concerns adult and teenage gay
males who may be involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for
read such stories, or if you do not like to read such stories, please
copyright 2006 by the author who retains all rights.
is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the author's imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
This chapter contains a violent
remembrance by one of the characters. It is told as a story, as the
refuses to believe he was the victim. The author does not condone
violence when committed as part of a sexual act. The scene takes place
story for character development and disposition. Whether you agree, or
things happen and sometimes there is a lesson in the occurrence. The
apologizes to those who are offended by violent acts occurring in his
and understands if you choose not to continue following this story.
This is my
third submission to Nifty. My
previous submissions can be found in the High School section under
Kiel’s Story. Any comments or questions are
welcome at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
thank you goes out to all who
write. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff,
like it or not. I try to answer all emails, even flames. (I’m a writer,
for rejection.) Although sometimes it takes a little time to get back
you, I do
try to answer. If I'm remiss in replying to yours, I apologize.
The Pastel Cowboy
Zach spent most of
with Steven. When he got to the apartment Steven was neatly dressed in
khakis and a short-sleeved, green dress shirt, but had sandals on his
though he was wearing white socks. Steven directed Zach up to Capitol
Hill to a
small parking lot beside a quaint, gray stone church. Steven slipped
tightly folded dollars bills into the pay box and they went inside.
couldn’t have been more than fifteen parishioners sitting in two rows
that could easily hold a hundred. Zach heard the organ and felt his
They sat up close to front where all the others were sitting. A few
showed up before the pastor came out and sat on a chair beside the
by Carl Holiday
6 – Gay Pride
Zach hadn’t been in
for nearly a year. He hung his head as tears freely dribbled out of his
He felt Steven’s arm across his back and he leaned into his friend for
All of the hate and disgust he’d been subjected to back in Carruthers
comparison to the peace he felt at that moment.
With teary eyes,
with the parishioners and sang the opening hymn,
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed!
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
We have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
heart and Zach broke down into gut wrenching sobs. He couldn’t bear
to anymore of the hymn and pulled away from Steven’s embrace and ran
door. He sat out on the stone steps bawling in the warm morning sun. He
the organ and the parishioners’ words jumble together as one hears a
with different instruments playing slightly different melodies that
join together into one sound. He felt a muscular arm across his
looked over to see the pastor sitting beside him. A faint smile broke
year because members of my church, including my parents, believed I was
Zach blubbered. “They didn’t ask me if it was true. They didn’t pray
They didn’t do anything except push me out of their lives.”
be surprised how welcoming God can be to lost souls. Come on, let’s go
Zach allowed the
help him to his feet and sank into the man’s embrace. A good hug is
worth more than a few words. When they separated he daubed his eyes
handkerchief and noisily blew his nose.
“You’re too big of
boy to be
crying,” the pastor said.
“I didn’t start
until I fell
in love,” Zach said.
“With the boy you
He seems kind of young.”
“He’s in his early
He’s a graduate student at North Park College. He fools a lot people.”
He figured the
need to know Steven purposefully starved himself to look young. Nor,
necessary to say that Steven sold his body to old men who liked to
were messing with a little kid. It was more than enough to admit he was
“He reminds me of a
boy I met
a couple years ago,” the pastor said as he held the door for Zach.
the same guy. I suppose if you don’t look too close and don’t expect
him to hiding
his true age, you’d never really know, would you?”
“He fooled me the
time,” Zach said. The singing had stopped and the organ had gone back
playing a medley of familiar hymns.
the usual toned down evangelical liturgy. Zach slipped a fifty into the
offering plate that had mostly loose change and a few ones; and after
offering, the lesson, and another hymn the pastor went to the pulpit.
“I had a sermon
but I believe the Lord wants me to speak on something entirely
pastor began. “Please open your Bibles to Galatians 3:22. Paul is
the Galatians, who have come under the influence of teachers of Jewish
which many people today seem to selectively rely on when condemning
other people in our community. The Word says, ‘Before this faith came,
held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So
was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by
that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the
Zach wanted to
knew the passage, but his church said that passage was meant to be
not literally, which was just another way to pick apart the Word.
the Bible into verses so you can read some and ignore others. Then
verses are to be taken as truth, which means the other verses are
advice. The laws are in the Book, therefore, they are meant to be
Well, some of them.
Both Steven and he
Communion when the grape juice and unleavened wafers were passed
pews. He knew in his heart the Bible said wine, but this church chose
that word and served unfermented grape juice which would have spoiled
time. He also knew that in Jesus’ time most wine was cut nearly in half
water, diminishing the effects of the alcohol, but today’s Christians
After the service,
remained in the pew trying to decide if it was necessary to return. He
know these people, nor was he completely comfortable with their brand
hypocrisy. Being thrown out of his church had given him the opportunity
for God in places other than a white clapboard building at the corner
Second and Lincoln in Carruthers, Oklahoma. He’d read his Bible, cover
answers, but only finding comfort in the words. His God was here in
church, but probably most of the parishioners didn’t recognize Him.
liked most, though, was not being put out because he might be gay. That
good a reason as any to come back.
The rest of the day
down on the waterfront looking at the sights, eating shellfish, and
hanging out with Steven. They took the ferry over to Bremerton, but
came right back. The ride was for the
more than going somewhere else to look at more touristy shit. Mostly,
Zach felt restrained by being in church that morning. He’d pretty much
on the idea that he could get with others who believed as he did
been forced to come up with his own answers. He believed and for him
nearly enough, but he also knew he’d go back, at least for the almond
someone brought for fellowship after the service.
On Monday morning,
watched Jerry walk into the classroom. He glanced over and their eyes
met for a
moment. Then Jerry went over to his usual seat. He looked happier than
remembered causing Zach to suspect Jerry and Bruce had taken the first
steps toward intimacy. He couldn’t decide if he was happy or sad.
At the end of
wasn’t certain he was ready to spend the lunch hour with Jerry and
or the other would be fine, but it was going to be difficult sitting at
table with both of them. He looked up from his desk and saw everyone
except Doctor Jeffers who was standing at the door.
“Bud tells me you
instrumental in rescuing his grandkids this weekend,” Doctor Jeffers
“My friend, Charles
I’ve called him Bud since we were roommates as freshman in college.”
you know why she wasn’t in class today?”
“I’m sure you know
was arrested Saturday. I spoke with her last night. They’re moving a
lot of things
from their home over to her grandfather’s house. She said she’d be here
“Can I ask you
Doctor Jeffers said. He was biting his lower lip. Zach looked at him
smiled. “Would you consider going with me to Gay Pride on Saturday?”
“What’s Gay Pride?”
celebration the gay
community puts on every year. There’s a parade and a street fair. It
to get out, no pun intended, and admit to the world we’re proud to be
“Why would anyone
want to do
that? My life was destroyed by people who simply assumed I was gay.
I could be looking forward to a very promising football career. I had a
good chance of going to Oklahoma, Arkansas, or, quite possibly, even
Texas, and not some out of the way liberal arts
where you have to be accepted to the college before they’ll let you
football and there aren’t any scholarships anyway. You think I’d be
proud to be
in your silly parade. I’m fucking disgusted with you guys. Proud? Fuck!
even talk to my parents or brothers or sister or their families. You
fucked up my life and I bet you’re proud you did that, too.”
Zach stood there
he’d ever felt in a long time. Tears were streaming down his face and
Steven very, very much; and, he was disgusted with that thought, but he
deep down Steven could give him comfort he’d never find anywhere else.
stared at him
as if Zach had plunged a dagger in his heart. Zach realized he wanted
the man. His hands were clenched tight and his arm muscles tensed ready
shoulder muscles to get in the act.
“Fuck you!” Zach
and ran for the stairs. He didn’t know where he was going, but he had
out of that building and away from that happy queer.
Once down in the
headed straight for the middle and stood at the triple junction of
walkways seething, his mind a jumble of disconnected thoughts. Hate,
disgust, anger, and fear struggled for dominance as his mind raced
hidden goal. He had to get away, but as his mind slowly put the
thoughts in some orderly sense, he bent over and tried to vomit. Only,
wasn’t anything to come up except for the disgust he felt for himself.
matter how hard he tried, Zach couldn’t throw up the hatred for what he
He looked up and
Jeffers standing a few feet away. There was concern on his face, but he
seem to want to get closer. He simply stood there, waiting.
Zach turned and saw
bench behind him. There was a small plaque on the top rail of the
“Given in memory of William S. Gay, ’21, by his loving son.” Zach
sat down on the Gay bench.
now,” Zach said. “If you want, you can sit beside me.”
“You never let it
“No, I just let
them stomp me
into the ground. I could’ve run. I could’ve gotten out of there and
complete mess of my life, but I stayed and let them walk all over me so
end up here with a chance to be better than those people. But, no,
Jeffers, I am not proud to be gay. Not yet, anyway. Maybe someday I’ll
to go to your parade, but not now.”
“It’s okay, maybe
you at the birthday party.”
get an invitation?”
“Oh, Paul’s, yes,
me about it last night when we talked. By the way, what do you get a
year old city boy?”
“Don’t ask me, I’ve
“No nieces or
“I’m an only child.
even have cousins.”
“I guess I’d better
another talk with Jeremy. And, thanks, Doctor Jeffers for asking. I
feel good about being gay, but I’m not able to, right now. Okay?”
“Sure, maybe next
A little after six,
Zach pulled his Ranger in behind Sara’s red Miata at the McDonald house
Foundry Ridge. In the daylight, the house looked bigger than it had
night. There were rooflines connecting what Zach thought had been
The house was simply huge. The style as he would learn later was a meld
North Coast Indian and Japanese designs with a lot of native cedar
broad eaves, low pitched roofs, and a lot of glass.
“Hi, Zach,” Jeremy
suddenly appearing as if by magic at his door. “I bought you a present.”
“How’s my favorite
year old?” Zach asked. He extricated himself from the pickup and shut
Jeremy held out a paper sack. Zach opened it and pulled out a skimpy
material. When he saw the Speedo logo Zach stared at Jeremy. “What’s
“To go swimming, of
Jeremy said. He unbuttoned his jeans and opened the fly. “See, I’ve got
already. Come on, maybe we can get in a few laps before Sara steals
“Jeremy? You think
to wear this?”
“What? Are you
dick might show? I saw you in those jeans Saturday morning. Hurry up,
Zach had to
to keep up with the boy as Jeremy led him into the house through a door
the garage. Then down a long, broad hallway with windows on one side
out over a well manicured lawn sloping down toward a large stand of
conifers, the other side of the hall was decorated with watercolors. To
as he hurried by, they all seemed to be by the same artist. There were
doors at the end, but Jeremy opened a side door that led into a smaller
with a number of doors along the right side and more paintings on the
Jeremy opened the last door on the right.
“Hurry up, Zach,
and get that
shirt off,” Jeremy said as he kneeled down onto the polished concrete
“I’ll help you with your boots and socks and we’ll meet in the middle.”
They were in a
with a long bench of vertical redwood slats along one side and a row of
clothes hooks on the other. Jeremy had Zach’s pant legs pulled up and
working on the left boot first. Zach had worn his work boots simply for
and because they didn’t have pointy toes, which Zach couldn’t stand
more than a few hours. Jeremy had the first one off in a few seconds
working on the second while Zach unbuckled his belt. He raised his feet
second time as Jeremy pulled off the socks.
Before Zach could
Jeremy reached up and pulled Zach’s jeans and boxers down to his
raised a foot expecting Jeremy to pull them off, but the boy seemed to
interested in Zach’s flaccid cock which hung comfortably over his
took it in his hand and quickly awakened it by slowly stroking its
was only half hard when Jeremy put his mouth over the swelling head.
“Are you certain
what you’re doing?” Zach asked, looking down at the top of Jeremy’s
boy was definitely doing something right because Zach’s cock was
stiffening from the boy’s attention.
“Oh, god, Jeremy,”
moaned as the younger boy’s lips began to move back and forth over a
portion of his cock. While one hand was positioned as a stopping point,
other was busy fondling Zach’s balls with one finger seeming to go off
itself toward that treasure trove at the other end of the perineum.
“If you don’t stop,
come,” Zach said, putting his hands onto Jeremy’s head, running his
through the boy’s mop of nearly black hair. He held the head as his
to pump his cock into the boy’s mouth. Then he felt Jeremy’s errant
its goal. When it pressed firmly against the tight ring of muscle, Zach
He thrust in firmly
his cock explode. He looked down into Jeremy’s up turned eyes and
pulled back a little, but Jeremy moved his hand and took the subsequent
into his mouth. As the spasms slowly subsided, Jeremy’s finger
probe at Zach’s tightly closed gate as if searching for the key to more
When Jeremy finally
let go of
Zach’s softening cock, he helped the older boy step out of his pants
underwear. Then he stood up and their lips met. The kiss was deep and
youthful passion. Zach could taste the remains of his seed in Jeremy’s
and accepted it as special gift from the boy. He intended to return the
as soon as he was able to remove Jeremy’s clothes.
“I didn’t tell you
night when I called you, but Roger and I saw you and that other boy
down on the
waterfront,” Jeremy said as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. “Is he
boyfriend? The one who convinced you to sell your cherry?”
“Uh, yeah,” Zach
“Do you know how I
I saw the two of you all lovey-dovey with each other?
“I felt like shit.
Daddy kicked me in the balls when he laughed at me because I said I
but seeing you with that other boy was far worse. Turn around!”
“I said turn
going to fuck the shit out of you. Come on, turn around.”
“No! Damn it! No!
thing he’s not a boy. He’s twenty-two fucking years old. If you’d have
little closer you’d have seen that. And, another thing, I like you. I
you’re a great kid, but I’m not going to let you push me around like
father tried to do. If you’re mad at me, hit me. Go on, hit me. That’s
your father would’ve done. Oh, and one more thing, what’s with the
suit? Just a trick to get me in here so you can get your jollies by
humiliate me? Well, I’m sorry, Jeremy. I’m sorry you saw me with the
love. I thought you and I might have something together. Nothing like
have with Steven, but something special because I like you an awful
were my first and I was your first. We’ll never have that, again. But,
want to throw it all away because of some immature, childish jealousy,
you can just go fuck yourself.”
Jeremy was crying
by the time
Zach got to the end of his tirade, but Zach ignored him and started to
He wanted them to be friends. He knew he was probably two-timing
Jeremy was a neat kid and Zach liked being around him. But, Jeremy was
kid. He had two years of high school to get through and he might not be
next week. His mother could very well have the boys brought back to
Switzerland to live with her. He was better off getting
the kid’s life. He sat down to put on his socks, but Jeremy’s sobbing
getting to him. He stood up and took Jeremy into his arms.
“Come on, Jeremy,
crying,” Zach said, kissing the boy’s tear stained cheek. “I’m sorry I
at you, but you have to understand I love Steven. He’s very special to
now, but you’re special, too. I’ll never have the same love towards you
have with Steven, but I’ll always have a special place in my heart for
You’re nice and you’re a good fucker. I love the feel of your dick in
but I’m not about to let you force me. I guess I’d better get out of
Jeremy started that
unnerving, sickening “nnng” sound so often heard from those who are
stop crying and start talking at the same time. Words are lost in
covered nasal passages and almost totally blocked by erratic breathing,
nothing comes out except mushy sounds lacking any sense of pitch or
tried to break his embrace, but Jeremy held on so tight Zach
in and wrapped his arms around the boy.
He’d never felt
of anger and compassion at the same time. They seemed to be competing
while at the same time trying to meld into one emotion that burned deep
Zach’s heart. Could it be possible to love two people at the same time?
he almost positively loved Steven, but Jeremy was worming his way in,
suspected neither would accept the other, yet at the same time if he
convince Jeremy that it was possible for him to love them equally, but
differently—because he knew his love for Steven was definitely
his feelings for Jeremy—it might be possible to convince Steven, too.
“I love you,”
whispered between sobs and held Zach even tighter.
Zach couldn’t stop
tears began to dribble down his cheeks. His eyes and nose burned from
the boy say those words, but he, too, tightened his grip on the other.
wanted to say the words, but was afraid of the consequences to admit
the same toward the boy. It was more complicated than simply saying I
It had to be more complicated because he, also, loved Steven. He had no
though. He had to give in.
“Make love to me,”
whispered. “I want to feel you inside me. Come on, Jeremy, pull your
down and love me.”
He released the boy
turned around, bent slightly at the waist and pressed his hands against
“We don’t have any
“Use spit. You’ve
long enough, it should be really slimy now.”
Zach let his mind
he tried to relax himself. He knew this was going to be uncomfortable,
knew he wanted it as much as he knew Jeremy needed to do it. He felt
moisten his pucker and then the hard knob of the boy’s cock. Zach
pushed and felt
the boy slowly slip in. He kept pushing until Jeremy was fully imbedded.
“Go slow,” Zach
He could hear
weeping while the pull and push of the boy’s engorged dick began a
tempo that ever so slowly began to increase. Unexpectedly, Jeremy
Zach’s right thigh and then the left.
“Hey! What the hell
for?” Zach said, probably louder than he should.
said. “Oh, god, Zach, your ass feels so good to me. I’ve waited for
three days. I thought I was going to go crazy waiting for a chance to
The tempo sped up
the force of the thrusts. Zach watched his cock fill out and quickly
He knew what was coming. The sensations of Jeremy’s cock were so
harder,” Zach hissed, but it was too late as his orgasm took over and a
his come splattered against the door. The next hit a little lower down.
his eyes as his body uncontrollably shivered. Then Jeremy slapped his
thigh again, harder this time.
“Zach, I’m sorry,”
whispered and thrust in deeply. He put his arms around Zach’s abdomen
and Zach felt Jeremy’s orgasm shuddered through his body as the boy’s
pulsed deep inside him. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Hi, what are you
“Why aren’t you out
“Gay Pride, all the
doors are open and everybody is happy. Sunday night the dumb fuckers
their closet doors and business will be back to normal. In fact, I’ve
appointments Sunday night.”
“You’re not going
to the parade
and street fair?”
“Why? And, see half
customers? Hell, they’ll be wanting to duck into some alley for a
I’m lying low this weekend.”
“Can I come over?”
“Did you finish
“Yeah, I have to
first draft for next Wednesday, but I’m done with everything else.”
depressed. Need to
talk about it?”
“Maybe. Maybe I
Stevie’s tiny, little boy arms around me.”
“Umm, sounds kind
of kinky Davie. Didn’t know you were into little boys.”
“Just one. I’ll be
half an hour.”
minutes, you mean.”
Zach looked around
dorm room and wondered if he should consider renting a small studio
for fall term. He didn’t look forward to sharing the room with some
nosed kid fresh out of high school, unless, of course, the kid had a
and wasn’t too certain whether it belonged stuffed up some girl’s baby
giving another guy a good time. He had to start planning for the
Jeremy drifting out of his life because that was going to happen
wanted it or not. As much as Zach wanted the boy’s dick right where it
the most pleasure, he didn’t want to play the kid’s mind games.
Jeremy was calling
now. At six in the morning to get Zach up and ready to go to class at
Then, again, at five-thirty when Zach
got back to his room. The kid was head over heals in love with him and,
problem was, Zach was almost there, too. After their little to do
night, Jeremy was all forgiving to the point where Zach felt like
kid a good one just to repay him for the smartass slaps on his thighs
were fucking. But, it was the inane conversations the kid tried to make
Zach. They simply lived in different worlds.
For the most part,
grew up in Switzerland with his mother. She was some sort of model
enamored Jeremy’s father in college. He had big bucks from daddy and
a show in Europe the summer after his senior year in college.
he did to win her over must have been something because she bore him
Jeremy, and Paul before figuring out the good hubby was nothing more
middle manager who’d never, ever be chairman of the board. The big bust
when the trust fund paid out, only there were so many clauses—like
a floozie from Europe—hubby didn’t get more than a pittance while
of the assets rolled over into trust funds for their kids. Hubby’s
a shrewd businessman who figured if you can’t get it right with one
invest in the next one, you’re bound to get it right eventually.
Hubby’s one saving
the dot com stock options his company kept doling out to him for
performance. He knew what to do with them and they paid big time. By
he walked out the front door, never to return, he was worth enough to
wife who lived in Switzerland with her lover and the kids. He could
lawyers to get his kids back, whether they wanted to leave paradise, or
Jeremy spoke nearly
French, plus had a sizable vocabulary of Italian and German words and
to get by when running away from home, which he did too frequently for
good. He simply thrived in Europe. His goal was to get into the Foreign
Service and be
posted back to Switzerland. Either that, or get hired by a Swiss
company to be
their token American to be put on display at corporate gatherings. He
really care, as long as he could get back to where he felt at home.
more than anything, put him on Zach’s drop list. The kid was sweet, but
outclassed Zach in everything.
Zach looked at the
bag in his hand and wondered when he’d packed the silly thing. He knew
didn’t want him staying over, but maybe subconsciously he was planning
possibility he could worm his way into forcing Steven to relent, if
this once. The thought of them sleeping together on the futon with
behind him, his tiny, little boy arm draped over him, and the man-size
shoved between his thighs, made Zach’s cock throb with excitement.
Paul’s birthday party and thought of seeing Jeremy, again. That
quickly. His ass twitched in anticipation of the boy’s dick massaging
of his gut, while the boy’s hands softly caressed Zach’s body. He
he could sneak Jeremy into his dorm. They’d be all alone and could fuck
as they wanted, but he had to get those thoughts out of his mind. He
had to get
rid of the boy, whether he had a nice dick, or not. It wouldn’t work.
relationship didn’t stand a chance of working out. Jeremy had two years
school left. Then he’d be off to some fancy college back East. Except,
suspected he’d end up being matriculated at North Park. After all,
Gramps was on the Board.
The drive took
Zach wanted, but Steven was waiting for him down in the garage. Zach
bag in the front seat, not wanting to get into a fight with Steven
They lightly kissed each other and held hands as they walked to the
Words seemed unnecessary, as both contemplated what was going to happen
they entered Steven’s apartment.
Except, Zach’s mind
working on the Jeremy problem. He wanted everything to work out okay,
wasn’t all that certain what “okay” meant to him. He wanted Steven very
He wanted Jeremy, too, but not as much as he wanted Steven. He knew
be more than a passing fancy for Jeremy, but there was the risk their
would hurt the boy and he didn’t want to do anything that might harm
which simply meant he loved the boy. He cared for Jeremy’s welfare and
They were sitting on the futon, but Zach didn’t remember coming into
apartment. Something was on the television. Maybe it was a DVD, Zach
couldn’t tell. “What’s troubling you Davie?”
“That boy, the
Jeremy. I went to see him Tuesday night. He calls me everyday. Twice.
Stevie, what am I going to do? I love you. I can’t love him, too, but
falling for him and I can’t stop myself.”
“I told you, you
me, so what’s your problem?”
Zach stared at him.
matter-of-fact way he said it seemed cold almost as if Steven believed
couldn’t fall in love with him after everything that had gone on
over the past two weeks. He was here at this moment anticipating an
wonderful sex with the man he loved, but that man suddenly acted as if
couldn’t be any love between them.
“Look, kiddo, Uncle
paying me to look after you. Now, we might be doing some wonderfully
but that doesn’t mean you have to love me. If I did it your way, I’d be
with most of my regulars, but I’m not. I could care less whether they
or not. They’re a bunch of losers who get their jollies fucking little
And, now, you’re doing the same thing only you’re giving out your ass
That little McDonald boy should be paying you big time for sticking his
your ass. Love? Fuck Davie, you don’t know shit about love. You want
Zach stared at
wondering who this person was. This certainly wasn’t the same guy who’d
him Saturday morning. Nor, was it the guy who went to church with him
spent the afternoon down on the waterfront doing touristy shit.
“Do you want some
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Then go down to
market and buy some. Hurry up and I’ll put on some porn. I got one
the guys hardly look eighteen.”
Zach returned Steven was wearing a baby blue Loretta Lynn t-shirt and
red checked boxers. He’d lowered the back of the futon and extra
been brought out from wherever Steven was hiding them. On the
a naked man was kneeling between two other men, one fucking his ass and
other fucking his face. Steven was trimming his toenails and seemed
to what was happening on the screen.
you mind if I get comfortable?” Zach asked. He walked into the kitchen
a popcorn package in the microwave. While dutifully waiting, per the
instruction not to leave it unattended in the microwave, he began
He’d purposefully worn boxers, knowing they provided immediate access
became so inclined and, well, it kind of felt good leaving things on
There was a certain amount of inherent freedom knowing you weren’t
bound up in
popcorn package did its thing without fail and puffed up tightly about
time Zach got everything off except for the boxers. He remembered
a little nipple play as an introduction to more serious foreplay and,
baring a chest was something you did in summer.
pulled open the popcorn package and started opening cupboard doors
a big bowl for the popcorn, but Steven didn’t have any dishes or pots
When he opened the refrigerator the light didn’t come on. He thought
was out. Then he saw it wasn’t even turned on. There wasn’t any food in
kitchen, nothing to prepare food, and nothing to use to eat food. The
kitchen for someone who didn’t eat. Zach wondered how long it took
ignore his body’s insistence for nourishment. He wondered how long it
take him to learn to live without eating.
took you so long?” Steven asked when Zach sat down next to him and put
popcorn package between them. Steven took one piece and began to nibble
while he carefully held it in his fingers.
was looking for a bowl, but I guess you don’t have any use for a bowl.”
figured why. I never have enough food to put in a bowl. Those microwave
packages seem good enough. This is pretty good popcorn. I wish they
those little frying pan thingies. I liked to watch that aluminum bubble
up. When I was little Mom had one of those poppers with a crank and I’d
in a chair to make popcorn. They had an air popper, too, but I never
stuff. My Uncle Benny grew popcorn and left the kernels on the ears.
put the ear in a paper sack and microwave it. We’d drizzle melted
it and too much salt and eat it right off the ear. That was so neat.”
lived in the country, then?”
in town. Dad grew up out on the ranch with Aunt Jenny and Uncle Benny.
graduating from Texas Tech, Aunt Jenny moved up here with her first
stayed when he left her for a younger girl in his office. Uncle Benny
about a thousand acres down toward Austin,
but he has a couple Mexican families to
take care of
things. He’s a professor of mathematics at Texas.
Dad stayed with the family business, but
want to live so far from any town, so he moved everything to Midland.
Most of our property and wells were down
that way so
it seemed logical, I guess.”
you know, Texas tea, or
some such silly shit.”
I’m a fag. Daddy is a good Baptist and hates fags, especially the one
half his genes. I have a trust fund Granddaddy set up for all the
but I don’t get anything, and I mean anything, until I’m thirty-five.
on how it’s invested it’ll probably be twenty million or so, but I’m
until then. Aunt Jenny slipped me a hundred or so every now and then
when I was
desperate, but I haven’t talked to her in a couple years. I lived with
Daddy got rid of me. ‘I don’t have boys who get raped by homos.’ That’s
said in the hospital when the doctor asked him if he wanted to see me.
the hospital and told them not to send the bill to his house because he
have a son named Steven.”
did you do?”
Aunt Jenny and she had me flown up here. I was in the hospital for
went to live with her. If you ever meet her, don’t say anything about
living with her. They’re not lesbians, they’re just good friends. They
the same bed. They do everything together and have the wildest parties
only women get invited, but they’re not lesbians. She’ll slap you if
that word around her. I know!”
Jenny sounds kind of neat.”
lives on Lake
Washington over by Bellevue.
Maybe I should call her. You being a fag,
make it easier to get you in the front door. When I was in school I
bring other kids over to the house unless they were queer, too, and
we had a problem with Stu. God, what a total dork he was. Good
worthless as a friend. Called Aunt Jenny a dyke to her face. She
and told me I couldn’t be his friend. He called the fucking police, but
rich and have good lawyers. She was put on probation or something. Stu
history. Good cocksucker, though. Hey, you want me to buy you some
but you’ll have to put some clothes on.”
my jammies and slippers. Should I get you a forty pounder or a couple
of something good?”
good? I drink Bud, mostly.”
you actually drink that shit? I’ll get us a few bottles of Moose Drool.
probably knock your socks off, but since you’re not wearing any you’re
you’ll like it.”
Zach liked it. By the third bottle he wasn’t in any condition to drive
simply laid down on the futon and went to sleep. At some point he was
Steven trying to waken him, but he was too far gone to do anything more
mumble an expletive and go back to sleep.
awoke in the middle of the night. His eyes seemed to pop open as he
to place himself and it took him awhile to remember he was at Steven’s
apartment on the futon; except, Steven wasn’t next to him or anywhere
There weren’t any lights on, including any leaking out under the
but light from the city streamed in through the slider to the deck
sickening orange glow on everything. Then he heard a whimper. He looked
the room and saw a form lying on the floor in what should have been the
area, if there had been a table there.
There was another
more distinct this time, followed by a soft insistent, “Noooo.”
Zach sat up and as
adjusted to the dim light he saw that Steven was naked and there seemed
to be a
puddle of water around him. Only, the water had a distinct odor. Zach
Steven had his head on a small pillow and he appeared to be shivering.
to his feet and went into the kitchen looking for paper towels.
followed by a low, soft moan as if he was in pain. Another whimper came
followed by another, “Noooo.”
Zach found a
package of six
rolls of paper towels under the sink and took one roll into where
lying. As Steven continued to whimper and moan, he knelt down and began
up the urine. It took quite a few towels to get the floor clean and
feeling pretty good about being able to help his friend when he saw
suddenly go rigid.
“No! Stop! No! No!
My name is
Jake. Stop! Ricky. No! Dave. Stop! Steve. No! No, no, noooo.” Steven
through his teeth as if in extreme pain. Each word came out as more of
than a spoken word. Then Zach smelled the unmistakable odor of shit. He
and turned on the light over the stove and watched feces being expelled
Steven’s rigid body. He grabbed some more paper towels and went back to
got down on
the floor and sat beside Steven. He didn’t know what to do, so he
Steven’s light, limp body up onto his lap and held him trying to soothe
whatever was troubling his friend.
“Davie? Are you still here?”
“I didn’t mess all
myself, did I?”
“You’re good, you
know that Davie? You’re good.”
“Hush, Stevie, go
“Did I ever tell
story about the Rodeo Fairy at the Midland Rodeo?”
“No, I don’t think
“He was a little
boy like me.
Cowboys like little boys. They remind them of little brothers. The
hung around where the cowboys waited for their turn. There was a lot of
and some even went behind a pickup and shit because they were so
riding bulls. A lot of them were lonely, missing mommy and daddy, and
little brother who they remembered messing around with.
“Five bucks a blow.
a fuck. The Rodeo Fairy had it made. There weren’t a lot of boys in
Midland who had the balls to work the rodeo, but the
Fairy had no fear.”
“Were you the Rodeo
“No, no, not
Steven was not the fairy. Steven didn’t do that. No. You believe me,
don’t you Davie? You know Steven couldn’t do that. It was
He did that. Steve was queer, but not a fairy.
“The Rodeo Fairy
they were looking for him. He was famous on the circuit. Little boy
cock. Five bucks. Only, the Rodeo Fairy added fucking. Ten bucks a fuck.
“Hi, my name is
awfully young to be out here by yourself. Is your daddy around here?”
“You don’t look
“Didn’t fool you,
pretty perceptive, kid. You seen a fairy around here?”
“What’d you have in
“How old are you?”
“How old do you
“How’d you like to
come to a
party? My friends have some beer back at our motor home. Like a beer,
“The Rodeo Fairy
went with my
name is Jake. He’d never had beer. He’d never had booze. Smoked a
but no booze. My name is Jake was older than the cowboys. Not old like
but older than the cowboys. The Rodeo Fairy followed my name is Jake
out to the
“The Rodeo Fairy
name is Jake into the motor home.
“Is this the fairy?”
“The one and only
my name is
Jake said as he turned around and backhanded the Rodeo Fairy who fell
the floor. My name is Jake kicked the Rodeo Fairy in the gut.
“Thanks Dave my
name is Jake
said. My name is Jake poured whiskey into the Rodeo Fairy’s mouth, but
Rodeo Fairy didn’t swallow so my name is Jake held the Rodeo Fairy’s
the Rodeo Fairy swallowed the whiskey and gagged, but my name is Jake
Rodeo Fairy swallow.
“My name is Jake
the Rodeo Fairy and hit the Rodeo Fairy in the stomach with his fist.
Fairy flew up to the ceiling and watched my name is Jake pick up the
and throw him down on the floor. Show starts in a little bit boys my
Jake said and took the little boy to the bedroom. The Rodeo Fairy flew
following my name is Jake and the little boy. My name is Jake stripped
little boy and made the little boy bleed. My name is Jake stuffed the
underpants into the little boy’s mouth and made the boy bleed, again.
name is Jake left.
“Steve came in and
little boy. Then Steve made the little boy bleed. Then Steve left.
“Dave came in and
little boy. Then Dave made the little boy bleed. Then Dave left.
“Rick came in and
little boy scream when Dave bit the little boy, but the sock in the
boy’s mouth prevented the little boy from screaming too loud. The
looked in Rick’s face and saw the little boy’s blood on Rick’s face.
made the little boy bleed. Then Rick left.
“The Rodeo Fairy
get out but no one would open a door or window so the Rodeo Fairy could
away. My name is Jake came back and hit the little boy real hard. Then
is Jake made the little boy bleed, again.
“It was quiet for a
time. The Rodeo Fairy flew around the room but couldn’t find a way out
room. It was quiet. It was quiet. The Rodeo Fairy couldn’t hear
“My name is Jake,
and Steve were sleeping. The Rodeo Fairy followed the little boy out
The wood chips cut the little boy’s feet as the little ran, but the
didn’t know which way to run. The little boy ran. The Rodeo Fairy
little boy run across the wood chips cutting the little boy’s feet. The
boy was bleeding.
“The Rodeo Fairy
was on the
ground. The Rodeo Fairy didn’t see the deputy sheriff’s car. The Rodeo
was on the ground. The Rodeo Fairy was bleeding.
“Oh, my god!
“Who did this to
you boy? Oh
my god asked the Rodeo Fairy. The little boy pointed to the motor home.
“Davie? You don’t believe
I’m the Rodeo Fairy, do
told you I wasn’t. You believe, right? Davie?”
hush. Go back
sleep, Stevie. I’m here, I’ll protect you. Go back to sleep.”
Zach tightly held
his chest trying to get images of Steven being brutalized in that motor
He didn’t know what to do. This was beyond anything he’d encountered
remembered Steven telling him he’d been twelve when he had his first
was this Steven or some other boy he’d read about in the newspaper or
about on the street in Midland. Holding Steven, Zach scooted himself
the wall to have something to lean against.
Zach eyes snapped
was sitting on the dining room floor in Steven’s apartment. Steven
him. He heard a voice. The bathroom door was closed. He rose to his
went over to the door.
“No, Aunt Jenny. . . .
Please, I’m okay. . . . His name is
Zach. . . . He’s good to me. . . . No,
Jenny. . . . No. . . .”
Zach opened the
door and saw
blood. Then he saw Steven holding a cell phone to his ear and a tiny
blood dripped off his elbow.
“Get out of here!”
yelled and held out the steak knife toward Zach who grabbed the little
wrenched the knife away from him. Steven sank to the blood splattered
cowering away from Zach.
Zach picked up the
and listened. The he said, “Who’s this?”
Steven’s aunt. Is this Zach?”
“He’s trying to
but the knife isn’t sharp enough. He has gashes all over his arms and
he isn’t bleeding. I’ve got to call 9-1-1.”
“No! Listen to me,
down. Is Steven bleeding severely?”
“No, a lot but none
wounds are squirting like he’d hit an artery.”
“Good, Pat called
hospital and they’re sending an ambulance to Steven’s apartment.
They’re from a
private hospital where Steven will be cared for. Are you his friend, or
“My Uncle David
to be my friend. I know that sounds sick, but Steven and I have become
friends. He means a lot to me.”
ambulance will be
there soon. You’ll have to let them in. Is Steven okay?”
“He’s on the floor
afraid of me. Last night after he peed and shit on himself, Steven told
story about a boy who’d been attacked in Midland,
Texas. Something about a Rodeo
“Oh, god! He told
“Yeah. That wasn’t
“Yes, but he told
must really like you. He’s told maybe three other people that story.”
“The door phone is
Zach set the cell
on the counter and went into the living room. He pressed the key
for the apartment building’s security door, unlocked the front door,
back into the bathroom. Steven was lying on the floor tucked up into a
position. Zach pressed two fingers to Steven’s neck and felt a firm,
pulse. He picked up the cell phone and listened.
“Are you still
“Yes, are they
“They’re coming up.
his pulse, it’s okay. Where will they take him?”
“Fir Grove Hospital, it’s across One
Hundred Forty-third from North Park College.”
“The big, yellow
mansion with the high stone wall around it?”
“Yes, do you know
“I go to North Park and live in Boyle Hall.
It’s across the
street from me. I can see it
from my room.”
“Then you can go
see him. I
want to thank you, Zach. Can you stay there? I need to make sure
apartment is okay.”
“Yeah, I’ll clean
up and wait
for you. I might step out for a moment because there isn’t any food in
“When was the last
“He had maybe ten
popcorn last night. I don’t know if he ate anything earlier. He’s real
He looks starved.”
“Damn! That too?
“They’re here. I’ve
“See you in a bit,
“You the guy’s
one of the ambulance attendants asked.
“Yes, as a matter
Zach said, suddenly realizing he’d practically admitted being gay to a
“He’ll be okay.
practically a regular. What’d he use this time?”
Zach pointed at the
to die, just hurt. We see it all the time. Well, he’ll be living at our
for a while. You staying here?”
“Yes, his aunt is
over. She called for you.”
“Oh, yeah, Doctor
lady friend. Will I see you up at Gay Pride today?”
“My group will be
parade. I’m out, finally. My daughter will be marching with me.”
Zach watched them
Steven out the door and down the hall. He watched the man who said he
and wondered what group he belonged to.
Zach drove the Ranger up into the McDonald house on Foundry Ridge, he
Jeremy waiting for him. Jeremy didn’t look too happy. Zach figured
little brother was making too much of a big deal about who was turning
today, but was a little scared when he found out the real reason.
“How’s the birthday
brother?” Zach asked as he climbed out of the Ranger. He was wearing
button-down blue dress shirt, and his snakeskin dress boots. He’d put
the pointy toes just to look good.
wants to talk
to you,” Jeremy said. “I’ll take the present and tell Paul it’s from
“There’s a card,”
handing the wrapped present to Jeremy who stepped back as if he didn’t
get too close. “What’s wrong?”
“He asked me this
we were doing it. I wasn’t going to tell. Honest, Zach, I didn’t mean
anything, but he talks around things and before you know it you’re
things you don’t want to. I know he’s going to yell at you and tell you
can’t see me anymore. I love you!”
“It’ll be okay,
sure your grandfather is doing everything he can to protect you.”
“It’s this way,”
as he turned and walked toward the door beside the garage. Zach
could tell by the way Jeremy was breathing he was starting to cry.
door, instead of turning right to the hallway to the pool, Jeremy
another door. There was a staircase leading up.
“He’s up there in
room,” Jeremy said as tears dribbled down his face.
Zach pulled the boy
tight hug and whispered into his ear, “It’ll be okay. Jeremy, come on,
Jeremy broke away
and ran toward the house. Zach swallowed and climbed the stairs not
what was going to happen, but fearing the worst. At the top of the
was another door, he lightly knocked then opened it. Inside there was a
train layout that took up most of the room. Zach figured it had to be
twenty feet wide by more than fifty feet long. There were mountains,
and trains going every where. Doctor Jeffers was talking to an older
man at the
other end of the room.
“Ah, Romeo has
join us,” Doctor Jeffers said loudly, but even then Zach could barely
with all the noise from the trains speeding around the tracks and some
classical music coming from somewhere in the room. Zach looked for
but couldn’t see any. There were a lot of skylights, but no windows.
and ceiling were painted white. Zach walked over to the men.
“Zach this is my
Doctor Jeffers said.
Zach held out his
hand and gave
a firm shake, “Nice to meet you sir.”
“See? Country to
Doctor Jeffers said. “Not a mean streak in the boy. Well, I’ll leave
Be nice to him, Bud, I like him.”
Zach watched Doctor
leave then turned to the other man. He looked to be in his forties, but
knew he was at least as old as Doctor Jeffers. He’d obviously taken
of his body. He was over six feet tall and built like someone who swam
which might explain the pool. His balding gray hair was short, probably
more than a quarter inch long. His blue eyes sparkled, but he had a
of stubble all over his face.
“Well, let’s go in
talk,” Bud said, leading Zach through a door and into a smaller room
looked to be a workroom for the train layout. There were shelves around
room with various railcars on tracks, a workbench, and two gray leather
overstuffed side chairs. “Can I get you something to drink? All I have
or bottled spring water.”
said uncertain whether he should sit or stand.
“Call me Bud, and,
have a seat,” Bud said sitting in one of the chairs. “My son is the
a lover, but you’re a bit too young for me.”
“I’m probably a
four and a
half on the Kinsey scale. Dickie, Doctor Jeffers to you, and I go a
back, but I got married and had kids, while he kept the faith and
boys. Sometimes I think life would’ve been a whole lot simpler if I’d
off with him, instead of marrying Miriam. Anyway, my grandson says he
and you two are having sex.”
“Uh, well, uh, I,
you see . . .”
“Calm down, okay?
I don’t know what Jeremy said to you, but I understand young love.
and I certainly had a good time when we were your age, well, we started
younger because Dickie knew he was gay very early. So, do you love my
“Sir, uh, Bud, I
a lot, but he’s got two years of high school to go through and, well,
college and I already have a boyfriend, or at least I think I do. I
don’t know what’s going on. I want both of them, but I know Jeremy is
find someone his own age or he’s going to go back to Switzerland.
There’s no way our relationship can get
and Paul will not go back to Switzerland.
That woman doesn’t want them. I’ve spoken
to her and
she’ll let them visit, but they’ll have to come back here. For now,
live here at Four Cedars. I don’t foresee them ever living with that
man who is
unfortunately the result of not wearing a condom when I should have.
said you have a boyfriend?”
“Yeah, well, Steven
issues and doesn’t deal with love very well. He had a breakdown last
his aunt had to put him in Fir Grove this morning. He kind of tried to
himself with a dull knife. I know I’m in love with him, but I don’t
know if it
will work out in the long run. What I do know is that I’m too old for
like him a lot, maybe love him, but he needs to find someone his own
don’t want to hurt him, but we can’t be more than really good friends.”
“He scares you,
No, it’s alright, I understand. Jeremy is a remarkable young man. We
thought he was straight, like his friend Roger, but obviously there was
side to Jeremy none of us understood. How do you propose letting him
“I don’t know. I
to hurt him if I can avoid it. I just wish I can find him someone
closer to his
own age. Someone closer to his, well, your, you know, your people.”
“Feel a little
all the money?”
“Yeah, a little. We
money. Heck, I had fifty thousand in the bank when I got here, but I
that’s a pittance compared to what Jeremy has.”
have fifty thousand. He just has the trappings by having rich parents
even richer grandfather. We don’t purposefully raise our kids to think
rich. My son was an exception that I regret to this day. He has no
social responsibility. And, after that stunt this weekend, he’ll be
have a life. Men like him don’t survive in prison and he’s going to
prison if I
have my say.”
“So, what do I do
“My advice is to
see him, practice safe sex at all times, and let him decided how long
it has to
go on. Don’t let him push you around. If he’s calling you too much,
tell him to
stop. If he’s being a bother, tell him to ease off. That little
two of you had in the dressing room might have been fun, but don’t let
happen again. Keep a condom in your wallet, for god’s sake. Bare
backing may be
fun, but it’s dangerous as hell these days no matter who might be a
“Okay, sir, I’ll
see. I suppose it’s for the best anyway.”
“You can’t call me
“I wasn’t brought
that problem for a long time, too.”
“Doctor Jeffers? I
“He was the son of
butler. Dad paid for his education, all the way to his doctorate. I
Dickie called me sir until we were sophomores. Weirdest thing, too.
understand his subservience. Then he became my best friend and we’ve
and Dickie ever since. He was my best man at my wedding and the
our daughter Lisa.”
“I guess I’d better
“Yeah, you take it
be nice to Jeremy. What did you get Paul?”
“A word processing
Jeremy said Paul needed one.”
“Spend too much
“On one of your
No, I can never spend too much on them.”
“Paul told me, too.”
Zach looked at Bud.
“Don’t look so
think it’s neat what you did. Now, we all know Paul is gay. There’s no
about that kid. And, what you gave him is worth more than you know.
in the business are you? It was just a one time thing, right?”
“Yes, sir, a one
My boyfriend is in the business and was trying to get me involved, too,
money, but it’s not worth the money you get. And, thank you, sir, for
“Good, now, go take
grandson out for a hamburger or something. He doesn’t need to be moping
here because his brother got all the presents. And, Zach?”
“If you need
anything at all, ask me. If I can’t get it, I might know someone who
Anything, Zach, anything.”
“Yes, sir, thank