Date: Sat, 01 Mar 2003 00:46:22 -0500 From: Dave H. Subject: Problems with Romance Chapter 1 revised (section-college) Note: This is a revised version of Chapter 1 for the sole reason that I forgot to mention one word that does affect how people get a first impression of this story. Author's Note: Ok. So this is my first try at writing a story. Hopefully some of you out there will read this and hopefully like it some bit. This story is NOT, repeat NOT, a "stroke piece" as some people like to call it. It's just about a college guy trying to find the right guy in his life as well as discovering himself at the same time. So if that disinterests you, you should stop reading. Otherwise, read on. The story may be a little slow, but it will eventually pick up around the following parts to come. If you have any comments, e-mail me at Streyn@hotmail.com If updating this story shows up on the site as out of order, don't think that this a new story or anything. i just had to change a word. This story is completely fictional. So any similarities you may see are purely coincidental. In other words, don't bite my ass off if it just so happens that you're life just happens to be exactly like the one in this story. This story is submitted to the Archieves under required guidelines. I maintain all creative licenses and all copyrights. So don't use this without my persmission! Also, if you are under age or it is illegal for you to be reading this, then go away now. Don't want you reading something you shouldn't now. Also, if these kind of stories are not to your liking, you should leave as well ------- CHAPTER 1 I am a hopeless romantic. I'm not one for one-night stands or short flings. I like romance. I like long relationships. That's me. In my head, I have this outrageous idea that my love life will suddenly turn around. I imagine something like in the movies. Or in the books. A typical love story and the two people spend the rest of their lives together. Cheesy, I know, but that's me. I guess that's the way my parents raised me to be. I am your typical sensitive guy. The guy who girls "would go out with if they weren't such good friends with you" (really, I have had this said to me more than you can count). The guy who can actually cook, the guy who actually puts the seat down. I guess I owe much of this due to the fact that I have two older sisters. No male siblings. So of course, I grow up sort of liking some of the same things they do. Don't get me wrong; I'm not the stereotype of a limpwristed gay guy. I love sports, football especially. I don't talk with a lisp or anything like the stereotype you might be thinking. I'm just a typical brown haired, brown eyed, 5'9" guy right out of high school. My name is Dave. I'm an 18 year old moving into a college in Boston. I'm from the suburbs of Washington D.C. I finally left my high school of four years. Let's take a stroll in memory lane. My high school years weren't the best. I attended an all-boys private Catholic school. Yah. I know. I'm surrounded by testosterone 24/7. All my friends are straight as an arrow and always sex crazed. I guess I didn't really enjoy my high school times. I wasn't very popular, not like I tried anyways. My high school was one of those "you're a jock or you're a nerd" school. And I'm sure you can guess which one I was. If you picked the latter, you're right. I was always the over achiever, so I didn't really spend much time getting to know people. I mean, I had lots of friends. But no one I was really close to. I did have my set of close friends. Probably my closest thing to a best friend was John. We met in freshman year. During gym class no less. I guess we kind of slacked off together in the class. Ever since freshman years, we kept on talking and found out that we had a lot of similar interests. Now don't start getting any ideas. My relationship with John was completely non-sexual. I in no way was anywhere near interested him. Besides, I hadn't even told him about being gay. But I guess that brings us to my sexuality. Or lack there of. All through high school, I kind of discovered, "Hey, I think I like guys." Of course, when you're surrounded by a bunch of straight, homophobic, immature guys, you really don't want to say much about being gay. High school. The words "queer" "fag" and "gay" are thrown around so much, it almost became second nature to insult someone that way. So all four years, I had to keep this feeling inside of me. Surrounded by hundreds of guys. No one really suspected I was gay. When I declined to go to events such as homecoming and prom, I merely told them I had no interest going to such boring things. Really. Have you ever been to a high school mixer? Yah. And a second thing against me, I'm not really interested in girls. So why would I even bother going? And another thing about my high school life, I really never knew anybody gay. Inside or outside school. In that sense, I was left in the closet. Finally, that spring, I had graduated. Now I was free. Free from my family. I love my family. It's just, I really really really need to get away. First of all, my family is Catholic. Having gay tendencies is a big no-no as many people know. Second, my family is always bugging me. They keep a tight leash. How am I even to explore my sexuality? Lastly, my family is like a human internet. News travels fast. Put it this way, I had a girlfriend. I told no one, well except for my sister, which is I guess was really stupid idea. The next day, I got a call from my cousin in Canada screaming at me for not telling her that I had a girlfriend. You might also see the world girlfriend. Well, my "love life" has really only consisted of two girls. We didn't get too serious. The first relationship lasted about 8 months, the second lasting 6 months. These relationships were mostly to make my parents back off about asking if I had a girlfriend or not. In reality, I would have liked to go out with a guy. But I'm not very forthcoming. I'm pretty shy, timid, any word to describe quietness. That's me. Anyways, as you can see, I'm not really excited about telling my family that I might be gay. Might be????? Yah, might be. I still have no clue. How could I? I have never been with a guy. Ever since high school, I had to resort to the internet. Cable modem is a very good thing to learn about being gay. Of course, now you must be thinking I am some porno freak. Which I guess I used to be. One year, I must have jacked off ten million times to all these videos and pictures I found online. It was a miracle my parents never found out. Then, around my junior year, I kind of lost interest. I just thought porn was really stupid. I figured I really needed something other than fantasies and pictures. So the next two years, I guess I put any kind of sexual feelings away. Didn't matter anyway, my last two years at high school were so fucking busy that I had no time to think about anything else. So this brings me now to college. COLLEGE. Ever since my junior year in high school, I couldn't wait to get to college. I was so excited. Finally, away from home, away from my old high school, away from my old self. The whole summer before I went to college, I was so psyched. Finally, I could explore my sexuality without worrying about what people around me think. Moving in day. September 10. Unfortunately, the break away from my family would have to wait a little bit more seeing as how they all came to help me move into my dorm. My dorm is coed, though single sex rooms. My parents had already experienced coed dorm rooms with my two older sisters who were already in college. I had already found out that I was going to have a double. I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk with my roommate before moving in day. The only information I really got about my roommate was that his name was Xavier. Interesting name. But that was it. A name and an age. Nothing more. When I first got to the porter's office at the dorm, I got a message from Xavier. Apparently he would not be moving in for another week since he had a family emergency. At least this would give me a change to choose the better side of the room and finally settle in. I got to my room. Spacious, if that's possible for a college dorm. Well, more spacious than most. I saw some rooms at BC and UMD, and mine is at least twice their size. Thank god. One of the perks of going to this college. Well, other than having the best engineering program in the northeast. See, I am a nerd. A big nerd. Stop trying to imagine Urkel from that show, I am not really one of those hiked up pants, glasses with the tape, big belt, plaid t-shirts, slicked back hair. I like to dress pretty laid back. Typical wear: my favorite pair of worn in jeans and a black t-shirt. I just really enjoy my academics. But that was one of things I was trying to avoid. I didn't really want to have a rehash of what happened at high school. I basically spent all my years getting prepped for college. I was really hoping to try and reinvent myself at least a little bit. I didn't really feel like staying inside everyday doing schoolwork and reading books. A week has passed by. I finally got settled in. My family finally went back to our home in Washington. And I also got my class schedule. Wow, I wish high school was like this. I have classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And also my earliest class started at 11 in the morning. I used to have to wake up at 6 am every morning. Now I could sleep later and wake up later. I was also getting accustomed to the college. It was pretty big I guess. At least my dorm was only at the max a twenty-minute walk to my classes. I had gotten all my books. And I had finally finished decorating my room. I was finally settled in. Then it donned on me, Xavier. Damn, I forgot about having a roommate. I was sort of indifferent about having a roommate. On one hand, I could have a single. A big room all to myself and not have to worry about anybody else. I have so many little "tendencies" and "habits" that I can hardly live with myself. I was just feeling sorry for what Xavier was getting himself into. I hoped to god that he wouldn't be some anal-retentive asshole whom I would fight with everyday until the end of my first year in college. I was really hoping that I would be able to get along with this guy. When I applied, the college did have one of those questionnaires hopefully to match up people with similar interests. I was slightly. Unfortunately, they didn't ask for sexual preference. Hehe. I wish they did. It's not like I was so hasty to get together with someone gay. I was just thinking it might be interesting to be with someone else who is gay. Anyways, now, Xavier would come into the room any day now. I was not really sure when. The fall semester term was going to start in one week. And Xavier still hadn't moved in. By now, I was wondering if he was still going to go to this college. Freshman orientation had come and passed. Probably the most fun I had had in so many years. I got to know so many people. I met all the people on the floor of my dorm. On the first day, after the events, we went out clubbing. Since it was my first time in Boston, the ones from there took the new people around. Second day, some of us went sight seeing. Look at the museums, tourist attractions. Your typical touristy thing. I guess this was something like the calm before the storm. Hopefully I could have some fun before delving in to schoolwork. Third day, the group had diminished now to three of us. Me, a girl from Florida named Diane, and a guy from California named Matt. All the others were either tired or were from Boston. So we three decided to just go out and talk. We stopped by a café and just talked. We threw out our whole life stories. I'll give you their background. Diane apparently was from northern Florida. She was another over achiever just like me; she was majoring in classical languages. But she was also beautiful and had a really nice body. She used to be a cheerleader too. Don't see many of that kind of mix. She was one of those girls who had her pick of guys. Luckily, she wasn't some huge bitch. She was really genuine. And that's what I loved about her. I felt like I could tell her anything. Then there was Matt. He was awesome. He was from Los Angeles. Loved to surf and body board. I could tell from the outline of his clothes that he had a really nice body. I would mind getting to know him better. He was your typical nice laid-back kind of guy. Of course, being who I am, I wanted to know if he was gay or not. But I decided not to ask. I still wasn't sure how people would react to this kind of news. I'm guessing some people would be open, but after seeing what it was like in high school, I just wasn't sure. Eventually we parted our ways and I got back to my room. After such a long day of walking and crap, I was tired and sweaty, so I decided to take a shower. Coed showers. Not as exciting as you may think. It's not like people are naked everywhere. I once saw this episode of Boy Meets World (don't ask) where they went to college and were so amazingly interested with the coed showers. Believe me, it's nothing like that kind of portrayal. Well, at least the one in my dorm. After the shower, I put on a tshirt and a towel around my waist and went to my room. I got back to find the door open. Odd, I thought I locked the door. I peered in and saw a guy. "Hello. And you would be?" I asked. "Oh hi! I'm Xavier." he said as he turned around. Now, as for my first impressions of Xavier. Wow. He looked amazing. And so simple at the same time. He was just wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a backwards baseball cap. But at the same time, I couldn't help myself staring at him. I'm surprised I didn't just drop my towel right then and there. Thoughts just rushed into my head. Is he straight? Is he gay? Will he like me? Will we be friends?? "You must be Dave...or did I just happen to enter the room of a towel clad guy who must be wondering what a complete stranger is doing in his room." Immediately I was brought down to Earth. "Hi, I'm Dave." I finally stammered out. "Yes, I think we had that established already. Anyways, I'm Xavier. It's nice to finally meet you." Wow. he has a nice smile. I was just melting where I was standing. "Sorry to finally meet you like this. I just got out of the shower." "Oh yeah, no problem. Anyways, I just got here. I just have some stuff in a rental truck outside. You think you could help me move it in?" "Yah. No problem. Let me just get changed and I'll help you out". He walked out of the room. Hehe, I couldn't stop smiling for some odd reason. I just couldn't help it. I put on some jogging shorts and ran outside. It took us about 4 hours to finally move in all his stuff. Luckily, we live on the ground floor, so we don't have to worry about stairs or anything. After he finally got settled in, it was already nighttime. We were both really tired and really hungry at the same time. So I asked him, "Do you want to go down to the dining hall. I think dinner is being served for another two hours or so. We still have lots of time." "Sure that would be great." So we both walked over to the dining hall, grabbed some food, and sat down. After that, we just started to talk. "So, Xavier, how come you didn't come for almost a week and a half?" "Oh. My grandmother died. I spoke to the college, and they told me it would be fine if I were to be late checking in. Besides, I already registered for my classes online. So I have no problem there." "Oh. Sorry to hear about that." "You didn't do anything. No need to be sorry. Anyways, Dave, as we have already established, tell me more. I figure since we'll be living with each other for another, oh, 6 months, we might as well get to know each other. For example, do you always greet strangers wearing a towel and a substitute for your pants." "Like I said, I just got out of the shower. Anyways, my full name is David Cortais. But most people just call me Dave. I'm from Washington D.C." "Really? I'm Baltimore. That's somewhat close. Do you live on the Virginia or Maryland side?" "Oh, I live on the Virginia side. So how about you?" "Well, I live in the suburbs of Baltimore. My full name is Xavier Westin. I'm here on a scholarship for baseball. But I'm not a complete bonehead. Don't picture me as another stereotype of a jock. I'm here majoring in engineering." "Really now? Well that's interesting. So am I." Well at least that student questionnaire got something right. It matched me up with someone who at least as SOMETHING in common with me. So maybe we'll have stuff to talk about. I usually find that to be the problem with me and most people. There usually isn't very much common ground between us. Think of me as extremely unique. "That's cool. Maybe we'll have some of the same classes. Anyways, have you gone around here yet? This is only my second time in Boston. I came up here last time to look at the college, but that was pretty informal." "Oh yah. Some other people and I already went out. Too bad you missed freshman orientation. It was hella fun. Plus, you missed getting to know some people. But, from what I have gathered already, you should have not problem getting to know them." Ooh, was that a little too obvious? I didn't want to throw it out there that I was gay. I had already stared at him earlier in my towel. And now, I suppose I'm flirting with him. He just laughed. "I hope so. Sometimes I am somewhat anxious when I get to know people. It's only when I have been around them for a while that I get used to them and open up some more. Then again, I have been pretty open with you already. Guess you strike me as someone different." By now I was turning ten million shades of red. To hide this, I quickly looked to the floor and stuck my hand in my bad as if I was looking for something. After recovering from that, I responded, "Eh, I guess it's because I am sort of like you. I'm very timid. When I was high school, I usually waited for people to approach me. It actually took me two weeks to get the courage to talk to people in my class. Kind of sad really." "No, I can totally understand where you're coming from. Do you have older siblings?" he asked. "Yah. How'd you know?" "Just a guess. My parents told me that when I was growing up, my older brother Cyrus and my older sister Jen would always do the talking for me. So in turn, I would have to do any talking at all. Consequently, when I got to school, I just expected people to come up and talk to me. Guess it was the way I was raised." "Hmm, never thought of that." The conversation went on. Mostly talking about what high school was like for each of us. What our families were like. Getting to know you stuff. So we went on the whole night talking about ourselves. Somehow we made it to the student center where we spent maybe an hour or two talking some more. "So, Dave, do you play any sports?" "Eh, just for fun. But not seriously like you play baseball. I just do it for fun. I never really got into playing sports. I guess I ruined my dad's dream of me being a star soccer player." "Ha ha. Yah, I can see where you're coming from with the dad thing. My dad has always played baseball. And so did his dad. And so did his dad. And so on. I guess my dad just expected me to play. And so I did. I enjoy it a lot though. So I guess it works out for both my dad and me. So, tell me about you're sex life." I almost spurted out all my coffee onto his face. It all caught me by surprise. Sex? What sex? The closest thing I really got to sex was with my second girlfriend, Dana. The farthest we went is oral sex. But even then, that was only once or twice. And I wasn't even that good at it (go figure). "Um, well, that should be more `lack there of' a sex life." I said as I looked down to the ground. I guess now he was going to make fun of me or something. He laughed. "Hey, hey, don't look like that. From your reaction, I am guessing that my question really took you by surprise. Sorry about that. I just wanted to break the ice a bit more." "Well, if you broke the ice anymore, I'm sure we'd already be in the freezing water is. Which as a matter of fact is where I am. Please let me go and drown myself." He laughed some more. "I was just kidding. Yah me too. Well, not lack there of. But it's not like I am having sex with every person I meet." "So you're not a virgin?" Damn. I guess he is straight. Well, I knew it was too good to be true. Even then, I still wanted to get to know him. But as I asked him the question, I was dreading the time when he asked me the same question. "No, I'm not. How about you?" Dammit dammit dammit. Why'd he have to ask? I didn't want to sound like a complete nerd to him. From our discussion, I guess he was already figuring that out. So of course, I told him the truth. Of course I was a virgin. "No, I'm not a virgin." Dammit. I just managed to mess up a simple word. Yes. How did I say no??? And now that he thinks that I am not a virgin, he'll probably be setting me up with girls. Urg. "Whoa. Look at the time. It's already 12:30. Looks like almost everyone is gone. We'd better be getting back to the room. We can talk there anyways. Plus, I'm getting a bit tired too." Yes, anything to get off this subject. "Yah, me too. Let's head back." We got to the room. Hmm, I wonder how this would pan out. He rummaged around in his things and grabbed a few things. "I'm just going to the bathroom. I think I'll just brush my teeth and get ready for bed." "Yah, sure. ok." He left for the bathroom. I quickly went through my stuff and changed. The thing about me is that I'm very body conscious. I was, well, a bit overweight in my high school years. I guess the summer before my senior year, I ran almost every day and finally lost some weight. After I joined the cross country team, which luckily takes absolutely no skill, well other than being able to run long distances and not tire out your legs. (take it from me, cross country is hell), I lost a lot more weight. But still, I'm not really much for people looking at my body. Especially naked. So I jumped into bed in my t-shirt and boxers and picked up a book to read. "So is my life story really that boring so that you read a book instead." Oh shit. He came back from the bathroom. "No, I was, you know..." I stammered. "I'm just joking you know. Don't get so defensive. But then again, with older siblings, I guess that tends to happen." He walked over to his drawers and picked up some clothes. "Yah. I guess" I said trailing off as he started to change. I just couldn't help staring. Facing his side of the wall, I guess he wouldn't see me. He took of his t-shirt, revealing his nice sculpted back. Baseball workouts must have done him lots of good. He had nice defined muscles. He slid off his jeans showing his tight white underwear. "Tighty whities, eh?" "Huh? Oh yeah, I guess I like the support. You know, for, ya know." "I guess I prefer it loose." What was I saying??? tighty whities???? What was I thinking? Now he must really think I'm gay or something. And saying `I prefer it loose.' I'm such an idiot. "Wow, I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go to sleep. Want me to turn the light off?" "Yah, sure, thanks. Night." "Night." And thus went the first day as roommates. Over the first semester of the fall term, we got to know each other better. Every Monday and Friday, we had physics class together with Mr. Connell, so we got to see each other outside of the dorm room. We also went out every so often with other people in my dorm. Most of our excursions always include Matt and Diane. We four soon became really close friends. Though, I found it really amusing how Diane and Matt shamelessly flirted each other each time. In fact, it got to the point where the whole dorm was wondering if they were going out already. As Diane and Matt got closer, so did Xavier and I. We went to the library together, the student center, bars (yes, fake id. you know everyone has one), around the campus. Sometimes we would just spend time outside on the campus talking about the most random things. But other than being inseparable close best friends, it really never went any further than that, even though I wanted to. I would have loved to tell Xavier that I have had this constant crush for him for the past month or so. That I would love to run my hands through his wavy hair, look him deeply in the eyes and kiss him. But none of that would happen. I didn't want to ruin this friendship. What if he was homophobic? Then that would be problematic in the room. I just couldn't risk it. Plus, this was the first time I've ever been close to someone like this. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how I feel. Anyways, I pretty much pegged him for being straight as an arrow. He had already told me he wasn't a virgin. Oh well. Besides that, I had gotten to know some more people. This was a completely different experience. Actually meeting and talking to new people. But still, something in me was not satisfied. I really wanted to find a guy to go out with. But how do I start? It's not like I had a role model or someone to help me out. And I wasn't exactly going to go to the nearest gay club and look for guys there. It's just not my scene. I guess I really expected the person to fall into my lap. And I guess he did. Coming back from my French class, I found Xavier with another person in our room. "Hey, Dave. I want you to meet my friend Will." ------ I know this is going a bit slow. But it's getting there. Trust me. I fu have an ideas or comments, email me at Streyn@hotmail.com Thanks.