Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 13:50:18 PDT
From: Eric Mann <manneric@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Life so far 2 college

My Life So Far 2

Personal Note: Usual disclaimer, if you shouldn't be reading this please
don't get caught!

My first sexual relation was at the age of 18, it happended on November, so
that day after walking away from the apartment of Jordan, I was between
happy and sad, I was happy because I finally discovered that I don't like
sex with guys, and sad because I have to get laid with someone that I
wasn't even atracted to, to discover that.

The next weeks, my mind couldn't excape from that apartment, from that
terrible experience, it wasn't maybe that bad, but all those years in which
I was saving myself for someone especial were thrown to the trash can, I
felt dirty in every way, I couldn't look in the eyes to my parents because
I thought that I wasn't worth it.

The semester finally finished, my first semester at college, my grades were
good enough to jump to the next step and don't have to repeat them, and
sadly I discovered that I still was atracted to guys, even that I thought
that I wasn't gay because I didn't liked to have sex with men, but I was
wrong, I started to enter to the mIRC again, this time meeting people that
were far from home, I didn't want it to meet somebody else.

In the mean time, at college I bumpted to Jordan a few times, and he was
saying "hi" to me, but I didn't want it to talk to him, so I wrote him an
e-mail in which I give thanks to him for helping me to discover myself, and
that unfourtanley for him I discovered that I wasn't gay, I think he got
the point, I never saw him again, and our ways crossed a few times but,
neither of us said hi to each other.

The semester ended, I was happy because collegue wasn't that bad, I was
trying to make a few friends but I just have a small group of foreign
friends, three girls and two guys, by new year I had the feeling that 1999
was going to be special, that something was going to change on my life.

At the new years party, when the time for all the hugs and wishes came, my
aunt gave me a big hug, and told me that her wish for me was to find a
girlfriend, I tought great I'm gay, but her wish wasn't that bad, maybe I
could find someone like me, and I don't know work something out.

The semester at college started finally, and I was more distant to my group
of friends because we didn't have similar schedules, son we didn't have
time to sit and talk, so my first weeks at the cafeteria weren't really
fun, I was all by myself in that big place, the first day of classes I met
a guy named Jeremy on one of my classes, he was hot, I loved his body since
the first day I saw him, he was kind of built, light brown skin, shorter
than me, the second time we had class together, he seated right next to me.

"Hi" he told me ofering his hand to me

"Hi" I barely answered I couldn't believe that this hot guy was actually
talking to me

"I already hate this class" he told me not knowing what else to say

"I know, it's so boring" I told him

And that was it, we talked the whole class, the teacher was getting pissed
because we couldn't shut our mouths off, he told me that he was studying to
be an engineer (which meant, that this was probably the first and last
class in which we would be together, and that they were very few
probabilities of him being gay), I turned on may "gay radar" or at least
the thing that was supposed to tell me when somebody else was gay.

I discover that he hadn't had a girlfriend, that he's a little bit shy
sometimes, he doesn't like big parties, so I said well is somekind like me
maybe he is gay, after a few classes we discovered that after our class
together we didn't have more classes, so he invited me to his apartment,
which I say yes of course, we were there alone because his sister wasn't
home until 6 o clock, and he turned on his laptop and started watching
porn, well he told that it was boring becasue the images didn't have
movement, I just laughed at hi comment it was the first guy I met, who said
that he didn't liked to watch porn sites on the internet because they
didn't have movement!!, the his sister arrived and they invite my to go to
the mall, because she needed to by something, I agree and we went to the
mall, his sister went alone to do the shopping and we were behind at the
record store, I told him the kind of music that I liked, he said that the
new record of "The Offsrping" was a little bit hard, and he didn't like it,
I was like "no way it's great", then we found a record with various artist.

"hmm... Madonna, I don't like Madonna, well at least the new record" he
said watching the list of sons that included the record.

"I like Madonna, I mean is not that bad" (shit he's not gay)

"The other I've got their album, and well Backstreet Boys....they are cool"
he said looking at me.

"Yes they're cool, Ipve got the single of the Everybody song, but I don't
have the almbum" I said to him, I didn't want it to look so gay, but what
the hell was that, he liked the backstreet boys!!!, maybe that was a sign.

We met with his sister and went to dinner, we were talking, and well she
was saying way to much information about his brother.

"He was always at home, it was bout time you make some friends" She told
him while eating some more of her chinnese food.

"Shut up!!" he said a little pissed.

"I'm telling you, you better take this boy out, to meet the city" she said
to me, I just laughed at her comment.

"It's all bulshit, I've got friends but she's never home, so she don't know
them" he said trying to not be embarassed.

"He talks alot about you" his sister told me and I almost split all the
soda to her.

"Of course, we're on the same teamwork, and he helps me with my classes" He
told she trying to explain, and to not get her wrong.

We went back to his apartment, and I said good bye to them, and went home,
this afternoos has been so funny, I spend it with the guy I like, and well
if my radar was right, I have a little more possibilities than I tought.

Next day I was at the cafeteria alone like usual, but was trying to make
some homework, and I was sad because I knew that I wasn't going to see
Jeremy today, our classes were just on Monday, Wensday, and Friday, anyway,
I was there then hear Jeremy.

"Can I sit here with you" he said with his plate of food in his hand

"Of course I say" and moved away some things from the table

"What are you doing" he asked me and started to eat

"I'm just finishing some homework" I said and started to put everything on
my backpack "Do you wanna go to the movies today" I asked hoping for a good
answer

"Today, I can't I had way lot homework to do" he said and continued eating

"Oh ok" I said and was a little bit sad, "Just tell your sister that I
asked you, so she won't be mad at me 'cause I don't take you out" I said to
break a little tension that I had, he just laughed at my comment

"I will" he said

Well we started to became really good friends, and I knew that I was gay,
'cause I was falling for this guy so hard, we talked at the phone for two
hours, which was a big record for me because I don't like to talk by phone,
but what I didn't like it was that when I invited him somewhere he had
always something to do, and when he invited me somewhere I always say yes,
I sweared to myself more than five times that I was going to stop liking
him, but I just couldn't everytime I sai siomething like that, the next
day, I would see him, and he would invite me to his apartment or something.

Well like I told you before I started entering to the chat room again, and
one day, entered the local chat room, and met a guy, he's nickname was
"snake", he was cool, and he was studying on a different University so I
agree to meet him in person, I arrived at our "date" and he was already
there, I aproached him, and he started to walk to me.

"Is this the only record store?" he asked me, that was our cue to see if we
were talking to the right person

"Yes it is, Hi how are you, I'm Jonathan" I said shaking his hand

"Cool, I'm Roger" he said and we started walking

"So you study marketing right" I aske to him

"Yes" he answered

"I loved marketing but, I'm not studyng that because I don't like to do
survey's and stuff, you enjoy doing that?" I continued talking about his
career, he laughed and said

"Ok, to tell you the truth, I don't study marketing, i'm studying foreign
relations, at your University" he told me a little bit nervous

"Really?...then why you didn't told me that" I asked, I felt kind of
stupid, for believing everything he told me

"Because you told me that I shouldn't met guys from my same school,
remember?" he said to me and well I remembered that I told him about Jordan

"Yes I remember" I smiled

"I tought that if you knew that I was studyng at the same college, you
wouldn't wanted to meet me" he said and looked at me, well, this guy was
shorter than me, ligh brown skin, thin very thin, and dark brown eyes, and
hair, nothing special, but well he could be hansom, with an optimistic
point of view, we finished the whole mall.

"Well looks that we have been walking thru the same thing ah" he said and
stopped walking

"Yes, this mall is really small, I don't like coming here" I said to him

"Well I've got to go now" he said

"Oh ok, sure" I said, and started to walk to the exit

"Want a ride?" he asked me

"Sure, why not" I told him and he took me to a street near my house, I
didn't know why but, I still didn't trust him that much, to take him to
look where I lived

Thus happened aroud april, my friendship with Jeremy was great, but I knew
that he would find out that I liked him, if I was always with him, and well
this guy Roger, I don't know, maybe we could work something out.

To be continued...

Well that's all for the chapter 2, try to remember the nicknames, and names
of the people, 'cause later on, you will hear them again. Please send me
comments to my e-mail, so I can know that they're people out there reading
my story, if I don't receive e-mails, I won't continue with the story.
Write me to manneric@hotmail.com