concerns adult and teenage gay
males who may be involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for
read such stories, or if you do not like to read such stories, please
copyright 2006 by the author who retains all rights.
is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the author's imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
This is my
third submission to Nifty. My
previous submissions can be found in the High School section under
Kiel’s Story. Any comments or questions are
welcome at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
thank you goes out to all who
write. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff,
like it or not. I try to answer all emails, even flames. (I’m a writer,
for rejection.) Although sometimes it takes a little time to get back
you, I do
try to answer. If I'm remiss in replying to yours, I apologize.
The Pastel Cowboy
by Carl Holiday
13 – Fuck Me, Part 1
They were lying on
facing each other, still fully clothed. Bruce was trying to act calm
but it was more than obvious he was so nervous he’d likely shit his
Zach touched him. Zach was biding his time, though, waiting for Bruce
up the nerve to kiss him because they both knew once that started
absolutely nothing, was going to stop the inevitable. Only, Bruce
certain what was inevitable and Zach wasn’t about to push the issue. He
the time in the world. He’d been there and now it was Bruce’s turn.
Zach looked back at
few months and tried to imagine being a virgin, again, simply
what it meant to be gay. He wasn’t all that certain, now, after those
with Steven and then falling in love with Jeremy, who he’d probably
ever again, no matter what Sara thought she could do to change her
grandfather’s mind. He’d been nothing more than a fancy hustler,
Steven it was okay to sell your body, but, now, lying here with Bruce,
of Jeremy, it had proven otherwise. Uncle David called him a whore and
he was a
filthy whore who was willing to be nearly killed just to have another
dick spewing cum down his throat.
And, right at that
wanted Bruce’s dick in his mouth feeling it swell and jerk as an orgasm
shuddered through Bruce’s body. He wanted Bruce’s cum splattering onto
tongue filling his mouth until it dribble out of the corners, just like
when Jeremy sucked his dick and didn’t swallow fast enough. He loved
his cum off Jeremy’s face, kissing his lover and tasting himself in
mouth. He wanted Jeremy, but that was not to be.
Zach felt Bruce’s
his face lightly touching his skin. The moment was approaching. It was
around the corner. Bruce’s wonderful lips would soon be pressed against
Their tongues would be making love in their mouths swirling saliva
tender nerve endings. Bruce’s tongue was much longer than his, he’d
in the men’s room at the bookstore, long enough to go down his throat
he wanted Bruce’s dick when it erupted for the first time in another
His own dick would
behave itself when Bruce went down on him because Bruce was going to go
him. Bruce was going to taste cum today, so much cum it would dribble
the corners of his mouth and Zach would lick it off his chin. They
afterwards and Zach was going to taste his cum in Bruce’s mouth. This
to be so perfect, an orgasmic explosion of hot, youthful sex.
The knock on the
startled both of them.
“Fuck! Now what?”
as he sat up and saw the outline of Bruce’s very hard dick in his
man, not now, he thought. “This better be important.”
“I can wait,” Bruce
do anything with this until I get back,” Zach said, patting Bruce’s
that or you’ll make me come right now,” Bruce said.
like to make you come right now,” Zach said as another knock could be
the door. “This better be very, very important.”
he opened it, Zach saw a very disheveled Uncle David standing at the
looked like he hadn’t shaved yet or maybe in a couple days. His clothes
wrinkled like he’d slept in them for a week. It was a pretty good
a street person, a mentally deranged street person knocking at doors
for Emily who’d left his mind so many, many years ago.
to bother you,” Uncle David said, “but I need to talk to you. Are you
you know, me and Bruce haven’t seen each other in a while.”
you’re entertaining someone.”
not exactly entertaining. It was getting to be a bit more than that.
you need? Can’t this wait?”
I need to talk right now before it’s too late. Please, can you come
David suddenly turned and walked away. Zach then knew he had been
his medications, again, trying to get his libido back on track, trying
sexually responsive to Paul, who didn’t seem to be home at the moment.
be back as soon as I can,” Zach said. “Keep thinking good thoughts.”
think of you,” Bruce said. “You’d better go see what he wants.”
David was gone from the hall so Zach had to look for him. He found him
the balcony looking down twenty-five stories to the sweet gums along
below. Zach wondered if this was a suicide attempt and if he was going
to do something to stop his uncle from making a high dive into an
my favorite nephew,” Uncle David said. “I want you to know that. I want
know I’m sorry for all the things I said to you recently. You’re young
young people make mistakes, it’s how you learn to be adults. You’ve had
than most and I haven’t been the best person to help you as I
please, get away from the railing,” Zach said. “Come over here and sit
bench next to me.”
David quickly turned and stared at Zach with cloudy eyes. He turned
stared off toward the waterfront.
I was your age,” Uncle David said, “the summer before I went to
took a freighter across the Pacific to Japan. Vietnam was going hot and
heavy and one of
friends, the boy I loved, the boy who taught me so much about loving
man, had gone into the Army to fight in the war. He didn’t come back.
did, but it was a closed casket service. There wasn’t much of him in
When you’re blown to bits there aren’t very many big pieces to pick up
home. Personally, I think it was just his dog tags in the casket. Do
they pick up the pieces if they’re too small or do they just leave them
carrion for the vultures or whatever eats the dead in Vietnam?”
don’t know,” Zach said. “Did you come back by boat?”
I flew to Australia and met another boy, a soldier on R & R
from Vietnam. He was older than me, a second lieutenant.
men die. He cried when we slept together. He held me like someone might
baby. We didn’t have sex, but I think he would’ve fucked me if I
the last morning, a few hours before he was to report for his flight
the war, I woke up with him stroking my morning hard-on. He was hard,
didn’t want me to touch him. I came and he was fragged three months
was only wounded, but lost his left leg. He wrote to me. I never saw
David walked over to the bench and sat down beside Zach. He stared at
sorry I introduced you to Steven. I thought I was doing something good,
obviously it didn’t work out that way. He’s dead, did you hear?”
few weeks ago. He strangled himself with a bed sheet tied to the bed
aunt said that I could see him.”
lied, the bitch! They’re all bitches, every last one of them.”
god, oh god, oh, jeez, fuck!”
welled up into Zach’s eyes and he leaned his head back against the warm
wall. He felt Uncle David’s arms enveloping him and he allowed himself
held. He didn’t cry like a baby, almost like a baby, though.
“You were gone an
time,” Bruce said as Zach walked in and sat down on the bed. “I was
to leave, but I didn’t want to without at least saying something.
You look troubled.”
“Oh, yeah, the guy
seeing, the escort. Isn’t that what they call them?”
“Yeah, or hustler,
prostitute, they’re all the same. He committed suicide a couple weeks
“Oh, man, I’m
Zach in a hug
and held him close to his body, but Zach had already had his cry and
already beginning to put Steven behind him; or, at least, he hoped so.
been taken out of his life and, now, wouldn’t be coming back. It was
he did what he did, but Steven had been pretty pathetic to begin with
practically starving himself to look thirteen years old so the old
pay the big bucks imagining they actually were fucking a barely
A guy has to be way past the limit of sanity to do that to himself on
“You know what I
now?” Zach asked.
appreciate it if
you’d fuck me. I don’t care if you’ve never done it before. I just need
fucked and fucked right now. No preliminaries, no foreplay, no sucking
get in the mood. I need a dick up my ass and you’ve never done it, so
“I don’t know about
Bruce said breaking their embrace. He moved away and then stood up.
“I want you to fuck
Zach hissed and getting to his feet, too. He grabbed Bruce’s bicep and
thought flashed through his mind at the amount of muscle he was
firmness of the flesh, the potential energy pent up in that body.
to fuck me now!”
“I don’t want this,
Bruce said trying to wrench his arm away.
“You’re going to
fuck me now,
do you understand?” Zach said pulling at Bruce, trying to force him
back to the
“Don’t do this
said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
anything, now. “Fuck me!”
“Fuck me! Dammit!”
knowing what to do, had Zach face down on the floor and thought, for
briefest of moments, that he was certainly in a position to satisfy
insane request, but the thought passed and he struggle to pacify his
without hurting him, too much anyway.
“What the hell is
going on in
here?” a voice asked behind Bruce.
“He’s gone totally
Bruce said as he turned and saw Paul at the door.
“Fuck me!” Zach
“What’s going on?”
asked, coming into the room. “What’s wrong with Zach?”
“He’s gone crazy,”
said. “You’ve got to do something.”
“David, call his
psychiatrist,” Paul said. “I’ll help Bruce hold him. Hurry up, David.”
“What set this
asked as he knelt on the floor beside Bruce.
“His friend Steven
“Oh, yeah, that’d
How’d he find out.”
“I guess David told
“Yeah, he’d do
Zach was mumbling
oblivious to the world around him. He could hear voices talking about
it was as if he wasn’t in the room. He was somewhere else, somewhere
peaceful. Steven was there. He felt himself floating up and then
Conan, wearing a
buttoned Western shirt, black jeans held up with a black belt fastened
silver buckle with “Fuck You!” in raised letters, was standing at the
hands on hips daring entry into the room. Jeremy stood naked in there,
dick throbbing to the beat of his heart. Steven, a sheet tied around
his naked little boy, anorexic body shriveled from abuse, stood at his
Zach tried to figure out how to get past Conan to the prize Jeremy
He stared at the tip of Jeremy’s dick and tasted the cum spewing into
from the old fart standing in front of him, his old fart dick shoved
Zach’s mouth, and Steven clapping just like an excited eight year old.
shaved genitals flopping around, grossly imitating a pre-pubescent boy.
vomited a vile red fluid as Conan’s boot sank into his stomach.
Zach’s eyes flashed
and morning light slowly focused his awareness into his bedroom. He
at the ceiling and smelled lilac. He turned his head and saw Bruce
Bruce said. “I was wondering when you were going to join the party.”
“I’m sorry,” Zach
diverting his eyes away from his embarrassment.
“What’s there to be
about?” Bruce asked. “You were upset. It hasn’t been that long since
attacked, so you overreacted to hearing about Steven’s death. You must
liked him very much.”
“I thought I loved
said, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.
“You fall in love
I suspect you think you’re falling in love with me, too.”
“No, I just want
your dick up
“That isn’t going
anytime soon,” Bruce said. He sat up and dangled his legs over the edge
“Have you been here
“No, I went home,
I’d better stop by to see if you’re better. You gave us quite a scare,
guess you’ve done this before. At least Jeremy said he’s seen you go
deep end a couple times.”
“Yeah, he came with
go to dinner and the movies.”
“But, he’s on
“I don’t know about
You’ll have to take that up with Sara or Jeremy. Jeremy said he’d be
though. So, you’d better get up and put yourself together. Maybe you
him to fuck you.”
“The problem is
not to fuck me,” Zach said. He sat up and noticed his wasn’t wearing
other than his red and white checked sleeping shorts. A strange sense
euphoria swept over him as he looked at Bruce’s bare, pale neck under
boy’s dark ponytail. He was instantly hard and he scooted behind Bruce.
used that lilac stuff, again. I want you to know it turns me on.”
He lightly pressed
against Bruce’s smooth skin and inhaled the faint, clean scent of the
was hot and was not going to be denied. This had to happen and happen
There no time to discuss. There was hardly time to act.
Zach ran a hand
muscular shoulder and down the boy’s taut bicep before slipping across
chest to probe for a firming nipple.
“I have to go to
“So, I don’t have
waste,” Zach said as he slipped around the boy and down onto the floor.
hands went up to Bruce’s belt and zipper. Before Bruce could react,
his pants down around his ankles and was burrowing his face into the
“I don’t have time
Zach found what he
seeking and wrapped his lips around the treasure much as a little boy
wrap his lips around the top of a soda bottle. One hand began pumping
as the other, still partially wrapped in a cast, tried to keep out of
Meanwhile, his mouth, lips, and tongue began to massage the length of
“Oh, god, Zach,
this, I have to go to work,” Bruce whispered, but Zach continued his
ministrations and was not to be stopped or delayed.
Bruce began to lose
it as his
hands sank into Zach’s hair and his hips started to rhythmically thrust
towards the center of pleasure focused on the tender end of his
sensed the end was near and swallowed taking Bruce deep into his throat
the first explosion of ecstasy tore through Bruce’s body.
“Oh, god!” Bruce
his hands involuntarily tried to force Zach’s head down over his
His whole body shuddered as Zach smothered each detonation, accepting
offering as a gift of their growing love for each other.
After a few minutes
pulled off Bruce’s softening dick leaned back on his haunches, his own
obscenely bobbed to the rhythm of his racing heart. He looked up into
refocusing eyes and thought of how it would be later that night with
wonderful dick sunk deep in his ass. He glanced down at his own
and a brief remembrance of Steven crossed his mind. He took it in his
gave it a couple tugs. That was all he needed. A rope of his essence
and splattered onto Bruce’s bare shin. Another quickly followed, before
reacted enough to move out of the way.
“Jeez, Zach, watch
you’re pointing that thing. I have to wear these slacks to work.”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, I
thinking,” Zach breathed. He dropped back and sat on his ass, looking
Bruce’s eyes. “Thanks for coming over to wake me up. We’re still on for
“I don’t know,
Zach, you were
pretty out of it last night.”
“No repeats of
make love tonight and then, only then, can you sink that wonderful
yours into me. I want to feel you inside me. Please?”
“I don’t know
said as he stood and pulled up his khakis. He stood there a moment
leaning over to press his lips against Zach’s. They kissed for a long
their tongues remaining chaste behind walls of teeth.
“You’ll sleep with
“Sure, but what
“I’ll see if the
can take us somewhere.”
“I’m not sure I
want to fuck
“No, don’t fuck me,
yourself inside and make love to me. Please?”
“We’ll see. Okay?”
Zach went into the
search for nourishment. His head still felt foggy, but that was to be
after a panic attack and unknown quantities of an unknown medicine. He
sure what was going on. Someone would tell him, if it was important for
know. Out of the refrigerator he took a carton of nonfat milk, the
orange juice, and put them on the kitchen table. He went back to the
and stared at all the possibilities. Then he realized he had no idea
should eat for breakfast and he knew if he thought about it too long he
going to have another panic attack, which was absolutely the wrong
think about because his mind seemed to like that idea.
started in his
left hand, the hand holding the tub of margarine, David’s margarine.
Paul used butter. Why he had the margarine in his hand, Zach had no
idea, but the
tub fell to the floor and Zach screamed in frustration. He didn’t want
happen. He wanted everything to be normal, again, but his life was
unraveling around him.
“What the hell’s
going on in
here?” David asked as he hurried into the kitchen.
Zach was frozen in
muscles shuddered across his young body driven wild by crazed neurons
randomly. He knew he was going to fall, but big arms caught him and
unruly body onto the nearest chair. He looked up and saw David try to
Strangely, that smile seemed to relax him.
“Here, take this,”
said, handing Zach a small white pill. “It’ll help. Go on, your
prescribed it. I got them last night. I’ll get you a glass of milk.”
After a couple of
Zach felt relief flow through him as his body began to relax. Paul had
too, and was sitting across from Zach. David seemed to be making
Zach’s mind was still confused about what he was going to have for
It was at that moment he noticed the milk and orange juice were no
He shut his eyes.
have been more than a couple seconds, but when he opened them three
two fried eggs, and four strips of very crisp bacon, were arranged on a
in front of him. Paul wasn’t in the room.
said. “Come on, we have to take you to see your psychiatrist this
thinks you might need to be admitted to the hospital, again.”
“No, not that. I
can’t go to
the hospital, I have classes on Monday.”
“Then, I suggest
taking control of your situation,” David said. “When you feel yourself
slipping, stop, shut your eyes, count to ten, twenty, or, if you have
fifty, and then slow your breathing down. Don’t look at me, it’s on
instruction sheet your doctor gave you. Haven’t you been doing what
“I guess not,” Zach
didn’t remember any instruction sheets. Controlled breathing? Counting?
He felt it and he
put his fork
down. He shut his eyes, but his mind wasn’t having anything to do with
taking control. His left hand began to twitch and he swallowed.
“Stop it!” Zach
“Damn it! Stop!” He
His fist slammed
table and a sense of calm radiated out from the pain he was feeling in
hand. He shut his eyes and began to slowly count, trying to match his
to the tempo of the numbers running through his mind. He could beat
had to if he and Bruce were going to make love later that night. He
an image of Bruce’s condom covered hard-on entering him.
“I heard some
said behind Zach. “Is he all right?”
“I think he’s
control,” David said.
“Good, I’m not
really in the
mood for another mental invalid around here,” Paul said.
mean?” David asked.
“You know what it
“If you’re not
happy with the
situation around here, you know where the door is,” David said.
“Yeah, I know where
down the hall. He opened his eyes and stared at the breakfast he wasn’t
certain he wanted, but he poured some warmed maple syrup on the
then spooned some sliced jalapenos over his eggs.
“A man after my own
“Do you do this
“No, I have a
sauce for that.”
“I’ve tried that,
but most of
those have a vinegary taste that overpowers the eggs. I just want heat.”
“I have and nearly
hell out of my mouth. Dad didn’t think I’d do it and he didn’t say
until after the fire started. He laughed so hard and so long, I didn’t
him for a week.”
“You’re having a
of your father. I thought you hated him.”
“Oh, yeah, thanks
reminding me. I guess I forgot.”
He smiled at
thought of that memory of his father. He’d always been the butt of
every joke in family; yet, he remembered growing up respecting the man,
into his teen years when most of his friends had hardly anything good
about their fathers. Then it all ended and the hate began. Maybe he was
forgiving his father for his failings. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t
“So, you had a
slide,” Doctor Cunningham said.
“Yeah, um, a friend
I overreacted,” Zach said.
“Was he a good
someone very special?”
“In the beginning,
him to be a good friend. You know, someone special; and, then he taught
to have sex with older men and get paid for it. Seventeen years old, a
in college, and I’m learning how to be a prostitute. God! Was I a fool.
could’ve been totally destroyed, but he went off the deep end and ended
the nut bin. I found out yesterday he committed suicide a couple weeks
“I think I’m more
myself for letting him try to pull me down to his level. Everything
turned out so differently if I hadn’t been so malleable in his hands. I
naïve. God, I was a fool. I thought I loved him. I would’ve died
“And, now, I can
see, but my
mind seems to have a little problem with accepting the reality that I
be a different person.”
“How did those
they’re something new?”
“I guess Uncle
David gave me
two last night and I was completely out of it. This morning I almost
meltdown because I couldn’t decide what to have for breakfast and he
just one. I lost track of some time, but I’m a lot better, now.”
“Well, they’re only
taken in an emergency. You need to tell your friends and whoever you’re
to give you one if you have another episode. They’re kind of like shock
therapy. They’ll knock you out so your mind can have a little rest.”
“Well, I think they
fine. So, I should have a couple with me at all times?”
“Just for the next
Once you’re over the trauma of your friend’s death, your regular
should be able to do what it’s supposed to.”
“Good, because I
going to lalaland.”
“How has everything
well. Except, for the boy I’m in love with, he’s on restriction and his
guardian doesn’t like me. But, I found someone who I met soon after
and we’re rebuilding our friendship. My uncle and his roommate slash
having a little fight over something. And, this morning at breakfast I
good memory of my father. Life is just swimmingly.”
“I’d like you to
about the first person you had sex with.”
Sucker, but his nickname didn’t have anything to do with the one and
we had oral sex. It’s just what we called him …”
Just before David
the parking garage at the condo, Zach saw Sara’s car parked across the
He felt his body go taut as anger swelled within him. Jeremy had been
night before, Sara had intended Jeremy go with them to the movie; or,
simply going to leave him at the condo for a few hours while she went
some time with Darnel. Zach wasn’t certain, but he was certain Sara and
up in the lobby waiting for someone to buzz them in.
As much as he
wanted to be
with Jeremy, he wasn’t about to jeopardize his future—he knew Bud was
of doing anything to ruin his life—just to have a sixteen year old dick
ass, as much as he wanted that very thing. Bud would say it was his
Jeremy was breaking restriction and they’d never see each other until
longer cared for him.
He took out his
and watched the bars disappear as the car went ever deeper down into
garage. They’d get on the elevator and he wouldn’t be able to make a
he was in the condo. He shut his eyes and started counting as soon as
noticed his left hand had started to twitch. He was going to beat this
and Jeremy wasn’t going to ruin his life. He certainly didn’t want to
end up in
some dingy fruit farm with a bed sheet around his neck.
“Zach? Zach, we’re
Paul said. “Zach?”
“He must have felt
coming on,” David said. “We’ll wait for him to calm down.”
“Aw shit! When is
to end,” Paul said.
“When I finally get
almost being murdered,” Zach said slowly with his eyes closed. “And,
when I stop or even, begin grieving for Steven. I haven’t decided how I
about that. Right now, at this moment, there’s a very, very good chance
sixteen year old boy who loves me too much and is on restriction is up
lobby waiting for me. I don’t know why he’s waiting, but I suspect he’s
“Jeremy? I told him
night we had to take you to the shrink,” Paul said. “I didn’t know he
always one who
screws up the works,” David said.
Zach opened his
eyes and saw
his left hand twitch. He didn’t want to take a pill, besides the pills
in the condo. He couldn’t get mad. He couldn’t become undecided. He had
calm, but with Paul and David ever so subtly fighting, he might drop
deep end at any moment.
“Look, I’m not
of you,” Zach said. “Right now, I’m doing everything I can to not have
one of those little, white pills, even though that is exactly what I
should do. I have to call Bud McDonald and say everything I can, short
offering to suck his dick, to have the slightest chance of seeing
Jeremy on a
permanent basis sometime in the near future. So, I’d appreciate you two
fighting when I’m around. Thank you.”
He felt better. He
his left hand and saw it twitch. He kind of wished he could feel it
but something in his brain must be interrupting the signals. He shut
for a moment and let a brief calm spread over him. It was so close, so
close, and Zach was going to do everything to stop it from ruining his
After all, Bruce
was going to
sleep with him tonight and, if everything went the way he wanted, Bruce
going to sink that wonderful dick of his up into his ass. They’d do it
agonizingly slow. Take a half an hour, an hour, or however long Bruce
without coming. He was going to look up and watch the orgasm sparkle
eyes. That look, that look of overwhelming joy when every muscle in the
focused on ejaculating semen deep into the ass of a good bottom boy. He
to see Bruce experience that first time. They would kiss until sleep
“Okay, let’s go up
so I can
make a phone call,” Zach said opening his eyes and seeing only David
the front seat. “Oh fuck! It happened again.”
“Sometimes when I
eyes at these times things have changed when I open them. I can’t hear
anything, but things change. Just like Paul leaving just now. It is
“It’s been a few
well, pretty close to fifteen, twenty actually.”
“Oh, Jesus just
wanted to go
for a swim and look what happened!”
“What was that?”
“One of my, uh, my
favorite expressions. Drove Mom, or god no, don’t let it happen. Bruce
coming over tonight. I have to focus on Bruce coming over.”
“I got back as soon
could,” Paul said as he climbed into the back seat. He offered Zach a
small bottle of water. “Here, I think you should take one. You look
Oh, and I sent your boyfriend and his sister home. You’re right, he’s
restriction. He’s not supposed to leave the house and Sara’s been
out. Here take this.”
“I have to call
said as he felt his muscles start to tighten. His hand was twitching so
Paul had to put the pill in his mouth and hold the bottle so he could
water to swallow the pill.
“I’ll call Bud,”
“We haven’t talked in a while, but I think I can straighten him out.”
“Don’t make him
more mad at
me,” Zach said with his eyes closed. He felt someone pull him toward
and he tried to relax enough to go with the flow of events.
He knew they were
but Zach seemed to be floating along, allowing whatever was happening
to him to
happen without his interference. He kept his eyes tightly closed. He
Paul could easily pick him up and carry him like a newly married
carried his bride across the threshold, and that thought made him
strangely felt very refreshing.
He was tempted to
eyes, but he knew things would look a lot different, time would have
and he’d be confused for a moment, allowing his mind to its best to
life. He had to focus on what Bruce was going to give him. Yeah, Bruce,
to think of Bruce.
Author’s Note: When
on this chapter I had everything coming to a conclusion in twenty
Obviously, that didn’t happen and this chapter will be continued,
a few days. I seem to be over my block and the words are flowing.
Actually, it’s more like rushing out of my mind as if the dam has
one that has changed is that I’m able to visit the characters and the
my mind during the day. I wasn’t able to do that during the block. The
left me and I couldn’t get it back. Hopefully, the words will continue
awhile, or at least until I get to THE END of this story, which isn't
all that far away.