The following is a work of fiction. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. Any relation to similar events or persons, fiction or real, is completely fortuitous. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comments.
Have you forgotten all I know, and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you, to live, to breathe
You're taking over me
Taking Over Me © by Evanescence, 2003
Control. It's extraordinary the tactics people employ to obtain it. Some rely on deception while others engage in outright trickery. Then there are those who resort to extortion. Why do we fight so hard for control? Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others. And what could be more dangerous?
© by Marc Cherry, 2005
"I don't know what to do. It feels like he's trying to torture me. I just need more time before I can even begin to think about forgiving him." I explained after taking another bite of my burrito.
"Yeah, I understand that. But the only way to move on from him is to forgive him. Until then you're a prisoner of grief and anger."
"But, Tyler, he practically abandoned me. A three year relationship he threw down the drain. How is that forgivable?"
Tyler swallowed his last bite of food, took a big drink from his can of soda and answered. "I know how hard this is for you. I feel like I lost a fourth son. Trevor was over all the time for dinner or during the summer to swim or on holidays. Everyone's upset for you. Everyone's upset they didn't receive a goodbye."
"For some the goodbye isn't going to happen." I bitterly murmured, staring down into my burrito.
"What do you mean?"
"He talks to Keegan every so often, supposedly."
"Are you serious? I'll have a talk with your brother, then."
"Don't bother. I don't care. It's a free country."
But in truth I do care. I care a lot. To me it's almost a sense of betrayal on Keegan's part to actually continue conversing with my ex. What do they talk about? What do they have in common to talk to each other about? The only thing I can think of is me, and that drives me insane. Am I brought up during their conversations? How long have they been talking? Before the break up? Trevor's never mentioned anything about having private conversations with Keegan. It's just so odd.
Tyler finished eating light-years ahead of me. He began to read over what looks like essays. I used to always, literally always, help him grade. Those were our bonding moments, which were incredibly fun. You're probably thinking, 'Really? Grading papers is fun?' I can see why you'd assume that, but honestly it was a lot of fun. Tyler and I would talk about life and what was currently happening in ours. Like I said, those times were when we bonded. I miss those moments. During the summer when he doesn't work is pretty lame. The past two years he's had a seasonal job during his time off. The man doesn't ever take a break from providing for his family. Yet another reason why I want to obtain a new job so that he doesn't have to work as hard. It'd be nice to have him around during the summer months instead of working the most peculiar shifts. As a family we only went to the beach once last year. The beach is what we used to do every other weekend almost.
"You know, if you continue staring at your burrito like that it might eventually turn into diamonds."
"You've been staring at your food for the past ten minutes."
I hadn't even realized.
"Not this time."
"Then what's got you so morose?"
"I want to find another job, Tyler."
He set his red felt tip pen down and cleared his throat. Here it comes. The lecture about not needing a job because he'll 'provide me with anything' I may need and a job would take my 'focus away from school.'
"We've talked about this before. You know I want you to put all of your attention towards school. Jared and I are more than happy with giving you money to go out and have fun."
"But I want to earn it. I'm tired of just being handed money. I can juggle school and a job. I've done it before!"
"Your grades also slipped."
I shook my head negatively. "No, that was because most of my shifts were graveyard. The day and evening shifts were always okay."
"And what're you talking about 'being handed money'? You earn that money for doing chores and taking care of your brothers. You help me with grading all the time and I know Jared appreciates when you help with the yard work."
"Wow. All that is so worth a phone bill, car insurance, gas, and money to buy whatever with."
Tyler ran his hands through his buzzed, blonde hair.
"I don't want you to work. School is the most important thing right now. There will be plenty of time to work once you've finished."
I'm being very adamant about having a job. He just doesn't understand what it's like to be nineteen and have to rely on my parents for everything. I want responsibility and a small income just to pay for the basics of my own life.
"Who knows how long I'm going to be in school. I haven't even chosen a major yet. Almost two years and I still don't have a major." I do feel like an idiot for not having one, whereas, it seems like everyone else does. Claire wants to move into the sociology field. Lizzy chose interior design. Olivia is in love with business. Yeah, I'm a science guy, and after many discussions with many different people it would seem that's the field I should enter.
Weather is fun and quite often unpredictable. Careers in that field? Weatherman. Who actually likes weathermen? So I think that's out. Astronomy. Looking at stars and planets? Interesting, but a lot of physics, which I am absolutely terrible at. Biology would probably be the best fit for me. It just seems so cliché, though. Then there's ecology and other environmental studies. Those subjects seem so much more interesting to me. During this time and age, they are also the most demanded career fields. The world is waiting for someone to come up with solutions to the ever growing environmental concerns. Like, for example, back in 2011 the then president Barack Obama declared new fuel consumption standards of 54.5 miles per gallon for vehicles made between the years 2017 and 2025. Well, here we are in 2018 and . . . uh . . . few vehicles have that kind of mileage. Car companies have made drastic improvements and many have doubled their hybrid count, but for the most part mileage is still mediocre.
Then there's the idea that if vehicles don't have that kind of mileage, they won't be able to be street legal. So, what, only Prius's on the road? Toyota? Shit. I think when Obama created the new standards he was being paid by Toyota. Talk about a total conspiracy. Oh, and get this. Last year in my philosophy class, there was this dumb girl who believes car companies have the ability to produce vehicles with boundless mileage, but they haven't because they want to collect money from consumers. Two things wrong with that theory. First, car companies don't have the secret ability for high mileage. If they did—and this coincides with my second point—they could easily charge triple what they do now so they'd actually be making more money than by releasing new vehicles with dismal mileage improvements. The bimbo who spoke this theory is just plain dumb living in a fantasy world that she rules over.
People these days, I tell you what.
Other environmental concerns, such as, pollution, deforestation, and declining animal populations, have gained much more support over the years. Littering fines in this county several years ago were five hundred dollars for the first offense. Now those fines have tripled. If someone is caught littering now it could end up costing them fifteen hundred dollars. Again, that's the first time offense. Each offense after that doubles. The pollution has probably dramatically decreased—I haven't particularly noticed—but over a thousand dollars? That is an intense fine. Imagine it: a gum wrapper could end up costing a person over one month's salary. Now, as great as that pollution control is in the local area, what about the rest of the country? What about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? Who the fuck is going to clean that mess up? Google it. No country is willing to clean it up because the mess is outside of anyone's territory; though, I believe the US and Japan should join efforts to reduce the trash floating beyond the sunny shores since the mess is between the two countries.
Deforestation in the world's jungles has taken the limelight in mainstream media today. Many companies suffered during this time, particularly paper supply companies and oil factories. Not many Americans are willing to shuck out dollar bills and swipe their debit cards after they saw an hour long special a couple of years ago about the destruction of deforestation. Images of tiny animals scurrying out of trees and running for their lives opened the eyes of the human population. The US in particular has come up with laws that prevent investors and builders from taking advantage of the luscious space that untouched natural gems provide. States outlaw the destruction of habitats for the private sector and have implemented strict repercussions if done so. Environmental groups have applauded the government lately for their effort to help rebuild the very environment they helped destroy.
With the reduction of tree slaughtering, numerous animal species have bounced back. The sympathy for animals has always been high, but more so in the recent years when environmental changes haven't been too inconspicuous. Those sad commercials depicting polar bears floating on tiny pieces of ice really worked, although they were complete bullshit. What those commercials didn't show was the millions of acres of ice behind the polar bear. Poor treatment of creatures has become such a taboo act that if a person is convicted of animal abuse or neglect the consequences have turned severe, such as thousands of dollars in fines and years in a jail cell.
The president currently in office is big on these kinds of issues, hence the huge boost of support. When taking a step back and realizing what the amount of damage the world has taken from human kind is staggering. It's very noticeable on the local level in particular. This one time after dinner, Tyler took me and my brothers on a drive around town and showed us what used to be acres of orange groves but is now acres of buildings. In the suburbs especially, it's crazy to try to imagine what used to be where the houses are. When we got home I looked up pictures online of the area a decade ago. Even in just ten years the numbers of changes were staggering.
So does any of this sound like a career I'd like to follow? Ecology? Meteorology? Environmentalist? No thanks. As passionate as I am for saving the environment and reducing my footprint, making a career out of it seems daunting and lengthy. I'm interested in social sciences, too, though. Psychology is appealing, but the only real career path is becoming a psychologist. Perhaps I'm destined to continue on in college a major-less loser. I'll ask Jared for advice later tonight. He should provide insight to this exasperating subject. There is one science career that I am keeping an open mind about, however. Botany, or plant biology as it's more commonly known. To most people that probably seems tremendously boring. After all, plants don't talk. They don't move. What's the fun in that? For me I find the study of these organisms that have been here for millions of years fascinating. With new breakthroughs about communication between plants and other zany theories, the field is rapidly gaining popularity. Besides, everyone loves a good oak tree. Am I right? Okay, maybe not, but the point is they're a basically easy subject to study.
The minutes passed by. The biology lab starts shortly and I want to show up early to meet Claire. Prior to picking lunch up, I swung by the house and grabbed my lab book, so that won't be an extra stop.
"Thanks for lunch, Tyler. Time for school."
"Okay. And hey, don't stress about your major. It's an important decision so you definitely want to be sure of what you choose." He gave me a hug and reminded me Jared's barbecuing the steaks and salmon from yesterday for dinner.
Upon arriving at school, I fortunately was able to park next to Claire again, which is highly unusual considering we're in the very first row. Though it is spring semester, not fall, so crowding is on average reduced. The summer semester is extremely less crowded; for the obvious reason it's summer. Who wants to go to school during the summer? I do. During the summer I have zero responsibility and let me tell you, staying at home all day becomes tiring after the first few days. And by going to summer school I complete more general education classes faster. I really, really need to choose a major as to begin required classes. I don't want to be in a community college for five years—not that there's anything wrong with that!
The lab today should be fairly straightforward. I took a moment to check the syllabus when I fetched my notebook. We're taking swabs of the inside of our mouths and looking at the samples under a microscope. For Sylvester, however, I know it is much more difficult than simply eyeing a few drops of saliva. There's going to be a huge curve ball.
From the parking lot I spotted Claire walking towards the lab room. I texted her and said to wait for me. I gathered my stuff and quickly went over to her.
"How was lunch?" she asked.
"Delicious," I hummed. "How was psychology?"
"Delicious," she mocked.
"It was pretty interesting. Do you know what lab we're doing today?"
I held my breath as we walked up the stairs of lung cancer. "Some cheek swab thing. Leave it to Sylvester to make it sound easy. She'll probably make us swab a rabid bats mouth."
"I wouldn't put it past her."
"Oh, by the way. Lizzy told me about this party Saturday night at Brenda's house she apparently invited us all to. Wanna go?"
"Sure, why not? I could use a little fun. Friday night I'm babysitting Austin's kid."
"Same thing. Oh, how was history?"
"Oh, let me tell you how history was. Lame. Trevor came up to me after class and told me to stop being stubborn and to accept his friendship."
"Seriously?" Claire asked, mouth agape. "What is his problem? I don't know why guys do that kind of shit. You broke up with us, now leave us alone."
"You're telling me!"
"Well, Sylvester will take your mind off of him." She has a point. There is one bad thing about this lab, though. Sylvester randomizes her student roster and places four people in a group. But what are the odds Trevor and I will be in the same group?
Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. I'm in the same group as Trevor. So much for being random. I know damn well Sylvester personally made this atrocity happen, and there's nothing to be done about it. Requesting a switch would be like requesting Richard Simmons to stop his flamboyant lifestyle—though I'm not sure anyone would actually want that since the man is hilarious. I'd honestly rather fail than work with Trevor. I'm thinking about just leaving.
As I walked back to the table, Claire went up to check which group she was in. I noticed her jaw drop, so I'm guessing she saw my group. Trevor, on the other hand, seems smug about it all. A tiny smirk only verifies that speculation.
"I can't believe you're in Trevor's group." Claire said as she came back to our table.
"You're telling me,"
"That's definitely not a coincidence." I love when she points out the obvious.
"I'm thinking about just leaving. I can't stand the sight of him. How am I supposed to work with him?"
"You can't leave. You need this grade, Travers. Look, just do the procedures, then when it's time to do the questions you and I can do 'em."
And other times I love when she comes up with a brilliant idea. The procedures should maybe take twenty minutes if that. I can suck it up for that long. I hope . . .
Sylvester quickly went over the lab, and shockingly there were no hidden surprises. She said that we'd even be out early, which never happens. Then she told everyone to get into their groups and to hurry because she'd rather be anywhere else than with us. The class shifted into their respected stations and began working.
I hardly knew the other two people in our group so things started out quietly. Trevor took charge, though, and used the single large cotton swab on the inside of his cheek. Once he massaged his cheek a few times he wiped the tip on a clean slide and placed it under the lens. Each of us then took turns examining the cells and writing down our observations. Trevor was particularly close to me when it was my turn to look through the eyepiece. The other two members of the group had drifted back to their own seats by this point. His scent made a certain body part of mine stand at attention, and I know he knows. The bastard is purposely tormenting me, as if the anguish of being in every single class with him isn't bad enough. I tried paying attention to the task at hand, but between his scent and just his physical stature it was proving most difficult. Then he did something completely unexpected.
"Can you see anything?" he asked.
The microscope in fact is unfocused and blurry. Any details of the cheek sample were lost on me. I had to lie to him only to suggest he could leave me alone.
"Let me see," Before I could object he gently pushed me out of the way and took stance at the eyepiece. "It's not fine. You can't see anything it's so blurry. Here," He positioned me back at the scope. "Look into it and tell me when it's focused." I stared into the eyepiece, expecting him to turn the focus dial until I told him to stop. No. He came up behind me, pressing his body against mine, and then turned the focus dial. "You smell nice."
I swallowed hard. "Thanks," His presence was really beginning to affect me both physically and mentally.
"Is it hard?" he asked.
His voice lowered to a low, resonating tone. "Looking through the eyepiece. You seem like you're having trouble." His warm breath brushed my ear, sending chills down my spine and a pulse somewhere else.
Oh, it's hard!
"No, it's fine. I'm just a little tired is all."
"Sample any less blurry?"
I studied the sample closely and it appeared to be in perfect focus. Trevor suddenly moved into me. His hard cock pressed into my butt, and I froze. Oh, what a missed feeling! But what the fuck is he thinking? We're not together anymore. This isn't right, especially not in the damn classroom where people are probably watching us right now.
I sharply turned around. Our faces were inches from touching.
"What do you think you're doing?"
The expression on his face said it all. He's going to play dumb.
"I'm not doing anything, Travers."
"The hell you aren't," I said quietly, but with force. "Why the fuck are you doing this to me? Do you like watching me squirm that much?"
"Come on, dude. We were together for three years. I may have lost emotional feelings for you, but physical feelings are all still there. I can't help what you do to me." he explained calmly, almost like it was okay what he was doing.
"So, what, you just want to have sex? Fuck buddies?"
"I wouldn't say that, but you can't say you wouldn't like a little action here and there. And if you do say that, then I'll just call you a liar. Simple as that."
He's absolutely correct. What I wouldn't give to just let him take me right here right now. Or drag him to a bathroom. Or go somewhere in the hills in his truck. Or go back to his house. I want the feeling of him inside of me, taking me, filling me with his seed. I want to feel every pulse, every twitch of his cock, every spurt of cum.
But I can't. I have to be strong. Giving in to him physically would basically be throwing in the towel. My name is Travers Delfino-Young and by God I don't let anyone take control over me.
"You lost that privilege when you dumped me. Find a different fuck buddy." I grabbed my stuff and went back to the table.
Fuck him. He is out of his damn mind if he thinks we can be fuck buddies. What the hell was he thinking? I'm still in love with him. Meaningless sex would only be that for him. For me it would be an attachment act. I'd never move on if we started having sex. Though the idea is absolutely tempting I can't. I just can't let him win.
Claire came over a few minutes later and we worked on the questions. I kept what happened earlier a secret, only bringing up how much I hated having to be in the same group as him. I'm still in shock he actually propositioned me to become fuck buddies. And where the hell did that assertiveness come from? To me he came off as a stuck up jackass. He's naturally an assertive person, but he's never been arrogant about it.
"Dude, I am so looking forward to the party on Saturday. Maybe we'll find you a new boy toy!" Claire enthusiastically said.
I glanced at Trevor. "Yeah, maybe we will. I could use a little fun."
"Awesome. I'll tell Lizzy and Olivia to keep their eyes open, too. We're going to find you someone way better than him."
"That'd be great."
But would it really? I want to move on . . . I do . . . It's just the thought of having anything intimate with anyone else makes my stomach churn. There's never going to be anyone like Trevor. I know that seems dreary and unrealistic, and that's exactly how I mean it. Is the past three years just supposed to mean nothing? How can anyone even come close to what Trevor provided me? I guess there's only one way to find out. I have to move on, but that doesn't mean I have to jump into dating right away. No, no. I just need to jumpstart my social life, which will get me out of the house more and present opportunities to meet new people and potentially new—
"These questions are so easy. I can't believe Sylvester actually allows this lab in her class. Remember chemistry? Those labs were nightmares." Claire commented. In deed I do remember the chem labs and the waste they laid on us.
I nodded in agreement. "No one's more surprised than me. I thought she had something else up her sleeve, but I guess not."
"At least we're on the final question, then we can get out of here."
The last one was easier than the first seven, so we packed up and checked out with the professor. She has to approve our work before we're allowed to officially leave.
"Claire, this is impeccable work. I know people say you struggle with your bulimia, but I think you manage it pretty well. I'd suggest buying yourself an ice cream cone as celebration, but surely you'd just finger your throat afterwards." Claire smirked and stepped aside for me to receive my judgment. "Hello there, queerbait. Let's just see what kind of crap you did." She scanned the page and acted horrified.
"Something wrong, professor?" I asked, well aware that nothing was.
"You mean other than your lifestyle? Yes. This work is terrible. You should be ashamed of this. I'd smack you, but you'd probably scream 'homophobe, homophobe'! Take your lab book and get the hell out of my sight."
I stomped a foot on the ground, stiffened, and raised my arm in mock Nazi salute. "Hail, Sylvester!"
On our way to the parking lot, Claire said, "I've noticed something about her,"
"She seems happier now that you're back. During your leave she was a bit subdued and acted bored. Now she's back to her old self and I'm pretty sure you're to thank for that."
"You mean her old self is an improvement from subdued and bored?"
I chuckled, "Okay,"
"Anyways, you had a pretty decent day, huh? I'll see you in the morning, bestie."
Tyler and Jared are two of the most lovesick people I've ever known and probably will ever know. They're high school sweethearts and the only thing cuter than that is middle school sweethearts. So when I walked in the house it didn't surprise me to see them close to each other, talking softly. What did surprise me is when Tyler noticed me he quickly hushed up and moved away from Jared. Speaking of which, he did this the other day as well. Why is he suddenly embarrassed to show affection in front of us? Wait a sec, what if he's only embarrassed in front of me? Now there's a true mystery. I'm the most mature out of their children. I'm gay, too. Ugh. The last thing I need right now is for my parents to start acting all weird and secretive.
I went into my bedroom, closing the door softly. The only thing I feel like doing right now is falling asleep until tomorrow. Today was an emotionally draining day and there's nothing I'd like more than to simply forget about it all, especially when Trevor asked to be friends with benefits. My God. What was he thinking? Probably what I'm thinking right now . . . Our sex was astounding. Just the memory of watching him undress . . . Holy shit! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. No strings attached. I think I should be more open-minded and just try it once. If it pains me too much, then I can call it quits. No harm done.
What am I saying? I can't be his fuck buddy. I just can't. Why does he have such control over me still? We're done, we're over. To give in would be like saying I have no willpower.
But who am I trying to kid? I have no willpower when it involves him. I grabbed my phone.
Come over tonight. Let's have sex.
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