This
story
concerns adult and teenage gay
males who may be involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for
you to
read such stories, or if you do not like to read such stories, please
leave
now.
This
story is
copyright 2006 by the author who retains all rights.
This
is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the author's imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
entirely coincidental.
This is my
third submission to Nifty. My
previous submissions can be found in the High School section under
Kiel’s Story. Any comments or questions are
welcome at: carl_holiday@att.net.
A warm
thank you goes out to all who
write. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff,
whether you
like it or not. I try to answer all emails, even flames. (I’m a writer,
I live
for rejection.) Although sometimes it takes a little time to get back
to
you, I do
try to answer. If I'm remiss in replying to yours, I apologize.
The Pastel Cowboy
by Carl Holiday
Chapter
10 – Recovery and Return
“Morning Sunshine,
how’re you
doing this fine morning?”
Zach looked up with
his one good
eye and saw a short, skinny woman, with straight, shoulder length
blonde hair
and hardly any breasts, but with the warmest smile he’d seen in a long,
long
while. Her name tag said, “Margo Ledbetter, LPN.” He waited a moment as
the
events of the previous night flooded through his mind and he silently
took
inventory of his body. There was the cast on his right arm, the bandage
over
his left eye, and an incredible pain throughout his body. It didn’t
seem to be
in any particular place, but everywhere at the same time and same
intensity. He
looked at the IV in his arm and the push button switch that had fallen
out of
his bruised left hand. He picked it up and depressed the button.
“Good, you
remembered,” Nurse
Ledbetter said. “Still in a lot of pain, Sunshine?”
Zach nodded. He
wasn’t
certain if he was awake or if this was only some weird dream. Maybe he
was
still out in that alley. He felt a chill on his skin and felt blood
trickling
down his leg. Had he been knifed? He didn’t remember seeing Conan with
a knife,
but he was definitely bleeding. He tried to turn himself in bed. He had
to get
away from Conan. Blood was squirting out of a knife wound in his upper
right
thigh.
Slowly, he became
aware of a
hand pressing against his left shoulder, and looked up into the nurse’s
soft,
gray eyes. Up close, she was a lot older, probably someone’s momma. A
brief
thought passed through his mind as he wondered if her boy was cute and
his age.
He looked behind her and was surprised to see Conan coming at him with
the
knife.
“What is it
Sunshine?” Nurse
Ledbetter asked, pulling at his dressing gown.
“No!” Zach screamed
as the
knife sunk into his chest.
Zach vigorously
shook his
head and immediately wished he hadn’t as pain exploded through his
head. He
fell back onto the pillow gasping for air. He saw Conan move back, away
from
him, his blood dripping off the knife. He looked down at the blood
spurting
from his heart. He was dying.
“Come on, calm
down, I don’t
want to have to give you something,” Nurse Ledbetter said.
Zach tried to smile
at the
way she said it, like he really didn’t want her to give him something.
He had
to do this on his own and then he remembered words being whispered in
his ear,
“Don’t even think of telling who I am.” Was that Conan? Or, someone
else from
another time. He was so out of it, he couldn’t remember when, or how,
the words
came to him.
Suddenly, he felt
it coming
on again. He looked up into the nurse’s eyes as his breathing began to
quicken.
He felt his body tighten as muscles contracted. He had to get out of
the
hospital. He was in danger. He began to struggle against her tightening
grip.
“I need a little
help in
here,” Nurse Ledbetter called out.
Zach looked around
the room
with his uncovered eye. A movement of blue material caught his eye and
he felt
another set of hands push down on him.
“Zach, honey, calm
down, come
on, Sunshine, calm down,” Nurse Ledbetter’s voice felt strange as it
filtered
in through his panic.
He felt a burning
sensation
in his right hip and looked over into the eyes of an older,
grandmotherly,
face. She was smiling, but it was a determined, forced smile, as if he
was six
years old and she’d caught him fiddling with his dick in the bathtub.
And, then
everything kind of went blurry.
“He had a little
incident
earlier this morning,” a voice said as Zach’s awareness slowly came out
of the
fog of induced unconsciousness. “It’s understandable in cases such as
his. He’s
been through a lot in a short time. He had a reaction to the pain
medication
and was hallucinating, which caused a panic attack. We had to give him
something to calm him down so he’ll be a little groggy for a few hours.”
“Will he be
alright?” Paul asked.
Zach opened his
good eye even
though it wasn’t focusing properly, he watched the two men discuss his
situation. He wasn’t certain he wanted to face Paul. They’d told him to
be
careful, but he ignored both of them and the police.
“He’ll probably nod
off on
you,” the doctor said, but Zach felt more awake than earlier. “I’d
rather you
didn’t tire him too much. The police have already been here. At least
they
caught the bastard.”
“Yeah, but it
doesn’t sound
like much will happen.”
“Oh, he’ll get it
this time.
All those earlier incidents are going to come back and haunt him. Daddy
isn’t
going to be able to save his dear baby’s ass this time around. Daddy
has too
much to lose if he’s spread across every paper between here and
Houston.”
“I don’t know, he’s
got a lot
of connections from what I hear,” Paul said looking over and catching
Zach’s
eye. He stared for a moment then turned back to the doctor.
“You’d be surprised
how
quickly connections can be broken when it gets out that this isn’t the
first
time Daddy’s tried to use his connections to save his bastard’s ass.
This isn’t
Houston and the people up here won’t put up with
that kind of
shit.”
“Well, I’ll be
happy if Zach
comes out of this with just a little more sense than when he went in,”
Paul
said looking back over at Zach. He gave the boy a stern look, but Zach
simply
stared back at him.
“What was it
Einstein said
about common sense? Your protégé doesn’t have much time
left before it’s too
late for him.”
“Yeah, I’m
beginning to think
he hasn’t been listening for a long time. Well, doctor, I think Zach
has
returned to the land of the living. I’ll step out for a few minutes, if
you
need him first. I think I could use a cup of coffee.”
Zach watched Paul
leave as
the doctor walked over to the bed. He was young, probably not even
thirty by
the youthful look of his face, which was long with deep set hazel eyes
under
thin black brows. His short, curly, black hair was receding into a
hairpiece
commercial, but his smile was pleasant and inviting. The nametag over a
pocket
full of pens and stainless steel tools said, “Robert E. Lee, MD.”
“How’s my patient?”
Doctor
Lee said.
“Edwin or Edward?”
Zach
asked.
“Edgar, for my
paternal
grandfather.”
“The other is for
your other
grandfather?”
“No, my father,”
Doctor Lee
said. “You seem awfully chipper for someone who’s been beaten
unconscious and
then drugged senseless.”
“I’m trying really
hard to
stay awake,” Zach said. He smiled as he tried to hold back a chuckle.
“Well, kiddo, hold
on because
I’m going to make you hurt,” Doctor Lee said as he pulled back the
bedcovers. “Um,
this looks interesting. You’d expect a lot more bruising down here, but
this
appears to have come through this without any damage at all. Yes, this
is nice,
isn’t it? Um, this needs a little closer examination.”
Zach watched as
long as he
could as the doctor’s fingers went to work on his rapidly swelling
dick. When
the doctor’s mouth took him in, Zach lay back on his pillow and stared
at a
small spot of discolored paint on the ceiling. This was a man who knew
what he
was doing, only Zach couldn’t quite understand what the doctor was
doing. This
wasn’t supposed to be happening. Doctors weren’t supposed to give their
patients blowjobs.
When Zach felt a
fingertip
pressing against his pucker he spread his legs and shut his eyes,
taking
pleasure in the warm, moist sensations over the length of his engorged
member
and, now, the probing finger was vigorously seeking that nubbin of
excitement
inside.
Zach’s fingers
sought out
Doctor Lee’s head and began to luxuriate themselves in the soft texture
of
tight curls. He pressed his hand down on the back of the doctor’s head
bringing
himself added excitement as his orgasm neared. The good doctor was
taking all
of him and when Zach felt the finger reach the object of its desire his
eyes
flew open.
Cracked ribs sang
out as air
was drawn into the boy’s expanding chest, then quickly forced back out.
He
couldn’t imagine anything hurting so much and wanted to scream in
agony, but rapturous
delight forced unintelligible words from his mouth. He’d heard of
speaking in
tongues, but was certain it wasn’t meant to be like this.
His hips were
bucking nearly
uncontrollably against the increasing rhythm of Doctor Lee’s
manipulating lips,
tongue, and a finger that was giving him a prostate exam only an expert
could
give. The end was so near and Zach didn’t want to do anything to delay
the
inevitable. A stream of meaningless vocalizations gurgled out of his
throat as
he felt himself surge down the doctor’s throat.
Zach’s one good
hand flew
onto the bed and grabbed a handful of sheets as his body stiffened
against an
overwhelming orgasm of ecstasy. Gobs of pleasure spewed out of him in a
never
ending chain frenzied delight. His drug numbed body reverberated as
pleasurable
sensations flooded away from the wonderful manipulations of the young
doctor.
Soon, Zach could
only lie
still as his sated body relaxed in a wondrous afterglow of warmth and
happiness. He looked up into the good doctor’s eyes as full, moist lips
descended onto his own. Two fingers painfully tweaked his right nipple
and he
wanted so much to roll over and give himself to this beautiful person.
“I think you’re
going to be
okay,” Doctor Lee whispered. “Of course, you won’t be returning any
favors for
a few weeks, but I’m certain you know other ways to please.”
“If we had time,”
Zach
whispered, “you could have me, now.”
“I think we’d
better let your
body recover a little more before we go that far,” Doctor Lee said. He
softly
rubbed his hands over Zach’s body, pausing at each patch of discolored
skin. “Any
complaints?”
“My ribs,” Zach
said. He
watched the young doctor slender fingers softly poke and prod him,
wincing when
they touched a painful spot, and then squirming when they zeroed in on
a
sensitive area. Doctor Lee seemed to be looking for ticklish spots more
than
painful ones and Zach was having trouble not laughing out loud.
“You shouldn’t
excite
yourself so much,” Doctor Lee said when he poked up into Zach’s left
armpit and
hit the one spot Zach never told anyone about.
“You were the one
who’s exciting
me,” Zach said, squirming under the doctor.
“Yes, but I am the
doctor and
I know what I’m doing,” Doctor Lee said as he bent down and gently
pressed his
lips onto the boy’s mouth.
“You do it very
well,” Zach
said when the doctor rose again. “Will I see you again?”
“I don’t think
that’d be
advisable. We’ll keep you for another night in case you have another
panic
attack. You’re lucky to be alive, you know that? If the police weren’t
close
and hadn’t heard you call out, you’d be wrapped in plastic in the
basement of
the Public Safety Building right now. If you hadn’t moved your face to
take the
boot in the cheekbone, it would’ve plowed into the side of your skull.
That’s
not a good place to be kicked.”
Zach watched the
doctor
quietly pull the gown down over him and the bedcovers up in the
opposite
direction. He shut his eyes for a moment and smiled at the thought of
the
doctor lying next to him on the bed after the incredible mutual orgasm
they
were certain to have. He wanted that feeling, again. That feeling
Jeremy gave
him.
His eyes snapped
open as a
shiver swept through his body. Why had he thought of Jeremy at a time
like
this? What was going on within him that he couldn’t stop thinking about
the
boy’s wonderful smile, the touch of his fingers, and the smell of the
skin just
under the boy’s ear? Zach stared up at the ceiling as a little tear
trickled
down his cheek. He tried to brush it away with his right hand before
suddenly
realizing only his left hand was usable for such work.
He looked around
the room and
realized he was alone, again; alone to suffer his pain and anguish. He
hurt and
he missed Jeremy. He was a fool, a stupid fool. All he wanted last
night was
having sex with someone, anyone other than Jeremy, and he didn’t know
why he
felt like that.
A few hours later,
Paul came
in with Franny in tow. Zach had been waiting, thinking Paul had gone
for coffee
and would be back soon after Doctor Lee left him, but the longer he
waited the
longer it seemed Paul was going to show up. Eventually, Zach simply
went back
to sleep whether of his own volition or from the aftereffects of the
earlier
hypo he wasn’t certain, not that he really cared.
He watched Paul
warily,
expecting some foul comment on the previous night’s activities. With
Franny
there, he wasn’t all that certain Paul would hold his tongue, but Zach
wasn’t
in any mood to talk, either.
“Are you going to
die?”
Franny asked at the side of Zach’s bed. He looked scared.
“No, I don’t think
so,” Zach
said. He didn’t want to sound flippant, but suspected Franny was a lot
more scared
than he appeared.
“Is he going to
die?” Franny
asked, turning to Paul.
“He probably wishes
he was,
but Zach’s got a lot of life yet to live,” Paul said.
“But, he’s in the
hospital,”
Franny said. “My grampy died in a hospital.”
“I’m not going to
die,” Zach
said. He wanted to get out of the bed and comfort the little boy, but
that
wasn’t going to be. “How old was your grampy?”
“A hundred three,”
Franny
said. He was pulling at the blanket on Zach’s bed with nervous fingers.
“He was
Daddy’s grampy. He was old.”
“Maybe it was his
time to
go,” Paul said, kneeling down beside Franny.
“That’s what Mommy
said.”
“Well, I’m not that
old,”
Zach said.
“But, you’re in the
hospital,”
Franny said.
“I came here
because I was
beaten up.”
“Uncle David says
you’re here
’cuz you’re stupid,” Franny said. He looked up at Zach with teary eyes.
“Yeah, well, maybe
I am.”
Zach looked at
Paul, but
there didn’t seem to be any sympathy there. He didn’t expect sympathy
anyway.
Paul told him he thought with his dick and he had. This was all his
fault, his
need to be with another man had gotten the best of him until Conan gave
him the
worst he had to give. He looked down at Franny and felt something warm
his
heart. He cared. He felt he had hope.
“Come up here and
lay with
me,” Zach said.
Franny looked at
Paul, who
only shrugged his shoulders. The little boy scrambled up onto the bed
and got
onto Zach’s left side where he lay on his right side close to the older
boy.
Zach put his left
arm around
the boy and whispered in his ear, “You have to be very quiet or the
nurse will
make you leave. Can you be quiet?”
“Yes,” Franny
whispered.
“Good.”
Zach stared at Paul
with the
uncovered eye and wondered if he was still going to be able to get down
to the
studio. If there was too much scarring, especially around the face,
maybe Paul
wouldn’t want to paint him. Strangely, though, this didn’t seem to
bother him.
He felt miserable for being so foolish. He thought he was better than
that.
“How’s it going?”
Paul asked.
He sat down in the chair beside the bed. “The doctor said you had a
panic
attack this morning. Are you okay?”
“Kind of groggy
from the shot
they gave me,” Zach said.
“I suspected as
much, since
you were sound asleep when I came back from the cafeteria.”
“I was?” Zach
asked. His mind
raced back to just after Doctor Lee left him, but there weren’t enough
events
for him to recall being asleep that soon. He remembered being awake
when Paul
wasn’t there and then nodding off, but he couldn’t remember waking and
then
falling back to sleep. Maybe it was the aftereffects of the drug they
shot into
his butt.
Everything was
always the
same here and he hadn’t been watching the television. All he could
recall was
lying in the bed waiting for Paul to come in and then waking just
before Paul
and Franny just came in. He couldn’t even remember relieving himself,
but was
certain that must have occurred at least once or his bladder would be
screaming
at his inattention to its needs.
“Zach?”
“Huh?”
“Wake up. Come on,
can you at
least wake up to say goodbye to Franny?”
“Huh?”
“We’re going to get
some
lunch and we’ll be back in a couple hours.”
Zach looked over at
Paul, who
was now standing beside the bed. Franny was looking out the window. He
tried to
smile.
“Franny?”
“Huh?”
“Are you coming
back?” Zach
asked. He felt an overwhelming sense of sadness come upon him. It was
almost
enough to make him feel like crying.
“I gotta ’cuz I
didn’t go
with Uncle David,” Franny said. He was still looking out the window.
Zach could
tell the little boy was still nervous about being in the hospital.
“Too bad you can’t
take him
out to that ranch we were at yesterday,” Zach said. “He seemed to enjoy
playing
with Brent and Chantelle.”
“Yeah, well, that’s
not going
to happen,” Paul said. “Come on, Franny, let’s go get a burger.”
“Bye, Zach,” Franny
said with
a little wave.
“Bye,” Zach said.
Unfortunately, Paul
and
Franny didn’t come back after lunch. Zach lay in his bed mostly feeling
sorry
for being in his current situation and bored out of his mind with
nothing to
read, nothing to watch on the television, no one to talk to, and
nothing to do
except keep nodding off and waking up realizing nothing about his
situation improved
to the slightest degree.
Sometime in the
afternoon, a
nurse came in and got Zach out of bed. He figured she was just checking
to see
if he was going to pass out. When he didn’t, she handed him a flimsy
robe to
put over his gown and pointed him toward the hall.
“Take a walk,” she
said. “Out
the door turn right and once around the nurse’s station.”
Since it was
something to do,
he didn’t complain. Why he decided to go slow, he wasn’t certain, but
as he
made his way along the hall, Zach started looking into the other rooms.
After
three rooms, he figured he was on a pediatric floor because there were
only
kids in the rooms; and, as best he could figure, a lot of them were
worse off
than him.
When he made his
first
circuit, he began to pay closer attention to his neighbors. There was a
little
girl in the first room. She couldn’t have been much more than six and
was wired
and plumbed; and, she was very much asleep. A woman—Zach guessed her
mother—was
also asleep in the chair beside the bed. A constant beep from the heart
monitor
filled the room with its obnoxious tone.
The next room had a
boy,
maybe twelve, with casts on both his legs and his left arm. Zach looked
down
over his clothed body then, again, at the boy whose face was turned
toward the
window where a young man, maybe an older brother, was sitting. They
were softly
talking.
The boy in the next
room was
alone. He reminded Zach of Franny. Skinny, small, long dirty blonde
hair with
an unruly bang hanging over his eyes, but it was the empty eyes staring
back at
him that froze Zach’s feet to the floor. This little boy was very, very
alone,
he said to himself.
“Hi,” Zach said at
the door.
“Doing anything special?”
“No,” the boy said
in a barely
audible whisper.
“Mind if I come in?”
The boy didn’t say
anything
as Zach walked into the room. A red light on the IV monitor was slowly
blinking
and the television was on, but there wasn’t any sound. There was a cast
on the
boy’s right leg from his toes almost to his groin. Another covered his
right
hand and arm up to his shoulder. As far as Zach could tell, the boy was
alone.
The chair was over by the window and looked as if it had been moved
there to be
out of the way. Zach pulled it over to the bed and sat down.
“My name’s Zach.”
The boy stared at
him, but
didn’t say anything. Up close the eyes were pale blue, but there didn’t
seem to
be too much awareness behind them. It was as if a boy’s body simply
existed in
this place. If it hadn’t been for the initial whispered response, Zach
might
have suspected the boy couldn’t talk at all.
“Do you have a
name?”
“Kenny,” the boy
said with an
airless whisper.
“That’s a nice
name,” Zach
said. “I’ve never met a Kenny before. Are you from Sommersville?”
“No,” Kenny
whispered. A
couple tears welled up in his eyes. He turned away from Zach and began
a
whimpering cry.
Zach stood up and
placed his
hand on the boy’s shoulder and whispered. “Hey, Kenny, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, there you
are,” said the
nurse who got him out of bed. “You’re supposed to be walking.”
“He looked alone,”
Zach said
as he continued to softly caress the boy’s shoulder.
“He is and you need
to be
walking,” the nurse said. “You can talk to him later.”
“I’ll be back in a
little
bit,” Zach said softly patting Kenny’s shoulder. “Okay?”
“Uh, huh,” Kenny
whispered
through faint sobs.
“Good.”
When he got into
the hall,
Zach stopped and looked at the nurse.
“His parents were
involved in
an accident out on I-35,” the nurse said. “His father didn’t make it.
His
mother is in ICU. She may not make it, either. His grandparents are
coming down
from Des
Moines.
They’ll be here tonight.”
“Sounds like he
needs a
friend,” Zach said.
“That would be
nice, but you
need to walk. Do three more circuits then you can talk to him for an
hour or so.
I’ll come and get you when it’s time to walk, again. Okay?”
“Sure.”
By suppertime, Zach
had Kenny
laughing at nothing in particular. He had his meal in Kenny’s room and
made a
big show of being able to put food in his mouth and swallow. He was
doing
everything he could think of to make the little boy laugh. Even going
so far as
sticking two carrots sticks up his nostrils, which is what he was doing
when to
older adults walked into the room.
Kenny was in a deep
giggling
fit, but instantly became quiet when he saw the adults. The man was
tall and
fit with a little gray in his sideburns. He was wearing a gray suit, a
white
shirt with a dark tie, and dress shoes that squeaked on the tile floor.
The
woman was a foot or so behind the man. She was grayer and puffier with
ample
flesh. Zach immediately recognized her as a grandmother. He wasn’t
certain what
the man was.
“Kenneth, how are
you?” the
man asked.
“Grandpa John! You
came!”
Kenny shouted and held his arms up while his grandmother hugged him.
“We need to pray
Sheila,” the
man said. “Almighty father we come to you begging forgiveness for the
horrible
sins this boy has committed. You smote him and he suffers regret for
straying away
from your welcoming bosom. . . .”
Zach knew his
presence was
not welcome, so he pulled the carrots from his nose, put the tray on
the stand,
and stood up. Kenny’s face was covered by his grandfather’s hand while
his
grandmother knelt on the floor whispering something Zach couldn’t quiet
hear.
He picked up the tray with his left hand, tried to balance it so the
plates
would slide to one side, and headed toward the door. Then he heard the
grandmother’s soft voice.
“Beezona femma
sooly gawan . . . .”
Zach stared at the
woman
kneeling beside Kenny’s bed and felt nauseous at the sound of the
unintelligible
words sliding out between her bright red lips. He looked at the bed and
saw one
of Kenny’s eyes between his grandfather’s fingers. He looked scared,
again.
These people didn’t come to comfort the boy.
“. . . this lost
lamb,
deevanab swoona beesomt . . .”
Zach’s attention
snapped
toward the man as incomprehensible words come out of his mouth, too.
Kenny’s
was trying to say something, but the man’s face blocked the words
coming from
the boy’s mouth. His eyes told Zach he was very, very scared, but Zach
knew
there was nothing he could do. This was family and he walked out into
the hall
concentrating on the tray of half eaten food.
When Paul and
Franny arrived
the next morning, Zach was sitting in the chair in his robe and gown.
He looked
up at Paul then smiled at his little friend.
“Morning Franny,”
Zach said,
holding out his arms. The boy ran into Zach’s enveloping embrace.
“I missed you,”
Franny
whispered, “and Uncle David is mad at you.”
“That’s okay,” Zach
said.
“Ready to go,
kiddo?” Paul
asked.
“I don’t think I
can get out
of here in this,” Zach said, pulling at the robe. “My jeans were cut
off me. My
t-shirt is shreds.”
“I’ll be back in a
minute,”
Paul said. “Keep Franny occupied, okay?”
Zach watched Paul
leave and
suspected something wasn’t quite right. His mind seemed to imagine Paul
had
Zach’s bag down in the Explorer and would be back in only a minute.
Franny was
still wrapped in his arms and he was reluctant to let the boy go. It
was like
holding on to a teddy bear, a bit of needed comfort in a barren place
lacking
emotional support.
“Want to watch some
television?” Zach asked.
“Okay,” Franny
whispered as
he pulled away from Zach. He was looking at the floor as if embarrassed
about
something.
“What’s wrong?”
Zach asked.
He wasn’t certain he wanted to know the answer, but felt he had to ask
what was
troubling Franny.
“Uncle David is mad
at you,”
Franny said.
“You said that.”
“He yelled at Uncle
Paul,”
Franny said as a tear trickled down his cheek. “I was scared.”
“Hey, I’m sure it’s
okay,
now.”
“Uncle David called
you a
name. He said you were a horse.”
“A horse?”
“Uh, huh, a dirty
horse. I
don’t understand why he said that.”
“Well, he didn’t
exactly call
me a horse, it was something a little worse than that.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.
Don’t worry
about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
Zach turned on the
TV and got
on the bed. Franny climbed up and lay down beside him. A whore? Is that
what
David called him? It sounded like something David would say. A filthy
whore,
yeah, that’s what he was. Just like Steven, he’d sold himself for
nothing other
than a few extra dollars.
In a few minutes,
Paul walked
back in the room carrying Zach’s bag. Zach looked up and saw the face
of
disappointment.
“That didn’t take
long,” Zach
said. “It’s almost as if I’m not going back to the motor home.”
“David doesn’t want
you
around the boys,” Paul said.
“Other than Franny,
that is.”
“Franny’s too young
to fully
grasp the situation.”
“He said David
called me a
dirty horse.”
“See, he doesn’t
understand.”
“He said David
yelled at you.
Did you try to defend me?”
“No, I was trying
to reason
with him. We’re a long way from home to be denying you transportation
home.”
“So what’s the
plan?”
“I’ve got you a
motel room
for tonight. Tomorrow morning I’ll take you to the airport and put you
on a
plane to Seattle. A friend of mine will pick you up at the
airport and
take you out to the McDonald house until we get back. Hopefully, by
that time
I’ll have convinced David to let you stay with us.”
“How did you know
about the
McDonalds?”
“Bud McDonald and I
go way
back and he’s bought a few of my more innocent works. I hear his
grandson and
you are friends.”
“Yeah, something
like that.”
“They’re good
people, Zach.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I want you to know
I was
reluctant to let you stay with us,” Bud said as he zipped out of the
SeaTac
parking garage. “Your history with Jeremy isn’t what I’d call
fantastic.”
“I’m sorry,” Zach
said. “I’ve
been stupid. I thought he’d be happy with someone his own age.”
“You’re only a year
older.”
“Yeah, and two
years further
along in school.”
“Is that such a big
deal?”
“I thought it was,”
Zach
said. He looked out his window at a minivan they were passing. Printing
under
the windows said, “North Park Tabernacle of Joyous Praise,” and he
thought of
Kenny’s grandparents speaking in tongues as they tried to exorcise evil
spirits
out of their six year old grandson. He wondered what Kenny had done to
antagonize them or if he had simply gone blindly along with his
parents, not
knowing he was living a sinful life. He felt sorry for the boy, but
there
wasn’t anything he could’ve done. On the other hand, there was
something he
could do about his situation.
“I can’t stop
thinking about
him,” Zach said. “Whatever I do, wherever I go, something reminds me of
Jeremy
and what he meant to me. I only wish he’ll at least accept me as a
friend.”
“He’ll do more than
that, but
I will not have you two sleeping together under my roof,” Bud said as
he merged
onto I-5 and notched the coupe up towards eighty. Zach tried not
watching as
they began to weave in and out of lanes, almost as if they were in the
back of
the pack on a racetrack and Bud was intent on getting into the lead, no
matter
what.
Zach wasn’t certain
he wanted
to sleep with Jeremy, even though he’d already done it. He wanted to
start
over, reset their friendship to the beginning, to some time before that
night,
that birthday night when he was the birthday present, a whore with a
willing
ass. He wanted to be a normal seventeen year old boy who just happened
to be
gay and in love with another boy. Jeremy being sixteen didn’t seem to
matter to
him anymore.
But, what was he
going to do
about Steven? Could he just abandon Steven? He hadn’t heard anything
since
Steven’s aunt told him to stay away and get on with his life. Could he
do that,
or did he need to go to the hospital and try to see the man who he
thought
meant so much to him that he’d give up a beautiful person like Jeremy?
“I don’t want that
either,”
Zach said.
“I wish I could
believe you,”
Bud said. “But, I promised Paul I’d give you a place to stay until he
and David
get back.”
“I won’t do
anything,” Zach
said. “All I want to do is, what?”
“Huh?”
“I don’t know what
I want. Is
that right?”
“I think you need
to see
someone.”
“What? A shrink?”
“Yeah.”
“Lock me up in Fir
Grove?”
“No, nothing that
drastic,
but you’ve been through an awful lot in the past year. I think it might
help if
you had someone to talk to.”
Zach look out his
window at
the cars they were passing and wondered what he’d say to someone he
didn’t know.
He’d never considered going to any kind of counselor. Even at home no
one
suggested he should go to someone who might talk him out of being gay.
Everyone, including his parents, simply assumed he wouldn’t, or
couldn’t, change.
He felt a tear
dribble down
his cheek as he thought about being so close to home only a few days
ago. At
that moment, as Bud sped north on I-5, Zach knew he should be at home
planning
what he was going to take with him to Stillwater. Oklahoma State had
been his first choice, if he could get
in there.
Aim high, that’s what he’d always heard about setting goals. Go for the
gold.
And, then, they took it all away from him because his former friends
made up a
bunch of stories.
Maybe talking to
someone wasn’t
such a bad idea.
“Isn’t this the
room Jerry
was in?” Zach asked as he followed Bud into a bedroom suite on the
second floor
of the house.
“He’s living with a
couple I
know in New
York,”
Bud said. “He needs a lot of help and they live
close to the best care he can get. He’s a nice boy and I want to help
him all I
can. Since you’re not going to be here permanently, this should suit
you.”
“I want to thank
you for what
you’re doing,” Zach said as he set his bag on the floor.
“Jeremy is taking
his driving
test right now, Sara took him. Paul is in Switzerland with his mother.
Do you need anything?”
“No, not right now,
unless
you know someone who I can talk to.”
“I’ll take care of
it,” Bud
said. “Remember, Zach, no trouble. None!”
“No, no trouble,”
Zach said.
He sat down on the bed, then fell back when Bud walked out the door. He
stared
up at the ceiling as he thought about what was going to happen when
Jeremy came
home.
“I told you not to
tell
anyone,” Conan said as he slowly shoved the nine inch kitchen knife
into Zach’s
stomach. Green slime oozed out and Zach vomited.
“I didn’t say
anything,” Zach
said into the microphone. The lights in the interrogation room were
hurting his
eyes, but the green slime oozing out of the wound in his stomach spread
a
bright green and orange stain across his tightly bound thighs. “I
didn’t say
anything.”
“Then who told
them?” Conan
asked, bringing the knife close to Zach’s face. “You were the only one
there.”
“Zach! Wake up!”
“Damn!” Conan
exclaimed as he
pushed the blade into Zach’s mouth.
“Zach!”
Zach’s unbandaged
eye flashed
open, but light in the room was too subdued for him to immediately
figure out
where he was. A girl was looking down at him. It was Sara. She looked
concerned.
“You were
screaming,” she said.
“A bad dream,” Zach
said.
“Zach?”
Zach turned his
head slightly
and looked into Jeremy’s concerned face. Not unexpectedly, Bud suddenly
appeared in the room.
“What’s wrong?” Bud
asked.
“He was having a
nightmare,”
Jeremy said.
“Are you okay?”
Sara asked.
“Yeah, I guess I
fell
asleep,” Zach said.
“Are you sure
you’re okay?”
Bud asked.
“I’m fine, a little
hungry
and a little sore, but I’ll be okay.”
“What happened to
you?”
Jeremy asked.
“Did you pass your
driving
test?” Zach asked.
“I asked you
first,” Jeremy
said as he sat down next to Zach.
“If you’re hungry,
there’s
food in the kitchen,” Bud said. “I’ll be in the library if anyone needs
me.”
“He failed the
written test
for the third time,” Sara said.
“After three times
you should
have the test figured out,” Zach said.
“What happened to
you?”
Jeremy asked.
“I was beaten up,”
Zach said.
“Why? Because
you’re gay?”
Jeremy asked.
“Yeah.”
“How many were
there,” Sara
asked.
“One with good
boots,” Zach
said. “You know, I am hungry and I have to take a pain pill.”
“Come on, I’ll make
you a
sandwich,” Jeremy said.
“Don’t let him,
Zach,” Sara
said. “He’s a terrible cook.”
“Like you’re any
better,”
Jeremy said.
“I can do
crêpes,” Sara said.
Zach followed the
brother and
sister out of the room as memory of the nightmare slowly faded from his
awareness. Except, Zach was convinced he needed to talk to someone. He
didn’t
want anymore of these dreams. It was bad enough what Conan did to him,
but to
have him linger on was not a good thing.
“Our mother can’t
do crêpes,”
Jeremy said.
“Who do you think
taught me,”
Sara said.
“But she can’t boil
water
without burning it,” Jeremy said.
“But she can do
crêpes,” Sara
said.
“Tell her you want
me to make
you a sandwich,” Jeremy said.
“I’m not getting
between the
two of you,” Zach said. “I’m the guest here. Oh, damn, I forgot my
bottle of
pills.”
“I’ll go get it,”
Jeremy
said.
“It’s in my bag,”
Zach said.
“Don’t let her make
crêpes,”
Jeremy said as hurried ran back up the stairs.
“Come on, I’ll get
out the
stuff for sandwiches,” Sara said.
“You like arguing
with him,”
Zach said.
“He’s my brother,
that’s what
I’m supposed to do.”
Zach was lying on
the bed
looking up into Jeremy’s brown eyes, which were as he remembered them
on that
first night not so many months ago. They had just kissed, a lingering,
meaningful kiss, but lacking enough passion to get them further than
having
Jeremy fully clothed, sitting on the edge of the bed with Zach under
the
covers.
“I want you,”
Jeremy said as
his finger traced along the bandage over Zach’s eye.
“I don’t want to do
anything
until I’m better,” Zach said. “Jeremy?”
“Yes?”
“Can we go back?”
“Back where?”
“To before we met?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can I get to know
you better
this time?”
“I don’t
understand.”
“I love you, but I
don’t know
you. Can I get to know you before we have sex? Will you do that for me?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Good, thank you.
Come on,
kiss me good night.”
Jeremy leaned down
and placed
his lips over his lover’s. Zach thought back to a happier time in his
life when
a younger boy rode his favorite cow pony in a pasture full of steers
not really
doing anything other than relishing the hot sun on his bare back and
arms and
the feel of the galloping horse under him as it wheeled and weaved
around the
steers, but barely spooking them as they were too used to having the
boy and
his horse out with them on hot summer days. He wanted Jeremy so much,
but he
wanted to feel like a kid, again.