18 December 2004
Good morning, everyone,
I hope things are well with everyone and that your holiday shopping is
almost done. Frankly, I've been so swamped, I wouldn't know that
it's Christmas-time if it weren't for the specials on TV. I'm
still catching up on end of year things, so the next chapter will be
out around the first of the year...writing has been very slow in those
few moments I've had lately to do any.
Thanks to all of you who wrote. I have enjoyed our correspondence
and appreciate your thoughts. You all are wonderful people.
Have an excellent holiday!
This story is a work of
Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or
dead, is entirely coincidental. This
story also deals with love and consensual sexual activities between men.
If you are not of legal age, reside in an
area where viewing such material is illegal, or are offended by such
not read further and leave this site now.
The author retains all
rights to this story. Reproductions or
links to other sites are
not allowed without the permission of the author.
Lives – Two Loves
“What’s wrong?” Jon asked, uncomfortable with Alicia’s
“Nothing,” Alicia said, smiling weakly. “Can
I help with anything?”
“You’re a guest; you don’t have to do anything except make
yourself at home,” he smiled. Weakly.
Jon went to get some sodas and napkins while Hunter and Ron
pulled some extra chairs around the patio table and emptied the bags
sub sandwiches and the chips.
“They’re all the same,” Hunter said. “I
hope everyone likes Italian with extra
“Fine by me,” I said.
“Thanks for bringing these,” Jon said.
Jon joined us and chair legs squealed against the patio as
we pulled ourselves up to the table to unravel the overstuffed subs,
rip at the
chips and pop the tops. The smell of the
onions and the peppers drove me crazy and I could almost feel the
flowing into my system as I sank my teeth into my first half.
It was almost as good as sex.
Mind you, nothing’s ever quite as good as
sex, but at the moment, this was coming close.
I was starved after my little voyage.
Jon ate his tentatively; I could tell his head still
bothered him and I studied him as we ate silently.
He chewed slowly, not enjoying his food as I
felt the dull pain pushing at every inch of his brain.
I thought I might be able to see what it was
that bothered him but I couldn’t. It was
like he was preventing me from seeing into him.
What was also strange was that, after a minute or two, I noticed
all were silent and that we all were studying one another.
I was studying Jon, Alicia was studying Jon,
and Hunter and Ron were studying me.
What we really needed was a fifth party to study Hunter and Ron
guess we can’t have everything.
It finally got to me.
“What?” I asked, dropping my sub to the table with a touch
more drama than might have been necessary, my eyes darting between
Ron. They both sort of looked at each
other and then down at the table. They
didn’t have the faintest idea of what to say.
“C’mon,” I began, “You guys’ve been like a couple of church
mice since you got back. What’s the
Ron coughed and reached slowly into his bag for another
bunch of chips. His eyes darted up and
down at Hunter. Alicia watched all of us
and stayed quiet, waiting to see what would develop.
“Hey, man,” he said.
“Look; we didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just, you know, kinda
“Isn’t that what you came here for?” I sniped.
“Well, yeah, but I gotta tell you…when we walked through the
front door and saw you standing there with your arms all stretched out
standing on your toes like you were doing a swan dive and listening to
sighing like that…it was weird.”
“I was sighing?” I asked Alicia.
“Well, moaning would probably be a better choice of words,”
she nodded. “And then…,”
“That was you?” Jon interrupted.
“You heard it, too?” I asked. I didn’t
mean to cut Alicia off but it just
struck me that I was not aware of this.
“Heard it?” Jon said, “I’m half surprised the neighbors didn’t
call to complain or something. Then it
just stopped and I said ‘fuck it’, my head ached so bad, let Brad deal
“Little did you know,” I muttered.
“No kidding; you’re a scary guy sometimes, you know?”
“I’m scary? Look
who’s talking, bondage-boy!” From the
corner of my eye, I saw Ron and Hunter immediately ease back in their
didn’t know whether it was to distance themselves or because they
to miss a word, but they kept quiet, not even chewing for fear of
a single word.
“And THEN…,” Alicia said,
raising her voice to reinsert
herself into the conversation before it got out of hand; it was enough.
“…you went quiet and relaxed.
That’s when I knew you were in trouble.”
“Trouble? From what?”
I asked, looking back to her.
“You were enjoying it too much and you were leaving your
body. That’s why we had to pull you
back. I’m just glad Hunter and Ron were there. You were deep into it.”
“Into what?” Hunter asked.
“I’m not following any of this.”
“Hunter,” Ron said, “You wanted to see the supernatural; I
think you’ve got a front row seat now.”
“You don’t know how right you are,” Alicia said. She
took a breath, thinking of how best to
put it so Hunter would understand. “All
right,” she began again, looking him and Ron dead on.
“You both obviously know that Brad’s a
psychic, even if he sometimes doesn’t want to admit it.
Even to himself,” she said, cutting a look
around at me. “What you saw when you
came in was Brad on the verge of traveling astrally.”
“Doing what?” Hunter asked.
“It’s like when his mind leaves his body behind and goes out
somewhere,” Ron said.
“Very good, Chipmunk; you’re learning,” she smiled.
Hunter was a slower learner but didn’t have the advantage of
having been exposed to this before. “You
mean like last night when we were doing the Ouija thing and he just
“Yes,” Alicia said.
“Exactly like that. And DON’T…,”
she barked, raising her voice and jabbing her finger at them,
“…let me hear about you doing anything as stupid
as that again!” Alicia almost spat the
words at them. Ron and Hunter were each
at least a head taller and a lot broader than Alicia, but her words
back in their chairs. Their eyes went
wide and Ron’s hands went up in submission.
“Yes, ma’am, I mean, no ma’am, I mean,” Ron stammered,
shaking his head trying to find the words under Alicia’s steady frown.
Hunter quieted him with a hand laid on top of
“But last night he just went all quiet and keeled over on
the floor,” Hunter asked. “Why didn’t he
do that today?”
“Fair question,” she said.
“He was going to but he wasn’t totally out of his body yet.
He was enjoying the journey too much this
time because he was consciously controlling it.” Alicia
turned back to me and smiled, raising
her soda can in salute. “Bravo, Brad,”
The guys all stared at me with the sort of glazed look you
usually find on donuts. They were
confused, but I wasn’t. For the first
time, I knew exactly what Alicia was talking about.
I had controlled it, and it had felt really
good; so good that I almost didn’t want to come back.
And I’d almost gotten there, too. I’d
almost gotten my hands on…”
“That book,” Ron asked.
“Yeah,” Hunter said, taking up Ron’s thought, “What’s
up with that? You seemed really pissed.”
pissed? I was pissed.
Royally!” I said
as the memory flooded back.
“Oh, God; the book again,” Jon sighed, putting down his sub
and slowly rubbing his temples. I
noticed he had hardly eaten any of his food.
“Would you please just hurry up and read that thing?” he said.
Jon’s small outburst took us by surprise. We
all went quiet. Alicia turned and studied
him again through
“Hey, babe; you okay?” I soothed, reaching out a hand to
caress his thigh. His headache looked
like it was getting worse.
“Hey, look,” he began.
“I apologize; it’s just…my head…”
“You wanna go lie down or something?” I asked.
“No, I’ll be all right,” he said, taking a deep breath,
trying to tough it out. I knew my man
better than that; he was in pain and didn’t want to let it spoil
time. After a few seconds, things
returned to normal; well, as normal as they could get.
“So what is it with the book,” Ron asked Alicia.
She put down her soda and wiped her hands. “You
mentioned that book before,” she
began. “This time you said you thought
it was the key to all this and I agree.”
“I never said that.”
“You thought it,” she grinned.
“Now who’s peeking,” I smirked.
“So what is it?” Hunter asked, becoming slightly annoyed at
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Oh, great,” Jon muttered.
“But I’ll tell you what I think it is,” she paused, taking
another sip of her soda. “I think it
either is or is a part of your Akashic record,” she stated, looking at
“My what?” I asked.
“You’ve heard me talk about the Library?” She asked.
“You mean the one down across from the mall?” Ron asked
innocently. Hunter shushed him; he
wanted to see where this was going.
“Yeah, maybe; I don’t recall right off hand,” I shrugged.
“On the other side of that veil where you go when you
travel,” she began again, “…there’s what we would call a library.
A big one.
I’m not certain what it looks like ‘cuz I’ve never gotten there
“What is it?” Hunter interjected.
“Well, if you’d let me continue,” she smirked.
“From what I’ve heard, it looks different to different
people, kind of like it adjusts itself to fit your conceptions.
Probably for ease of conventional references
for those of us still working on this plane,” she said. “But
whatever perspective you look at it from,
it’s still a library no matter what.”
“And?” I drawled.
“This is where the Akashic records are kept.”
“And they’re, like, what?” I asked, waving my hands for her
to quit beating around the bush and just get to it.
“They’re like the records of all of your various lives and
incarnations and lessons learned, written by you, and for you.”
“You’re serious,” I asked.
She nodded back.
“That’s probably a really gross over-simplification, but,
yeah. Like I said before, Brad; you’re
an old, experienced soul and there are no coincidences.
Frankly, I think you’ve got history with this
house from before and I think that book is the record of it, or at
manifestation of it.”
“And to think I almost had it.”
“Well, we…you, actually, are going back in to get it,” she
said, turning to the guys, “And y’all are gonna help.”
“Oh-ho-ho, man,” Hunter said, waving his hands, “This is
“Shhh,” Ron said, slipping his hand onto Hunter’s leg.
“You wanted weird; you can’t leave now.” Hunter
eased back down into his chair. “We’re
there,” he said to Alicia. “What do we do?”
I smiled, interested to see Ron take charge of Hunter for a
change and I was happy to have their help, whatever it might be.
“Jon?” I asked.
“You have to ask?” he said.
“I’m there, headache or not. Just
let me choke down some aspirin first is all.”
“Excellent!” I beamed, grateful that I’d finally get this
mystery behind me. “Athos, Porthos,
Aramis and D’Artagnan,” I said, pointing to each of my friends in turn.
can I lose?”
“Sounds like a bunch of colognes,” Ron quipped.
“Please tell me you’re kidding,” Hunter drawled.
We helped Jon get things cleaned up and reassembled in the
front parlor. Alicia got us to rearrange
the furniture so that they could all sit on the couches facing me while
in the club chair. She got the
candelabra from the dining room table and then got some incense from
that she’d brought for me. I immediately
recognized one of the scents as sage; the other I wasn’t sure about.
She said it was frankincense, good for
meditation and protection. Finally, she
lit the candles and the incense and drew the blinds, darkening the room
as she could. I was a little edgy being
the center of attention once again.
“Alicia, am I…what are we supposed to be doing here?” Hunter
“Just what you’re doing, hon,” she said. “Just
sit there and be there in case.”
“In case of what?” Jon asked.
“You’ll know that when, if, it happens,” she said.
Alicia smoothed her rustling skirt from behind and sat down
on the couch next to Jon. She leaned
forward, starting with some final instructions as the fragrant scent of
incense started to fill the still air in the room.
“Okay,” she sighed.
“Here’s how this works.” I
chuckled, noticing that their heads all turned in unison towards her,
puppies hearing a new sound. “Don’t
talk, don’t laugh, don’t move, don’t nothing unless I tell you to;
“’kay…yes, ma’am…” they nodded.
“Brad is going to meditate and put himself where he was
earlier when you two came in. He’s likely
to leave his body, we’ll have a pretty good idea this’s happened if he
limp,” she said.
Oh, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces when she
opened that little chestnut. I
thought Hunter’s mouth was going to drop
into his lap. I guess Hunter’s one of
those people for whom seeing is still not quite believing.
He’d seen me that way twice now and he still
acted like it was the first time. I
guess it was the way Alicia put it, so matter-of-factly for something
so out of
the ordinary, that set him on edge.
“Don’t do anything unless I tell you,” she emphasized.
“I’ll be keeping an eye on him but it seems I
can only go so far. After that, you’re
on your own, Brad,” she said, turning her attention to me.
“Can you handle that?”
I hesitated for a beat, “Yes.” I had no
choice. I was at a turning point.
If I turned back now, I felt like there’d be
no doing it again. I was a little nervous
now that I had the chance to stop and think about it.
Before, I’d just done it on the spur of the
moment, heading out into the ether to get my hands on that book.
Now, I was making a conscious effort to do it.
It was really stimulating and really spooky
all at once.
In my mind’s eye, I could see Grandfather and Dawn over
Water and Fishing Bear, and that score of others, standing and smiling
encouraging me from high on the plateau.
I heard Grandfather’s voice in the middle of my head, telling me
be afraid, letting me know that it was finally time but to be cautious
watchful, that they were there if I needed.
“Good,” Alicia said.
“Now let’s all just sit back, relax and stay still.
Brad?” she asked, “Whenever you’re ready,
I coughed and cleared my throat, shaking my arms like
before, making sure I was loose and limber.
I don’t know why; everybody’s got their little rituals they go
when they’re getting ready to do something.
I guess this was becoming mine.
I closed my eyes and squirmed my back into the chair,
listening to the leather ‘squeak’ as I did, until I was comfortable.
I planted my feet firmly on the floor and
rested my hands comfortably in my lap.
Silently, I said my prayer of protection as Alicia had taught me
took deep breaths, filling my lungs with the cool, dry air of the room,
inhaling the fragrant essence of the incense.
It was very intoxicating.
Then I felt it. The
familiar, wonderful wave of warm energy rolling over me from my feet to
head, stimulating me, energizing me. I
heard myself gasp as the flow totally engulfed me, half lifting me out
chair, and I ‘felt’ Jon move towards me and I ‘heard’ Alicia shake her
barring his way with her arm across his chest.
I could feel all of their heartbeats, almost taste their
this had to be the awareness that mystics spoke of.
It should have felt strange and foreign, but
it had the most natural feel to me of anything I’d ever experienced and
wonderful. My ‘sight’ gradually cleared
and I saw them sitting quietly with wide eyes as I lost the feel of my
slipped free of it, carried away by the euphoria of the energy, of the
I saw Jon chewing nervously at his thumbnail as they
continued to stare at my limp, sleeping form in the chair, not seeing
the me of
me at all as I stepped out of myself.
Eventually, they began to fade, the room began to fade.
Morph would probably be a better word.
It wasn’t like the house lights went down
while the crew changed scenery for the third act; it was a blending of
existence into another. A place where I
was and they weren’t, even though I somehow knew that, in the totality
they were still there.
Gone were the leather sofas and the club chairs; they were
now the formally arranged chintz sofas and armchairs.
Gone were the white plaster walls and trim;
they were again that dizzying Victorian paper.
Gone were my tee and khaki shorts and Nike’s; they were now my
robe and bare feet. I was here.
I turned and looked at the door to the office and ‘felt’ the
ticking of the clock on the mantle beyond.