Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 17:27:50 +0000 From: eric leung Subject: Gay_College_The Unfinished Letter Chapter 3 Hello everyone. Thanks for all your support. Please keep those letters coming. I'd like to share with you one reader's letter to Zion. It certainly cheered Zion up, and he's hoping to received more. So don't disappoint him! Here's Benjamin's letter: To Zion, When winter is gone, spring comes. When drought is over, monsoon rain starts to pour. When something bad is past, it belongs to history. We only can take it as a lesson but not a punishment to ourselves. So don't plunge yourself into the valley of misery. Don't chain yourself to the walls of depression. If you do, you are just torturing yourself. Set yourself free. Remember we are not the slave of sadness. Life is short. Our life here on earth is short compared to the age of this universe. We ought to enjoy our life while we can. Lastly, try to think of the most beautiful moments you have in your life. Everyday you wake up, try to give yourself a smile that a new beautiful day is waiting for you. I pray every night that you will get the happiness soon. That you will smile always. Do take care. From a concerned reader, BENJAMIN And now, onward to our story but first, I'd like to stress that if you are under 18 or are offended by homosexual relationships, please do not read further. Otherwise I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as the previous two. Chapter 3: Gary Comes into the Picture I was sitting in front the desk feeding my little bird when Justin walked in unceremoniously and sat down in a huff. I could see that he was very annoyed. "You know what?" he asked. "No." "You're supposed to say 'What?'" he admonished. I sighed. This looked like he's really pissed off. "Ok, what?" "Leo asked me if I slept with you." "You sleep with me every night." "You know what I mean." "I know." "I am so angry. He..he insulted me." I didn't say anything so Justin moved nearer to me and asked, "Why does he keep asking me the same question?" "Maybe he cares about you." "Bullshit. I think..." He stopped and stared at me but I turned away to avoid him. "There is something you're not telling me!" he smiled evilly. "Who, me? What could I have been keeping from you?" I replied. "You are lying." I sighed. I must be a lousy liar. "Ok, so I lied," I confessed. "I think...something is developing between you guys. He's showed more concern for you these days than for me. And I think he's worried about whether I've seduced you. That's why he keeps on asking me if we've slept together on the pretext of looking out for my welfare, don't you agree?" "I don't know. Okay, okay, he said he loved me and promised to give up casual sex and his many boytoys. He also told me that he wanted to protect me and hoped that I'll come to accept him in time to come." "Wow, this is a first for Leo!" Justin said thoughtfully. "So will you accept him?" he asked. I sighed. "I really don't know. Can you give me some advice?" "No. I won't be giving you an impartial, objective advice. You know what had happened between him and me. I am definitely prejudiced, so it's not fair that I say anything more." "Ok..." "So what do you think of him?" "Well, despite the carefree image he projects, I know deep inside he's a caring person." "And?" "He's nice and easy to get along. I think he's the most handsome guy I've ever met. His words are always very sweet." "And?" "You know what?" "What?" "You must really love saying 'and'. Isn't there something else you can think of saying?" "Don't try to change the subject." "But he's not my type," I sighed heavily. "What is your type?" "Hmm...let me think about it. I love the sporty type." "Leo goes to the gym 3 times a week." "He only does it because he needs to keep his body in shape so that he can easily seduce people to his bed." "Ok...that's him all right. So what else do you go for?" "Hmm...I need a guy who'll always support me and not someone who just wants to protect me. I don't think I need that much protection, do I? Do I give out vibes of a helpless damsel in distress?" "Err....do you? You got me there!" Justin answered. "I'm only joking. Jeez, can't you take a joke?" he added quickly when I glared at him. "And don't let that stop you, tell me more of what's your ideal man like?" "He has to be earnest and be able to treat important things seriously. Serious in his work, serious at school and most importantly, serious in love. Your brother is not like that." "Then I think you should refuse him then." "But he really cares about me and you know what?" "What?" "He's handsome." "Gee! Zion, you are hopeless." "Actually I am very confused right now." "Maybe you should ask someone who has more experience. Well, how about Gary? He should be able to help you, I think." "Well, I am kind of scared of him. You see, he's very nice to me. Too nice that it make me uncomfortable." "Then why do you still go out with him everyday?" "I don't know. Well, maybe I feel lonely." I walked to the window and looked out. The wind was blowing through the forest, and the familiar sound of waves greeted my ears again. That afternoon, I went out with Gary again. I'd go to the gym everyday for a swim to keep my body in shape. Usually, I'd meet Gary in the university gym and we'd swim together. But I took up too much time talking with Justin so I was late. I was running down the hallway of the university's sport center and turned a right corner when I hit something hard and fell down. My butt landed on the floor hard. Ouch! It felt like I'd just slammed into a brick wall. I noticed someone in front of me so I looked up and saw a big guy standing there. He was scratching his head, looking apologetically at me. "Sorry," he offered, then helped me get up. "Are you ok?" "I'm fine..." I looked at my watch, "but I'm late!" Then I ran away. When I arrived at the gym, I was 15 minutes late. "You are late," Gary stated the obvious. "Sorry." What else can I say? We started started off swimming. We'd been concentrating on improving our times. Gary loved swimming and he swam well, but I was only average. Ok, I was worse before. I didn't swim well but Gary taught me the correct technique. I gradually improved and swam much better and faster after his patient coaching. However, every time when he touched my body during our practices, I'd feel a shock go through me and, more often than not, I'd get a hard-on. And he always seemed to touch my sensitive spots. I don't know whether it was intentional but I think maybe that's why I was a bit scared of him. Maybe he's coming on to me, I don't know. Justin said that perhaps I was not feeling 'scared' of him, but that the possibility of something developing between between Gary and me caused me to panic and to feel scared in return. Well, that's way too deep for me. Look at me, I only arrived here about one and a half months but it seemed like lots of things were happening to me. First, my brother passed away. Then my boyfriend broke up with me. Soon after, I'd gotten myself a best friend and then one, maybe even two, people were coming on to me and I was just not ready for it. Everything seemed to be in chaos. Gary was correcting my swim posture and was holding my waist, correcting my upper body movements. I felt very uncomfortable as I'd gotten a hard-on yet again. When he leaned nearer and his chest made contact with my back, I could feel his body heat and his breath, which was driving me crazy. "Zion, you ok?" "Yeah, yeah, I am fine." "Ok..if you say so. Let me do a few more laps then we'll head home, ok? We're a little early today but you don't look all that well to me." "Whatever." I dived into the water to cool myself down, thinking lots of disgusting things in the hope that my hard-on would deflate. Suddenly, I started to feel dizzy. I'd zoned out in the water and I better pull myself together fast before something major happened. As I struggled to get to the surface, I felt someone pulling me out. "What are you doing, Zion? You tried to kill yourself!" Gary yelled at me when we reached the surface. "Huh? No way, man. I was thinking of something and was lost in my thoughts. I'd forgotten I was in the water. I am being silly again, that's all. Sorry." Gary looked at me for a moment, then smiled and shook his head. "Ok, don't let that happen again. I think we better leave now, and I better drive you home this time." "Ok, thanks." I smiled at him. We took a quick shower in the locker room. Then I remembered what Justin had said before I left home. Maybe I should ask for Gary's advice about Leo and I. "Gary, can I talk to you?" "Sure." Gary was washing his hair. "What about?" I started to tell him what happened that night. I brought him up to date just as we were walking back to our locker to get dressed. I sat down on the bench and said, "Gary, I feel confused. I kind of like him but he's really not my type." "Why not?" Gary sat down beside me. "I don't know." I was getting flustered with Gary sitting very close to me; our laps were touching each other. He was trying to say something when I looked at him. Then our eyes locked, and he forgot what he going to say. Our faces gradually moved toward each other and the distance between our lips was slowly closing. I broke off and pulled away. "Sorry," he said, getting embarrassed. "I didn't mean to..." "That's ok. Sometimes things happened that we have no control over. It doesn't mean anything, right?" I asked. "Yeah, that must be it," I answered my own question. "Yeah, yeah..." he quickly agreed. My face was flushed and I felt my heart beating so fast I would have sworn I was running in a marathon. I got dressed in a hurry and finished before Gary. "Bye, I can go home myself, don't worry about it. See you tomorrow," I uttered as I picked up my gym bag and walked away quickly. Gary was yelling my name but I just kept walking. I touched my face and it was still very hot. Gee...why is my heart still beating so fast? Be still! The moment was still fresh in my mind. We almost kissed. I found myself short of breath and realized that I had a hard-on again. I was out of the locker room and turned to look back, just to make sure that Gary wasn't following me. I was still feeling a little shocked at the whole situation and that feeling of being 'scared' was coming back. I kept looking back nervously and before I knew it, wham! I'd walked into something again. And, just like the last time, I ended up with my butt on the floor again. I sighed as I looked up and saw that it was the guy I ran into earlier. He was scratching his head again, looking apologetic and sheepish. "Sorry, I am too big. This always happens to me, I'm so sorry," he said and gave me a hand, pulling me to my feet. "Oh...thanks. Err...I am in hurry. Bye," I said. "Bye." He scratched his head once again. As I walked out, I saw a bus stopping right in front of the sports center. I got on the bus on auto-pilot, still scared that Gary would catch up with me. I don't think I could face him today. "Hey, you're very late today," Justin said when I walked into our room. "I took a wrong bus today," I replied, then sat down on the bed and sighed. "Is there something you want to tell me?" Justin asked. "How do you know?" "You sigh every time you want to tell me something." "You know what?" "What?" Then I told him what had happened and he listened carefully, not interrupting even once, until I'd finished. "Why were you so scared that you practically ran away?" "I didn't run." "I said 'practically'." "I don't know." Justin sat down on the bed and pulled Pooh into his embrace. "There must be something that made you act like this." I stood up from the bed and looked out the window. Justin didn't say anything, he lay down on the bed in contemplation. "I think..." he started saying a few minutes later, but stopped in mid speech as a thoughtful look came over him. I expected him to continue but nothing more was forthcoming. "What do you want to say?" I asked him. "I think you like him." "That's impossible!" I sighed. "Well, maybe...I do," I admitted grudgingly. "Just a little bit, mind you." "Sorry, I shouldn't say something like this and upset you." "No! No, no! You did nothing wrong. I should thank you for it. For being my friend and for listening to all my problems." Justin sat up and smiled. Suddenly, he remembered something. "Ah! There is a parcel for you. I forgot to give it to you." "Where is it?" "On my desk." I walked to the desk and picked up the parcel. Well, it's from my uncle. "What is it?" Justin asked. "I don't know." I sat down on the bed and tore the wrapper. Then I slowly opened the box. There were a few things inside. Justin pulled one out and asked, "What is this?" "It's a Chinese fan. This is the only thing my mom left for me. It's very expensive." Justin opened it and fanned himself. "It's made of wood! And it smells very nice." "It's sandalwood." "And the texture is so beautiful too." Justin then pulled out a pocket watch and said, "This is also beautiful." "My dad's favorite watch." "Wow! It's so cool." "Yeah." "Zion?" "Yeah?" "What's this?" He'd pulled out another item and was looking closely at it. I laughed so hard when I saw what it was that I fell down. I clutched my sides and rolled around the floor laughing myself silly. I must have been quite a sight. "You ok, Zion?" Justin asked, after my laughing fit had died down. "I am fine. Hehehehe... Gee...this is my brother's underwear." "Huh?" "You know, Zak's underwear." "Why would your uncle mail his underwear to you?" "Gosh...I don't know." "Hmm...your brother smells good." "Justin, you are disgusting!" I picked up my pillow and aimed for his head. Justin's silly grin was still intact as the pillow reached its target spot on. Tbc.