Date: Sun, 01 Nov 1998 18:47:45 EST
From: Kevin O'Brien <kevobrien@hotmail.com>
Subject: Nick

Nick

	"Unnngggh," I groaned as my alarm beeped me into consciousness Monday 
morning. I considered slamming my fist down on the snooze button, as 
usual, but then I remembered that I had a psych exam in an hour, and I 
blew off studying last night. "Damn," I mumbled, turning my alarm off 
and crawling out of bed. I stood up and stretched my arms over my head, 
yawned, and scratched my chest.  I gazed out the window and groaned 
inwardly as I saw heavy sheets of rain pelting campus walk. This is 
going to be a bad day, I thought. 
	Glancing at my roommate Matt's bed, I saw that it had already been made 
and that he had already left. What a dork, I said to myself, shaking my 
head. Matt always wakes up at the crack of dawn, whether it's a weekday 
or the weekend, and headed to the library to study. Good thing he's 
quiet in the morning, or I might be forced to find him a new roommate.
	I took a quick shower and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, then I sat 
down at my desk to frantically cram for psych exam which was now 50 
minutes away. I found my psych book in my backpack, but I couldn't find 
my notebook. Where the hell did I put it? Then I remembered; I'd lent it 
to Nick, one of my suite mates, last night. He and I are in the same 
psych class, and he goes to even fewer lectures than I do, so I let him 
borrow my notes last night.
	I got up and went into the bathroom, which separated my room from 
Nick's. I put my ear against Nick's door to listen for any noise so I'd 
know if he was awake, but I couldn't hear anything. Deciding I really 
needed that notebook if I wanted to get a decent grade on the exam, I 
quietly and slowly opened the door and poked my head into the room. 
Looking first straight ahead, Steve, Nick's roommate, wasn't in his bed 
or at his desk, so I figured he had gone to an early class or something. 
Nick's and Steve's dressers were to my left, so I couldn't see the far 
side of the room, where Nick's bed and desk were. 
	I peeked around the dressers and was shocked at what I saw: Nick was 
lying on top of his bed sheets, wearing nothing but a pair of plaid 
flannel boxers, which were down around his ankles. Nick's right fist was 
wrapped around his dick, pumping.  His left hand was pinching his 
nipples, and his head was thrown back. His eyes were closed in ecstasy, 
and his mouth opened and closed slowly as little grunts and moans came 
from deep in his throat. Nick's entire body was writhing and convulsing 
as he pleasured himself; he was completely unaware of my presence. 
	I felt a stirring in my own boxers as I looked at Nick; my hand 
involuntarily moved to my crotch to rub my own cock through my jeans. I 
was totally riveted; I couldn't move from that spot, even if I wanted 
to. Watching this stud, this adonis, this gorgeous specimen of a male as 
he pounded his meat was almost more than I could handle. 
	Suddenly, Nick gasped several times, his muscles tensed, his jaw 
clenched, and several volleys of his juice shot out of his dick and 
landed all over his chest and stomach. He continued gasping as his 
orgasm stretched on, and I watched him, my mouth watering. Finally, with 
a final grunt, his head collapsed back on his pillow, the aftershocks of 
his orgasm flowing through him. His chest heaved as his lungs clawed for 
air, and his hand continued slowly stroking his member, squeezing the 
last few drops of liquid onto his stomach. I knew that I was in danger 
of being spotted now, but I still couldn't seem to move. 
	Nick's eyes stayed shut as his orgasm slowly ebbed. He grabbed a bunch 
of tissues from the edge of his bed and wiped up his fluid as I stood 
there, staring at him, for what I think was a full minute. I still 
couldn't move.
	Abruptly Nick raised his head and I ducked my head back around the 
dresser. Had he seen me? I decided not to stick around and find out; I 
retreated to the bathroom and back into my own dorm as quickly as I 
could without making any noise. I closed the door behind me and sank 
back against it. My heart raced, my blood pounded in my cheeks and ears, 
my cock throbbed. I couldn't believe what I'd just seen! And I had even 
more trouble digesting my reaction to it; I mean, I know I have more of 
a desire for men than most other guys -- the Nifty Archive has been a great 
source of "entertainment" for me several times -- but never have I had such 
a strong feeling for another guy, a real guy. 
	I shook my head and splashed my face with cold water to try to regain 
my wits. What did this mean for me? I'd been with my girlfriend, Kelly, 
for a year, and I loved her. Our sex life was great, too. So now that I 
had this attraction to Nick...? 
	As I was drying my face, there was a knock at the bathroom door. 
	"Yeah," I called out, panicking. I knew it would be Nick. He must have 
seen me. He must know I was watching him. Think fast, O'Brien.
	Just as I'd feared, Nick walked in. This time, though, he was fully 
clothed. "Hey, Kev, what's up?" he asked. I couldn't read his face or 
his voice, though; I wasn't sure if he was angry or suspicious...or even 
just oblivious.
	"Hey, not much. You?" I replied, trying to sound equally neutral.
	"Nothing, just woke up," he said. He paused for a minute and stepped 
further into the room, looking over at the far side of the room to see 
if Matt was around. "Uh, hey, were you just in my room looking for 
this?" He handed me my psych notebook.
	I froze. What should I say? He obviously knew I was in his room, but he 
didn't seem angry or upset at all. So I decided to keep up my 
neutrality; I just wouldn't answer his question. "Oh, cool, thanks. You 
ready for the test?" I asked, changing the subject.
	He snorted. "Yeah, right. I'm gonna bomb it. I studied your notes for, 
like, 15 minutes last night before I decided I was tired and went to 
bed," he said, laughing. "All I have to say is Dr O'Brien better give us 
a curve or there'll be hell to pay."
	I laughed as naturally as I could; looking back, I think I did a pretty 
good job of acting cool. I'm not exactly sure what we said next, but I 
know we made small talk for another minute or so, then agreed to finish 
getting ready and head over to the food court for some breakfast before 
class.
	As soon as Nick left my room, I fell back on my bed and let out a long 
breath. So he did see me, I thought despondently. Now what? What would I 
say? Should I mention it? Apologize or something? Or should I act like 
it didn't happen at all?
	The sound Nick turning on the water in the shower snapped me out of my 
reverie. I decided I'd drop it and let Nick mention it if he wanted to. 
I stood up and finished getting ready for class, then plopped back down 
on my bed to read over my notes, even though I knew I wouldn't be able 
to concentrate on studying or on taking the test. All I could think 
about was Nick's naked form as he jacked off....
	"Yo, O'Brien, you ready to go?" Nick asked, popping his head into my 
room again. 
	"Yeah, let's go," I said, dropping my notebook into my backpack and 
followed Nick out into the hall. We half walked, half ran to the food 
court because of the rain. It wasn't far, but we were definitely wet by 
the time we got there. I just grabbed a muffin and a cup of coffee, 
since the morning's excitement had done a number on my appetite, and sat 
down at a table in the corner of the room with Nick.
	Neither of us said anything for a few minutes; we just looked out at 
the people in the room, each of us waving occasionally at friends.
	"So, uh, how long were you watching me this morning, Kev?" Nick asked.
	I nearly knocked my coffee over as his words sunk in. Now the shit hits 
the fan, I said to myself. I briefly considered feigning confusion to 
stall for time to think of a good answer, but I decided that would just 
delay the inevitable, and he might be less pissed if I just told the 
truth and acted nonchalant.
	"Listen, man, I didn't mean to walk in like that -- I thought you were 
still asleep. I walked in quietly so I wouldn't wake you up, then I saw 
what was going on..." I began, then trailed off. I didn't feel like I 
needed to say anything else.
	Nick frowned and shrugged dismissingly. "Dude, I don't care," he said, 
taking a few sips of his orange juice. "I wasn't even going to bring it 
up except that you seem all uncomfortable about it."
	"No, not at all, I just--"
	"Look, like I said, it's nothing. Don't give it a second thought," he 
said, his eyes, luminous and green, drilling into mine.
	"Yeah, ok, cool," I said, thinking how great it would be if suddenly 
the earth split in two and swallowed me up. I'd been in many 
uncomfortable situations before, but this topped them all.
	"You've obviously never seen another guy jack off before, huh?" Nick 
pressed, keeping this topic all too alive for me.
	Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I asked myself. Instead of 
showing my annoyance, I just said, "No, why, do you make a habit of 
watching?" Then I laughed to let him know I was joking and didn't care 
about this anymore.
	Nick just shrugged. "No, not a habit really, but shit's happened 
before, yeah."
	Can he get any more cryptic? I had to admit, though, he had my 
undivided attention. "Uh, what do you mean by that? What are you talking 
about?"
	There wasn't even a second's delay between my question and his 
response. "Yeah, I think you can figure out what I mean if you put your 
mind to it," he said, looking up at me with those irresistible eyes as 
he took a bite of his cereal.
	I shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can get a general idea." I knew 
he meant something in the homosexual department, but I certainly 
wouldn't have guessed that before that day. Even now, after all this 
happened, he asks his roommate to spend the occasional Friday night in 
my room so he can further his conquests with the female half of the 
race.
	The next few minutes were spent in silence. I kind of picked at my 
muffin until Nick had finished his cereal. "Want to go now? It's about 
ten `till," he said.
	"Yeah, sure," I responded.
	I don't remember much about the rest of that day. I knew as soon as I 
saw that test that I'd fail it, which I did. I just couldn't concentrate 
on it. Ironically, it had a few questions about homosexuality and its 
different levels of acceptance in different cultures. That's really all 
I remember about it. 
	I know I intentionally flew through the test so I'd finish way ahead of 
Nick. I didn't want to walk back to the dorm with him; despite the fact 
that I was intensely curious about his past experiences with guys and 
that I could hardly keep myself from jumping his bones, I'd had my fill 
of him for the moment.
	The next few days just went by like all the others. I thought about 
Nick now and then, but my mind returned to school and friends. I didn't 
actually see Nick for a week, because he skipped psych Wednesday and I 
skipped it Friday of that week. The next Monday I got up early and went 
to breakfast before Nick could trap me into going with him. I also got 
to class much earlier than he did. I gave him a nod to say "hey" as he 
came in and took the seat directly behind me, but I didn't say anything. 
Dr O'Brien lectured for 50 long, arduous minutes, and I dozed off at 
least twice. Finally he ended the class and I packed my stuff up with 
lightning speed. I was out of the class and into the hallway before 
anyone else, walking quickly to avoid Nick. Unfortunately, I heard him 
call after me, so I stopped to let him catch up.
	"Hey, you peaced out in a hurry. What's up?" he said when he caught up. 
He flashed me a smile that made my knees weak; I'd never felt this 
strongly for a guy before. It was more than a little unnerving.
	"Not much, been busy with school and all," I said.
	"Oh," he said. If he picked up on my "go away" vibes, he didn't 
acknowledge them. "Hey, um, you're not mad at me or anything, are you?"
	"Mad?  Nah, why?" I felt like I was lying at the time, but now that I 
look back on it, I really wasn't mad, I just didn't know how I should 
act towards the guy. I felt like I should drop it and move on, just act 
normally with him, but I couldn't yet. I'm sure I'll be getting all 
kinds of emails from readers saying "What's your big hangup on 
homosexuality about?"...don't ask, I don't know.
	"Well, you just seem kinda...cold, that's all." I just shrugged my 
shoulders. "Well, I know our conversation last week left you a 
little...uh...confused, maybe?" he said, trying to look me in the eye.
	"Not really," I lied. "If I'm thinking of the same conversation as you, 
it didn't leave me confused. That kind of thing -- your sex life, I mean -- is 
your business, not mine. I really haven't thought about it that much." I 
knew he didn't believe me, but at that point, I didn't care. I was 
frustrated because Nick seemed to be able to read my emotions like a 
book.
	"Well, OK, whatever."
	We walked on without saying anything for a few minutes. We were almost 
back at the dorm when he said, "Oh, hey, I almost forgot. You're in 
French, right?"
	"Yeah," I answered.
	"Do you get it? I'm in 102, and I'm lost. Foreign languages aren't my 
thing. Can you help me out?"
	You know damn well that I don't want anything to do with you right now. 
"Yeah, sure, when were you thinking?" I said.
	He scratched the back of his neck and looked down at the ground 
sheepishly, which only made him cute. Stop that, I mentally commanded 
him. "See, I sorta have this test tomorrow afternoon...."
	I laughed and shook my head. It's impossible to stay mad at Nick; he's 
too damn adorable.
	"All right, it looks like we're in for a long night, then," I said.
	He grinned broadly. "Thanks man, I owe you one," he said, clapping me 
on the back.
	"No problem. I promised Kelly I'd go to dinner with her tonight, so 
let's do it around, uh, 7:30?" I suggested.
	Nick grinned again. "Yeah, that works. So, you and Kelly are still 
going out, huh?"
	"Yeah, she's great. She might be `the one' for me," I said, smiling 
dreamily. 
	"Good for you, man!" Nick exclaimed. "I never look for anything more 
than a quick fuck with a girl -- you're obviously thinking ahead."
	"Yeah, well..." I muttered, not knowing how to respond. Nick has this 
remarkable ability to render me speechless whenever he wants.
	By that time we were back at our rooms, so we parted. I shut the door 
and was glad to see that Matt was out. A note on the board on our door 
said that he was going to be at a friend's room for the night, studying. 
I checked my email and surfed the web until it was time to meet Kelly 
for dinner. Afterward I came back and did some much-needed cleaning 
until 7:30, when Nick came through the bathroom.
	"Oh, hey, ready for some French?" I asked, smirking.
	"Oui, oui," he said, rolling his eyes. "I freakin' hate this class, 
man. I don't know how I'm going to survive it through 202."
	"It's not that bad. You just don't pay enough attention in class and 
you don't keep up," I said, knowing full well that he never went to his 
classes.
	He sat down next to me on my bed and opened up his notebook. "Yeah, 
you're probably right. But for now, I need a miracle. This test 
tomorrow's gonna cover 3 chapters. I'm fucked."
	I laughed. "Yeah, probably...but let's see if you can learn enough to 
pass this beast."
	We started going over the basics, and I was glad to see that he wasn't 
as dumb as I thought. He must have learned something last semester. 
After a few hours, though, he and I were both ready for a break.
	"Whew," Nick sighed. "I need a break -- this stuff is hard."
	"Yeah, OK," I agreed, grateful to concentrate on something other than 
Nick's body sitting so close to me that I could feel his body heat.
	I stood up and dug some change out of one of my desk drawers. "You want 
a soda? I'm making a machine run."
	"Yeah, cool," he said, flopping back on my bed and throwing his books 
on the floor. "I'm beat. I don't want to study anymore."
	I laughed.  "Oh, yeah?  Well we still have another chapter to go over. 
Quit whining, Ricci, and get to work" I joked.
	"Just go get the sodas, smartass," he said, stretching. His shirt came 
up and revealed his perfectly shaped abs, making my dick jump.
	I practically bolted the room before Nick could notice me staring or 
see the outline of my hardon in my jeans. Being in the same tiny room as 
Nick was having quite an effect on me. My dick was practically leaping 
out of my jeans, and I could feel myself sweating. My heart was thumping 
so loudly I was sure Nick could hear it. This is just getting obnoxious, 
I observed to myself. I've got to get over this guy. Jesus, that sounds 
weird.
	I returned a few minutes later to find Nick had fallen asleep. He'd 
undone the top few buttons of his shirt, because it was pretty hot, so I 
could see plenty of perfectly tanned skin. His hair was tousled, his 
bangs hanging down over his forehead. He looked so peaceful that I hated 
to disturb him, so I just watched him for a few minutes. When I'd had 
enough, I put the icy cold soda down on his bare chest.
	That got him up. He jumped about a foot up in the air and, once he 
figured out what I'd done, he moved with blinding speed, tackled me, and 
wrestled me to the floor. I couldn't tell quickly enough what he was 
doing, so I went down without being able to put up much of a fight. We 
both lay there, laughing; he was right on top of me, and I'm sure he 
could feel my hardon pressing up against his own crotch. I was fairly 
certain I could feel his, but I couldn't really think about it. We 
stopped laughing and just stared at each other, panting. I felt only one 
thing at that moment: desire. I wanted him, and it was as simple as 
that. All my reservations and fears dissipated as I stared into his 
liquid emerald eyes.
	Nick gave a quick, nervous laugh and got up. "Um, thanks for the soda," 
he said, retrieving his from the floor. He opened it up and threw his 
head back, draining the can in a few seconds. I was still on the floor, 
gazing up at him, watching his Adam's apple jump as he gulped the soda 
down. He then tossed the empty can into the trash and wiped his mouth 
with the back of his hand. "Want to get back to studying now?"
	"Sure," I replied, hopping up off the floor and to the left of him on 
my bed. I willed my cock down a little, and we got back to 
studying...for about three minutes. 
	"OK, here, this is easy. Look over here," I said, pointing to an 
example on the left page of the book sitting in my lap. He leaned over 
my lap to read what I was pointing to for a second then looked up at me 
with an absolutely magnetic stare. My voice trailed off as a small smile 
curled his lips. He slowly raised his head...I could smell the fresh, 
clean scent of his cologne...I felt his hot breath on my throat...then I 
felt his soft, warm lips brush against my own ever so slightly. Then, 
once he felt me relax and surrender to him, he moved in for a longer 
kiss. His lips caressed mine; it was the most sensual and erotic 
sensation I'd ever experienced. The heat enveloped us at the kiss 
intensified; his tongue slowly made its way into my mouth and found my 
own tongue. I lost all thought, all cares, all worries, all feelings of 
the outside; I was completely lost in the passion of the kiss. 
	Nick must have pushed the books and papers to the floor because soon he 
was on top of me as he had been a few minutes ago, but this time our 
lips were locked. I wrapped my arms around his back and lifted his shirt 
so I could rub his bare back and pull him closer to me, to press his 
body against my own. I massaged his strong back muscles just under his 
soft, smooth, perfect skin. Our kisses intensified like a battle; I 
would attack his neck with my lips and he'd pull me back up to do the 
same in a sweet struggle.
	Nick pulled away suddenly, sitting up on his knees. He swept his bangs 
back with one hand and said to me in a husky, breathless voice, "Kevin, 
are you sure you want to do this? If not, tell me now, while I can still 
stop."
	I thought, and still do think, that was a stupid question. Sweet, but 
stupid. I responded by rubbing his inner thighs and grinning 
seductively. He smiled back and unbuttoned his shirt, slowly sliding it 
off behind him. I reached up and massaged his pecs, squeezing his 
nipples. He responded immediately to this, rolling his eyes back in his 
head and moaning. I felt his nipples harden in my hands as I continued 
stimulating them, driving Nick wild. 
	"Stop, I can't take much of that," Nick pleaded. I moved my hands down 
to his abs and around his sides to his back. Then I sat up and planted 
little kisses all over his stomach. I dipped my tongue into his navel 
and I swirled it around, relishing in the contact. Moving north, I 
lingered just for a second on each nipple before continuing to his neck. 
I kissed his Adam's apple and then moved up to his left ear, nibbling 
behind it. I felt him shiver and gasp as I did this, so I kept it up for 
half a minute or so before returning to his mouth. Our tongues 
intertwined as he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, nearly 
crushing the breath right out of me. 
	Nick grabbed the opportunity to pull my shirt up over my head and rub 
my naked chest. I wouldn't let him for long, though; I needed to kiss 
him more, so I lunged up and attacked his mouth with my own, rubbing our 
bare fronts together. His skin was smooth as silk against my own. I felt 
as though I couldn't pull him close enough, and, judging from his 
constricting arms, he felt the same way. 
	Nick's hands wandered down to my belt buckle and deftly undid it, then 
quickly whipped the belt off and threw it across the room. He moved to 
my fly and unbuttoned and unzipped it, then slid my jeans down onto my 
thighs. Then he plunged both hands inside my boxers and seized my cock, 
which was now aching for attention, as was his own, I suspected. 
	As Nick's hands worked my cock and balls over, I slid his basketball 
shorts and boxers down over his thighs. I wrapped my right fist around 
his thick six-incher and began to pump as my left hand cupped his big, 
low-hanging balls. His dick was so hot and so hard that it felt like it 
might explode. It actually leaped when I first touched it, and the head 
was oozing precum.
	I backed off for a second so I could kick my jeans and boxers off, and 
Nick pulled his shorts off. We lay down on my bed on our sides, facing 
each other, and kissed as our hands roamed each other's body. I played 
with his nipples and cock, tickled his bellybutton, and rubbed his abs 
and inner thighs. I raked my fingers through his hair as he began 
kissing just my lower lip, then down my chin, down on my throat, 
continuing on to my chest, my abs, then down to my dick. 
	Nick's hot, wet mouth pounced on my throbbing cock. He licked the slick 
precum off my head, then took the rest of the head into his mouth. His 
tongue circled round and round, and I could feel my dick harden even 
more. Then, all at once, he swallowed my dick down his tight throat. I 
gasped, startled by the sudden pleasure. Nick has obviously done this 
before, because I don't think anyone can work this kind of magic their 
first time. I shivered with pleasure as he gently scraped his teeth 
along my shaft, then sucked as hard as he could on my head.
	A few minutes of this was about all I could take, but I didn't want to 
finish yet, so I pulled out of Nick's mouth.  "Not yet," I said, 
maneuvering so that I could go down on him. I grabbed his cock with my 
left hand and took as much as I could in my mouth, which wasn't nearly 
all of it. It was an odd sensation, having a dick in my mouth, but I 
didn't not like it. I pulled him out of my mouth and licked his head, 
savoring the sweetness of his precum. I gave his dick a tongue bath, 
then sucked first one of his nuts, then the other, in my mouth. He 
squirmed and gasped as I did this, his hands grasping the back of my 
head.
	"Shit, man, we gotta stop for a sec," Nick said. He lay back on his 
elbows, his dick sticking straight up in the air. I assumed the same 
position and we just lay there like that for a minute or two before Nick 
crawled back on top of me, locking his lips on my neck. I arched my back 
and groaned as he ever so gently scraped his front teeth along the sides 
of my neck and on my throat. He soon returned his lips to mine, our 
tongues writhing together in passion. 
	Nick then rolled off me and began to beat himself off with his right 
hand. I followed his cue and did the same, both of us grunting and 
groaning, our dams ready to burst. Nick came fairly quickly, nearly 
gasping loudly, like he did the week before, as is orgasm blossomed. 
Five thick streams of cum shot out from his cock as I watched with 
wonder. The sight of Nick's fluid pushed me over the edge and I nearly 
screamed out as the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced ripped 
through me. My eyes closed involuntarily and I continued moaning every 
tremor passed through me. I felt like I couldn't stop coming. I could 
swear I'd dumped buckets of cum all over my stomach. 
	After the final waves of my orgasm faded, Nick spoke up. "Damn, dude," 
he said. "It was good for you, huh?"
	I stared at his chest as it rose and fell, but I hardly saw it, I was 
so lost in thought. "Wow. That was...that was...so different. I never 
imagined I'd experience anything like that. Let alone with a guy."
	Nick smiled. "Amazing, huh? No girl I've ever been with has been able 
to satisfy me like a guy can, including you," he said.
	My thoughts turned immediately to Kelly, and feelings of guilt drew me 
back down to earth. "Yeah, it's never been like this with Kelly. Never."
	"You OK?" Nick asked. "This might be kinda hard to handle."
	"Yeah, you could say that," I admitted. I felt elated and satisfied 
beyond description at that moment, but I couldn't help but feel horribly 
about cheating on Kelly like this.
	Putting my feelings aside for the moment, I glanced at the clock and 
saw the red numerals glowing 12-something AM, so I got up and grabbed a 
fistful of tissues to clean up with. I knew Matt would be back from the 
library and would probably have an aneurysm if he discovered me naked in 
bed with Nick, both of us covered in cum. 
	We wiped up as best as we could, then got dressed again. Nick headed 
for the door and said to me as he was leaving, "Hey, if you ever need to 
get off and Kelly's not around, you know where to find me."

	Nick and I haven't fooled around since this happened, which was two 
weeks ago. We talked the next morning and kissed a little, but that's 
it. If anything does happen that's worth mentioning, I'll write about 
it. I haven't told Kelly about any of this, and I don't think I will. I 
feel like an ass for it, but if Kelly ever got it on with another girl 
(which I doubt, but I guess anything's possible), I guess I wouldn't 
feel hurt...just if she went after another guy. Anyway, feel free to 
email me at kevobrien@hotmail.com.   -- K.O., 10/5/98


Nick 2

	It's been a few weeks since I wrote the last part (10/5/98), 
and a lot has happened since then. I got some good feedback on the last 
story, and everyone seemed to want more detail about the non-sexual 
parts of my life, so I've tried to write more of that in this story. [If 
you just want the sex, skip to the second half.] Before I launch into 
the next installment of my weird-ass life, let's recap.
	One morning back in September, I walked into Nick's room and caught him 
jerking off. He wasn't mad that I'd seen him or anything; actually, he 
was pretty cool about the whole thing. He kind of came out and told me 
that morning that he was attracted to guys as well as girls. A week 
later we messed around, which was completely random and unexpected on 
both our parts. This was the first experience I'd had with another guy, 
and it left me feeling changed, since it confirmed my bisexuality, and 
guilty, since I had a very steady girlfriend, Kelly, at the time. That's 
where I left off.
	Well, without going into too much hetero detail here, I screwed up 
again. After Nick and I fooled around, I slept with my best friend, 
Jennie. Kelly was always nervous that I might be tempted to sleep with 
Jennie, but I kept saying I wouldn't. I believed it when I said it, but 
now I see I really couldn't resist her. What can I say? As with Nick, it 
just happened. By this time I was feeling awfully guilty, so I decided 
to have a little chat with Kelly. 
	One clear, cold night Kelly and I were sitting outside by the fountain 
on campus, drinking coffee. We had both been busy with school and 
friends for the past couple of weeks and we hadn't had much time for 
each other in a while, so we were enjoying some down time with each 
other to catch up on things.
	"It's such a pretty night," Kelly remarked when there was a lull in the 
conversation. She leaned her head back on my shoulder and gazed up at 
the stars. They were beautiful, twinkling faintly in the northern sky.
	"Yeah," I said, looking down into her eyes and seeing the reflection of 
the sky. As peaceful a moment as this was, I decided it would be as good 
as any to drop the bomb.
	"Uh, there's something I want to talk to you about," I said, wrapping 
my arm around her waist and squeezing her closer to me.
	"Uh-oh," she began. "Is this good news?"
	Instead of answering her, I went right into what I had to say. "Kelly, 
you know how much I love you, right? I'm crazy about you."
	"Yeah, I know...."
	"Good." Not that that makes this any easier to say, I thought wryly. 
"Well, I've...." I couldn't seem to finish what I wanted to say.
	"What? You can tell me," she prompted, her eyes widening with concern.
	"I'm so sorry, but I cheated on you."
	Kelly wriggled out of my embrace and turned to face me, a stoic 
expression set on her beautiful face. "What?"
	"I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry," I continued, suddenly at 
a loss for words. "I didn't mean for it to happen at all, but it 
happened twice."
	"What?" she said again, this time laughing with nervous disbelief. "Are 
you serious? Jesus, you are serious. Twice? I can't believe this." Her 
mind seemed to be whirling, her mouth running to keep up.
	"Yeah. I can't believe it, either. I just don't know what to say."
	Kelly folded her arms over her chest and shivered as a frigid breeze 
blew between us, rather symbolically. "Who was this with? and when?"
	"Well, the second time was with Jennie," I said, looking down at the 
ground in shame. I couldn't meet her eyes.
	"I knew it. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist her. I knew she 
wanted you and wouldn't rest until she got you," she said bitterly.
	"No, it wasn't like that. Neither of us had planned it, it just 
happened."
	"Oh, okay, well then everything's fine," she said sarcastically, 
beginning to lose it.
	"No, no, I didn't say everything's fine, I'm just trying to explain 
everything to you," I defended.
	"And who was the first one?"
	This would be a little tougher. "Believe it or not, it was with Nick," 
I blurted out with a little laugh, conveying my extreme discomfort.
	Kelly didn't say anything for maybe a full minute; she just sat there 
and stared at me. "You had sex with your suite mate? with a guy?"
	I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, I did."
	"Okay," she said, seemingly unsure of how to react. "This is 
interesting," she finally commented.
	"This one also wasn't planned, it just happened," I said.
	"I'm...I'm not really sure how I should take this," she murmured, 
intently watching a jet of water behind me. "Jennie's no surprise, I 
guess, but Nick is. What does this mean, then? Are you bisexual?"
	"Looks like it," I answered, still unable to look Kelly in the eyes. 
The shame I felt for cheating -- twice, even -- on the greatest girl I've ever 
met was drowning me.
	"You mean you're not sure? Is this a new thing?" she asked.
	"No, not really...this isn't an easy thing to explain," I said 
hesitantly, choosing my words carefully. "See, I've known I've been 
attracted to guys and girls for years, but I never even seriously 
considered acting on my feelings for guys. Then Nick and I were studying 
and it was, like, boom, we were kissing and...going further."
	"Good God," she said, taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling it. 
"This isn't what I was expecting you to say at all." She paused then 
continued with, "Um, are you okay with this bisexuality? You do sound 
kind of confused."
	I didn't answer right away; I was amazed by her concern for my feelings 
despite the fact that I'd just slept with two other people. Kelly never 
stops surprising me. "Uh, yeah, I'm confused, but I'm all right. What 
about you, though? I'm more concerned about your feelings right now. How 
are you feeling after all this?"
	"Surprised, mostly. Hurt, too. Maybe a little mad." She looked away 
from me for a moment and amended, "Okay, really hurt and really mad."
	I slowly extended my arms to hug her so that she would have time to 
push me away if she didn't want to embrace, but she practically jumped 
into me. She buried her face in my shoulder and began to cry.
	"Oh, God," I said, my heart breaking for upsetting her. "I'm so sorry, 
Kelly. I hate that I did this to you."
	She didn't say anything. I'm not even sure she heard me, since she was 
sobbing so hard and so miserably.
	All I could do was sit there and hold her against me, the Big Cheater. 
I felt like I should have been branded for my crime or something.
	Kelly stayed in my arms for a few more minutes, then sat up and wiped 
her tears away with her hands. "Um, I'm not sure what to make of all 
this right now. I think I'll go back to my room now," she said, standing 
up. "I'll call you tomorrow so we can talk when I've had a chance to 
sort things out, all right?"
	I was still impressed by her overall pleasantness; were our positions 
reversed, I'm quite sure I'd be shouting all kinds of obscenities and 
punching every inanimate object around me. "Fair enough. For what it's 
worth, I'm sorry."
	"Yeah, I know, you said that. I'll talk to you in the morning. Good 
night," she said, quickly disappearing into the shadows of a grove of 
trees.

	We broke up the next morning. Kelly said it wasn't for any one reason, 
it was a combination of several things. She was deeply hurt by what I 
did to her, which was understandable. She also said she wanted to give 
me the opportunity to explore things on my own, without any strings 
attached. She wanted me to get a sense of who I was and what I really 
wanted, sexually and emotionally. Then there were some other reasons not 
worth mentioning here.
	I was a total wreck that day. After I'd hung up the phone with Kelly I 
went to sleep for several hours, as I always do when I'm upset. I woke 
up around 3 in the afternoon and threw on some old clothes, then jumped 
in my car and drove out to the coast, where I often go to think. 
	The weather was wretched -- cold, cloudy, and drizzly -- which perfectly 
complimented my dour mood. As I watched the slate grey Atlantic waves 
crash up against the sharp, jagged rocks below me, I reflected back on 
all the times Kelly and I had shared. Hot tears of frustration and pain 
welled up in my eyes too fast for me to angrily wipe them away with the 
back of my hand. I thought about the time I flew to Kelly's house the 
previous December to spend Christmas with her and her family. When she 
opened the door and saw me standing on the step she'd screamed and 
thrown her arms around my neck, practically suffocating me with kisses.
	This isn't helping, I thought miserably after a couple of hours. My 
butt was freezing from sitting on the rocks, and I was just getting more 
and more depressed. I watched with bitterness as a happy couple strolled 
along the beach below me, hand in hand, their laughter carried up to me 
in the wind. It's not fair, I said to myself.
	I left just after nightfall, deciding I could sit and brood in my own 
warm, dry dorm room just as easily as I could on the beach. Campus was 
dead when I got back; nothing was going on that weekend, so most people 
had sought activity in the city or at another school. That was fine with 
me, I didn't feel like being social, anyway.
	I got back to my room and flipped on the TV, having to settle on Xena 
(who Kelly and I always called "Warrior Whore") for the lack of anything 
better to watch. One mind-numbing hour later I turned the TV off and 
wandered through the bathroom to my suite mates' room. 
	"Hey," Nick, the guy I'd messed around with a few weeks back, said as I 
walked in. "What's up? You look like hell."
	"Yeah, thanks," I said to him sarcastically. Then I noticed the beer in 
his hand. "Ohhh, booze." I rubbed my hands together greedily. "Getting 
smashed off my ass sounds pretty good tonight."
	"Be my guest. Campus is dead, so I was just going to get drunk all by 
myself like a big loser. I'm glad you're here to make me feel like a 
little less of a dork," he joked.
	"Thanks," I said, pulling a beer out of the fridge. "So where's Steve?" 
I asked, referring to Nick's roommate.
	"He went home for the weekend," Nick responded, taking a swig of his 
drink. "Just like every weekend."
	"Yeah, same with mine. I like it, though...dealing with Matt gets old 
real quick," I commented, popping the can open and straddling Nick's 
desk chair backwards.
	We bitched about our roommates, school, girls, and life in general for 
the next couple of hours as we threw back beer after beer after beer. By 
midnight we had a pretty good buzz.
	"You want another one?" Nick asked, wandering over to the refrigerator. 
I stared at him as he knelt down and grabbed another can. I studied 
every detail of his lightly tanned, chiseled face, the way his light 
brown hair was always just slightly falling down over his amazing green 
eyes, the outline of his biceps and pecs under his t-shirt....
	"Hello?" he said again, snapping me back to reality.
	"Oh, yeah, sure," I stammered. My stomach did a flip-flop, and I felt 
my cock stirring in my jeans. Then, before I could stop myself, I got up 
and walked over to him, sliding a hand down his shoulder and around his 
back.
	Nick stood up and faced me, a sexy grin cracking his devilishly 
handsome face. "I wondered when we'd get around to this," he admitted in 
a low voice.
	I took the beers from his hands, dropped them to the floor, and wrapped 
my arms around his torso, bringing our lips together in a sweet, gentle 
kiss. An electric jolt passed between us as his tongue entered my mouth, 
seizing my own tongue and wrestling with it. Nick stumbled backward and 
swatted at the doorknob, locking the door so we wouldn't be discovered.
	Meanwhile I let my hands explore his strong body, sliding them up 
inside his shirt and rubbing his tight, hard stomach and pecs. I circled 
around his sides and lightly scratched my fingernails up and down his 
spine, making him jump and squirm.
	Nick pulled away and shucked his shirt, then attacked my neck. His 
lips, tongue, and teeth surveyed the soft skin behind my ear, then moved 
up and down along my jugular, on to my Adam's apple, and around to the 
other side.
	I pushed my hands down into his pants and latched onto his shaft with 
my right hand while massaging his balls with my left. Without even 
thinking about it I started jacking him off as his mouth found mine 
again. His swollen head was slick, dripping with precum, and his shaft 
throbbed with desire. I increased the tempo of my jerking as Nick's 
kisses became more intense. His sweet, searing hot breath on my face, my 
neck, and my chest was driving me wild, and my attention to his groin 
was having a similar effect.
	Suddenly Nick gasped and tensed up. He groaned and exclaimed "Oh, 
shit!". I felt him convulse as his spunk flew out of his cock and 
covered my hands and forearms. "Ahhhhhh," he sighed as the aftershocks 
of his orgasm reverberated throughout his body.
	I just stood there, surprised and more than a little disappointed that 
he'd already come. "Oh," I said akwardly, carefully withdrawing my hands 
from his pants and trying unsuccessfully to keep from smearing his 
liquid on his stomach.
	"I'm sorry, man, I tried to stop, but I couldn't," Nick said, laughing.
	"Don't worry about it. You're a mess, though...you'd better go jump in 
the shower."
	"All by myself?" Nick questioned, giving me a pathetic, irresistible 
look.
	"Of course not," I said, catching on. "I'll be right there."
	Nick walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on as I hurriedly 
washed my hands off and stripped down. Then I strolled into the bathroom 
myself and pulled back the shower curtain.
	Nick didn't say a word, he just grabbed me and pulled me under the 
showerhead with him. After kissing me and rubbing his hands up and down 
my back for a few minutes, he reached behind me for the soap. He worked 
the soap in his hands, building up a lather, then rubbed the suds over 
every inch of me, occasionally stretching up for a kiss. He used his 
fingertips to massage my shoulders, chest, back, legs -- everywhere.
	When he was done Nick stood up and gently pushed me back into the water 
and rinsed the suds away, rubbing me down again. Then, as I watched on 
with excitement, he got down on my knees and sucked the head of my dick 
into his mouth. His tongue darted in and out of his mouth and down my 
shaft before he took the entire thing down his throat in one gulp. His 
left hand cupped my balls as the fingers on his right hand pushed hard 
into my abdomen, sliding from my navel down a few inches, then back up.
	The heat, the pressure, the pleasure...it was almost more than I could 
bear. "Unnnnh," I moaned loudly, the sound echoing off the tile shower 
walls. I felt that familiar, tingling warning deep down somewhere below 
my dick, telling me I was near that point of no return. "I'm just about 
there."
	Nick continued working my crotch over for a few seconds until I yelled 
out, "Oh, yeah!". He jumped off just as I blew my load all over his 
chest and shoulders, stroking my cock and still pressing into my lower 
abs with his right hand, intensifying the sensations. "Oh, God."
	"You enjoyed that, huh," Nick said, grinning with pride a few seconds 
later.
	"Yeah, it was okay," I replied nonchalantly, refusing to feed his ego. 
"Good enough."
	Nick just laughed and washed his chest and shoulders again.

	After our shower Nick and I went back to his room. We drank a few more 
beers, then fell asleep.
	I didn't wake up until late the next morning. I was lying in Nick's 
bed, my chest pressed up against his back and my right arm draped around 
his torso. I was disoriented for a minute, then the memories of the 
previous night's events came rushing back to me. Damn, I can't believe 
we did this again, I said to myself, feeling some momentary regret. I 
also felt disgusting, as I always do after drinking, so I decided to go 
back to my room and clean up. 
	Moving very slowly and carefully as to not wake Nick, I climbed over 
him and gathered up my clothes. Then I took a quick shower, shaved, and 
brushed my teeth. When I felt human again I went back to Nick's room.
	He was sitting up in bed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He 
stretched and yawned, then noticed me standing in the doorway. "Hey," he 
said, scratching his chest. "What's up?"
	"Nothing," I replied, crawling back behind him on the bed and slipping 
under the covers. "I'm still tired, and this bed's already warm. Did I 
wake you up?"
	"Nah, I was already kind of awake when you left," he said. He smiled 
and stood up, walking over to his sink. "You hung over?" He splashed 
some warm water on his face and squirted some shaving cream in his hand.
	I lay there in his bed, just watching him from behind. "Nah, I never 
get hung over. You?"
	"No." He smeared the shaving cream on his face and picked up his razor. 
I watched his actions in the mirror for a moment then, feeling a little 
horny, I scooted down to the foot of the bed and wrapped my arms around 
his waist and pressed my face into the small of his back, my hands 
running up and down his abs, tickling him.
	"Horny again?"
	"Of course," I said.
	Nick didn't say anything, he just smiled and kept shaving. 
	I flipped over on my back and pushed my head through his legs. I pulled 
his boxers down a little and took his nuts into my mouth. 
	"Ah, yeah," Nick said, closing his eyes in ecstasy. The position was 
kind of uncomfortable, since I was upside down, but Nick seemed to be 
really enjoying himself, so I kept it up.
	I braced my hands on his back and pulled myself through his legs a 
little further, raising my head up and sucked his cock into my mouth. He 
groaned with contentment as my throat muscles gradually relaxed to 
accommodate more of him. He slowly thrust in and out of my mouth for 
several minutes as I continued licking and sucking until he came with a 
great sigh. This time I didn't pull him out of my mouth, swallowing his 
liquid.
	"Mmm, we've got to do this more often," he said, pulling his boxers 
back up. "You're getting good."
	I slid back and sat up, feeling a little light-headed. "Thanks."
	Then we heard Steve insert his key into the lock, so I bolted for the 
door, throwing a smirk back at Nick. I didn't think we'd ever fool 
around again, but now it looked like it would be a regular event.

Kelly and I haven't talked at all since we broke up, but I'm hoping to 
patch things up between us, so I'm going to try avoid any more sex with 
Nick. All I feel for him is physical, while I have both physical and 
emotional feelings for Kelly. Nick and I have absoluetly no desire to 
"date" each other, even as an experiment, as many people have 
suggested--Kelly is the only person I want to be involved with. 
Comments, questions, etc are welcome at kevobrien@hotmail.com. --KO 11/1/98