Chapter Five


I woke up and looked around the room trying to figure out where the music was coming from that I was hearing. It finally dawned on me that it was my cell phone ringing. I picked it up off the table next to my bed and looked at the caller ID to see who it was. My mom's name appeared on the screen.

I hit silence and lied back down. I looked over at Jamie and saw that he was still sleeping, with the same smile on his face.

Not long after my phone had rung, my message alert tone went off notifying me that I had a new voicemail. I picked my phone back up and called my voicemail.

"Hey Preston, its mom and its after eight and I was calling to see where you were. Church will be starting soon and just because you are at college doesn't mean you can skip church whenever you want. You still have your obligations with the Lord and with this family as well. I am going to call your sister next and see where she is at. I don't know what has gotten into you kids, but we are all going to have to sit down and have a nice long talk. I want you to call me as soon as you get this message."

I pressed seven on my keypad to delete the message. I hit send and put the phone back on my bedside table.

As soon as I got comfortable again and was almost back asleep my phone rang again. I picked it up, looked at it and saw that it was Kelsey. I pressed silence, and continued to look at the screen. I counted down in my head exactly fifty-two seconds and it said I had one new text.

I opened up the text and read it.

Where r u? your mom called you said u didn't answer I hadn't heard from you in several days and your mom said she hasn't either. Call me.

I pressed the side key on my phone and put it on silence. Why didn't I just do that last night when I went to bed?

"You sure are popular this morning." Jamie said as he rolled over and looked at me.

"Nah, just my friend Kelsey and my mom wondering why I wasn't at church."

"Ah ok." He smiled at me. "You look even cuter when you first wake up in the morning."

"No I don't. I have really bad morning breath ya know. I am surprised you aren't dead just from breathing the same air as me it's so bad."

Jamie smiled at me. He leaned over and quickly kissed me on the lips.

"Nope no bad breath."


"So did you have fun with me last night?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No, it was the most boring night I have had in a long time. I could think of a million things I would have rather done."

Jamie's smile turned to a frown and he looked like he was about to cry.

"I'm kidding. It was a blast. I honestly don't remember the last time I had so much fun."


"Yeah. I just feel so at ease with you."

"What do you say if maybe we did something tonight?" Jamie asked me.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Just hang out relax maybe go eat. Not a whole lot since tomorrow is our first day of classes."

"Yeah. Maybe we could hang out at your room or mine." I suggested.

He nodded his head in agreement.

I looked him in his eyes and smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

"Um yeah."

I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. It felt amazing. My entire body was tingling just from one little kiss.

"What do you think?" I asked him.

"About what?"

"Everything." I replied,

"I think you are amazingly awesome. I am psyched that you are rooming with Greg this year."

I rolled over on my left side so I was looking directly at Jamie.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"You can ask me anything you want. How else are you going to get to know me if you don't ask questions?"

"How did you know you were gay? What made you completely sure?"

"I got beat up my freshman year of high school. I was in the locker room and I didn't even realize I was doing it, but this guy Derrick Peterson was showering next to me and I looked at him a little too long. He spread it around the whole school that I gave him a blowjob in the shower and tried to screw him. Well you know how high school gossip was and luckily right around that time my dad got transferred to LA so we moved. I would look up on the internet about being gay wasn't a lot of help. After never having a girlfriend and just this feeling I got around a hot guy I just knew. I had planned to play it safe until I got out of my parents house, but they went through my computer history and found this site that I had been going to where I could read other kids coming out stories. They confronted me with it and I denied it. I thought I was safe but my mom snooped through my room and found my journal which I had written about this guy that I thought was hot. That was the end of it. They talked to the preacher at church and he advised them that I was an abomination and to throw me out. They did and Greg's parents found out and told me that I was going to come and live with them. They never liked my parents and so they were happy for me to come live with them."

I grabbed him and hugged him tightly.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

"Greg is awesome you know. He was popular in school. Played football and all the jock stuff and yet he chose to be friends with me. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I would be."

"I love you too Jamie." Greg mumbled from across the room.

"How long have you been awake?" Jamie asked him.

"Long enough." He replied. "Don't ever doubt me either. You are my brother."

I looked at Jamie and saw that his eyes were starting to water. I grabbed him and hugged him tightly.

It was making me sad seeing him like that and knowing what he went through with his parents.

"Well you have us now." I told him.

"Thank you." He looked over at Greg and smiled. "I don't even want to know what the two of you did last night while we were sleeping."

"So what are you two?" Greg asked. "Are you boyfriends, friends or what?"

"Friends." Jamie replied.

"Good friends." I said. "I don't know what is going to come out of it. I don't even know if I am you know gay. There is one thing that I do know and that is that it feels like I have known Jamie forever and just feel so at ease around him."

Greg pulled the covers off him and raised up out of bed. He looked over at Jenna then slowly slid out of bed.

He was wearing only a pair of tight white boxers. His boxers were so tight that it looked as if someone had taken a paintbrush and painted them on. I could see his morning hard on sticking straight up.

He walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

"I have a little test for you. See how you react ya know."

He grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. I jerked it away.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"It's a test. That's the first part of it." He grabbed the elastic band on his underwear and slowly pulled them down so that the head of his penis was sticking out. "This is part two of the test."

"Dude put that thing away." Jamie told him. "No one wants to see that."

Greg pulled his underwear back up and looked at me. He slid his hand under the blanket and grabbed my crotch.

"Point proven." He took his hand away and walked back over to his bed. "You are rock hard down there."

"I just woke up." I told him.

He climbed back into his bed and covered up. "Yeah right, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are and no one can change it."

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of the phone in the dorm room ringing. Greg looked at me like I should answer it because it was closer to me.

"Answer that. It's probably my mom and I don't want to talk to her. She has already called me once this morning." I told him.

"You owe me man."

He got out of bed and walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello." He paused and let the called talk. "He's not here right now can I take a message?" He put his hand over the phone receiver and looked at me. "It's your sister."

"Give it here!" I shouted.

He tossed the phone to me. I watched him as he walked back over to his bed. He had a very nice muscular chest and his legs and butt cheeks flexed with every step he took. As much as I hated to admit it I was getting hard.

"Hey sis." I said.

"Did you not go to church today? Mom had been blowing my phone up. She says what has this world come to neither one of her kids in church."

"No. I overslept, had a date last night."

"How did it go?" She asked.

I could feel myself grinning from ear to ear. "Oh my gosh it was amazing! We went to eat in Inglewood then we went go-kart riding then we came back to my room and watched movies until we fell asleep. I am still kinda confused."

Jamie looked at me with the biggest smile on his face.

"Preston, have you ever had a girlfriend?"


"Why not?" She asked.

"I don't know. Never wanted one, they take up too much time."

"So how many girls have asked you out before?"

"Lots, I lost count."

"How many did you turn down?"

"Um all of them."

"How many guys have asked you out?"


"Did you turn him down?"

"No." I replied.

"I think I might have just helped you out little bro. Tell you what I am going to IHOP for breakfast here in about forty minutes. Why don't you come and bring Jamie with you."

I looked at Jamie. "My sister wants us to meet her at IHOP in forty minutes. You up for it?"

He looked at me, smiled his million dollar smile and nodded his head.

"We'll be there. You wana meet at the one on Wilshire?"

"Yeah that's be cool. You can bring your room mate if you want."

"Ok see ya in a little bit." I pressed the talk off button and tossed the cordless at Greg.

It hit his head, bounced onto the floor and broke.

He rubbed his head where the phone had hit him. "That hurt."

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I was just tossing it back to you."

I got out of my bed and walked over to him and looked at his forehead. It was already starting to bruise.

"It's going to leave a bruise. You are going to have to put something cold on it to reduce the swelling."

He looked at me and laughed. "Ok Dr. Roberts. I'll be sure to do that."

I pulled my Corolla into the parking spot next to my sister's Camry. We got out and went outside and found my sister sitting with Tamara at a table. We walked over to the table and Jamie sat in the chair next to the window and I sat on the outside seat.

I looked at Jamie then at my sister and Tamara. "Jamie this is my sister Madison and her friend Jamie. Madison, Tamara this is my Jamie."

Why did I just say that? I called him my Jamie like he was mine. I felt embarrassed.

All Jamie did was look at me and give me his million dollar smile and all the embarrassment went away.

"So Jamie where are you from?" Madison asked.

"Right here in LA." He replied. "I lived over in Crestwood Division with my best friend and his parents."

"So where are you parents?" She asked.

"It's a long story probably better for another time." I replied for him not wanting to see him break down like he did earlier when he was telling me about his parents.

"It's ok." Jamie told me. "I haven't seen my parent's in around two years. They threw me out of the house."

"Because you were gay?" She asked.


"I don't see how parent's can do that to their kids." She chuckled. "I just realized something I'm the only straight person at this table."

"What about me?" I asked.

"What about you?" She looked at me inquisitively. "I hate to burst your bubble you are about as straight as Richard Simmons."

I ignored her comment. It had struck a nerve and I was too scared to admit it.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

That is one thing that my sister and I had that most brothers and sisters didn't have. We were and still are to this very day extremely close. She has always been a protective big sister and looked out for me. We could sense when the other one was upset or not feeling well. It was kind of like the bond between twins. The only difference was that she was two years older than me.

"It's fine."

I looked over at Jamie and then back at my sister. I got up from the table and raced to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and immediately started to cry.

The door to the bathroom came open; I turned around and saw that it was Jamie. He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" He asked with the look of upmost concern on his face.

"I just this is so hard for me." I looked at him. "I like you I really really really like you. Now that I know you I can't imagine my life without you in it. I can't find out who I am. I can't be who I am because of the way I was raised."

I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing loudly.

Jamie grabbed me and spun me around so that I was facing him. He pulled my hands off my face.

"Don't cry. You'll get through this. I'll help you. We can go through this together. I won't let you down." He wiped some of the tears off my cheek.

I looked at him and smiled. I kissed him on the lips.

"I really really like you. I just don't know how to deal with it."

"Take your time babe."

Jamie wiped my tears away and helped me recompose myself and we joined my sister and Tamara. After we had our breakfast Jamie went home to get ready for our hangout date that night and I went home to do some journaling.


August 22, 2010


Ok so can I even make 2 entries in the same day? I guess we can say the other one was from last night. Anyhow my sister and Jamie just met. She seemed to really like him. She even went as far to text me just now and tell me that I had gotten myself a little cutie and to hold onto him. I like Jamie a lot. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Especially a girl which might make me gay. When Jamie is with me I feel so safe. When he is not with me he is all I can think about. I can be myself around him tell him things that I can't tell anyone else. I love kissing him on his soft lips. As of last night I love the way he holds me tightly when we watch a movie together. He is kind to everyone even after finding out what his life was like and why he had to move in with Greg. He comforted me when I was crying my eyes out in the bathroom at IHOP because I was scared. I guess this is the first time that I have written this. I think I am gay. It goes against everything that was instilled in me growing up. Maybe it's who I am. I can't exactly change who I am can I? My dad used to talk about this camp that was supposed to convert gays to God fearing men. Stuff like that was what I was raised around. It makes me think that maybe my dad is wrong. He preaches to love thy neighbor but then he goes and belittles someone just because of their sexual preference. Why is it even called a sexual preference. We are born that way. I like Jamie lots and never want to be without him. Ok now I am done rambling for now.




I looked at the pages left in my journal. It was almost filled up four years of my life. Guess my life isn't very interesting if I could fit four years of it into one yellow book. I made a note in my mind that I needed to get a new journal before it was empty.

I had gotten into the habit here lately of turning back to an old entry and reading it after I had written a new one. And now isn't the time to break a habit now is it.

December 23, 2006


So it's been almost two weeks since I wrote in here. Not much has happened in that time. We had our Christmas party in the youth group at church it was pretty well organized to have almost three hundred teenagers there. We played secret Santa. I got my friend Kelsey's name and got her American Idol video game because she was obsessed with it. I was so excited when I found out who got my name. The one and only Michael Richards. He got me a red jacket with matching beanie to go with it. It was the best gift. Later I caught up with him before we left and I thanked him for such a great gift. He said no problem and that he would see me around. What is it about that Michael Richards that makes me feel like I am floating on clouds?


With love,

Preston Roberts


As always email me with any comments you have about my story. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you