Classes had begun and were going well. I made a few friends and not surprisingly they were all female. It made me feel comfortable though, and we all hit it off great. Susan sat next to me in our first class and introduced herself right away. She was full of confidence and elegance, and from looking at her I knew she would be every straight guy's dream girl here. Her long blonde hair stopped just at the small of her back, her blue eyes shone with life and her body was moulded for one purpose only: to get any man she wanted.
As our few classes progressed her flirting started to kick in with me.
I was really honoured actually, because there were a few guys who were foaming at the mouth and she was only giving me attention; though I stomped on her attempts a few days later, and told her I was gay. She seemed upset for a few minutes and for those few minutes I really wished I were straight. Eventually it didn't bother her, and she started to drag me on her `girly' shopping trips. I was hopeless with clothes but she insisted I come.
I met Carla and Juliana through Susan. They were dating each other. The three of them had been good friends for three years, and it was nice that they let me join their group. Carla was very small and thin, her brown hair sat just at her shoulders, her skin was a light tan colour. She was intellectual by all means; she was fierce with arguments and women`s rights, and it was no surprise to learn that she was studying for a Law degree. Juliana was slightly more reserved and private, even more so since I joined the group, though. Susan and Carla promised me that she would warm up to me eventually. Juliana had fiery red hair, a strong New York accent, more so from living downtown. She was studying for a business degree, but she looked more of an art major type from the way she dressed and carried herself. I had gone to a few places with her by myself. It was more Carla's doing; she wanted us to "bond". I was happy hanging with them; they were fun and just made me feel a part of them.
The incident with Jay had occurred three weeks ago, and I was still a bit uncomfortable around him, especially so if Jea was in the room. I wasn't jealous of the two at all, but I was just weirded out about their situation. If I was alone with Jea it was great; we had so much fun. I spent a few times with Jea alone in our dorm, but if Jay would come in he would act all possessive of Jea. So I cut my time with both of them, mostly to please Jay. I didn't want him to think the reason why I said what I said three weeks ago was because I liked Jea. I don't know why I felt like that, but I didn't want that drama; if I wanted to date a girl I would have.
Much of my time was spent calling home and talking to my family and friends. I missed them, but the fear of New York was wearing off and I felt more confident in going places alone. Jea offered to take me to a few places but I'd declined. I wanted to learn myself, and being with Jea at the moment felt weird, so I decided to brave it up and walk the streets of New York.
I ended up finding a small café. For some reason I was pulled into small and cosy environments. I pushed open the glass doors and ventured in, the aroma of coffee hit me with force. I ordered some tea and made myself comfortable at the window side table and sat down. I carry my book bag everywhere with me, so I unzipped it and took out Brave New World. I had spent an hour or so when I decided to head back. Saying my good bye's to the owner I left the café. I decided to head to the library to get some work done. The library was open 24/7 which was great for someone like me.
I entered the quiet library and quickly made my way to "my" table, but I saw that someone was already occupying it. Shrugging my shoulders, I dumped my books on the other side of the same table, and sat down.
I yelped loudly when Jay flicked my hand. I looked up to see him smiling brightly.
"Jesus Jay, did you have to scare me?"
"No. That actually wasn't my intention."
I rolled my eyes and gave him a small smile.
"Where have you been? You're hardly at home anymore."
I could sense genuine worry from him, and I knew lying to him wouldn't work. I sighed loudly and bent my head forward.
"I felt uncomfortable."
Jay nodded his head understanding what I meant. I felt weird about the situation, about how Jay, Jea, and I related to each other
"I'm sorry. I've been a lousy roommate."
I shook my head, "Nah, man, it's cool; just some things I ain't used to, likewise you. So no big."
Jay shrugged his shoulders and sighed loudly. "Don't worry about me and Jea anyway. Things have finished."
"Well that was fast," I replied with sarcasm evident in my tone.
Jay looked up, anger flashing in his eyes. I quickly held my hands up in surrender,
Nodding his head, he continued, "He started to want more, and that is something I can't give him or anyone else for that matter."
I felt slightly nauseated. What did he mean by that? "Jay, Jea isn't gay."
Jay laughed lightly, "It doesn't matter. They all want something I can't give them."
Okay, so give me a break here, but I firmly believe that if you are gay, that's you and if you are straight, that's you. I don't believe in this whole bisexual business. I just don't understand it. Nor do I understand straight guys falling for gay guys either. It's just the way I am, I guess or maybe I'm not open minded in this case. I'm gay, I know I am it's biological. I was born gay just like Jea was born straight, or apparently not so.
See this is where it confuses me, they say we are born either gay or straight. So being bisexual, doesn't that shoot down that theory?
"Holden, man, are yah listening," hollered Jay.
"I don't understand?"
"Jesus. Holden, it's all labels; it doesn't matter. The point is that Jea wanted more and I can't give it to him."
"Like sex," okay, so I say stupid things when shocked.
Jay gritted his teeth, "No, as in a commitment, a relationship."
"A straight guy wanted that from a gay guy."
"Oh for fuck sakes, Alex, take a pill and go to sleep. I'm out."
As quick as a bat Jay had packed his bag and left the building while I sat there, my mouth hanging open, and the only thought going through my head, `But Jea is straight.'
For someone who was shocked for the better half of the night, I got some good studying in. Unlike my friends who hated the major they were doing, my course was fun, and I enjoyed math so I never felt bored or tired. When the small hand ticked at two in the morning I quickly packed up and left the library.
I exited the library and was chilled to the bone. I quickly made my way to the dorms, went in and ran up the stairs. I opened my bedroom door as quietly as I could. I was more comfortable with the layout of the room now, so I made my way to my bed without an incident, I chucked my bag on the floor and fell onto my bed, bouncing slightly. I chuckled lightly and bounced again.
I shrieked and fell onto the floor, then started laughing. Jesus, I don't need to get drunk to act like a prat. Jay flicked on the light, rolled onto his side propped up on his elbow, and smiled down at me.
"You are so weird."
I shrugged my shoulders and got up, "I don't usually act like a klutz, for some reason you seem to scare me."
"But you always laugh."
I nodded my head, "Yeah because I remember what I did and it's always funny."
Jay grinned. I sat down on my bed sighing, "Look Jay, sorry for acting like a spaz."
"It's kinda cute when you do."
"Ha Ha. No, I mean at the library, I guess I'm just wired that way."
Jay smiled lightly, "I don't expect everyone to understand; at least you didn't lie about what you believe in."
"So what are you and Jea going to do now?" I'm a curious guy so shoot me.
"I don't know, Alex. He seemed really upset and truthfully I up and left when we finished fucking each other."
I swear my mouth will have to get use to hanging open, because I am a prude and this shit is making me lose a lot of my sanity.
"How could you do that?"
"I guess it's the way I'm wired. Don't condemn me for the way I am."
"I'm not Jay. It's just going to be really weird now. Don't you think you should talk to him?"
Jay nodded slowly, "I guess you're right. I'm just used to walking away from a situation like this."
"Look. Jea is a friend of mine, and I don't want to be in the middle of this. So please at least talk to him, and make peace or whatever you want. Call me selfish but I don't want to live through awkward moments for my duration here."
Jay cocked his head to the side letting his long hair fall to one side. He really was beautiful, and would undoubtedly continue to grow into a handsome man. I let my eyes linger on him, just drinking in his perfection. I saw the corners of his mouth tug into a sly smile, and I rolled my eyes, but of course, I blushed.
"Checking me out, eh, Holden."
I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt of an Irish accent, and fell back on my bed laughing. The sound of the knock on our door made me get up. I was still laughing when I pulled open the door, but stopped immediately when I saw who was standing there.
Jea smiled tightly at me and looked behind me. He saw Jay sitting there on the bed looking anywhere but at him.
"Hey, Alex, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out."
See, this was the reason why I wanted them to talk this out before I started hanging around with either one of them again. I looked back at Jay and saw him smile faintly at me. He knew what I was thinking and it made me feel better that he understood my situation.
"Unless...you guys were doing something?"
I looked back at Jea and saw his eyes harden at me. Okay, now that was a turn of events. That look only meant one thing: Jea now thinks me and Jay are screwing. Okay, so Jea doesn't know me well enough to assume I'm not like that.
"No, we were just talking," said Jay. "I'm going to head out to a party anyway. You two are welcome to come if you want."
"I'll pass," replied Jea shortly.
"I'll stay with Jea. I said, "You go and have fun."
Jay gripped my shoulder and gave me a pat on the back before slipping out the door, brushing past Jea who stood there.
"So you want to come in or do you want to just stand there?"
Jea nodded and came in, shutting the door behind him. He sat on my desk chair and sighed heavily.
"I guess Jay told you everything then."
I sat on my bed wringing my hands in my lap. "Look, I really don't want to be involved in this. Shit, I've only been here for a few weeks, and all this has happened. I'm not use to drama, Jea."
He gave me a wry grin and nodded. "Look, Alex, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything. Jay and I will talk this thing through soon. He also told me about that night at the restaurant, and I felt so bad about it. I never brought it up before because I didn't want to make you feel weird about it."
"It's okay, I'm a big boy."
"I know that dude, but just I'm sorry okay? I'm your friend first and foremost and I got caught up..."
"In Jay. Yes I think everyone does," I replied chuckling at my admission.
"Are you two..."
"Oh God no. Jesus, look, I'd be lying if I denied that I was attracted to Jay. I mean, what's there not to like? But no, we're not having an intimate relationship of any sort. Just friendship."
His eyes brightened up and his shoulders seemed to relax lightly. I guess he was tense about the possibility that Jay may have dumped him for me. Was Jea intimidated by me, and why did that make me happy?
"So what do you want to do?" I asked him, steering away from a conversation I hoped to be finished.
"What have you got? I wouldn't mind watching an Irish movie if you have one."
I shrugged my shoulders and bent down to look at my DVD collection. "Sadly, most of my films are from you folks. I do have tons of British movies. Hang on, I do have Veronica Guerin."
"Yeah. I heard about that, can we watch that?"
"Sure, but it's pretty heavy."
"That's cool, I don't mind."
"All right then, get settled. I'm sure Jay won't mind us watching it on his TV."
I popped in the DVD, and grabbed my bag and pulled out some sweets and crisps and dumped them on my bed.
"HOLY CRAP NON- AMERICAN CANDY."
I jerked back at the sound of Jea's yell, and started laughing while watching him look at the sweets in amazement."
"It's just chocolate," I said, making myself comfortable on my bed.
"Yeah, but they don't exist here," he replied as he ripped the wrappers off the chocolate bars and sat munching away. The movie began and we became deeply engrossed.
The credits rolled in and I yawned loudly. The film was deeply disturbing and sad. It looked into the life of an Irish journalist who tried to reveal the truth about the corrupt society of Ireland, and was murdered in her attempts to bring out the drug dealers. That story enough took a lot out of me. I looked over at Jea; he was sound asleep. I smiled at his sleeping face, drinking in his innocence. I didn't have the heart to wake him up, so I chucked the wrappers on the floor, pulled the duvet over us turned my back and fell asleep in the complete darkness.
Proof read by Morgan & Gardner