Author's Notes: The following story is a work of fiction. Any similarity of the characters to real-life people, places, animals, vegetables or minerals is purely coincidental and unintended.
This story depicts acts of a sexual nature between two consenting male adults. If that turns you off, or especially if it is illegal for you to be reading this due to your location, your age, or for any other reason, please leave immediately. Yup, that means you! Shoo! Scram! So, if you're legal, willing, and all that, let's continue with our little saga ...
From Chapter 5:
All of a sudden, I had an evil thought. My brain must have sent some kind of signal to my face, for Brian picked right up on it.
"Dude, just WHAT are you thinking about doing?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Bri, methinks its about time for the two of us to have a little fun with Mr. Jim, don't you? If he thinks something's up, why can't we convince him that I'm after him instead of you?"
"Oh, man", Brian replied. "You are sooo bad. That would be so wrong...."
Then he grinned. "Hell, yes, dude. I'm in! Now what are we gonna do?"
We huddled there in
the driveway for a few minutes, deciding just what we were gonna do. As
we came to agreement, we had to clutch our sides we were laughing so hard!
And, with that, our plan was set into motion. Ol' Jim was gonna get one
hell of a show before this barbeque was over!
"OK, man, are you ready?" I asked Brian.
"Yup! Let's go", he replied.
And with that, we walked around the house to the backyard, where his folks were diligently setting up for the barbeque. As we entered the backyard, his mother looked up from her preparations, and gave us both a quizzical look.
"Why do both of you guys look like you just swallowed the canary?", she queried, with a grin starting to cover her face. "Is there something I need to know about before it happens?"
"Nah, Ma," Brian answered. "Don't sweat it, it's under control. Your fearless crimefighters are here to rescue the day! We're just looking around for a damsel in distress."
With those words, he enveloped his mother in a hug, then dipped her backwards, as if she were some kind of graceful dancer of the tango. As Brian allowed her to come back to her feet, Helen rolled her eyes and nonchalantly went back to her work, as if being twirled and dipped and spun around were part of her everyday life.
"Uh huh, and I was born yesterday," she laughed. "Now tell me another good one! What are you boys REALLY up to?"
For the next several minutes, Brian, his mom and I just sat and visited, talking about this and that and other nothings. Five minutes or more went by, and then Jim walked outside. He strode rather arrogantly past where we were sitting, not really looking at any of us as he passed. After he had settled into the remaining available lounge chair, he stared over at us, looking me right in the eye.
"Aah," I thought to myself. "I love it when a plan comes together..." Knowing it would bother the heck out of him, I continued to look back at him, allowing myself a subdued grin. When I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Helen had looked away, I gave ol' Jim the sexiest, most flagrant wink I had in my arsenal.
His response was priceless! His confused eyes got big as saucers, and both Brian and I could tell he was a bit bewildered about this response. Brian, much to his credit, remained nonchalant, and continued to talk with his mother while taking everything in. I could see that the gears in Jim's brain were spinning a mile a minute, and he was trying to figure out just what - if anything - was intended by my wink. Well, if he was as self-centered as I thought he was, he was probably more concerned with his having lost control over our situation! At that moment, Brian's dad announced that the barbeque grill had done its trick, and that dinner was served.
As we all moved over to the table, I managed to somehow maneuver my way into the place right next to Jim, while Brian was seated directly across the table from me. As the meal progressed, I gave Brian a sideways glance, making sure I had his attention, and then went to work.
"Oops," I sputtered. "Just dropped my fork."
Well, what would you do? Sure, you'd bend over, and reach under the table to pick it up, right? And, just so I wouldn't lose my balance, and fall out of my chair, I steadied my hand on Jim's leg. To the casual observer, I'm sure it looked as if that was what I was doing, anyway. However, I applied just as much pressure to his thigh as I could without it looking like I was giving him an almost-on-the-groin massage.
Once again, Jim's response was right-on-target. He looked at me, then over at Brian, then back at me... all the while wondering to himself, "what in the world ..." The confusion he was starting to feel was somehow overtaking his normally smug, determined, always-cocky demeanor, and certainly showed upon his face!
For a minute there, I thought Brian was gonna lose it and laugh outloud, but he somehow managed to maintain. Wanting to throw Jim even further off-balance, I decided to lightly address what I had just done.
"Thanks, man!" I said to Jim. "I was afraid I was gonna fall on my butt for a minute there. That wouldn't have been too embarrassing, huh?"
Brian piped up, "Yeah, for us, too."
Everyone laughed, and went back to their own conversations, while we continued to eat the excellent dinner. If Jim could have sat any further away from me, he would have been in the next person's lap. Brian, never one to miss a trick or even the slightest nuance, kept kicking me with his long legs, letting me know he was watching what was going on whether that appeared to be the case or not. Even though Jim had moved away from me, I continued to talk to him, even when his responses were monosyllabic.
As the meal finished, everyone thanked Brian's 'rents for the excellent meal, and then we all got up and stretched. As we stood around, Jim announced that he was going to go for a walk on the wooded trail behind the house. Brian, who was standing behind his parents, put his fingers up to his lips as if he were smoking, just to let me know why Jim was walking away from the house. I gave a slight nod so he knew I'd seen his clue, and then spoke up.
"Say, Jim, that sounds like a great idea. I stuffed myself. Mind if I tag along, buddy?"
Helen answered for her son, much to his obvious chagrin.
"Joel, that would be marvelous! Jim can show you the trail, and you two can have this chance to get to know one another!"
"Super," I replied. "Then it's a date," I said, grinning.
Jim stammered, "Uh, ah, sure, I guess...", and off we walked towards the back acreage. After we had gone about 20-30 feet, I turned back around, and thanked the Pattersons once again for the wonderful meal. Brian looked over at me, smiled, and gave me a thumbs-up.
After Jim and I had walked about a minute or so, we were out-of-earshot of his family. I turned to him and spoke.
"So, how far away do you usually get before you do things you don't want your parents to see?"
"Just what the hell do you mean by that?", he spat out. "Are you coming on to me or something?"
"Yeah, right, Jim," I laughed. "You seem to be thinking I'm coming on to everyone tonight. Or, at the very least, every Patterson that has a dick! What's next, do you think I'm gonna check out your old man? And, hey, you'd best keep that cocker spaniel of yours from coming across the street, unless you think he can't handle a good time!!"
"Er, uhm......OK, OK, I see your point. Sorry," he mumbled. "It's just..."
"Besides, " I interrupted, "I knew you were coming out for a smoke. Figured I'd just walk off the food. Isn't that alright?"
Hey, I had him on the defensive....and he really HAD pissed me off earlier!
Jim stopped in his tracks, and stared at me. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, and then he spoke up.
"How did you know I smoked? I've never been around you all that much before? Did Bri tell you that, or what?"
"I never heard Brian say anything about you smoking," I answered. "Maybe I'm just psychic? Or, better yet, maybe I can just smell you coming from a mile away!"
As I said that last statement, I took an exaggerated whiff of him and his clothes. OK, so I really don't mind if someone else smokes or not...I figure it's their lungs, right? And Brian really didn't verbalize to me that ol' Jim was gonna go smoke - he pantomimed it across the crowd. And did you notice how when I was mentioning the males in his family unit that I wasn't interested in, I pointedly didn't mention Brian? Did that make me a liar, given the situation and the circumstances? Oh well, if you really think that's the case, then give me that mental bitch slap, forgive me, and move on, 'k? Thanks.
My actions caused Jim to snicker.
"OK, OK, I'm busted. WhatEVER, man. You want one?" he queried.
"Nah," I replied. "Not my scene. I just came out here to spend the time with you."
"Oh... Uhm, Joel. Don't want to insult you or anything, but..."
"Get over yourself, Jim!" I laughed. "You are so full of yourself. Surprised you're not out here tripping on that inflated ego, dude! I'm just along for the walk, 'k? I assure you - and get my meaning - that's ALL I'm interested in. Sheesh, guys are always hitting on me...."
I said it before, and I'll say it again: I just love it when a plan comes together!
"No way, man! I'm not....I know.....Joel, I am NOT coming on to you!", Jim practically shouted.
"OK, then," I answered. "You're not coming on to me. And I'm not coming on to you, your dad, or your dog. So...what's the problem, then?"
One could almost see Jim's mental wheels turning as we continued to walk a bit more down the trail. He stopped to light his cigarette, inhaled deeply, and then spoke.
"Guess there isn't any problem then, man. Sorry about that. So, what grad program are you working on?"
We actually had a pretty pleasant conversation as we walked along the trail, and then back towards the Patterson house. I almost began to actually enjoy Jim's company, even if he had been kind of pissy to me at the outset. He turned out to be nearly as witty as his brother, and seemingly quite intelligent. I hoped, assuming my relationship with his brother didn't turn out to be some kind of fling, that Jim and I would continue to get know one another. Who knows, he might even turn out to like me, given the chance.
Finally, we were back at the Patterson house, and at the end of our trail. Brian was still sitting out back with his family, enjoying the cooler evening air.
"Well, everyone, I've got to get ready for a date," Jim announced as we reached his family. "Joel, see ya around. "Night, Mom, Dad, Asswipe..."
"James Dean Patterson!!" Helen declared. "You do NOT speak to your brother that way, and certainly not in front of a guest!"
"Don't worry, Ma", Brian shot back. "I just consider the source. Coming from a hunk of toilet paper like him, it's almost like a compliment."
We all laughed.
"James Dean, huh?" I asked. "Was he named for the actor, or the sausage?"
Brian and his dad snickered as Jim smirked, shook his head in mock disgust, and walked into the house.
"Oh, good grief," Helen sighed. "Don't tell me I have another smart-mouth to contend with around here!"
As we all smiled, Brian spoke up.
"Yeah, Ma. You'd be shocked at some of the things that have come out of Brian's mouth!"
I rolled my eyes, as I'm sure both of his folks did as well. Double meanings aside, I decided that it was time for me, too, to take my leave.
"Thanks for the fun time and the great food, but I think I'll wander back across the street. Thanks so much! I really enjoyed myself tonight."
Helen rose from her chair, and enveloped me in a genuine, thoughtful hug.
"Joel, you are so very welcome. Please think of this as your home, too. And the pleasure was all ours."
As Helen said her last sentence, I just happened to look at Brian. Just as she made the comment about 'the pleasure being all ours,' he started wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Now....why did I think that my pleasure was about to begin?? Luckily, I can maintain when I need to, and didn't laugh. Well, maybe a little on the inside, but not too much on the outside, other than a big ol' shit-eating grin.
"Mom," Brian said, speaking in his best baby-talk voice, "Joey is all scared to stay by his lonesome in the big, bad house across the street."
He then continued in his normal tones, "We're gonna go watch some movies over there, and if I fall asleep I'll just crash there on the couch."
"Fine, dear," Helen replied. "If he becomes a pest, Joel, just send him home."
"Too late for that, Helen," I answered, smiling all the way. "Actually, Bri was a huge help to me today. He saved me hours and hours of work. He's not a pest...more like an annoying gnat or something."
As I made the statement about the gnat, I flicked my arm as if I were swatting away a pesky little bug. We all laughed, and then Brian and I exited the yard. Brian couldn't wait to hear what Jim and I had talked about on our walk, and how everthing had gone down, but I told him I'd tell him about it later. As we rounded the front of the house, and walked down the driveway towards the street, Brian smacked me on the butt. I yelped, and spun towards him.
"What in the hell was THAT for?"
"Just a little gnat, Helen," he mimicked, repeating what I had said to his mother. "I'll show you what a pesky gnat actually does...."
And with that, I got pantsed. Yup.....me, right there in a neighborhood full of people who didn't know me, but all of whom knew my parents ... on a fairly busy street with cars driving by with regularity ... with Brian's parents liable to be looking out of their large living room window, if they had gotten inside by then, and happened to be walking by the window or watching us ... and with 2 kids, probably new neighbors of mine, biking down the street about 20 yards away ... Yup, there I was, with my pants around my ankles. Did he leave me with any dignity? Were my boxers covering up 'my business'? Well, nope ... the boxers were down around my ankles as well. So, there I was, bare-assed and -fronted to the world, out on the street, right under a large street light. It was as if I were on stage and under a gigantic spotlight. The kids on the bikes began to hoot and holler at me, causing some old biddy at the house next door to also look over my way. As quickly as I could recover what little dignity I had left, I grabbed for my shorts and my boxers. Now, given the potential embarrassment I was feeling, you'd think that I'd just be a little red-faced, and none the worse for wear, right? But no, things can never be that simple when you want or need them to be!
I have no earthly idea how I managed such grace under pressure, but I somehow got my legs tangled in my boxers when I started to pull them up ... and I proceeded to fall flat on my face in the middle of the street, butt up in the air. Hell, one could have planted a flagpole in my butt given the pose I was in.
I thought those damned kids were gonna fall off their bikes, they were laughing so hard...and so loudly. And, of course, the car which just happened to choose that moment to travel down our street loved every moment of my predicament. They must have, anyway, given how the 4 teens traveling in the car started honking, hooting, and screaming with laughter. I don't think the aftermath of any sunburn I've ever had in my life has made me even remotely close to how red my face was at that very moment in time.
I rolled over, grabbed my boxers and shorts, and quickly pulled them up. Standing up, I looked over at the bikers and took a deep bow. I then turned, and did the same to the 2 couples in the car, which by now had stopped to watch the show. Both the bikers and the occupants of the car started to applaud, and toot their bike and car horns. I figured I may as well as see the humor in the situation, right? Lastly, I turned towards the old biddy who was frowning at me from the house next door, probably wondering what this neighborhood was coming to. I gave her the deepest bow of all, saluted her, and then took off towards my house. Brian was propped against the back of my car, clutching his sides he was laughing so hard. I just stared at him, not knowing even where to start with the boy.
After watching him laugh for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only for a few seconds, I just smiled, and then walked towards the back door. As I walked away, I could hear Brian start in with another new round of laughter, probably from the expression on my face as I had walked up to him. I fished for my key, and went inside.
"Hmmmm. What to do, what to do," I wondered to myself. "I wonder just what would get that guy - MY guy, I hope - to stop laughing? Hmmmmm.... Suddenly, I had a thought, and began to put it into action.
After about 2 or 3 minutes, Brian opened the door. I was ready for him by the time he came in, waiting around the corner in the living room.
"Dude, I'm sooo ... sorry I was laughing, but ... if you could have ... seen yourself!" I heard him say, almost gasping for each breath, as he closed the door. "Once I knew ... you weren't hurt... But, man, with your butt ... up in the air ... and all those kids..."
His voice sounded so full of mirth that I was pretty sure he was about to have another laugh attack. I, however, had different plans in mind for the evening. You see, while he was still outside I had shucked all my clothes, and had worked myself hard in the process. Yup, ol' Joel was primed, and ready for some action! At that exact moment, Brian came around the corner, and saw me standing there, naked as the day I was born.
"Damn, boy! You don't waste ..."
You know, that's about all the words I remember Brian getting out right then. You see, that's about how long it took for me to cross over to him, and to plant on him the biggest, sexiest, horniest kiss I knew how to give. You know, it seems like it only took a matter of seconds for him to be out of his clothes as well! And then ...