Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:25:58 EST From: ImJeff0882@aol.com Subject: My Roommate Nick, part 25 The following story contains graphic sexual scenes involving adult males. If material of this nature offends you then you should not read this story. Additionally, if you are under 18 years of age in most states you are not allowed to read this story by law. This story is mostly true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The author (Jeff Hunter) claims all copyrights to this story and no duplication or publication of this story is allowed, except by the web sites to which it has been posted, without the consent of the author. Positive comments are always welcome and you may e-mail them to ImJeff0882@aol.com My Roommate Nick (Now my life-partner Nick), part 25 BACK AT SCHOOL We dropped Matt and Nick's mother at Matt's apartment and started our drive home. Nick said, "My mother said she was saving money and wanted to help me with school expenses. I didn't tell her about your parents paying our living expenses. I worried that it would make her feel bad. I told her that she didn't have to pay for anything and that I was going to take out loans." "Maybe it's important to her to help you." He nodded. "She said that she didn't want me to pay my dad the money he said I owed him. I told her that I wasn't going to be able to for a while, but that I intended to pay him back. She suggested that I let her help me out and that what I do is take the money she can send me and keep half of it and start sending my dad the other half." "What did you say?" "I said that I thought I should use my money to pay him back. She said that she loves me and wants to help me. She said, `Please let me help. Let me do what I can. Don't cut me out of your life'. I told her that I wasn't cutting her out of my life. She said that I was still in school and that it was always her hope that she could pay for my college education. She kept saying, `Please let me help you'." "Nick, let her help you. Not for the money, but let her be part of this. When I got my BA and was going for my master's I told my dad he didn't have to help me anymore. I told him I would be earning money and I could take out loans." Nick looked at me. "He said, `Jeff, if I don't spend my money on your mother and on you, why am I working for it. Allow me the pleasure of feeling like my life has purpose. Let me help you." Nick sighed. "Your mother wants to be a mom. Let her show her love the way she wants to. Think how she must feel with you not allowed in her house. She can't spend holidays with you. She must be hurting. Think of how she'll feel when you graduate law school and she knows that she's made it a little easier for you." "I told her okay. I told her that I'd send half to my dad. But I told her that if I was ever rich that she'd have to let me do something for her." "What did she say?" "She said that all I had to do for her was be happy." Nick started crying, sobbing kind of crying. He kept shaking his head. My eyes filled with tears. When he calmed down, I said, "She loves you a lot." He nodded, wiping his eyes. "I hope this is the right thing to say and the right time." He looked at me. "Matt loves you, too." He nodded. "I know. I apologized again this morning while you were sleeping. He just gets me crazy sometimes." Silence. "I was an asshole." "Yeah, but he's family and it is okay." He smiled. I said, "You'd better not pull shit like that on me." We sat silently. It felt like he had more to say. I was waiting. He took a deep breath. I was still waiting. He said, "I want to say something and I want you to listen to me. Don't pounce." I glanced at him. "You said that what happened between you and Paul was different from what was going on between Matt and me. You said that he was opening up and you'd never pounce and I was pouncing." He took another breath. "But what you're not seeing is that it was personal. I'm not sure exactly how, but I felt like I was getting torn apart. Not that he was attacking me. He wasn't. But I felt angry at him. I felt like all those years that I felt so alone, so crazy, so scared of him and my dad. All those years I had no one and he was so full of himself and seemed so selfish and self centered. Then he's talking to me about being gay but not gay. He told me never to kiss a guy and he was tongue wrestling Cory. "I fuckin' wanted to beat on him. He got to be this shining boy who everyone looked up to. The athlete, the wonderful son, the hot guy who was fucking girls, and I was the shy, scared, fag. I've tried to explain to you what it was like to be me around them. It hurt and I felt alone. He could have been a cool older brother, but he wasn't." His voice sounded pained. "Now, I'm supposed to be the cool younger brother. "Sure he's being kind now. And that's who you know, but I know him all my life and when he started talking I wanted to beat on him. So, if felt personal." We sat silently. He was staring out the passenger side window. I said, "Can I talk now." He looked at me. "If you're going to get in my face, I'm not ready." He still sounded upset. "I'm not going to get in your face. You're right. It was personal. I was wrong about that. I get that it had to be hard for you growing up and I get that it was hard for you to listen to him. You're right that I only know and relate to the Matt of today. "The other thing you're right about is that I have no idea what it was like for you. I was an only child. I know what it was like to be lonely and scared about being gay, but I was never alone. I had at least four older brothers and three older sisters, and they loved me and thought I could walk on water. So, I didn't experience anything like what you experienced." I glanced over at him. He was crying. "Nick what's wrong." He looked like he was trying not to cry but he started sobbing. "Nick did I say something wrong." He turned away. "Fuck, Nick I didn't mean to hurt you. Did I say something to hurt you?" He shook his head. I said, "Can you tell me what's wrong." He said, through his tears, "People always try to explain it away. My mom always says I just didn't understand or I was a very sensitive boy. Matt has all his excuses." "Okay, so." "I don't know you just said that you got it. Fuck, why is it that you make people cry." "Who do I make cry?" "Brad always cries. Now I'm feeling like a jerk." I laughed. He said, "I thought you were going to get angry at me and tell me I was wrong and being a brat." He sat quietly for a while. "You just can't imagine what it as like growing up with my dad. Your dad is so different. My dad, the born again asshole. Fuck, I hate him," I glanced at Nick. I'd never heard him say that before. "Fuck, I hate him. My whole fuckin' childhood was fucked up because of him, not Matt. Matt was just trying to survive him like I was. Matt was afraid of him just like I was." He seemed restless in his seat. "I really hate him. Fuck, if he were here I'd tell him that he was the most fucked father I could imagine. Fuck," he screamed and slammed my dashboard with his hand. "Matt and I could have been friends. My whole childhood could have been different." He hit my dashboard again. "FUCK." I kept glancing at Nick. I said, "Do you want me to pull over?" He started laughing. "Why, do you think I'm cracking up?" I chuckled. "Well, not cracking up, but maybe a splinter here and there." We laughed. He said, "I feel better. I don't know why, but I do." I glanced at him. He glanced at me and smiled. He said, "Have I ever told you that I love you," and smiled. "Yeah, but you can say it again." He laughed and nodded his head. He stretched in his seat. He said, "Enough of this." He opened our CD case and said, "If I put something on, will you promise not to sing." "No." He closed the case and put it away. I laughed. "If you let me sing, I'll give you the best blow job tonight." He laughed. "You'll give me the best blow job tonight even if I don't let you sing." We both laughed. He said, "I know you love my dick in your mouth." I smiled. He glanced at me and laughed. "You know you do." I moved my tongue around on the inside of my cheek, making it seem like I was sucking dick as I put my fist to my mouth. He said, "I love it when you start to moan with my dick in your mouth. I know you're in ecstasy; the sweet taste of my cock, the taste of my pre-cum teasing your taste buds. It makes you hungry for my cum, starving for my cum, sucking hard on my dick trying to suck the cum out of my balls." I said, "See, you say I make you horny. Talking like this makes you horny. Keep it up and you'll get a hard on." He pulled down his pants and underwear. He was hard. "No, what I said is that I see your big dick and hot little ass in the morning and then have to think about it all day. That makes me horny." He kept grabbing my hand and moving it toward his erection. I kept pulling away. He reached for my crotch. "Don't! I'm driving and I can't drive while you do that." He sat there with his pants down. He wasn't jerking his dick but he was flipping it from one leg to the other and playing with his balls. I said, "Put my Coldplay CD on," trying to ignore him. "No." "I'll just sing to one song. We'll put it on first and then play the whole CD." He started laughing. "If you don't put it on, I'll sing without the music." I started singing, Green eyes, by Coldplay. "Honey you are a rock upon which I stand. And I come here to talk I hope you understand. That green eyes, yeah the spotlight shines upon you." "Okay, fuck, stop." He pulled out the CD case. "But if I do this I get what I want tonight," he said, smiling. "Fine, but not in front of the boys. And you have to put on Green Eyes first and let me sing and then I get to sing again when it plays again." He laughed, put in the CD and said, "Have I ever told you that I hate you." I started singing again, this time with the CD. He looked at me and said, "See you made me lose my erection. I never lose an erection. Only your singing makes me lose my erection." I kept singing, but I substituted the words Brown Eyes, for Green Eyes. Nick has brown eyes. "Brown eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find and anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind. Because I came here with a load and it feels so much lighter since I met you. And honey you should know that I could never go on without you. Brown Eyes, Brown eyes." He sat there with his pants down, shaking his head and rolling his eyes and, of course, smiling. When I was done singing I said, "Deep in your heart you know you love my singing." He laughed. "Deep in my heart I know I love you, but I hate your singing." We drove for the next hour with him with his pants around his knees. He's so proud of his junk. He loves to tug on it and move his balls around. He'd say things like, "I think my package is pretty nice, don't you?" or he'd say, "Look, my dick is moving. Watch it get hard." I'd glance over and his dick would be swelling up and moving from between his legs, up along side is leg, He said, "Ah, look it likes you. It's pointing at you. It wants you to touch it." I shook my head but kept glancing at it. Then it was pointing straight up. "Yeah, well it's pointing at you now. So, you can touch it." Of course, he did. We stopped for gas. As we pulled back onto the highway I said, "Brad and Steve." "What about them?" "They don't know we're coming back. We should call them. They're planning on spending the weekend naked and fucking." Nick chuckled. "No, we shouldn't. Let's just show up." He laughed. "Maybe we'll catch them fucking." "We should call them," I said. Nick said, "Okay." He dialed Brad's cell. Brad answered. Nick said, "Hey. How's it going?" He listened. Nick said, "Okay, don't say anything. We're on our way back. You up for play a trick on Steve." Nick nodded. "Okay, are you guys naked? Good. Okay," Nick laughed. "When we're about ten minutes away, I'll call you. Why don't you start messing around with him and we'll walk in." Nick smiled and nodded. I said, "You are such a perv." "Great, yeah that's great." He hung up. "What did he say?" Nick laughed. "He thought it was a great idea. He said they'd be in the living room so that when we walk in they'll be right there." I shook my head. "You really are a perv." Nick laughed. "Come on. You know it will be funny." I said, "How would you feel if they did that to us," and as soon as I said that I thought, what a stupid thing to ask. He laughed, "I'd smile and keep fucking you." We drove the rest of the way home. We talked about Matt most of the way. We talked about Nick's being angry with Matt. Nick agreed that it really pissed him off listening to what Matt said about Cory and how Cory then ridiculed Nick and tried to distance him from Matt. As we got closer to home it was getting closer to dinner time. We agreed that we'd go home, interrupt the boys and then see what they wanted to do for dinner. Nick called the apartment as we pulled off the highway. He held the phone to his ear and smiled at me. No one answered. Nick hung up and said, "I wonder why he didn't answer." I said, "Maybe their in the shower or maybe they're going at it." Nick called again. No answer. "I wonder if they went out." "He'd answer if he was out," I said. He nodded. We pulled up to the apartment. We could see that the lights were on in the kitchen. The way our apartment is laid out is that when you walk in there is a short entry way. To the left is the entrance to the kitchen. The kitchen is long and narrow and has one of those open counters that you can look into the living room/dinning room. There is a window in the kitchen over the sink. If you walk straight and pass the kitchen you'll enter the living room. If you turn left in the living room and walk across the living room, you'll enter a little hallway that leads to the bedroom and the bathroom. Nick called again. No answer. "I bet they're going at it," he said. He was all smiles. He told me to leave our luggage behind. We quietly climbed the steps. When we got to the door we saw that it was slightly ajar. Nick smiled and nodded. I guess we both thought that Brad left it open so that we could get in and not be heard. We both very slowly and quietly walked into the apartment. Nick walked ahead of me. We could see the sofa. They weren't on it. Then Nick glanced into the kitchen. I saw the expression on his face. He looked shocked. He yelled, "OH FUCK!" and jumped back hitting the wall. I immediately glanced into the kitchen. Nick yelled, "SHIT!" I stared at Brad and Steve naked on the floor of the kitchen. I felt my knees get weak. Then there was laughter. Brad and Steve started laughing and rolling around on the floor. Nick sat on the floor and said, "Fuck, you are so dead." Brad said, "Exactly." What we saw was Steve lying naked, face-up on the kitchen floor. Brad was lying face down beside him. He was also naked. They had this red, blood like liquid smeared on their chests and backs. It was on the floor and spots of it were on the refrigerator and the cabinets. They looked like there had been some kind of massacre. There was a lot of this blood-like liquid. Brad and Steve kept pointing at Nick who was now laughing. I think the expression on Nick's face scared me more than what I saw. For some reason, it didn't look real to me. But Nick had been had but good. Nick kept laughing and pointing. "You guys are so going to get payback." Steve had tears running out of his eyes. He kept saying, "You should have seen the look on Nick's face." I couldn't help but stare at Steve's naked body. He has wide shoulders and a nice smooth chest and small waist. He has a nice round butt. He very comfortably moved around on the floor as he kept laughing at Nick. His junk was very attractive. He obviously trims his pubes. His scrotum was loose and his balls moved as he did. His penis was about three or four inches flaccid and cut. All in all, he was a very attractive man. Nick stood up and glanced at his crotch. Steve and Brad feel on the floor and laughed again. Nick smiled. Nick had wet his jeans. He had been complaining that he had to pee but didn't want to stop on the way home. Again, I watched as the boys rolled around exposing their junk and their asses. The red blood like liquid made the floor slippery. Nick said, smiling, "Fuck, you got me good. But, I'm going to pay you back double." Brad pointed at Nick and said, "You peed your pants," and laughed hysterically rolling around on the floor with his legs pulled to his chest. Steve pointed and laughed. Nick laughed, pulled down his pants and underwear and grabbed his dick. He said, stepping into the kitchen, "I'm going to pee on both of you." They both jumped up and slipped on the floor. Nick laughed, pulled off his wet pants and underwear and threw them at Brad and Steve. Now, Nick was half naked. I said, "Okay, okay. What the fuck is this stuff?" Steve smiling said, "It's just this water paint for kids." I said, "Paint?" "No, it's this stuff that kids can play with. They can pour it on their bodies and on the bathtub and it just washes off. We told the lady what we were using it for and she laughed and said it would wash off stuff. We tried it on a small spot on the floor and refrigerator and it comes right off." Steve stood up, still having no hesitation about being completely naked. He carefully walked toward me, holding a large bowl where they mixed the paint, to show me what was left of it and the paint on his body up close. He said, "We had to mix a couple of colors to get it to look like blood. We did it here in the kitchen so we wouldn't get it on the rug." I said, "Good thinking. You guys are going to have fun cleaning it up." I took off my shoes and socks and walked into the kitchen avoiding the mess on the floor. I grabbed a new roll of paper towels and a new sponge and handed it to Brad. I said, "So, Brad told you what Nick's plan was?" Steve nodded and smiled. Brad said, "It took us about ten minutes to think up something. Do you think he's pissed?" "Not at all. Anyway, he deserved it." Nick had gone to the bathroom to pee. When he returned, now completely naked, he grabbed one of the dinning room chairs, sat in the entry way, looking into the kitchen and said, "I'm going to have fun watching you guys clean this all up." I said to Nick, "Go and put some clothing on." "Why? They're naked. When they get dressed, I'll get dressed." He stepped into the kitchen and looked at the bowl of liquid. "What is that stuff?" Steve handed it to him and explained. "It washes off?" I know Nick, and I instantly knew what was going to happen. I tried to step around him, but he looked at me and smiled. I pointed to him and yelled, "Don't! I'm dressed. You'll get it all over my clothes." He was between me and the doorway. "Then take them off," he said. I was wearing one of those long sleeve winter thermal Abercrombie tee shirts. I had had a shirt over it but had taken it off in the car. And I was wearing jeans and boxer briefs. I pointed to him and very seriously said, "Don't you dare. I swear if you do, I'll hurt you. I'm serious now." Brad said, "Do it," and laughed. I knew I was in trouble. My plan was to push against Brad and Steve. Their feet were wet with the paint and they had to be careful not to slip. Then I was going to try to get past Nick. So much for plans. I pushed Steve into Brad, but Steve grabbed me and I slipped and went down with them. Instantly, they were on top of me. Nick said, "Get the shirt," as he began to tickle me. I hate to be tickled. My clothes were covered in paint as I tried to get up. Nick kept knocking my legs out from under me as he pulled down my pants. So much for wearing jeans that are too big. After they got my shirt up, I was able to grab onto Steve and pin him to the floor. The room is not all that large, so the three of them had the advantage. Nick kept pulling my legs out from under me. He had my pants and underwear down to my ankles, then they were off. The three of then stopped. I sat on the floor. My shirt was still on. Steve and Brad were laughing and poking me. I was covered in paint. I said, "You're all assholes." Sitting there, I pulled my shirt off and threw it at Nick. And, knowing Nick, I knew that as soon as I did that, I made a mistake. He picked up the bowl of paint and smiled. I tried to get to my feet but I was quickly covered in paint. Brad and Steve were laughing. Nick stood there naked and smiling. He was the only one who was not covered in paint and I think he realized that as I did. The idiot tried to move quickly, but of course, that wasn't going to work. I grabbed his leg and yanked and down he went. He started laughing as I jumped on top of him rubbing against him. Brad and Steve sat there laughing and cheering. Nick being Nick, didn't wrestle or try to get away, instead he wrapped his legs and arms around me and started humping me. Brad and Steve laughed. We had to decide if we were going to shower, dress and then clean the kitchen or if we were going to clean the kitchen and then shower and dress. Either way, there was a big mess to clean up. Nick and I wiped each other down with paper towels then stuffed them into a large garbage bag. Steve and Brad did the same. We then wiped most of the paint off the cabinets, refrigerator and stove and then the floor. The two boys were on their hands and knees wiping the floor and, of course, Nick had to make sure that their ass cracks were covered in paint. The paint was actually pretty easy to wipe up, but everything had to sponged down. We each grabbed a sponge and started working. With four of us working, rinsing the sponges in the sink frequently, we were bumping into each other. Nick was enjoying himself. He kept grabbing my junk. Brad and Steve would laugh. Brad and Steve said they'd do the floor. Nick and I stepped out of the kitchen and watched, guiding them to spots they missed. Nick kept saying, "Damn, what cute boy butts," as Steve, on all fours, washing the floor. Steve just arched his back, pointing his butt toward Nick. Steve wiped the floor and handed the sponge to Brad who was at the sink. He'd rinse it and hand it back to Steve. Brad said to Nick, "Sorry, I know you wanted to see me and Steve with hard-ons." Nick said, "I feel cheated. But the night isn't over. I might just jump out of the dark while you guys are fucking on the sofa tonight." Steve laughed. Finally, the kitchen was clean. I said to Brad, "You two take the first shower and save us some hot water. Then we'll take you both to dinner." Brad and Steve went into the bathroom. I said to Nick, "You know he's in your class." Nick said, "He's not in my section and I have absolutely nothing to do with his grade. Besides, he's cool. Don't sweat it. He's not going to say anything." I rinsed off the sponges, put them away and said, "That was pretty funny." Nick smiled and nodded. We went to the bathroom. I yelled, "Don't use all the hot water." Brad said, "We're done, you can get in." He turned off the water, pulled the shower curtain back. Nick and I were standing there, ready to get in. Both Brad and Steve had hard-ons and very nonchalantly stepped out of the shower. They smiled as they stood there, grabbed a towel and began drying themselves. Nick and I stepped into the shower and watched as they stood there with their dicks swinging back and forth as they dried themselves. Both of them glanced at us and smiled and walk away. I said to Nick, "You happy, you got your show." By now, he was hard. He said, "Yes, and don't tell me you didn't enjoy it." I did enjoy it. I made Nick promise that he wasn't going to walk through the living room with an erection. He agreed. We dressed and went to dinner. We talked about what happened, how they enjoyed planning it all and how difficult it was not to laugh as we walked in. Nick kept assuring them that he'd pay them back. Brad kept laughing and saying, "You pissed your pants." OUR ANNIVERSARY Nothing special. No one other than Nick and I pay much attention to it. We go to a special place for dinner. We dress up. Have a great dinner and this year we brought a change of clothes. We undressed in the backseat of the car. Try doing that with Nick next to you. Then we went dancing. We had a great time. MY BIRTHDAY It was a very special day because Nick, Brad and Steve made it that way. Everyone in my family called. It fell on a Saturday. Steve picked up Steve on Friday night. Steve told his roommate that he was going away for the weekend and spent it at our apartment. I was awakened with Nick, Brad and Steve standing naked by my bed singing Happy Birthday with a candle in a bagel. They had our breakfast on trays and were getting comfortable on the bed. I sat up, but I knew I was going to have to pee. I said to Steve, "Don't you look. Cover your eyes." He laughed and put his hand over his eyes. I uncovered myself and jumped out of bed. Of course, he looked and watched me leave the room. As I peed, I heard Steve, Brad and Nick laughing. When I came back they all focused on my crotch. "Funny," I said. I covered up. They sat on the covers and we all had breakfast. I'm not sure why I felt self conscious having morning wood in front of Steve. I had seen him hard, but I was feeling shy. Steve and Brad showered and went to the market. Nick and I crawled back into bed. The night before, I had asked for a birthday blow job. Nick rolled me over and gave me a marvelous back rub. He's great at it. He was using oil. After he worked my back and my legs, he ran his hand all over my back, around my buns and then up the crack of my ass. He'd run his fingers over my butt hole and then he'd slide a finger in. That gets me nuts. He rolled me over, massaged my legs, my chest, my arms and then ran his fingers over my erection. It felt like every nerve ending on my body was responding as he moved his fingers up and down my chest and legs and over my penis. I could feel pre-cum dripping onto my stomach. He licked it up. We kept glancing at each other and smiling. He licked my stomach as he moved my balls around in my scrotum. I was rock hard. He licked my nipples and nipped at them with his teeth. I squirmed and moaned. He smiled at me as he ran his fingers over the shaft of my dick and then around the head. He lay beside me and whispered, "I love you birthday boy." I was about so say something but he said, "Shhh." I lay still. He licked my chin and ran his tongue over my cheeks and nose and then across my eye lids. "I want you so badly." I looked at him, he said, "Shhh." He ran his tongue over my lips and he lay on top of me. We kissed. He said, "Deep down inside of me, I even love the way you sing." We both started laughing. "Shhhh," he said. "And I'll deny that I ever said that." He ran his tongue down my chest. He took hold of my dick and squeezed. I felt him licking the pre-cum off my dick and then I felt his warm mouth surround my cock. Chills ran through my body. As large as my dick is, Nick has learned to swallow it all. Soon he had he nose pushing into my pubes. He moved up and down my dick, slowly and gently dragged his teeth along the shaft. I moaned. He brought me close several times. He played with my balls and my butt hole as he continued sucking my dick. Neither of us spoke. He began sucking me hard. I felt him pushing a finger into my hole. I let him in. As he bobbed up and down on my dick, his finger moved inside of me. I was moaning, groaning and gently thrusting into his mouth. As my climax became inevitable, my legs began to tense and shake. I began squirming and breathing hard. Grunting loudly, "Oh fuck, Nick," I came in his mouth as he moaned and sucked and swallowed. He kissed me and said, "Happy Birthday." I kissed him. He said, "You want to go back to sleep or shall we shower." I said, "I'll meet you in the shower." I let him get the shower hot. When I entered the bathroom he was just getting in. I stepped in behind him. "Let me shampoo your hair," he said. I laughed and said, "I can do that." He shampooed my hair and washed my body. I kissed him, got on my knees and gave him head. We dressed. The boys returned. Their gift was going to be a dinner that they were cooking and a cake that they were baking. Brad and Steve took us out to lunch. Brad was so excited about all they were doing. It was nice to watch him. Nick and Steve watched a college football game for a while. Brad and I sat on the bed. Brad had a lot of school work to do. I read and listened to my IPOD with a new pair of Bose earphones that Nick bought for me for my birthday and our anniversary. They're fantastic. Brad and I talked. Again he told me how much he enjoys being friends with us. He said, "Steve thinks you two are great, too." I said, "I like him. He's a good guy." Brad laughed. I looked at him. He said, "He asked me if I've ever seen your dick hard. I told him that I had." I glanced at Brad. "I told him that I saw you get out of bed in the morning." I shook my head. He said, "This morning I told Nick. Nick told Steve that we'd wake you up and that sooner or later, probably sooner, you'd have to get up." I said, "I hate him." "Who Steve?" he asked. "No, Nick." Brad laughed. Brad and Steve went into the kitchen and said we were not allowed to go in. They began their baking and cooking experiment. They made a great salad with blue cheese dressing. Then we had a thinly sliced Tri tip steak, baked potatoes, and green beans. They asked Nick to buy this great bottle of Chianti wine. Steve, then Brad and then Nick made a birthday toast. Steve said, "You're the best TA I've ever had. You're a great friend. You're a kind, thoughtful and generous man. And you're hot." We laughed and sipped our wine. Brad started talking, "You and Nick are the best friends I've ever had. I don't pray much, but I often pray that I never do anything to fuck this up." Nick and I both hit him. He said, "Steve is right, you're a kind, thoughtful and generous man." He smiled. "And you are hot." We sipped our wine. He said, "Wait, I don't think I said this." We looked at him. "I love you," he said. His voice cracked and his lower lip trembled. "God, I'm such a jerk." I leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. Nick said, "Happy Birthday and thank you for loving me. You are hot and I love you, too." I got up. We hugged and kissed. Dinner was great. Then the cake was brought out. Nick and I laughed when we saw the cake. It looked bad. They sang. I blew out the candles. We cut the cake. We didn't eat it. Nick said we were all going out for dessert. Brad and Steve cleaned up the kitchen. We went out to this great coffee and dessert place. Of course, they told them that it was my birthday and the cake was a disaster. Nick ordered an entire chocolate cake. They brought it out covered in candles. Everyone in the restaurant sang. We cut the cake and pasted it around. It was a great time. Later that night we went out dancing. I danced with Steve, with Brad and then with Nick. I had a wonderful birthday. Brad and Steve slept on the sofa. Nick gave me another back rub. Before he flipped me over he fucked me. Then he flipped me over and gave me a wonderful blow job. I slept well. The next day was another football Sunday. As I've said many times in the past. Nick made me promise to service him during one halftime on Sunday. I say service him, because that is exactly what it is. Steve and Nick were watching football and, again, Brad and I were in the bedroom doing school work and talking. During the game, Nick told Steve about our Sunday sex. Steve decided that Brad should be so generous also. Nick explained that this isn't let's-get-naked-and-play kind of sex. This is pull-down-your-pants-and-bend-over or get-on-your-knees kind of sex. Nick and Steve entered the bedroom. Nick sat down on the bed and explained to Brad our Sunday sex ritual. In the past, when he's been there, we've not played our game. Nick was getting tired of missing out. After Nick explained why it's a quick and dirty suck or fuck, he suggested that Brad service Steve, while I service Nick. I said to Nick, "Ah, not in the same room." I said to Brad, "You don't have to do this. It's just his thing, or our thing." Brad said, "I'll do it. I got wood already." Nick said, "No, you don't understand. You're going to get Steve off. He gets to decided if he wants to fuck you or get sucked. The guy who watches the game gets to get off." Brad said, "I understand, and I've got wood. So, when are we doing this?" Steve said, "The first quarter is over now, so in about a half hour or less." I said, "You guys will be in the living room and Nick and I will be in here with the door closed." I looked at Nick and said, "You couldn't skip another Sunday?" "Why should I? We were having sex in here while they were having sex in there last night. Are we supposed to make believe we don't know that?" "Go watch your game," I said. Steve and Nick went back to the living room. Brad said to me, "Fuck, that's so hot. You do that every Sunday?" "Yeah, during football season." I told him about Nick watching football when he was in high school and going into the bathroom to jerk off during half time. Brad laughed. "You guys like to do stuff like that?" I explained that we thought of sex in two ways: love making and game playing. I told him that most of our sex is love making but we do play, too. I told him that the day he met us in the park we were doing one of Nick's fantasies. "We like to play once in a while. Do weird stuff. Keep it interesting. Sunday football half time is part of that. There's something nasty about being his boy toy, nasty and hot. I know he gets into it and I guess there is something exciting about servicing him. I tease him about it but I really turns me on, too." "Fuck, I've got such a hard on," he said, showing me its outline in his pants. "So, how does this work. Steve gets to decide if he's going to fuck me, or if I'm going to blow him?" "Yeah, and it's a quickie. Nick doesn't spend time with foreplay nor does he take care of me. That's why I call it servicing." Brad said, "Fuck, you're making me horny as hell. How long until we do this?" I laughed. I was wearing a tee shirt and a pair of sweat pants and socks. I started getting a hard on. Brad noticed and smiled. He asked, "What does Nick usually want you to do?" I shook my head. "It really varies. He sometimes wants a blow job and in all these different positions. Sometimes he wants to fuck me and that can be in any position. I complain about it, but I love it. It's fun." "Fuck, then do you jerk off?" he asked. "He goes back to watching TV right after he cums. But, yeah, I've lay back and rubbed on out, but sometimes I don't." We continued talking. We were both hard and enjoying the conversation. He was telling me about how good Steve was in bed. Steve loves getting fucked and loves to get sucked off, but lately he's gotten into fucking Brad. Brad said that Steve gives great head. We laughed and talked and were getting hornier and hornier. Brad said, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." We both laughed hard. Nick yelled. "What's so funny?" I said, "We're playing like we are in grade school." Brad opened his pants and out came his dick. It is beautiful. He pulled it from his body so that it stood, in all its glory, pointing to the ceiling. He glanced toward my crotch. I pulled back my sweat pants and held my cock as he held his. We smiled at each other and put them away. We could hear Nick and Steve talking and laughing. I said, "They're talking about what their going to get from us. Brad said, "Good. I hope Nick gives him good ideas." "Maybe you'd rather he didn't do that," I said. I laughed. "Just wait and see what he wants. Telling you what he wants is the big thing, or at least it is for Nick. You know, I'm am man, do me now." "You guys so this a lot?" he asked. I smiled. "Not a lot, but we keep it interesting." I nudged him. "Don't tell me you don't have all kinds of hot fantasies about what you'd do with a guy if you could." "Yeah, sure fantasies," he said and smiled. "Well, I'm not saying that Steve is the guy, but sometime there will be a guy who you'll trust enough to act them out." He nodded. "What is one of two?" I asked and chuckled. "No, fair, you first," he said and smiled. "Well, I've been acting mine out." He smiled. "Okay, one was to give a guy head in the parking lot of some store or fast food place during the day. I did that. I gave, on several occasions, head to Nick in a Mickey D's parking lot and he's returned the favor." "Oh fuck, during the day? That's hot." "So, give me one of yours." He seemed nervous. He took a breath, "This is like too weird." He took another breath. "Fuck, well, to have sex with someone, someone I know, like Steve, in a public place. Like in one of the bathrooms at school. Sometimes I go in to shit and while I'm sitting there I think how hot it would be if he were standing in front of me and I was blowing him or he was blowing me." I smiled. "Fuck, here's one. Sitting in the last row of a movie theater and putting my hand down a guy's pants and playing with his dick while we are watching the movie. He'd do it to me, too. Maybe we'd make each other cum, right in our pants. Or maybe I'd take his head and push him on my dick just when I'm going to cum." I said, "Nice. You know if you go to one of those big Cineplex places where they have 20 movies and go on a Tuesday at 1 or 2, you can find a pretty empty movie usually and you'd be able to do shit like that." He looked at me. "You've done that?" "Nick and I have gone to afternoon movies and sat in the back row. Bring a jacket or sweatshirt. Throw it over your lap and Steve can play all he wants," I said and smiled. "Fuck, wow, that is hot. Damn, fuck, you guys are awesome." I noticed Nick and Steve pulling the couch away from the wall. They were both in their underwear. I said, "Well, one of us is going to get fucked." "How do you know?" "Well, Nick likes to bend me over the back of the couch, stand behind me and fuck me. He says it gives him the perfect angle." Brad said, "Fuck, I hope it's me." They stood before us, clearly turned on. Each of them had tented underwear. I said, "So, what's going to happen." Nick said, "Steve and Brad are going to use the sofa." He signaled Brad to get off the bed. Brad stood up, looked at me and smiled. He and Steve left the room. Nick closed the door, he pulled off his briefs and said, "Stand up and get naked," in a tone of voice that sounded like he was giving orders. I smiled to myself and did as he said. He leaned me against the wall and began biting my chest and stomach while he squeezed my dick and balls. I got hard. He sucked my dick for a minute. He moved me so that I was facing a wall. He had me put my hands against it and arch my back toward him with my legs spread. I heard him spit. He wet my ass. He spit again. He pressed his dick against my hole and pushed. "Fuck," I whined. "We've got about twelve minutes. I'm going to cum in about eleven minutes and thirty seconds." "If you can last that long, so can I," I said, and chuckled. He slapped my ass and started fucking hard. "We'll see if I can last." He held my hips and fucked me. He tied my hands so that I couldn't jerk off. At times, he'd reach around to my dick and squeeze and jerk me, but then would go back to holding my hips. At times we could hear Brad and Steve. It was hard to tell who was moaning and grunting. Perhaps, it was both of them. I could tell that at times Nick was getting close. That's when he'd slow down and play with my dick. Then he was back to sliding his dick almost all the way out of my ass and then back in as far as he could. Then the pace increased. Time was about up. Nick said, "Hold still," as he grabbed my shoulder and began thrusting hard and fast. "Fuck, I love your ass," he moaned. One of the rules is that I'm not supposed to say anything. I can moan and grunt, but not say anything. Nick said, "I'm going to cum." He kept thrusting. He pulled his dick out of my ass then thrust into me hard and deep and pushed. I could feel him shaking and moaning. I felt him cumming inside of me. He turned me around. He kissed me deep and hard. I kissed him. He said, "You're the best, I swear Jeff, I love you." "Yeah, right," I said, "I'm just your sex slave." We laughed and kissed. He put on his briefs and said, "I wonder how Steve did?" I put on my sweat pants. "I'm sure he did fine. It sounded like he did." Nick opened the bedroom door and we both glanced into the living room. The sofa was back in place. Steve was sitting on it. He smiled at us and said, "The second half is starting." Nick walked into the living room. He picked up his pants and put them on. He asked Steve, "How was it?" Steve glanced at me and smiled. "Awesome." I went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. Brad joined me in the bedroom on the bed. He said, "Fuck, that was so fuckin nasty. I loved it," and smiled. I laughed. He asked, "What did he make you do." I told him. "We did the same thing." "My guess is that they talked about it before hand." Brad asked, "Did you beat off?" "No. Did you?" "No, he wouldn't let me, but I think I have to. I really don't think I'm going to make it until tonight." "So, go jerk off." He got up and went into the bathroom. When he came back, he said, "I could have done it here. I don't care if you watch." I smiled and said, "That would be fine, but Nick and I don't ever do stuff like that if the other isn't there. So, Nick would have had to been here, too." "That's fine with me." "And Steve." "He's seen me jerk off before." "So, you'd sit here on the bed and jerk off with three guys watching you. All three of us dressed and watching you." He thought about it. "No, that would be weird. I don't think I could cum with the three of you watching like that. I mean, if you were doing it too, then I could." I laughed. He picked up his books and opened them. He said, "Are you still hard?" "Not so much," I said, pulling my sweats open. We both looked at my semi-hard dick lying on my stomach. "You really should let Steve see you when your hard like before." "Why?" "He told me that he'd love to see your dick hard. He's never seen one as big as yours except in pictures and videos." I said, "He got a pretty good look when I got out of bed yesterday." Brad smiled, "Yeah, but you weren't hard hard and you ran out of the room, so he only got a quick look. You should let him see it," he said and laughed. I looked at him. "I don't know, but maybe, next year when he's not in Nick's philosophy class." "Cool, it's such a pretty dick," Brad said and laughed. I grabbed Brad around the neck and started wrestling with him. I tried to take it easy on him. He feels like a young boy in my arms. Nick feels like a man. I twisted Brad's arms around his chest and then started nipping at his chest. He laughed. I pulled his hands over his head and then did to him something that Nick does to me, or tries to do to me. I crotched his face. I grabbed his head and pushed it into my crotch and then twisted him around and locked his head between my legs. Then I started pulling at his hair. He was laughing. I was laughing. Steve walked into the bedroom and watched Brad trying to free his head from between my legs. I said, "Yeah, smell those big balls," and laughed. He laughed and said, "If you don't let me go, I'm going to bit your balls." I let him go. He looked at me and smiled and said, "Fuck." "What?" I said. "I'm hard again." "You just came," I said. "Yeah, so?" he said. Steve said, "You jerked off?" Brad said, "Yeah, in the bathroom." "Why did you tell me and let me watch." We smiled at each other. He said, "You wouldn't let me jerk off before, so you don't get to watch." Steve smiled, nodded and walked back to the living room. CHRISTMAS VACATION Nick and I headed for my parent's house. We had Christmas Eve dinner there. My cousin Kenny and his wife and son were in town and stopped by. We had a great time. The next day we went to my aunt and uncle's (Billy and Paul's parents) for Christmas dinner. I was told that Paul was having dinner at his in-laws and wouldn't be there and that Billy flew into town. Bill and his wife separated right after Christmas last year. It was a trial thing, but he told me that they were filling for divorce. Last I heard, he hadn't told his parents yet. I guess he was going to do that after Christmas. I was nervous about seeing him. I really care about Bill and I do love him. Last time I talked to him, he was pretty depressed and feeling alone. I felt an ache deep in my gut. I talked to Nick about it. But I worried that he would become defensive or threatened. He didn't. Nick ever suggested that we make sure the Billy come skiing with all the cousins after Christmas. It had been years since Billy skied with the family. I don't want to get into the story, but at the time that Billy and I started messing around when I was young, Anthony found out. He called Billy down and made him promise to knock it off. I didn't know anything about it at the time. Anthony and Kenny had always been like big brothers to me, but Anthony became very protective after that. Each year we went skiing, Anthony hovered over me. Billy stopped coming along. Anthony and Billy are okay with each other, but not close. I not sure what Kenny knows about what happened. Several times, while Nick and I camped with Kenny, he would ask me about Billy. He knew that Billy and I hung out a lot and that Billy and I went skiing after Billy married. Each time he brought Billy up to me, I tried to change the subject as quickly as possible. I hate lying and especially to Kenny. I think if Kenny knew the whole story, he'd be all over Billy and it wouldn't be pretty. Christmas dinner was a large group with pretty much the same cast of characters. When we arrived, Kenny and Anthony and Billy were sitting together in the backyard. I said hello to everyone. Nick followed close behind me. Billy and I made eye contact almost immediately and I watch him watch me making the rounds, kissing and hand shaking with everyone. When, finally, all the formalities were over, Nick and I joined them. It is hard to explain the feeling I get when I'm with my cousins. Watching Anthony smile when I walk up to him. He always hugs me so tightly and kisses me on the cheek. He said, "Fuck, I've been here almost an hour. It's about time you got your ass here," and smiled. Kenny, who I saw the night before, hugged me and kissed me. I kissed him. Billy and Nick were hugging. As Anthony grabbed Nick and gave him a bear hug, I stepped into Bill's arms. He held me tightly. I held him. His body felt familiar but different. He felt as if he needed my energy rather than giving me his. We smiled. He kissed me on the cheek. I kissed him. We sat down with them. There was a lot of small talk. What have you been doing? You look good. How's life? Nothing significant was said, but just catching up. We talked about the ski trip. Billy was coming along. I kept glancing at Billy. He looked distracted. (Before I go on with this, I want to say that I am dead set against prepubescent children having sex. I do think my adolescence would have been much easier for me if I had not had sex with Billy when I did. I remember that it confused me a lot and thoughts about it occupied a great deal of my time. I spent a great deal of time in my bedroom thinking about it and wondering what it was all about. I think where I am lucky is that I, unlike Paul, never looked for it with anyone else. My next sexual contact with a guy was with someone my age and in high school. Paul was molested, seduced me, tried to blackmail Bill into sex and succeeded and went on to other men from what I understand. Perhaps, that explains why he's so fucked up. Also, it might explain why he has become so rigid, judgmental and religious. In my conversation with Billy, I was more concerned with his guilt than expressing my thoughts on the subject. Also, I am not talking about boys of the same age or close age playing sex games with each other. My guess is that many boys do play. But, Paul's sex games with me were influenced by what he had learned from a much older guy. I do think Paul was molested in the sense of being taken advantage of by someone who should have known better. Paul's play with me was also inappropriate. Billy's sex with me was inappropriate, but I do have a tough time laying that at his feet. Perhaps, I care too much for him to do that.) We had dinner. I couldn't believe all there was to eat. Nick was in pig heaven. He was sitting with Kenny, having a good time, when Billy came to me and asked if he could talk. I said yes and told Nick that Billy and I wanted to walk off dinner. I had told Nick that at some point I was going to talk to Billy. I worried that he'd feel weird about it. He and Bill have been talking on the phone. I think they were becoming comfortable with each other. When I told Nick that we were going for a walk, he nodded and went back to his football conversation with Kenny. Billy and I walked. I asked him about his divorce and his plan to tell his parents. He told me that he would tell them before he left for the ski trip. He thought they would be okay with it, since the separation was almost a year long. As it turned out, they figured it was coming and thought it was for the best. I asked him how he was doing. He didn't answer. Instead, he became quiet. He said, "I need to talk to you about something." He sounded stressed. I felt nervous. I was hoping this wasn't a suggestion that he and I get back together. He had to understand that that was impossible. We walked to my car and leaned against it. He took a breath and looked around. I could feel my heartbeat in my neck. "Anthony called me and asked me if I read the book you gave Kenny to read." I looked at Billy and asked, "What book did I give Kenny?" "That book about those boys being molested: `Lies That Bind'. I told him that you hadn't. He told me to get it and read it." I started to relax a bit. I said, "Yeah, I did give it to him to read." Billy looked sad. He glanced at me. I remembered that he had been molested and raped by Tommy's older brother Dave when Billy was about fourteen. Bill looked even more stressed. "I read it." He looked as if he might cry. I said, "Oh fuck, that had to have been painful." I remembered a scene in the book where a man molests and attempts to rape the main character. Billy glanced at me. His eyes were full of tears. I thought I'd cry. I feel so connected to Billy and such a deep love for him. I felt as if I was going to throw up. He said, "Can you ever forgive me?" I stood there dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?" "Fuck, Jeff, you were ten. I think about that and it makes me sick. I don't know what I was thinking." Tears fell from his eyes. He covered his face with one of his hands. "I'm sorry. If I've caused you pain, I don't know what I'll do." "Billy, you didn't molest me. I mean, yeah, ten years old is too young to be giving head, but you were fourteen. Your brother, that fuckin' asshole, started the whole thing. If I remember correctly, I came to your house intending to do stuff with Paul and you told me not to get near him. What I remember is that I was going to try it with someone that Christmas. If it wasn't you, then it would have been Paul." Billy sighed, "I could have and should have talked you out of it. I got you to wait when you were thirteen. You listened to me then. I should have talked you out of it. Instead, I had you give me head." I jumped in, "Okay, let's slow down here. It seems to me that you were fourteen, four-fuckin'-teen. You were having sex then weren't you; with Tommy? And besides that, you didn't fuck me over. You didn't shame me or blackmail me or make me feel bad. You didn't force me. You didn't rape me. Kids do shit like that. We were both kids. You weren't an adult." "Yeah, but you were ten and you know it's wrong. I should have known it was wrong," Bill argued. "Yeah, if I saw a ten year old sucking some guy off I'd be pissed and I'd tell someone. Yeah, if I had a kid it's the last thing I'd want him to be doing when he was ten. I get it, I do. Yeah, it shouldn't have happened. But you can't blame yourself for that. You were fourteen. If you were eighteen or twenty or something and knew it was wrong, then yeah, but you didn't know it was wrong did you?" He shook his head. "I mean I knew we didn't want my parents to find out. I knew you don't go around telling everyone, but I guess then it was like jerking off. Everyone does it but no one says so. I remember thinking it was fun. I remember thinking you were a cool kid. He took a breath, "You know, Anthony knows." "Yeah. He told me that he was the one who told you to knock it off." "He about beat the shit out of me," Billy said. "How did he find out?" "Fuck. We were talking trash. Mostly about girls giving head. He joked around and said that he thought I'd be a good cocksucker. I guess I got scared. I was sucking Tommy's dick then. The teasing went on and I said that you were. It just kind of jumped out of my mouth. He didn't say anything then, but a few days later he got me alone and was angry and wanted to know what happened. I told him I was joking, but he could tell I wasn't. He threw me against a wall and held me around my throat. I told him that Paul was going to make you do it so I got you out of it, but then you wanted to and I let you." "Damn. What happened?" "He banged my head against the wall. I yelled and then he spit in my mouth. I started gagging. He made me swallow it. He said that he should make me blow him. He grabbed my crotch hard and twisted and he said that if I ever got my dick near you again he'd kill me." "Fuck." I said. "Seems like you got the worst of it." Billy took a breath. "You know, it wasn't until the moment that I said what I said that day that I knew it was wrong. Immediately after I said you were a good cocksucker, I knew what we did was terrible. Then, after what happened with Anthony, I knew I had made you a promise. I was so fucked up thinking about how to tell you to wait." I asked, "He was angry because of my age, not because we were guys and cousins?" "Because of your age." I said, "Okay, listen to me. Ten is way too young to have sex. But like I said, you were fourteen. I came to your house to do it with Paul. If Paul hadn't told you, I would have done it with him. Maybe you would have talked me out of it, but I doubt it. I probably would have told you okay I wouldn't do it and then would have done it with Paul, anyway. I remember that I wanted to do it. If anyone should be apologizing, it is him. But, fuck, he was younger than you." We looked at each other. I asked, "How did this all get started anyway?" He sighed. "A neighbor of ours. He was about eighteen or nineteen or so. He started having sex with Paul sometime. Paul was about eight or nine I think. I didn't know about it until the guy moved away. Paul told me about it then when Paul was about twelve or thirteen. Tommy and I had just started doing stuff. Paul wanted to do it to me since he wasn't doing it to the neighbor guy. I really didn't want to and that's when he started with you." "And this all got to you because of the book?" "You gave it to Kenny and he told Anthony about it. I think they think you wanted them to read it because of what I did to you," Billy sighed. I nodded, I said, "Billy, I read the book because the guy who wrote it read stuff I've written. He emailed me. We've been emailing back and forth for two or three years. When the book was published, I got a copy. I loved it because the family was Italian, the two main characters are gay and it's just a good story. Plus, the guy that wrote it is cool. I didn't give it to Kenny to open him up to some pain I was suffering." I looked at Billy. "Billy, I love you. I care about you. I'm not emotionally fucked up or crazy. At least, I don't think I am. When I was ten I knew I was attracted to guys. I think I knew as far back as I can remember. I remember the summer before I did stuff with you, I noticed Kenny had pubic hair and his dick was changing. He used to swim in our pool and change with me in my room. I remember being so interested in his dick and not knowing why, but seeing it excited me." Billy nodded his head. "Jeff, thinking that I caused you pain and suffering was fucking me up so much." He looked at me and said, "You know, I'd still take a bullet for you." Tears filled my eyes. "Please don't worry anymore. I'm happy. I'm good. I think I had tough days in high school because I knew I loved sucking dick and when you're on a baseball team in high school, it's best not to know that. You know what I mean." Billy nodded and sighed. "I think if I had not figured that out until college, high school would have been easier. But I found a high school friend to have sex with and I bet even if you and I had never done anything, and Paul and I had, I would have messed with John in high school. So, don't burden yourself with what we did." Billy nodded. "Can I ask you something," I asked Billy. He nodded. "Other than mind fucking yourself about molesting me," I said, smiled at him and nudged him, "How are you doing?" He sighed. "I've been feeling kind of fucked up. I think after I read the book I started thinking that you were hating me, or that I hurt you bad and that was fucking me up." He sighed. "Lonely, alone." "You know you've pretty much dropped out of all the family stuff." He nodded. "I think Kenny knows about us and I know Anthony knows. I don't think they've said anything to anyone else." "Look, it's all in the past. I talked to Anthony and he mentioned that he knew. I didn't tell him, but I think he figured out that we were messing around since we were taking off and going skiing and camping. I told him it was over and he said he thought that was good. I don't think he hates you. If Kenny hated you, he'd be in your face." Billy nodded. "I thought Kenny was going to hurt Paul when he snubbed Nick. If Kenny hated you, you'd know." He nodded again. "Don't use what we did to isolate yourself." We didn't say anything for a while. I said, "I'm glad you're coming skiing with us. I miss you." He nodded and smiled. "It was Nick's idea to insist you come." "Really." He said and smiled. "I like talking to him. He loves you." I nodded. "He must feel weird about us being together." "Yeah, I guess he does. But he knows how much I care about you and he knows that nothing is going to happen between you and me." Billy looked at me and nodded. "He wants to be your friend. He and Kenny are becoming really good friends. Anthony and Nick are good with each other, but Nick talks to Kenny a lot and they get along great. I think he'd like to be your friend, too." "I want to be his, too. It might be strange for a while, but it will be okay," he said, nodding. "I need to be part of this again. I miss it, a lot." Billy and I hugged. I kissed him on the cheek. He kissed me. We started to walk back to the house when Anthony came outside. I saw him watch us leave. I imagine he had been watching us through the window. He walked toward us. He said, "Are you two good with each other?" I said, "Yeah, we're great. Really, we are." He looked at Billy. Billy looked at him. Anthony said, "You know I think what you did was shit." I said, "Anthony, it's cool. And there was a lot more to it than you know. It wasn't just Billy doing shit. And, I'm good, trust me, please." Anthony nodded. "Look cuz," he said to Billy. "You and I were tight. Things got fucked up between us. To tell you the truth, I was okay with the way things were. I never like your wife anyway." I was going to interrupt, but Anthony stopped me. "Jeff told me it's all in the past." It sounded like Anthony was sad. "Billy, were cousins, we were like brothers growing up. Let's put the shit aside. Squirt (meaning me) is good with you; I want to be good with you. You fucked up when you were a kid. God knows, I fucked up a lot, too." Billy looked at Anthony and smiled and nodded. "I can still taste your spit." Anthony smiled. They hugged and kissed. Anthony is the big brother of the family. I don't think I knew how close Anthony and Billy were, but it must have been like Kenny and me. Anthony said, "I know you're hurting," while he held Billy. It looked like Billy went limp in Anthony's arms. He started crying. Tears filled my eyes. Anthony grabbed me and pulled me into their hug. Billy buried his head between us. I leaned my head against his and cried with him. I think there is such a deep connection between us that when he hurts I do too. Later that night, when we were back at my parent's house and we were alone, I told Nick about my talk with Billy and that he and Anthony put whatever shit they had aside. I said, "It's weird but it's okay to hold onto your anger when someone is doing okay, but when someone is hurting, it all get put aside." He looked at me and said, "Wait a minute, is that a comment about what happened between me and Matt?" I looked at him. "Actually, that was the furthest thing from my mind. Sorry for the generalization. I think in my family, at funerals, everyone who is angry at each other makes up. When someone is hurting, old hurts are forgotten. I guess it's that way with divorces, too." He looked at me again and said, "So, when Paul gets all fucked up, are you going to make your peace with him?" "Fuck you!" I said. He chuckled. I pounced on him, grabbed his crotch and told him I was going to spit in his mouth if he fucked with me. But, Nick is Nick. He said, "Squeeze my nuts harder." Then he opened his mouth wide and chuckled again. I squeezed his nuts harder. He laughed. We kissed and had great sex.