Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2012 18:42:14 -0400
From: E Y <mr_e08@hotmail.com>
Subject: Noah and Jordan Chapter 16

The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living
person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are
a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please
leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not
reproduce without prior consent.

----------
Hey everyone!

I am so, so sorry for the long delay. I can't believe it has been a year
since I last posted a chapter. This was not planned at all. It took me a
while to write this chapter because I kept on rewriting it. I struggled to
write this chapter for many reasons, which I won't bore you with right
now. So like always if you have any comments please let me know at
mr_e08@hotmail.com.

Oh, and as for the note in the previous chapter, many of you guessed
correctly it had to do with our friend Zit Face. That's all I'm saying for
now.

Many thanks to Lisa for helping me edit this chapter!

Enjoy!

Ethan.


------------- Chapter 16 ------------

*** Jordan ***

As a child, I remember always being told my family would be there for me no
matter what. Friends aren't forever but family is. My parents would love me
unconditionally. They would be there to lift me up when I fell, hold my
hand and guide me through obstacles, and help mark the major milestones in
my life. This notion was reinforced by watching cartoons and those cheesy
family shows like "Full House" or "Family Matters". They showed these
suburban families that were able to overcome all of their problems usually
in less than 30 minutes. But it even goes beyond the media. When you walk
in the park you sometimes encounter a couple with children. They all smile
and laugh. From the outside they look happy; an ideal family portrait. But
if you look closer you start to see the tension lines deep within the
skin. The cracks might not always be visible but they are there. We fall
into this idea of the perfect family. We change ourselves so that we please
others. We don't want to be failures to our parents. We change so they can
be proud of us, so they can hold their heads up high in society. We aim to
create the perfect family. But families aren't perfect. They don't solve
all of your problems. Sometimes they are the source of them.

I guess sometimes love does come with conditions.

-----

There really is no place like home. I always get this warm feeling in my
heart walking up the concrete steps, knocking on the door, and seeing my
mom open the door with a big smile on her face, and brightness in her eyes.

"Hi ..."

Then there is a completely different feeling. The one where you think, am I
at the right house?

"You must be Jordan ..." this strange man says to me. At least he knows who
I am.

"Yeah ... and you are?"

"Jordan!" My mom yells, coming into view. Finally someone I recognize!
"You're home! It's so good to see you. Come in, come in!" She wraps her
arms around me and gives me a big hug.

"It's good to be home," I reply.

"I thought you were coming tonight?" she asks me.

"Yeah, I ended up taking an earlier flight because you asked me to." I say
looking at her and then at the man who looks awfully nervous.

"Sorry, where are my manners," my mom says, "Jordan this is my co-worker,
Michael."

"It's nice to meet you," I say to him.

"Nice to meet you as well," he says to me.

We all just stare at each other for a moment. Awkward.

"Why don't we all move into the kitchen?" my mom asks.

"That's okay, I should be going," Michael says. "Thanks for
everything. I'll see you at work. Merry Christmas."

"I'll see you at work," my mom says as she closes the door. "So, how was
your flight?" she asks turning around.

"I'm sorry, who was that?"

"I told you, a co-worker."

"And what was he thanking you for?" I ask her. I'm not really convinced she
was telling me the whole truth.

"Lunch ... he came over for lunch."

"Okay ..." I say in a very unsure tone.

"You must be exhausted, why don't you run upstairs and freshen up. I'll get
dinner ready."

She's changing the subject. "Sure. See you in a bit."

That was weird. Very weird. There was this awkward tension in the room with
the way my mom was looking at that guy. Something tells me he might be more
than just a co-worker. I throw my stuff onto my bed and grab my phone. I've
already texted Noah a dozen times since my flight landed.

"Just got home ... something strange is afoot. Text you when I know more."

A few seconds later he responds back. "Afoot É really? Weirdo É you've been
home for a minute, what trouble has your foot gotten into already?"

"Going to go eat, will talk when I'm back," I text him before going
downstairs.

"So, what's to eat?" I ask my mom.

"Rice with chicken. Grab some plates."

It's nice to get a home cooked meal from time to time. Even though it's
simple and nothing extraordinary, it still is better than cooking for
myself. I really should learn how to cook one day. One day, that's the key
word.

"So," my mom asks me, "are you still dating that same girl?"

I was expecting this conversation, just not so soon. "Um, yeah I am still
dating." I don't want to lie to my mom, but then again, I also don't want
her to start questioning me about who I am dating and why I broke up with
Jenn.

"That's good, and how are things going?"

"Well, really well." I can't help but smile, especially after the send off
Noah gave me.

"What's her name again?"

Shit. "I'm sorry, what?"

"The girl you're dating, her name?"

Crap. Change the topic. "Oh, mom, I just remembered! I think I'm getting an
A in my English class -- you known the one where I thought the prof hated
me."

"Oh, well that's really good. How did you manage to turn that around?"

"My awesome charm."

"Sure, and what else?"

"Just did well on my paper and had a great presentation, so it all seems to
have worked out."

"Well that's good; you need good marks if you want to continue studying."

"So, tell me more about Michael?" I bring it up so casually, she almost
chokes on her food.

"What ... what is there, ah, to um, say?" she stutters.

"Who is he exactly?"

"I told you, he works with me at the hospital. He came over for lunch and
that's about it."

"Mom, I'm a bit smarter than that; there was a bit more going on. The way
he looked at you, and you at him. The poor guy seemed extremely nervous."

"It's nothing big; just we've been spending time together. It's nothing
more than that."

"Are you dating ..." I start to ask her.

"It wasn't a date," she cuts me off, "we're not together É I'm just trying
to É if you're not okay with this then I won't."

"I'm not sure what I am. I want to see you happy. You got divorced years
ago, you are allowed to move on."

"I'm not sure I'm even up for all of this. It was so different in my day. I
haven't dated a guy in years!"

"You need to do what makes you happy. Just don't go running off getting
married or ditching me."

"Jordan, I would never!"

"I know, I'm just bugging you. Anyway, I'm going to go lie down for a bit,
I'm feeling really tired."

"It's good to have you back home."

"It's good to be home."

Wow, so my mom is dating. I honestly can't say I saw that coming. It's
weird to think about it, my mom with another guy. She never even showed the
slightest interest in dating someone after she broke up with my dad. But
then again she never did have time what with taking care of me and trying
to make enough to get by. I'm not sure how I should feel about all of
this. Then again this isn't about me, it's about my mom and her being
happy.

I drop onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. It's been a crazy day. I was
not expecting the type of good bye Noah gave me at the airport. It took me
a very long time to calm down. When I walked away from him towards security
my heart was beating like crazy. All throughout the flight I thought about
our kiss. It was insane! I kissed him in front of so many people. The
security guard just smiled at me when I walked through. Most people stared
for a few moments but then went on their way. It helps that we're in a very
gay-friendly city. I still can't believe I kissed him ... or that he said
he loved me. And then I said it too! I said it too. I love a guy. I love
another guy. It's exciting, but also extremely frightening. I'm in love
with a guy. Another guy. Wow. I remember the first time I kissed Noah in
the gym when I thought he was missing. I still remember that intensity, and
that uncertainty. At that moment I didn't know where that kiss would take
me. Even as we started seeing each other there was never a clear path to
follow. But there I was two months later at the airport with that same rush
in me, that same urge. And it felt good, really good. But it was more than
that, it felt right. I just don't know what it all means now. Does
everything change now that I've said I love him? Is this going too fast?
I'm really not sure where we go from here. But I know where to start.

"Hey Noah."

"Hi. How was your flight?"

"Fine, took off on time, landed early. No complaints. How was your day?
Anything exciting happen?" I'm not sure how I bring up what happened at the
airport.

"No not really. Well actually, except I went to the airport to drop someone
off and this random guy just came up to me and kissed me."

"A random guy, eh?" So this is how he is going to play it.

"Yeah. Weird no?" he says.

"Very weird. Did you like it?"

"Well, it wasn't bad."

"Oh, wasn't bad. Huh. Well, that's interesting. I too was at the airport
today and some random guy just came up to me and started rambling
incoherently. He kept going on and on about something and then eventually
professed his love for me. Poor fellow, he really did look nervous."

"Oh that happens all the time, I wouldn't make much of it. You know how it
is, big cities, weird people. And I'm sure that guy, that honest, sincere,
handsome, virtually flawless, amazing guy, was just, you know, a bit
nervous. It's not easy to profess ones love ..."

"No it's not ... but I'm glad he did. Alright, now can we please talk like
normal people?"

He laughs. "Fine."

"So how do you feel?" I ask him.

"I feel good. My heart rate is finally back to normal."

"Yeah I know, it took me a very long time to calm down too. A lot of people
were staring at us in the airport."

"I know. But who cares, not like we're going to see them ever again."

"True. I was concerned I went too far by kissing you. I'm sorry if it made
you uncomfortable. I wasn't really thinking, more like acting in the
moment."

"Jordan, you have no reason to apologize. That kiss was amazing. It was one
of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and something I will
never forget. It's funny because I thought I might have scared you by
blurting out so much. I thought maybe things are going too fast for you."

"It is fast. I've never said 'I love you' to someone I was dating for only
two months. But then again, it felt right saying it to you, absolutely
scary as well, but right, and I meant every word. I'm just not sure what
this all means or if it changes our relationship."

"It doesn't have to change anything if we don't want it to," he says to me.

At exactly that moment my mom decides to knock on my door.

"Hey Jordan, sorry to bother you, I made popcorn, and was wondering if you
want to watch a movie together?" she asks me.

"Sure, I'll be down in two seconds," I reply to her. "Wow that was close,"
I say to Noah.

"How much do you think she heard?"

"No clue, but I don't think I said anything suspect. Anyway I have to
run. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure. But wait, you never told me what was 'afoot'?"

"Ah, well that's a long story. I'll fill you in later. Have a good night."

"You too, bye."

I want to tell him I love you again, but not sure if my mom is around, so
that will have to wait for another time. Plus saying it once in a day is
good enough. No need to go overboard. I run downstairs and sit next to my
mom on the couch. She has this huge grin on her face. I'm not really sure
what she heard.

"So things are going good with your girlfriend?" she asks me mid-way
through the movie.

Thank God! She thinks I was talking to a girl. That's a relief. She
probably heard the ending. "Yeah, it's going well."

"That's good to hear. Just remember to always use protection."

Awkward.

---

The next morning my mom wakes me up at 6 in the morning. That's right 6. I
never get up at 6 a.m. when I have school and she wakes me up while I'm on
my holiday break. I'm too groggy to even yell.

"Get up and get ready, we're leaving in an hour," she says to me.

"What? It's 6 a.m. I want to sleep!"

"We have to leave soon or we will hit traffic."

"Where are we even going?"

"I told you last night, your aunt's place."

"You never said anything! That's like 10 hours away!"

"Exactly, that's why you have to get up NOW."

"I really don't like you."

"But I love you so GET UP!"

My aunt lives up north. Now, when I say up north, I mean UP north. We leave
around 8 in the morning. I barely get enough time to send Noah a text
message telling him I'm going out of town. Now, the only good thing about
the long drive is I get to spend time with my mom. Mostly we talk about
school and how I am doing. She is pleased to know I am doing well and will
get mostly A's. Then we turn to the conversation I dread the most.

"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your
conversation with your girlfriend," she says to me.

"That's okay."

"It sounds like you are getting serious with this girl. What is her name
again?"

I choose to ignore the second part of the question. "Um, it's going okay
mom."

"You said you love her Jordan. It sounds serious."

"I was just talking generically; you know how you say you love someone in
passing, it was like that ... it doesn't mean much."

"In my day when someone told someone they loved them, it meant a lot."

"Well you're old. Times have changed."

"Don't try to be smart with me. This isn't just any girl. So when do I get
to meet her?"

"Um, dunno. Not yet. It's still early. And it really isn't that serious. I
don't want you to scare them away." Key word 'them' not 'her'.

"If you say so ... oh, and Jenn, that's her name. Right?"

Shit. Time to change the topic. "An exit is coming up. We should probably
stop and find a place to have lunch."

"Sure, that's a good idea."

That was way too close. I need to stop avoiding her questions so obviously
or she will get suspicious! Damn, why does my mom have to be so
inquisitive! I usually tell her about my relationships. I've always been
close to my mom since it was just the two of us while I was growing up. But
I just can't tell her about Noah. Not yet. Not now. I need to understand
what's going on myself. Our relationship is still developing, it's still
growing. I need to know where I stand first.

We finally arrive at my aunt's place around 9 o'clock at night. After
eating dinner my cousins start bugging me to play with them. There are
three of them, two boys and a girl, ages two, four and six. They are
absolutely adorable. We spend most of the night building things with Lego,
watching Dora or SpongeBob, and all sorts of other activities I haven't
done in a very, very long time. We don't see each other often which is why
when we do meet they get attached really quickly. The two older ones also
really look up to me. I'm their big brother who lives in the city, which is
an amazing concept to them. They ask me all these questions, and show me
all the things they do in school, what they've learned. I'm like a role
model to these kids. The funny thing is they have no clue how messed up I
am, or how messed up most adults are, I should say. They finally went to
bed at 2 a.m. after I read them not one, not two, but three bed time
stories (one for each of them). After that I crash onto the couch and pull
out my phone, my first chance since we got there. I try sending Noah a text
message but of course my luck, no reception.

The next few days are extremely busy. The closest major city is half an
hour away and we usually are there every single day. We go shopping, out
for lunch, to the movies. Plus I'm spending lots of time with the kids. My
aunt usually is here alone with them so I can tell she desperately needs a
break. I seem to have become the de facto baby sitter. I don't mind though,
I like kids. I've always wanted to have a few of my own. And these kids are
very well disciplined which helps. I can't stand kids who whine all the
time. Overall, so far it has been a good trip, but there is one major
problem. I haven't spoken to Noah even once. I tried a few times to send
him a text but that didn't work, and then my phone battery ran out.

It doesn't help that I forgot my phone adapter at home. So the last time I
had any contact with Noah was in the afternoon when I sent him a message
while we had pulled over to eat. I had told him my mom was asking lots of
questions about my dating life. It has now been a few days and he probably
thinks I ran away. I don't want him to think I am avoiding him because of
what happened at the airport, or because he told me he loves me. This is
not the way I wanted my holidays to start. I was already upset that I would
be away from him for so long. Now this on top isn't good. I really hope he
understands.

While I hate not talking to Noah, the separation to a degree has been a
good thing. It has given me time to think. On the few occasions I have time
to myself I am consumed by the thought of us. While I was in the city with
him it was different, we were living in our own world. Now I am out of
that, away from him, and it is allowing me to get some perspective. I
always thought about what my family would say if or when they found
out. Now that I am actually with them I am really worried about what they
will think. I have no clue if they will accept me or still love me the same
way. It bothers me because I don't want to lose my family. My mother is all
I have and if she abandoned me I would be heart broken. I've also given
more thought about if this is going too fast. Moving in with Noah will be a
big, big step. I'm not sure I am ready for that. Say if it turns out to be
a disaster. He is so clean, I am so messy. Say if he can't stand my
annoying habits. Say if we break up. Then what would I do? I couldn't go
back to the dorms and I would be screwed. I'm not sure this is such a good
idea.

After a few days we head back home. My mom has to work tomorrow so we have
to leave, otherwise I think she would have liked to stay longer. My mom was
only able to get the week before Christmas off. She is working most days
next week including on Christmas Day.

"When I get home," I say to my mom, "I am going to fall asleep and not wake
up for three days - so don't bug me."

"Fine. You deserve it. It's been a busy few days."

"I'll say! And whose fault is that?"

"Is it a crime for a mother to want to spend some time with her son?"

"No, but I'm on my school breaks. I want some time to relax too."

"Didn't you have fun though?"

"I did. It was nice to get away from civilization and see the kids
again. And it was nice spending time with you as well."

"You seemed distracted at times," she says to me.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"You seemed lost in thought, like your mind was somewhere else."

True, I was thinking of Noah a fair bit and our kiss, but it couldn't have
been that obvious. "Nope, I think old age is getting to you. Anyway, so
what are we doing for Christmas this year? I know you're working most of
the day but I thought we could do something at night."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that," she says to me.

"Okay ..."

"Your father wants you to spend Christmas with him this year."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why, he is your father."

"And because of that I am wasting a week with him after as it is. I'm not
spending Christmas with him too."

"Spending time with your father is not wasting your time," she says to me
in a stern voice.

"It is to me. I don't want to go in the first place, I'm only going because
you forced me too. I spent a few weeks there this summer. He's lucky he
gets another week as it is."

"He's your father Jordan. He's not well. This is the time you have to spend
with him."

"Where was he all these past years? He never once cared where I spent my
time or with whom so why now?"

"Sometimes you only realize your mistakes many years later."

"Has he realized them though? He doesn't care. It's because he's sick and
he made poor health choices, so now he needs us. His girlfriends have all
left him and he's all alone."

"Jordan ..."

"I don't even understand you. You hate the man yourself ..."

"I don't hate him. We just don't get along. We're different people."

"You don't want to see him, yet you force me to go? I thought most people
who get divorced hate the other person and keep their children away from
the other one. Whatever happened to parental alienation? I didn't see him
for years. YEARS. Why now?"

"There comes a time in your life sometimes Jordan when you look back and
you wish you had done things differently. You have regrets. I don't want
you to ever have regrets. I want you to know your father. I'm not angry
with him. We had our fights and our break up but I've moved on. He left and
made bad decisions. He should have contacted you more when you were a
child. I get that. But he realizes his mistakes now. And he is trying to
make amends. I don't want you to grow up with hate in your heart for him or
for anyone."

"I ..." I start to talk but she cuts me off.

"I don't want to argue with you. Whatever you decide is fine. Just let me
know soon."

"Fine."

Neither of us says anything for the rest of the trip. We drive along in
silence.

*** NOAH ***

"Are you going to be depressed ALL day?" Jenn asks me in a mock, annoyed
tone.

"Who said I'm depressed?" What is she talking about? I'm fine, weirdo.

"Well, for one, your face."

I glare back at her. "Stop being annoying. You know I'm perfectly fine."

"Well you look mopey, like someone just ran over your dog ... repeatedly."

"Whatever Jenn." I say back to her.

"You should be thrilled, you're going back home today."

"I am happy. Should be a nice break," I say to her.

"Do you think you will get the speech?" she asks me.

"Absolutely." She's talking about the failure speech my dad gives me all
the time. "It wouldn't be a trip home without one."

"But that's not why you're mopey."

"I'm not mopey!!" What is wrong with this girl!?

She starts to grin. Great. "Aaah, you miss Jordan."

"He's only been gone for a week."

"And you're already counting the days. How sweet. Oh, how wonderful young
love can be. Your heart is aching for him." She says this in an
over-the-top dramatic tone, complete with hand gestures.

"The only thing my heart is aching for ... is for you to shut up."

It's true I do miss Jordan. But I'm not admitting that to Jenn. That would
just give her more ammunition to use against me. This is the longest Jordan
and I have been apart since we started dating. I miss his company. His
lips. His body. Damn it! It's only been a week! He left last Monday and I
still have three more weeks to go! I guess it doesn't help that I am bored
out of my mind! My final exam was on Friday, but I'm not leaving until
tonight. Studying alone all the time just made me remember him ... and that
made me horny ... and then the next thing I knew I was hard with my pants
around my ankles ... and yeah ... I jerked off way too many times in the
past few days.

"You can fight it all you want Noah, I can see it in your eyes, you miss
him," she says.

"Sure ..." I nod back to her.

"How is Jordan doing anyway?" she asks me.

"I'm not really sure."

"Why is that?"

"I haven't spoken to him in several days."

"Is everything okay? Is that why you're so mopey?"

"I'm not mopey! And everything is fine. Last I heard from him he was going
up north to visit his aunt."

"Oh. When is he back home?"

"I don't know."

"So have you heard from him since?"

"Nope."

"Did you try calling him?"

"Wow that's a great idea!" I say sarcastically, "Of course I tried
calling. His phone has been off."

"Maybe he doesn't get reception up there."

"Perhaps," I say.

"You sure everything is okay?"

"I'm sure Jenn."

I think I'm sure. The problem is it's not like him to just vanish for a few
days. I'm sure everything will be fine. He's not avoiding me. He can't be
avoiding me. After what happened at the airport there is no way he would
avoid me. Or maybe that's exactly why he was avoiding me. I've gone over
this in my head several times now. Maybe it was too much. Maybe I scared
him away. Or maybe he just is busy and hasn't had time to check his
messages, or his emails, or his voice mail. I think I might have left him
too many messages. I don't want to come across desperate but I am
worried. Maybe something happened to him while he was going up north. I
even started looking at local newspapers in the region to make sure but
there were no car accidents. All I can do is wait.

"Oh, I'm sure everything is fine," Jenn says. "You don't share a moment
like the one you two had and then run away."

Of course I told Jenn what happened. I went to her place straight from the
airport. I had to tell someone; I was so flush with excitement. Her face
went all red and she was giddy with excitement. Even though Jenn doesn't
act very emotional - or well, a typical girl - she is really into the whole
idea of love, and romance and all that Disney fairytale stuff. Of course
she will never admit that though.

"I hope not," I say.

"Besides it really is a great sign. It was a huge leap forward for him."

"It was, and for me too. I think he is getting more comfortable with being
gay."

"So do you think he is ready to come out?" she asks.

I pause for a moment. "I'm not sure. I think the two of us are still in
this bubble where we are just enjoying each other's company. We're still
figuring out what this all means. And I think it's worked well because we
have kept it private. Going public is a completely different challenge and
I'm not sure we are ready for that yet. Plus, I'm not sure I am even ready
to come out yet."

"But you've known you're gay for so long now. You have a boyfriend who is
crazy about you. So what's stopping you?"

"You're right; I have known for a while now. Though, it's not like I
accepted it all the time. There were many times I went back and forth in my
mind. I always just thought I could date a girl again. But if I tell
everyone ... that changes everything. There is no undo button, I can't take
it back. And besides it's not everyone's business who I sleep with."

"But don't you feel like you are sure and that this is permanent?" she asks
me.

"I do. In my heart I know it's true. When I'm with Jordan, when we're
together it feels, it feels right ... it feels natural."

"So then what's the problem?" she asks.

"Losing him. If he goes back to dating girls ... or just leaves me. I guess
not coming out is my exit strategy or my plan B."

"But he's not going to leave you, look how strong your relationship is."

"Even 20 year-old marriages fall apart. Nothing is written in stone. Now
that's not to say I am worried. A small, small part of me is, but it's not
like before when I really had no idea how this would turn out. I am much,
much more confident and I'm at a good place in terms of my sexuality,
better than I have ever been really. I know I'm gay - I really do - and I
am okay with that, or well, more than that I am happy with that. I think I
will come out at some point, just not yet. I could stress myself out
thinking about all of this until all my hair falls out, or enjoy what I
have - and that's what I'm doing. There will come a time when Jordan and I
talk about coming out and we will cross that bridge together."

"I'm not trying to pressure you in any way ..."

I cut her off. "I know. It's good to talk about this from time to time. I
know you mean well. And of course the other big thing - my parents. I just
can't even begin to imagine how they would react ..."

"Yeah, they are quite conservative."

"Quite conservative? Dude, I think that's the biggest understatement of the
year!"

"You'll have to tell them eventually."

"I will ... when I'm 50."

"Yeah right, your mom is already bugging you to find a nice girl and settle
down and get married."

"I know. Now that my siblings are married she wants me to get married soon
too. It's really annoying. Another reason why I like being far away from
them."

"Can you imagine what your mom would say if you told her you found a spouse
and then came home with Jordan?"

"I think her jaw would detach from her face and hit the floor ... and then
I would be banished for life. I'm honestly screwed ..."

"It's not that bad, and besides you'll always have me by your side."

"As I said, I'm screwed."

"Fuck you smart ass."

"I kid of course. I couldn't function without you Jenn."

"And don't worry, everything will be fine with Jordan."

"I'm not worried. Besides sometimes a little bit of time apart is a good
thing. We've spent a lot of time together in the past few weeks. And I'll
be spending a lot more time with him next semester when he moves in as it
is."

The words are barely out of my mouth when Jenn shouts. "What!? You're
living together!"

"Uh, yeah ... I told you that on Monday."

"No you didn't," she argues.

"Yes I did."

"Uh, no you did not."

"I did."

"Did not. Trust me I would remember that."

"You're losing your memory. Yes I did."

This goes on for a few minutes. I know I told her. She is delusional. Of
course I told her. How could I have forgotten to tell her? Hmmm, did I tell
her? Shit, I might not have. I was so excited about the kiss and was
rambling on and on about that. Crap, I didn't tell her. Well, I've come
this far and can't admit defeat now.

"It doesn't matter, your wrong," I say to her. "But yes, Jordan is moving
in with me next semester."

"That's big."

"I know."

"How did that come about?"

"After he told me he loved me I asked him."

"Wow, that's quite the leap in a couple of minutes."

"I know. I just blurted it out without thinking. I hope this isn't all
going too fast for him."

"It will be an interesting experience for both of you, no doubt. But it
will be good. I think it will help you both get comfortable with each
other."

"I hope so," I say to her.

"That reminds me, your gift!"

"Jenn you didn't have to."

"Yes I did. Here, I think you'll like it."

I reach into my bag and pull out a gift for her as well. "And this is for
you."

"See you broke the no gift rule too." Both of us had made a pact not to buy
gifts for each other because usually by now funds are starting to run
low. But like last year we both broke the pact.

"I think you will really like your gift, especially since Jordan is not
here," she says to me with that evil smile.

"And why is that?" There is always something sinister going on in her
head. I don't fully trust her. She is way too crazy.

"Just open it."

Okay then. I rip off the wrapping paper and open the box and smile. Only
Jenn.

---

So I've got my clothes. Check. Presents are packed. Check. I have my
wallet. Check. My keys. Check. Anything else? I don't think so. It barely
takes me 10 minutes to pack. I don't really need to take much back home. I
have tons of clothes there already. Alright, so now what do I do? It's only
2 o'clock in the afternoon. I don't have to be at the airport until 6. So I
have four whole hours to kill. What to do, what to do. I look at the box
sitting on my night stand. No. I can't believe Jenn actually got me that. I
would never use it. It's just so weird. Okay what to do. I'll read! I grab
a book and jump onto my bed. I start reading but my eyes keep drifting to
the box on the table. I was flabbergasted when I opened the box. Not in a
million years did I think Jenn would get me this. I got her perfume! I
wonder what it would feel like. I've seen guys use them before. Maybe I'll
try it for just for a few seconds. Lord knows I could really use it. I walk
over towards my night stand and grab the box. I can't believe Jenn got me a
dildo. I'm about to open the lid when my phone rings. It's
Jordan. Finally. My heart beat kicks into high gear.

"Hello?" I say picking up, trying to suppress the excitement in my voice.

"I am so sorry Noah."

"It's good to hear your voice Jordan. Where have you been?"

"Up north. I forgot my phone charger at home and I had no reception. I just
got your messages now. I wasn't avoiding you. I really tried to contact you
but I couldn't, honestly. I'm really, really sorry."

"That's okay, I understand. How was your trip?" I ask. I believe him. The
desperation in his voice to make me believe him feels real. He really is
sorry.

"Hectic, crazy, busy, exhausting and lonely without you. Are you angry?"

"No, I'm not angry. I'm just relieved you're okay. I started thinking of
all these scenarios and thought you might be hurt or something."

"I'm totally fine. I've been such a jerk. I promise I'll make this up to
you somehow."

"Well I won't argue with that. I know many ways you can make this up to
me."

"Oh my friend so do I," Jordan says.

The way he says that makes me so horny for him. Alright switch topics. "So
when did you get back?"

"Last night, around 1 in the morning."

"It's now 2 p.m., yet you sound exhausted."

"I just woke up a few minutes ago," he laughs, "I haven't even gotten out
of bed yet."

"Lazy bum. So did you at least have fun on your trip?" I ask.

"I did. It was good to get away and see my family. My mom made me do a
million things and wanted to spend every second with me."

"Well she doesn't get to see you that much so it makes sense."

"True, but I really missed you and not talking to you.  The good thing
though is I got some time to think about us and how our relationship is
moving forward."

"And how do you feel?" I nervously ask him.

"I feel good. This is fast Noah but it feels right. Both of us don't know
what we are doing; I have no prior knowledge of how a gay relationship
works. But with you I feel safe. I trust you and I am okay with just seeing
where this goes. The fact that you love me means the world to me, it truly
does. What that does is that reinforces that trust I have in you, and I
hope it reinforces the trust you have in me. I don't think it means we
shout it out to the world yet, and that's not because I am ashamed, but
because I want to see how this develops with you first. Does that make
sense?"

"It does. And I do trust you."

"What scares me though is rushing this. So far everything we have done
seems to have been natural. Living together will be a big step. You get to
know a person on a whole different level," Jordan says.

"I want to get to know you at that level."

"So do I, but I'm messy, you're not. Say if we fight about if I leave my
socks on the couch or something, or I don't wash my dishes. I don't want to
lose you over something so trivial."

"You won't lose me over a pair of socks. But I understand what you mean. I
think Jordan that we have to have faith in each other, and trust each
other. We will have to compromise and see if we really click. I think this
will really help us figure out if we are right for each other."

"And say if it turns into a disaster?" he argues.

"Sometimes you have to take risks. The big question is do you want to live
with me?"

"Yes, more than anything. I would be able to experience the same feeling I
get when I wake up next to you every single day. At night I would always be
able to hold you close. And of course we would be able to have a lot more
fun in bed together. I just can't bear the thought of losing you."

Holy crap he is making me so horny. I am really hard now. "You've taken so
many risks with this relationship. You've jumped in the deep end many times
and you didn't sink. Just close your eyes and jump in again," I say.

"You're sure you want me to move in with you?"

"More than anything in the world."

"I really do love you."

"I know. So is that a yes?" I ask nervously.

"That's a yes." Finally I hear a smile in his voice!

"You won't regret this. I think you'll really enjoy living together."

"I hope so. And if anything bad happens I blame you."

"It will all be fine. I'm so glad you're back and we can finally talk."

"I'm not back for long."

"Why?"

"My dad wants me to spend Christmas with him this year."

"Oh, I thought you were going after Christmas?"

"So did I, but he wants me to come before."

"And how do you feel about that?"

He pauses. "I don't know. I had a fight with my mom about it already. She
wants me to go." His voice sounds so defeated.

"And what do you want?"

"I ... I don't know. I don't want to go."

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because he was never there for me when I needed him, so why should I be
there for him when he needs me now? Every year when I was a kid I would see
families together during the holidays, or you know those school functions,
concerts and plays and stuff like that. Families would always come together
to see their kids. My mom would come alone to everything. Even when I was
in high school she worked many nights but would really try to be there for
my volleyball games. She had to fulfill two roles. And my dad, he was never
there like everyone else's dad. He was off living his own life, fucking
whoever he could find. So, I've lived my life without him and I don't need
him now."

"Jordan, I don't know what that's like and I don't want to even pretend to
know what you're going through or went through. The thing is that maybe
this visit and spending time with him is more for you, and not really about
him," I say.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"I mean that you should take this opportunity for yourself. We all have to
answer for our own actions in the end. And at the end of the day, you being
there for your family, supporting them in their time of need, that just
makes you a better person. And maybe it will help bridge a new relationship
with your father."

"You sound just like my mom. I spent weeks with him in the summer. We don't
get along. We are different people. He's nothing like me; he doesn't even
know me," Jordan says angrily.

"So maybe this is a chance for him to get to know you."

"It's not easy just letting go of the past."

"I know it's not. But you're a good guy with a good heart."

"I hate you."

"Why?"

"Because I was hoping you would be on my side and give me good reasons not
to go."

"Of course I'm on your side and will support you no matter what you
decide. But I have to tell you what I truly think too. So are you going to
go?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure. I'm just really angry still."

"Fair enough. If there is anything I can do to help let me know."

"Can you fast forward time so it's January already?"

I laugh. "Sorry man as much as I would love to, I can't do that."

"Well then you're not much of a boyfriend are you?"

"I guess not. Don't you need to censor your words? Where's your mom?"

"At work. House to myself, so I can blab all I want. I can yell I have a
boyfriend at the top of my lungs and no one will know," he jokes.

"That's good. But remember even the walls have ears."

"My mom's been asking about my dating life a lot."

"And what did you tell her?" I ask him out of curiosity.

"That I am dating but I don't go into any specifics, and change the topic a
lot. It feels wrong lying to my mom, I feel sort of guilty."

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because you're not someone I want to hide, or someone I should hide. But I
can't tell her about you. Life is unfair. How is it that you can tell
someone you love them, but then have to hide that relationship from the
world?"

"I know how you feel. I leave for the airport in a few hours and I know my
parents are going to ask me too."

"And what will you say?" he asks.

"Last they knew I wasn't dating anyone so I think that's just the easiest
thing to say. I'm not happy about it but I can't tell them about you, not
yet."

"I wish this were easier."

"It's life, it's not meant to be easy."

"At least you have Jenn. I don't have anyone," he says.

"You have me."

"You don't count; I meant a friend."

"What about John?"

"I've thought about that, I've thought about it a lot actually, but I don't
know."

"I thought you were good friends?"

"We are, but I, I just don't know if I can tell him. I have this uneasy
feeling about it. Either he won't understand, or I don't know. I'm not sure
I can trust him. It's funny this whole process has made me really think
about who my true friends are," Jordan says.

We talk for a while longer. Throughout the conversation Jordan's voice
feels flat. He is dealing with so much, his father, being in the closet,
not having anyone to lean on. He also tells me his mom is dating
someone. He won't admit to it but I think this really scares him. At some
deep level within his mind, he has this fear his mom will move on and just
like his dad, abandon him. I know he doesn't believe that will actually
happen, but somewhere in him there is this fear. He is dealing with so
much, then there is the same dejection in his voice when talking about our
relationship. He feels just as torn as I do. We've come so far in our
relationship yet we still are in many ways at stage one. I may not be able
to help him with time travel, but there is something else I can do.

"So you said you're all alone right?" I ask Jordan.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, just trying to show you how good of a boyfriend I can be."

"How so?"

"Just close your eyes and relax," I tell him.

"Why?"

"Why are you so suspicious? Just do as I say."

He laughs. "Fine."

"Now imagine I am there with you."

"Ooh, I like where this is going already É"

"Shh. No talking. I place my soft lips on yours, and slowly make you open
your mouth. Our warm tongues intertwine as I move in closer to your body. I
bring my hand to the back of your head, running it through your silky hair,
as we kiss deeply. All the while my other hand traces down your hard pecs,
over your abs and rests on your eagerly awaiting package. I stroke it
gently through your clothes, making it harder with each touch. I soon feel
your throbbing dick press against your clothes and move my second hand
down. I put my thumbs into your waistband and pull off your pants. That's a
cue to take off your pants."

"Way ahead of you."

"I then turn my attention to your dick, still trapped in your boxers."

"Who said I was wearing any?" he says jokingly.

"Wow, you really are ahead of me. Fine," I continue in what I can only hope
is a sexy voice. "Once I see your freed manhood I wrap it around my
fingers, and start to slowly move my hand up and down. With each push a
little more pre-cum oozes out from the top. I lower my head and lick the
top of your dick, tasting you. You shiver with excitement as the warmth of
my breath penetrates inside your skin. I tease you, licking the top a few
times before engulfing your cock into my mouth. I move down rapidly,
lavishing your dick with my tongue. I taste each and every inch as you
start to feel the intensity rising in your body." As I say this I move my
own hand down to my own dick which is hard as a rock. "My hands meanwhile
roam over your body, feeling you, massaging you. I run my tongue along the
rim of your dick, across the slit and back down again. I move to your
balls, and taste each one in turn. But of course I don't forget your prized
possession, your magnificent cock, I have to keep that hard for the next
act."

"Fuck Noah you're good ... I'm really hard," Jordan pants.

"Don't cum just yet; I'm far from done. I can feel the tension in your dick
so I lay off. I grab some lube from the counter and spread it around my
hole, and then around your erection. As I look into your eyes, and see the
mischievous smile on your face, I lower myself down, easing you into me.
The head pops in and I slowly sit down. I grab the backboard to steady
myself, and slowly lift myself up back again. After taking a few seconds to
adjust I start to ride you; and I mean ride you. My ass slaps across your
skin constantly as our bodies heave in sweat. With each thrust I press down
harder, burying your magnificent dick deep inside my ass. You start to meet
my thrusts and push into me harder, and faster, and harder, and deeper as I
scream out your name. The intensity is rising in your body, I can feel it,
I can hear it through your staggered breath. I move away from your cock,
and bring my hands to it. I start to jack you off with rapid intensity. You
start to get closer and I slow down almost to a snail's pace. I let your
body relax. I let your body ease. And then without any notice I start
again, I run my hand up and down your beautiful cock, jerking you off
feverishly."

"Fuck, I'm there ... shit," Jordan gasps. "Oh ... whoa ... you're good," he
says in-between breaths.

The sound of him takes me over the top too, as cum starts to erupt from my
dick. After I catch my breath I say to him, "wow that was fast."

"Dude, I hadn't jerked off in days."

"Told ya I was a good boyfriend," I say in a smug tone.

"The very best. Thanks I needed that -- but now I even want you more!"

"Well this is as close as you're going to get for a while, so savour it my
friend. Now go clean up. I have a flight to catch." And now a shower to
take too.

---

Nostalgia is a funny thing. You yearn to go back to a time when you thought
you were happy, when you thought all was well. A nostalgic feeling to
return home perhaps. It's funny because that feeling really isn't always
mirrored in reality is it? You remember only parts of the past, not the
whole past. You remember the good parts and because you're so homesick you
omit some of the bad parts. And yet when you do go back to that supposed
happy place, you remember why you left in the first place, and how that
happy place really isn't all that happy.

I miss my home, my mom, dad, siblings, my room, my bed. I like spending
time with my family. They are good people. We get along very well, for the
most part. They care for me and I care for them deeply too. Yet sometimes
their idea of what is best for me isn't really what is best for me. There
are many reasons why I'm glad sometimes I am so far away from them. Like
for instance the first night I got there. We had just finished having
dinner and my siblings, who are home for the holidays, had gone upstairs to
put their children to bed. I was sitting in the family room flipping
through the TV channels looking for something to watch when my dad comes
into the room to join me.

"How were your exams?" he asks me.

"Good, I think I did well on all of them."

"Well, as in?"

"As in I'll probably get A's in most of my classes."

"And this is your third year right?"

"Yes, after this semester, another year and them I'm done."

"And have you thought about what you will do after that?" he asks.

And here is the conversation. "I've given it some thought, but I haven't
decided anything yet. I'm thinking I might go for my masters."

"In history?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe," he repeats the word in a tone that reflects how disappointed he
is. "And what exactly will you do with a master's degree in history?"

"There are many options. I think I could eventually work towards getting my
PhD and then go into teaching."

"You think Noah? You're almost done with school and you don't know what
you're doing with your life. You've wasted enough time exploring what you
like to do. You need to get serious now and figure this out."

"I haven't wasted any time," I argue.

"Have you given any thought to law school?"

"Yes, I got your e-mail." My dad had sent me an e-mail listing different
schools I could apply to, or wait, that I SHOULD apply to. He is of the
notion that only certain fields will make good careers including law or
engineering. The ship sailed on engineering a long time ago so he is now
trying to push law.

"And?" he probes.

"And, we've had this conversation before; I don't want to go to law
school."

"And so you'll just support your family on whatever income a historian
makes."

"There are many options out there for me right now," I reply.

"Are there? Look at the job market, the unemployment numbers that keep
coming out. Jobs are being cut Noah and you need skills you can actually
take to the bank, not a degree that isn't worth the paper it's printed on."

Relax. No point in fighting with him. Breathe. "I like what I'm doing and I
can make a career for myself."

"Be realistic."

We always have this conversation. It never ends well. "I'm not a failure."

"I never said you were one."

"You treat me like I am."

"No, I think you have potential. You're smart and you know that. You get
high marks in whatever you try. You can do almost anything with your life
yet you decide to waste that potential on a dead end degree."

"And actually being happy with what I do, does that not matter?"

"It matters. But you could enjoy so many other careers. Just think about
what I said Noah. You'll come to a point in your life when you have a wife
and children and realize you need to provide for them, a house, mortgage,
car, food. You will realize then what I said is right."

"I'll think about it. I'm going to go to bed," I say.

"Think about it. It's time to get serious. If you don't then I'm not sure
your mom and I can continue to fund your education."

Wow, so that's what it comes down to. "Have a good night."

I don't know why I argue with him. We have this conversation all the
time. And now the rest of my trip is going to be awkward because I won't
really speak to my father properly. I spend most of the night tossing and
turning in bed. I know he is right to a degree. I do need to figure out
what I want to do with my life in terms of my career plan. But it's so
hard! I have no clue what I want to do or what I should be doing. I just
find there is so much pressure from my parents to do what they want me to
do and that makes it so much harder to actually think clearly. Around 6 in
the morning I give up and get out of bed. I decide to go downstairs where I
find my mom. She is the only one up; everyone else is sleeping.

"Good morning hun."

"Morning mom."

"You're up early," she comments.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," I reply.

"You're dad means well."

"I know mom. And please I really don't want to talk about that right now."

"Okay. Do you want something to eat?"

"I'll just grab some cereal."

"So, how is Jenn doing?" she asks me.

"She's good." My parents know all about Jenn. She has even visited me here.

"Did she go home for the holidays this year?"

"No not this year, she stayed on campus. Her parents are out of town
because they're spending the holidays with her brother. So there was no
point for her to go home."

"You should have brought her here."

"I asked her, but she wouldn't come."

"That's too bad. I really like her. I always thought you two would make a
good couple."

"Mom you know we're just friends."

"Just saying, she's a beautiful, bright girl who seems to really like you
too."

"Yeah ..." I've had this conversation with my mom several times. It never
ends well. And it looks like I am about to have another conversation I
dread.

"Are you seeing anyone at all right now?" she continues.

"No, I'm not." And there's the guilt Jordan was talking about. This is
harder than I thought it would be.

"Well then I have the perfect match for you, my friend Beth's daughter,
Sophia."

"Uh-huh ..."

"She's single too. You're both the same age, and she is really cute. Do you
want her number?"

"Um, no I'm okay."

"Trust me, look her up on that site you are always go on, Face something or
whatever."

"Facebook."

"Yes that one. If you see her picture you will want her number, trust me."

"I'll look it up later."

"I know that tone; you're not interested."

"I never said that. I'll let you know."

"Noah, you're almost done with school now and you should really think about
finding someone. Both your brother and sister found someone while in
university, and look how happy they are now."

"Yes mom I know you've told me about this many times before."

"It's just so much better to get married when you are young and to build a
life with someone, build it together. And then you wait a few years and
have kids."

Oh how I love talking to my mom about having kids. That was sarcasm, just
in case that wasn't clear.

"I'll let you know. But I'm not even here most of the year, how am I
supposed to get to know her?"

"You're here for a few days and then you visit from time to time. Just give
it a try, it won't hurt you. As you said you're not seeing anyone right now
as it is. Here, take this, it's her number. Call her okay."

"Fine." My mom had her number ready on a paper. Clearly this was a
conversation she had planned to have with me even before I got here.

So there is my mom who wants to find me a wife, and my dad who wants me to
change my career. I know they mean well but it can be suffocating at times
dealing with them.

*** JORDAN ***

I don't know why I agreed to this. I'm such a doormat. I give into whatever
anyone asks. I need to stand up for myself more. Right now I'm sitting on a
bus watching snow covered hills whiz by. I'm going to my dad's place. He
lives about 3 hours away from my mom. I was dead set against going, but
then I talked to Noah, and my mom again, and I just can't say no to
her. She really wants me to get along with my dad and get to know him
better. I'll give it another shot. But just one more shot. I tried once
before when I was here in the summer and that didn't work, and now I will
try it again. But if he doesn't make an effort this time, than I give
up. It will be over. And I will know that I tried and I won't feel guilty
and my mom will see there is no point at all. Some people just can't learn
to care about other people.

Mid-way through my angry rant in my head my phone rings. It's Aiden.

"Hey man," I say to him.

"Dude, what the fuck!"

"That's an interesting greeting," I say a bit shocked.

"I just called your house and your mom tells me you're on a bus!"

"Yeah, I'm on my way to my dad's house. Why?"

"I just got back from Australia last night! I thought you were home for a
few days."

"I thought so too but my dad wants to spend Christmas with me this year so
like an idiot I am going there now."

"Oh man, when do you get back?" he asks.

"Not until the 29th, and then I leave on the 10th to go back to school. So
I will still be there for a bit. When do you go back?" I ask him.

"Dude, you have terrible memory, I told you É "

My phone starts beeping. Who is calling me? It's Noah.

"Hey man sorry to interrupt, but can I call you back? I'm getting another
call."

"Okay, but call me back. I have something important to tell you."

"I will for sure. Thanks man. And Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas jerk. Take care."

I switch to the other line.

"Hey," I say to him. I don't want to say his name out loud since I am not
alone on the bus.

"Hi," he replies.

"How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"I'm okay. On a bus."

"You decided to go."

"Of course, I'm a pushover."

"You're not a pushover, you're a good person," Noah says.

"Same thing to me. How is your trip going?"

"Fine."

"And are you staying out of trouble?"

"Well, since the 'you're-wasting-your-life-speech' from my dad, I haven't
spoken much to him. My mom is still trying to set me up with that girl I
told you about."

"Oh, who is she again?"

"Her friend's daughter."

"Is she good looking?" I ask to annoy him.

"Extremely."

"More than me?"

"A hundred times more." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Well then, you can't let an opportunity like this pass you by."

"Jordan be serious. She keeps asking me if I called her!"

"So then tell her the truth."

"Yeah and get banished from here for life. No thanks. So what made you
change your mind? Last night when we talked you hadn't decided anything."

"I thought about what you said, but mainly because of my mom. I talked to
her again. She can be very persuasive."

"You're making the right decision," he says trying to reassure me.

"You better be right."

"Besides, it's only a few days."

"Yeah, but I will miss Christmas with my mom. And my friend Aiden just got
back from Australia and I won't even see him either! So this better be
worth it or I will be super pissed. Anyway Noah, my bus is pulling in. I'll
call you later okay?"

"Sure, have fun."

"I'll try."

I step off the bus into a cold winter's day. It isn't too bad out right
now, only about minus 5 degrees. It could be much, much worse, like minus
25 or something. I hate those days. Nonetheless it's cold and getting dark
outside. This is what I hate about winter the most, short days. Well the
first sign of how this trip is going to go isn't great. I've been here 10
minutes already and there is no sign of my dad. Typical. He always was late
picking me up from school and would give me very lame excuses. He didn't
even put any effort into making up something decent. Well this is the last
chance he gets from me, if it doesn't work this time it's over. I try
calling his cell phone but of course it's off. By the time he arrives the
sun is set and I am the only one left waiting at the bus station.

"Hey Jordan."

"Hi," I say getting into the car.

"Were you waiting long?"

"About an hour."

"I thought you said your bus was coming at 5?"

"4," I respond with indifference.

"You should have called me."

"I did, your phone is off."

"Oh, so how was the bus ride?"

Nice, no apology or anything. "It was fine."

"Okay. How is school?"

"Good."

"That's good," he says.

Wow, I've been with my dad for less than two minutes and he seems to have
already run out of things to say to me.

"How are you feeling now?" I ask him.

"I'm fine, doing much better."

"How are your tests, blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol?"

"Oh they're okay."

"Are they under control?" I ask him.

"They're better."

"Are they under control?"

"No," he says reluctantly.

"Are you even taking your medications?" The last time I came it turned out
my dad wasn't even taking his meds properly. He had reduced his doses
without consulting his doctor.

"Of course I am."

"You need to be careful, you don't want to have another heart attack."

"I won't, don't worry."

My dad had his first heart attack at the age of 50. He never did take good
care of his health. He ate unhealthy oily foods all the time. He started
gaining weight too. One day about a year ago we got a phone call that he
was in the hospital. It was a mild attack but was still enough to knock him
off his feet for a while. So that's why last summer I went to spend some
time with him while he recovered. He barely made any progress because he
wouldn't do any of his exercises or go to rehab. It was frustrating dealing
with him because he just didn't seem to care. And it seems now he doesn't
care either.

"Have you been following up with your doctor?" I ask him.

"Yes Jordan, I can take care of myself."

I have to bite my lip at that one. There are so many things I could say, so
many things I want to say but I won't. I'll be the bigger person, even if
it kills me! "I know you can, that's not what I meant. I just want to make
sure you are doing okay."

"I'm fine."

The rest of the car trip is spent in silence. Good thing it is only a short
ride to his house.

---

I can't say I am disappointed with the visit to my dad's house. I had no
expectations so I really didn't get my hopes high. I knew how this would
be. We would make small talk here and there, he would ask me about school
and we would talk about sports. I knew he would ask me about my mom, and
like usual I would give him vague answers. I really hate talking to him
about my mom. If he really cares to know how she is doing he can pick up
the fucking phone and find out for himself. Besides those talking points,
there isn't much we talk about. The conversations are forced, the laughs
are contrived, it's all a show. I don't know who we are trying to fool.

The funny thing is he asked me to come before Christmas so he could spend
time with me. Well here I am on Christmas Eve, sitting on the couch
watching television. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my
holidays. Alone, cranky and bored. I'm watching the first season of Glee
because there really is nothing on. Noah gave me the DVD and told me the
show was funny, but I don't see where he is coming from. They sing way too
much for my taste. But desperate times calls for, well desperate
measures. So here I am watching the show. The problem is Noah is busy with
his own family right now, and so are pretty much all my friends, so I don't
even have anyone to talk to. I am sending texts to Noah regularly, but he
is only getting back to me periodically. His family does a bigger dinner on
Christmas Eve and so he is busy with that.

Speaking of dinner, there isn't anything to eat at home, or well anything I
want to eat that doesn't come in a can or frozen dish you can heat up. And
of course my dad has the car so I can't go and grab anything. I ended up
making myself a peanut butter sandwich, yum! Around 10 o'clock my dad
decides to come home. Where he was I have no idea.

"Hey Jordan."

"Hi."

"What are you up to?"

"Oh just watching television." I say with as much mock excitement I can
muster in my voice.

"Switch the channel," he says to me sitting down, "the news should be on
soon."

"I'm watching something."

He looks at the screen and starts making faces. "What the hell is this?"

They're doing a musical number right now. "It's a show, Glee."

"This is the type of shows you watch now?"

"I'm bored; I have nothing else to do."

"Then watch sports or something, not this stupid gay show. What the fuck is
that guy even wearing?"

He's talking about Kurt, the gay character on the show. I've known my dad
to be a bit racist; he grew up away from a diverse city, but I've never
really known his views on gay people, or well I don't think I've ever paid
attention. "Excuse me?" I reply.

"Those tight pants, and the dancing, he should dress and act like a man. So
many fags on TV now. This is what is ruining our kids."

"He is a man, and what's wrong with the way he is dressed? He is just
expressing himself," I say getting angry.

"Well he should express himself in the closet."

"What!?"

"I don't care who this guy wants to sleep with. I think it's wrong, but
whatever. I just don't need to see it all the time on television."

"They're showcasing the reality of the world we live in. There are many gay
people who live in this country."

"That's the problem with the media and the big cities you live in. They
showcase this stuff and kids think it's okay to choose to be gay."

"People don't choose to be gay, it's who they are."

"They need to get therapy."

"Excuse me?" Be calm. "You know what, watch your news, you might learn
something for once."

That man makes my blood boil sometimes. He is so arrogant. I can't believe
I am wasting my time here. So my dad is anti-gay, well that's helpful. I'm
not surprised, he is my dad. And I think I kind of always knew. But what
the fuck does it matter what he thinks of me? I don't care about his
opinion, he can fuck himself, and his stupid closed minded thinking. I'm
the fuckin' idiot who thought I could come here and things would be
different, that we would bond or something. There are still five days left
until I leave. I am going to go crazy!

I storm into my room and drop down onto my bed. I should go down there
right now and tell him I am gay. I should yell it at him. You have a gay
son! Take that. What do you think of me now? What you think I'm not a man?
You think something is wrong with me? You want me to get therapy too, huh?
You will get me fixed or something? Well what would you say if you knew I
was fucking a guy? I was fucking him several times a week. And he fucked me
too. Yeah, that's right, I took it up the ass, and I loved it. And I love
him and he loves me too. What do you say to that? I can't believe I am his
son. I can't. He is the one that needs therapy. He is the one that is
flawed and messed up. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Nothing. It's
who I am. And it's who I am going to be.

I wish I could call Noah right now. I wish I could call someone. I just
feel so alone and trapped in my mind sometimes. I can talk to Noah about
anything but not everything. I need another venue to express myself, like
he has with Jenn.

I pick up the phone and start dialling. I am going to tell him. I
should. He won't freak out like my dad. He has known me for years. He's my
best friend. He won't abandon me. It starts to ring. Fuck what the hell am
I doing? I quickly shut off the phone and toss it onto the bed. I can't
tell him. I can't lose his friendship.

I should go to bed and just forget about this night. I'll make my way
through the next few days somehow and then I will be free. I close my eyes
and try falling asleep but it's no use. I am so angry. I want to scream. I
want to pound my fist into the wall or break something. Even though I don't
admit it, a part of me thought maybe this time would be different with my
dad. I do have so much anger built up towards him but there is a part of me
that just wants to have a normal relationship with him. I did have this
small hope within me that this would work, that things would have
changed. When people have near death experiences sometimes they change and
they realize what they did was wrong. But even having a heart attack didn't
change my dad. He is still the same guy.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but I am up around 4 in the morning. I
look outside the window and see the snow falling. A white
Christmas. Usually I am super excited at this time; the kid inside of me
takes over my body. But today that excitement is all gone. By 5 I make my
way downstairs into the empty and dark family room. There is no tree or
stockings or anything. I just sit there in the dark waiting for my dad to
come down. I bought him a watch. I know it's not very thoughtful, but it
makes sense, maybe he will be on time for things now. Looking around the
house there is no sign it's the holidays. The room has no warmth or joy. My
dad was never big on Christmas even when my parents were married. My mom
usually bought the gifts. When they got divorced it became difficult to
celebrate Christmas. Because we had a tight budget, our gifts were never
outlandish, but my mom always found a way to make everything special. She
really does know how to stretch a dollar. Her creativity and her effort is
what I love the most. It doesn't feel like Christmas without her.

Sitting here it just reminds me of the contempt that started to foster in
my heart for my dad from an early age. I vowed to myself I would never
treat my children the way he treated me. I would always be there for their
sporting games, concerts and whenever they needed me. We would go on family
trips together and spend the weekends doing some sort of an activity. I
would be their friend, just like my mom is to me. That's part of the reason
why I love spending time with my cousins. I like that they look up to me. I
like knowing that I am there for them, that they love me, that they have a
role model they can look up to. I never had a male role model to look up to
when I was a kid. And what makes me sad now is I'm not sure I will ever
have a little one who will look up to me. That's the hardest part of being
gay, not having my own kids. I always pictured I would be sitting by the
Christmas tree in some terribly ugly sweater, my arm around my wife, and
our two little kids, a boy and a girl, eagerly tearing up the wrapping
paper on their gifts. But now that dream seems blurry. I can see myself
sitting beside Noah, but that would be it. We could get a surrogate, but
that wouldn't be our child together. Or we could always adopt but that
wouldn't be our child smiling in front of us. Would I love them like I
would love my own child? I don't know.

I just sit there staring at the wall for a while with a heavy heart, until
my phone starts to buzz. I pick it up and smile.

"Merry Christmas Grumpy."

It's from Noah.

"Merry Christmas :) You're up early."

I'm surprised to hear from him at this hour. It's what, like 2 a.m. where
he is. Stupid time zones.

"Couldn't sleep. Was thinking of you," he replies.

"I was thinking of you too."

"How was Xmas Eve?"

"Eventful, I'll fill you in later. You?"

"Good. Zero family fights."

"That's good," I say.

"It's only on time delay, it will resume soon. I hope you're getting along
with your dad."

"Barely. But I'll live."

"Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine," I reply.

"Ok. I'm going back to bed. I'll call you later today okay?"

"Sure. Merry Xmas."

"Merry Xmas to you too."

"I love you." I really feel like holding him right now.

"Love you too."

Only two more weeks until I am back on campus and away from all of this. I
really can't wait. Once I am back with Noah it will all makes sense
again. That happiness will return in me. When I am with him we can figure
it out together.

A short while later I get a text message from Aiden.

"Merry Christmas! Sorry I missed your call last night. Give me a shout when
you have a chance."

Right I remember calling him last night. Now that my head has cooled down I
am glad he never answered. I'm not sure if I would have told him or not, my
brain wasn't really in the right place. Eventually I will tell
him. Eventually.

Soon after that my mom calls me.

"Merry Christmas Jordan."

"Merry Christmas mom. Are you heading out to work soon?"

"In half an hour. How is your trip going?"

"Good." I don't like lying to my mom, but no point in ruining her Christmas
too.

"Are you getting along with your dad?"

I know if I tell her the truth she will be upset. "Yes."

"You're lying."

"What, why do you say that?"

"I'm your mom Jordan, I know."

"It's fine. He is the same as he always was."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault. You don't have to apologize for him; he is
responsible for his own actions."

"You know you can come home early if you want, right?"

"I know mom. I might just do that. I'll see."

"Let me know okay? And try to have a good Christmas. I love you."

"Love you too mom. Bye."

After talking to my mom I fall asleep on the couch for a while. I wake up
around noon to the sound of my father thumping down the stairs.

"Hey, did I wake you?" he asks me.

"No, Merry Christmas," I say to him.

"Merry Christmas Jordan."

"Here I got this for you." I hand over the package to him.

"A watch É I already have one."

"I know, but this is new and I thought you would like it."

"Thanks it's very nice."

"Hold on I have your gift somewhere. Here."

He hands me a poorly wrapped package. It's a sweater. Yay, just what I
always wanted. And it's two sizes too big.

"Thanks dad."

"You're welcome. So what are your plans for today?"

"Um, you tell me, you invited me here."

"Right, well tonight I am going over to my friend's house for dinner. You
are more than welcome to join us."

"I'm sorry, you're ditching me on Christmas?"

"I'm not ditching you, you're invited too."

That's it. The gloves come off.

"Why did you invite me here?"

"Excuse me?" he looks shocked.

"Why did you invite me here for Christmas? I was going to come after, but
you insisted on spending the holidays with me. Why?"

"First off, don't take the tone with me. I am your father. And second,
because I want to spend time with you."

"And how much time have we spent together?"

"Well, you've been busy."

"I've been busy!? Doing what? I've been sitting here on this couch the
whole time. I am not busy," I reply in frustration.

"That is no way to speak to your father."

"Oh please, don't give me the whole 'I'm your father' speech. You have no
right to do so. You've never once acted like my father so don't try to act
like one now."

"I know I haven't been the best father ..."

I cut him off. "I'll say."

"But I am trying. And you haven't made it easy. You have all of your
defences up. You've grown up into this young man and I don't even know
where to start a conversation or how to try. Every time I try to talk to
you about anything you seem to get angry with me. You're so distant."

"I'm distant? I came all the way here to meet you. I left mom and my
friends, to spend time with you. It's up to you to make the effort."

"I'm trying Jordan."

"You're not trying. Yesterday you were out all day. Today you came down at
noon."

"I don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to at least try to act like a normal father."

"I'm doing the best I can. I know you're angry with me for when you were a
kid and you have every right to be. I made mistakes, I get that. I
apologized to you for that. But you can't just keep up this anger all the
time. It's not fair to me either."

"It's not fair to you, right." I can't believe this guy. "Look, go to your
friend's house, I will figure out whatever I need to do. I always did
growing up. You were never there when I needed you and you aren't there now
either, no big deal." As I say this I make my way to the stairs.

"Jordan, wait."

I don't listen to him and keep on climbing. When I reach my room I slam the
door shut behind me. I can't stay here any longer. I am going to go crazy
if I don't leave. There is no point. He won't change, he never will. I grab
my phone to look up the bus schedule. Thank God! There is one in an
hour. Finally a lucky break. I throw my stuff quickly into my suitcase. I
grab the sweater my dad gave me. You know what, I'm better off without
it. I leave it on the table and shut the door behind me.

"Where are you going?" my dad asks as I come down the stairs.

"I'm going home," I reply angrily.

"This is your home."

"This will never be my home."

"Jordan I said I am sorry. I don't know what more you want from me."

"I don't want anything from you, not now or ever. I've lived most of my
life without you and I am totally fine living the rest without you as
well."

"Fine, be irrational, you're just like your mother."

I really shouldn't say anything. Just put on your shoes and leave. But I
can't let him have the last word. "I AM just like my mother and you know
what, I am proud of that. Thank God I didn't turn out anything like you."

With that I shut the door and make my way out into the cold.

-----

"I'm sorry Jordan," my mom says to me. "I shouldn't have forced you to go."

"It's okay mom. You were only thinking of the best for me, I know that."

My mom was surprised when she came home and found me there.

"I really thought he had changed," she says sadly.

"It's fine. I thought maybe he had too, but he hasn't. It's not your
fault. I know you were only looking out for me. Just promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"Never make me spend Christmas away from you again."

"I promise. And speaking of Christmas, here is your gift."

"Thanks mom," I say taking it from her. I unwrap the box to find a new
laptop.

"Mom, wow, thanks. But this is so expensive."

"I know, but I wanted to get you something nice, because you listened to me
and you went to see your dad."

"How did you know I would listen to you?"

"A mother always knows."

"You got this after I left didn't you?"

"Perhaps," she says trying not to laugh.

"Thanks mom, but I can't take this. I have a computer, and this is too
expensive."

"Your old computer is terrible, I even know that and I don't know much
about computers. And don't worry about the money. What's the point of
working hard all the time if you can't spend it on the people you love?"

"Thank you," I say giving her a big hug. "Now here is your gift."

"Jordan you didn't have to."

I got her a nice bracelet. It wasn't super expensive, but wasn't cheap
either. "I wanted to."

"But you haven't been working much this semester, and this must have cost
you a few hundred at least."

It's true I didn't work much this semester. I had to take time off because
of my foot. And now I am away for a month again. "Well, you got me
something expensive so you don't have any right to complain. It's yours and
I'm not taking it back."

"Thank you. I was going to ask you, how are you doing for money?"

"I'm okay. I still have enough money from my student loan to cover the rest
of the semester. And I will work a bit more which will help with day-to-day
expenses."

"Do you need any money at all?"

"No mom, I'll be fine. You've already given me so much."

"Well it's not enough. You've already taken on so much debt and you're only
in your second year. It's a good thing you got a bursary this year, and the
school is subsidizing your rent."

"I was actually thinking though of uh, moving out of my dorm this
semester," I say.

"Why? Where would you go?"

"My friend has his own apartment, I would share with him."

"And how much is that going to cost?"

"Um, I don't know."

"You don't know? So how are you going to afford it? I know you don't like
the dorms but it's cheaper. You don't have the money to waste Jordan. And
besides, can you even leave the dorm room now?"

"I can, they have a waiting list to get on so I would be okay. Registration
for next semester is the first week of January so I would have to let the
school know by then. But you're right, I'm not sure I can even afford to
live somewhere else."

"I'm sorry honey, maybe next year."

"That's fine, it's not your fault. Another year."

My mom is right. I didn't even think about how much this would cost. I was
so caught up in the moment. I have no idea how much rent Noah pays and how
much my half would be. Staying on campus has been very cheap, and I really
don't have that much money. Noah is going to be crushed.

*** NOAH ***

The end of the year. It has been quite a year hasn't it? I can't help but
smile. Last year I was in the exact same spot I am now. I was lying down on
my bed looking out the window as the sun set thinking about my new year's
resolutions. They were to: work out more. Fail. Be more social. Sort of
fail. Get a girlfriend. Utter fail. So overall I think I did quite
well. This year I don't even know what to think of. I do need to go to the
gym more, so that goes back on the list. And I guess by next year I want to
be even more comfortable with my sexuality. I'm not sure what the measure
for that will be, either I come out to more people, or something else, but
I have to do something. That is my goal.

There is one difference to last year though. Last year I was all
alone. This year I am sitting in bed waiting for my boyfriend to call
me. He is out running errands and said he would call when he got back
home. And there he is.

"Hey," I say picking up the phone.

"Hey Noah, how's it going?"

"Going ok. Just thinking of my New Year's resolutions."

"Oh, and what did you come up with?"

"The same as always, go to the gym and put on some muscle. I've had that
one for like 10 years now. What about you?"

"I don't know; haven't thought about it yet. I guess one would be to have
more money so I could mov ... um, not work at the grocery store."

"It sounded like you were going to say something else."

"No, just rambling like usual. So what are your plans for tonight?"

"Nothing much, just spending time with my siblings and the kids. They leave
on Monday because they have school starting right after New Year's. And
what about you?"

"I'm actually on my way to Aiden's house, you know my friend from
Australia. We seem to always miss each other, but tonight it should work
out."

"That's good. Have fun."

"I'll try."

The doorbell rings and my mom yells at me to get the door.

"Hold on," I say to Jordan. "I'm on the phone mom," I yell to her.

"Sorry, I'm back."

"No worries. So my dad called me today," he says.

"Oh, did you talk to him?" Jordan told me all about the problems the two of
them had. He was texting me while on the bus. I kept replying back to him
and my mom started to get annoyed because I was texting while having
dinner. I was able to excuse myself for only a few minutes and call him. He
was so angry and so crushed. I felt so bad for him. When he got home and
had cooled down he told me more about what happened.

"No. My mom answered. The two of them had a long conversation on the phone,
and my mom was not happy at all. She was yelling a fair bit. I don't think
he is going to call back again."

"That's too bad."

"It doesn't matter. Even if I patched things up with him now, I'm never
going to have any sort of long-term relationship with him unless I make
some changes in my life."

"Why do you say that? And what sort of changes?"

"My dad doesn't like gay people. He went off about gays and said it was a
choice and that it was wrong." He says this with barely any emotion in his
voice. He doesn't sound angry or upset.

"And what did you say?"

"I tried to defend homosexuality but to no avail, so I didn't bother
arguing with him. The thing is I kind of knew his views already, they
didn't shock me completely. And I don't really care what he thinks to be
honest with you. He hasn't been a big part of my life, and so he won't be
in the future either. Besides if I had to choose you or him, I would pick
you every time."

It's when he says stuff like that, that I know I love him. I can't help but
smile and go a bit flush. "Thanks."

"So now that I have you all happy ... I have something I have to tell you."

"Okay ..." This doesn't sound good.

"I don't think I can move in with you next semester. I'm sorry," he says.

And there goes that smile. I was really looking forward to living with
Jordan. But maybe this is too fast for him. In an instant a wave of doubt
washes over me. Maybe I shouldn't have told him I love him. This is so much
for him to take in. I am such an idiot, rushing things like this.

"No, I guess I should apologize for putting too much pressure on you."

"Noah this has nothing to do with me not wanting to move in. I really,
really want to."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I can't afford it. I didn't even ask you how much rent you pay. Right now
my dorm is subsidized because of the bursary I get from school. I don't
have any more to spend on rent."

"You don't have to pay rent. That's fine. I've covered myself so far, and
you living with me won't make a difference."

"How much rent do you pay?"

"1000 dollars," he says.

"My half should be 500 then. And I can't afford that. You're dad said he
might cut you off. You need the money just as much as I do. I can't then
ask you to support me as well."

"I'm not supporting you. You can help split the grocery costs and pitch in
whenever you can, and help around the apartment with cleaning. We will work
something out."

"You know what my parents use to fight about the most? Money. It was always
about money, the fact that we didn't have any. My mom would work hard, my
dad was really bad with his money and he would waste it. We would get
collection calls every day, every single day. And they would fight. It
drove a wedge between my parents and it destroyed their marriage. I won't
let that happen with you, I care about you too much to let that happen."

"It won't. What do you pay for your dorm right now?"

"For the next four months I will soon have to give the school 2000. It's
$400 a month. Normally it's $5000 for the semester."

"So fine, give me 200 bucks a month for rent, and the other 200 you can
keep. By giving me 200 I get to save that much and that lets me depend less
on my parents, plus you can save too."

"Be realistic Noah ..."

"I am. I really am. Honestly, you living with me cuts down my
expenses. This actually helps me out. I am being honest. We can make this
work. When do you have to register for your dorm room again?"

"First week of January."

"So you have a few days."

"Yes I do."

"So then just think about it for a few days please."

"Noah I ..."

"Please just think about it," I insist.

"Hey Noah," my brother pops into my room, "mom is calling you
downstairs. And put on some proper clothes."

"Why?" I ask him.

He smiles at me. "You have a date."

"What?" Oh shit.

"Good luck bro," he says with a wink before leaving.

"Oh God no," I say to Jordan.

"What's wrong?"

"She called her over," I say with disbelief.

"I don't follow you."

"My mom, she called over that girl and set me up on a date!"

He starts to laugh. "Oh, that's good."

"It's not funny! Shouldn't you be jealous or something?"

"Well it is funny to me. And I know your preference so I'm not worried. So
where are you going to take her?"

"Shut up Jordan. This is serious. What do I do?"

"I don't know, fake that you're sick?"

"That won't work with my mom."

"Then I guess you're going to go crush some girl's heart." I'm sure Jordan
has a huge smile on his face right now.

"You're really not helpful, you know that right?"

"I know, but you still love me all the same."

"Unfortunately I do," I agree.

"Now, have a fun and safe night. Remember to use protection," he chuckles.

"Haha. Enjoy your night out with Aiden. Think about what we talked about."

"I will, and I'll want all the details from your date!"

"Sure I'll make sure I keep good notes. Bye!"

"Bye."

Oh crap what the heck am I supposed to do? Okay, I need to find a way to
stall. If it gets late my mom can't force us to go out together. How did my
mom even pull this off and get her friend's daughter to come over? My mom
is way too clever for her own good.

"Noah," my mom yells from downstairs, "could you come down here for a
moment?"

"Coming mom," I yell back.

Time to get the show on the road. I'm not going to bother changing. I'm
totally fine wearing my pyjamas. If I do have to come back up to change
that will save me some time.

"Hey mom, what's up?" I say to her coming down the stairs. She gives me an
annoyed look after seeing what I am wearing.

"Noah, I want to you to meet my friend Beth and her daughter Sophia."

"Hi," I say to no one in particular. I take a seat on the far side of the
room.

"I was just telling everyone about your studies," my mom says to me. "Did
you know Sophia is also doing her undergrad right now in Political Science?
That's a close field to yours right?"

"Yep," I reply.

"Beth can you help me with something in the kitchen, don't mind us kids,"
my mom says as the two of them get up and leave.

My mom is good, too good. I could be an ass, but it's not this girl's fault
she got dragged into this. I honestly don't want to play these games. I
might as well just be straight up with her.

"I'm sure this is the last thing you wanted be doing," I say to her.

"My mom can be very persistent," she agrees.

"I know all about that. I'm sorry about this."

"Oh, it's not your fault. Besides my mom promised not to bug me about
helping her clean up for a week. Plus it's only 6 o'clock and I figured
this wouldn't take too long, and after that I could still meet up with my
friends ... and you could get back to sleep."

Good, she doesn't want to go through with this either. "Yeah, sorry about
the pants."

"Nah, don't be, they suit you. I could tell the moment I saw you how
interested you are," she laughs.

"Sorry, my mom just sort of sprang this on me."

"Don't worry, my mom did the same to me," she says as she looks towards the
kitchen. "Our moms aren't very good at spying on us."

"What time do you have to meet your friends?"

"Around 8."

"How about this, let's go grab a coffee. That will placate our mothers, and
you can go meet up with your friends after that." I know I wanted to stall,
but this girl doesn't want to date me either so all is good! Might as well
try to enjoy myself for a while and not have to deal with my mom.

"Ah sure, beats sitting under the spotlight here."

"I'm just going to go change, be back in a minute."

I run upstairs to change my clothes. I might as well go out for a bit, and
then get this over with. Besides, Jordan didn't seem to care much. After I
get ready I send him a text message.

"Going out for coffee with my date."

He responds back. "Have fun. Just remember she might be fun tonight, but
I'm the one who loves you long term."

"I'll keep that under consideration," I respond to him.

I run back downstairs, but before I get to the living room my mom pulls me
aside.

"See I told you she was a nice girl," she says with a smile on her face.

"Sure mom."

"Have fun."

"I'll try. You ready?" I call out to her.

"Yep, let's go."

We drive to a coffee shop just around the corner from my house.

"Isn't it a bit sad when your mom is the one trying to find you a date?" I
ask her.

"Yeah, I guess it is. This isn't the first time my mom has done this
before."

"Oh really?"

"Yep, she doesn't really like the guys I usually go out with so she tried
to fix me up with another friend's kid, turned out to be a total freak."

"Well I hope I am better than that."

"A bit better," she says with a smile.

We start to have a pretty good conversation. The girl is actually quite
nice, and she's good looking too. My mom does have good taste, I'll give
her that. The time actually flies right by and before I know it, it's
almost 8. We head out so I can drop her back at home.

"I surprisingly had a good time tonight," she says to me.

"Thanks, so did I."

"Here's my cell number, if you want to talk again give me a call."

Ah shit. I should have told her the truth right at the beginning. Damn it!
Now if I take her number and don't call her back I come across as an
ass. If I tell her the truth, I also come across as an ass. Might as well
just tell her.

"Thanks, I really hope we can be friends."

"Oh É "

That's not what she was going for. Crap! I should tell her truth. "I'm
really sorry, I probably should have told you this before. I'm actually
seeing someone right now. My mom doesn't know. I didn't tell her because
she asks too many questions and it's all really complicated."

"Oh, um, whatever, that's fine. Have a good night," she says getting out of
the car. She slams the door a bit hard.

Damn it. I so came across as an ass.

*** JORDAN ***

"Finally we meet!" Aiden says to me, opening the door.

"I know, it's been way too long. How have you been man?"

"Good, good. You?"

"I'm good."

"Just throw your stuff wherever. So I thought pizza and a movie, is that
cool?" he asks.

"That's fine."

"Are you sure you don't want to go out for drinks?"

"Honestly it's been a crazy week, this is more than fine." It's also a
private setting too which is better. I've been thinking about this a lot,
maybe it's time I tell Aiden. He is my best friend and it would just take a
load off my chest. I just don't know how to bring it up with him. "How's
Australia?"

"It's awesome man, you should have gone away too. I love it. The weather is
nice, Sydney is beautiful, and I'm far, far away from home. What's not to
love?"

"Yeah well, I'm glad I went to the city instead to study. It's been a good
year," I say with a smile.

"Your smile tells me it's been a very, very good year. What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing much."

"It's that girl isn't it?"

"Sorry?" What's he talking about?

"Come on dude you know what I am talking about -- the girl you're dating
that you told me about? You can't hide things from me, I know you too
well."

Damn it. He does know me too well, or well almost. "Well, I guess you don't
know me that well, but things are going okay, nothing serious man." My
phone starts to buzz. It's a message from Noah. "Hold on a sec," I say to
Aiden.

"Going out for coffee with my date," Noah texts me.

I respond back. "Have fun. Just remember she might be fun tonight, but I'm
the one who loves you long term."

"I'll keep that under consideration," Noah says.

"Sorry about that," I say to Aiden.

"No problem. So was that her?"

"Who?"

"You're girl. I saw the way you were smiling. That wasn't just any friend
texting you."

"Which girl?"

"You know, the one you liked and then you kissed É the one you broke up
with her friend for? Dude where is your head?"

Shit! Of course I did tell Aided about Noah, but well, I told him Noah was
a girl.

"Oh, yeah, yeah I still am."

"And?"

"And what?"

"How is it going?" Aiden asks.

"It's fine man." I can't remember what I've already told him, so now I
don't know what to say!

"Fine, don't tell me anything. You can't hide her for long. I'll just see
how serious it is next month."

"And how will you do that exactly?"

"Because guess who is going to be your new neighbour!"

"I'm sorry what?" What the hell is he talking about?

"Wow, don't get too excited man. I'm moving to your city! I got a great
co-op job and so I'm going to be there for the next four months!" he says
with excitement.

Oh shit. I should try not to look concerned. "Hey that's awesome man. When
did this happen?"

"A few weeks ago, I've tried to tell you but you always seem to disappear."

"Oh, so where are you going to live?"

"Right downtown, I am like five minutes away from your campus. You and me
buddy like old times."

Oh crap ...

-----

End of Chapter 16.

Thanks for your time! Remember if you have any comments let me know at
mr_e08@hotmail.com.