It was raining and I'd decided to take a walk after lunch.
You see, I loved walking in the rain. I thought it was romantic, and can only
hope that I would have someone enjoying the walk with me one day.
For now, I was walking alone, the rain coming down softly on
me bringing back lots of old memories. I'd asked myself why I still loved
Andy, why I did not give myself one more chance to love again, why I gave up
every chance I had. I didn't know the answer until one day I talked with
"Roy, why do you have so many girlfriends?"
"But it's not true love."
"I am still young and this way, I'd have more
opportunities to find the right one."
"Brother, maybe you should give yourself a chance to
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"You know exactly what I am referring to."
"Roy, I don't want to talk about this."
"Why can't you forget that jerk?"
"I've told you hundreds of times that he's not a
"Then why you don't give yourself another
"I...I don't know..."
"Brother, it's precisely because you can't have him
that you always miss him, and think that you love him the most. But maybe if
you guys got together, who knows, you'd break up after a short time. Face the
reality, Tin. We always want most the things that are unattainable, it's human
nature. You'd always miss him because of that..and maybe only because of
Upon hearing that, I could not stop myself from crying. Roy
moved beside me and hugged me tight. "Sorry brother, I...I didn't mean to
make you cry. I'm sorry, please forgive me."
Roy, maybe you are right but I couldn't forget Andy, I don't
know how to. If I could turn back the hands of time and, given the chance, I'd
still choose to fall in love with Andy. I've no regrets. Not now, not in the
future, not ever.
The raindrops were getting bigger and the rain was coming
down harder on me. I decided to head back before I catch a cold.
When I reached my house, I could hear the phone inside so I
closed the door and ran into the kitchen to pick up the phone.
"Hello," I said.
"Hey, Tin. It's me, Amy."
"Hi, Amy. How are you?"
"I am good. Joe and I want to invite you for dinner
with us tonight."
"You're not trying to introduce someone to me this
"No! We have something very important to tell you. Joe
said he doesn't want to tell you through the phone. So come to Joe's tonight,
"You are cooking?"
"Then I better eat something before coming over."
"Just joking, Amy. I will arrive about 6, ok?"
"Yeah, fine to me. See you at 6 then."
"Yeah, 6. Bye, Amy."
I hung up the phone and looked out the window. It was still
raining. I don't know why but I found myself walking out to the garden and
sitting down on my swing again. The swing was wet but I didn't care. As I
looked at the sky, the raindrops fell on my face. I could almost feel it
soaking through my body, the water seeping deep down to my heart, filling me
up, drowning me with misery. Suddenly the dam burst and my tears fell in
tandem with the rain. Maybe I wanted to cry with the sky, at least I had a
companion in that. And so I sat there for a long time...
Someone's voice jolted me out of my reverie. Someone was
yelling my name. I didn't turn around to response, I just kept looking up at
the sky. Then I felt somebody pulling my left arm. I looked at him.
"Hi? You said hi? What are you doing out here?" He
was kind of angry.
I didn't answer his question. Instead, I looked up the sky.
"You know what? Today is August 7th."
"Brother, are you ok? Please don't scare me." He
was starting to worry.
"That day, it was raining too."
"What day? What are you talking about, Tin?"
"Roy, you don't understand me."
It was raining quite heavily by then so Roy decided to bring
me back into the house. As I was reluctant to leave the swing, he carried me
in. Both of us were soaked to the skin. He brought me to the bathroom and
turned on the water. In a short time, the bathtub was filled with hot water.
He quickly took off my clothes and put me in the tub. Then he took his clothes
off and went in too.
I was so cold that my body kept shaking so Roy used his body
to keep me warm. I knew then why Roy had so many girlfriends. He was a very
caring person. We'd never talked about our relationship before, we avoided
mentioning it. But both of us knew that what we had was strong, and we didn't
want to complicate matters beyond that. That was the only time Roy showed his
true feelings to me. He looked at me and sobbed, hugging me tightly...
About 5:45, I left for Joe's. Roy had wanted to drive me
there but I insisted that I was fine and could take care of myself. He gave in
reluctantly but not after cautioning me to be careful and to take it easy.
The sky was still raining when I arrived at Joe's at 5:55
and pushed the doorbell. After a few seconds, Joe came to open the door. I
walked in and gave him a hug.
"Hi, buddy," I said.
"Are you ok, Tin? Your face is so pale."
"I am fine. Just a little bit tired."
We walked into the kitchen where Amy was busy cooking.
"Hi, Amy. How are you?" I gave her a hug too.
"I am good. Sit down, dinner in 10 minutes."
Joe and I sat down and Amy gave me a cup of hot tea. I took
a sip and asked, "Why did you invite me to dinner tonight? I think Amy
said you have something important to tell me."
"Well, I'd like to leave that til later. Not now, but
after dinner. Is it ok?"
"Yeah, sure," I replied.
Then we fell silent. I hated the silence, because I could
feel that Joe wanted to ask me something but could not bring himself to. And I
knew what kind of things he wanted to ask.
"Tin, Roy called me before you arrived."
I didn't answer him. I picked up my cup and took a sip of
"And he told me what happened this afternoon," Joe
I put down my cup. I didn't want to face Joe. I just looked
at the tea and my reflection in it.
"It's already 3 years now, Tin." Yeah, he left me
3 years ago, August 7th.
"Joe, you are different from the others. You understand
me, so please don't tell me the same things I've been hearing from those other
"But I don't want to see you hurt yourself, Tin."
"I thought you'd understand..."
"Yeah, I understand but..." Joe sighed, "you
are running away again."
"Sor..sorry, Joe." I started to cry again, I
couldn't control my tears. "I..I didn't mean to run away. I just..just..I.."
Joe walked beside me and hugged me. "Shh...that's ok.
That's ok, buddy. Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry." Then he turned
around and yelled, "Amy!"
Amy noticed that I was crying so she pushed Joe away and
hugged me. "Hey, Tin, don't cry. Everything is ok. Shh..go to the
washroom and wash your face. Took a deep breath."
Amy's voice could always calm me down. I took a deep breath.
"Yeah, everything is fine." Amy let go of me and I walked to the
I cleaned myself up, using the cold water to wash my face. I
took another deep breath and tried to compose myself. I looked in the mirror.
My face was so white that I had to take another deep breath to steady myself
before walking out of the washroom. I headed back to the kitchen and
apologized to Joe and Amy.
The dinner was very good and I felt much better after that.
Amy kept talking to me, making jokes or saying anything to keep me occupied
and distracted. I drank a lot too and felt kind of dizzy.
After dinner, Joe told me that Amy and him were getting
married at the end of the year. I was so happy for them. I hugged them and
congratulated them. About 9, I decided to head back home. Amy and Joe wouldn't
let me drive, they wanted to call Roy to pick me up.
"Or I could give you a ride," Joe gave me another
"No, I am fine," I insisted.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Amy went to open the door.
After few seconds, she walked back to the living room with someone. I saw
those beautiful eyes again. They were shining with an iridescent sparkle.
"Hi, Scott," I said.
"Hi, Tin. Happy to see you again."
"Yeah, me too."
"Why you are here, Scott?" Joe asked.
"Hey, you said you'd lend me your digital camera."
"Oh! I've totally forgotten about that. Wait a
sec." Then Joe ran upstairs to get the camera.
"Want anything to drink? Coffee or tea?" Amy asked
"Tea is fine," Scott said.
Scott sat down beside me as Amy went to the kitchen.
We didn't say anything, just like the first time we met.
After a few minutes, Joe was back in the living room with the camera. Then Amy
came in with a cup of tea for Scott. They chatted some, but I wasn't paying
attention. My head was so dizzy so I sat on the sofa to rest. After 10 minutes
or so, Scott said he needed to go. Amy asked, "Scott, can you give Tin a
ride? He's drunk."
"Sure," Scott said.
I was too dizzy to say anything so Joe carried me into
Scott's car. Amy gave me a plastic bag and said, "If you want to puke, do
it in the bag."
Joe told Scott where I lived, then Scott pulled the car on
the road. I must have passed out then...
Scott's point of view
The first time I met Tin, I thought he's very cute. We
didn't talk too much then.
I've never been in love before and I've never told anyone
that I was gay. But one day when I was working in the office, Joe found me
with a gay porn movie. I was so embarrassed but he didn't tell anyone. He
didn't mind too. So we became good friends. Then one night, Joe's girlfriend
dragged me out of my house. They were going clubbing and wanted me to come
along. That was the first time I met Tin. I didn't have any feelings for him
then, I only thought that he's very cute.
The second time I saw Tin was in Joe's home. He was drunk
and Amy asked me to give him a ride...
He fell asleep in my car. He looked so peaceful when he
slept. I tried to keep my eyes on the road but it was so hard. I kept turning
my head to look at him. His face was so red and he was as cute as I
remembered, maybe even more so. My heart was beating very fast and I'd never
had that kind of feeling before.
I looked at him. He was talking in his sleep. He looked so
pained as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. I didn't wake him up, I don't
know why. Instead, I parked my car at the side of the road and looked at him.
I don't know what came over me then. I just felt that I had to protect him. I
wanted to protect him..forever. I felt myself moving toward him and then my
lips were on his. He's still asleep so I kissed him harder. I felt so guilty
for kissing him yet so high at the same time. He tasted so sweet...
When I reached his home, I carried him out as he was still
asleep. I tried waking him up but he just kept on sleeping. It was quite hard
carrying him but I made it to his door and pushed the doorbell.
When his brother opened the door, I reluctantly gave him to
his brother. I had a strange sensation then, I didn't want to give him to
anyone. I wanted him with me...
As I walked back to my car, I touched my lips. I could still
feel his lips upon mine.