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Chapter 12

The Mirrored Kingdom

I woke up from my nap. Days had passed so quickly. I had come back from the gym and after a warm shower (even if it was in the public showers), my body was soothed enough to fall right asleep. Amir hadn't come back when I had fallen asleep, but I was sure he was going to be there when I woke up an hour or two later. Sleep had become different since I'd started sleeping with Amir. I wasn't having bad dreams. I didn't have to count sheep or all that crap anymore. I slept throughout the night and it really felt like I was floating on clouds. I was floating on Amir and everything seemed perfect.

He wasn't there though.

I felt a panic as soon as I noticed he wasn't there. I'd been having good sleep but during the day time I worried. I worried about what Patience was going to do. I had directly disobeyed her like no one in the Dollhouse had done before.

As I looked around I just noticed roses all over.

There was music playing. The smooth old serenade of R. Kelly's "Greatest Sex" poured over me and I was left in ecstacy.

The roses petals were scattered all over Amir's small twin bed that we shared. They were scattered all over me. I didn't have anything on. Damn...had I been that worn out that I didn't even realize I was undressed?

"Hey baby..."

Amir had been behind a closet door. He was hanging his clothes up. He was standing there in the middle of the bedroom. His underwear clutched onto his small waist and muscular track legs. He had black and white Calvin Klein underwear on that made his little tight butt seem to stick out like a bubble.

"What's going on?" I ask him.

I can't help but to have this excited grin on my face though. It was hard not to grin I couldn't move my leg even slightly without scattering the thick pile of rose petals.

"You don't even know do you baby?"

"Know what?"

"Today was the first day that we met a month ago," he said, all of a sudden seeming a little down, "You really didn't know? Damn I'm NEVER the sensitive one in the relationship...guess you really got me tripping..."

Fuck...I hadn't known. The days were seeming to merge into one another since I've been with Amir. We slept during the days. We made love all night. We had no schedule...we had no discipline...no control. We just loved, plain and simple.

"I'm sorry, damn I really am."

I was a certified dickhead.

He shrugged it off and smiled, "It's cool...just don't do it again! Or I'll have to teach you a lesson."

He went for my neck, attacking it with a wet, long and tickling tongue. His tongue drove me wild sometimes. He knew it did. He knew my body so well. It was almost like he molded me himself. Amir was the perfect lover. He knew exactly what spot to touch...what area to kiss...what things to lick...

As soon as he was done licking me, he had a bottle champagne in my face. It was almost like a magic trick or something. He pulled it out of no where with two flutes.

"Where the hell did you get liquor?"

"In Spain. The drinking age here is like 16 or some crazy shit," he stated and laughed.

"You did all this for me?"

I took a look around. He had red satin over the lamp causing the room to seem a little dim. Everything in the room was set. The petals, the music, the lights, his sexy ass body with these tight underwear on. God... I was in heaven.

"My mother's Filipino...she taught me how to treat someone you love," he explained and smiled as he got up off the bed.

He opened the closet once again and this time he came out with this big ass tray. I knew I couldn't have been asleep for that long...how is this possible?

He opened the trey.

"It's called Rellenong Manok. Thank Kim when you see her. She helped me make it. I wanted you to come into my world a little bit. It's Filipino Cuisine. However, you know I'm half black, so I had to add some watermelons with cream."

"You cook too?" I asked and picked up a fork, "I died and I've gone to heaven."

Half of the tray had something that looked like chicken. It wasn't the same chicken that I'd seen before. The slit showed that it was stuffed. Celery, eggs and carrots were spilling out from it in this appetizing way. A red sauce came out on the side. Like he had said he had watermelon on the side.

He grabbed the fork in an aggressive yet humorous way, "Ay, son! What the hell you think you doing? You forgot it was our anniversary. You don't get to feed yourself punk."

I laughed as he cut up a piece of the chicken and fed it to me in this sensual way. He swirled the fork around in my mouth and as soon as he took the fork out, I felt his tongue swirling around in my mouth.

It would have disgusting with food in my mouth...but this was Amir. Nothing he could do could ever be disgusting.

"You don't wear the stone I got you," I told him.

"I keep it tucked away," he explained and laughed again, "You know since I'm the sensitive one! Anyway...I like to protect what I care about, which is why I still think we should cut this whole thing short and take Peter's offer."

He was still talking about Peter's offer.

"I can't..."

"I know we are moving fast," Amir explained to me, "I may not be thinking with my head. I may be thinking with everything else...but I am not worried about moving fast. I know what I want."

"It's not that..."

"What is it?" he asked, holding back the fork as though interrogating me to speak. The food was actually delicious.

"Sure we can transfer back to school," I explained to him, "I just need to somehow get through to my sister though. I don't just want to disappear. I want her to be in my life...just not the way she is now. I want to help her...not just for my sake, but for my mother's."

It was the first time I'd admitted it, but I did care about Patience.

I didn't know if changing her was worth it...even if it was possible

"I don't want to end up going to jail cause that girl did something to you," Amir said with this seriousness that I'd never seen from anyone...period.

"I'm her brother. Patience is a scheming little liar, but she is also very matriarchal. She will pull something, there is no doubt...but she isn't without morals. She has a standard. I just need to find a way to reach her. I need to make her see that messing with people's lives is wrong."

"I hope you're right."

I did too. I hoped with everything I had.

We had class together. I loved Fridays because I had class with Amir. It was like I couldn't get enough of being around him. Kim was in the class which made it great too, however so was Vince.

Peter wasn't our drama professor anymore. The entire play had been cancelled. We'd been replaced by a high school or something like that.

There was this tall boring man on the front of the class.

He didn't teach much. He put on a movie and went right on his laptop as though that was all there is. The government wasn't paying these special professors six digits for them to put on "Gone with the Wind" then act like we didn't exist. What was the point of actually being in this class? Wasn't this higher learning...it felt more like busy work?
"He keeps looking over at you," Amir told me.

I didn't know what he was talking about until I turned around to the other side of the class and saw Vince.

I ignored Vince's stares. He was a lie. He was a Patience's toy and that was all he was ever going to be. He couldn't even show his attraction to me without her damn permission. He knew she knew about me being gay this entire time and he made up that whole lie about the tape. It didn't matter if she heard the tape! She ALWAYS knew I was gay!

He was staring at me and he didn't seem at all bothered that Kim and Amir had noticed. His eyes were on me as though I was some kind of target.

"God, he's creepy," Kim added, "Amir...you sure that's the guy that you fought? His arms are huge. He looks like he should be a damn professional wrestler for the WWE or something."

Vince had gotten bigger. His muscles were showing even through a polo shirt. He might as well have been wearing a damn muscle shirt.

"I'll fight him again if he doesn't stop staring at my boyfriend like that," Amir stated, with this powerful stare back at Vince.

"God...I can't get over the fact that you guys are together," she stated.

They all felt that way. I wasn't surprised. No one would have suspected us as a couple by how we looked. It was 2008 though, masculinity meant nothing anymore...

"I'm about to snap..." Amir stated.

"Why...he's just staring?" I replied.

"He's an asshole," Amir stated and sounded like he did the day he was in the room, "He said I was in the hole and trying to drag you down with me. Why would I do that? I care about you...I wouldn't be with you if I couldn't take care of you..."

It was clear he was getting real upset. Kim patted him on his back. She was always the good support in my new group of friends.

"Fuck him. He' s just a pompous rich boy," she said.

"Why would you not be with me if you can't take care of me?" I asked, "I didn't ask you to take care of me. I can take care of myself. I want to be with you...period."

A couple kids had turned around, a little annoyed we were talking during the movie. I didn't care though. His comment slightly bothered me.

"I'm a man...you don't understand."

"So am I."

"You know what I mean though," Amir said, "I know you're a dude...but I'm not going to change the way I am because you are one. I don't like people saying I can't take care of the person I'm with. That is what he did."

He'd made me upset. I knew he didn't mean to but I felt almost like...property. I felt like I was just something sort of bone for him and Amir to bite over.

"He's my friend, he's trying to look out for me," I add.

"Are you defending what he said?" Amir asked. His face wrinkled up.

God...I knew it was our first serious argument about to bubble over and for a moment I thought about just holding back, but I knew he wasn't going to back down. Amir was upset...he was real upset.

"Guys, calm down. What does it matter what Vince said?" Kim asked.

"Kim, you're cool, but let me and Chauncey handle this. Now, Chauncey...I need to know something," Amir stated, hushing Kim in his anger.

He wasn't looking at me. He always looked at me. I knew he had to be somewhat upset about something. I couldn't put my hand on it.

I tried to sound calm and sincere as I looked over at him, "I'll tell you anything you want."

"Did you have sex with him?" he asked me.

"Vince isn't even gay," Kim stated.

"Kim let him answer the question," Amir said, hissing at how nosy she was being, "Did you have sex with Vince?"

I paused.

"No...not exactly."

He got up and walked out of the room

"Amir!" I called back.

Damn...I knew it would upset him. Hell, Amir seemed real sensitive about the whole Vince thing. I still remembered the night that Vince and I were about to do something. We didn't though. I stopped him.

A lot of the class was looking over at me...including Vince. Damn, this was embarrassing. I was going to walk out when Kim pulled me back.

"I have to go after him," I explained.

"I know...but I had to tell you something," she explained, "It's something about Felicia. I think you were right about that girl. She's been so weird. She says she's sick a lot. She always seems to...disappear."

I barely heard the words she was saying.

"I can't deal with this now, I have to go after Amir," I told her.

I got up out of my seat again and walked out of the class. I knew he was pissed. I watched Vince as I walked out. He had a smirk on his face.

It was almost like he knew...he knew what staring at me was going to do...it would just spark Amir's anger and cause us to argue.

I blew it off...Vince wasn't a schemer like that...was he?

Amir hadn't gotten far. He had crossed his arms down the hallway and seemed as though he was waiting for me. He looked really upset. Hell, I didn't blame him. I would be upset with myself.

I grabbed him up, "Amir...what was that about?"

"Ok," he said as soon as he saw me, "I may be getting dramatic and I know...but you knew he was gay didn't you. How long did you hide that from me?"

"I wasn't trying to hide it."

"That isn't hiding? How do you define hiding? You knew I would be upset about him being gay...I knew he liked you. You denied it..."

He was right. I did hide it... still...

"Why does he matter?" I asked, stealing Kim's argument on the matter, "You know how I feel about you. He knows how I feel about you. We almost had sex a while ago and I turned him down. That was the end of that."

"You know why it matters..."

He was quiet. Amir always had this tough boy exterior. Even though his skin was flawless and he should have been on the cover of GQ, he always had this edge about him. He wore his pants underneath his butt and his boxers always showed when he walked. He had a whole swagger boy limp to his walk.

He was always so cool and calm...but not now. Now he was upset and it felt weird knowing I had that power over him.

"I don't care about money," I explained to him, "It doesn't mean a thing to me."

"Money rules the world," he replied, almost as though not hearing me, "That is why you've been listening to Patience this whole time. Vince has money that I don't have. I can't...I can't even try to compete."

He walked away again, but this time I didn't chase after him.

It was a personal thing and I don't think it really had anything to do with me. Vince was an asshole for saying the things he said to Amir. It was all his fault really.

I wanted to rip his head off when the class was dismissed and he came walking out, staring at me with the same knowing smirk that he always carried. He walked right over to me and stood in my face. I wanted to hit him so badly.

"What your little man couldn't take the heat between us?" he whispered in my ear, making sure he was low enough for no one to hear.

"Is that it? You are going to whisper things like that to me?" I asked.

"Chauncey, keep your voice down."

He was embarrassed as people started to walk by, going to and fro from class. I was so mad...I wouldn't let these people come in and hurt what Amir and I were trying to build. It was something...deeper then they could think.

"No..."

"What you are mad at me because of that piece of nothing?" he asked me with this pissed off look, "Amir had nothing on me. You know it and I know it. He'll never accomplish anything in his life."

"He's accomplished making me love him."

"He's confused you," Vince explained and leaned in to say, "You know what me and you are. You know what we've always been."

I couldn't believe him. He got Patience's permission and all of a sudden he had the confidence of a thousand bulls. All of a sudden he had the audacity to stand in my ear and whisper things like that.

"If you really care about me, then scream it out."

"What?"

"Scream it out. Amir would do it. Tell everyone like he would."

He started to laugh as though I was stating a joke the entire time. He looked and me and I stared right back at him with the exact same intensity. I wasn't going to back down from Vince. As long as I had Amir...everything would be fine.

"These are childish things you talk about," he told me looking down on me like I was a little kid, "You are better than that Chauncey. You can stick with the losers...but losers never win. The dollhouse is undefeated."

He walked away as he said that.

He did look down on me like I was a child.

"You shouldn't let him bother you," Kim said.

I hadn't watched her walk up to me from the side. Supportive Kim. She was always there when you needed her.

"It feels like they won't stop until they get their way. I just thought Vince was different."

It hurt. He'd been my best friend for years and all of a sudden I'm finding out that he's the same as the rest of them.

"Why don't we do something fun...just me and you? It'll take your mind off of this bullshit."

I followed her but I didn't think anything could take my mind off of Vince. I was happy with Amir. I was really happy and it just seemed like Patience was fucking with us and she was just using Vince to do it.

Whoever said true love was easy?

We went off the ship that day. I was real surprised she hadn't called Pony or anyone else to come with us. Kim and I hadn't really hung around each other since Peter left the school and canceled the play.

Almost as soon as I we got off the ship we heard a voice. It was one of the most annoying voices I'd heard in a while. It was high pitched and happy.

Felicia came running down the docks, with her purse waving behind her. She was a very pretty girl. She was pretty in a humble way too. Her long hair waved behind her like a Spanish flag. She was dressed as though it was winter.

"God...great," I complained, "I don't need this now."

Kim laughed, "Be nice..."

I moaned and grunted. They just thought it was natural that I would feel some type of way about her coming along. She was his ex girlfriend, but then Amir was always the player...wasn't he? He always had a couple girlfriends. Even Kim and him had something going once. So why did Felicia bother me so much?

It was just a feeling...but I knew it had to mean something.

"Hey guys...where are you guys going?" She asked.

She smiled. I forced a smile back. I did need to be nice to her. She hadn't done anything to me. She deserved at least respect.

"Going out to see Spain, you know?"

"What's up with all the clothes?" I asked.

"It's just...cold. I knew it would be out here. Can I join you?" she asked, "I don't really have any friends besides you guys...people aren't all that friendly anymore."

Kim shot me a look, almost telling me to offer. I know Kim felt bad for her. No one really did talk to Felicia. She was the new girl, she'd missed when everyone clicked up and she'd been left by herself...almost.

The words sneak through clutched teeth, "Sure."

The city of Marbella was beautiful. It had mountains in the range that I could see from the port. For a minute I completely forgot that I was with Felicia and marveled in the city atmosphere. It looked like a goddamn vacation spot. The beach ran up against the shore where all these hotels were.

The pleasantness looking at the city wasn't exactly how it was when you got out. People swarmed us as we walked through the city. The streets were so crowded for whatever reason. Heavy smells reached out at us from everywhere. The people were actually even ruder then in New York. They shoved meat in our faces asking us to buy. They shoved necklaces, hats, bags, fish and even live chickens in our face.

All of a sudden it started to rain. No...it started to really thunderclap. Almost like it was planned, people retreated away in the small buildings on the streets.

"What the hell was that?" Kim asked me, "Everyone just disappeared."

"Spanish weather," Felicia noted as we ran trying to find cover, "Its weird cause of these mountains."

"We should get the hell out of this rain too."

The sky which had been real bright and clear was now completely dark as though it had turned to nighttime. The heavy clouds became bright with lightning and kept sparking over and over. It looked dangerous, unlike any lightning that I'd ever seen.

It had become so overwhelming that Kim had grabbed onto my arm and then to my surprise Felicia grabbed onto my arm as well.

"We should head back for the boat," Kim suggested.

I looked around. There was no way we would be able to make it to the boat. We were already soaked.

"Over there!" I shouted.

It was a little shop in a little alley. The alley was dark but then so was everything else. They hesitated. I'd dealt with living in the Grove, which is one of the worst neighborhoods in America. I could deal with the back alleys of Marbella.

We walked into the shop. It was a dark room full of weird things. If we were still in Africa, I would think it was a voodoo shop. Silk hung from the ceilings and incense burned from every corner. I could feel Felicia clinging hard onto my arm as we saw a skeleton standing on a pedestal outside where an entrance was.

"Maybe we should leave," Felicia suggested.

"It's raining...the hell with that," I told her and kept walking forward, "Hello!"
No one answered. There were portraits of graves everywhere in the shop. We went to where the entrance to the next room was. They followed close behind me, clinging to me so hard that I had to shake the girls off.

"Be careful, Chauncey," Kim said, as she stood behind me, "We don't know who these people were."
I ignored her and kept walking. We walked through the dangling beads that lead to the next room. The smell of incense had gotten so strong that it was kind of hard to breath.

There was an old woman sitting there. Behind her was a shrine to the Virgin Mary or someone similar to the Virgin Mary.

I reached out my hand to her, "Hi...we were stuck in the rain and..."

The woman didn't even look up at me. Her eyes were the most beautiful shade of gray. They just stared out completely in the blankness as though I didn't exist. Her golden shawl was wrapped around her twice and she kept hold onto it as though she was cold.

"She's blind," Kim noticed.

"Que tiene usted?" the woman asked.

"And she doesn't speak English," I say and wrap cross my arms.

"Don't you speak Spanish Felicia?" Kim asked.

"Well...people from Spain have a different kind of Spanish," Felicia explained, "But I can try."

She started to speak to the woman in this fast tone that seemed like she was running a marathon with a mouth. The woman answered her back in a slow way. I could definitely tell the different in accents.

"She's a fortune teller," Felicia translated, "She says she's sorry to hear we got stuck in the rain. She says she'll read our cards for a price of 30 Euro...each."

Kim smiled at me, "Well see...something interesting finally."

"I don't know."
"Oh now you're scared," she teased and sat down, "Tell her I'll pay for everyone. That is...if Chauncey is brave enough to hear about it."

I never believed in this fortune telling crap. It just never made sense. I just shrugged my shoulders and sat down beside Kim however. Kim was excited, she paid the woman almost instantly. Felicia didn't sit, she just stood over us with this whole nervous thing going on. I could tell she didn't want to be here.

The woman still stared out blankly and started to shuffle a deck of cards that she had gotten from underneath her shawl. She was shuffling fast like she'd worked for Vegas or something. I looked over at Kim and we shared a small laugh at how fast she was going.

Then all of a sudden she threw the cards in the air.

"What the hell!" Felicia said, looking a little surprised.

She jumped back as though the woman had attacked her. The woman just sat there and three cards landed on the table face down almost like she had done it with magic. She DEFINITELY needed to apply for a job at Vegas.

"Relax, girl," I told her. She was so high strung for whatever reason. It seemed like her emotions were just going everywhere.

She had picked up the first card and turned it over and then pushed it over to Kim. The card was a card with a fish that a hook attached to its side. The woman started to speak, slowly and steadily and after a little while she stopped.

Felicia translated, "She says its called the Bait."

"How does she know which card it is?" Kim asked.

We both looked at Felicia and instead of asking she just shook her head, "I don't want to know...but she said the card means attention. Kim, you will be growing in life and will one day attain what she wants most. There are easy roads ahead for you as long as you keep away from the hook, in the end. You will however fail if you do not allow things to be what they are...what they are meant to be. You can't save the world."

I smiled at Kim, "In other words, stop being nosy."

She hit me back, "Yeah whatever...did you hear her...Hollywood...here I come!"

She smiled so wide that every tooth in her mouth could be seen. She was excited. It was almost like she really believed this stuff. I guess the thing was the point that it could have happened. She COULD have gotten what she wanted most in the world.

The woman flipped over the next card.

The picture on the card was the picture was a mirror. In the mirror was a kingdom with a tall tower in the center that had a star on the top of the tower. She pushed the card over to me.

This time instead of memorizing Felicia spoke at the same time as the old lady, "Chauncey your fate is unclear. One side of the spectrum there I love...happiness and faith. Faith is something necessary in your life. Like the biblical story of Job, everything has the possibility of being lost. That is not the problem. Your problem is faith. Unless you find faith in yourself and in those you love you will fall victim to the other side of your spectrum. The other side of your spectrum is...it, it is..."

The woman kept repeating a word, "Para Muerto...muerto...muerto."

Her old woman's voice seemed to fade away. She kept repeating the word, "Muerto..." As she said it, I chill almost came up to my spine as the woman touched my hand. I pulled my hand away and with the hand that she touched me she wiped her a tear from her eye.

I looked over at Felicia, "What does it mean? What does muerto mean?"

"You don't want to know."

Who the hell did this girl think she was to tell me what I wanted to know and what I didn't want to know?

"It means death," Kim replied, looking over at me, "La dia de los Muertos, the day of the dead. I watched a horror movie by that name once."

Death?

The woman pushed the card over me, "Para usted, mi nino."

"She wants you to have it," Felicia commented.

I took the card.

I didn't want it. I wanted to give it back. The word itself had caused me fear. What did it mean? A part of me wanted to ask her...or get Felicia to ask! Explain it! Explain what this card meant. Then again, I was afraid. The fear overwhelmed me most as I looked down at the card at the mirror and the kingdom in the mirror.

Kim grabbed my hand and held it tightly, "It's just bullshit..."

"La cachón de amor!"

I jumped up off my feet as the old woman climbed up on the table. The last card had been flipped over and the old woman had it in her hand. I thought she was going to strangle me, but then I realized she wasn't even going for me. She was going for Felicia.

The woman seemed upset. She seemed so angry. She attacked Felicia with this intense ferocity. If she was blind, how did she know where Felicia was.

She back Felicia in the corner of the room.

She was whispering something to her. Something a panicked Kim and I didn't even hear let alone try to understand from movie titles. Whatever it was that she had whispered to Felicia in Spanish caused Felicia to go crazy.

"NO! Liar!"

Felicia pushed the old woman as though the woman was 10X her size. The old woman fell in to Kim's arm. Felicia didn't even see if the old woman was alright before she ran out of the front door, into the rain.

"La cachón de amor! La cachón de amor! La cachón de amor!" the old woman called out.

The card that she was showing Felicia fell on the floor. The card was a picture of a woman's hand reaching for an apple, but the apple was behind bars.

We chased after her into the rain. It was raining harder then ever. It was so foggy outside. The fog drew in a deep exhaust into the air. It was so thick that it was almost unbelievable.

We did chase Felicia. We chased her all the way to the boat. I didn't know how she found her way to the boat in the heavy rain and fog, but she lead us there. She was crying when we got to her. She was hiding outside the boiler room of the huge ship. I guess she had gone there to get dry.

"Are you ok?" Kim asked.

I was worried about her too. Felicia looked like the woman had cut out her heart and thrown it at her. She looked frightened.

I bent down to touch her but I could she pulled away automatically.

"I'm fine," she said, straining even as she spoke.

She looked so angry...she looked so afraid. We stayed with her for about 20 minutes, before she decided that all she needed to do was lay down. She wouldn't tell us what the old woman had told her no matter how much we tried.

She believed the old woman. Whatever the old woman had said to her, she believed her.

The weird thing is, I believed the old woman too. I hated these stupid things. I never got into it, but the old woman had something about her that seemed to authentic.

I prayed I was wrong. I prayed I was so I wouldn't have to face whatever this "other side of the spectrum" was. I didn't want to know anything about death. I felt like the word itself seemed to carry a curse around with it.

Amir was asleep when I got back to his little room. He'd left the door open for me. As I lay down in the bed, I saw him wake up and he pulled me down with him. He wrapped his arm around me.

"Baby, I missed you."

I was glad he seemed to have calmed back since earlier, "I miss you too Amir."

He was sleepy. His words came out almost between rifts of trying to stay up, "Baby...I'm so sorry I did that. I was...I...I overreacted. I love you...no...nobody's going to change that. Aight baby?"

"Of course. Hey baby...you speak Spanish a little right?"

"A little. I grew up in Brooklyn."

"What does la cachón de amor mean?"

He paused for a minute. At first I thought he had gone to sleep. His breathing had gotten heavy. I laid down next to him and faced him. He was so beautiful. His breath was a warm cinnamon breeze against my nose, even at night time.

"Oh sorry baby," he said, his eyes raising up, "I fell asleep a little right there. Those words mean something like. The break of love...no...no the breaker of love. Yeah, I think that's it. The breaker of love."

Felicia's card was the breaker of love?

Why did that not sit too well with me? I watched my love go to sleep in front of my eyes with his warmth all over me. I was afraid. I was more terrified then afraid actually. That old woman really had us all someone what on edge.

Death? The breaker of love?

Something serious was coming. I didn't know what it was but it was something serious.

I didn't sleep well that night. Matter of fact...I didn't sleep for several nights after that.