STANDARD WARNING: This is a work of fiction. Any coincidence
to individuals, living or dead, is pure coincidence. Do not read
this story if you are offended by man-to-man romance or sex. Do
not read if you are underage according to the laws in the
country, state/province, county, city/town/village or township
where you live. There is sex between males. You have been warned!
By archer
Chapter 5
Matt
Bill followed Matt back to Park Forest to discuss the proposal
Bill had just made to Matt over dinner. As they drove in their
separate cars, stray thoughts ran through his head. Bill knows
Im gay, why does he want me to become a foster father?
Doesnt he have enough foster parents? I thought that St
Lukes was supposed to try to reunite the kids with their
natural parents. Matt noticed that Bill brought a manila
envelope from his car.
Matt gave Bill the tour of the town home. He was suitably
impressed.
It still smells new, Bill observed.
Would you like something to drink? Matt asked.
A Coke if you have it. Diet would be best. Matt
brought him a Diet Pepsi and a beer for himself. They seated
themselves in the living room.
What are you going to do with all these bedrooms? Bill
asked.
I got it for resale. Its like automatic transmission
in a car. Manuals better for gas, but not many people can
drive them. Automatic is better for resale.
Bill looked as if he had something on his mind. Finally, he
blurted, How could you tell if a child is gay?
How could I tell? Gaydar.
Gaydar?
Gay radar. You just know. Its like a sense. Im
not sure how to explain it.
Do all gay people have it?
No, not all. I have a friend in Joliet who doesnt.
But I know some straight people who do.
Well, what characteristics would you look for if you
didnt have gaydar?
Matt threw his head back and laughed. Bill, he
gasped. Bill looked somewhat hurt, or angry, Matt wasn't sure. In
any event, he was not amused. Were dealing with
generalities and stereotypes here. If I said that a boy who
played with dolls was gay, or if he had an unusual interest in
show tunes he might be gay. Those are stereotypes.
What else? Bill asked, taking the answer seriously.
Matt sighed. I guess a lack of interest in sports. A gay
boy might have more girls as friends than boys, especially before
adolescence. Whats this about? Why do you want to
know?
Just curious.
Youve never been curious about it before. Youre
very open-minded, but youve never shown an interest.
Matt, Im telling you this in confidence. One of the
kids told me he was gay. And Im trying to discover if he
really is, or just looking for attention.
Matt was a bit taken aback. Oh. Thats
different.
How so?
No kid wants to be different, especially in that sense. No
kid wants to be gay. How old is he?
Almost thirteen.
Matt pondered a moment. It could be a phase, or he could be
experimenting. Or it could be related to being in an all-male
environment. We discovered some sex play at camp. You said
yourself it had more to do with power and domination than
sex.
I did say that, Bill agreed.
Have there been, shall we say, incidents?
Not that I know of.
Matt looked at his hands. When he next spoke, his voice was lower
and serious. I think that any kid who tells you that
hes gay is having doubts. Serious doubts. How does he get
along?
Ok, I guess. Hes sort of a loner. Has one or two
friends and sticks to them. I dont think hes told
anyone else. You can imagine what would happen if he did.
The boys could be merciless to each other, Matt recalled. They
could tease and harass someone to the point of tears, and beyond.
It could be any issue. From speech problems to skin color, ethnic
background, up to and including each others mamas.
Poor kid, Matt sympathized.
Id like you to meet him.
Why?
Id like you to think about being his foster
father.
I should have seen it coming a mile away, Matt thought. All
the questions about my sexuality and being a father.
More Diet Pepsi? Matt asked, simultaneously standing
up and changing the subject.
Why are you changing the subject? Bill asked when
Matt returned to the living room.
I dont know about this, Bill.
Whats there to know? I think its a great idea.
Hes an orphan. Nobody is ever going to adopt him, if
any of this gets out. At the very least, hes going to be
harassed at St. Lukes. And there's the possibility of
suicide. I read in a journal that some social workers and
pyschologists estimate that up to a third of all suicide attempts
are made by youth who have sexual identity issues. You would make
a good father. Youd be a good role model for him.
Thats why you are perfect. Hes a great kid.
Intelligent, bright, and a talented actor.
When would I meet him?
At the next cattle call. Three times a year, St.
Lukes held mixers for the boys and prospective adoptive
parents. It was a new program begun by the administrator, Father
ODonnell. They were based around some kind of organized
activity, like bingo or board games. Earlier in the year, there
had been an Uno tournament.
Last time you were making fun of the cattle calls.
Ive changed my mind. They work. This time were
having a folk dance. Jane Farwell is going to be there.
Shes really dynamic.
Matt was beginning to get interested, but he didnt want to
show Bill that he was.
Bill continued, Its not like youre getting
married. I just want you to meet him. If you two get along, then
maybe we can arrange visits. If not, then no great loss.
Im still not sure about this.
Bill handed him the thick manila envelope. Theres a
ticket inside. And all the paperwork you need to fill out in
order to get your foster license.
Matt cautiously took the envelope. Ill think about
it.
Bill left a few minutes later. As Matt shut the front door, he
thought, That fucking weasel. He had this planned all along.
Bills question echoed through Matts head for days:
Have you ever thought about becoming a father? He had,
indeed, thought about it. But he dismissed it with the next
thought.
There had been a boy named Eric in Matts cabin for three
summers at Camp Homewood. He was like a father figure to all the
campers. Matt had joked that camp counseling was the same as
being a parent, without the sex. Eric was different. They sought
out each others company all the time. Matt thought about
adopting him, but knew that it was quite impossible.
Still, the longing was there. A deep parental longing. To pass
something on to the next generation, and to know that you were
affecting the future. Could it be that men could have the same
instincts as women? He felt the need to nurture, but did he feel
this way because he was gay? Matt was confused. He needed to talk
to someone besides Bill.
He decided that Father Grimes might be able to help him sort
things out. He attended church the following Sunday. He sat in a
pew right behind a father and son. The father was a few years
older than Matt, the boy was eight or nine. All through the Mass
they touched each other with affection. The fathers big,
veiny hands rested on the boys back while the boy gazed
lovingly at the father. At the Kiss of Peace, they actually
kissed each other! It confused Matt a bit, but deepened the
longing.
Matt decided he would go to the function at St. Lukes after
all. Maybe they wouldn't like each other, and that would be the
end of that. Or maybe, just maybe, they would like each other and
something would come of it. Matt decided he would cross that
bridge when he came to it.
Tim continued to show up about once a week on average. He
always came at night. Some weeks he would show up twice a week,
and sometimes two weeks would go by without an appearance. Thus
far, he hadn't spent the night again. Once the sex was over, Tim
left. He also never tried to kiss Matt again. It was about sex,
pure and simple. Tim never sucked Matt, nor did he offer to. Tim
never called before he appeared, either. Matt wondered if he
showed up on the nights he worked late and stood outside knocking
on the door and disturbing Leah.
One Sunday afternoon, Tim appeared. Matt was surprised to see him
in daylight hours. He looked good. He had an early start on a
dark tan from doing construction work outdoors. His hair was cut
shorter than Matt had seen it, and it suited him. And he sported
a new earring in his left ear.
I hope Im not interrupting.
In fact, he was. Matt had a load of laundry going, and he had
planned on doing other household chores that afternoon. He
hadnt even taken a shower yet.
Matt struggled not to let the irritation show in his voice.
Tim, before you leave today, Im going to give you my
phone number, and I want you to call before you come over.
Why?
Because I might have other things to do.
You dont want me here? You want me to leave?
No, its just that I have things to do today. And
Im a bit tired of you showing up any time you feel like
it.
Tims dimples appeared. Sir, yes, sir! Then he
saluted.
Im serious! Dont be a smartass, young
man. As if on cue, the dryer buzzed in the basement.
Another load was done. This load was the one he had to get out
right away, or the clothes would wrinkle.
I have to get the dryer. He started down the stairs.
Why? Is it running away?
You are acting like a twelve-year-old today.
Matt opened the dryer and started to pull the warm clothes out.
Suddenly, Tim wrapped his powerful arms around his waist.
Tim! Let me go! Ive got work to do.
Oh! Cant Matty come out to play?
Stop! I havent even taken a shower yet!
Well, we can fix that! With his arms still
wrapped around his waist and his hands clasped over his belly, he
guided Matt forcefully, but without pain, through the family room
to the basement bathroom. It contained the shower stall where
they had their first sexual encounter. Tim played the role
perfectly, dominating Matt, without hurting him in any way. Matt
knew they were playacting, so he went along with it. Besides, it
was extremely erotic to have Tim in control.
Tim unbuttoned the top button of Matts jeans, and pulled
them down. He almost ripped the polo-type shirt Matt was wearing
off his torso. Then, he hastily ripped his own clothes off. Once
inside the stall, they started the water and adjusted the
temperature. Tim began soaping down Matts body. The
slippery feel of Tims fingertips was incredible. Matt
returned the favor. He loved Tims muscular body. The
masculine biceps, the calloused hands, the big feet. His thighs
were thick and corded like a tree trunk.
Tim found the bottle of shampoo, and gently began washing
Matts hair. By this time, their little play was over. Matt
couldnt remember the last time someone had washed his hair.
Tim did it gently, almost lovingly.
Rinse off, Tim ordered. Matt followed directions.
With his eyes still shut tight against any shampoo, Matt felt
Tims hands position his hips, and turn his body. Matt
rinsed off his face and opened his eyes just in time to see Tim
sink to his knees. With his hands still on Matts hips, Tim
took his cock in his mouth.
A-A-A-A-H! Matt let his back fall against the shower
stall. The sensation was incredible. Tim had done this before.
In a short time, Matt was ready to come. Just at the point of
orgasm, Tim removed his lips and Matts seed washed down the
drain.
By this time, the water was getting cold, so they rinsed the
remains of soap and shampoo off and turned off the water. Before
Matt could step out of the shower, Tim pulled Matts wet
body to his. He planted his lips firmly on Matts. Shortly,
a probing tongue found its way into Matts mouth. Matt
could still feel Tims full hardon pressing against his
thigh. With a burst of passion, Tim released his load on
Matts thigh. Matt thought he was going to see stars.
The mood was broken. Tims dimples appeared. Guess
wed better turn the water back on and wash that off.
Fully dressed again, Tim sat in the living room while Matt
prepared him a mug of coffee. He looked so handsome with his damp
hair combed neatly in place.
Here you go. Now, I really have to get some work done
today. Matt hated to be a jerk, but he was a bit tired of
this manchild dropping in whenever the mood struck him. Tim
looked hurt. Matt sat in the chair.
Look, Im sorry, Matt said. How are things
going with you?
Im living with my parents again. Its just
temporary.
Where were you living before?
With Rosie. That breakup must have been ugly, Matt
thought. I hope to move out into my own apartment by the
summer.
Matt took a risk. How is she?
Rosie? Shes OK. Were still friends. He
stared into his coffee, and swirled the liquid in the mug.
In a way, Im glad.
About what?
That I didnt get married. I love someone else.
Tim looked up from his coffee mug into Matts eyes. Good
God, hes in love with me!
Who? Matt asked, although he knew the answer. He just
wanted Tim to say it out loud.
You.
You cant be in love with me. We have great sex, sure.
But, you dont know what you want out of life. You
arent even sure of your sexuality. And, I am not ready to
settle down again.
Tims voice was quiet. It reflected the pain of rejection
with just a hint of defiance. But I know my feelings. And I
love you.
You are a great guy. Intelligent, fun to be with, caring,
and very good looking. And I still want to be friends with you.
But I made it very clear from the beginning that we were going to
be friends. OK, friends that have sex. But thats it. End
of story. Finito. I want to be single for a while. And,
no offense, but you have some serious issues to work out before I
would even consider a relationship with you.
Like what?
Like if you are gay, or straight, or bisexual, for
starters.
What does it matter?
It matters to me, because I got out of a relationship where
the other guy didnt know who he was or what he wanted, and
it nearly fucked us both up. It matters to me, because I don't
feel like struggling through self-acceptance issues with you, if
you are gay.
I know what I want. I want you. And Ill wait
for you.
Matt responded unkindly, Itll be a long wait.
The day of the folk dance at St. Lukes dawned cloudy and
cool, for early May. Matt had the day off, a rare occurrence. He
usually had Thursdays and Sundays off, but his assistant manager
needed Thursday off, so some schedule-juggling was called for.
Matt created a mental list of things to do around the house. And
he still had to finish the paperwork for the foster license. He
finally admitted to himself that he was interested in becoming a
foster father and actually looking foreword to the cattle
call that evening. And perhaps some old campers or
counselors from Camp Homewood would be there.
The weather did not clear up as the day progressed, but it
didnt matter. Matt busied himself with work around his
house. He did laundry, vacuumed, and ironed. He hung a few
pictures that he had neglected hanging, and cleaned the upstairs
bathroom. By the time he finished, it was time for Phil Donahue.
Matt made a meal for himself, ate it with the TV on, and put the
dishes in the dishwasher. The closer the clock crept to seven,
the more nervous he got.
A dense fog was swirling around his Saturn as he drove to St.
Lukes. Matt loved the fog; it made him feel like he was
safe in a cocoon. But, of course, he was not safe. So he reduced
his speed and turned down the radio. Nick liked talking to
himself and the car was the best place to do it.
What does Tim really want? I certainly dont want to
settle down now, especially after Andy. Andy left me too hurt and
bitter and Im not ready to trust a man again. Especially
one that was engaged to a woman. Why did he break up with his
fiancee, anyway? How do I feel about Tim? What am I getting out
of the relationship?
Matt had arrived at St. Lukes. Matt had only been on the
St. Lukes campus once before, and that was years ago for
his initial interview for Camp Homewood. He parked the car, and
followed the lights to the gym, where the event was being held.
Hey! You! Yes, YOU the reader! You got this far, now how about telling me what you think? I know, I read a lot of stories on Nifty without responding to authors, either. But now that I'm writing one, I need some feedback! Is it too predictable? Do you like the characters? Too romantic or too realistic? Since this is an .html document, it's as easy as clicking this link: mailto: archer@gtemail.net Look foreward to hearing from you!