Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2012 01:41:50 -0400 From: John xxx Subject: There's Always Hope Chapter 9 Welcome back! Enjoy! 2 Months later... Luke's POV: It was Wednesday, it was math class, and I couldn't get it off my mind. I had been thinking a lot about my future lately and how I wanted it. I was throwing questions at myself I shouldn't even have to think about yet like...where I wanted to live, and what kind of job I wanted to get, where I wanted to retire, should I get a dog...maybe a cat? I had three more years left of college, and there was really no need to think about stuff like that yet but...I couldn't get my mind off it. Then I started to think about who I wanted to be with...which wasn't a difficult question, because I loved Tyler, and I didn't want to be with anyone else. But one thing was bothering me...if I spent my whole life with Tyler...I would never have kids of my own. Once again...stupid question to be thinking about as a freshman in college but...it was true. I really wanted kids of my own. I wanted a big family, and I wanted to be proud of my family. My thoughts were cut off by everyone getting up to leave. The walk back from class was even worse...I was overwhelmed by all these questions. I felt stuck with no chance of breaking free. I did my best to set all of it aside for the rest of the day, hopefully forever. I got back to my room to find Tyler sitting on the futon. Eventually I decided to leave my door unlocked so he could come and go whenever, it seemed easier. "Hey, how was class?" he asked, standing up from the futon. He started walking my way and I already knew what was coming. "Not too bad" I said, just before he got to me. He wrapped his arms around my lower waist and pulled me in tight. Our lips locked and for what seemed like forever. My stomach growled ruining the mood...we both laughed a little breaking the kiss. "You hungry?" I asked. "Yea, I could use some food" he replied. So we grabbed what we needed and headed out the door. I felt a little awkward throughout the whole meal. I wanted to tell him so bad what I've been worrying about, we've always told each other everything...even when we noticed other guys we would both say `yea, I'd tap that'...obviously joking, or if we really we were getting annoyed with each other for some reason, we would tell each other, and give each other some space. We had the perfect, honest relationship, so it was hard to keep this from him. But I couldn't tell him...I didn't want him to think he wasn't good enough, or that I wasn't happy. So I hid it, hoping it would go away. Tyler's POV: It was a Friday night and I hadn't seen Luke since Wednesday. Believe it or not, that was way too long, and I was going crazy. He was sick yesterday and again today, so he told me to stay away for fear of getting me sick. Which I had a hard time doing but...I didn't really want to get sick, so...I just let him be. But...that could only last for so long. Victor was nowhere to be found, nobody was in the dorms, and I had no plans for the night. So...I decided to be rebellious and go over to see him for a little bit anyways. I'm not sure what would be worse...severe boredom, or being sick. It's debatable. So I threw on some nice clothes and headed out the door. I thought about stopping by the store and picking up some ice cream or something but...decided against it. I was poor. I stood outside his hall for a few minutes before someone let me in...thank god...it was fucking cold out. I reached the door and just decided to barge in...I wanted to surprise him. I threw open the door to find something that haunts me to this day. It took me a second to understand, and to comprehend what was happening. I froze with fear and anger. Luke had someone pinned against the wall, and it wasn't me. He didn't notice me at first, he was just fucking away. I saw it was definitely a girl, and after a moment or so she noticed me. I just turned around, walked out, and slammed the door. I started walking as fast as I could down the hallway. I wanted to get as far away from there is possible. I felt far more defeated than angry. Luke was the first guy I'd ever felt loved by, and now I just felt like a cheap hooker. My mind was screaming all the way back to my dorm. And of course, Victor was there when I got back...perfect. I must have looked terrible. We locked eyes for a second and I turned right back around and headed to the parking lot. I needed to be alone. "Hey, are you ok?" Victor asked, chasing me out the door. "Not really" I said, not even looking back. "Just...please leave me alone" I said, continuing to walk out the door. I practically jogged out to my car. I got in, turned it on, and ripped out of the parking lot. I headed onto a back road and punched the pedal to the floor. Tears started free falling from my eyes; I could barely see the road. I saw the needle float by the 100 mark on the speedometer. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible. I felt worthless... Luke's POV: There I sat...alone and afraid. I was lost, and there was no one who could help me. I never thought about it that hard until that week...did I really want to be with a guy for the rest of my life. I was definitely bi, but...did I like girls or guys more? It had been a while since I'd done anything with a girl and the questions running through my mind were killing me. It was Friday, and I had been ignoring Tyler since Wednesday. I didn't know how to face him. I was going out of my mind so...I decided around noon to have a drink...to try and calm the stress. But it just got worse, and by 4pm, I was wasted. I was just about to call Tyler and spill out all my problems when I heard a knock on my door. I put down my phone and stumbled over to the door. I opened it to find one of my neighbors, Allison. She took one look at me and she already knew something was wrong. She was one of my best friends at school...I met her on move in day and she was always really nice. We hung out a few times but I hadn't seen her for a while. "What's wrong?" she asked letting herself in. "you look like shit". "Nothing...just stressed" I replied sitting back down on my futon. "oh ok" she said sitting down next to me. We talked for the next few hours, she kept on prying at my mind, trying to get out what was really wrong but...she didn't get anywhere. After a while the mood started to change. She moved a little closer to me and started asking how she could help. She moved her hand to my thigh and that's when I knew exactly what she wanted. My first instinct was to slap her hand away and tell her to get out. But I was desperate for an answer. I needed to know what I wanted, and there was only one way to find out. So I moved on top of her and started kissing her. I was trying to get into it...but she stopped me after a minute or so. "That hurts, go a little softer" she moaned, trying to sound sexy. Go softer? I wasn't even kissing her that hard, or touching her that hard. But...I gentled up a little anyways. My kisses became lighter and I was barely touching her. I pulled off my shirt and ducked back down into a kiss. After a minute or two I pulled of her shirt and reached behind to undo her bra. A few minutes later we were both naked, and I was having mixed feelings about all of it. I pushed her up against the wall and started going at it. I was barely hard enough to do it, and within the next minute, I knew I'd definitely made a mistake. The way she was moaning and whimpering just annoyed me, and I felt like I was holding back. I missed Tyler...but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to piss Allison off by just stopping in the middle and kicking her out...so I kept going. I doubted I could even cum. I just closed my eyes and kept going. Just when I thought she was done she started begging for more, and all I wanted to do was stop. I was almost disgusted, and I was more than pissed at myself for letting it happen. All of a sudden, I felt her tense up...I opened my eyes and saw her staring at something, and that's when I heard it. The door slammed. I knew what just happened, and I didn't know what to do. I froze for what seemed like minutes. "Get out" was all I could say when I regained a little control. She could see how devastated I was. Before I knew it, the biggest mistake of my life was on her way out the door. "I don't know what just happened there but...I'm sorry." She said as she shut the door. I didn't reply...I just walked over to the futon and sat down. I was afraid to call, afraid to text, and afraid to confront. I just wanted to die. I knew it was over, why would he stay with me now? It was over, and I didn't need to hear the words to know it. Victor's POV: All I wanted to do was help. I was going crazy sitting in the room waiting for him to come back. There was only one thing I knew that could make him that upset, something must have happened between him and Luke. I tried calling him a few times but...I couldn't get an answer. All I could do was sit and hope he would come back. Tyler POV: I pulled back into the parking lot after 5 hours of nothing but driving. I felt officially depressed, and it sucked. Driving around aimlessly seemed to help a little though. I dragged myself back to the dorms with nothing but hate in my heart. I entered the room to find Victor still up; he looked almost as bad as me...I briefly pondered what could be wrong with him but the thought of Luke wouldn't leave my mind. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked in a concerned tone. "Nope" I replied. I didn't realize how mean that would sound until I said it but...I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep and forget...which would be next to impossible. I threw off my shirt and shorts, and then climbed up into bed. I shut my eyes, and after what seemed like days, I feel asleep. Victor's POV: It was Sunday night, and I don't think Tyler had moved the whole weekend. He just stayed in bed watching tv and eating food. I wanted so badly to help, but he made it clear he didn't want it...and it hurt to hear him say it. And what I wanted most was to tell him how I feel but...after what just happened, it felt too soon. And for all I knew, it wasn't completely over between the two of them. So I decided to lay low, see what happens, and if it really was over I'd stop being a pussy and just tell him how I feel. Tyler's POV: After being cooped up in the dorm all weekend I decided to get some fresh air. As I was walking down the hallway, I pulled at my phone to read Luke's text again. He sent it Saturday morning and I've read it a thousand times. I keep telling myself to delete it but...I couldn't bring myself to do it. Luke: There's nothing I can really say...I know I'm an asshole, I know I fucked up, and I know I don't deserve you. I'm not sending this text to ask you to forgive me or to come back...I'm sending it because I've never felt so shitty in my life and I could never live with myself if I didn't say something. Truth is...I love you, and I know it's hard for you to believe that but its true. I needed to know if I was gay or straight or bi...and I felt that was the only way to find out. Biggest mistake of my life. I know I don't deserve you anymore, so all I can really say is goodbye. Those words were stuck in my head. I never sent him a text back, nor will I ever send him a text back. I was too furious. The text was a lie. It had to be...and I would never give in and let him talk to me. I stormed out of the doors and started walking. I wandered around campus for hours trying to think of anything but reality. I tried thinking of classes and what I needed to get done. Then I tried thinking of my family and friends but...nothing was helping. I was walking by the Recreation Center when I heard some yelling from behind the building. I ignored it at first but...it started to sound bad. "Shut up you fucking pussy, no one's going to help you" I heard a voice softly hiss. I thought I should check it out...so I quietly crept around the corner. I saw three guys pinning a kid to the ground. Two of the guys were holding his arms and legs down while the other was straddled on top punching him in the ribs. They covered his mouth so he wouldn't yell. The guy continued punching and slapping him everywhere...and I couldn't bear the sight of it anymore. They didn't look too big, and I was pissed, so I moved out from behind the corner and got ready for something I knew I would regret. "I'd get off him" I said in a casual tone. "I think he's had enough". They all stared at me with shocked expressions...apparently they didn't think people would still be walking around at 1 in the morning. "Get the fuck out of here" the guy who was throwing the punches said getting up off his victim. Either leave, or you're getting the shit kicked out of you to" he threatened. I laughed a little; I honestly didn't care if I got beat up. It couldn't possibly hurt worse than what I've been dealing with all weekend. "Haha go for it, I'm not going anywhere" I said. "Just keep him down" the asshole said "I'll deal with it." The two on the ground stayed put and he started walking my way. I honestly wasn't scared at all. I let all the pain Luke gave me turn to anger as I ducked his first punch. I stepped back and threw a two punch combo landing it right on his face...and I didn't stop. I hit him twice more in the stomach and tossed him on the ground. Then out of nowhere I was hit in the face. I shook it off and saw that one of the guys holding the kid down wasn't there. The guy I threw down was getting up and was of his friends was coming right back at me. He ran at me trying to tackle me...but just as he was about to make contact I stepped aside and tripped him. I quickly jumped on him and hit him a good three times in the face. I saw out of the corner of my eye the other guy coming at me, so I jumped off and prepared for his next move. He swung a solid punch and caught my left cheek. Without missing a beat I faked a punch up high making him duck down and hit him hard in the face with my knee. He instantly dropped to the ground. I jumped on top of him and landed another punch on his face, and with that he was knocked out. As I was acknowledging my success, the other guy tackled me and pinned me on the ground. He started punching me without any breaks. Just punch after punch. I could feel the pain but I was pissed. Pissed at Luke, pissed at myself, and pissed at life. And all of that kept me going. I was able to throw him off me with my legs. I could tast the salty blood dripping from my nose. He ran at me again in another attempt to tackle me...but I raised my leg, and kicked him as hard as I could just before he got to me. He fell, getting right back up. I kicked him again in the side of the leg and he fell to the ground in pain...I was pretty sure I broke or tore something. He clearly wasn't getting up. I looked to the last man standing who was still holding the kid down. I started walking towards him and he just got up and left...what a pussy. I went over to help the kid up and he was barely conscious. I lifted him up, put his arm around me, and started walking him back towards the dorms. "T-t-thank you" he said. He was trying to say more but...he couldn't get the words out. "What dorm are you in?" I managed to stutter out. I was exhausted from the struggle and my head was killing me. "Bowen hall" he choked out. I helped him all the way back to his room. They must have been beating him for a while, he was in rough shape. He keyed into his room, his arm still around me hanging like he could fall at any moment. When we got in, I laid him on his bed and went into his bathroom. I grabbed a small towel and wetted it down. I went back into the room and he was already sleeping. I gently wiped the blood off his face and hands, trying not to wake him up. I took his shoes off and put him under the blankets. This kid owed me big time. I sat down on the couch and cleaned myself off...thinking of everything that went down. And then thoughts of everything else started to flood into my mind and before I knew it...I was asleep. There ya go. Hope you liked it! Any feedback please send to jt6355x@gmail.com. Any type of feedback is much appreciated! I can also add you to my contact list so I can notify you when the next chapter is out. Thanks for reading!!!