Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:20:40 +0100 (BST) From: Lidyah Khan Subject: Welcome to New York University / Gay College / Part 11 Welcome to New York University Chapter 11 Jay and Alex come to disagreements Alex Holden's POV After Jea and Jay left I became a little reclusive, sitting down and ordering another coke. I felt both stupid and empty, somehow. I didn't want to lose friends and have my living arrangement become tense and awkward. Jeff was sweet. He left me alone and talked and joked with Susan, who was more of a hit with the guys than I was. Not that I cared, I wasn't looking for a sympathy or a quick fuck. I guess I spent thirty minutes moping before Susan and Jeff came over and sat down next to me. "I'm sorry if you feel bad," Susan said quietly. I shook my head and twirled my straw. "I just don't like playing games, had a bad experience with shit like that," I said. I knew she was feeling bad, but right now I could care less. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. "Well you guys are a bore!" exclaimed Jeff, and I looked over at him all bright eyes and blonde hair. He was what dreams were made of, and I, for lack of better words, could care less. "Sorry man," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Why you apologising to me? You're in your prime man, you should be out there meeting people and having fun. None of this drama business." "Every time I have fun, someone comes and ruins it," I replied sulkily. "Then don't let them! No one should put you down because you're having a good time! You're in party town central, and this is the first time you've actually come to a bar." I rolled my eyes. "Let's just say the fact I'm in a gun-happy country and most likely to get shot I thought it was safer to stay indoors. Back home the biggest problem I had when it came to violence was pissing off a cow." Jeff snorted. "Sure, I'm sure that's the reason. Stop being such a drama queen." "Just be honest," interjected Susan. Feeling cornered and already pissed off, I did what came naturally to me. I yelled. "What do you want me to say?! Jea was the one good friend I made, but he dumps me for the one guy I actually fancy!" "Don't sound like a good friend to me," mumbled Jeff. "Whatever." I finished my drink, and got up. Susan followed me and we both headed out. --- I made it back to the university without saying a word to Susan, and I think at that point she decided that I could go fuck myself too. I made my way to my dorm without saying good-bye to her. I trudged up the stairs, bypassing some rowdy guys who were starting their night. Opening my door, I switched on the light and was pleasantly surprised that Jay hadn't come back to the room yet. But now that he and Jea had "officially" hooked up, did that mean he would no longer use the room? It made sense. Once you were a couple you tended to stay over at the other's place, until you both moved in together. I was pretty sure it would happen; both Jay and Jea could have all the sex they'd want in Jea's apartment. "You back then." Then again, I guess Jay wanted to come back and torture me some more. "Yeah." He crossed the room and took off his jacket, throwing it on his desk chair before sitting down on his bed. He leaned back onto his elbows, which made his sleeveless muscles bulge and his tattoo dance. "Going to stand there?" he asked me, voice cold. I rolled my eyes and followed suit, toeing off my trainers and jumping onto my bed, sitting cross-legged. Jay's mouth quirked a little, and I smiled back. "What are you smiling about?" I shrugged my shoulders, feelings of loneliness and confusion slowly seeping out of me as I looked at Jay. It was odd to be so comfortable around him. Everything was so much easier when it was just us. "What were you doing at the bar?" "What you, my mother?" I shot back, still smiling. He cocked his head to the side, his eyes flashing dangerously. I felt myself flush as he looked at me. I doubt anyone spoke back to him, or even bypassed answering his questions. But me, I had enough experience dealing with controlling men. "I'm not your mother, but then again she ain't too proud of you anyway." I knew it was a cheap shot to get me riled up, but I took a deep breath and kept on smiling. "Well, you can't win them all." "A stick in the mud like you? Oh please. You couldn't handle someone not liking you." "And how would you know? You're too busy thinking with your brain downstairs to actually know what's going in the world." "And you probably don't even know how to use your dick, so let's leave the sexual innuendos out and do what you do best. Be boring." I snorted. "Is that supposed to hurt me Jay? Because if that's all you got, I'm appalled." He stood up, crossing the short distance between us and pushing me back against the bed before climbing on top of me. Yeah, I was hard in an instant. He pushed against me, rubbing his backside against my groin, rolling his hips, and making sweet friction. He bent down and whispered into my ear. "Did the blond guy take you into the toilets and fuck you?" I gasped as he licked my earlobe. "Please... Do you think I'm that cheap." "As you said how would I know? I'm too busy thinking with my dick." He ground against me harder, and I felt myself grabbing his hips to make him rut against me harder and faster. I knew what I was doing, and that made me feel even more like scum. I wanted to sleep with Jay, and I didn't care that he was involved with Jea. Of course, that made me the bastard who seduced the "boyfriend", but at that point my morals had decided to go on holiday. "God, you're so hot," moaned Jay, and I was faintly surprised I was laughing at the porn talk. I guess some wouldn't consider it dirty, but it seemed it was Jay's business to make everything that revolved around sex dirty and clichéd. So I decided to play along. "Tell me...something I don't know." I felt his body vibrate as he laughed. Then he stopped moving against and me and got up. He was still straddling me but no longer humping me. "What?" I asked. "You really want to do this? You really want to have sex?" I guess he knew a little more than he let on, or maybe I was just that transparent. I knew which one was the truth, but I decided taking the other was a better option. Well, for my ego anyway. I pointed at my groin. "That give you any tips?" He smiled. "Sure does, but after I fuck you, I still go back to Jea." That was worse than cold water. I pushed him off me and he fell to the floor with a thud and a wail. I was tempted to step on his balls but decided better of it. What was the saying? `Never kick a man while he's down.' No matter how much he deserved it. Jay got up and rubbed his butt, but he was still smiling. "Funny thing is, I thought I owed something to Jea, but you know what? He can have you. If he's so stupid to believe that you love him, then he deserves the pain he gets." "That's mean, don't you think?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe. But who cares, right? We're all in this alone, and no matter what it's the fucking truth. We are born alone, and we die alone. So why not fucking live alone." "Twins aren't born alone." "Fuck off, Jay. Go to Jea, who'll be sitting at home like a faithful dog while you fuck around behind his back." Jay sat back down on his bed. "I never lied about it. I just never made an issue about it." "Oh gee, sorry Jay. Normal people think that once you start dating you're together. As in you only have sex with each other." "No, straight people think that." At this point I was pretty sure my head was about to explode. "Nice, Jay. So you're both hetero-phobic and stereotypical. Nice to know that all those gays and lesbians out there who fought and still fight for our rights, to show we aren't what narrow-minded people think gays and lesbians are, are actually wasting their time. Because gay men like you actually agree with those bigoted bastards." "I never asked anyone to fight for me. I can do that by myself. And why do we need to change who we are? If we rather fuck around instead of having a relationship, what's that anyone else's business? The only reason bigoted people say smack about the lovely gay community is because they just really want to do what we do. Fuck around and do whatever we want. They just want in." "Are you just stupid or just plain deaf?" "Just because I don't agree with you makes me stupid? Hang on, weren't you the one who was going to sleep with an `attached' man?" "Do you see me denying it?" "No, but what I do see is a boy telling me that I can't be stereotypical and dislike straight people because it's morally wrong. But at the same time throws his morals out the window when it comes to having an affair." "Jay..." "No, Alex. Life is all about be bigoted and narrow-minded. People may be open minded for one thing, but chances are they are narrow-minded for another. Just because you're a part of a group society labels you. Ethnic minority or gay or lesbian, that doesn't mean we all have to be forced into being morally and politically correct. Because guess what? There are gay men out there who won't sleep with a black man, because he's really just a fucking racist. Same with an Asian guy not marrying a white woman. Just because I'm honest doesn't make me stupid, and nor does it make my lifestyle wrong." "I'm sorry, but I can't believe you can actually believe what you're saying." "I'm not here to make you understand me, what I'm saying is the fucking truth. Nobody is right all the time, and no one can make everyone feel equal. Because in this world no one is equal. We might be the white men, but white gay males might as well be shot because they're considered scum like the rest of the coloured folk. And guess what? I'm fine with that, because I know that what comes out my mouth is actually the truth. I might do shitty things and say horrible shit, but whatever I say I'll mean it. I won't back down, and I won't lie. I won't hide who I am." "Sometimes the truth shouldn't be so bare," I whispered. Jay stood up, I was a few feet away from him. He took my hands and held them in his own. His hands were warm and I felt secure in them. "When you start lying to the people you say you care about, that really means you don't care about them at all." "So you're telling me this...?" "Because I care about you." I nodded my head in silent understanding, knowing that despite not agreeing on things he was at least being honest. And that was more than Tom ever gave me. I leaned up and kissed him soundly on the mouth. The pressure of our lips was enough, and I pulled back after a few seconds. "That's my truth," I whispered. --- No offence is intended . These are not my personal thoughts, so no need to send any flames regarding what my "character' have said. This chapter was beta read by my good friend Cate, so you should all thank her for the pretty (edited) words. You can email me at lidyah17[at]yahoo[dot]co[dot]uk for any feedback. You can also join my Yahoo group for future updates.