Disclaimer: The following story contains relationship and sexual act between young men. If material of this nature offends you, or it is illegal in your jurisdiction for you to view it, DO NOT READ any further. Although this story is loosely based on my real life experience, I have changed people's names in order to protect their privacy. Other than that, any similarity between real people or events is purely coincidental.

Please send your comments to seanlee86@gmail.com, good or bad.

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My most sincere apology for the severe delay, it has been a very difficult chapter to write emotionally. I hope it¡¦s worth the wait : ).  

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¡§I don¡¦t know what happened to you before.¡¨ Charley says with all the sincerity he could muster. ¡§I want to help.¡¨

He moves his head closer to David¡¦s while still looking at David¡¦s smoldering hazel eyes as if asking for permission.

David is now completely in a system shut down. He knows this is wrong, but Charley¡¦s approaching face intermittently replaced by Mike¡¦s image petrifies him entirely.

Just then he realizes that the Audio system is playing "Corcovado" again. And in his head, he could faintly hear Mike¡¦s voice ¡§Doesn't matter how far we are apart, doesn't matter what happens, I will always be with you. I promise."

Then he feels lightness in his body spreading from the top of his head. Only after several seconds does David realize it was Charley¡¦s lips that triggered that sensation.

All the repressed emotions that David¡¦s therapist tried in vain to unearth, erupted. Disregarding all his inhibitions, David kissed back, with a passion that only Mike could have roused.

In his head, the line between reality and memory, a new budding friendship and a long departed love, desire for what is not possible and despair for what has been lost is distorting, and finally, blurred into this blinding sense of joy and fulfillment.

(End of Chapter 5)  

Peace Hotel

Chapter 6

By Sean Lee © 2009

David knows this is a dream. Not because of the fuzzy ¡§visual¡¨, nor the sense of involuntary detachment, it¡¦s Mike. David is sorely conscious of his death, even now, while dreaming. In spite of that, he still relishes the dream. He wills it to go on.

David recognizes the beach. It¡¦s in Lutry, a small town on the shore of Lake Geneva. Not too far from Lausanne. It¡¦s a sunny day, maybe in the afternoon.

Mike is wearing a pair of pearly white Lycra swim trunks, David¡¦s gift for their one month anniversary. Mike loved them. He runs through the forest towards the water. The shades of the tree and arrays of sun shine animatedly outline his reverse triangle and his ever so powerful rugby thighs and calves, to an almost musical cadence.

He reaches the sandy beach. He turns and gesturing David to hurry up, with those dimples and a triumphant smile, as if winning a race. Even under the hot summer sun, David could feel the warmth that it conveys and the shiver it sends.

They run into the water, and splash each other, laughing. Without any care in the world, Mike chases after the nearby swans. Forced out of their leisure afternoon swim, those angelic waterfowls flap to erect their bodies while trying to get away from David¡¦s wicked angel.

David swims after Mike and the fleeing birds; grinning.

Finally, the swans take off from the lake. Poise and elegance do not escape them. With two neat lines on the lake and couple of tip-toes on the water, they lift off with wings as their glides. Mike stops in the water and marvels at the sight.

David swims up to him and wraps his arms around Mike. A light kiss on the back of his neck elicits a tickled laugh from Mike. He turns around and kisses back.

¡§I¡¦ll race you to the bottom of the Lake!¡¨ Mike slips his way out of David¡¦s embrace, and dives down into the pristine water.       

Without much processing, David follows. The deeper he swims, the darker the water becomes. Mike¡¦s pearly trunks, light up like a beacon under the reflection.

David can¡¦t stop grinning; thinking when he catches Mike later, he would tell him that the give-away is his gift.

Yet, Mike swims much faster than David, which puzzles him, since he is the captain of the school swimming team.

Until, the faint pearly beacon disappears entirely.

All the warmth David was feeling zapped out of him at that precise moment, replaced with a familiar anguish.

David calls out Mike¡¦s name, only to have the freezing lake water rush into his mouth and down into his lung. The icy agony is insufferable.

In this hopeless moment, David looks up towards the surface of the lake. The sun is a hazy disc. Its heat is unable to penetrate the now freezing water.

So this is how one drowns, David thinks to himself. In desperation, he starts thrashing.

A warm presence approaches him from the side.

¡§Mike!¡¨ David calls out and he opens his eyes. He finds himself staring into a pale yellow sphere through layers of thin drapes.

¡§David, it¡¦s ok. It¡¦s just a dream.¡¨ A strange yet comforting voice speaks to him.

David has managed to kick off his duvet. And with a slight turn to the right, he discovers Charley.

¡§Oh, thanks for sa ¡K, waking me up.¡¨ David catches of himself just in time.

Then what happened last night dawns on him. David turns beat red. ¡§I, I am sorry about last night. I shouldn¡¦t have ¡K It¡¦s all my fault.¡¨

¡§No, no, it¡¦s not your fault,¡¨ Charley tightens his hold on David. ¡§In fact, it¡¦s no one¡¦s fault.¡¨

David looks perplexed.

Charley smiles a little and continues, ¡§Listen, I just felt like that was the right thing to do. You have done so much for me in the past two days.¡¨

¡§And you don¡¦t want anything in return. The worst thing is there¡¦s truly nothing I can do to repay your generosity. You seem to have everything. Well, everything material, at least.¡¨ Charley says while observing David¡¦s reaction carefully.

¡§So ¡K, that kiss was your way of saying ¡¥thank you¡¦?¡¨ David doesn¡¦t know what to feel right now. Should he be grateful or insulted? Or maybe both?

¡§Yes and no.¡¨ Charley smirks at his own statement. ¡§It was not entirely altruistic. I could never understand what my brother Mark sees in men. Until two days ago. The very moment I saw you playing piano in the hotel bar. Lucky for me, and hopefully for you too, I¡¦m pragmatic about my own sexuality.¡¨

¡§You mean you are not dogmatic about your heterosexuality?¡¨ David grins for the first time of the day.

Charley is glad to see David has relaxed enough to joke now. He let go of David and lay back facing the ceiling using his two hands as extra pillowing.

¡§Well, I don¡¦t trust any type of ideology. To believe one, requires one to perceive reality.¡¨ Charley is now in a more philosophical mood. ¡§However, it is very hard to deceive oneself while the body clearly responding the other way.¡¨

¡§Pointing, you mean?¡¨ David jokes again. Charley finds himself enjoying David¡¦s lightened mood.

¡§And when I saw the hollowness in your eyes again last night, I realize that it was hurting me too.¡¨ Charley is speaking more to himself now.

¡§A kiss seems to be the only right thing to remedy your pain.¡¨ With a short pause, Charley goes on, ¡§and mine.¡¨

David is both touched and relieved. The last thing he wants to deal with is a regretful straight dude blames a same sex kiss on booze. Aside from Charley¡¦s profound open-mindedness about sexuality, the kindness that he just expressed is both sincere and oddly appropriate.

David traces Charley¡¦s prominent left bicep and strangely alluring armpit. ¡§So, now what?¡¨

¡§Now we shower and I¡¦ll cook us some breakfast!¡¨ Charley turns around and quickly pecks on David¡¦s forehead before leaving the bed.

Instead of sense of happiness he yearns to feel, David cringes inwardly. It is yet another Mike¡¦s favorite things to do. And David used to hate him for that grandmotherly gesture.

A pang of remorse overcomes David. Is he betraying Mike? Is he ¡§giving up¡¨ on him just for a certain sweet bisexual guy? Is he even capable to love again?

For the first time, David grasps the reality that how completely trapped he is. Too agonizing to live in the past, and too excruciating to move on.

He sits up and buried his head in between his legs feeling totally beat, while sobbing turns out to be the only option.

David hates that. He never used to cry so much. He never cried, period. He can¡¦t stand feeling unable to control himself. Sometime he even wants to blame it on Mike.

After all, he broke his promise, and left David behind in a total mess.

Now, he is a total mess.

¡§You ok?¡¨ A familiar smell of angelica conditioner assaults David¡¦s nostril. A still damp hand raises David¡¦s head. For a second, he thought he¡¦s staring into Mike¡¦s stormy gray. And then he obliges himself to focus. The gray becomes green.

¡§Wanna talk about it?¡¨ Charley says with a tremendous tenderness.

¡§¡K¡¨ David opens his mouth trying to squeeze out all the grave pains, all the smashed hopes and all the promises, unfulfilled.

Silence, which is all David can utter. He is wondering when the freezing water is going to force its way down his throat. It¡¦ll be easier to drown.

Instead, to his own dismay, tears pour down his cheeks, again.

Charley is trying to fathom David¡¦s vast misery. Then it hits him, he needs to ease the pain first and foremost.

He pushes David into his warm chest and tightly holds on to him. ¡§Breathe, David, breathe.¡¨

David cries out loud, finally, into Charley¡¦s reassuring hold.

Charley pats David¡¦s back lightly, ¡§It¡¦s ok. Just let it out.¡¨

After probably five minutes, David calms down.

¡§Thanks,¡¨ David murmurs without raising his head. ¡§Again.¡¨

¡§No need. Glad to be of service.¡¨ Charley says while bury his head in David¡¦s messy jet black hair.

David chuckles lightly and lifts his head. He looks into Charley searchingly.

A kiss. Another kiss, but with more passion and sobriety.

¡§You are a better kisser than my ex girlfriend.¡¨ Charley says.

¡§Don¡¦t you mind the stubble?¡¨ David asks.

¡§Don¡¦t fool yourself. With your Asian-gene, I could only feel something akin to peach fuzz.¡¨ Charley teases, ¡§Besides, my ex was southern Italian.¡¨

David smiles at Charley¡¦s joke whole-heartedly. He embraces him with a tight hug while enjoying his sculpture like body and this fresh just-out-of-show scent. The reminiscence of the showering heat and moisture serves like a bonding agent, David is gladly stuck with Charley for that ephemeral moment.

¡§I¡¦ll go make some omelets for us. Go shower.¡¨ Charley wipes off David¡¦s tears with his warm palms.

¡§Thanks.¡¨ David gets out of the bed and opens up the oversized closet door. ¡§Actually showering is one thing you don¡¦t have to tell me to do. I usually shower 3-4 times a day.¡¨

Charley halts halfway and turns around, ¡§And you gonna tell me that you are merman now? Am I in the gay version of ¡¥Splash¡¦?¡¨

¡§No, just bit of a clean freak that¡¦s all.¡¨ David grabs one of fluffy white towels and adjusts slightly to make sure the rest of them stack up neatly. ¡§Once in the morning, once after the daily run or swim, once after the gym and once before bed.¡¨

¡§And you don¡¦t really resemble the Tom Hanks in ¡¥Splash¡¦,¡¨ David stops right next to Charley on his way to the bathroom pretending to be scrutinizing Charley. He concludes, ¡§You look more like the Tom Hanks in ¡¥Forest Gump¡¦.¡¨

¡§Really.¡¨ Charley grabs David, and without much difficulty, drapes him over his shoulder while starts walking toward the bathroom. With a smack on David¡¦s butt and a half decent Southern accent, ¡§And you, you smell like Bubba. We¡¦ll get¡¦chou clean up and then I might do to you what I did to Jenny.¡¨

David giggles and screams at the same time, ¡§Let me go! You dumb brute. You just wait! Pay-back¡¦s gonna be a bitch!¡¨

¡§My momma always said, ¡¥Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.¡¦¡¨ Charley goes on with his impersonation. ¡§So what if it¡¦s gonna be a bitch? I¡¦ll just do you like a doggy!¡¨

¡§Let me go! Or you gonna get a Purple-Burple!¡¨ David threatens.

¡§You mean a Purple-Nurple?¡¨ Charley laughs out loud. ¡§Don¡¦t think it¡¦s possible with you up-side-down over my shoulder!¡¨

David grabs onto Charley¡¦s strapping behind with both of his hands and twists with all he¡¦s got. ¡§I said Burple! Smart ass!¡¨

¡§Ah¡K!!!!!¡¨

(End of Chapter Six)