Date: Sat, 05 May 2001 08:41:33 -0700
From: Rigor
Subject: Soul Mates

I've been working part-time for a month and a half in a hamburger
chain.  That's where I met Josh. He's a new crewmember. The first time I
saw him I was instantly attracted to him.  Later, I have realized that
all the girls working at the store are attracted to him as well.
Because of this, the other guys are envious.

Josh is 5'8" tall, he's 19, a year older than me.  Everybody agrees that
he's the local version of Brad Pitt.  His every move reminds you how
comfortable he is with his masculinity.  When we were introduced, I
could not look at him directly.  I'm afraid my eyes would betray my
feelings. I just said hello and went back to work.

Being a working student is really hard.  I am working not because my
family can't afford to send me to college but I have a rift with my
dad.   He wanted me to shift to another course but I have no plan of
letting him gain full control of my life.  So with a few hundred bucks
and some guts, I embraced independence.   But not totally.  It was me
and my mother's little secret.  She's paying for my tuition while I work
for additional allowance to pay for my room.

Days passed and I never saw Josh again.  His schedule is in the morning
while I work at night.  I thought it was good for me because I can't
imagine myself working effectively if he's around.  Funny but I started
to miss him. After a week, he's schedule changed.  He joins the evening
shift.  I have learned that during that semester, he's classes would be
in the morning.   Josh is a very happy person.  He always smiles and
greets everybody.  After a few weeks, everybody seems to like him.
Still we're not close.  But one time while we were having our break, he
sat beside me.  He asked me how I am and what course I am taking up.
During that small talk, we both realized that we share common interest
on so many things. It was then that I have known him better.  He's very
nice, down to earth and with a very good sense of humor.  Immediately I
felt comfortable with him.    After work, he asked me where I lived and
I told him. Then he said he's going to buy something from a store near
my place and if he could walk with me.  I live a few blocks from where
we work. I told him it's ok.

It was the happiest night for me.  While walking, we talk about so many
things.   He told me he wanted to work in a luxury ship and travel
around the world.  I shared with him my dream of leading a corporate
career.  That night we have agreed to become friends.

The following days are much brighter for me.  Our friendship grows as
well.  We ate together, sometimes sharing a bottle of coke during a
break.  For me, it's very intimate because we drink in the same
bottle.   But for Josh, it's just an ordinary thing.

One time a customer gave me a note and asks me to hand it to him.  I
did.    When he opened the letter, he told me that it's just another
love note from a stranger.   He made it sound like it's a regular thing
for him.  He probably gets more than one of that everyday.

Girls is not a problem for Josh, he could get one at any place using his
charm and wit.   I'm a witness how girls would come his way while were
strolling in the mall or introduced themselves while we were dining in a
restaurant.  There are several instances also where agents are coming
unto him and enticing him to be a model or an actor.  I told Josh how
lucky he was.  He said that he doesn't like to be a celebrity but he is
indeed lucky to have a friend like me.  I am touched.

Our co-workers started calling us 'the Twins'.  We're inseparable.  I
may not be as good looking as my friend, but I'm sure I am not far from
the looks department.  Our built is almost the same, the swimmer type
that's why I also have my share of admirers.

I know Josh see me as a brother.  He initiated in calling me 'bro'
rather than the typical buddy or pare.   He told me that I was like the
brother he never had.  Josh introduced me to his elder sister, his only
family.  I also introduced him to my Mom and Dad.  My parents instantly
like him and it was my Mom's idea that Josh may call him Mom if he
wished to.

Josh told me that behind his laughter and smiles, a painful memory hid
from within.
He lost his parents in a car accident when he was just a kid.  He could
hardly remember them.  His only consolation is his sister.  But now that
she's got her own family, he felt so all alone.  It was during that
moment that Josh and I made a pact.  We have agreed that we will be the
best of friends forever and nothing could change that.  I know I'm happy
to have him as my friend but there is this fear inside me because I also
know that I'm in love with this guy.

It was Josh's idea that I transfer to his place.  He is living by
himself in a house he inherited from his parents.  I did after he agreed
that we would split all the expenses. Every weekend we go to the grocery
and buy a weeks supply.  Were like kids playing, throwing everything we
want in the shopping cart and realizing how little we can afford.  But
we don't mind.  We're both happy being together.  During laundry days,
we usually throw suds against each other and point fingers who would
clean the mess.  At night we would watch our favorite debate program
together, choosing different side, and we always end up having a tickle
fight on the floor. .   I wish those days would never end.

School year is about to end.  I am busy with a project.  Actually it was
a joint project with a schoolmate.   Her name is Abby.  She's also a
good friend.  Abby is one person who knows who I really am.  When we
were freshmen she told me she got a crush on me.  I was flattered
because Abby is the nicest girl and one of the most popular in campus. I
told her I like her but we could only be friends.  I told her my secret
and she did not react negatively. Instead she even told me that it
doesn't matter and that she'd be happy to keep me as a friend.

Abby suggested that since I live nearer to the campus, we complete our
project in my place after class.   I'm sure Josh wouldn't mind so I
agreed.  I called the store and made an alibi that I am not feeling well
so I could not report for work that afternoon.

After class, Abby and I proceeded in Josh's house.  After a few hours,
we're almost done so Abby and I are being playful.  She put some paint
on my left cheek and not wanting to be outdone, I ran after her and
started coloring her face while she's trying so hard to cover her
face.   We were both laughing and screaming.  Abby was trying to push
her painted face right to me when the door opened.  It was Josh.

I said hello to him and introduced Abby.  He told me he thought I was
sick because I was absent at work and the manager told him.  I said it
was just an excuse because we we're trying to finish our project.  I can
sense that Josh was mad.  Maybe because of the mess we made to his
house.  He went straight to his room and after a minute he went out of
the house.  I tried to ask him where he is going but I never had the
chance.

Abby asked me if everything's ok and I told her that there's nothing
wrong.  I just told her that Josh probably didn't like the mess we've
created.  She offered to help me cleaning the place but I told her to
just clean herself and I will take her home.  That moment I still am
wondering where Josh is going.  After I brought Abby home, I started
cleaning.  It's almost dawn and Josh is not home yet.  I fell asleep on
the couch waiting.

When I awoke, I saw Josh's rubber shoes on the floor.  I didn't hear him
coming.  I went to his room but it's locked.  I decided not to disturb
him. I have a class that morning so I went straight to the bathroom. I
prepared some breakfast for both of us but I couldn't eat.
This is the first time this kind of thing happened to us.  I was so sad.

At school I could not concentrate.  I was thinking of Josh.  Abby
noticed. We went to the park and I told her about Josh, she listened
carefully.  Abby held my hand and gave me a hug.  I felt better now that
I was able to tell what's inside me.

After school, I went straight to work.  I was hoping to see Josh there
but the manager told me that Josh isn't working.  He called sick.  That
was the longest moment for me.  How I wish I could get home and talk to
him.

When I get home that night, Josh is about to leave.  I said hi to him
and he said a cold hello.  I started to say sorry when he cut me and
told me that he's going.  I told him I thought he was sick and he
answered back that I'm not the only one who could make use of that as an
alibi. What he said next surprised me. He told me that he's not
expecting me to clean the house but if I could at least keep it tidy.  I
said yes and he left.

In the kitchen, I saw the breakfast I have prepared earlier.  He never
touched it.  I couldn't help but cry while disposing it.  I thought Josh
and I are the best of friends and that nothing could come between our
friendship but I was wrong.  That night, I fell asleep crying.

Few days have passed and things aren't back to normal.   I tried my best
to talk to him but he always has an excuse. It was the lowest moment of
my life. He changed his working schedule to morning shift.  We hardly
saw each other.  I know he never wants me to be his friend anymore and
maybe he wants me to move out so I made up my mind.  I'll voluntarily
leave.  My mind is in haze.  I couldn't believe it would come to this.

It took me a few hours to pack my things.  It was so hard.  I decided to
wait for him to say goodbye and to thank him.  I waited for hours.  It
was past midnight when he gets home.  I mustered enough courage to break
the ice.

" Bro, can we talk?"

He looked at my bags and said,  "Why? Are you leaving?"

" I know that you are mad at me and this past few days, you have shown
me how much I have offended you.  I'm sorry pal."

" I see.  So why are you leaving?", he asked seriously.

I couldn't look at him directly because anytime, my tears will start to
fall.   "Well, I have noticed that for the past few days...  we no longer
talk.  It seems like your distancing yourself from me."

" That's not my problem.  I know you're busy with your new girl."

" You mean Abby? She's just a friend."

I can see how mad he is when he answered back

" A friend? I don't think so.  I saw you kissing her in this room.  You
should have told me you have a girl.  We're friends right?  But how come
you never told me?

"She is just a friend Josh.  I don't know why you're acting this way but
that night, we're not kissing.  I was trying to explain everything to
you but you don't want to listen."

He went to the fridge and opened a bottle of beer and spoke.

"Remember the day after that night.  I went to your school to say I'm
sorry for acting strangely.  But I saw you and your girl in the park.
What I saw is enough to convinced me that she's your girlfriend."

I started crying that time, " Josh, you know I will never lie to you.
I'm telling you Abby and I... we're just friends.  There's nothing going
on between us.  I can't love her.  I'm already in love with someone
else. "

He looked at me strangely... "What?... what do you mean?"

"Yes, I'm in love with someone else. Not Abby.  That day when you saw us
in the park, I told Abby how much I love that person.  The problem is I
don't know if the one I love loves me like I do."

He just stared at me. I knew there is no turning back.  I am leaving.
But I might as well tell him my feelings for him.

"Josh, there's something you should know.  Something I should have told
you long ago.  But I'm afraid you might get mad at me for lying.  But
now, I guess I'm ready to take the chance.  You ought to know."

"Know what...?"

I muster all my courage and with tears openly flowing from my eyes I
said to him,

" Josh, I never knew how painful it would be but nothing could change
the feelings I have.  The moment I saw you walked that store, I knew I
like you.  But when you showed me your world and accepted me... I can't
help but admire you more each day.  I have never known what love is
until you came into my life.  I love you Josh... not as a brother or as a
friend but I love you more than anything else."

I simply vow my head and wait for him to curse me.  I know it would come
to this and I'm sure I will lose him.  When he spoke, I saw his hands
covering his face.

"Bro... I don't know what to say.  I mean we've been friends for as long
as I can remember and you hide this from me. "

"I....I'm sorry pal..."

"Sorry?  Don't you have any idea how much this means to me? "

I looked at him in amazement and he faced me.  He is crying as well.

"My life is nothing without you.  If you're going to leave now, I have
no use for it.  You're my only happiness.  Can't you understand?  I am
so fuckin' jealous when I saw you and Abby.  If you love me more than
anything else.... then... I love you more than love itself."

We looked at each other and hugged.  Then it happened... he kissed me.  It
was the sweetest moment of my life.  I kissed him back.  It was
perfect.  I couldn't believe I am kissing the guy of my dreams, the one
I love so much.  All my fears and all the pains were cast aside.  We
spent that night not as friends or brothers but lovers.  I was trembling
when he took off my clothes.  I did the same to him and we were in
bliss.  It was full of love and emotion.  A dream realized. We renewed
our pact...him and me forever.


Epilogue:

That was seven years ago.  Josh is now working in a luxury ship and has
traveled the world.  Me, I am inching my way up in the corporate ladder.
I missed him so much but he never failed to write or call me.  He always
sends me picture.  He usually takes his vacation once a year but at the
end of this year he will stay here for good.  He said he was able to
accomplish his ambition and now it's time for him to fulfill his dream
and that is to spend the rest of his life with me.