You'd think you would get used to someone saying that to you. After the attacks on the World Trade Centre that's all I ever heard. My friends got abused and so did I. It sucked and it hurt but we made do with the comments until people found someone else to bully. Walking out the police station was a feat in itself. Hearing words like those never stopped hurting, especially when it came from someone who was suppose to be your family. I almost started laughing at that, Ian was furthest away from being my brother. It didn't mean, his comments didn't hurt.

Despite our differences I've always tried with him, and even accepted that his father was married to my mother. Heck I even called Paul `dad' from time to time so it seemed like we were a normal family. But I knew we weren't. I also knew Ian was racist, I just hoped the last few years had calmed him somewhat. I guess I was wrong.

My eyes felt strangely wet, and I realised I was close to crying. I started blinking rapidly, I was not going to cry over Ian and his stupid bigotry remarks. People will always think what they want, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

----

I lugged my school bag further up my shoulders, the amount of books this school gave us was fucking amazing. I always wondered why they didn't give us school lockers, the ones in American high schools? It was lunch time and I looked around the cafeteria for Ian. A couple of guys and girls at the far corner of the room shouted my name, but I ignored them and kept scanning the large cafeteria.

"Ash, you coming?" Said the voice behind me. I turned around and looked into the flawless skin of Amanda Hughes. Her brown hair, spilled down her shoulders and her blue eyes shone beautifully. She was the only girl who wouldn't sleep with me.

`I like you Ash, you're a nice guy but I ain't going to sleep with you.' She had said that to me countless times over the years and for some reason that made me obsess over her even more. Maybe it was because she was a challenge, or maybe because she really was a great person. It had nothing to do with her being James's little sister.

"I'm looking for Ian, he said he was coming in," I said.

She laughed lightly, "Yeah sure he did. Forget him and come have lunch with me." she moved towards one of the back tables. I looked around the room once more and made my way over to Amanda.

-----

I made my way home after the debacle at the police station and actually felt a little better. I knew if I cried I'd be fine, but I wasn't about to weep like a pansy over this. Words were words they meant nothing, just vowels and cons tenants put together. Since my classes and lectures were done for the day, I decided to get some studying done for my upcoming exam. Letting myself in and I marvelled in the silence of the house that was until I heard a retching sound coming from the upstairs bathroom.

Feeling my heart pound hard I quickly dropped my bag beside the hallway table and ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. Making my way through that top hallway I stopped in front of the bathroom door and turned the handle. The door was unlocked and fully opening the door, I saw the back of Ian's head pretty much lodged into the toilet. Almost forgetting his hurtful words, I stepped into the bright bathroom and stood a little bit behind Ian.

"Hey Ian, what's the matter?"

Ian continued to retch into the toilet and the odour was starting to make me queasy. I reached for the window and pulled it open, letting the harsh cold air into the bathroom. Turning around, I saw Ian shiver a little as he continued to vomit.

"Did you drink too much?"

He didn't answer. I waited until he finished, the smell was tangy and I felt ill. He finally stopped and breathed for a few minutes. Finally he flushed the toilet and stood up almost swaying. I wanted to help but decided to wait until he said something. He stepped up towards the sink and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and started brushing his teeth. I decided to stand in the hallway and give Ian sometime to finish up. After a few minutes he finally came out, his hair all dishevelled and his eyes blood shot and red.

"Ian what's the matter?" I knew this wasn't because he had too many drinks. I've seen him on his benders and Ian could drink anyone under the table and look great while doing it. He nudged passed me and walked to his room. He swayed back and forth and I quickly stepped up behind him making sure he wasn't about to fall head first down the stairs, not that I would have minded a little while ago.

Ian fell face first onto his bed and let out a whimper. I stood beside him and waited until he did or said something. After a few seconds it seemed like he wasn't about to do anything, so I leaned down and pushed at his shoulders making him roll onto his back.

`Look man if you're ill you need to tell me," I said sitting down next to him. I pressed the back of my hand against his forehead and felt the skin burn against mine.

`I feel...shit," he moaned finally. Before I could move my hand away he latched on, and threaded his fingers through my own. I looked up at him, but his eyes were still closed. Feeling slightly weird I tried to move my hand away, but Ian gripped harder and I stopped.

`Um. Look I'll get you some painkillers yeah?" Ian shook his head, `Lay with me," he groaned, `Please.'

I bit my lip. I had no idea what the hell Ian was playing at, but I decided just to do what he said and wait it out.

`Okay," I said, letting my fingers slid from his, I took off my jacket and dropped it on his floor. Leaning down I untied my trainers and slipped my feet out of them. I crawled over Ian and lay down next to him on my back, my whole body felt tense. Ian rolled onto his side and leaned into me, his arm draping across my waist loosely. His breathing dropped and evened out after a few minutes and his deep breathing filled the room.

I stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to claim me. Sadly it wasn't as fast as Ian's.

----

`Boy's?' yelled Ania, she placed her bag on the foyer's table and took of her jacket hanging it on the cloak rack.

`Are you home?" she yelled again, she sighed loudly and made her way upstairs. She had called the house three times, to tell her sons that she would be late. Usually she came home at five thirty but her job kept her till nine. She knew Paul worked till midnight on a Tuesday. Since it was already nine o'clock, she was slightly alarmed that Zen wasn't home. She knew Paul wouldn't be home anyway.

`Zen?" Ania pushed opened his bedroom door, and saw the made bed and her son no where in the room. She walked down the hall and peeked into Ian's room, and was surprised to see two lumps in the bed. Anger rising up in her, thinking that Ian had brought some girl home, Ania pushed opened the door and stamped into the room her anger at the ready. As soon as she approached the bed, her mouth snapped closed, as she looked at the two faces who were huddled together in the bed. Confusion marred her beautiful face for a few seconds, and she let the anger drain from her body. Not sure what to make of the situation, she decided to wake up Zen.

-----

I felt a hand push against my shoulder and a smooth voice hum in my ear, despite it feeling familiar I didn't want to leave the depth of my slumber and the warmth next to me. But the shaking got harder and I finally felt my dream world slip away.

`Huh?" I said blinking sleepily.

"It's me, mum."

Looking around the room, I realised where I was and I shot off the bed almost knocking my mum over. Quickly looking back at Ian, he mumbled something and snuggled in further not awaking.

`Shit mum, what are you doing home?" I asked letting my voice quiver.

"It's nine at night honey, I called but no-one picked up. What are you doing here?' She asked.

"I...uh. Ian was sick."

My mum frowned and she looked over at Ian, "Drunk?"

I shook my head, "No I think he has a stomach bug or something."

My mum sighed, "Okay. I'll make him some soup. But what were you doing in his bed?" She asked again. My mum was a smart person and she wasn't going to let this go.

`I guess he felt bad, and asked me to lay down with him," I mumbled.

"Felt bad? About what?" She prodded.

"I don't know mum, just leave it," I sighed. She made a some what disgruntled face, "Well let him sleep." I looked back at Ian and at my mum, and followed her out the room.

We both headed downstairs to get something to eat, my mum kept giving me odd looks and I felt like sinking into the ground. I knew she already had suspicions about me, but what did she think Ian and me were together or something? That made me sick. My mum always made a racket when she cooked, so at least we weren't sitting in a uncomfortable silence. The house phone rang and I grabbed the cordless from the counter-top.

"Hello?"

"Well hello fucker. Where have you been?"

"James, shit. I'm sorry."

"You should be, I was standing outside your house like a fucking nob."

"Yeah I know, I fell asleep when I got home. I totally forgot you were coming over."

James laughed on the other end, "No matter. I'll see you tomorrow yeah, and this time don't sleep in on me."

"Yeah. Sure, sorry man," I felt bad.

"Naye worries. Night man." I said good-bye and put the phone down. My mum gave me a quizzical look and I gave her my best what? face.

"Go get Ian up, the soup isn't going to be made by tonight. He needs to eat something though." I nodded my head and got up off the chair and made my way upstairs again. I walked into Ian's room and sat down on his bed, lightly pushing at his shoulder I tried to wake him up.

"Hmm.." he groaned.

"Ian, mum made some food you need to get up," I said lightly. He opened his eyes and blinked owlishly at me for a few seconds. Finally he pushed himself up and literally leaned against me.

"I feel bad," he said. I gripped his shoulders and nodded my head, "Might have a stomach bug, come downstairs and we'll get something for that."

Instead of getting up, Ian pulled back and grabbed my face, "I'm sorry yeah," he said his voice breathless and his eyes wide. I quickly nodded my head.

`Yeah, don't...worry...worry, about it," I stammered.

Holding my gaze for a few more seconds he let go and gingerly started to get out of the bed. The shock wore off and I stood up helping him off the bed.

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