Joe and Amy's wedding was drawing near. It was
the middle of December and the whole city was covered by snow. I loved snow, I
thought it was so romantic. And I especially loved drinking my Chinese tea
sitting beside the window watching the snow fall from the sky.
One day when I was sleeping, I woke up to the
sound of my doorbell ringing. I looked at the time. Roy would have already
left for school and Scott would have just left. It was probably Scott, who had
forgotten his key again. Since I slept naked and I thought it was Scott, I
didn't bother to dress. Clutching the blanket around me, I went to answer the
When I opened the door, I couldn't believe who
was standing in front of me.
"Ed!" I jumped up and hugged him.
"Woah! Woah! Calm down, boy!" Ed said as he
wrapped his arms around my waist.
I enjoyed the feeling of my arms around his
warm body, but the feeling of his hand on my bare bum was something new. Bare
bum? Of course, I realized too late that nothing was holding up my blanket
which had promptly slid down and was now lying in a heap on the floor. The
realization hit us both at the same time...
"Ahhh!" we shouted at the same time as we let
each other go.
I quickly ran up the stairs to my room. I think
I must have blushed all the way down to my toes! I put on my underwear which
was lying beside the bed, and looked around for some clothes to wear. I
spotted Scott's jersey and hastily put that on. It's too big for me and almost
reached down to my knees. When I walked down, Ed was still standing at the
door. When he saw me again, his face was very red. I think my face was too.
"Hey, come in, why are you still standing
there?" I said.
We walked toward the kitchen and I made coffee
for him. As I put down the coffee for him, I told him that I needed to take a
shower first and it would only take a few minutes. I apologized and went
upstairs for a quick shower. When I returned, Ed was nowhere to be seen, so I
walked into the living room. He was looking at the picture on the fireplace.
As I walked toward him, he smiled as he noticed that I was back.
"Hey, who's this?" he asked.
"My stepbrother," I answered.
"Wow! Your brother is very handsome!"
"Hey, I'm warning you..don't touch my brother!
He's straight," I said.
He laughed and picked up another picture. "And
"Oh, this is my boyfriend. I mentioned him in
my emails, don't you remember?"
"Wow! Your boyfriend is very big."
"Yeah, how did you know that?"
"Huh?" Then he realized what I'd said and
blushed. "Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. That was not what I meant!"
The look on Ed's face was precious. I was
rolling with laughter and Ed soon started grinning as he saw the hilarious
situation. After we'd calmed down, we walked to my room so that I could show
him more of Scott's pictures. When he was sitting on my bed looking the
pictures, I walked toward the balcony and picked up Bouncer. Part of the
balcony was already covered by snow.
I heard Ed saying something. "...I am happy for
you. You have a great boyfriend. I was worried that when Andy comes, you'll
not be able to handle it..."
Bouncer felt me stiffening and jumped out of my
embrace as I stood there frozen. Ed was still talking but I didn't hear a
word. Andy is coming? Then I remembered my conversation with Roy the morning
after Scott first drove me home. I was recovering from my hangover after
getting drunk the night before...
"Sorry, this will never happen again. Now,
aspirins, please?" I said.
"Is it because you felt something? I know you
have sixth sense. Did you sense something different? Like someone is going to
come back or that kind of thing?" Roy asked.
"Roy, I don't have sixth sense. You've been
watching too many movies."
"Then why are you act so strangely...
I realized only then that Roy had been trying
to tell me that Andy would soon be back. Also, if Andy had not wanted to come,
then his name would not have been on Amy's wedding attendance list! I was so
stupid, why didn't I see that then?
I was holding the banisters of the balcony very
tightly. I thought that by now, I'd gotten over Andy and that he could not
affect on me but I was wrong. I couldn't control myself when I heard that he
"Tin, are you ok?"
I didn't turn around as I didn't want Ed to see
my face. I knew that I was was very pale. Nevertheless, he grabbed my left arm
and pulled me to face him.
"Tin, are you ok?" Ed was very worried.
'Yeah, I am fine."
"Then why you are crying?"
I used my hand to touch my cheek and they were
cold and wet. I hadn't realized that I was silently crying, I didn't know when
my tears started. Ed pulled me into his embrace.
"Sorry Tin, I didn't mean to make you upset."
I left his embrace and smiled to him. "I will
be fine," I assured him but Ed didn't say anything, he only sighed.
I thought that I would be fine with Scott
That night, the four of us, Ed, Roy, Scott and
I, had dinner in my home. Scott brought Ego over so Bouncer ran and hid in my
room. I was cooking and the others were talking in the living room. Suddenly,
I felt someone hugging me from behind.
"Need any help, sweetie?" Scott asked.
"Wow, you scared me, Scott."
"Sorry." Then he kissed the back of my neck.
"That's ok. What you guys talking about so
"Ed is telling stories of your childhood."
"Huh?" I tried to run out the kitchen but Scott
caught my hand. He pulled me into his embrace and kissed me.
"Hmm...sweetie, you are so sweet," he said.
"Thanks for the compliment but that won't stop
me. I am going to kick Ed's ass and you better help me, seeing that you're my
"No, the stories are fun. You were so cute.
Anyway, Roy and Ed are having a good time so don't disturb them now."
"Huh? I told him not to touch my brother."
"Tin, relax. You are so tense today. Are you
ok? Why you are so worked up today?"
I sighed, "I am fine, really."
But Scott looked at my eyes and said, "You are
"Not now, Scott. I will tell you tonight, ok?"
The dinner was good. Ed kept recounting our
stories of our childhood but my mind was not following the conversation. I was
miles away thinking of other things. After dinner, Ed said he needed to go so
I asked Scott to drive him back as I had something I wanted to ask Roy. When
both of us were sitting in the kitchen drinking our tea, I started the
"Roy, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah sure. I think I know what you're going to
"You finally dumped all your girlfriends?"
"Why?" I probed.
"Because I realized that I am gay, brother."
"Are you sure?"
"Okay..." I said.
"And I thought Ed is very nice. He asked me out
I didn't know what to say to that, so I decided
to tell him, "Roy, I am happy for you."
"Brother, you are so corny!"
I laughed and walked beside him, then I gave
him a hug.
That night when Scott came back and both of us
were on the bed naked...
"So do you think Ed is interested in my
brother?" I asked Scott.
"What?" I asked.
"Scott, you can say anything, I will not
"Ok, you said it. Now you can't get angry at
"Yeah yeah, so say what you wanted to say."
"I only know Roy for a short period of time but
I know that he likes you..." He paused.
"Scott, I told you that you can say anything.
"Ok, I think that Roy loves you but he's not
really gay. His problem is that he has deep feelings for you."
"I know that."
So I told Scott what happened in August when
Roy showered with me.
"Ok, and I also think that Ed is still in love
"No way!" I replied.
"You should notice how he looks at you every
I sighed and asked, "Do you think I am a bad
"Why do you say that?" Scott asked.
"I've made so many people unhappy, and if these
guys have never met me, they may have already found happiness in their lives."
"No! This is not your fault!" Scott hugged me.
"For one, I am so lucky to have you."
"I am lucky to have you too," I said.
"I think Roy saw a shadow of you in Ed and Ed
also saw a shadow of you in Roy. I think they are in the same situation and
understand how each other feels, so..."
"I understand what you are getting at now," I
"That's just my feelings on the matter. It may
not be true."
"No, I think you may be right."
"Ok, enough about Ed and Roy. Tell me why you
are not happy today."
"Ed told me that Andy is coming to Amy's
I could felt Scott tensing up suddenly. I just
hugged him tighter to let him know that I was there for him.
"Tin, if you ever want to get back with Andy,
that's fine to me."
"Scott, that's sweet of you but that remark
will only make me angry."
"Sorry, Tin. I shouldn't have doubted you."
"Then love me more, I may forgive you," I
"No problem..." Scott smiled.
Then we kissed. I loved to suck his lower lips.
After few minutes, we stopped to gather our breaths again. I could sense the
wheels still turning in Scott's mind so I waited for his questions to
continue. It was not long before he decided to say something.
"Can I ask you something, Tin?" Scott started.
"Why you didn't accept Ed in the past? He was
very good to you."
"Because every time when I looked at him, I
would think about Andy. They look so similar. Ed would only end up being a
substitute for Andy if he were to stay with me, and that'll be unfair to him.
I can't do that to Ed. And though I was alone and wanted someone beside me, I
can't be selfish. I've to think about Ed's feelings too."
"I understand now."
"Ok, enough talk. I think it's time for bed
now," I changed the subject.
"Huh? So early, it's only 10:30. Why don't
we..." Scott started but I cut him off.
"You horny..." but I also didn't have the
chance to finish. Scott's lips were already on mine as we melted in each
The next day when I woke up, Scott had already
left to work. Ego and Bouncer were both asleep at the end of the bed.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! When did you guys get in
Ego opened one eye, took a bored look at me and
prompted returned to sleep. I sighed and went for my shower. As I came out,
the phone rang. I picked it up and heard Scott at the other end.
"Tin, I have some bad news."
"What?" I was getting worried.
"My boss wants me to fly to New York today.
Something really big is happening."
"Huh? When will you be getting back?" I asked.
"Next Friday..." he answered.
"Huh? Then...that means you will miss Joe and
"Yeah," he sighed, "I don't want to leave but I
don't have a choice. I've already informed Joe and I'm at the airport now. My
plane will be leaving in 15 minutes."
"Ok..." What could I say?
"Don't feel sad. I will call you every day. And
I will try to get back as soon as possible."
I sighed, "Ok, do what you have to do. I will
be fine. I..love you, Scott."
"I love you too. I need to go now, sorry about
that. Bye, my love."
"Bye..." I said.
That afternoon I took Ego for a walk with
Bouncer snuggled warmly inside my baggy clothes. Sometimes, I think that I was
their slave. I was feeling down, I didn't think that I could face Andy alone.
I felt so scared because I knew that Scott would not be beside me when I saw
I reached a crossroad and I stopped to decide
which road to take. Then I saw a man on the other side of the road walking
toward me. He was carrying a big bag on his back and he was wearing a
soldier's uniform. I gasped as my instincts prompted me to turn around and
walk away but my body refused to listen. My legs were frozen as I stood rooted
to the spot at the crossroad.
As the soldier reached the edge of the road, he
started to noticed me. We were standing on the sidewalk across each other,
staring hard at the other. I had feelings of disaster as my mind finally
registered that the man whom I was scared of seeing again was finally standing
in front of me.