Date: Tue, 2 Feb 2010 19:54:48 -0500
From: Jeffrey Fletcher <jeffyrks@gmail.com>
Subject: Peter Broad's Story chapter 1

This is a story that involves a little sex between males.  If such a story
is offensive, or illegal for you to read where you live, then do not
continue, go and surf elsewhere.

This is a work of fiction and in no way draws on the lives of any specific
person or persons.  If there is any similarity to any real persons or
events it is entirely coincidental.

The work is copyrighted (c) by the author and may not be reproduced in any
form without the specific written permission of the author.  It is assigned
to the Nifty Archives under the terms of their submission agreement but it
may not be copied or archived on any other site without the written
permission of the author.

My thanks to Brian who has read this through and made a number of
corrections and suggestions.  Any remaining errors, grammatical, spelling
historical or whatever are entirely my fault.

Thank you to those who have commented on my stories.  If you want to
comment on the story then do contact me on jeffyrks@hotmail.com. but
please, after May 5th, 2010 as I am away until then. I aim to reply to all
messages eventually.

If you wish to be added to or removed from a chapter post notification
list, please send an email with your request to jeffyrks@gmail.com


Peter Broad's Story

1

On the Wall

Peter Broad sat on the wall outside his home. His legs still did not reach
down to the pavement, in spite of being reckoned tall for his seven
years. During that summer, he often sat there for an hour in the late
afternoon, watching the comings and goings along the village street.

He watched as the aged Miss Tooley made her way slowly and painfully home
from the shops, dressed, as always, in a long thick overcoat. He noted a
couple of men from the next village cycling pastafter a day fishing. Once
when he saw another boy whom he dislikedapproaching, he slipped off the
wall, and climbed up a tree and peered through the leaves as the other lad
walked along below. He always played a game, counting the cars that went in
each direction, putting small stones on the wall each side of himself to
make sure he kept accurate count. He was puzzled why every afternoon there
were always more cars going up the street than down.

Then he saw Ben coming. He always liked it when Ben Menzies came by,
because Ben always stopped and talked. Not small boy chat, but grown up
chat, answering questions and explaining things. Ben lived a few doors down
the street. His father had his own business, and was a self made man. He
was also church warden of the parish church. Ben was the eldest of three
boys, and was now approaching eighteen. Luke, the youngest of Ben's
brothers was a close friend of Peter's brother, Andrew;and that accounted
for the close relationship between the two families.

As always Ben came and sat on the wall alongside Peter. They talked about
the events of the day, and then Peter asked Ben, "Why is it, that every
afternoon more cars go up the street than come down?"

Ben thought for a moment. "I expect it is because, at this time of day,
more people are coming home, from Stevenage, Cambridge, or Hitchin. You
ought to keep count in the early morning when people are going to work;
then I think you would find more cars going in the other direction."

The answer satisfied young Peter. Ben stood up, ruffled Peter's hair
affectionately,and carried on home.

Several days later Peter was on the wall. Miss Tooley, as usual, made her
arthritic way home; but Ben never came. He had not come along the street
the day before. Peter was very disappointed. At 5.00pm his stomach began to
feel in need of feeding, so he made his way in doors.

When he opened the kitchen door the buzz of conversation betweenhis mother,
his brother, and his seventeen year old sister stopped dead. Young though
he was, Peter could sense that he had interrupted an interesting
conversation. He looked around, saw that he would not be told; so asked if
tea was ready.

Later that evening he was sent upstairs to have a bath. After about ten
minutes his mother came up, to make sure that soap had been applied, and
that Peter dried himself properly. This was a special time for the two of
them; often the only time when they were alone, and were not busy. It was a
time when they could talk.

"Ben often talks to you when you are sitting on the wall, doesn't he?"
asked his mother.

"Yes."

"What do you talk about?"

"Oh, all sorts of things. He is good at explaining things.The other day, he
told me why more cars go up the street in the late afternoon, than go
down."

"You like Ben don't you?. . . Does he ever touch you at all?"

"He sometimes ruffles my hair, if that's what you mean."

"Never more than that?"

"No, why?"

"I was just asking. Now get out of that bath." She handed Peter the
towel. Later when he was in bed, his mother looked in to saygood
night. "Ben has had to go away from home; so I don't think you will be
seeing him for some time. His mummy and daddy are rather upset, so don't
ask them about Ben, there's a good boy.Now come on, its high time you were
asleep."

Peter was puzzled. So the next day he tried to find out something from his
brother, Andrew.

"Is Ben missing, or is he just on holiday?" he asked.

"That dirty sod has really let his family down!" was all that he got in
reply.

The disgust, hostility, and the use of the word 'sod', a prohibited word in
the Broad household, was sufficient to show Peter that he was on dangerous
ground. Again, Peter was not given a chance to ask questions. Over the next
few days when ever he tried to ask where Ben had gone, the conversation was
moved on. He had not yet acquired the persistence, or subtlety, that comes
with years in finding out some thing you suspect that others do not wish
you to know.

Life moves on for a seven year old. It was only occasionally that he
thought of Ben and wondered what had happened to him.

-0---0---0- 2.  On the bus

When Peter was eleven, he started going to a school in Hitchin, a few miles
away. It involved a journey by bus. One day, in the middle of the first
term, he was sitting in the bus on a seat by himself. There were a couple
of older school boys sitting in the seat behind. They had been talking and
giggling, and he could not help hearing snatches of their conversation.

"Oh, there's that ponce Nigel Tooley".

"I didn't know he was gay".

"Yes, he.............with Ben Menzies." This was followed by giggling
laughter.

It was laterthat evening that Peter got an opportunity to speak to his
mother. He asked her. "Mum, what does it mean if someone is gay?"

"How do you mean, dear?"

"Today, I heard that some one was gay, and I wondered what it meant."

His mother took a deep breath, and paused for a moment. "Most boys when
they are grown up fall in love with a girl. They want to kiss and cuddle a
girl. Then there is usually a special girl, and they marry and make babies
together, in the way that I have told you. There are however a very, very
few abnormal men, who don't want to kiss and cuddle with a girl, but with
other men."

"But Dad gives me kisses and cuddles me, even sometimesAndrew used to give
me a cuddle."

"That is different. That is in the family. Dad probably won't do it when
you're much older. You won't want him to. A man who's gay wants to do it
with some one outside the family, and when they are grown up. It is not
normal. In fact it is very wrong. The Bible says that it is wrong."

"Do you know any body who is gay, Mum?"

"No, dear. There're very very few men like that. Haven't you got some
homework you ought to be doing?"

Peter's mother thought she had dealt with that one rather well. She had
told the truth as she saw it, and got in some ethical instruction as
well. Peter too, was pleased with the way that he had asked the
question. He had found out something, and had not mentioned the name of Ben
Menzies. But he was still rather mystified. If Nigel Tooley and Ben Menzies
had been kissing and cuddling, what was really wrong with that?

-0---0---0- 3.  Religion

Peter's father, David, was a solicitor. He had been brought up in south
London. His whole family had been very committed to one of the Bible Belt
Churches that circle London. He had read law at Cambridge. When he
graduated an uncle offered to article him in his firm. He then moved to
Hitchin. He served his articles, and then worked as fully qualified
solicitor with his uncle. He was in his early thirties when he married
Anne. The three children had followed at two year intervals. David's uncle,
who was a bachelor, died in 1980 leaving everything to his nephew. David
and Anne Broad unexpectedly found themselves well off. The sale of two
houses enabled David and Anne Broad to buy a very comfortable large house
in Whitgest, a village some six miles from Hitchin. Peter, their last
child, had been born a year later. David Broad was a well educated man, he
delighted in the intricacies and idiocyncrasies of the law, but whenever he
entered a church or sat before an open bible his mental processes were
switched to an uncritical acceptance mode.

Anne Broad came from an even stricter background. Her parents were members
of the Christian Brethren. They had prayed through theyears that Anne would
marry a fine Christian man. God answered their prayers, but with the usual
divine sense of humour. They had failed to specify the brand, so God had
provided an Anglican, and not a member of the Brethren. There was some
initial suspicion, which was soon overcome. To their fellow members of the
Brethren they described their son in law, as `Anglican but saved'.

Mary Broad was a typical first child, with some of the insecurities of the
prototype. Andrew had posed the most problems in his childhood,never doing
well at school, frequently getting into scraps with other boys in the
village,and in his teens a perpetual anxiety to his parents because of his
girl friends. In later years Anne Broad frequently said, "Peter never
caused me a moments worry until ......."

When Peter was fourteen and a half he was confirmed. This involved a series
of weekly preparation classes. These were run by Bruce Perkins, the vicar,
and held in his study in the vicarage. The vicar was a man in his mid
thirties, who had just arrived in the parish. There were ten youngsters to
be confirmed that year.

Bruce Perkins was conservative in his theology;and Protestant in his
beliefs. In the classes he taught the basic truths of the Christian faith
in a straight forward and clear way. Jesus was born in Bethlehem, his
mother was a virgin before his birth. Jesus did all miracles attributed to
Him in the Gospels. He died on the cross to deal with his people's sins. He
rose from the dead on the first Easter Day. The tomb really was empty.

Christian practice was clearly taught. How to pray. How to read the
Bible. Worship on Sundays. The meaning and importance of the two Dominical
sacraments, Baptism and Holy Communion.

When it came to ethics, the teaching was strictly orthodox, and rather
narrow. Certain things were somewhat suspect - drinking in a pub, going to
clubs, and in some circumstance the cinema and the theatre. Gambling was
definitely prohibited. Drugs were totally forbidden, and were seen as a
terrible danger. When it came to sexual ethics the teaching was brief and
to the point. The sexual act was totally prohibited, except between a
married man and his wife.

In due course, Peter was confirmed in the parish church by the bishop. The
bishop wore convocation robes at the request of the vicar, who regarded
copes and mitresas forbidden Popish garments. Peter had found the whole
process of the classes helpful and instructive. He was like his father, he
believed what he was taught. He tried to fulfill the Christian observances,
and to conform to the ethical standards.

When he was slightly older he joined a village youth club organised and run
by a married couple,James and Carol Spencer.Though it was a secular youth
club, and not a church one, James and Carol were committed Church
people. They used to hold occasional discussion groups in their house, to
which some of the Youth Club used to go. Here the discussions were freer,
less authoritarian.Bruce, the vicar, also held occasional follow up
meetings for youngsters who had been confirmed. Through those meetings and
his continuing involvement with the church on Sundays, the details of
Peter's beliefs and knowledge of what was right and what was wrong was
extended and strengthened. Later he came to learn that masturbation, though
not explicitly prohibited in the Bible, was still very dangerous,because
imagination and fantasy were involved. He knew the teaching in the Sermon
on the Mount about the danger of looking at a woman and lusting after
her. As for sex between two men, that was emphatically condemned by seven
references to it in the Old and New Testaments.

As Peter went through his teens, he continued to accept what he had been
taught, butPeter's religion was more than just believing certain facts, and
obeying certain instructions. His heart, as well as his mind and will, was
involved.He knew what it was to experience the presence of God. There were
times when he had known prayers to be answered. Twice there had been
occasions when his heart was strangely warmed,and he sensed the comforting
presence of Jesus Christ. Peter believed that he was loved by God, and he
loved his Lord in return. He assented positively to the formula of knowing
Jesus as Saviour and Friend.

He was in a good relationship with the vicar, Bruce Perkins. As one of
Bruce's first confirmees, and one who asked some intelligent questions,he
held a special position withBruce. They could talk together quite freely as
a teenager with his vicar. Bruce encouraged him to call in at the vicarage
from time to time. He was always prepared to give Peter time. Peter was
open with him, and shared his spiritual experiences as well as his
problems. Bruce regarded his as a very promising youngster, and as a
possible future clergyman.

-0---0---0- 4.  Janet and some dreams.

Peter enjoyed his school days. One thing he soon learnt was that being gay
usually involved considerably more than kissing and cuddling, but that was
not a part of his formal education. He did well at his lessons.He was not a
football enthusiast, and was pleased when higher up the school he was able
to concentrate on cross country running during the winter months. His great
sporting enthusiasm was for cricket. His father had been a committed club
cricketer, but by the time Peter was old enough to take an interest David
Broad's playing days were over. He did however linger when walking past the
ground when the village team was playing, and he took the opportunity to
explain the intricacies of the game to his sons, almost before they could
understand. Also there were knock arounds with a ball and bat on the large
lawn at the back of the house. When they were old enough he would take
Peter and Andrew to watch a day's play at the Lords or Oval tests. So
during the summer at school Peter played as much cricket as possible, and
was in the various school teams.

The bus that took the older children to school started off from Bunting,
and then picked up further passengers in Peter's village, before making its
way to Hitchin. Janet lived in Bunting, and was in the same year as
Peter. In the early years at school there was only a nodding acquaintance
between them; but mutual rivalry at the top of the class, plus the shared
journey twice a day, brought them closer together over the years.

As the amount of homework grew, they started doing it together on the
bus. Their rivalry did not exclude help and assistance over routine
work. Their friendly rivalry was only expressed over marks, tests, but
particularly in exams. As the exam marks in each subject came out, each
would calculate who was winning in the 'top of the class' stakes. There
were no other serious contenders.

When it came to the first round of public exams,rivalries were set
aside. After Peter had shared his results with his mother, and phoned them
to his father at work, he rang Janet. Their results were very
comparable,and they rejoiced in each other's success.

When it came to working for A levels there was only one subject they shared
- economics. There was a great deal of mutual support and
encouragement. Peter was especially helpful when it was soon clear that one
of Janet's subjects was not well chosen. A change needed to be made, with
all the catching up that entailed over the Christmas holiday, and into the
winter term. They both showed an intelligent interest in each other's
subjects. They talked at length about everything under the sun, and
beyond;astronomy was one of Peter's side interests.

The relationship, which had been purely to do with school, began to bea
social one as well. They went to parties together. They star gazed
together, through an inexpensive telescope Peter had been given for his O
level results. They were good friends, they were close friends. Their
school contemporaries saw them as a couple.

In the 6th Form there were many couples. Some changed frequently;some like
Peter and Janet's seemed a permanent part of the scene. There was, however,
a difference between their relationship and most of the others in the 6th
Form. Some of the boys talked of how far they could go, or had
gone. Allowing for exaggeration and male boasting, some had gone through
all the stages from undoing bra straps, fondling boobs, to the jackpot of
going the whole way. Others remained silent. Peter was silent. Silent, not
just out of loyalty to Janet. Silent, because there was nothing to tell. He
did not want to go down that path. Janet was a friend who was a girl, and
nothing more. He reasoned that he did not want to go down that path because
of his church background, and his family's ideals and teaching. But that
reason did not fully satisfy because part of him also argued that he should
be wanting to, even if he did not do it.

There was a deeper source of unease in Peter. Twice or three times a year
since he was fourteen he had had vivid sexual dreams;he had awakened with
an iron hard erection, always just before themoment of consummation and
release. The trouble was that the other person in these dreams was never
female, always male. Always it was someone he knew,but not necessarily
someone he liked. Once it had involved someone he greatly disliked. He felt
frustrated at the lack of consummation,though with his background it
somehow slightly eased his sense of shame and guilt. His hand relieved his
hardened cock, but his fantasy was with the person in the dream. It all
served, over the years, to feed a growing feeling of guilt and
shame. "Anyone looking... lusting after... commits adultery" must apply
when it is a man, as much as when it is for a woman. Each dream tended to
haunt him for a week or ten days afterwards. Most of these dreams he could
remember in some detail when he thought about them. They made him feel that
there was something wrong with himself. He felt vile, dirty and guilty.

He was far too ashamed to talk it over with anyone. He could not speak to
any school friend, certainly not to Janet, who was his closest friend. No
way could he talk about itto either of his parents. He even felt it was not
the sort of thing he could talk over with Bruce Perkins, the vicar. The
very thought of that made him cringe. It was just something he had to bear
himself. He had to work out his own salvation, whatever that might be.

-0---0---0- 5.  The Last of the School Holidays

The final school holidays arrived. Janet and Peter continued to see each
other. They listened to music. They argued. They went swimming. They
cycled. They went to the cinema.

One evening Peter had expected to run Janet home in his father's car, but
the car was not available. He walked the two and a half miles with
Janet. At an early part of the walk, he took hold of her hand. They turned
to each other and grinned. She walked a little closer.

After that they usually walked hand in hand. It was reported back to
Peter's mother. She was glad, and heard distant wedding bells and the
patter of tiny feet.

But it went no further. Janet hoped. Her hopes were raised no further.

So it came to the last evening of the holidays. The next day Janet was off
to Bristol to read history and two days later Peter was set for Nottingham,
to read economics. Janet had cycled over to Whitgest, and Peter on his
bicycle was going to see her home.

It was a warm moonlit evening. The harvest moon filled the countryside with
silver light. At the top of the hill they stopped. Both were moved by the
sheer beauty of the scene.

Janet broke the silence. "Pete, are you looking forward to University?"

"Yea, very much."

"What do you hope to get out of it?"

"A good degree," came the quick answer, followed by a short silence. "I
hope to have a good time. Make friends. Have some new experiences. Do some
different things.What about you?"

"Much the same. I suppose, like many girls, I wonder if I will meet the man
of my life, the man I will eventually marry." She now paused, but before
Peter could put in a flippant comment or start a discussion, she added,
"What do you feel about that?"

"All right! I suppose you may. Many do."

"You won't be upset if I write, and tell you I have met the man of my
dreams."

"No, I don't think so. As long as he is not jealous and we can still be
friends."

"That's what it is, isn't it? We're friends. Good friends. But just
friends."

"Yea. Why?"

"You don't think of me as anything more, do you? We get on well together -
very well. We like each other, like each other very much. But I don't think
you love me".

Peter then made a typical male response. "I love you in the Biblical,
agape, sense; ...but any other way, I am not sure."

"Pete, do you mind,I want to say something that may shock or hurt you?"

"No. Go ahead", he said, with a laugh.

"Peter, I sometimes feel that you may be gay!"

"What!" he responded loudly. "How can you say that! What evidence have you
for such a preposterous and horrible idea?"

"I have no definite evidence, just put it down to feminine intuition."

"You and your feminine intuition. You should not say such things, it's a
libel".

"Come off it! You, as a solicitor's son, should know it is not a libel
because it is not written down;and its not a slander, because no third
person heard what I said. I do have some evidence for my suspicions. You
hold my hand yes,but there is no affection in it. You don't want to hold
me. Hug me. You don't even seem to want to kiss me."

"Yes, but.."

"And don't give me some pious Christian response about what is right and
what is wrong, and being careful. You don't want to. Full stop. Surely most
normal boys want to, even if they think that they have got to be careful."

"Yes, but to say that I'm gay!"

"I said that you might be. I didn't say that you were."

"I think the whole idea is revolting. I am shocked that you could think
that about me. When we have seen a lot of each other these last three
months."

"We'll see."

"Yes, we'll see; and I know the answer now."

"Peter, I am sorry what I've said has hurt you. But think about what I've
said. Thank you for everything. Whoever, or whatever you are, you have
been, and I hope will always be a good friend. Don't bother to see me any
further home. It's down hill all the way now. Have a good term." With that,
Janet pushed away on her bicycle and sped down the hill, her red rear light
disappearing round a bend in the road.

Peter stood there. He was shocked and hurt. He was surprised at his
reaction. He could not just dismiss Janet's words. The image from one of
his dreams floated across his mind. What did they signify?

-0---0---0- 6.  Starting at University

Such worries were largely put on one side during the next few days as he
prepared and packed for university. At the end of August his father had
taken him into his study,where he often worked when he wanted to be
uninterrupted.

"I want to talk to you about one or two things, before you go up to
Nottingham.Now, for one thing I don't want you getting into debt. I don't
want you finishing University with a ten or twenty thousand pound debt
hanging round your neck.I propose to give you a sum each term, which should
be more than enough to keep you solvent. If you want some more, you must
ask me;but I warn you I may then ask for some account of your expenditure,
and why you need the extra. I hope you will try to find a job during the
long vac."

"Thanks Dad. Only yesterday I was reading up about student loans and all
the rules and regulations about repayment and so on. That's quite a weight
off my mind."

"There is something else," added his father. "You did well in your last lot
of exams, and your Mum and I would like to give you something for that. I
wonder if you would like to buy yourself a new computer. The one you have
got is old and limited in what it can do. Get one that will give you access
to the internet. We trust you not to look up the nasty sites, and it may be
useful for your work. If you have internet access, then you can Email us,
and we can then contact you, so we might even hear from you. I know you
would never write us a letter if you could help it."

Peter's face broke into a broad grin of pleasure. He managed to mutter,
"Thanks Dad,I really appreciate that".

"Go into Hitchin or where ever you think best, and find out what sort you
want, and and how much it will be. Then come back and we will talk
further. Remember you will be taking it to University, which implies some
risks;so I don't recommend you go for a very expensive one."

A new computer was bought. Various goodbyes were made. Peter had a talk
with Bruce Perkins,who warned him of the perils of University life, both
moral and intellectual. He also told him that he had passed on his name to
the Christian Union. Eventually Peter found himself at Nottingham
University.

Then there was the excitement of a new situation, new friends, the claims
of the various societies. He joined the Christian Union. As his name had
been sent up by Bruce, he was expected. He joined the hockey club, the
debating society and the jazz club. University life seemed good,and things
like exams seemed an eternity away in the distant future.

The Economics Department consisted of slightly more men than women. In
those early weeks Peter made an effort to mix with those in his year. He
was especially friendly towards the girls. He got on well with them. He
talked and laughed easily with them. They felt easy and relaxed with
him. But there was no one girl with whom he wanted to be especially
friendly. In those first few weeks there tended to be a rather nebulous
group that did things together. Some one would say that there was a good
film on in town,so a number of them would agree to meet at 'Oscar', the
right hand lion outside the Council House in the so called `Slab Square'.

It was late November when he received a letter from Janet. It was full of
Bristol news,and included the information that she was seeing a lot of a
history student called Mike.

He replied, slightly guiltily, because she had written first. He wrote at
the end of his newsy letter,"I'm glad you have met Mike and are enjoying
his company. I have thought a lot" [which was not true] "about what you
said on our final evening together, I think you are absolutely wrong."

Two things were to happen over the next two weeks that was to change all
that.

-0---0--0- 7.  Ben Menzies!

The first thing happened the next day. Peter was hurrying to a lecture,
when rounding a corner, he crashed into someone travelling at equal speed
in the opposite direction.The other person was carrying an armful of books
and papers. These were scattered everywhere. Peterautomatically bent down
to help pick them up. He was full of apologies, especially as he realised
that the other person must be a lecturer.

When everything was collected, Peter stood up to hand over the books and
papers he had picked up to their owner. When he looked at the other person
in the face, his mouth opened in surprise. "Ben! Ben Menzies!"

"Yes. Should I know you? I thought I knew all my first year students by
now."

"I'm not one of your first year students. I am Peter Broad from Whitgest."

"Peter Broad. Yes, I remember. Didn't you used to sit on the wall outside
your home counting cars? You've changed. But that must be all of twelve
years ago." He looked at his watch. "I've got a lecture to give in two
minutes." He tried to put a hand in his pocket, but his arms were too full.

"Here, hold these a moment." Hands free, Ben extracted a card from a pocket
and handed it over to Peter. "That has my address and telephone number on
it. Ring me up, and we'll fix to meet.  A pub lunch or something." He took
back the books Peter was holding. As he moved away he turned round. "I'm in
all this evening."

For a moment Peter stood and stared after him. Surprise was still on his
face. In some ways Ben had changed a great deal, in other ways hardly at
all. Then he realised what it was. When he was a small boy he had always
looked up to Ben, as a big eighteen year old. Now he looked down on
Ben. Ben was still 5ft 6in;Peter was just over 6ft. During the following
rather dull lecture on the history of banking, his mind went back to that
summer long ago. Ben's sudden disappearance. His mother's words. His
brother's hostile reaction, when he tried to find out something more. The
linking of Ben with Nigel Tooley as gay. Perhaps now he would find out the
truth.

Later that day he looked in the University handbook, and found the name of
Dr Benjamin Menzies, M.A., D.Litt., D.Phil. Lecturer in the English
Department. As he knew someone reading English he asked about Dr
Menzies. "Oh, yes.  He lectures us twice a week. He is making a name for
himself as an authority on Chaucer.  His D.Phil. thesis was on the
grammatical influences in the writings of Chaucer. It is all very
technical. He has published a more readable book on Chaucer and has another
coming out soon. He lectures on Middle English Grammar and on Chaucer
himself. He is very bright, and a good lecturer. Often quite humorous, even
on the grammar. Do you know him then?"

That evening Peter phoned Ben. "I've had a better idea than a pub lunch,"
said Ben. "Why don't you come round here for an evening meal,and you can
then fill me in on twelve years of Whitgest news and gossip."

The diary game was played. They fixed for a week later.

"That'll be good," said Ben, "My partner will be working until late that
evening."

-0---0---0-

8.  Meal with Ben.

Peter duly presented himself, armed with a bottle of wine, at a small
terrace house in Beeston. Ben let him in. The front room was furnished with
a sofa and a couple of easy chairs.

Ben made Peter stand in the middle of the room. "Let's have a proper look
at you. Your hair's a lot darker, which is to be expected. You were very
blond. Your eyes are the same. It is strange, if somebody had asked me
before we met, what does Peter Broad look like? I'd have said he was about
so high. We never allow for people we don't see for a long time to get any
older."

Drinks were offered and accepted. Talk was mainly about University
matters. Ben disappeared to do the final touches to the meal. Peter browsed
round the room. Soon they were eating at atable in the middle room.

Ben broached the subject. "I suppose you know why I left Whitgest so
suddenly twelve years ago?"

"I think so. I had to piece together items of gossip over the years, but
I'm still not sure whether Iam making four or five out of two plus two."

Ben laughed. "I'll tell you what happened and we'll see whether the gossip
was true or not. I'm gay.  I have known it since I was quite young, though
we didn't use the word in those days. In my early teens, I started seeing a
lot of Nigel Tooley. Do you know him?"

"Not to talk to."

"Is he still in the village?"

"Yes. Still living in the same house up the hill."

"I hope my story doesn't shock you. Over the years the relationship with
Nigel progressed sexually. We used to see each other twice, sometimes three
times a week. On that fatal Tuesday afternoon,the third of August, my place
was clear. Mum had a church meeting until after 4.30, the brothers were
away,and Dad was always at work until 6.00 at the earliest. At least he
usually was,but that day he called in at home at 3.00 and caught us at
it. In flagrante delecto. Does that shock you? Do you want me to stop?"

"No, no. Carry on."

"My Dad has a temper, as you possibly may know. He was very strict with us
boys. He strictly follows Bible teaching. I had seen him angry many times
before,but this time it was different. It was a cold calculating anger. As
he stood in the doorway, from where he had seen us, he just said, 'Nigel,
you will leave this house immediately. Benjamin, I want to see you
downstairs, respectably dressed in ten minutes'. With that he left the
room. Poor old Nigel was pulling on his pants and trousers while Dad was
speaking,and more or less followed Dad down stairs. I knew I was for
it.When I came to the dining room, Dad was seated at the table with a few
papers in front of him. 'I have given some thought over what has
happened. What you have done is despicable. You have disobeyed God's
Word. You have dishonoured your mother, and disgraced your family. I would
not have believed that my eldest son was a pansy who allowed himself to be
buggered by the likes of Nigel Tooley. But since I have seen that you
are,that is the end so far as I am concerned. I want you out of this house
within twenty-four hours. You're not to speak to your brothers. I don't
want them to run any further risk of contamination. You're to stay in your
own room. Whether you go up to University or not is up to you. You will
have to live on your grant. You will get no help from me. I will give you
some money, so you don't immediately starve. But that is the last you will
ever get from me."

"And that was that," continued Ben. "Mum came home, and wept a lot, and
fixed me up to stay with an old school friend of hers in Walthamstow. She
also slipped me some money, probably the week's housekeeping. I went and
stayed with this friend of Mum'sfor a fortnight. She knew I was in the
doghouse, but not what for. I found a job, and then found a room,and moved
out to be on my own. Does all that shock you? Is that what you had heard?"

Peter told Ben how he had pieced together a lot of the story over the
years;and then asked, "And, of course, you did go to University?"

"Yes, I went up to Cambridge, Queens' College, and got a double first. I
worked hard, I think almost to spite my father. I was then offered a place
at Oxford to do a D.Phil. under one of the finest Mediaeval English
scholars. In my last year at Oxford I met Clive, my partner. We met in a
pub. We saw a lot of each other, but then I got a two year scholarship in
the States. We both thought that would be the end of our relationship. We
corresponded freely and frankly, and to the surprise of us both,
frequently.  We found we missed each other. When I was due to come back
from the States, I needed somewhere to stay for the two and a half months
before coming up to start this job in Nottingham. Clive suggested I stay
with him. I knew the size of his place in Oxford and thought that his
suggestion was a recipe for disaster. I thought it might suit, at the most,
for a few days while I looked for somewhere for myself. So I accepted, but
I stayed. We had two and a half months of climbing over my clobber whenever
we wanted to go to the loo, or go to bed, or eat at the table. One night
towards the end of my stay, we were in bed together.Clive turned to me and
said,'I never thought this would really work, us living together in this
tiny place.But these last two months have been great. I think the best time
of my life. I would like to make it permanent. Let's buy a house in
Nottingham and live together.' The rest is history as they say. We are good
for each other. He barely knows the difference between Enid Blyton and
T.S.Elliott, so I cannot talk shop. He is a psychiatric nurse, so there is
a limit to how much I can understand and help him with his work
problems. We both like music - all sorts. He likes football, and I like the
theatre. So we have an arrangement; if I take him to the theatre, I have to
go to football, and vice versa. Ihave become quite a knowledgeable fan of
Forest, and he is even beginning to enjoy the theatre."

"Does all this shock you? I suppose you still go to Church. Unless it has
very much changed, I guess St Sebastian's, Whitgest, would be totally
opposed to my present lifestyle."

"I am fairly certain it would be," said Peter, with a slight laugh.

"And you? What do you think?"

"I don't know. You are the first gay man to tell me his story. Part of me
wants to say that it is wrong, very wrong. What youdid with Nigel Tooley
was wrong, and presumably, you do it with Clive. But some how, when I sit
here face to face with you... knowing you... hearing what you've been
through. And remembering your kindness in talking to a very small boy, and
showing an interest all those years ago. You and Clive. I find it much
harder to sit in judgement on you,knowing you."

"That's fair enough. Perhaps some other time we can talk more fully about
it all. You should hear Clive's story, he's still got a little
religion. But now, tell me about Whitgest. I have twelve years to catch up
on."

"Don't you know about anything since you left? Haven't you even been in
contact with your people?"

"Hardly. I wrote to Mum during my first term at Cambridge. She showed the
letter to Dad, and he just tore it up without reading it. Said something
about`I have no son called Ben'."

"I can't believe such things happen in the second half of the twentieth
century."

"They can, and do, especially when there's a religious bigot like my father
involved. I send Mum a Christmas card each year, with a letter containing
my news. I know that just before Christmas the post arrives well after Dad
has gone to work. She replies briefly. She's afraid of Dad. Believes she
must obey him, and writing to me is going against him. The trouble is that
she has never really stood up to him. He's a bigoted tyrant at home, and at
work. Do you see anything of them?"

"I only see your father in church on a Sunday. I see your Mum from time to
time in the village. She has aged a lot. She is completely grey. My Mum has
commented on how sad she looks."

"Would you do something for me? If you see her alone, just say that you've
met me.And give her my love.Tell me about my brothers. I find it difficult
to believe that Matthew must be twenty eight, and Luke must be about twenty
four. What are they up to?"

"Matthew, I think lives some where in the Midlands. I am not sure what he
does for a living. He got married a few years ago, to a girl from
Hitchin. I think they have one or two children."

"Cor! So I'm an uncle! Well, well. It makes me feel very old.  And Luke?"

"Luke works in Hitchin. In a bank I believe. He still lives at home. He
seems to have a sequence of girl friends, each lasts for a few
months. Strangely enough I very rarely speak to him. Matthew, when he is
around, says hello. He asked about which University I was going to, just
before the start of term. He is the tall one of you three. He is just over
six foot, and very much takes after your Dad in appearance. Though he is
much taller, of course."

The conversation now became a review of the village affairs as seen
according to the interests of the two men.

Just after 10:00pm there was the sound of the front door opening.

"That will be Clive," said Ben.

A few moments later the door opened, and the largest and darkest West
Indian Peter had ever seen stood in the door way. Ben and Clive greeted
each other, with Clive picking Ben up and giving him a kiss and a
hug. Introductions were made.

"So you knew my man, Ben, when he was a teenager," said Clive, with a deep
bass voice. "What was he like then?"