Date: Fri, 17 Jan 2020 00:12:53 +0000 From: Dusty Miller Subject: [gay/college] No Use Pretending Anymore One of the things that worried me the most about sharing a room in a college dorm with a stranger was this: what the hell was I going to do about fapping? I mean, every single night since the first night I had discovered how at the age of 12, I had rubbed one out before falling asleep. I swear, every single night. It was impossible for me to sleep without it now. After high school, I went away to college at a pretty good state school, about a two hour drive from the city I lived in. We weren't required to live in the dorms, but virtually everybody lived on campus for the first year to make friends and then moved out to an apartment after that. That was my plan too. First year students, however, didn't rate single rooms. About a month before school started, I got a letter from the dean's office listing my room assignment, 304. It also had the name of my assigned roommate, Adam Forsythe, from some town I had never heard of, but via the internet I discovered was in a rural area upstate. Being a good internet stalker, I immediately started looking for him on facebook, but he had his profile secured and while the profile pic was recognizably a person, it was too small to really get a look at him. I couldn't find out anything else about him online either, he flew below the radar. After a week of dithering, to see if he would friend me first, I sent a friend request. I didn't get a response until 3 days before school started. Once I could see his facebook profile, I could see Adam was a good-looking guy, apparently my age and quite fit, a cross-country runner. No shirtless pics, but he looked pretty hot. No evidence of a girlfriend. No scandalous posts, just the odd xkcd or oatmeal cartoon or tame image meme. I sent a brief but friendly note saying I was looking forward to meeting him. I didn't get an answer. On Labor Day, my dad and I packed up the car and my parents drove me to school. It was a proud but sad moment for them - I was the youngest and my older sister had left home for college two years before me. The baby was flying the nest and they would be all alone. But I had no regrets. I got my stuff into my room and hustled them off before any embarrassing moments could happen. This was freedom for me and it was a world of possibilities. Not that I wasn't nervous too - isn't everyone on the first day of school? The dorm was a co-ed apartment block with the kind of shabby, stained carpet and banged up paint on the cinder block walls that spoke of serious partying. The room was small - a long rectangular shape and a mirror image on each side. As you went in the door, on both sides there was a closet, then a built in captain's bed with drawers underneath, a desk that faced the wall with shelves above it and then the far wall with a window and tacky old blue curtains and a hot water radiator. My view out the window from the third floor was of the cafeteria loading docks and a parking lot. The walls were decorated sparsely with some PVC conduit to add ethernet to the desks and heat and smoke sensors on the ceiling. The aisle up the middle of the room was maybe 4 feet wide. We would be sleeping almost side by side. I wondered if my future roommate snored. There was no real difference between the two halves of the room, except that when the room door opened inward it blocked one of the closets. Being the first to arrive, I picked the other side and unpacked my stuff. It was a good thing I hadn't packed a lot. It was close quarters. I wandered around and met my RA, who seemed pretty cool. She was a PhD student in postcolonial literature. I had a look at the common room, which didn't have much to recommend it and looked like it was used mainly for keg parties and watching TV. There was no keg but there were already some used plastic cups scattered under one of the couches. I wondered how they got away with it, since most everyone was underage and there was supposed to be a no alcohol, no disruptive parties rule. I killed an hour helping a couple of other kids carry their stuff from the elevators to their rooms. Everyone was pretty excited and positive and seemed like decent people to share a dorm with. Adam showed up in the middle of the afternoon with his parents. I shook hands for some stiff introductions and helped him bring his things in. His parents disappeared and he unpacked and then we found ourselves leaning against our desks, awkwardly trying to make conversation. But it was just small talk. "Did you do any sports in high school?" I asked. "Yeah, cross-country." "I did swimming." "Cool." "Yeah." "So, yeah." He had turned 18 in March, whereas I wouldn't be 18 for three more weeks. We were about the same height, 6' or so. Well, he claimed to be 6' but I'm 6' and I think I have an inch on him. He had brown hair that curled a bit and blue eyes and a very fit build. He looked like a runner. He was wearing a faded 10 k run t-shirt and baggy basketball shorts that gave no hints about what kind of package he had underneath. We puttered around until it was time to go down for supper and then we ate together. In fact, we ate almost every meal together after that. Adam was on the quiet side and while not cripplingly shy, he wasn't particularly outgoing either and he didn't go out of his way to befriend anybody else. That first night, I made sure to get ready for bed quickly when I saw that he was starting to get ready himself. I figured if I was in bed first, I would get a good chance to check him out while he undressed and my boner was hidden under my covers. I stripped down to my boxer briefs, which is what kind of underwear I always wore, and hopped into bed. The plan worked, in that I got to watch him undress. He turned away for what modesty was available as he took off his clothes, but I could see his muscled back and legs and and I could see the furry top of the cleft of his ass as he dropped his shorts and his gray boxer briefs rode down a bit. His hairy legs were a big turn on too. Fuck, he was hot. He climbed in bed and turned off his reading light. I kept reading my novel for a bit more before turning out my reading light too. Now we were both lying awake in the dark not saying anything. I had a raging hard on and not just 'cos it was my normal, regular fapping time but also because I was only a couple of feet away from a mostly naked, pretty good looking guy with a great body. He even smelled good. Unfortunately, his breathing did not sound like he was sleeping, so I didn't dare start jacking, no matter how badly I wanted to. And I wanted to. The strained front of my cotton underwear was all wet from precum. Eventually I fell asleep. The rest of the week was occupied by frosh week activities. We were in separate frosh groups, by somebody else's design, so we hung out only sporadically. I still hadn't found a decent place to fap, although by Thursday, which had to have been a new nofap record for me, I did it in a bathroom stall just to get it over with. It was not all that satisfactory but it did prevent me from going stark raving mad before classes even started. It was a pretty fun frosh week and I met tons of people. I even tried beer for the first time ever, although it tasted awful and I didn't go crazy with it like some guys did. The stoners formed a little group right away. They were friendly, but I wasn't interested in weed either so I kept my distance. There was also a pile of people that were super studious and never socialized at all and just stayed in their rooms. Some of them I never even learned their names all year. Adam and I became pretty close friends. We liked the same kinds of movies and books, chatted Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, watched baseball together in the common room and generally got along. His musical taste was a little underdeveloped so I made it a project of mine to introduce him to something beyond Foo Fighters and Nickleback. He came from a town so small they actually openly admitted to liking Nickleback! You can't just have someone quit that shit cold turkey, so I put him on a methadone-for-the-ears program of Muse and the Black Keys before we could move on to Animal Collective and LCD Soundsystem. One day, when I came home from class, he was studying my class schedule, which was pinned to the bulletin board above my desk. "Oh, hey, um, I was just noticing how bunched up your classes are on Mondays and Wednesdays. Pretty brutal, man." "Yeah it is. Three hours of class in the morning, then lunch, then a tutorial, and then class from 2 to 4. It kinda sucks. If I had wanted a schedule like that I would have taken engineering." I was taking poli sci with an eye towards law school afterwards, like my dad did. "Um, yeah." Adam looked shifty and guilty and went back to his laptop at his desk. "What's your schedule like?" I asked. "Here's a copy for you." I get my own copy? I read it over and compared it to mine. There were no particular windows of fapping opportunities for me, where I would have time off yet could be reasonably assured that he would be at class. However, Adam had the place to himself from 2 to 4 every Monday and Wednesday. Bastard. He had better fap enough for both of us. I pinned his schedule beside mine and then we watched TV in the common room until supper. Adam kept up his running and would sometimes run in the morning before breakfast, which meant he would generally go to bed early and fall asleep early too. I would stay up a bit later reading and then turn in once he was safely asleep. And once I was nestled in bed, I would go to work perfecting the art of jerking off in silence. I had it all planned out - I would even keep a stash of kleenex under the pillow to clean up with. It wasn't perfect, but it sure beat doing it in the bathroom stalls. Another guy was rumored to have been issued a formal warning by the RA for getting caught jerking off in the showers, but nobody seemed to have any first-hand knowledge of the incident so it was probably all BS. If Adam went for a morning run, I would sometimes get the privacy for a morning jack off session, but I'm a sound sleeper and didn't always wake up. More often, I would wake up to see him coming back from the showers in just flip flops and a towel, which was a sight to behold, let me tell you. His pubic hair spread up his flat stomach in a triangle to his navel and every time I saw it, I got a hard on. I should probably mention here that I was a complete virgin back then. I knew full well that I was attracted to guys but I simultaneously maintained the fiction in my head that once I finally had sex with a girl that I would become straight and normal and have a girlfriend like everyone else. This was crazy and I knew it but it's amazing how much capacity we have for self-delusion. The desire to fit in can be very strong. Aside from holding hands and a couple of chaste kisses with my date for the high school prom, my sole sexual contact with another human being had been a mutual stroke session when I was 13 with the son of some old friends of my parents. We just kind of felt each other up in his bedroom and didn't even cum but it was tremendously exciting. I never saw him again so I never knew if he would be up for more. And while there were a couple of guys out at my high school, they were pretty feminine - the kind of guys who would never be able to hide it if they tried - which didn't turn me on at all. There must have been other masculine gay guys, but we were all deep in the closet and had no chance of mutual recognition or assistance. I had no idea what Adam's sexual history might have been - we never talked about it. I knew he hadn't left a girlfriend behind back home but he never volunteered anything and I didn't ask. If he was as straight as an arrow, I didn't want to know - that capacity for self-delusion again. I kept my hopes to myself and jerked off quietly with him sleeping four feet away while I imagined lying on top of him and grinding our hard dicks together until we blew our loads and our slowly drying cum matted our pubic hair and stuck our skin together. But I digress. You want to hear how it happened that Adam and I got finally got together and had sex. Well, one Monday afternoon during the first week of October, I went to my 2 pm class but the prof never showed. We all waited 15 minutes and then left. Not having anything better to do, I went back to the dorm. Now, I should have seen this coming, but I swear it never even crossed my mind. I unlocked the door and burst into my room and there was Adam naked on his bed with his big, hard, cut dick in his right hand pounding away. Now that would have been embarrassing enough for him, I'm sure, but he also at that moment had his legs spread wide and a finger or two of his left hand jammed up his tight, furry little ass. He shrieked. I jumped back. "Sorry, dude!" I threw my backpack on my bed and closed the door. I took a couple of deep breaths and then locked the door behind me. I didn't know where else to go or what to do, so I just went for a long walk around campus for two hours. I sure had some thinking to do. By 5:30 I was hungry. My meal card was in my backpack so I had to go back and get it in order to eat, and I figured Adam should be both done fapping and calmed down by now. I made sure to rattle my keys in the lock as I let myself in. Adam was sitting at his desk looking stressed. He started blushing furiously too. "Hungry, Adam? I'm starved. Let's go eat." He didn't say anything but got up and put his shoes on and we went down the cafeteria to eat together, mostly in silence. I did my best to act normal and be friendly and he started to relax, somewhat. When we got back to our room, I decided I had better apologize. "I am so sorry for walking in you like that. My class was canceled and I didn't even think about whether you might need privacy or not." "S'okay." He forced a smile. Even forced, it was still adorable. "If you think about it, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Everybody does it." "Yeah." "I guess we should have negotiated a protocol up front." Adam laughed. "You're such a poli sci student. You want to diplomatically negotiate a 'masturbation accord,' do you?" "Sure, why not. I mean, it can't possibly go as badly as a Middle East peace treaty." "So how about you text or call next time you decide to ditch class and I might be in the room." "You betcha. And say, if you ever need privacy, just tell me and I'll scram for half an hour or whatever you need." "It's a deal. And I'll give you privacy whenever you want it now too. Just say the word." "Or give the hand signal." I made a stroking motion with my right hand. "Jesus Christ." "I bet even Jesus had to fap sometimes too. We all fap, brother." "Amen, brother." I turned to my computer to check my email. But Adam wasn't finished, "Oh, and by the way..." "Yeah?" "You can go naked in the room whenever you want. I don't care. You don't have to be modest all the time." I was surprised to hear this. I guess in retrospect I had gone to silly lengths to be 'modest' in our room, keeping a towel wrapped around me changing, but I guess that had more to do with trying to be respectful and not wanting to get caught with a boner or a semi than insecurity about being naked in front of another guy. "Cool. That's kind of a relief to hear you say that, actually. I hate wearing clothes all the time. At home I always slept naked," which was true. I never wore clothes if I was alone in the house back home either. "Okay, room 304 is now officially clothing optional." We both busted up laughing. That evening, it was Adam's turn to stay up late and my turn to go to bed first. I stripped down naked being careful to neither try to hide my junk nor show it off and wave it in his face. Not an easy balance to strike in a room that was only about 10' by 12'. I could feel his eyes on me though. Then I crawled into bed, more comfortable than I had been in a while, and went to sleep. Sometime later, I woke up. The room was dark but I could hear a soft noise coming from the other bed beside me. Adam was jerking off quietly, or so he thought. I wondered if I was that loud when I jerked off when he was supposed to be asleep. I was facing the wall but I decided I had to take a peek to see what I could see. I did my best impression of a guy rolling over in his sleep. Adam stopped and listened for my breathing, which I tried to fake as slow and deep and regular. It worked and he went back at it. I looked through slitted eyelids but couldn't see much. He still had the blankets over him and they made a soft, rhythmic rustling as he did the five knuckle shuffle. Just before he came, he threw back the covers and I finally got a full view of his hard cock as he shot all over his chest. It was pretty impressive and I was more turned on than I had ever been in my life. This was no fantasy, no badly-lit homemade xtube video, this was the real deal happening right in front of me. The bleachy smell of cum and ripe odors of sweat hung in the air. Adam wiped himself up with a pair of underwear, which he sniffed and then tucked under his pillow. With a final look at me to make sure I was still sleeping, he pulled the covers back over his naked body and went to sleep himself. There was zero chance of me getting back to sleep without cumming first myself. I waited as long as I could stand it and then jacked my cock. I'm not usually a fast cummer but tonight it only took a minute before I sprayed cum all over myself and the sheets. And I mean all over. It must have been the biggest load of my life. I wiped up as much as I could with my kleenex stash but ran out and ended up just wiping up the rest with the sheets. Note to self: laundry day tomorrow. I fell asleep. The next day, Tuesday, was busy with school for both of us. Around 4 in the afternoon, I joined him for a quick jog. It was barely a workout for him whereas it was a stretch for me. I was in decent shape but I never much liked running. When we got back we stripped off naked and then went for a shower together. I thoroughly enjoyed every second that we spent naked together, but then we got dressed again and ate supper. After supper I decided to call him on his fap session last night. "You'll be headed to bed early tonight," I remarked. "Yeah, I want to get up early and run in the morning." "No, I mean, you didn't get a lot of sleep last night." "Wh- what are you talking about?" He was blushing bright red with shame, giving away his guilt. He knew what I was talking about. "I heard you last night jerking off. But it's cool. I've done it before when you were sleeping too." "When you thought I was sleeping," he amended. "You knew?" I was incredulous. "Oh, I knew." He looked smug. "Dude, you do it four feet away from me every night. How could I not know." "Dammit, I was convinced of my own cleverness." "Sorry, but I've been listening to you for a month." "Okay. Fine. We need to renegotiate the protocol." "Oh?" "Fapping is allowed in Room 304 at all times, by either party. No shame. If you're horny, just go for it." "Deal." No fapping was done right away that night. We went to the common room to watch TV for a while and then did some homework. When Adam went to bed around 11, I did too. We both got naked and both had semis. We crawled in and turned out the lights." "Hey, can I ask you a favor?" "Sure, Adam, whatever you want." Please let it be sex. Please. "Um, can I borrow some of your lube? I'm all out." "Oh, yeah, of course." I opened the drawer closest to me. "Here you go." "Thanks!" I wondered if he had been in that drawer and helped himself to some before. The thought made my erection throb a little. Enough light still came in the window to see quite well, once my eyes adjusted. I watched him lube up his dick and listened to the soft squish, squish sounds. "Thanks." He handed back the bottle and I slathered some all over my cock too while Adam watched my every move. Our eyes met. "Let's go for it," I said. Adam didn't answer but we proceeded to beat off while we watched each other. Fuck, it was hot. Just remembering the moment makes me horny, makes me want him. We had become pretty good friends over the last month, but this was taking friendship places I had never been before. I loved it. "Oh, god, here it comes." I don't know why I felt I ought to warn him but I did. I couldn't hold back another second and I busted. I'm normally a shooter, usually my first cum shot arcs up and lands on my chest or throat somewhere. Today it went past that and all over my mouth. I swear it wasn't on purpose. "Shit, yeah," Adam was breathless as my cock kept spurting. "Here I cum too." Adam sprayed himself with shot after shot of ropey cum. I slept soundly that night, with very pleasant dreams of doing a lot more than watching each other jerk off. I couldn't describe now what I was thinking then, it was all such a blur of emotion. I know when I was at class the next day, while I would open my notebook, the class would end without me writing a word. I could think of nothing but Adam, nothing. That night began the same way as the previous night. We went to bed at the same time and lay naked on our beds, side by side. "Can I have some lube? Adam asked. "Sure," I replied, but I didn't hand him the bottle. Something deep in my subconscious took control of me. I stood up, squirted some lube into my hand and then applied it to Adam's dick. My hand directly on his hot, hard cock, rubbing lube up and down the shaft and on the glans and back down again. Adam didn't resist at all, he just moaned and grabbed at the sheets. I gave him a firm grip as I jacked his cock. If were older and more experienced, I would have gone slower and brought him off at a more leisurely pace. But I was 18 and virginal and burning with impatient lust like a gasoline fire. I made him cum as fast as I could. When he shot, he wasn't quiet about it. Adam was a moaner, and still is. He gave full voice to his orgasm as his load shot across his chest and stomach. When he was done, he reached out for my cock and returned the favor. I was already very excited and when I came it was all over his hand and his chest and his bed. He used the underwear he had worn that day to clean up all the cum. It was a sodden mess when he finished. "That was so awesome." "That was incredible." "Yeah." I didn't know what I should do, so I just crawled back into my bed under the covers. I know, I know, I should have crawled in his bed, kissed him deeply and told him I wanted more. I was young and dumb, what else can I say? Like normal, we went down to breakfast together the next morning and went to class separately. That evening, our floor was hosting another floor for a "social," which was code for playing party games in the common room with smuggled and concealed liquor. The RA benevolently looked the other way. Adam and I were both at the party, hanging out and having a good time. After a while though, I noticed he was missing. I went back to the room to check on him. He was sitting at his desk in just his boxer briefs staring at his laptop screen. I sat down in my chair beside him. He was watching a video of two men fucking. "You like it?" he asked. "Oh yeah." "Fuck, I'm horny right now." "Me too." We looked at straight at each other for maybe 30 seconds. I was trembling, partly with fear and partly with anticipation. I stood up and took off my jeans and underwear in one motion. My dick was already hard. Adam stared at it, wide-eyed. I took my shirt off too and started stroking. "C'mon, what are you waiting for?" Adam stood up with his underwear tented out. He shed his briefs and we were both naked except for my jeans bunched up around my ankles. We both had massive erections and a hand wrapped around it. I started jerking off in earnest. So did Adam, never taking his eyes off my cock. I reached over and pushed his hand off his cock, replacing it with my own. I stroked him slowly. Adam moaned, fairly loudly, which turned me on. There was no chance of anyone hearing us through the cinder block walls. "Do you like my hand on your cock?" I asked out loud. "Oh, god, yes. You- you're the first to ever touch me there." "I'm a virgin too." I placed his right hand on my cock as a sign for him to do me too. It wasn't long before we were both breathing hard. We looked each other in the eye and I felt the mutual attraction powerfully, tangibly. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. He returned it. We must have made out for 5 minutes like that, just standing in the middle of the room and fondling each other. He broke away first. Adam stepped back and walked over to his bed, got on all fours, and buried his face in the pillow. His ass was sticking up in the air. The room was silent. Adam said nothing. I held my breath as I contemplated what he was offering me. I walked over and got on the bed behind him. His butt was rounded and firm from his running, and lightly covered in hair. I caressed it. I ran a finger along his crack, over his hole and down the taint to his balls and cock. I groped and felt and stroked and probed. He had showered after supper and was squeaky clean back there - I licked my finger and slid it in. His hole felt like a hot vice. I had to know what it would feel like on my cock. I got off the bed long enough to fish the lube out of the drawer and hopped back up behind him. I started putting some lube on and into his tight hole. "Fuck me, please," Adam moaned. I didn't want to deny him. I quickly lubed my cock and pressed it against his hole and started working it in. It was tight and it took a few tries but eventually I got it halfway in. Adam was sweating and breathing hard, probably in pain. "You okay?" "Yeah. Fuck me." I started thrusting in and out, slowly. I started going in deeper and deeper with every thrust until I was finally all the way. "Oh, fuck! Fuck yeah!" Adam liked it. I started doing it faster but in a steady rhythm. "Oh, god, yes, fuck me!" His wordless moans got louder too and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I stopped thrusting and came deep inside him. Without pulling out, I reached around and jacked his dick. He came in about 30 seconds all over the sheets. I withdrew my dick, which had gone soft anyway, and we collapsed on the bed, spooning, with my arm around him holding his shoulder tightly. Neither of us said a word. The next thing I remember is waking up and feeling cold. We must have fallen asleep right away. The lights were all still on too. The clock said it was 1 am. I looked at Adam, who was still sleeping heavily. My heart convulsed with emotion. I turned out the lights and got back into his bed, pulling the covers over both us as I snuggled up against his body. In the morning, he woke up first. I felt his hand on my cock, which stiffened up right away. We kissed and groped and jacked each other until we had both cum yet again. "Thank you for last night," I said seriously, looking directly in his eyes. "Can we do that again, sometime? I mean, later, not now. I'm still kinda sore." He smiled. "We can do anything you want anytime you want." "Anything?" he asked, a bit mischievously. "Anything," I replied, firmly. "No limits." "There's a lot of stuff I want to try." "I'll do anything so long as it's with you." Needless to say, we had a lot of sex together after that. In the morning, at night, after class, and bj breaks during studying. And we always slept together too, even if it was a bit crowded in a twin bed. The next week, I was eating lunch alone with Andrew, one of the other guys on the floor. "You and Adam are really lucky to have each other as roommates." "Yeah, he's the perfect roomie." "I bet." Andrew had a big smirk on his face. "What?" Oh shit, how did he find out. "C'mon, everybody knows that you two are going at it non-stop." "I, I don't know what you're talk-" "Look, you don't have to pretend. Everybody here is cool about it. Being gay is no big deal these days. We just think you lucked out getting to room with your boyfriend." I was too much in shock to say anything. "It's cool, really. Everyone is fine with it. Well, except some of the girls are kinda pissed. I heard Jen complaining yesterday that all the good looking boys are gay. But that's okay, it means average looking guys like me have better odds." "How did you know?" "Well, when Adam shouts, 'fuck me, fuck me' and you yell 'I'm cumming' we can all hear it." "I thought the walls would be thick enough..." "Yeah, but the doors aren't. And your door is right across the hall from the common room." I put two and two together. "You mean everyone in the common room can hear us having sex?" "We don't miss a thing. Not a word." Good god. "Well then, I guess there's no use pretending anymore." "Nope." Andrew slapped me on the back as he went to get us a couple of coffees.