This
story
concerns adult and teenage gay
males who may be involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for
you to
read such stories, or if you do not like to read such stories, please
leave
now.
This
story is
copyright 2006 by the author who retains all rights.
This
is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the author's imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
entirely coincidental.
WARNING!!
This chapter contains a violent
remembrance by one of the characters. It is told as a story, as the
character
refuses to believe he was the victim. The author does not condone
physical
violence when committed as part of a sexual act. The scene takes place
in this
story for character development and disposition. Whether you agree, or
not, bad
things happen and sometimes there is a lesson in the occurrence. The
author
apologizes to those who are offended by violent acts occurring in his
stories
and understands if you choose not to continue following this story.
This is my
third submission to Nifty. My
previous submissions can be found in the High School section under
Kiel’s Story. Any comments or questions are
welcome at: carl_holiday@att.net.
A warm
thank you goes out to all who
write. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff,
whether you
like it or not. I try to answer all emails, even flames. (I’m a writer,
I live
for rejection.) Although sometimes it takes a little time to get back
to
you, I do
try to answer. If I'm remiss in replying to yours, I apologize.
The Pastel Cowboy
by Carl Holiday
Chapter
6 – Gay Pride
Zach spent most of
Sunday
with Steven. When he got to the apartment Steven was neatly dressed in
pressed
khakis and a short-sleeved, green dress shirt, but had sandals on his
feet,
though he was wearing white socks. Steven directed Zach up to Capitol
Hill to a
small parking lot beside a quaint, gray stone church. Steven slipped
two
tightly folded dollars bills into the pay box and they went inside.
There
couldn’t have been more than fifteen parishioners sitting in two rows
of pews
that could easily hold a hundred. Zach heard the organ and felt his
body relax.
They sat up close to front where all the others were sitting. A few
more people
showed up before the pastor came out and sat on a chair beside the
organist.
Zach hadn’t been in
a church
for nearly a year. He hung his head as tears freely dribbled out of his
eyes.
He felt Steven’s arm across his back and he leaned into his friend for
comfort.
All of the hate and disgust he’d been subjected to back in Carruthers
paled in
comparison to the peace he felt at that moment.
With teary eyes,
Zach stood
with the parishioners and sang the opening hymn,
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed!
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
We have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
The words
overwhelmed his
heart and Zach broke down into gut wrenching sobs. He couldn’t bear
listening
to anymore of the hymn and pulled away from Steven’s embrace and ran
for the
door. He sat out on the stone steps bawling in the warm morning sun. He
heard
the organ and the parishioners’ words jumble together as one hears a
symphony
with different instruments playing slightly different melodies that
dynamically
join together into one sound. He felt a muscular arm across his
shoulders and
looked over to see the pastor sitting beside him. A faint smile broke
across
Zach’s face.
“I was
excommunicated last
year because members of my church, including my parents, believed I was
gay,”
Zach blubbered. “They didn’t ask me if it was true. They didn’t pray
for me.
They didn’t do anything except push me out of their lives.”
“You’re welcome
here. You’d
be surprised how welcoming God can be to lost souls. Come on, let’s go
back
inside.”
Zach allowed the
pastor to
help him to his feet and sank into the man’s embrace. A good hug is
sometimes
worth more than a few words. When they separated he daubed his eyes
with his
handkerchief and noisily blew his nose.
“You’re too big of
boy to be
crying,” the pastor said.
“I didn’t start
until I fell
in love,” Zach said.
“With the boy you
came with?
He seems kind of young.”
“He’s in his early
twenties.
He’s a graduate student at North Park College. He fools a lot people.”
He figured the
pastor didn’t
need to know Steven purposefully starved himself to look young. Nor,
was it
necessary to say that Steven sold his body to old men who liked to
imagine they
were messing with a little kid. It was more than enough to admit he was
in
love.
“He reminds me of a
boy I met
a couple years ago,” the pastor said as he held the door for Zach.
“Maybe it’s
the same guy. I suppose if you don’t look too close and don’t expect
him to hiding
his true age, you’d never really know, would you?”
“He fooled me the
first
time,” Zach said. The singing had stopped and the organ had gone back
to
playing a medley of familiar hymns.
The service
progressed with
the usual toned down evangelical liturgy. Zach slipped a fifty into the
offering plate that had mostly loose change and a few ones; and after
the
offering, the lesson, and another hymn the pastor went to the pulpit.
“I had a sermon
this morning,
but I believe the Lord wants me to speak on something entirely
different,” the
pastor began. “Please open your Bibles to Galatians 3:22. Paul is
speaking to
the Galatians, who have come under the influence of teachers of Jewish
law,
which many people today seem to selectively rely on when condemning
certain
other people in our community. The Word says, ‘Before this faith came,
we were
held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So
the law
was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by
faith. Now
that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the
law.’ ”
Zach wanted to
listen. He
knew the passage, but his church said that passage was meant to be
taken figuratively,
not literally, which was just another way to pick apart the Word.
First, break
the Bible into verses so you can read some and ignore others. Then
decide which
verses are to be taken as truth, which means the other verses are
merely
advice. The laws are in the Book, therefore, they are meant to be
followed.
Well, some of them.
Both Steven and he
took
Communion when the grape juice and unleavened wafers were passed
through the
pews. He knew in his heart the Bible said wine, but this church chose
ignore
that word and served unfermented grape juice which would have spoiled
in Jesus’
time. He also knew that in Jesus’ time most wine was cut nearly in half
with
water, diminishing the effects of the alcohol, but today’s Christians
ignored
that, too.
After the service,
he
remained in the pew trying to decide if it was necessary to return. He
didn’t
know these people, nor was he completely comfortable with their brand
of
hypocrisy. Being thrown out of his church had given him the opportunity
to look
for God in places other than a white clapboard building at the corner
of South
Second and Lincoln in Carruthers, Oklahoma. He’d read his Bible, cover
to cover,
looking for
answers, but only finding comfort in the words. His God was here in
this
church, but probably most of the parishioners didn’t recognize Him.
What he
liked most, though, was not being put out because he might be gay. That
was as
good a reason as any to come back.
The rest of the day
was spent
down on the waterfront looking at the sights, eating shellfish, and
just
hanging out with Steven. They took the ferry over to Bremerton, but
came right back. The ride was for the
novelty
more than going somewhere else to look at more touristy shit. Mostly,
though,
Zach felt restrained by being in church that morning. He’d pretty much
given up
on the idea that he could get with others who believed as he did
because he’d
been forced to come up with his own answers. He believed and for him
that was
nearly enough, but he also knew he’d go back, at least for the almond
macaroons
someone brought for fellowship after the service.
On Monday morning,
Zach
watched Jerry walk into the classroom. He glanced over and their eyes
met for a
moment. Then Jerry went over to his usual seat. He looked happier than
Zach
remembered causing Zach to suspect Jerry and Bruce had taken the first
few
steps toward intimacy. He couldn’t decide if he was happy or sad.
At the end of
class, Zach
wasn’t certain he was ready to spend the lunch hour with Jerry and
Bruce. One
or the other would be fine, but it was going to be difficult sitting at
the
table with both of them. He looked up from his desk and saw everyone
was gone
except Doctor Jeffers who was standing at the door.
“Bud tells me you
were
instrumental in rescuing his grandkids this weekend,” Doctor Jeffers
said.
“Who?”
“My friend, Charles
McDonald,
I’ve called him Bud since we were roommates as freshman in college.”
“Sara’s
grandfather?”
“Yes, Sara’s
grandfather. Do
you know why she wasn’t in class today?”
“I’m sure you know
her father
was arrested Saturday. I spoke with her last night. They’re moving a
lot of things
from their home over to her grandfather’s house. She said she’d be here
tomorrow.”
“Can I ask you
something?”
Doctor Jeffers said. He was biting his lower lip. Zach looked at him
and
smiled. “Would you consider going with me to Gay Pride on Saturday?”
“What’s Gay Pride?”
“A little
celebration the gay
community puts on every year. There’s a parade and a street fair. It
allows us
to get out, no pun intended, and admit to the world we’re proud to be
gay.”
“Why would anyone
want to do
that? My life was destroyed by people who simply assumed I was gay.
Right now,
I could be looking forward to a very promising football career. I had a
very
good chance of going to Oklahoma, Arkansas, or, quite possibly, even
Texas, and not some out of the way liberal arts
college
where you have to be accepted to the college before they’ll let you
play
football and there aren’t any scholarships anyway. You think I’d be
proud to be
in your silly parade. I’m fucking disgusted with you guys. Proud? Fuck!
I can’t
even talk to my parents or brothers or sister or their families. You
guys
fucked up my life and I bet you’re proud you did that, too.”
Zach stood there
madder than
he’d ever felt in a long time. Tears were streaming down his face and
he wanted
Steven very, very much; and, he was disgusted with that thought, but he
knew
deep down Steven could give him comfort he’d never find anywhere else.
Doctor Jeffers
stared at him
as if Zach had plunged a dagger in his heart. Zach realized he wanted
to hit
the man. His hands were clenched tight and his arm muscles tensed ready
for the
shoulder muscles to get in the act.
“Fuck you!” Zach
exclaimed
and ran for the stairs. He didn’t know where he was going, but he had
to get
out of that building and away from that happy queer.
Once down in the
quad, he
headed straight for the middle and stood at the triple junction of
paved
walkways seething, his mind a jumble of disconnected thoughts. Hate,
love,
disgust, anger, and fear struggled for dominance as his mind raced
toward some
hidden goal. He had to get away, but as his mind slowly put the
discordant
thoughts in some orderly sense, he bent over and tried to vomit. Only,
there
wasn’t anything to come up except for the disgust he felt for himself.
No
matter how hard he tried, Zach couldn’t throw up the hatred for what he
was.
He looked up and
saw Doctor
Jeffers standing a few feet away. There was concern on his face, but he
didn’t
seem to want to get closer. He simply stood there, waiting.
Zach turned and saw
a redwood
bench behind him. There was a small plaque on the top rail of the
backrest:
“Given in memory of William S. Gay, ’21, by his loving son.” Zach
smiled and
sat down on the Gay bench.
“Doctor Jeffers?
I’m safe
now,” Zach said. “If you want, you can sit beside me.”
“You never let it
out before,
did you?”
“No, I just let
them stomp me
into the ground. I could’ve run. I could’ve gotten out of there and
made a
complete mess of my life, but I stayed and let them walk all over me so
I could
end up here with a chance to be better than those people. But, no,
Doctor
Jeffers, I am not proud to be gay. Not yet, anyway. Maybe someday I’ll
be able
to go to your parade, but not now.”
“It’s okay, maybe
I’ll see
you at the birthday party.”
“What birthday
party?”
“Paul McDonald’s.
You didn’t
get an invitation?”
“Oh, Paul’s, yes,
Jeremy told
me about it last night when we talked. By the way, what do you get a
thirteen
year old city boy?”
“Don’t ask me, I’ve
never had
kids.”
“No nieces or
nephews?”
“I’m an only child.
I don’t
even have cousins.”
“I guess I’d better
have
another talk with Jeremy. And, thanks, Doctor Jeffers for asking. I
know you
feel good about being gay, but I’m not able to, right now. Okay?”
“Sure, maybe next
year.”
A little after six,
Tuesday evening,
Zach pulled his Ranger in behind Sara’s red Miata at the McDonald house
on
Foundry Ridge. In the daylight, the house looked bigger than it had
Saturday
night. There were rooflines connecting what Zach thought had been
separate buildings.
The house was simply huge. The style as he would learn later was a meld
of
North Coast Indian and Japanese designs with a lot of native cedar
planks,
broad eaves, low pitched roofs, and a lot of glass.
“Hi, Zach,” Jeremy
said,
suddenly appearing as if by magic at his door. “I bought you a present.”
“How’s my favorite
sixteen
year old?” Zach asked. He extricated himself from the pickup and shut
the door.
Jeremy held out a paper sack. Zach opened it and pulled out a skimpy
piece of
material. When he saw the Speedo logo Zach stared at Jeremy. “What’s
this for?”
“To go swimming, of
course,”
Jeremy said. He unbuttoned his jeans and opened the fly. “See, I’ve got
mine on
already. Come on, maybe we can get in a few laps before Sara steals
you.”
“Jeremy? You think
I’m going
to wear this?”
“What? Are you
afraid your
dick might show? I saw you in those jeans Saturday morning. Hurry up,
I’ll help
you change.”
Zach had to
practically run
to keep up with the boy as Jeremy led him into the house through a door
beside
the garage. Then down a long, broad hallway with windows on one side
looking
out over a well manicured lawn sloping down toward a large stand of
tall
conifers, the other side of the hall was decorated with watercolors. To
Zach,
as he hurried by, they all seemed to be by the same artist. There were
double
doors at the end, but Jeremy opened a side door that led into a smaller
hallway
with a number of doors along the right side and more paintings on the
left.
Jeremy opened the last door on the right.
“Hurry up, Zach,
and get that
shirt off,” Jeremy said as he kneeled down onto the polished concrete
floor.
“I’ll help you with your boots and socks and we’ll meet in the middle.”
They were in a
dressing room
with a long bench of vertical redwood slats along one side and a row of
chrome
clothes hooks on the other. Jeremy had Zach’s pant legs pulled up and
was
working on the left boot first. Zach had worn his work boots simply for
comfort
and because they didn’t have pointy toes, which Zach couldn’t stand
wearing for
more than a few hours. Jeremy had the first one off in a few seconds
and was
working on the second while Zach unbuckled his belt. He raised his feet
a
second time as Jeremy pulled off the socks.
Before Zach could
react,
Jeremy reached up and pulled Zach’s jeans and boxers down to his
ankles. Zach
raised a foot expecting Jeremy to pull them off, but the boy seemed to
be more
interested in Zach’s flaccid cock which hung comfortably over his
balls. Jeremy
took it in his hand and quickly awakened it by slowly stroking its
length. It
was only half hard when Jeremy put his mouth over the swelling head.
“Are you certain
you know
what you’re doing?” Zach asked, looking down at the top of Jeremy’s
head. The
boy was definitely doing something right because Zach’s cock was
quickly
stiffening from the boy’s attention.
“Oh, god, Jeremy,”
Zach
moaned as the younger boy’s lips began to move back and forth over a
good
portion of his cock. While one hand was positioned as a stopping point,
the
other was busy fondling Zach’s balls with one finger seeming to go off
by
itself toward that treasure trove at the other end of the perineum.
“If you don’t stop,
I’m gonna
come,” Zach said, putting his hands onto Jeremy’s head, running his
fingers
through the boy’s mop of nearly black hair. He held the head as his
hips began
to pump his cock into the boy’s mouth. Then he felt Jeremy’s errant
finger find
its goal. When it pressed firmly against the tight ring of muscle, Zach
knew it
was over.
He thrust in firmly
and felt
his cock explode. He looked down into Jeremy’s up turned eyes and
smiled. He
pulled back a little, but Jeremy moved his hand and took the subsequent
volleys
into his mouth. As the spasms slowly subsided, Jeremy’s finger
continued to
probe at Zach’s tightly closed gate as if searching for the key to more
pleasure.
When Jeremy finally
let go of
Zach’s softening cock, he helped the older boy step out of his pants
and
underwear. Then he stood up and their lips met. The kiss was deep and
full of
youthful passion. Zach could taste the remains of his seed in Jeremy’s
mouth
and accepted it as special gift from the boy. He intended to return the
favor
as soon as he was able to remove Jeremy’s clothes.
“I didn’t tell you
Sunday
night when I called you, but Roger and I saw you and that other boy
down on the
waterfront,” Jeremy said as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. “Is he
your
boyfriend? The one who convinced you to sell your cherry?”
“Uh, yeah,” Zach
said.
“Do you know how I
felt when
I saw the two of you all lovey-dovey with each other?
“No.”
“I felt like shit.
I thought
Daddy kicked me in the balls when he laughed at me because I said I
liked you,
but seeing you with that other boy was far worse. Turn around!”
“What?”
“I said turn
around. I’m
going to fuck the shit out of you. Come on, turn around.”
“No! Damn it! No!
For one
thing he’s not a boy. He’s twenty-two fucking years old. If you’d have
gotten a
little closer you’d have seen that. And, another thing, I like you. I
think
you’re a great kid, but I’m not going to let you push me around like
your
father tried to do. If you’re mad at me, hit me. Go on, hit me. That’s
what
your father would’ve done. Oh, and one more thing, what’s with the
skimpy swim
suit? Just a trick to get me in here so you can get your jollies by
trying to
humiliate me? Well, I’m sorry, Jeremy. I’m sorry you saw me with the
man I
love. I thought you and I might have something together. Nothing like
what I
have with Steven, but something special because I like you an awful
lot. You
were my first and I was your first. We’ll never have that, again. But,
if you
want to throw it all away because of some immature, childish jealousy,
well,
you can just go fuck yourself.”
Jeremy was crying
by the time
Zach got to the end of his tirade, but Zach ignored him and started to
dress.
He wanted them to be friends. He knew he was probably two-timing
Steven, but
Jeremy was a neat kid and Zach liked being around him. But, Jeremy was
just a
kid. He had two years of high school to get through and he might not be
here
next week. His mother could very well have the boys brought back to
Switzerland to live with her. He was better off getting
out of
the kid’s life. He sat down to put on his socks, but Jeremy’s sobbing
was
getting to him. He stood up and took Jeremy into his arms.
“Come on, Jeremy,
stop
crying,” Zach said, kissing the boy’s tear stained cheek. “I’m sorry I
yelled
at you, but you have to understand I love Steven. He’s very special to
me right
now, but you’re special, too. I’ll never have the same love towards you
that I
have with Steven, but I’ll always have a special place in my heart for
you.
You’re nice and you’re a good fucker. I love the feel of your dick in
my ass,
but I’m not about to let you force me. I guess I’d better get out of
here.”
Jeremy started that
unnerving, sickening “nnng” sound so often heard from those who are
trying to
stop crying and start talking at the same time. Words are lost in
mucous
covered nasal passages and almost totally blocked by erratic breathing,
so that
nothing comes out except mushy sounds lacking any sense of pitch or
tempo. Zach
tried to break his embrace, but Jeremy held on so tight Zach
reluctantly gave
in and wrapped his arms around the boy.
He’d never felt
this amount
of anger and compassion at the same time. They seemed to be competing
for dominance,
while at the same time trying to meld into one emotion that burned deep
in
Zach’s heart. Could it be possible to love two people at the same time?
He knew
he almost positively loved Steven, but Jeremy was worming his way in,
too. He
suspected neither would accept the other, yet at the same time if he
could
convince Jeremy that it was possible for him to love them equally, but
differently—because he knew his love for Steven was definitely
different than
his feelings for Jeremy—it might be possible to convince Steven, too.
“I love you,”
Jeremy
whispered between sobs and held Zach even tighter.
Zach couldn’t stop
himself as
tears began to dribble down his cheeks. His eyes and nose burned from
hearing
the boy say those words, but he, too, tightened his grip on the other.
He
wanted to say the words, but was afraid of the consequences to admit
feeling
the same toward the boy. It was more complicated than simply saying I
love you.
It had to be more complicated because he, also, loved Steven. He had no
choice,
though. He had to give in.
“Make love to me,”
Zach
whispered. “I want to feel you inside me. Come on, Jeremy, pull your
swim suit
down and love me.”
He released the boy
and
turned around, bent slightly at the waist and pressed his hands against
the door.
“We don’t have any
lube,”
Jeremy whispered.
“Use spit. You’ve
been crying
long enough, it should be really slimy now.”
“Okay,” Jeremy
whispered.
Zach let his mind
wander as
he tried to relax himself. He knew this was going to be uncomfortable,
but he
knew he wanted it as much as he knew Jeremy needed to do it. He felt
the boy
moisten his pucker and then the hard knob of the boy’s cock. Zach
pushed and felt
the boy slowly slip in. He kept pushing until Jeremy was fully imbedded.
“Go slow,” Zach
said.
He could hear
Jeremy softly
weeping while the pull and push of the boy’s engorged dick began a
steady, slow
tempo that ever so slowly began to increase. Unexpectedly, Jeremy
slapped
Zach’s right thigh and then the left.
“Hey! What the hell
is that
for?” Zach said, probably louder than he should.
“For two-timing
me,” Jeremy
said. “Oh, god, Zach, your ass feels so good to me. I’ve waited for
this for
three days. I thought I was going to go crazy waiting for a chance to
fuck you.
Oh! Shit!”
The tempo sped up
along with
the force of the thrusts. Zach watched his cock fill out and quickly
stiffen.
He knew what was coming. The sensations of Jeremy’s cock were so
incredible.
“Harder, Jeremy,
fuck me
harder,” Zach hissed, but it was too late as his orgasm took over and a
wad of
his come splattered against the door. The next hit a little lower down.
He shut
his eyes as his body uncontrollably shivered. Then Jeremy slapped his
right
thigh again, harder this time.
“Zach, I’m sorry,”
the boy
whispered and thrust in deeply. He put his arms around Zach’s abdomen
and chest
and Zach felt Jeremy’s orgasm shuddered through his body as the boy’s
cock
pulsed deep inside him. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Hi, what are you
doing?”
“Watching TV.”
“Why aren’t you out
on a
gig?”
“Gay Pride, all the
closet
doors are open and everybody is happy. Sunday night the dumb fuckers
will shut
their closet doors and business will be back to normal. In fact, I’ve
got two
appointments Sunday night.”
“You’re not going
to the parade
and street fair?”
“Why? And, see half
my
customers? Hell, they’ll be wanting to duck into some alley for a
freebie. No,
I’m lying low this weekend.”
“Can I come over?”
“Did you finish
studying?”
“Yeah, I have to
finish my
first draft for next Wednesday, but I’m done with everything else.”
“You sound
depressed. Need to
talk about it?”
“Maybe. Maybe I
just want
Stevie’s tiny, little boy arms around me.”
“Umm, sounds kind
of kinky Davie. Didn’t know you were into little boys.”
“Just one. I’ll be
there in
half an hour.”
“More like
forty-five
minutes, you mean.”
Zach looked around
his empty
dorm room and wondered if he should consider renting a small studio
apartment
for fall term. He didn’t look forward to sharing the room with some
snotty
nosed kid fresh out of high school, unless, of course, the kid had a
nice dick
and wasn’t too certain whether it belonged stuffed up some girl’s baby
hole or
giving another guy a good time. He had to start planning for the
eventuality of
Jeremy drifting out of his life because that was going to happen
whether Jeremy
wanted it or not. As much as Zach wanted the boy’s dick right where it
gave him
the most pleasure, he didn’t want to play the kid’s mind games.
Jeremy was calling
everyday
now. At six in the morning to get Zach up and ready to go to class at
eight.
Then, again, at five-thirty when Zach
got back to his room. The kid was head over heals in love with him and,
the
problem was, Zach was almost there, too. After their little to do
Tuesday
night, Jeremy was all forgiving to the point where Zach felt like
belting the
kid a good one just to repay him for the smartass slaps on his thighs
when they
were fucking. But, it was the inane conversations the kid tried to make
with
Zach. They simply lived in different worlds.
For the most part,
Jeremy
grew up in Switzerland with his mother. She was some sort of model
who
enamored Jeremy’s father in college. He had big bucks from daddy and
made quite
a show in Europe the summer after his senior year in college.
Whatever
he did to win her over must have been something because she bore him
Sara,
Jeremy, and Paul before figuring out the good hubby was nothing more
than a
middle manager who’d never, ever be chairman of the board. The big bust
came
when the trust fund paid out, only there were so many clauses—like
don’t marry
a floozie from Europe—hubby didn’t get more than a pittance while
the bulk
of the assets rolled over into trust funds for their kids. Hubby’s
grandpa was
a shrewd businessman who figured if you can’t get it right with one
generation,
invest in the next one, you’re bound to get it right eventually.
Hubby’s one saving
grace was
the dot com stock options his company kept doling out to him for
outstanding
performance. He knew what to do with them and they paid big time. By
the time
he walked out the front door, never to return, he was worth enough to
afford a
wife who lived in Switzerland with her lover and the kids. He could
also
afford the
lawyers to get his kids back, whether they wanted to leave paradise, or
not.
Jeremy spoke nearly
fluent
French, plus had a sizable vocabulary of Italian and German words and
phrases
to get by when running away from home, which he did too frequently for
his own
good. He simply thrived in Europe. His goal was to get into the Foreign
Service and be
posted back to Switzerland. Either that, or get hired by a Swiss
company to be
their token American to be put on display at corporate gatherings. He
didn’t
really care, as long as he could get back to where he felt at home.
And, that,
more than anything, put him on Zach’s drop list. The kid was sweet, but
he
outclassed Zach in everything.
Zach looked at the
overnight
bag in his hand and wondered when he’d packed the silly thing. He knew
Steven
didn’t want him staying over, but maybe subconsciously he was planning
for the
possibility he could worm his way into forcing Steven to relent, if
only just
this once. The thought of them sleeping together on the futon with
Steven
behind him, his tiny, little boy arm draped over him, and the man-size
dick
shoved between his thighs, made Zach’s cock throb with excitement.
Tomorrow afternoon
he had
Paul’s birthday party and thought of seeing Jeremy, again. That
stiffened him
quickly. His ass twitched in anticipation of the boy’s dick massaging
the inside
of his gut, while the boy’s hands softly caressed Zach’s body. He
wondered if
he could sneak Jeremy into his dorm. They’d be all alone and could fuck
as long
as they wanted, but he had to get those thoughts out of his mind. He
had to get
rid of the boy, whether he had a nice dick, or not. It wouldn’t work.
Their
relationship didn’t stand a chance of working out. Jeremy had two years
of high
school left. Then he’d be off to some fancy college back East. Except,
Zach
suspected he’d end up being matriculated at North Park. After all,
Gramps was on the Board.
The drive took
longer than
Zach wanted, but Steven was waiting for him down in the garage. Zach
left his
bag in the front seat, not wanting to get into a fight with Steven
right then.
They lightly kissed each other and held hands as they walked to the
elevator.
Words seemed unnecessary, as both contemplated what was going to happen
when
they entered Steven’s apartment.
Except, Zach’s mind
was still
working on the Jeremy problem. He wanted everything to work out okay,
but
wasn’t all that certain what “okay” meant to him. He wanted Steven very
much.
He wanted Jeremy, too, but not as much as he wanted Steven. He knew
he’d never
be more than a passing fancy for Jeremy, but there was the risk their
separation
would hurt the boy and he didn’t want to do anything that might harm
Jeremy,
which simply meant he loved the boy. He cared for Jeremy’s welfare and
happiness.
“What’s wrong?”
Steven asked.
They were sitting on the futon, but Zach didn’t remember coming into
the
apartment. Something was on the television. Maybe it was a DVD, Zach
couldn’t tell. “What’s troubling you Davie?”
“That boy, the
McDonald boy,
Jeremy. I went to see him Tuesday night. He calls me everyday. Twice.
Oh, god,
Stevie, what am I going to do? I love you. I can’t love him, too, but
I’m
falling for him and I can’t stop myself.”
“I told you, you
can’t love
me, so what’s your problem?”
Zach stared at him.
The
matter-of-fact way he said it seemed cold almost as if Steven believed
Zach
couldn’t fall in love with him after everything that had gone on
between them
over the past two weeks. He was here at this moment anticipating an
evening of
wonderful sex with the man he loved, but that man suddenly acted as if
there
couldn’t be any love between them.
“Look, kiddo, Uncle
David is
paying me to look after you. Now, we might be doing some wonderfully
sexy shit,
but that doesn’t mean you have to love me. If I did it your way, I’d be
in love
with most of my regulars, but I’m not. I could care less whether they
call me
or not. They’re a bunch of losers who get their jollies fucking little
boys.
And, now, you’re doing the same thing only you’re giving out your ass
for free.
That little McDonald boy should be paying you big time for sticking his
dick up
your ass. Love? Fuck Davie, you don’t know shit about love. You want
some
popcorn?”
Zach stared at
Steven
wondering who this person was. This certainly wasn’t the same guy who’d
fucked
him Saturday morning. Nor, was it the guy who went to church with him
and then
spent the afternoon down on the waterfront doing touristy shit.
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Do you want some
popcorn?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Then go down to
the corner
market and buy some. Hurry up and I’ll put on some porn. I got one
where all
the guys hardly look eighteen.”
When
Zach returned Steven was wearing a baby blue Loretta Lynn t-shirt and
black and
red checked boxers. He’d lowered the back of the futon and extra
pillows had
been brought out from wherever Steven was hiding them. On the
television screen
a naked man was kneeling between two other men, one fucking his ass and
the
other fucking his face. Steven was trimming his toenails and seemed
oblivious
to what was happening on the screen.
“Do
you mind if I get comfortable?” Zach asked. He walked into the kitchen
and put
a popcorn package in the microwave. While dutifully waiting, per the
package’s
instruction not to leave it unattended in the microwave, he began
undressing.
He’d purposefully worn boxers, knowing they provided immediate access
if Steven
became so inclined and, well, it kind of felt good leaving things on
their own.
There was a certain amount of inherent freedom knowing you weren’t
bound up in
tight briefs.
The
popcorn package did its thing without fail and puffed up tightly about
the same
time Zach got everything off except for the boxers. He remembered
Steven liked
a little nipple play as an introduction to more serious foreplay and,
besides,
baring a chest was something you did in summer.
Zach
pulled open the popcorn package and started opening cupboard doors
looking for
a big bowl for the popcorn, but Steven didn’t have any dishes or pots
and pans.
When he opened the refrigerator the light didn’t come on. He thought
the light
was out. Then he saw it wasn’t even turned on. There wasn’t any food in
the
kitchen, nothing to prepare food, and nothing to use to eat food. The
perfect
kitchen for someone who didn’t eat. Zach wondered how long it took
Steven to
ignore his body’s insistence for nourishment. He wondered how long it
would
take him to learn to live without eating.
“What
took you so long?” Steven asked when Zach sat down next to him and put
the
popcorn package between them. Steven took one piece and began to nibble
it
while he carefully held it in his fingers.
“I
was looking for a bowl, but I guess you don’t have any use for a bowl.”
“Never
figured why. I never have enough food to put in a bowl. Those microwave
packages seem good enough. This is pretty good popcorn. I wish they
still made
those little frying pan thingies. I liked to watch that aluminum bubble
puff
up. When I was little Mom had one of those poppers with a crank and I’d
stand
in a chair to make popcorn. They had an air popper, too, but I never
liked that
stuff. My Uncle Benny grew popcorn and left the kernels on the ears.
Then he’d
put the ear in a paper sack and microwave it. We’d drizzle melted
butter over
it and too much salt and eat it right off the ear. That was so neat.”
“You
lived in the country, then?”
“No,
in town. Dad grew up out on the ranch with Aunt Jenny and Uncle Benny.
After
graduating from Texas Tech, Aunt Jenny moved up here with her first
husband and
stayed when he left her for a younger girl in his office. Uncle Benny
lives on
about a thousand acres down toward Austin,
but he has a couple Mexican families to
take care of
things. He’s a professor of mathematics at Texas.
Dad stayed with the family business, but
Mom didn’t
want to live so far from any town, so he moved everything to Midland.
Most of our property and wells were down
that way so
it seemed logical, I guess.”
“Wells?”
“Oil,
you know, Texas tea, or
some such silly shit.”
“You’re
rich?”
“No,
I’m a fag. Daddy is a good Baptist and hates fags, especially the one
who has
half his genes. I have a trust fund Granddaddy set up for all the
grandkids,
but I don’t get anything, and I mean anything, until I’m thirty-five.
Depending
on how it’s invested it’ll probably be twenty million or so, but I’m
penniless
until then. Aunt Jenny slipped me a hundred or so every now and then
when I was
desperate, but I haven’t talked to her in a couple years. I lived with
her when
Daddy got rid of me. ‘I don’t have boys who get raped by homos.’ That’s
what he
said in the hospital when the doctor asked him if he wanted to see me.
He left
the hospital and told them not to send the bill to his house because he
didn’t
have a son named Steven.”
“What
did you do?”
“Called
Aunt Jenny and she had me flown up here. I was in the hospital for
months. Then
went to live with her. If you ever meet her, don’t say anything about
the woman
living with her. They’re not lesbians, they’re just good friends. They
sleep in
the same bed. They do everything together and have the wildest parties
where
only women get invited, but they’re not lesbians. She’ll slap you if
you say
that word around her. I know!”
“Aunt
Jenny sounds kind of neat.”
“She
lives on Lake
Washington over by Bellevue.
Maybe I should call her. You being a fag,
too, will
make it easier to get you in the front door. When I was in school I
couldn’t
bring other kids over to the house unless they were queer, too, and
even then
we had a problem with Stu. God, what a total dork he was. Good
cocksucker, but
worthless as a friend. Called Aunt Jenny a dyke to her face. She
slapped him
and told me I couldn’t be his friend. He called the fucking police, but
we’re
rich and have good lawyers. She was put on probation or something. Stu
was
history. Good cocksucker, though. Hey, you want me to buy you some
beer?”
“Sure,
but you’ll have to put some clothes on.”
“Just
my jammies and slippers. Should I get you a forty pounder or a couple
bottles
of something good?”
“What’s
good? I drink Bud, mostly.”
“Wow,
you actually drink that shit? I’ll get us a few bottles of Moose Drool.
It’ll
probably knock your socks off, but since you’re not wearing any you’re
safe.
Right?”
“Moose
Drool?”
“Yeah,
you’ll like it.”
And,
Zach liked it. By the third bottle he wasn’t in any condition to drive
home. He
simply laid down on the futon and went to sleep. At some point he was
aware
Steven trying to waken him, but he was too far gone to do anything more
than to
mumble an expletive and go back to sleep.
Zach
awoke in the middle of the night. His eyes seemed to pop open as he
struggled
to place himself and it took him awhile to remember he was at Steven’s
apartment on the futon; except, Steven wasn’t next to him or anywhere
close.
There weren’t any lights on, including any leaking out under the
bathroom door,
but light from the city streamed in through the slider to the deck
casting a
sickening orange glow on everything. Then he heard a whimper. He looked
around
the room and saw a form lying on the floor in what should have been the
dining
area, if there had been a table there.
There was another
whimper,
more distinct this time, followed by a soft insistent, “Noooo.”
Zach sat up and as
his eyes
adjusted to the dim light he saw that Steven was naked and there seemed
to be a
puddle of water around him. Only, the water had a distinct odor. Zach
then saw
Steven had his head on a small pillow and he appeared to be shivering.
He got
to his feet and went into the kitchen looking for paper towels.
Steven whimpered
again,
followed by a low, soft moan as if he was in pain. Another whimper came
out
followed by another, “Noooo.”
Zach found a
package of six
rolls of paper towels under the sink and took one roll into where
Steven was
lying. As Steven continued to whimper and moan, he knelt down and began
to sop
up the urine. It took quite a few towels to get the floor clean and
Zach was
feeling pretty good about being able to help his friend when he saw
Steven
suddenly go rigid.
“No! Stop! No! No!
My name is
Jake. Stop! Ricky. No! Dave. Stop! Steve. No! No, no, noooo.” Steven
whispered
through his teeth as if in extreme pain. Each word came out as more of
a hiss
than a spoken word. Then Zach smelled the unmistakable odor of shit. He
got up
and turned on the light over the stove and watched feces being expelled
from
Steven’s rigid body. He grabbed some more paper towels and went back to
work.
Afterwards, Zach
got down on
the floor and sat beside Steven. He didn’t know what to do, so he
pulled
Steven’s light, limp body up onto his lap and held him trying to soothe
whatever was troubling his friend.
“Davie? Are you still here?”
“Hush, Stevie,
everything is
alright.”
“I didn’t mess all
over
myself, did I?”
“I cleaned
everything up,
Stevie.”
“You’re good, you
know that Davie? You’re good.”
“Hush, Stevie, go
back to
sleep?”
“Did I ever tell
you the
story about the Rodeo Fairy at the Midland Rodeo?”
“No, I don’t think
you did?”
“He was a little
boy like me.
Cowboys like little boys. They remind them of little brothers. The
Rodeo Fairy
hung around where the cowboys waited for their turn. There was a lot of
puking
and some even went behind a pickup and shit because they were so
nervous about
riding bulls. A lot of them were lonely, missing mommy and daddy, and
even
little brother who they remembered messing around with.
“Five bucks a blow.
Ten bucks
a fuck. The Rodeo Fairy had it made. There weren’t a lot of boys in
Midland who had the balls to work the rodeo, but the
Rodeo
Fairy had no fear.”
“Were you the Rodeo
Fairy?”
“No, no, not
Steven. No,
Steven was not the fairy. Steven didn’t do that. No. You believe me,
don’t you Davie? You know Steven couldn’t do that. It was
the Fairy.
He did that. Steve was queer, but not a fairy.
“The Rodeo Fairy
didn’t know
they were looking for him. He was famous on the circuit. Little boy
suck your
cock. Five bucks. Only, the Rodeo Fairy added fucking. Ten bucks a fuck.
“Hi, my name is
Jake. You’re
awfully young to be out here by yourself. Is your daddy around here?”
“You don’t look
like a
cowboy.”
“Didn’t fool you,
huh? You’re
pretty perceptive, kid. You seen a fairy around here?”
“What’d you have in
mind?”
“How old are you?”
“How old do you
want me?”
“How’d you like to
come to a
party? My friends have some beer back at our motor home. Like a beer,
kid?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“The Rodeo Fairy
went with my
name is Jake. He’d never had beer. He’d never had booze. Smoked a
little weed,
but no booze. My name is Jake was older than the cowboys. Not old like
his dad,
but older than the cowboys. The Rodeo Fairy followed my name is Jake
out to the
motor home.
“The Rodeo Fairy
followed my
name is Jake into the motor home.
“Is this the fairy?”
“The one and only
my name is
Jake said as he turned around and backhanded the Rodeo Fairy who fell
down on
the floor. My name is Jake kicked the Rodeo Fairy in the gut.
“Thanks Dave my
name is Jake
said. My name is Jake poured whiskey into the Rodeo Fairy’s mouth, but
the
Rodeo Fairy didn’t swallow so my name is Jake held the Rodeo Fairy’s
nose and
the Rodeo Fairy swallowed the whiskey and gagged, but my name is Jake
made the
Rodeo Fairy swallow.
“My name is Jake
picked up
the Rodeo Fairy and hit the Rodeo Fairy in the stomach with his fist.
The Rodeo
Fairy flew up to the ceiling and watched my name is Jake pick up the
little boy
and throw him down on the floor. Show starts in a little bit boys my
name is
Jake said and took the little boy to the bedroom. The Rodeo Fairy flew
in,
following my name is Jake and the little boy. My name is Jake stripped
the
little boy and made the little boy bleed. My name is Jake stuffed the
little boy’s
underpants into the little boy’s mouth and made the boy bleed, again.
Then my
name is Jake left.
“Steve came in and
hit the
little boy. Then Steve made the little boy bleed. Then Steve left.
“Dave came in and
hit the
little boy. Then Dave made the little boy bleed. Then Dave left.
“Rick came in and
made the
little boy scream when Dave bit the little boy, but the sock in the
little
boy’s mouth prevented the little boy from screaming too loud. The
little boy
looked in Rick’s face and saw the little boy’s blood on Rick’s face.
Then Rick
made the little boy bleed. Then Rick left.
“The Rodeo Fairy
wanted to
get out but no one would open a door or window so the Rodeo Fairy could
fly
away. My name is Jake came back and hit the little boy real hard. Then
my name
is Jake made the little boy bleed, again.
“It was quiet for a
long
time. The Rodeo Fairy flew around the room but couldn’t find a way out
of the
room. It was quiet. It was quiet. The Rodeo Fairy couldn’t hear
anything.
“My name is Jake,
Rick, Dave,
and Steve were sleeping. The Rodeo Fairy followed the little boy out
the door.
The wood chips cut the little boy’s feet as the little ran, but the
little boy
didn’t know which way to run. The little boy ran. The Rodeo Fairy
watched the
little boy run across the wood chips cutting the little boy’s feet. The
little
boy was bleeding.
“WHAM!
“The Rodeo Fairy
was on the
ground. The Rodeo Fairy didn’t see the deputy sheriff’s car. The Rodeo
Fairy
was on the ground. The Rodeo Fairy was bleeding.
“Oh, my god!
“Who did this to
you boy? Oh
my god asked the Rodeo Fairy. The little boy pointed to the motor home.
“Davie? You don’t believe
I’m the Rodeo Fairy, do
you? I
told you I wasn’t. You believe, right? Davie?”
“Hush, Stevie,
hush. Go back
sleep, Stevie. I’m here, I’ll protect you. Go back to sleep.”
Zach tightly held
Steven to
his chest trying to get images of Steven being brutalized in that motor
home.
He didn’t know what to do. This was beyond anything he’d encountered
before. He
remembered Steven telling him he’d been twelve when he had his first
fuck, but
was this Steven or some other boy he’d read about in the newspaper or
heard
about on the street in Midland. Holding Steven, Zach scooted himself
back to
the wall to have something to lean against.
Zach eyes snapped
open. He
was sitting on the dining room floor in Steven’s apartment. Steven
wasn’t with
him. He heard a voice. The bathroom door was closed. He rose to his
feet and
went over to the door.
“No, Aunt Jenny. . . .
Please, I’m okay. . . . His name is
Zach. . . . He’s good to me. . . . No,
Aunt
Jenny. . . . No. . . .”
Zach opened the
door and saw
blood. Then he saw Steven holding a cell phone to his ear and a tiny
trickle of
blood dripped off his elbow.
“Get out of here!”
Steven
yelled and held out the steak knife toward Zach who grabbed the little
hand and
wrenched the knife away from him. Steven sank to the blood splattered
floor,
cowering away from Zach.
Zach picked up the
cell phone
and listened. The he said, “Who’s this?”
“I’m Jennifer
O’Brien,
Steven’s aunt. Is this Zach?”
“He’s trying to
kill himself,
but the knife isn’t sharp enough. He has gashes all over his arms and
legs, but
he isn’t bleeding. I’ve got to call 9-1-1.”
“No! Listen to me,
Zach. Calm
down. Is Steven bleeding severely?”
“No, a lot but none
of the
wounds are squirting like he’d hit an artery.”
“Good, Pat called
the
hospital and they’re sending an ambulance to Steven’s apartment.
They’re from a
private hospital where Steven will be cared for. Are you his friend, or
something?”
“My Uncle David
hired Steven
to be my friend. I know that sounds sick, but Steven and I have become
good
friends. He means a lot to me.”
“Okay, the
ambulance will be
there soon. You’ll have to let them in. Is Steven okay?”
“He’s on the floor
like he’s
afraid of me. Last night after he peed and shit on himself, Steven told
me a
story about a boy who’d been attacked in Midland,
Texas. Something about a Rodeo
Fairy.”
“Oh, god! He told
you?”
“Yeah. That wasn’t
him, was
it?”
“Yes, but he told
you. Steven
must really like you. He’s told maybe three other people that story.”
“The door phone is
ringing.”
Zach set the cell
phone down
on the counter and went into the living room. He pressed the key
combination
for the apartment building’s security door, unlocked the front door,
and went
back into the bathroom. Steven was lying on the floor tucked up into a
fetal
position. Zach pressed two fingers to Steven’s neck and felt a firm,
steady
pulse. He picked up the cell phone and listened.
“Are you still
there?” Zach
asked.
“Yes, are they
there? Is
Steven okay?”
“They’re coming up.
I checked
his pulse, it’s okay. Where will they take him?”
“Fir Grove Hospital, it’s across One
Hundred Forty-third from North Park College.”
“The big, yellow
brick
mansion with the high stone wall around it?”
“Yes, do you know
it?”
“I go to North Park and live in Boyle Hall.
It’s across the
street from me. I can see it
from my room.”
“Then you can go
see him. I
want to thank you, Zach. Can you stay there? I need to make sure
Steven’s
apartment is okay.”
“Yeah, I’ll clean
up and wait
for you. I might step out for a moment because there isn’t any food in
here.”
“When was the last
time
Steven ate?”
“He had maybe ten
pieces of
popcorn last night. I don’t know if he ate anything earlier. He’s real
skinny.
He looks starved.”
“Damn! That too?
What was
that noise?”
“They’re here. I’ve
got to
go.”
“See you in a bit,
Zach.”
“You the guy’s
boyfriend?”
one of the ambulance attendants asked.
“Yes, as a matter
of fact,”
Zach said, suddenly realizing he’d practically admitted being gay to a
total stranger.
“He’ll be okay.
He’s
practically a regular. What’d he use this time?”
Zach pointed at the
steak
knife.
“Stupid fucker
doesn’t want
to die, just hurt. We see it all the time. Well, he’ll be living at our
place
for a while. You staying here?”
“Yes, his aunt is
coming
over. She called for you.”
“Oh, yeah, Doctor
Jenkins
lady friend. Will I see you up at Gay Pride today?”
“Huh?”
“My group will be
in the
parade. I’m out, finally. My daughter will be marching with me.”
“Oh.”
Zach watched them
wheel
Steven out the door and down the hall. He watched the man who said he
was gay
and wondered what group he belonged to.
Later that
afternoon, when
Zach drove the Ranger up into the McDonald house on Foundry Ridge, he
saw
Jeremy waiting for him. Jeremy didn’t look too happy. Zach figured
somebody’s
little brother was making too much of a big deal about who was turning
thirteen
today, but was a little scared when he found out the real reason.
“How’s the birthday
boy’s big
brother?” Zach asked as he climbed out of the Ranger. He was wearing
khakis, a
button-down blue dress shirt, and his snakeskin dress boots. He’d put
up with
the pointy toes just to look good.
“My grandfather
wants to talk
to you,” Jeremy said. “I’ll take the present and tell Paul it’s from
you.”
“There’s a card,”
Zach said,
handing the wrapped present to Jeremy who stepped back as if he didn’t
want to
get too close. “What’s wrong?”
“He asked me this
morning if
we were doing it. I wasn’t going to tell. Honest, Zach, I didn’t mean
to say
anything, but he talks around things and before you know it you’re
saying
things you don’t want to. I know he’s going to yell at you and tell you
you
can’t see me anymore. I love you!”
“It’ll be okay,
Jeremy. I’m
sure your grandfather is doing everything he can to protect you.”
“It’s this way,”
Jeremy said
as he turned and walked toward the door beside the garage. Zach
followed and
could tell by the way Jeremy was breathing he was starting to cry.
Inside the
door, instead of turning right to the hallway to the pool, Jeremy
opened
another door. There was a staircase leading up.
“He’s up there in
his hobby
room,” Jeremy said as tears dribbled down his face.
Zach pulled the boy
into a
tight hug and whispered into his ear, “It’ll be okay. Jeremy, come on,
it’ll be
okay.”
Jeremy broke away
from him
and ran toward the house. Zach swallowed and climbed the stairs not
knowing
what was going to happen, but fearing the worst. At the top of the
stairs there
was another door, he lightly knocked then opened it. Inside there was a
huge model
train layout that took up most of the room. Zach figured it had to be
at least
twenty feet wide by more than fifty feet long. There were mountains,
cities,
and trains going every where. Doctor Jeffers was talking to an older
man at the
other end of the room.
“Ah, Romeo has
decided to
join us,” Doctor Jeffers said loudly, but even then Zach could barely
hear him
with all the noise from the trains speeding around the tracks and some
sort of
classical music coming from somewhere in the room. Zach looked for
speakers,
but couldn’t see any. There were a lot of skylights, but no windows.
The walls
and ceiling were painted white. Zach walked over to the men.
“Zach this is my
friend Bud,”
Doctor Jeffers said.
Zach held out his
hand and gave
a firm shake, “Nice to meet you sir.”
“See? Country to
the core,”
Doctor Jeffers said. “Not a mean streak in the boy. Well, I’ll leave
you two.
Be nice to him, Bud, I like him.”
Zach watched Doctor
Jeffers
leave then turned to the other man. He looked to be in his forties, but
Zach
knew he was at least as old as Doctor Jeffers. He’d obviously taken
good care
of his body. He was over six feet tall and built like someone who swam
a lot,
which might explain the pool. His balding gray hair was short, probably
not
more than a quarter inch long. His blue eyes sparkled, but he had a
day’s worth
of stubble all over his face.
“Well, let’s go in
here and
talk,” Bud said, leading Zach through a door and into a smaller room
that
looked to be a workroom for the train layout. There were shelves around
the
room with various railcars on tracks, a workbench, and two gray leather
overstuffed side chairs. “Can I get you something to drink? All I have
is juice
or bottled spring water.”
“That’s alright
sir,” Zach
said uncertain whether he should sit or stand.
“Call me Bud, and,
relax and
have a seat,” Bud said sitting in one of the chairs. “My son is the
hitter. I’m
a lover, but you’re a bit too young for me.”
“What?”
“Got ya!”
“I don’t
understand, uh,
Bud.”
“I’m probably a
four and a
half on the Kinsey scale. Dickie, Doctor Jeffers to you, and I go a
long way
back, but I got married and had kids, while he kept the faith and
stayed with
boys. Sometimes I think life would’ve been a whole lot simpler if I’d
have gone
off with him, instead of marrying Miriam. Anyway, my grandson says he
loves you
and you two are having sex.”
“Uh, well, uh, I,
you see . . .”
“Calm down, okay?
Look, Zach,
I don’t know what Jeremy said to you, but I understand young love.
Hell, Dickie
and I certainly had a good time when we were your age, well, we started
a bit
younger because Dickie knew he was gay very early. So, do you love my
grandson?”
“Sir, uh, Bud, I
like Jeremy
a lot, but he’s got two years of high school to go through and, well,
I’m in
college and I already have a boyfriend, or at least I think I do. I
really
don’t know what’s going on. I want both of them, but I know Jeremy is
going to
find someone his own age or he’s going to go back to Switzerland.
There’s no way our relationship can get
closer.”
“Zach, for
starters, Jeremy
and Paul will not go back to Switzerland.
That woman doesn’t want them. I’ve spoken
to her and
she’ll let them visit, but they’ll have to come back here. For now,
they’ll
live here at Four Cedars. I don’t foresee them ever living with that
man who is
unfortunately the result of not wearing a condom when I should have.
But, you
said you have a boyfriend?”
“Yeah, well, Steven
has
issues and doesn’t deal with love very well. He had a breakdown last
night and
his aunt had to put him in Fir Grove this morning. He kind of tried to
kill
himself with a dull knife. I know I’m in love with him, but I don’t
know if it
will work out in the long run. What I do know is that I’m too old for
Jeremy. I
like him a lot, maybe love him, but he needs to find someone his own
age. I
don’t want to hurt him, but we can’t be more than really good friends.”
“He scares you,
doesn’t he?
No, it’s alright, I understand. Jeremy is a remarkable young man. We
all
thought he was straight, like his friend Roger, but obviously there was
another
side to Jeremy none of us understood. How do you propose letting him
go?”
“I don’t know. I
don’t want
to hurt him if I can avoid it. I just wish I can find him someone
closer to his
own age. Someone closer to his, well, your, you know, your people.”
“Feel a little
intimidated by
all the money?”
“Yeah, a little. We
had
money. Heck, I had fifty thousand in the bank when I got here, but I
know
that’s a pittance compared to what Jeremy has.”
“Actually, Jeremy
doesn’t
have fifty thousand. He just has the trappings by having rich parents
and an
even richer grandfather. We don’t purposefully raise our kids to think
they’re
rich. My son was an exception that I regret to this day. He has no
sense of
social responsibility. And, after that stunt this weekend, he’ll be
lucky to
have a life. Men like him don’t survive in prison and he’s going to
prison if I
have my say.”
“So, what do I do
about
Jeremy?”
“My advice is to
continue to
see him, practice safe sex at all times, and let him decided how long
it has to
go on. Don’t let him push you around. If he’s calling you too much,
tell him to
stop. If he’s being a bother, tell him to ease off. That little
incident the
two of you had in the dressing room might have been fun, but don’t let
it
happen again. Keep a condom in your wallet, for god’s sake. Bare
backing may be
fun, but it’s dangerous as hell these days no matter who might be a
virgin.”
“Okay, sir, I’ll
wait and
see. I suppose it’s for the best anyway.”
“You can’t call me
Bud, can
you?”
“I wasn’t brought
up that
way, sir.”
“I understand.
Dickie had
that problem for a long time, too.”
“Doctor Jeffers? I
don’t
understand.”
“He was the son of
our
butler. Dad paid for his education, all the way to his doctorate. I
think
Dickie called me sir until we were sophomores. Weirdest thing, too.
Never could
understand his subservience. Then he became my best friend and we’ve
been Bud
and Dickie ever since. He was my best man at my wedding and the
godfather of
our daughter Lisa.”
“I guess I’d better
go, sir.”
“Yeah, you take it
easy and
be nice to Jeremy. What did you get Paul?”
“A word processing
program.
Jeremy said Paul needed one.”
“Spend too much
money?”
“On one of your
grandsons?
No, I can never spend too much on them.”
“Paul told me, too.”
Zach looked at Bud.
“Don’t look so
shocked. I
think it’s neat what you did. Now, we all know Paul is gay. There’s no
doubt
about that kid. And, what you gave him is worth more than you know.
You’re not
in the business are you? It was just a one time thing, right?”
“Yes, sir, a one
time thing.
My boyfriend is in the business and was trying to get me involved, too,
for the
money, but it’s not worth the money you get. And, thank you, sir, for
being
understanding.”
“Good, now, go take
my
grandson out for a hamburger or something. He doesn’t need to be moping
around
here because his brother got all the presents. And, Zach?”
“Yes, sir?”
“If you need
anything,
anything at all, ask me. If I can’t get it, I might know someone who
can.
Anything, Zach, anything.”
“Yes, sir, thank
you.”