in silent communication it seemed. After several long minutes, Pop looked at me, smiled and said, "Josh I am so proud of you. I guess if this is what you really want to do, I have no objection to it."

"I feel the same way Josh. I know you feel the need to do this on your own, and I guess you can use your money, but I hope you will allow us to be in on everything?" Dad asked.

"Oh, of course I want you guys involved, hell you know I'll wanna come to ya for advice and shit, like I always do. I just feel like I have to pay for this and do the contacting and all myself, ya know?" I stated

"Yes I do Josh. I think that we need a beer after all this!' Pop said, and promptly rose to get them. Dad and I just laughed at him. A couple minutes later he came back with 3 beers and we all raised them in a silent toast to each other.

©2006 By: Wildheart

Here ends the first chapter. If you like the story, and want more, please e-mail me. As a writer on the internet, the only pay we get is your e-mails. Please feel free to comment, give me your story ideas, thoughts, etc. I hope to hear from you soon!