TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR

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It had been a week. We sat there drinking our romance out of tall glasses in Spain. It was real romance...not sex. He said all that could wait. He wanted to get to know me for everything I was. He said the physical things could wait till later. Even as he said it though, I could feel the yearning in his body. The others were getting lost in translation. They were getting lost in Spanish culture, society and traditions. Amir and I were getting lost in one another.

I realized...as I got lost in Amir, I ended up finding myself.

"Where would you want to live...if you had anywhere in the world to go," I asked him.

The café was close to the port so we didn't need a guide like the others who had gone further out into the city. Kim had been looking for me to practice for the past couple of days, but I always ended up ditching her and Vince and Patience and Mya and all the rest of them.

He raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to be there?"

"Of course."
"Then I'd want to live back in the Philippines. My mom is from there. She tells me how beautiful it is all the time. I want to go there. I'm half black though and don't speak the language. I'm scared I won't fit in."

"Isn't that always a good thing?" I ask him.

He smiles. He is so confident in me, it seems like. He puts his hand on my knee and I'm so blown away by him. There is something about this man that has me thinking that I'm right back in high school on my first date always.

He feeds the straw into my mouth and I take a sip of the sangria. His eyes are brought down to me as I do that. I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world.

"I don't think I have to ask you that," He commented, "You are rich. You probably have everything in the world that you need."
He still thought I was rich. I had thought about telling him the truth about Patience and I. I thought it wouldn't hurt to tell someone about the Grove. The way he looked at me, it seemed like there could be nothing so pure in the world.

"I have to admit," I told him...but as I was about to tell him the truth I changed it and said, "My dreams aren't as cultured as yours. I'm not the deepest person in the world."
He lifted my head up, "You will be...soon."

He kissed me there...in the middle of the restaurant. No one would have expected it, seeing two MEN sitting here kissing. They hadn't looked at us funny since we walked into the bar. They thought we were just two men. They couldn't tell that either of us were even gay.

"I like you," I told him after the kiss was ended.

"I like you too, man," he explained, "That's why I just kissed you."

He didn't understand what I meant. I put my hand onto his. I had meant to tell him that I loved him. It was way too soon though.

"No...I mean, you are so handsome...a little too handsome. You are one of those guys that it should be impossible to have a whole conversation. Where is your narcissism?"

He wasn't self-absorbed. Hell, when I looked into his eyes right now, the only thing I could see was my reflection as he stared at me with such interest. Who was this guy?

"People don't need that. That is too simple for people to do. It's easy to be egotistical...vain...and conceited. It takes a lot more work to be humble. I like complexity."

"I wish I could be like you...you're so free," I told him, "You just think...no...you feel...and act on what you're feeling. No hesitations at all."

I worshipped his free mind. The reason we were here even now was because of Amir. We both had things to do. He had to study and I had to rehearse for the Guys and Dolls Auditions that were coming up soon. He had dragged me out here almost against my will. He'd shown up at my door and I couldn't say no to him.

I knew he was going to steal my heart. I was in danger...

"What is stopping you from just flying away?" Amir asked me, his slanted eyes darting through me, "You can fly away with me."

"I don't have wings," I joked around.

He laughed. He always found me somewhat entertaining to him. He reached across the table and put his hand on mine. God...the lady to our left had noticed and was watching, but Amir didn't care. I'd never met anyone who didn't care the way he didn't care. It was almost as though she wasn't there. He didn't hear her make some unknown comment in Spanish and then call for the waiter to bring her a check in annoyance that we were being gay around her.

"Yes, you do...all angels have wings," he replied to me.

That was what Amir thought of me. He thought I was an angel...not capable of doing any wrong. I was afraid that maybe he was wrong though. He didn't even know who I really was. He didn't understand the life I was really living. I was just another one of Patience's dolls.

After another hour of that, we went back to the boat to beat curfew. That night we watched the sunset in the sky from our secret deck on the boat. It was beautiful.

He walked up behind me and his arms encircled me. I could feel his piece against my pants. I could feel his hard chest against my shoulder blades. I could feel his sweet lips as he kissed me on my neck.

"Where have you been all my life?" he asked me.

"I was about to ask the same thing to you," I replied.

Amir had a smell to him. It was a very distinct smell. I knew it wasn't cologne. When I had been to his room, it had the same smell. It was the smell of cinnamon spice. I asked him if he knew what that was about, but he had no idea. It was strong and yet sweet smell. It was a masculine subtle smell that really said, "Sexy boy."

"I've been waiting for you," he told me with his same sexy swagger, "You probably didn't believe me when I told you before, but I am here for you. You don't need Patience anymore."

For a moment I was beginning to think that he was right. It did feel so good being in his arms like this. I was getting comfortable...a little too comfortable.

"This is different from Patience, but I'll admit it, you got nice game."
He let go of me. I could tell almost immediately that I had insulted him. I watched as he made this uncomfortable expression with his face. I could see how he struggled to make it. Amir's handsome face wasn't meant to look uncomfortable.

"Why'd you say that?" he asked.

"The thing about Patience or you having nice game," I asked right back.

He looked real uncomfortable. Shit...I regretted it almost immediately. I had a big mouth. Here we were under the stars, after just watching the sunset. It was supposed to the perfect end to a perfect day, after a perfect week. Why the hell did I have to open my mouth and mess this up?

"Both," he told me, and kept his expression as he told me, "You don't have to be like that."

"Like what?"

I had asked, but I knew what I was doing. I was doing it on purpose. I'd hoped he wouldn't have noticed, but it hadn't been the first time I'd done it in the past week. He'd brought up Patience several other times and I'd done the same thing.

"You keep blowing off the fact that she has you like this," he explained, "You keep trying to make excuses. You don't need that girl. Let her go. She's your sister, not your slavemaster. You say that I'm spitting game when I tell you that? I'm saying it for your own good."

"Hard to tell."

Damn...here I was doing it again. I could have just apologized and got the moment back, but I knew he would just corner me back into doing something about Patience...something I didn't know I could do.

"What do you mean?" he'd asked me.

It was too late to turn back.

"You `spit' game a lot," I explained to him, trying my best to talk in the same slang that he used so he could understand, "I mean I hear what you're saying, but it's hard to tell if you are saying the truth or just flirting. After all those girls you just flirted with to get into their panties...you know...I'm just..."

"Do you think that's what I am doing with you?" he asked me.

Damn...he'd seemed insulted before, but now he was just a little bit mad. His slanted eyes even got more slanted. They seemed so shocked that I had said what I said to him. His mouth was left slightly ajar so that his lips were left in this "O" shape. I had really surprised him with my comment.

"Uh..."

Before I could answer, he put up his hand.

"I'm going to let you go to sleep and think about that," he explained to me, "I don't want this to turn into our first fight, but next time you think about what you say before you start throwing around accusations. Nothing I've said to you is a game. I never treated you like one of those girls so please stop acting like you are just another one of them."

"I'm sorry," I told him.

Amir nodded. At first I thought it was just to blow me off because he was so upset, but it wasn't. He reached over to pull me into him and I knew he had accepted my apology.

"I know you're scared," he told me, "But you have to start considering things. You have to start considering life. You aren't happy with what Patience is doing to you. It's time to let her know."
"I'll...think about it.

That was all I could think about saying.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah...tomorrow."

The next day had come way too fast. I'd gotten out of calculus only to realize that Patience was up to something. I knew because Mia and Wednesday were eating lunch by themselves. Patience was no where to be found. She wasn't anywhere to be found for a while. I walked up to them and joined them at the lunch table.

Ethan and Vince were out doing weightlifting. It was crazy that I knew their schedule, but it was hard for anyone in the Dollhouse not to know where everyone else was. It was always we had.

"Chauncey...long time," Wednesday said.

I waved at her, but then I happened to see Jr. and Pony walk by. They were walking with a whole bunch of other guys. I ended up waving at them too. I wanted to know how it felt like...to just be one of the guys. I wanted to know how it felt like to be able to burp in public and not say excuse me.

It was hard being a gentleman. It was hard being in the Dollhouse. Hell, I actually would have rather go sit with them then be stuck here...but I had a feeling that I was going to get a mouthful from the two and figured I might as well get it all over with.

"You wave at the `Help' now?" Mia asked me with this sassy little attitude.

"I could stand corrected, but wasn't there a time that you wanted to date the Help?" I had asked her right in return.

She looked away. I could tell she was embarrassed. I didn't want to use it against her. Hell, I actually liked the fact that Mia was different and she wanted to try something new even if it was MY Amir. However, I hated hypocrites and it was exactly what she was.

"Speaking of Amir...I've heard you two are getting pretty close," Wednesdays suggested.

Mia raised her head up and looked back at me. All of a sudden she was interested again. Damn it. We had spent a lot of time away from the ship, but I knew word had to be going around fast that him and I were acting a little bit more than just friends normally acted.

"In what way?"

"We like to stay out of the rumors," Mia explained, "It is just an away for the lower class citizens to think they are anywhere near equal to us. However...I've heard the rumors too."

I was getting frustrated, "What rumors?"

Wednesday looked at me with these piercing kind, "The worse kind. I've made sure that Patience hasn't heard them yet...but I suggest we need to shut them down before she does...we need to think of something."
Wednesday...thinking? I never thought I would actually see the day. I looked over at Mia. She gave me the same look as Wednesday as she lifted her blonde hair into a business woman bun.

"Are the rumors about me being gay?" I asked them both.

They just stared at me. We'd rarely used the word. In the land of perfection, gay seemed to be the ultimate sin. It was already so unbecoming in regular society that it was almost unheard of among the Dollhouse.

Wednesday was about to enter, but Mia was smarter then Wednesday was. She saw where I was going with this. She stopped Wednesday from talking and looked into my eyes.

"Rumors are just rumors," she told me, "They are meant to break the structure. Patience has taught us that structure is everything. Structure is stability and stability is the only way to live. Once you add something to a painting, even if it is very small, it can destroy the painting forever."

She had put emphasis on `destroy'. I tried not to look at her, but it was hard. She had looked at me with these knowing eyes.

"I don't have an appetite anymore," I told her.

I got up off the table and walked away. Who the hell was she to give me advice about life? I didn't get it. Mia had to have been jealous. She had to have been real pissed off about how close Amir and I had really gotten.

I walked until I couldn't walk anymore. I just wanted to be alone. `It' had come just as I suspected it to come. People were looking at me more as I walked back. A random girl would spot me, open her mouth whisper something to her friend, who would then look at me, then the two would go giggling off. I'd become...talked about.

There was no where on this ship to really be alone. The private deck was one, but it was all the way on the other side of the ship. I was on the side of the ship and just kind of felt like being isolated. People were everywhere though. Everywhere I turned...more whispers...more rumors...

That is when I heard it.

It was from a random guy. He had walked by and said, "Isn't that the fag?"

He hadn't been talking to me, but he had said it in a tone that I was sure to hear. I thought about saying something back, but it was pointless...he didn't know me. I felt like if it wasn't personal, then why should it matter.

Why did I feel like it was personal though?
How come my heart was pacing in the way it was?

"Ey..."

I turned to the left to see Desmond. He had this smirk on his face. Desmond was tall guy with these real dark features. He just looked ordinary. He was the type of guy that needed an outstanding personality or else he would have seemed to fade into everyone else.

I knew I didn't want to see him. I just had a feeling.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked.

We were standing outside of engine room. There was a little outlet store on this part of the boat that caused a lot of students to come down here to restock on little things that they might need for their room. I'd tried to find a corner to hide in, but he still happened to spot me somehow.

"Better then you," he said, with this destructive look all over him, "I knew you were no good the first day I met you. I saw how you were all of Amir. You know I saw you guys myself...all hugged up. Did you turn my boy gay?"

I huffed. I didn't have time to deal with this. I started to move away, "Listen I been dealing with this shit all day..."

He blocked my way. Desmond was taller then me but he was skinny, real skinny. In a fight I would be able to hold my own. It wasn't that I was scared of him, by any means. I just felt so out of energy. I loved being with Amir, but I wanted all the positives and I just didn't have time to deal with the negatives.

"See you can't even answer, I knew you were gay," he told me, stopping in front of me, "Son, don't you mind getting fucked in your butt. You probably like it...don't you."

"What the hell did you just say?"

"You heard what I said...you probably like getting fucked in your butt. You probably be screaming at Amir to do it harder!"

I took a step towards him in a threatening way. He took a step towards me too. Our chests bumped hard against each other as we faced off staring each other in the eyes as though we were ready to kill one another.

"Hey...hey...hey...break it up!" I heard someone say.

It was Jr. He had run over and gotten between us. Jr. was a little guy, but he still had strength because I was trying my best to stay where I was but he pushed me hard across the room.

"Watch yourself, bitch," Desmond said.

I couldn't believe he just called me that. He pounded his fist and walked away, trying to put on this whole tough boy act. I wasn't scared...but I was bothered. I was bothered by this entire thing.

"What the hell was that about?" Jr. asked.

I didn't have time to deal with this. Why did it have to be so hard to be with someone? I was getting it from all sides!

"Where's Amir?"

"He went on this tour of this Spanish church or some shit for his art and architecture," Jr. explained.

"Fuck. When I fucking need him!"

"What?" Jr. explained, "He'll be back bro, you can talk to me. Is Desmond fucking around? I don't know what his problem is. Don't pay him any mind. I know I was being rude and ignorant about you two, but I support you. Kim and Pony heard about it...they support you too. You have support. And its not like anyone has proof. Neither of you admitted it..."
"God...it was his idea to be like this," I explained, "He wanted to be all open. Now where the hell is he? I bet people aren't really coming at him with all this bullshit...are they?"

"No...but only because he's been more social since he's got here. They know him and like him. He won't get that shitty attitude from people. Your sister and your friends sit all high and mighty like they are above everyone else. People just want an excuse to start...fucking with them. They will use you to get to them."

"I'm not like them..."

I don't know who I was trying to convince. I had kept saying I wasn't like Patience, Ethan and the others, but how was everyone else supposed to know that?

"I know. That's why I'm here for you. I'm here for you and Amir. I mean, for real, I didn't believe in being gay all like that, but you two changed my mind."

I didn't believe him, "How?"

"I've known Amir even before this ship started. He never was a slut. He didn't sleep with that many girls, but he did date a lot. No girl got him as excited as you have...I promise you. I support him. I support your relationship with him."

"Is that why you squirm whenever we say or do something that people in a relationship should do anyway?"
He looked down. I could tell that he didn't have an excuse for that. That is when it really hit me that no matter what people say, actions was the only thing that mattered. He was saying all this stuff about support, but where the hell was he at?

When it was clear he wasn't going to answer me, I spoke up instead.

"Where the hell is Amir? Take me to him," I had demanded.

The way I demanded him made me think about Patience. Damn...I hated sounding like her. I hated it but I was getting pissed. I needed Amir. I felt safe when I was with him, but now I just felt insecure. I felt real insecure about this whole entire chemistry we had going. He had asked me out...officially I was his boyfriend, but I don't know if I felt like that or not.

"I can't bro," Jr. said and put his hands up as though giving up, "I wish I could but I don't know exactly where he went. I know Amir. He would be here for you if he could. He really cares about you. That is real talk..."

I walked away.

A part of me knew that Jr. was just trying to help, but it was so hard to listen to him when he couldn't answer a simple question.

Being gay was disgusting to them. It was something that they wouldn't understand. It was crazy because these were students from colleges around the world. They were supposed to be our best and brightest "independent" young thinkers...yet the one thing so many of them had in common is there dislike for homosexuality.

I'd gone back to my room and wasted the day away waiting for Amir to call. I thought about studying but I couldn't focus. It had been so long since I'd picked up a book. I had no idea what was going on in my economics class and I'd been avoiding Kim so I had no idea how my voice was sounding.

I had never been like this and as I sat in my room I began to panic.

What if I lose everything?

What if this gay relationship really made me lose everything?
I'd always thought about flying away. I always thought about escaping from the dollhouse, but I didn't think I would really be able to do it. Not now at least. I still wanted my life. I still wanted my dreams. I didn't want to be made fun of just walking around.

I wanted to be perfect...again.

I found myself standing at Vince's door before I knew it. I hadn't talked to him for the longest time. Amir didn't say anything against me talking to Vince, but I knew what Vince wanted. He wanted that secret relationship between us. He wanted to be hidden. I would still get the same amount of love anyway right? I just wouldn't have been trying to hide everything.

I stood there for a moment hesitating before I knocked. I was scared. The fear was anger and I was thinking now if maybe it was misplaced. Should I have really been mad at Amir? Should I have really been so mad that I was knocking at someone's door that obviously wanted to be with me?
I turned around, but then all of a sudden the door opened.

"Chauncey, hey Chauncey," he told me, "Where you going?"

Vince. Damn...Vince. I definitely hadn't seen him in a while. I'd forgotten how handsome he was. He had this huge, dominating frame that seemed to just say protection all over it.

"Oh...I just wanted to talk," my voice spoke before my brain could think the words, "I've just been kind of upset lately. I thought maybe I could talk to you...like we used to do."
"I was on my way out to the gym..."

"It's fine," I told him.

Thank god...maybe it was a mistake to be here with him. Maybe some angel out there was really watching over my dumb ass for being so stupid.

Then again, maybe it was the fact that Vince worked out twice a day, everyday like his life depended on it.

"Maybe you can come with me?"

I nodded. I couldn't believe I was agreeing to it.

We'd gone to the gym. It was the first time I'd been to the gym. I was surprised that Ethan wasn't in there. He was the only one I knew that went to the gym more than Vince. It must have run in the family or something...I don't know. Ethan went to the gym so much that he probably should have just stayed there.

"You been quiet," he noticed, "What did you want to talk about?"

I told him all about it then as we ran together on the treadmill. He listened silently as I told him about my new relationship with Amir. I had forgotten how he really felt about me. I thought we were still just good friends for the moment. I didn't understand how I could just have slipped. I told him about how I wanted to be open. I told him about Mia, Wednesday and Desmond.

By the time I was done telling him, I'd stopped running and sat on the side of the treadmill. He came down off the treadmill and sat beside me.

He handed me a towel and spoke, "You have to stop leading this boy on, before he gets too attached. Even worse...before YOU get too attached."

Everyone was busy in the gym. I knew no one was paying attention. That was the thing about Vince. He was always very discreet.

"I care about him Vince. I need you to understand that."

"I'm sure you do," he told me, "But it's not enough. This is your life we are talking about. Look at all you have. Don't you want to help your mother out? Remember I heard that tape. I know your situation. Don't you want to help your mother out of the ghetto?"

Damn...he was saying words that almost seemed to penetrate me. It was almost like he knew exactly what to say. I didn't `want' to help my mother. I `needed' to help my mother. She was sick with cancer. Her life was going away. The ghetto was no place for her to spend her last years...if they were her last years. Even if there was a hope of saving her, I would need the money. I would need the career. She would need me to be successful.

We went from the treadmills to lifting weights. I spotted him and watched as he piled on the weights. He probably had twice his weight on there...probably more. Damn...I could never lift that much in my dreams!

Vince continued as he raised the bar and lowered it with grace, power and control, "He doesn't really care about you if he is expecting you to give it all up so that you can just have another affair. Yep. That's what it is. Just an affair. I'm telling you, Chauncey. He is a playboy. You give it all up for him because you are a loving person. Then you'll have nothing and he'll move on to the next victim. Guys like him get off on it."

I didn't think that about Amir like that.

"He's not like that."

"Are you sure," Vince explained, "You know what Patience says. She says to make all your decisions like your putting your life on it. Are you willing to put your life on the fact that you aren't just another one of his groupies?"

I didn't think that way but his words were getting to me more then I thought they would. Thoughts kept running in my head. I thought for a moment that maybe he was right. I would just have to listen to Patience for a while longer. I would get a career, I would get a life through Patience. Then I didn't have to listen to her anymore. I could do what I wanted.

However...I realized what I wanted...I may have already had.

"I can't leave him."

I hadn't come here to listen to him downgrade Amir like this. He was downgrading something that I finally felt was right...yet I wasn't stopping him. I could have stopped him. I could have told him off, but I didn't. Why?

"You wouldn't have to worry about all that with me," Vince told me as he drew closer to me, "I'm discreet. I can hold my passion. I can love you while he can just like you a lot. No one will have to know. You can have real love and still have your dreams and your life."

Why was I standing here listening to him? Why did his words keep running in my head long after he'd stopped talking? I couldn't...I cared about Amir...

"I have to go."

"See...you don't say no," he told me as I walked away, "You just walk away, but you don't say no. It'll happen. You and me will happen. You just keep putting it off in denial."

I did walk away. New and old were butting heads. My new life and my old life were clashing. I felt this heavy confusion and I just kept thinking about what Vince kept saying to me.

I'd gone to look for Amir once more. Jr. had called my room and said everyone from his class had just got back on the boat and were headed back to their rooms. I was surprised that Amir hadn't called me so I decided to go looking for him. I headed to the lower corridors.

There were still stares...there were still giggles.

I couldn't stand it.

When I got to the lower corridors, I saw him standing there. His room was near the corner and I spotted him before I got to the corner. He was talking to a girl...she was pretty. She had long flowing hair that stopped to her butt. She wasn't black or white for that matter. She wasn't Asian. She had to be Spanish or maybe Middle-Eastern. She was real pretty...one of the prettiest girls that I'd seen. She probably could have given Wednesday a run for her money...even though their looks were very different. Wednesday's look was very make up, surgery and glamour. This girl had a natural look. Wednesday of course was prettier, but I could only imagine how she would look if she had the money that Wednesday had.

I watched as he smiled at her and she smiled back. It bothered me...it really did. Were they...were they flirting? I couldn't tell. Amir did seem entranced by her. He seemed so enthralled by her.

"Pretty huh?" I heard a voice say from behind me.

I turned to see Kim standing there. She crossed her arms. I wasn't too hyped to see her especially since I'd avoided her calls for almost the entire week.

"Who is she?"

"It was his girlfriend...before he came to the boat," Kim explained and crossed her arms, "Is what they say about you and Amir true?"

"Yeah it is."

It was no point in denying it anymore, not to Kim anyway. She just never rubbed me as a hater. She'd always been very supportive.

Kim smiled, "Now at least I know why he turned me down. Well I'd keep an eye on her then. She was flown out here to join this University. I don't know who arranged for that. It was weird. That girl...Tosha...you know her right? They sent her home for whatever reason and then flew this girl out here to replace her. I don't know why."

"Patience..."

"Huh?" Kim asked, looking confused.

This all had to do with Patience. I couldn't explain myself to Kim at the moment, but my anger started to bubble up. Patience said she was going to cover up how Tosha disappeared. She did somehow cover it up. Patience still had something planned for this boy and I didn't know what it was. Why would she bring his old girlfriend out here?

"Let's go introduce ourselves," I told Kim.

We did just that. I could feel the anger all over me as we walked out from around the corner. This girl couldn't be good news if Patience had something to do with her. I had to tell Amir immediately.

As I walked out from around the corner I saw them hugging. They were hugging really tight and close. It was the way that Amir hugged me.

I felt immediately jealousy and suspicion all over my body.

"Hey," Kim explained reaching her hand out to the girl, "Nice to meet you, I'm Kim..."

"I'm Felicia," the girl replied shaking her hand with this wide smile.

The girl's smile remained where it was. There was something underneath that smile though. There was something so sneaky about it. I watched as Amir focused on me as I came into his attention. It was nice to know he wasn't completely consumed by her.

There was silence after Felicia was done shaking Kim's hand. I wasn't going to introduce myself to this girl. She was trouble. I knew she was.

"This is Chauncey," Amir had said to Felicia.

"Nice to meet you Chauncey," she offered her hand to shake mine.

It hurt me to reach over and shake hers. She was trouble. I didn't know how but she was already his old girlfriend. As soon as I was done shaking her hand I turned away from her. She had that wide smile on. She seemed real friendly. Under different circumstances I probably would have immediately taken to her.

"Um...so Felicia, why don't you show me where your room is?" Kim offered, "Maybe we can have an old fashioned girls' slumber party or something."

I wanted to thank Kim as she walked away with Felicia. I didn't trust Felicia at all and just wanted time to talk to Amir about it.

Amir noticed how I stared at him and she smiled and laughed as he dragged me into his room. As soon as he got into his room he started to kiss me from my neck and then my mouth. His kisses were so sweet. They tasted like caramel.

"Baby...what's wrong?" he finally asked.

I wasn't kissing back. I was kind of just standing there like a brick.

"You don't think it would have been important to tell me who she was?" I asked, my jealousy all of a sudden kicking in again.

"I thought it would have been important to show you that I missed you," he argued, pulling me into him for a tight hug, "I mean...she's Felicia. There's not much more to say."

"You know her."

He was silent for a minute. I could see the hesitation in his eyes. What the hell was all this about?

"Yeah, I used to date her," he explained, "She was my longest girlfriend actually. Remember I told you I had that dream about you...she was the girl I was dating at the time. I...broke up with her for this...for you...even before knowing who you were."

It sounded so sweet.

I grabbed him up and we hugged. His embrace was so different from the type that I was used to feeling. It was gentle but yet strong. I loved how he felt.

"I'm sorry," I said, letting my defenses go for a minute, "I just got a bad feeling about her. I mean...she just appeared out of no where. What are the chances that out of every lottery that went to every college that someone you used to date came from it."

"Well all you're old friends are here."

"We fixed that. You know it. I think Patience is up to something...she's after you."

"Patience can do whatever she wants. As long as I have you, there's nothing she can do to really harm me."