Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2013 01:45:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Kyle Bryson <bryson.kyle@yahoo.com>
Subject: One Step At A Time - 9

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Disclaimer: The following story may contain scenes of unprotected sex.
Always use caution when engaging in ANY sexual activity with a new or
unknown partner. Be honest with yourself... you might not know the other
person as well as you think and a fun fuck just isn't worth the risk.

Thanks for reading and feel free to contact me with your comments at
bryson.kyle@yahoo.com

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I woke slowly Saturday and didn't immediately think about someone being in
bed with me until I sensed Ryan's presence.  It was obvious the sun was up
and when I opened my eyes I saw Ryan facing away from me, the sheet laying
across his hips... the comforter kicked off the bed sometime during the
night.  Of course, I remembered everything right away, and replayed it all
quickly in my mind.  My dick responded to the memories and to the thought
that Ryan and I had taken a huge step forward with each other... but that
he'd been so careful not to push me.  I looked at his muscular, tan back
and the tan line at his waist, then scooted closer to him in bed... not
caring if I woke him.  He was in MY bed and I wanted to be next to him
again.

I don't know if he was awake at first, but he responded almost immediately
by arching his back and pressing himself tighter against me.  I pressed my
body fully against his... my arm under his pillow... my nose and lips at
his neck.  Even though we'd taken a shower last night, I could smell him -
his scent - and I gently pulled air through my nose to breathe him in.
'This is so different from being with a woman,' I thought, then easily
released the comparison because I didn't care about it.

Ryan turned his head slightly toward me, whispering, "Hi."

"Hey," I responded.

"How you doing?" Ryan asked me.

"Great," I said.  I wanted him to know I was totally fine with this.
"You?"

He reached back and touched my hip.  "I'm great too."

We stayed like that for a while... just enjoying the feeling of being close
to each other.  I draped my arm over him exploring the hair on his chest,
feeling his nipples, appreciating the ridges of his abs and hesitated just
a moment before moving my fingers further down - into his pubic hair.  His
cock was hard and I gently moved the back of my hand across the head of his
cock.

"That feels good," Ryan said.

"Mm-hm," I answered him.  My mind was racing ahead and I was thinking about
doing more with him - TO him - but I didn't want to rush it... didn't want
to end the build-up of energy between us.  The anticipation of something
more was exciting and I didn't want to lose that feeling, but the longer I
lay pressed against him the more excited I felt.  I kissed Ryan's neck and
traced a line with my tongue to his ear.  I brought my tongue back into my
mouth to taste him... to see what it would do to the inside of my mouth and
I wanted to taste more of him.

His hard cock was leaking precum onto the back of my hand, so I moved my
fingers to his cock-head.  I rubbed my index finger along his cock-slit,
knowing how incredible that feels then brought my finger to my
mouth... licking it from my finger - fascinated by the light taste of
another man.  I'd tasted my own precum - and had tasted my own cum a few
times - but never thought about doing it with another guy... but now - with
Ryan in my arms - I couldn't deny myself this pleasure.  I WOULDN'T deny
myself this pleasure.  I did it several more times... just wanting to taste
more of him and to push myself a little more.

I pulled away from him and he groaned, but I quickly pushed him onto his
back and moved myself over the top of him... pressing him underneath my
body - fully resting my weight on him.  I gently kissed Ryan - with the
thought in my mind that we both had morning breath - but I wasn't repulsed
by it.  I kissed him down his neck... moved to his nipple.  Fuck - I'd
sucked plenty of women's nipples before, but I loved the hair around Ryan's
nipple and teased it with my tongue.  No other chest ever ignited this fire
in me.  I kissed his other nipple and raised myself off of him so that I
could explore lower... moving down Ryan's chest to his abs... tracing my
tongue along the ridges of his hairy six-pack of muscles.

Now, we were both breathing heavy and it felt intense to have his stomach
rise and fall quickly underneath me, hearing his breathing become quicker.
I pushed the sheet off of us and we were now fully exposed.

"You don't have to do this," he said.  "You're not ready for this."

I was scared, there was no doubt, and I could barely catch my breath.  But
I wanted to know what a cock would feel like in my mouth... I had to know
how Ryan's cock would taste.  I moved to his throbbing dick and gently
licked the head taking his precum into my mouth and receiving a deep moan
from Ryan.  I looked up at him and saw that he was looking down at me.  I
knew how it looked because I'd watched so many women do that to me and I
loved looking down on them while they sucked my cock, so I opened my mouth
wide while looking into his eyes and scooped his cock into my mouth.

"Ohhhgod," Ryan moaned, and I immediately thought of my roommates.  My room
was the most soundproof of them all and furthest back in the house, but I
didn't want them to know what was going on in here, so I quietly said,
"shhh" and he nodded.

I put my hand around the base of Ryan's cock and lifted it up, licked my
lips and brought my mouth to it again, licking the lead and tasting his
skin.  I smiled and looked up at Ryan.  He smiled too.

"You like that, huh?" he asked and I nodded.  I did like it and the fear
and nerves that had been there just moments before were gone, replaced by a
hunger for more that pushed me further down his body, licking down his cock
to his balls... feeling the skin against my lips and tongue.  Ryan spread
his legs and I moved lower... licking his balls and moving them up so that
I could lick below them.  I wasn't trying to lick his asshole, but I
thought about it - and the more I licked around his cock and balls, the
more I wanted to put my tongue in his ass.

I knew how good it felt to me to have a tongue at my asshole and I wanted
to give Ryan that pleasure, so I leaned back onto my knees and lifted his
legs off the bed.  When I looked at his face his eyes were wide with
excitement and surprise and I smiled before dropping my face to his ass, my
tongue ready.  I moved my tongue into the hair... moving it aside until I
felt a warm, hairless spot in the middle... and that's where I focused.  I
didn't know what to do, so I just moved my tongue around - flicking it from
side-to-side, up-and-down.  It was so different from a pussy, and I almost
started laughing when I thought of that, but here I was... giving Ryan the
sensations I loved and he was squirming with arousal underneath me.

"Ahhh... fuck," he hissed, and his reaction told me I was doing it right,
so I continued what I was doing... but as he started using his own power to
hold his legs up I was able to use my fingers to gently pull his ass
further apart.  "I want you to fuck me," he breathed.

I wanted his mouth on my body - wanted to feel the same sensations I was
creating for him, but how could I communicate that to him?  What do men say
to each other in this setting?  I moved back up to his cock and thought he
might forget if I started doing something different.  Instead, he leaned up
and pushed me back onto the bed.

"Condoms," he said... it wasn't a question... it was almost a demand, and I
pointed to the nightstand.  He opened the top drawer and grabbed the
condoms and KY.  When he turned to me, he had a huge smile on his face as
he held up the KY.  "Such a straight boy," he said and I shrugged because I
didn't get the joke.  "I'm going to get your cock so hard you'll be begging
to fuck me," he said, "and then - you WILL fuck me."

He immediately went to my cock wrapping his entire mouth around it... his
tongue swirling around my cockhead, creating sensations like I'd never felt
before.  I felt my cock go all the way down his throat and looked down to
see that I could only see the top of his head... my cock hidden by Ryan's
mouth and my pubes buried in his face.  I pushed my head back into the
mattress, arched my back and spread my legs and I knew the answer to my
question... men are better at giving head, no doubt.  The feelings were
intense and I grunted, keeping the sound in my throat to keep my roommates
from hearing me.  When I looked down, Ryan was watching me... getting even
more excited and obviously getting pleasure from giving me the gift of his
mouth.

I looked up at the ceiling, at the corners or the room, at the pictures of
the walls... my eyes darting around everything in my vision and periphery,
but not focusing on anything except the intense building pleasure coming
from Ryan's expert treatment of my cock.  He was right... I did want to
fuck him and I wanted to fuck him now.

"Let's fuck," I said and he wasted no time grabbing the condom.  "What do I
do?" I asked, my breathing ragged and my cock aching for release.

Ryan rolled the condom onto my cock and grabbed the lube.  "Lots of lube
for your cock and lots of lube for my ass."  He grabbed my hand, squirted
some onto my fingers then turned around - his ass pointing to me - waiting
for me to do something.  We were almost in a 69 position, except he wasn't
straddling me.  I pushed my brain into overdrive trying to think of how
this would work best... wasn't there something that would shoot lube up
there?  That would make sense...

"I... umm... uh..." - ohgod - I was ruining this.

Ryan turned and looked at me.  "Work the lube into my hole... one finger at
a time until I tell you to stop."

"How many fingers are going up there?"  I was confused.

"Two or three," he said, "but I'll let you know what I'm ready."

I used the glob of lube Ryan put on my fingers and spread it onto his hole.
I figured I would start with my index finger and pressed it against his
asshole, thinking it would go in easily - just like a pussy.  It didn't.
So, I pressed a little harder and saw his ass flex out and my finger
started going in.  I know where the prostate is, so I aimed for that and
heard him moan.  'Whew, I did something right,' I thought.

It felt so much different from a pussy - and I hated to keep making that
comparison, but it was the only other thing I'd known... but it was so much
tighter - and felt so much hotter.  'Everyone's body is 98.6 degrees,' I
thought then I started concentrating on what I was doing.  Thinking about
my cock going in there was turning me on and my dick was throbbing.  I was
ready to move this along faster... ready to put another finger in there,
but I kept moving my index finger around... feeling his prostate, using my
finger like I would use my cock, finger-fucking the hole that was waiting
for my dick.  I did that for a while and used my other hand to rub his
hairy ass... spreading his ass cheeks apart so I could have a better view
of what I was doing.  He turned his head with a big smile on his face and
nodded, so I took that as a sign he was ready for another finger.

I pulled my index finger out and pushed my middle finger in on it's own.
Longer, thicker and stronger, but it went in with ease this time, so after
doing the same thing with my middle finger a few times, I pulled almost all
way out and put my index finger there with it.  I decided for a vertical
approach, so I turned my wrist and wiggled my index finger to try to get it
inside with my middle finger.  Again, I saw Ryan's asshole flex and my
finger went in as he opened up more.

Once in there, I could turn my wrist in a circle and worked to loosen the
muscles down there.  I actually smiled at myself because this was getting
easier and made sense to me now... and now I could relax and enjoy it more.
Ryan handed me the KY and said, "more," so I knew I'd need to get more
worked into his hole.  I flipped the cap up and squirted some directly onto
his asshole then used my fingers to get more inside.

"One more finger," he said and I brought my ring finger up to his hole.  I
realized I still had my class ring on, so I had to slide that off, but once
I got the ring removed and threw it onto the floor I brought my ring finger
up to his hole.  I was surprised at how easily I was able to get that
finger in and now I had three fingers up Ryan's ass and was happy with
myself.  It was tougher to fuck him with three fingers, but I tried to be
gentle because I knew I was just getting his ass ready for my cock.

This whole time, Ryan had been licking my nuts and keeping me hard, but now
he looked back at me and smiled and I knew he was ready.

I didn't want to waste any time, so I pulled my fingers out and went to put
KY on my dick when I noticed brown stuff on my fingers.  Not shit,
necessarily, but I knew it was something like that.  I grimaced, but caught
myself before Ryan could see my face.  I wasn't disgusted... just hadn't
thought it through, so I wiped my fingers on the sheet and went back to the
KY bottle.  Ryan said to use a lot, so I put a good-sized squirt into my
hand then worked it over my dick.  Ryan was still in a doggie position and
I was glad, because this was one of my favorites.

I leaned into him and pressed my cockhead at his hole.

"Nice and slow," he said, and I realized that my cock was a lot bigger and
fatter than my three fingers had been.  I pressed forward and he leaned
back and I felt the head go in.

"Oooof," Ryan muttered, breathing in and out in rapid breaths.  I waited -
not wanting to do anything to cause him pain... actually second-guessing
this whole thing if it was going to hurt him - but I stayed there... not
moving, just feeling his tight asshole around my cock.  Ryan pushed back
against me and I pushed forward gently to steady myself - feeling my cock
ease further into him.

I looked down and said, "We're almost half-way," and he turned his head and
smiled.

"I know you've got a big fucker, Marc... but it feels so fucking good."

I was starting to get anxious... starting to get really anxious and ready
to start thrusting, but I breathed out, too - blowing air onto his back
because it was getting hot in my room.  And I was trying to stay calm and
think of how I could make this feel better for him.  I leaned over and felt
my dick come out a little, so I pushed forward to go back in and felt his
asshole give... and felt my cock slide all the way in and we both moaned
together.

"Mygod, that's tight," I said, and he laughed.

"Myfuck, that's big," he said.  I saw the fine mist of sweat now coating
his back.

"Thank you," I replied smiling, feeling every bit like the stud in the
room.

I leaned down to kiss his back and he arched up forcing me even deeper
inside.  I used the sheet to wipe the excess lube from my hand, then held
onto his hip.  With my clean hand I reached around for his dick and pumped
my hand up and down a few times.

"Fuck me," he said, and even though I was ready to pound him I pulled back
gently, because no man should hurt the person he's fucking - even if he is
fucking another man - and then I pushed back in gently.  As I pulled back,
Ryan would arch his back and as I pushed back in he would arch the opposite
way.  We were creating our own fucking rhythm and it felt so good.  I
wanted this to last, but the whole situation was so different and exciting
that I feared I might cum too quickly.  It wasn't happening yet, so I just
kept up with Ryan and did what felt good.  We weren't in the rhythm long,
though, before he stopped... and it immediately made me nervous.

"What's wrong?  What'd I do?" I asked, sure I was doing something totally
wrong.

"Come out... I want to lay on my back," he said.  "I want to see you."

I pulled my cock out and he immediately went to his back, legs in the air,
hole exposed for me.  Ryan's cock was rock hard and I positioned my dick
back at his hole and pushed.  It went in easier this time, but still felt
incredibly tight.

"Oh... right there... yeah, right there," Ryan said, looking into my eyes
smiling.  "Ohhh, oohh, right there," he started cooing... louder and louder
until I leaned down and stifled his words and moans by kissing him.  His
ass was tensing underneath me and creating an incredible feeling.  I wanted
to cum, but wanted to wait for him... and actually started trying to figure
it all out in my head... how the fuck can we cum together?  We created our
own rhythm this way and it was so much more intense to have him underneath
me like this... so much more intimate and passionate.  I was
smiling... could feel the huge smile on my face and looked to see that he
was also smiling, enjoying the sensations.  I was going to raise myself up
and start jacking him when I felt his ass clamp down on my cock.

"I'm close," Ryan whispered and I started thrusting for all I was
worth... trying to get us both to the same place at the same time.
"Ohgod," he said and I felt his cock jerk against my stomach.  I looked
down and saw the first shot jump out of his cock, then saw the second shot
heading right for my face, just barely missing me and then I felt myself
reach the point of no return... my own orgasm exploding underneath me.

"Oh," Ryan exclaimed loudly... "Ohgod, ohyeah... ohfuck," he said as I shot
into him, thrusting and cumming.  I was groaning and growling... trying to
keep my voice down, but this was the most intense orgasm I'd felt in a long
time.  I leaned up to look at him... cum covering his hairy stomach and
chest and smiled at how great it felt to be in this position with another
guy... with Ryan.  He kept thrusting against me and I kept
pumping... loving the feeling of his ass... the heat and tightness
squeezing my dick in a way I'd never felt before.  Ryan reached up and
pulled my head down, pushing his tongue into my mouth - playing his tongue
across my tongue and across my teeth... he sucked my lip and reached for it
with his teeth, gently nibbling my bottom lip before moving to kiss my neck
and shoulders.

We kept moving like that... kissing each other's necks and ears... licking
as much as we could.  I licked his armpit - I don't know why I did it... it
was there and it felt right and he seemed to love it when I did it.  The
thrusting continued, but was slowing down as we enjoyed tasting each
other's bodies.  I didn't think about time.  I didn't think about anything
other than finding areas to lick and suck and taste.  I gave him a quick,
dark hickey under his armpit because I wanted him to see if for a few days
and remember WHEN he got it... commemorating this moment with a mark on his
body.  We were finished fucking and I lay on top of him... his cum
sandwiched between us - gooey and sticky, but not uncomfortable for me.  I
was ready to lay next to him, so I pulled my barely softening cock out and
lay on my back, the sweat immediately feeling cold against the sheet.  Ryan
leaned into my chest and put his hand on my pecs.

"Your heartbeat is so strong," he said after a few minutes and I smiled at
him.

I just lay there with him... enjoying the moment and trying not to let
negative thoughts destroy this... forcing them out of my head to be dealt
with later.  We lay there together... calming down - his cum drying on both
of us, but I didn't care.

"That was... wow," I said.

Ryan leaned onto his elbow and looked at me.  "Yeah - it was."

I saw him stroking my chest, his fingers tracing themselves along the tiny
stretchmarks just inside my armpit.

"They're ugly, aren't they?" I asked.

"No... they're beautiful," Ryan said.  "You're beautiful."  I laughed.
"What?" he asked.

"Another first right there," I answered.  "I've never been called
beautiful... and now, well... you are so many 'firsts' for me."  There.  It
was now out of my head and hanging in the air.

He brought his hand to my face and traced my jawline, ran his fingers along
my eyebrows... smoothing them down, his fingers playing across my nose and
lips.


"Are you ok?" he asked, and I knew what he meant.

"Oh yeah... better than ok."

"Good," Ryan said, then put his head on my chest.  "How will this work for
you?" he asked, then, "Nevermind.  Let's not ruin it with talking right
now, ok?"

"I'm fine with that.  Want to get a shower?"

He agreed, so we got in the shower together - helping each other, but not
the same as last night.  I DID feel different toward Ryan, but I wasn't
sure what it meant or how to interpret the feelings, so I figured I
wouldn't worry about it at the moment.

"We need condoms without spermicide," he said as we were drying off, and it
made me laugh because I'd never thought about that before.

"Yeah - guess you can't get pregnant, huh?"

"Uhhh... nope... and I got some of that spermicide shit in my mouth when I
was licking down there.  Ugh," he said, adding a fake spit for emphasis.
"Oh, and we REALLY need to get some real lube.  That KY isn't worth shit."

I smiled, but it made me think... 'for next time?  Would there be a next
time and a time after that?'

Ryan read my face.  "There you go... you've got the losing poker hand face
going."  He had a nervous smile on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders.  "What do you have going on today?"

"Not much.  You?"

"Let's go get some breakfast," I said.  "Then we can talk and hang-out,
ok?"

"Sounds good."

So, we got dressed and headed out of my room around 10:30.  The house was
quiet, and from the vehicles that were missing, it seemed that all of my
roommates were already gone for the day.  Ryan wanted to drive, so we
headed to Denny's.  I didn't want to distract him, but I wanted to look at
him... wanted to allow this to really sink-into my mind.

"What?" he asked when he noticed me looking.

"Nothing... just looking at you," I said.  "YOU are beautiful, too," I
added and he smiled.

"Bet you say that to everyone you've just fucked," - then paused - "I'm
sorry... that didn't come out right."  He looked at me with an apologetic
look.

I smiled at him.  "You don't have to be so nervous about what you say
around me, ok?  I'm not in 'over-reaction mode' and I won't take everything
you say as having some deep, hidden meaning behind it.  Ok?"  He nodded.
We pulled into the parking lot and he parked, but neither of us got out.
He turned to look at me and I started talking again.  "I already like you,
Ryan - hell, we just had sex and I want you to know that it DOES mean
something to me.  I'm not sure what that looks like just yet, but it's not
a throw-away kind of thing to me.  Ok?"

He smiled and looked reassured.  "Ok," he said and opened his door.  "Let's
go inside."

It looked like we arrived in between their breakfast rush and lunch rush,
so we got seated quickly.  I asked for a table a little more away from
everyone and we were shown to a booth near the kitchen.  I figured that
would be good because the kitchen noise would help drown out our
conversation.  The waitress, a cute co-ed, came to our table with water and
we ordered immediately, both knowing what we like to eat at Denny's.  I was
thirsty like a mother fucker, so I told the waitress to bring me 3 more
glasses of water with no ice and she was off.

I figured I should start the conversation since I had something to say.

"Well, I don't usually fuck on the first date," I started and Ryan busted
out laughing immediately.  The waitress brought the extra water to the
table, then left.

"Yeah - me either," he said.

"No - seriously.  What do we talk about?" I asked.  "Is there something
expected?  Do I have to buy you breakfast now or..." I was being sarcastic
and he read it.

"What are you looking for?  Relationship-wise, I mean..." Ryan asked me.

I shrugged.  "I don't know," I answered.  "Well, no - that's not true - I
haven't been looking for a relationship.  I told you - girls are too clingy
and I don't have the time or patience for that right now."  I drank a full
glass of water and sat it back on the table.

"Have you ever considered dating a guy?" Ryan asked.

I knew where this was going.  "No.  I haven't.  Even when Joey told me he
was gay, I never thought, 'Hmmm... I wonder what it would be like to go out
with a guy,' or anything like that."  Ryan's face showed his
disappointment.  "Hey - I'm just being honest here," I said and he gave me
a half-smile.  "But being totally honest - I really liked what we did this
morning... well, last night and this morning.  I know, most of it was just
physical, but it wasn't just physical with me... and I'm not just saying
that."

"So, you think there could be something with you and me?" he asked.

"I know how to do a 'double leg takedown,'" I said.  "And I know how to
sing a 6th above any given note.  I don't know how to move into a
relationship - I mean a REAL relationship - with another man.  It almost
seems so foreign to me.  I mean, it's not like women because they're just a
different species altogether." We laughed.  "And it's not about 'coming
out' or anything like that.  I'm not afraid of what someone says or thinks
about me, ok?  I just feel like I don't know what to DO.  I'm not trying to
weigh risks or anything like that because it really won't matter to the
people who know me... and if anyone tries to give me shit about it, I'll
kick their ass."

Ryan nodded.  "You can certainly take care of yourself if it comes to
that."

"That's not even what I mean," I said.  "I do feel like I'm changing a
little bit lately... maybe - well, fuck - of course I'm changing.  I'm more
open to this stuff or what happened with us wouldn't have happened, right?"

"Yeah," he said.  "But what about my question?  I'm just... I'm thinking of
Tuesday in class.  When you see me are you just going to be like, 'hey,
Ryan,' and move on like nothing happened or...?"

I shrugged and shook my head.  "I didn't think that far ahead - and I'm
sorry, because I don't want to hurt you.  I CAN tell you this much... there
certainly isn't going to be another guy that I'll be looking to get with -
and I'm not looking to get into a relationship with a woman right now... I
already told you that."

The waitress brought our food and I thanked her.

"Well, aren't you going to say something mean to her, too?" he asked me
smiling.  I laughed.  Of course, she didn't get that he was referencing
what I said to the waitress at Longhorn, so she told us to let her know if
we needed anything and walked away.  It was starting to get busy, so she
probably wouldn't be bothering us much anyway.

"Where were we?" I started.  "Oh - so, look... I DO feel like there's
something between us.  Something more than friendship.  Do you agree?"

He nodded.  "Yes."

"But I don't know how to do that.  I don't know what that means for me or
what I DO with that feeling.  Ryan, you're a good guy - a really good
person - so... I'm thinking, 'what if this guy likes me and we... go out
and we go further and then I decide it's not what I want?'  Then, I'll have
hurt you and messed-up your life.  I'd rather lose your friendship totally
- right now - than do that to you.  I know you don't have a self-esteem
problem, but I think you're 'a catch' for someone.  I just don't know if
that 'someone' is me... I just don't know."

We ate in silence for a few minutes, but kept looking at each other.

"You think too much," he said.  I shrugged in agreement.  "I know you're an
Econ major, but you can't make everything in life fit into a spreadsheet or
put it on a graph, Marc.  Relationships get messy... and they don't always
follow a prescribed path.  You can't try to force them in a direction
because there are two people involved... two people with very different
lives and ideas and needs... and, and... and expectations.  I don't know if
this is easier than having a girlfriend because it was junior high school
when I last had a girlfriend - and that doesn't really count - but, I know
being with another man takes work at first because of the other obstacles
that are there already."

He took a breath and I just listened... watching him, thinking and taking
it all in.

"I like you," Ryan continued.  "I tried not to like you, but I do.  And
every time I see you lately I've just felt this emptiness inside me
because... yeah, there's something there for me too.  Something deeper than
friendship.  I feel it too... and normally, I would ask the guy out on a
date or he would ask me, but there's nothing normal about our situation."

"No, there isn't" I said, "and you're right.  I am over-thinking this.  I'm
complicating it with all the shit going on in my head.  And I know I'm an
enigma - a wrestler with a soft heart.  I'm trying NOT to define this as 'a
gay thing,' not because I'm afraid of that title, but... well, I know I'm
not gay.  I mean, a gay guy doesn't like women, right?  Doesn't like to
have sex with women and isn't attracted to women, right?"

Ryan nodded.  "Yeah - no attraction to women here and NO desire to have sex
with one.  Nope," he said motioning to himself.

"Ok... so, I'm not losing my fucking mind." I continued and smiled.  "But,
as far as I can remember, I've NEVER thought of having sex with another
guy.  I didn't do the circle jerk thing in high school - although I heard
of it happening - but maybe there's always been something there and it just
took the right person at the right time to bring it out."  I shrugged.  "I
dunno."

I still had a shit-load of food on my plate, so I started shoveling it in
before it got cold.  I looked at Ryan and he laughed at me.

"You're so damn hot," he said.  "Everything about you turns me on... the
way you eat, the way you hold your fork, the way your eyebrows raise up
when you smile and how... when you look at me I feel like you're really
looking only at me and I don't care if there's anyone else around, because
you're looking at ME and it feels so good."

"Damn, we're a mushy bunch," I said smiling, now thinking about what
happens with my eyebrows when I smile.  "I'm thinking about
this... churning it around in my head... thinking, 'ok... Ryan as my
boyfriend - what does THAT look like?  Do we kiss in public?  Hold hands?
Send each other love notes?'"  I know my face was serious, but he was
smiling.  "What?"

"There you go again... building a spreadsheet in your head with columns for
everything and wondering where to put the check marks," he answered.

"Ok - yeah, I am, but we've all had to do that sometime.  I mean, we have
to learn how it works and - listen, if I do this - I mean, if WE do this -
I want it to be right."

"Marc, I already told you... we don't have to work everything out up-front.
I shouldn't have pushed that... about what we'll do when we see each other
in class.  I'm just - I mean, fuck - think of what the other gay guys in
class would think if they knew I was dating YOU.  Ohmygod, they'd be so
jealous."  Ryan giggled a little at that and had a huge smile on his face.

"See?  And I need to think of those things... because then those same guys
will start talking to ME about being gay and - oh, who knows what else -
and I only want to do this with you... not with everyone else.  Fuck, how
did I get here?"  I really was starting to get overwhelmed and I know it
showed.

"Uh-oh... there's that 'losing hand poker face' again," Ryan said nervously
with a tight smile.

"No... I'm not an idiot," I countered.  "I feel like I've got a winning
hand with you.  The guys should be jealous of ME," I said.  "I don't know
why they haven't been all over YOU."  I felt like I'd been climbing a huge
mountain and was almost at the top.  I took a deep breath.  "Let's do
this," I said.  "Let's try it."

"Let's do what?  Try what?" Ryan asked me.

"Dating each other.  Let's try that," I said, and I was serious.

"And what?  Do we tell people we're dating? Or..." Ryan was smiling, but
now HE was the one thinking it through.

"That's what I was trying to say," I said.  "How does this work?  Ok - wait
a minute... if I was dating a girl what would I do?"  I looked out the
window while thinking, then back at Ryan.  "Because, to me, this is
basically the same thing... you're a person, not JUST another guy... you're
also a real human being, who..."

"Thanks for noticing," he interrupted and laughed.

I laughed too.  "Shut up, smart ass.  Ok... let me finish this... so, I'm
dating someone and it's just me and her... Wait.  It seems weird that you
and I would be exclusive already, but I think that's the only way to give
this a fair shot, right?"

He nodded.  "You already said you're not looking for someone else and I
haven't been interested in anyone in over a year, so - yeah."

"Ok," I continued, talking fast because the ideas and pictures in my head
were flowing so quickly now, "so, I would hold her hand and kiss her in
public.  I'd want her to feel special and have other people notice us so
that she would know I really like her and would get a little kick out of
that...  What?"  I asked him.

"I'd definitely get a kick out of kissing you in public," Ryan said.  "God,
this is exciting."  He seemed to be jumping out of his skin over there.

"Hold your horses there, dude.  I have a crazy life schedule, so I'll have
to get you a calendar, ok?"  He nodded.  "And I don't do 'clingly' and I
don't like it when the person I'm dating starts acting all jealous and
shit, got it?"

"Yeah," Ryan answered.

"And - damn - and I don't know who's the guy and who's the...  how the fuck
does this even work?" I asked, smiling, but still trying to figure it out.
"Y'know what?  Nevermind.  It's working on feelings.  I like you and you
like me, right?"  He nodded.  "Damn, I mean - do you even WANT to date me?
I feel like I just assumed a ton of shit, but I don't think you've even
said it."

"Marc, will you go steady with me?" Ryan asked me, putting his hand across
the table, palm open.

I smiled at him and the joy in his eyes cut right into me.  "Yeah.  Will
you go out with ME?"  I put my hand in his and we held hands across the
table.

"Yes, I will," he said.

The waitress came to our table then, but I didn't move my hand and Ryan
didn't move his either.  She noticed immediately.  "Did you two have a
fight and just make up or something?" she asked with a little twinkle in
her eye.

Ryan looked at me... waiting for my answer.

"We just decided to start dating," I said smiling back at Ryan.

"I would never have pegged you two for being gay," she said.  "No offense."

I looked at her, then back at Ryan.  "I wasn't, but he changed me," I said.
"It's all his fault."

She stood there - apparently stunned - and Ryan's eyes started tearing-up.

"Well, congratulations.  But, I guess what they say is true... all the
best-looking ones are gay," she said, leaving the bill on the table and
walking away.

We sat there holding hands across the table as a tear fell from Ryan's
face.

"So now what?" I asked him.

"I'm so happy.  I just want to tell someone," he said.

"Ummm, dude, we just did."  We both laughed.

I dropped his hand to get the bill and my wallet, but he snatched it from
me.  "This is mine," he said.  I shrugged.  Ryan left cash on the table,
but not before catching our waitress's eye to let her know he was leaving
cash.

We walked outside to his car and he came to the passenger side with me.  He
unlocked it, leaned in to open the door, but pushed me back against the car
and planted a hard kiss on my mouth.  I pushed against him and kissed him
back, our mouths opening and tongues touching.  It wasn't a long kiss, but
it was very passionate and when he broke the kiss, he opened the door for
me.

"Really?" I asked smirking.

"Now I get to show you how important you are to me... this is chivalry," he
replied.

"Ok - thank you," I said, getting into the car.  I pulled my legs in and he
closed the door behind me, then got in to drive.  "Ok, loverboy... back to
my place."

As we drove away I thought of the exchange with the waitress.  "Y'know, I
meant what I said back there.  You changed me."

He smiled.  "I don't know what to say to that."

"I wish I'd been more witty with her, though," I said.  "I just wasn't in
the moment for being a smart ass, but I saw this t-shirt one time that
said, 'I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.'  I wish I'd said something like
that."

Ryan busted out laughing.  "Now I know what to get your for your first
present."

<><><><>

Thank you for writing.  I DO return all emails, so please feel free to drop
me a note.  In addition, if you'd like to read some of my other stories,
the links are below:

http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/beginnings/yard-work/

http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/one-step-at-a-time/