Date: Thu, 8 Dec 2005 10:48:01 -0500 From: Anakin7384@yahoo.com Subject: Straight Intoxication Chapter 1 Hey everybody!!! This is my first time writing a story and most of this story is actually true... It happened to me approx. 1 month go. Let me know what you think Anakin7384@yahoo.com. Thanks and enjoy. Straight Intoxication "Hey!" So there he is in all his glory, Andres Anthony Gomez in his little fraternity jersey and a pair of jeans. His light brown hair and brown eyes along with his athletic well defined body made a perfect combination. "Hey there Alex!" he responded. And here I am with my dark brown hair and hazel eyes in my fraternity jersey and black dress pants. I'm 21 years old and he's also 21, him only 3 months older. I secretly loved him but yet I knew there wouldn't be anything between us because he's straight. But gosh I couldn't get him off my mind. Not after the night I told him I liked him. I wrote him a letter confessing everything I have ever felt for him. From the day I met him until now. Andy, Hey Mr. Cool Guy what's up? How's everything going? Hopefully good. Well you're probably wondering why I'm writing a letter towards you. And why I couldn't tell you this in person but you'll understand why once you're done. Okay so here it goes. Andy, when I first met you was the day of first degree. I never went to any of the events to be an MC and so I never really met anyone until then. That was three years ago. Wow long time...fuck I could've graduated by now. Sorry back to topic. I met you along with all the other crazy people that now I call brothers. After getting to know you and everyone else I really felt like family. Then one day you told the chapter how homophobic you were and how Maria and I changed all that. I saw you change that day into not only my brother but my best friend. Then a year went on, pass the Beta class and into the Gamma class, and I realized something that I knew before but always turned away from it due to fear. I was afraid that after 2 yrs of friendship you could change and it could be over after reading this letter. And I'm really hoping it doesn't. Andy, every time I'm around you I feel safe. You make me feel like nothing can harm me because you're there, because you're my shield. I feel as if the world would crumble today you'd be there to say, "Its okay. I got your back and we'll work this out." Gosh this is harder than I thought. Andy, I like you and I don't know when this happened or if it's just a phase but it happened. Not recently though, before you went to Madison. The day I realized it I thought `forget it because it'll never happen.' Okay, now it's out in the open. Look Andy I don't want this to affect our friendship in any way. I know that you'll never feel the same for me but I just think that you deserve to know what I feel. I really couldn't hold it in any more. Each day that slipped by I thought about you and I tired to push the feelings away but they came back. I understand if things get weird between us but I really hope it doesn't come to that point. All I ask is of one more favor. Don't tell a soul about this and if you have to tell someone... talk to a mirror. Now do you see why this had to be typed and not said? I would have never gotten the courage to face you and tell you the truth. So there you go. Take it or leave it. If you don't want to talk about it it's cool. Just let me know you read this. Alex P.S. I tried to write this in a manly way...Grrr. A few days passed and nothing but hellos were said. `Did he read it?' I asked myself. I needed to find out. One week later I decided to ask him and after practice I did. "Hey!" "Hey there Alex" Gosh he looked hot I thought. "Did you ever get to read the letter?" Those lips. "Yeah" "Oh okay" Well that wasn't the response I hoped for yet its better then him- "I just didn't know how to tell you that I did though." "Oh it's okay" "But everything's cool between us so don't worry" "I know" And that was it... I asked him... Now what? Something's still missing though. There's just something strange about the way he just said everything. I need to know more, but not today. Enough has been said today. The next night I decided to go online and he was on... no surprise that video game junkie. `Now's the chance' I thought. ALEX007: Hey jerk face I want to ask you something so when ever Mr. busy man is available let me know Andy7384: I'm available! ALEX007: oh now you are? Andy7384: does that work? Andy7384: lol ALEX007: what nobody over? Andy7384: nope Andy7384: all by myself ALEX007: ('All by myself' by celine Dion in background) Andy7384: always ALEX007: oh shut up Andy7384: lol ALEX007: okay two things and their both different subjects... Andy7384: alright ALEX007: how come you were afraid to tell me you read it? Andy7384: cuz I didn't want anything to change, and I didn't want you to think that I was acting different because I don't think I am ALEX007: yeah I took the risk though... things have changed though... even if we don't notice them Andy7384: I didn't want that to happen Andy7384: to be totally honest I cried when I read it ALEX007: really? ALEX007: why? Andy7384: I cried because that was one of the most beautiful things anyone's ever told me, and I never thought that I had that kind of affect on anyone Andy7384: it was truly beautiful Andy7384: I never thought you felt like that, but I was so happy that you thought of me as you shield Andy7384: and imp glad that you know that if the world ended tomorrow that I would have your back ALEX007: there's more to it but I didn't want to freak you out or anything... and there's no point in telling you everything because I know this won't go nowhere for obvious reason(ur st8, lol) but yeah you mean a lot to me Andy7384: if I could clone myself for you I would Alex Andy7384: and in a way that I cant explain, I feel bad about not being able to return the feelings you have for me Andy7384: but I do love you, and I care about you so much ALEX007: I mean if you ever want to turn gay you know I'll support you all the way lol ALEX007: j/k Andy7384: lol Andy7384:I'm'm sorry I didn't tell you I read it sooner, I had this whole big speech planned too ALEX007: what were you going to say? Andy7384: pretty much what I told you just now, but with more tears ALEX007: :'( Andy7384: :'( ALEX007: I just had to let you know Andy... and I don't know why but everything inside of me said just do it... and so I did it Andy7384: I'm glad you did it. it shook me up inside, but I'm glad you did it. I know I'll never feel the same way you do, and I'm sorry for that. but I will ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what ALEX007: and I understand that... fuck Andy why can't there be a gay Andy somewhere...lol Andy7384: lol Andy7384: you'll find someone Andy7384: and I hope they make you happy, or else I'll have to kick some ass ALEX007: :) ALEX007: I was so scared of giving it to you that night... when I handed it to you what did you think? Andy7384: I thought you were going to tell me off or something Andy7384: I get those letters every now and then Andy7384: so I was like great Andy7384: but then I started reading it and... It was strange... it was like my heart I don't know kind of melted... ALEX007: :-\ Andy7384: it wasn't bad though Andy7384: I felt really good after I read it ALEX007: so are you crying now? Andy7384: I was tearing a little Andy7384: are you ok? ALEX007: :-) Pansy... I'll live... Andy I've never spoken to anyone like I'm speaking to you today... and yea it hurts so bad but I know that if I don't speak about it now and just get it out of my system, It's going to hurt more later... and yea I cried Andy7384: I'm not a pansy lol Andy7384: and I feel the same way Andy7384: can I do something tomorrow Andy7384: can I give you a hug? ALEX007: yea... of course... you could give me a hug whenever you want... you never have to ask me Andy7384: good Andy7384: cuz I was going to anyway ALEX007: :-) ALEX007: I sometimes regret giving you that letter... I mean... I don't know what I mean... but... gosh... I don't regret it anymore ALEX007: *tear Andy7384: good Andy7384: I don't want you to ever regret it ALEX007: but you're going to have to hug me when nobody's around just incase tears start to swell up...we still got to act manly...lol Andy7384: lol fine Andy7384: but don't be afraid ok? ALEX007: afraid of what? Andy7384: to hug me ALEX007: Andy hugging you is the last thing I'm afraid of... there's other things I'm afraid of than that Andy7384: well I'm glad to hear hugging me is not one of them ALEX007: Wow this is pretty hard ALEX007: you know I never would have thought we would've talked like this Andy7384: I know, but its good that we are ALEX007: yeah ALEX007: IM makes it a lot easier than in person Andy7384: but its also not as, I don't know real? ALEX007: yeah I know... but we're never alone anymore to talk about things like this... and we're always in a hurry to do something for band... or I have to go home... maybe if I was to take you home one day we could've talked about it but now that we said most of the things we've wanted to say... at least some of the things Andy7384: yeah, I'm just really glad were talking about it ALEX007: me too ALEX007: I've been dieing to talk to you though ALEX007: dying* Andy7384: I miss talking to you ALEX007: when did we get like this Andy Andy7384: I don't know... Andy7384: it seems like everyone has just drifted apart ALEX007: yea and it suxs... can I tell you something and hopefully you won't jump... Andy7384: lol, I wont jump, tell me ALEX007: I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the letter... everyday you've been on my mind... not every minute... and the only thing I've been wanting to do is kiss you but I know that it won't happen so don't worry I'm not asking for it... but since we are letting it all out there you go Andy7384: I didn't jump ALEX007: :) ALEX007: funny Andy7384: well its true Andy7384: I don't scare easily ALEX007: So anything else we need to get out? Andy7384: I think that about covers the first subject ALEX007: yeah and the second subject doesn't exist...it was a back up just in case I couldn't get anything out :) Andy7384: lol Andy7384: well it's good that we didn't need it ALEX007: yeah ... so you okay? Andy7384: yes, I'm fine. Are you? ALEX007: yea Andy7384: good, I'm glad to hear it ALEX007: :-) Andy7384: :-) ALEX007: So just let me know when you want that hug tomorrow... if anything... if it gets late I could just take you home tomorrow after the meeting if you'd like...we'll see Andy7384: yeah, we'll see ALEX007: alright then I'm off to bed... I'll see you tomorrow... Anything else? Andy7384: just have a great night ALEX007: After talking to you... of course... good night Andy7384: goodnight Alex I had dreams that night of pure passion... stories that I know will never happen. Yet there was this one dream that stood out. I was in a room and he was standing in front of me staring into my eyes and behind him there was a door. "Alex just ask me!" he said. He then walked out the door and I woke up. Today's the day.