As sweet music filled the air, I could feel its magical
effect surrounding me, its touch bringing back more memories as it enveloped me
with the warmth of a love which I only now realized had taken root as long as
6 years ago. It was as if a curtain had been raised, retrospectively
unveiling to me a love so tender, finally giving sight to these eyes of mine
which must have been blind thus far, seeing but not really perceiving...
I was 12 then, a mere child who knew nothing about the world
and how it worked. 6 years back, but it seemed like a thousand years ago. I
didn't truely know what love was then. I didn't know you loved me even then. I
remember your giving me this music box and I said a polite thank you and kept
it away, having no fascination for it then, but touched that you'd gotten me
Now, I'm looking at it with a different pair of eyes and
could only say I'm sorry...sorry for being so blind. Only now I'd taken the
effort to study the box carefully. There were intricate little words carved
inside the box that I never noticed before. Beautiful words, a love poem which
said you love me. And I realized that if I ran away, I would never forgive
myself. I also realized without a doubt that you are the most important thing
in my life.
I ran out the house, I had to find him. I ran and ran like a
mad man. The sky was raining but I didn't care. I only wanted to see him
again, to ask him one thing. Soon, I was totally soaked, but I just kept on
running. Halfway there, I fell down and dropped the music box. My knees were
bleeding, but I didn't care. I only cared about you, sweet Andrew. I picked up
the music box and started to run again. The rain was so heavy now and when I
reached Amy's home, I almost could not breathe. I'd exhausted myself. My
breaths were heavy and my lungs were on fire and I was heaving.
When Amy opened the door, she looked shocked at my
countenance and asked me what in the world had happened. But I only said,
"Where is Andy?"
"He's back in Toronto. But he left you a letter."
I opened the letter and it said,
Sorry. I love you.
With that, my knees grew weak. I sat down on the floor but
no tears came. I'd lost the chance to ask him what I'd been wanting to. Then I
felt dizzy and everything turned to black.
When I woke up, I was lying in the hospital. The doctor said
I had a fever, 105 degrees. The other day, my fever was gone and I could come
Since then, I'd not spoken. I didn't talk to anyone and
could barely make myself eat. Ed....sweet, ever thoughtful Ed, came to take
care of me, never once complaining of my silence and patiently tried to get me
to eat. He never grew frustrated at me and would patiently try again when
After one week, he said, "In time you'll be fine."
But that remark seemed to be directed at himself rather than me, I couldn't be
"I will never be fine," I answered anyway. That
was the first time I'd spoken after I'd fainted. I could barely will my mouth
to speak, and my voice was hoarse. It must have sounded grating to the ears.
But sweet Ed hugged me anyway. "Let me take care of
you, Tin. Let me love you."
"I know you love him, Tin. Why do you love him so much?
Why can't you be fair to me? Please give me a chance! I love you, Tin."
"Ed, love doesn't need a reason. If you love someone,
every obscure reason becomes more than plausible. If you hate someone, every
reason becomes absurd and unbelievable."
Ed started to sob.
"Ed, I'm not worth it. Don't cry..."
"No! No! Don't say that."
"I am just a dead man walking."
"No! You will be fine, I'm sure."
"Ed, I am very tired."
"Ok, then have some rest. I will come back
With that, he reluctantly left. My hand was already reaching
for the the music box that Andy gave me. As I opened it slowly, I realized
that I would wait a hundred years, a thousand years, to be with him...maybe
even for an eternity if that's what it took.
I looked at the works of the poem carved inside the music
box again. It even seemed to be fitting lyrics to the melody of the music
emanating from the music box.
Can't explain this feeling
So confused, lost and astray
Like a cloud in the wind
Aimlessly wandering the skyway
I look at the stars above
Wondering why the world's changing
Why the road to true love
Is paved with pain unending
Though you've said nothing
You showed me love and affection
When I fall, you reached for me
Gave me strength and attention
past, you said
Work hard for the future instead
Towards your destiny you'll
I thank God for your love
Keeping it safe within my soul
love that fits me like a glove
Warms me up and makes me whole
Walk with me,
you I won't forsake
A future together we'll make
For your love, my life I'll
The holiday ended very fast. I didn't go back to Hong Kong.
I phoned my dad and apologised. My step-mom eventually left a week later for
Hong Kong, albeit reluctantly. She was worried for me. Both of them really
cared for me. They seemed to sense what had happened. They didn't ask me
anything though. I only heard my dad saying, "You can come back any time. We
would always welcome you back, you know that."
One day towards the end of the holiday, I was sitting in the
garden when Amy came visiting. She didn't say anything at first, and we ended
up having a good cry together. In the end, I guess we talked about many things
but I don't remember what I said nor what she said. But I knew that many
people cared about me, and I was ever thankful for their support. They told me,
in one way or another, that I needed to pull myself together and start living
again despite Andy leaving me.
Eventually, even Ed had to go. I never thought that he would
leave me because he was always beside me these past few weeks whenever I
needed him. But he'd decided to leave the first week into the fall term. When
he told me he had to go, he looked so sad that I felt bad for not ending it
with him sooner.
"Sorry, Ed," I said.
"No need to be sorry, Tin. I understand."
Then he hugged me tight. I wanted to cry but I held back.
Then he released me, took his luggage and said, "May you find the
happiness you've been looking for. Live a full life and be good."
I still remember his words even after years had passed. So I
tried to do my best to live a good and happy life. I still remember Andy but I
told myself to be contend with just my memories of him.
As for Ed, I couldn't accept him. I knew if I asked him to,
he'd gladly stay with me, but I didn't want him to waste his life away. I'm not
worth it and may never be able to return his love, even with time.
And time did indeed pass quickly for me. I devoted myself to
keeping busy and realized that it had eased my pain and, before I realized it,
3 years had passed. In that time, I never saw Andy again, nor did I ask Amy
where he was or how he's doing. I still have contact with Ed but I never asked
I tried telling myself that Andy never appeared in front of
me that summer and that we never met again. Those memories were bittersweet.
Let my last memories of him be of those years when we were together in Hong
Kong. I'd always cherish those times and remember them fondly.
I grew up a lot that summer and learned a lot. I learned
how to cry, I learned how to live but, most importantly, I learned how to
love. I will always love you, Andy, no matter where you are. My love for you
will never fade away...