Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 00:21:35 -0400 From: Ethan Y Subject: Noah and Jordan Chapter 7 The following story is a work of fiction - and does not represent any living person. The story will in the future contain sex between two adult consenting men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent. --- I know the ending of the last chapter was a bit mean, but as I wrote in chapter 6, Jordan likes to tease Noah, and that was me teasing you guys a bit. Again thanks for all the comments, I really do appreciate it. Like always you can reach me at mr_e08@hotmail.com. The one thing I can never come up with is a title. As you can tell "Noah and Jordan" is kind of bland. Any suggestions? Also, please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. Ok - so some bad news. I have a major obligation at the beginning of June which will take up a lot of my time in May. So there may not be another chapter until mid-June. Sorry. I will try to make 8 extra special because of the long wait. So I hope you enjoy Chapter 7. Ethan. --- *Please note time changes at the top of each section. *** NOAH *** --- 1 p.m., Wednesday September 29th, University Campus --- Without looking at a calendar it is obvious what time of year it is. The end of September. It's a great time of year. The weather is perfect, roughly in the mid-teens. It's not too chilly and not too warm. The leaves are changing colours; a mosaic of red, orange and brown. Slowly they're letting go of the branches, free-falling to the ground. After months of attachment they must now let go. They drift in the wind, withering away, their beauty fading. Change is in the air. But change is difficult; we vehemently fight it and embrace nostalgia. Yet it seems only natural. As the weather cools the trees start to bud. Slowly from bare, brawny branches they flourish into lush enclaves. As the process comes to an end the leaves depart their home, their root of security, and fall. The cycle is complete. What once was remains no more. With time the landscape has changed - and so too shall we. Each step I take feels heavier than the one before. Even though I know where I am going in terms of my destination, internally I have no idea where I am heading. You can only escape life for so long before it catches up to you. After years of running mine finally has. But not only has it caught up, it has come crashing down on me. The weight of it too heavy for me to bare. To say the last hour of my life was interesting would not be describing it justly. It's given me a lot to think about ... --- 12 noon, same day, 8th Floor, University Library --- "Hey." I almost jump out of my seat. I know that voice. This time I have no where to run - I'm trapped. I slowly turn my head around. Perhaps I am crazy and just hearing voices in my head. No - I'm not crazy. He's right before me beaming with confidence. Standing there erect and tall before me, wearing dark faded jeans, a snug t-shirt which shows off his defined muscles, his bag flung over his left shoulder, sunglasses perched on his slick hair, and a smile that showcases teeth that seem too white to be real. Honestly he looks like he just walked straight out of a magazine. "Hi ... Sebastian." Where the hell did he come from? I had picked a spot with no one around me. This side of the library is always empty - always. It's the perfect spot to be alone and get some work done. And now here I was alone with him. I wonder how many times I will make an ass of myself this time. "Do you mind if I sit down?" YES, YES, YES!! I think internally. "No of course not." How could anyone say no to that soft, deep voice coupled with his eyes staring right into you. No! Don't sit beside me! Damn it. I try to nudge my seat back but it's no use. The legs barely move on the carpet. Stupid cheap chairs and cheap carpet. "So did you enjoy the game last night?" "Yeah, yeah .... ah, it was great. Sorry you lost though." "Nah it happens. We just need more practice. So how come you didn't come with Jordan for some drinks after?" His voice is so seductive. Shit - get your head together man! "I ... I had to, uh, work for school." Wow now I can't even put together a simple sentence! "Oh that's a shame. We were all hoping to see you," he says. I've realised looking right at him doesn't work. I lower my head down and place my hand on the book in front of me on the table. "Oh, well the team doesn't really know me ... so I didn't want to intrude ... " I barely get the last word out. Okay, my heart is going to stop. Maybe it already has. It's really hot in here all of a sudden. I'm sweating more than I ever have. My breadth quickens. My chest is heaving. The world seems to stop as he puts his hand on top of mine and his leg brushes against my knee. He leans in closer to me and just inches from my ear he whispers, "I was hoping you would have come ... " Oh crap. I can feel his face next to mine, his eyes looking into my soul. It's like he is peering inside of me, discovering my deepest and darkest secrets. I can't look at him. I keep my head lowered, eyes shut. The only sound in the room is of me breathing, not in any rhythm, but staggered long breaths. Is he saying ... ? No he can't ... this makes no sense! Okay, just relax. He probably just meant that in a platonic way. He must have. That makes sense. I need to regain my composure. I lift my head up and move my hand away from his. "Nah, trust me I'm no life of the party. You didn't miss much." There is no need to get all worked up here. I'm over reacting. But why is my heart racing away? He just sits there for a few seconds, the whole time his gaze locked on me. I try to pretend I'm busy by shuffling some papers around. There is an eerie, awkward silence in the room. With each second that passes it seems as if someone is sucking the oxygen out of the room. I can't bare it. Say something damn it! Finally after what seems like minutes he leans back into his chair and lowers his eyes. "Noah, you know what I meant. You know how I feel about you. The only question is how you feel about me ... " He says it in such a way it makes my heart melt. Even I'm not that naïve. He's not looking for a platonic relationship. But what do I say? I can't think! Breathe dude, breathe. I'm surprised, dumbfounded really, and flattered ... really flattered. Come on any girl would love to be with him and here he is picking me. But shit no, I can't .. I'm not ... argh, what's wrong with me! I need to say something. "Sebastian .... " "Hey No...ah ... " Oh thank god. I love Jenn. I really, really LOVE Jenn. I feel like leaping out of my chair and singing 'Hallelujah' at the top of my lungs, but that might be a bit too dramatic. "Hey Jenn," My voice is a little shaky. I'm not sure how much she heard of our conversation but I don't think she heard anything. I notice her looking at Sebastian sitting on the seat next to me. She tilts her head to the side and gives me a look indicating she wants to know who he is. "Uh, sorry where are my manners? Um, this is, ah .... Sebastian," I say to her. Shit I need to calm down. Turning to him I say, "and this is my friend Jennifer." "It's nice to meet you," he says giving her a smile. He can really charm anyone. I've never seen Jenn blush like that. "Nice to meet you as well," she says sitting down across from us. "Anyways Noah, I have to get to class so I will let you two be," he says getting up from his chair. "I just wanted to let you know some of us guys are throwing Jordan a birthday party. It's on Saturday at my place. Let me know if you can come ... here ..." he grabs a paper and pen from his bag and jots down a number and slides it across the table. "That's my number. If you don't mind just calling me and letting me know what your plan is ... that would be great." "Sure" I say to him. I eagerly want him to go away now, before Jenn suspects anything. He starts to turn away ... okay he's almost gone ... thank god. No! Don't stop. Don't turn around. Crap, he's back. I'm not sure my heart can take this assault any longer. "Oh and Noah, Jordan doesn't know about the party. So if you can keep everything a secret that would be great." He puts a lot of emphasis on the word 'everything'. I figure he isn't talking about the party but about what he said earlier. I give him a nod. Trust me buddy I am not saying a word to Jordan or anyone else - ever. "Of course," I say. "Okay, take care. If you could let me know by tonight about Saturday that would be great." And with that he's gone in an instant, disappearing in a flash just like he had appeared. My heart is still beating harder than I can ever remember. Okay, just try to relax, you don't want Jenn asking questions. I turn back around to Jenn who has this mischievous smile on her face. This can't be good. "So, how's your day going?" I ask her trying to change the subject. "What's your secret?" she asks. "I don't follow you." "Do you have some magnet on you that attracts drop dead gorgeous guys?" "Hunh?" What was she talking about? "Noah - holy shit - that guy was hot. No, not hot - like crazy sexy. Where do you keep meeting these guys - and wherever it is - you have to take me with you." Oh thank god, she doesn't suspect anything. "I don't have any magnet. He's on the volleyball team with Jordan. I met him last night when I went to the game with Jordan." Ah crap. That was way too much information. I can see a smile spreading across Jenn's face. Not the good happy smile - but the evil, sinister one. "You went out with Jordan last night?" "I did not go out with him. He asked me to come to his volleyball game and I did. He couldn't play because of his foot so I gave him company in the stands. No big deal." "Ahh ... you seem to be giving him an awful lot of company. My little Noah is growing up and making friends." Okay this topic really needs to end now before I say something dumb. "We have a lot of work to do and we're already behind because you're late. So how about we get to it?" "Work can wait. So are you going to the party then?" "Jenn, come on lets get something done at least." I really don't want to talk about anything right now. I actually just want to leave and go somewhere far, far away. But Jenn might suspect something is wrong, so here I am, stuck. "You're not going are you?" She asks. "I don't know." I really don't. Was there even a party or was Sebastian just making a cover story for being here? Even if there is a party I don't think I should go. I can't be around Sebastian with other people. What if I say something or do something? I need to stay away from him - far away. "Well you should go and take me with you. I wouldn't mind meeting that guy again." Now I can't help but smile. Oh she could meet him all she'd like, but it won't do her any good. If only she knew she had little chances - or actually no chances - with Sebastian. I would never have guessed he's gay. College jock, well built, as masculine as they get, team captain, and friends with everyone. You always have this mental image of gay guys being more feminine - into fashion and all well dressed - not to say Sebastian wasn't well dressed. But he was just your ordinary, average guy. I would have never guessed. That's why none of this makes any sense! "I probably won't go. I have a lot of work to do Jenn. Exams are just around the corner and ... " "Noah cage that inner nerd inside of you for one night and just have some fun. School can wait. How many parties have you been to this semester?" "None ... " "Exactly, man live a little." "Jennifer ... " "Don't think by using my full name I am going to take you more seriously. Yoink ... " "Jenn no!" I was too late. She had grabbed my phone and the paper sitting beside it. "I'm warning you ... give it back." I say. But I'm too late. She's one of those speed texters. "Fine. Here," she says sliding the paper and phone back to me. I quickly pick up my phone and look at the sent messages: "Im in Noah." Sent to Sebastian's cell phone. "You'll thank me later for this," she says. I have a feeling that's not going to be the case. *** JORDAN *** --- Morning, same day, dorm room --- I sound like such a nerd. If I told anyone this they probably would never believe it was coming from me. I would get the cliché remark: "Who are you and what have you done with Jordan?" But I don't know what to say. I am actually looking forward to my English class today. I know, weird isn't it? I've never hated school but I'm not one to look forward to a class either. But when I woke up today I was happy it was Wednesday. I swear those pain killers I took for my foot are still messing with my head. Usually when our team loses I am in a sour mood the next day. Actually not playing was somewhat of a good thing. For one, I got to observe the game and notice where we can improve. And second, I had a great time watching with Noah. I was a bit disappointed he didn't come to the bar after. Oddly enough I wasn't the only one. Sebastian seemed a little gloomy when I told him. Anyways, it was nice to reconnect with the team again. I've missed a few practices and so was starting to get out of the loop. When I woke up today I had a mission. A pretty ambitious one - to clean up my room. I haven't cleaned my room in a week. It looks like a tornado swept through here. But not even 5 minutes in and I want to give up. Solace comes when the phone rings. "Hey John!" I am actually really happy and a bit surprised he called. "Hi Jordan." "How are you man? It's been a while. What's up?" "Nothing much just checking in with you to see how you are," he says. "I'm doing good man, doing good. Hey are you free right now? Wanna grab some breakfast?" Anything to get away from cleaning up this room. Anything. "Sure man." "Okay how about the campus coffee shop in 5 minutes?" "Alright see you then." --- I can finally say I am starting to get used to these crutches. Well, it only took me two weeks! I'm actually glad John called. Since our fallout we haven't really talked much. To think back our fight was pretty stupid and I want to make amends with him. I just hope he isn't still angry. He's one to hold grudges. I guess the only good thing out of all of this is I've gotten to know Noah better. I really enjoyed his presence at the game yesterday and generally overall. I can't believe he actually went out and bought a shirt for the game. What a guy. Behind that nerd like exterior of his he actually is a fun guy. He just needs to loosen up a bit. After a couple of more hops I am finally at the coffee shop. It still takes me double the time to get anywhere I need to be. I order some coffee and sit down. John arrives shortly after. "Hey Jordan. How's your foot?" "Can't complain. I have an appointment with my doctor next week so we'll see what happens." "I'm sure it will be fine," he says. "So what have you and Eli been up to?" "Same old, same old. School's getting a bit busier now so we're not as crazy as before." "I'm not sure I believe that." "Ok fine, I'm a little less crazy - Eli is still Eli, what can I say." For the next little while we just talk like nothing has ever come between us. I guess John isn't angry anymore. "Listen, I'm sorry about everything that happened before ... " I start to say. "Dude, whatever. It's in the past and I don't care anymore." "But still I guess I owe you an apology ... " "You don't. Stop being a drama queen. Look to prove everything is fine - let's go out on Saturday night." "What do you have in mind?" I ask. "I don't know yet but something. It's been a while since we all went out. So make sure you keep it free." "Alright, sounds good - but nothing crazy yet - I still have this foot to look after." "Damn, I was thinking of skydiving. That changes everything. Come on give me some credit! Obviously dude I know. Don't worry you'll be fine. Anyways I will call you sometime this week to let you know what the plan is. For now I have to get to class. I'll see you later." "Alright, take care man." That's good. Saturday night just like old times. I sit around the coffee shop for a while. I don't want to get up and return to the horrors of my room. I don't have English class with Noah until 2 so I have time. Oh shit Noah! I forgot to ask him for his English notes from last week. I wasn't really paying attention in class seeing how I had much, much more important things to do - bug him. I should call him and remind him. "Hey Noah," "Hey Jordan. What's up?" "I just wanted to remind you to bring your English notes to class from last week." As I say this I notice Sebastian enter into the coffee shop. I wave him over and he comes and sits down. I signal with my hand I will only be a moment. "Oh man, Jordan I forgot them at home. I'm on my way to the library right now so I will have to get them for you later." "Man you're such a nerd - you're going to the library right now!" I say. "Nerds are cool. I know you're jealous." "Yeah buddy, really jealous." "Anyways, yeah I'm meeting Jenn there to get some work done. It's not too busy right now, especially on the top floors, so it's easy to get work done." "Yeah I usually go to like the 8th or 9th floor, the area is never busy. Alright man, I won't interrupt your precious studying time. But next time remember to bring them." "I will. Oh and Jordan in class today you better pay attention! What do I look like some sort of personal note writing down .... taker .... person?" "Haha, no I can honestly say I don't think you're a note writing down taker person, whatever that is." "Man shut up you know what I meant. And stop with all the jokes or the prof is going to kick us both out." "I can't promise anything. Especially if you're going to continue speaking nonsensical English." "I'll see you in English class." "Alright man, I'll see you later," I say shutting the phone. "Hey sorry," I say to Sebastian. "No problem. Who were you talking to?" "Oh it was just Noah" "Ah your clumsy friend." "Yeah he's a ... he's Noah, what can I say." "I've never noticed him around your group of friends before. Usually your entourage is just the other two guys uh ... " "John and Eli. Yeah, I just met Noah like two weeks ago. He's just my English partner for a presentation." "Cool. Alright, sorry dude, I can't stick around. I just needed to get some coffee." "Okay, I'll see you around." "Later dude." With that he was off, leaving me alone once again. Damn it! I guess this means I have to go back and clean up my room. Yippee ... *** NOAH *** --- 1 PM, same day, small park located just off campus --- Life's funny. Cruel sometimes. There had been a time in my life when I had fought hard to change things. To avoid the reality around me. I had tried so hard. At least for a while I think I succeeded. But here I am three years later in a similar, yet different situation. I left everything behind when I came here, thinking this would be a fresh start. I made new friends, got a girlfriend and yet all of that seems irrelevant to what's going on now. I know I can't run anymore. I need to face the present and address the past ... --- 3 years earlier, local secondary school --- It was my final year of high school and I couldn't have been happier. Being a nerd isn't really the most popular route to take. Not to say I was picked on or tormented - I wasn't - but I didn't have many friends either. I was finally glad it would all be ending. I would be off to a local university next year, staying close to my family. But everything changed. I don't remember when it happened exactly but my best guess is during first semester. I really started noticing a guy in one of my classes, Aaron. I had never really been attracted to a guy before but all of a sudden I couldn't get him out of my head. I was thinking about him during school, staring at him during class and dreaming about him at night. I didn't know Aaron very well. We had spoken only a few times. What I did know was that he had a girlfriend. That didn't really change anything. I wasn't planning on doing anything. I was scared. I had no idea what was going on. My curiosity started getting the better of me and soon I was searching gay porn sites. As the days passed I became more confused. I found the images arousing. In the meantime my nights were restless with thoughts of Aaron. As the month progressed I started to doubt my sexuality. I was not okay with being labelled gay and kept thinking this was just a phase. What made me really confused was that I still liked girls. I made a resolution to stay away from Aaron and focus as much as I could on school work. For the most part it worked. The semester ended and there were only a few months left in school. But everything changed on a cold March day ... I was sitting in the library doing some work when I noticed Aaron and some of his friends come sit down at a table beside me. Even though I had made a resolution not to stare at Aaron I couldn't help myself. It had been so long since I'd seen him and he looked exceptionally hot today. Every so often I would glance up from reading, staring at Aaron for just a short while. I could hear him laugh with his friends and it drove me crazy. I thought about getting up and leaving and when I look back I realize I should have - because the situation started to spiral out of control. I wouldn't say the area I was from was homophobic - but it wasn't the most accepting either. I was looking up at Aaron when I caught the eye of one of his friends - who I later learned was named Damien. He just looked at me funny as I quickly lowered my gaze. I decided it was best I leave so I gathered my stuff and quickly hurried out. As I made my way through the door Aaron's friend caught up to me. He grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around. "I don't know what you think you were doing, you little fag, but keep yours eyes to yourself. Your kind aren't welcome here." I brushed off his hand and angrily responded. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'm not a fag." "I saw you staring at Aaron - more like ogling him. I could have outed you back there, so count yourself lucky. You know what we do with fags like you here, don't you?" "Fuck off," I said turning around and quickly walking away. The next day I dreaded going to school. I wasn't sure if Aaron's friend had said anything to anyone. I'm not sure if I was just being paranoid but I felt like everyone was shooting me glances. During lunch time I saw Aaron enter the cafeteria. He just looked at me. I didn't know what to make of it. I wasn't sure what his friend had told him. Over the next few days paranoia started to set it. I was convinced people were talking about me behind my back. I saw Aaron a few more times - the school wasn't that big - and I was sure he was giving me dirty looks. If people knew or didn't I wasn't really sure. All of the drama though made me resolute I couldn't be gay. I knew I liked girls as well - I had dated a few - and just pushed it out as a phase. Even though I had started to notice more and more men I ignored it as best I could. I realized I could never really get away from everything - many of the same people would be joining me at the local university. I had to work hard to convince my parents to let me go farther away. They were surprised and disappointed. But I knew I couldn't stay if I wanted a fresh start. So after graduation I left the school never looking back. *** JORDAN *** --- 2 PM, Wednesday September 29th, English Class --- Wow this has never happened before. I'm the first person to arrive at my English class. I knew it wouldn't take me 30 minutes to walk here but I wanted to give myself extra time because of my foot. Okay fine. I didn't want to clean my room so I left early. I hope someone else comes soon. It's so weird being here all by myself. Slowly the room starts to fill in. I keep looking at the door expecting Noah to walk in, but he doesn't. It's strange because usually he is here before me. I glance at the clock - just 30 seconds to go - but still no sign of him. Better hurry up there buddy. The prof walks over and closes the door. "Okay everyone let's get started ..." Throughout the lecture I keep looking at the door but there is no sign of Noah. It's weird because he didn't say anything about missing class while on the phone. Plus knowing Noah, even if only for a few weeks, you can tell he is a bit of a nerd. Skipping classes really does not seem like what he does. Perhaps something happened ... What the? The person sitting next to me jabs me with his elbow. It seems like the professor was speaking to me. "Sorry sir?" I say. "So last week you're chatting and laughing and this week daydreaming? Am I that boring?" "No, sorry sir." Okay someone sure doesn't like me. Alright I have to pay attention. But this isn't like Noah. I'll send him a text: "Where are you?" Alright Jordan focus on the lecture. But I can't. Instead of looking at the door now I keep looking at my phone, waiting for it to vibrate. But nothing. I'm half relieved when the professor finally lets us go. I'm not fully relieved because I am a bit worried about Noah. I'm still really curious what happened to him. He did say on the phone he would see me in class. That was only a few hours ago. It's funny, I was actually looking forward to English class today but like usual it turns out to be a dud. English is my last class of the day so I decide to hop back home. There is a direct route linking the buildings together but since the weather is nice - and there will only be a few days like these left - I decide to walk outside. I'll be so glad when this stupid brace comes off. I miss playing volleyball. And I hadn't even gone swimming, to the gym, or to work in a few weeks. I feel so lazy. I need to get back into the regular grind of things. Oh that reminds me! I should drop by work and figure out my schedule. Since I have time I might as well do it now. I don't work too far off campus. There is a shortcut if I go through this small park just located off campus. It's a pretty small little dingy park with most people just using it as a shortcut. I'm walking along when I notice a guy sitting on a boulder, hunched over just staring off into a tree. That guy kind of looks like Noah. Wait. Is that him? I move a little closer and ... it is him. What's he doing here sitting on a rock? He looks so deep in concentration, like his body is here but his mind is kilometres away. "Noah," I call out to him. No response. Weird. I hop a bit closer and put my hand on his shoulder. "Noah" Holy shit. "Wow, calm down there man it's just me." I guess I scared him a bit. He jumped off of the rock pretty quickly. "Oh, sorry you scared me there." He says. "Sorry man. Yeah you looked really deep in concentration." "Yeah, yeah ... " he says looking off into the distance like he is trying to remember what he was thinking about. "Why didn't you come to class today?" No response. "Noah?" "Yeah," he says looking at me. "How come you weren't in class today?" "Class? What are you talking about we still have time ... oh shit! It's 4:30 already!" He says looking at his watch. "Yeah man. You missed class." "Oh ... " "Dude is everything okay?" He is acting really strange ... even for him. "Yeah I'm fine ... " "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "If there is anything bothering you, you know you can tell me right?" "I know. Don't worry I'm fine. Listen I have to go. I will catch up with you later." He says. "Are we still on for tomorrow?" "Tomorrow?" "Yeah man, tomorrow, to finalize our presentation topic." "Yeah sure." "Do you still want to meet at my dorm room?" "No, um ... just come over to my place." "Okay. Noah you sure there isn't anything I can help you with." For the first time he actually smiles. "Yes I'm sure. Trust me I'm fine. I will see you tomorrow okay? Bye." "Bye." I don't believe him. Something isn't right though I'm not sure what. I would hope by now he could trust me. I had confided in him a couple of times when he helped me out. I was hoping now I could return the favour to him. But it seems whatever it is he doesn't want to talk about it. I guess I just have to respect his decision and give him space. He really is an odd guy. *** NOAH *** --- 8 p.m., same day, Noah's Apartment --- Ah man it's been a long day. All I want to do now is eat something, take a nice long hot shower and then go to bed. I can't believe I missed class. I guess I was sitting on that rock for a lot longer than I thought. I throw my bag on the couch and take out my phone from my pocket. I see one missed text from Jordan: "Where are you?" I didn't even realize my phone was vibrating the whole time. I grab some clothes and enter into the shower. It feels so nice to have the warm water run down my body. This was at least one sanctuary I had - the shower - where no one could disturb me. It just left me a lot of time to think. I remember leaving my parents and moving to the big city. At first I was scared to be on my own, but soon I realized I enjoyed being in a larger urban setting. Being at a new school with no one I knew let me reinvent myself. I also found at university people were a bit more mature and they judge you a little less than in high school. It also helped I met and became friends with Jenn basically right from the first day. Forgetting about guys though proved to be much more difficult. The city offered up a lot of eye candy. Soon after I realized if I dated someone that might make life easier - and so I met Stacey. We'd been going out for a few months when I realized the relationship wasn't going anywhere. It's not that I didn't like Stacey - I did - I just found my heart wasn't in the right place. But I kept holding on. I knew that if I let go of Stacey I might have to admit to the fact that I liked guys too. And so I stuck to her - clinging on to her as though my life depended on it. But finally in my second year we broke things off. She just couldn't stand me any longer I guess. That shower did feel really nice. I am walking back to my room when I notice my phone is flashing on the table. I pick it up - 1 missed call. Sebastian. Shit! How did he get my number? Ah right, Jenn texted him from my phone! Already I wasn't thanking her for anything. I notice I also have one new voice message. I want to delete it but I guess I should at least listen to it. "Hey Noah, it's me Sebastian. I was hoping to talk to you. If you could give me a call back that would be great. Don't worry how late it gets. I'm waiting for your call. Bye." I hit the delete button. I've been down this path before and it just isn't the right one for me to take. I walk into my room and plop down onto my bed. I am going to read for a little while then go to sleep. I've already had my fair share of excitement for one day. I acted like such a weirdo in front of Jordan. He probably thinks I have some screws loose in my head! I'm glad I told him to come by my place tomorrow. I just want to avoid campus for as long as I can. I'm about to pick up my book when the phone rings. Even though I don't know who it is my heart starts to beat faster. Great now I am afraid of getting phone calls. Thanks Jenn. But it honestly doesn't matter who it is - even if it is Jenn - I am in no mood to talk to anyone. I pick up the phone and look at the caller ID. It's Sebastian. I put the phone down. But it continues to ring ... and ring ... and ring. With each ring I start to breathe harder. I know I shouldn't pick up the phone but I want to. I don't know why but I do. No! Don't be dumb. This can't lead to anything good. But how long can I run for? Can I avoid Sebastian forever? No. I am bound to see him again at school. This has to end and it has to end tonight. I pick up the phone. "Hello." I say. "Hey Noah! It's me, Sebastian. I'm glad I caught you." "Hi Sebastian." "I got your text message. I'm really glad you're going to come on Saturday." I want to tell him I didn't send it but Jenn did. But I don't. A part of me does want to go that party - for Jordan's sake of course. That is if there is a party. "Yeah, I'm still thinking about it. I have another obligation but I will try to get out of it." I want him to think I am busy so I have an excuse if I say no in the end. "Okay. You have my number. You can call me whenever you like." He puts a lot of emphasis on 'whenever'. "Listen Noah, I wanted to talk to you about earlier today. I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation, which is what I thought I might have. But then I got your text and I thought perhaps you had an answer for me ... " It was time to nip this in the butt. Get it over with once and for all. I just needed to be firm. "Sebastian, I'm really flattered but I'm sorry I'm not into guys like that." That sounded convincing enough. Good now I just need to stay strong. "Noah," he starts saying in his slow, soft, seductive voice, "I've seen the way you look at Jordan." Fuck. "I'm not sure what you mean?" "Noah, I might come off as a dumb jock - believe me I've gotten that before - but I have a brain and a set of eyes. I too was once in your position. Afraid to embrace what I really felt inside. It's okay with me whoever you choose to be with, but Noah - you must be true to yourself. And as I said I've seen the way you look at him and the way you act around me." Why did I pick up the phone? He has seen through me - past everything that even I was trying to hide from myself. "Sebastian, I ... ah ... I ... " I just couldn't find the words. "Noah you don't have to say anything. I know this is not easy - trust me - I know. I've been through this before." "I'm just so surprised. I would have never guessed you were ah ... " "Gay?" "Yeah." "Yeah not many people know. And I am hoping it will stay that way." "I won't say anything." "I knew I could trust you. I don't hide it - but I don't flaunt it either. As I am sure you're aware being in sports and being gay isn't easy. I love playing volleyball and I want to continue playing. If I was outed it would make my life a lot more difficult." "But don't people wonder why you don't date girls? I mean any guy - no matter what his sexuality - can see you are really, really good looking." "Thanks - I'm glad you think so. Yes it has been a challenge. I too dated girls right off the start to hide my sexuality from myself. I thought if I made it work with a girl than I would be okay. I think that's what you did with Stacey." "How do you know about Stacey?" "Noah as I said, I'm not that dumb. We've actually had a class together before." "Really? When?" "It was last year in Politics 201. Both you and Stacey were in it. Don't worry there were over a thousand people in the class so you probably don't remember me. But I remember you. That's when I first noticed you actually." "Right I remember that class ... " "It was actually in that class when I first started to like you. Even though I didn't know you - I remember you speaking out in class. You were always the smartest person. Adding a lot to the conversation and really making me think. But I saw you were with Stacey so I didn't do anything about it. But then as my luck would have it, just a few weeks ago I see you at the park in the east end of the city." "The volleyball game ... " "Yeah. I don't think you realized I actually did notice you staring at me. That's when I thought perhaps there was more to you than what met the eye." "You're really observant." "Well these gorgeous eyes - as I am told - do serve a purpose besides seducing people." "So you know you do that with your eyes right? The way you look at people." "Oh of course. I might as well use the looks I have while I have them. Anyways, so it was just by luck really that you became friends with Jordan. Finally I got to meet you for the first time. And the way you acted around me - how shy you became and quiet - I thought perhaps there could be something. So again when I saw you at the volleyball game with Jordan I decided to talk to you. It was then that I was pretty sure - by the way you interacted with Jordan and me that I might have a chance. Jordan's straight so I know that won't work out. And so I followed up on it and laid everything out in the open at the library. I'm hoping that perhaps it will all have been worth it ... " "Sebastian I am really flattered ... " "You've said that already." "Any girl would love to be with you ... " "But I don't want to be with any girl. I want to be with you." "But there is nothing special about me - nothing at all. I'm a nerd as you say. I don't have a great body. I'm not that social or out going. I'm just an ordinary guy." "That's what you think. What I love about you is your mind. I like that you're smart and not just some dumb guy. I love the way you look. Trust me you are anything but ordinary to me. In my eyes you are hot." "So what I say okay and then what? You find someone hotter, someone you probably deserve to be with and that's it?" "You really take me for some shallow, soulless, person don't you?" "I didn't mean that." "Well that's what you implied. Look Noah, I know this is scary. If I was just looking for one quick fuck I wouldn't have talked to you. I want more than that. I want a boyfriend - I want someone to be with. And you say you don't deserve me - hell I think I don't deserve you - because I know you and I know you are more than just sex. Most of the guys I've been with and the girls before that - no one takes me seriously. They want me for my looks and not my personality. Sometimes having good looks isn't all that great. But you - you seem different. The way I see it - I might not deserve to have you." "You're making this so much harder!" "I hope you mean down there." I couldn't help but laugh. "No, that's not what I meant." I wasn't going to tell him my dick was throbbing. I don't think I have ever been this hard before. Hearing him talk about me and how he liked me really got me worked up. "Look, I'm not looking for an answer from you right now. Think about it. If you ever want to talk to me about anything than just give me a call. Whatever you say to me Noah - and I mean whatever - stays between the two of us. I will never repeat a word you say to another soul. You can trust me." "Thank you." "No problem. So will I see you on Saturday then?" "Yeah ... I think so." "Excellent. Now I have something to look forward to." "Alright, I should get going." "Okay. I'm glad you picked up the phone Noah. Remember you can call me whenever you want." "Thanks." "Have a good night babe." I couldn't help but blush at him calling me babe. "Night." Wow - that clearly did not go as planed. Oh Noah what have you gotten yourself into! --- Alright folks that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Remember if you have any feedback, comments or questions I can be reached at mr_e08@hotmail.com. Until next time. Ethan.