Thanks to Gavin and Gardner for looking through this for me.
Yahoo Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lidyah17/
"What the fuck is going on in here?!"
The voice exploded so loudly that I leapt off the bed and fell unceremoniously onto the carpeted floor. It seemed that every morning in New York entailed my having carpet burns and sleepless nights. I looked into the gorgeous eyes of my roommate; he looked good enough to eat. Dressed in loose Levis jeans and a tight black T-shirt that showed off his muscular tan arms and tattoo, he had my heart racing in excitement and fear.
"Th...This is so not what it looks like," I stuttered over my words. My days were spent trying to keep peace between the both of us. I had yet to learn a lot about my roommate. Rumours of Jay being the lead star always peeked my interest. As whispers flew about his sexual appetite and past sexual rendezvous had me locking myself in the bathrooms a few times. However, the rumours about his black temper had me flinching in fear. If they were anything to go by, I would make it my duty to keep on his good side.
"Want to explain this to me then?" His stance took a more threatening look and I knew my time to explain the situation was ticking away.
"Jea...he came over to watch a film, remember last night?" He merely nodded at that but it seemed he wanted more. "He ended up falling asleep, and so did I..." I trailed off; this Jay was slightly scary. I'd never seen him so angry; he was almost frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog.
"So you decided to spoon each other," he spat angrily at me. It was rather strange for me to sit back and take abuse that wasn't even valid. But his smouldering dark eyes and scowl told me to keep my mouth shut tight.
"You don't see me fucking in this room," he shouted loudly. I dared a glance at Jea's sleeping form, and I saw him in a blissful state, and drooling all over my cotton pillow cases. I guess Jay saw the dared glance as he smirked lightly.
"Oh, he sleeps through anything. I would know," his sneer grew and I felt suddenly ashamed.
"L...look Jay...we didn't do anything...I wouldn't do anything like that. Plus, look, I'm wearing clothes and so is he...we just feel asleep," I felt like smacking myself; I sounded like a retarded four year old trying to string a comprehendible sentence together.
"I don't like my ex-fucks laying around in my room. Get him the fuck out of here!" With that he picked up the bag that lay at the foot of his bed and strode off slamming the door behind him. I winced at the erratic sound and a sleepy voice behind me awoke from its innocent slumber.
After pushing a confused Jea out the door and promising to meet him at the coffee shop he first took me too, I shut the door and crawled back into my bed. The pillows and sheets smelled of Jea's unique fragrance I smiled at that. He looked feminine; it would only make sense for him to actually smell feminine too. But the weak odour of his drool made me realise that I would need to wash my sheets anyway. I lay on my back cradling my head on my folded hands and re-lived the morning with Jay. True, it had only been a month or so since we started our freshmen year, but that was hardly an excuse not to get to know the person you're living with.
This was the first time I saw him angry, and I knew from the look in his eyes that it had nothing to do with Jea and I me sleeping in the same bed together, nor could I even entertain the idea that maybe he liked me and was pissed at the notion that I was holding Jea as we both slept. No, it looked like something else. My time with Tom made me aware of the difference between anger that is directed towards you and anger that is about something else but is released on you for some sort of relief.
I blanched at remembering Tom, not in disdain or hurt but more in remembering the pact that I made with myself and my sister to forget about that phase of my life. I indulged the idea that maybe one day soon enough I could tell Jay about Tom; but the way our friendship was going it wouldn't happen anytime soon. I couldn't fathom the idea of telling Jea about Tom, and that is what annoyed me the most. As far as good friends go, Jea would be mine; his constancy and loyalty made me realise that he'd be my friend for the rest of my life.
Jay, on the other hand, outwardly appeared like he was all there, happy, outgoing, popular and the total playboy. But to say I could count on him would mean I still believed in the tooth fairy. Because today he showed another aspect of himself, something I guess he tried hard to keep under wraps.
I still got nervous around angry people, but after years of talking to psychologists and doctors and, heck, even therapists, I learned to observe the reaction and muster what meaning could have been behind the attack. Maybe I'd ask him what the problem was after classes were finished. I stood up and made my way to my dresser to get ready for my eleven o'clock class.
I couldn't believe I acted like a fucking asshole towards Alex; he didn't deserve that. It's not like I could tell him why I yelled at him, and instead I had to continue living this fucking lie around him and everyone around me. I had another fight with mom. As usual, it's like she could sense when I'm happy or having a good time. I won't give this piss poor tale that my life is run on electric wires that any day I can fall and I won't have a safety net to catch me. Odd analogy but it works for me in my situation. No matter how hard I work, everyone thinks I succeed because of my charm and good looks. My mother despises me since she and dad no longer even sleep together. Wouldn't it be easier if I just chocked myself, or over-dosed `accidentally', then I wouldn't have to keep going through this damn tirade everyday for the rest of my damned life. But I don't because that would mean my mom would have won, and I won't give that bitch that satisfaction. To everyone on the outside we look like this perfect family, all starry eyed and shiny, something out of the Brady bunch family. But on the inside I've lost count on the number of drunken fights, the bruises, broken glass and screams.
I'm the only one who gets to see the lovely family troubles, as my younger brothers are shipped off to my grandmothers as often as possible. God forbid they see my drunken mother and my tweaked out father puking on the Persian rug, which in the end I would be forced to clean up. It was a real bitch of a fight when my mother learned I would be attending NYU on full athletic scholarship and the additional academic scholarship meant that I would be living in the dorms. Oh, she did everything to change that last detail, but as the scholarship stated it would only be paid in full if I actually stayed in the dorms. Good news for me, and bad news for her; my father at that point was too busy secretary's ass to actually give two fucks.
When they met Alex I was sure to hell that they would start some fucked up shit, but to my surprise they didn't. But apparently Harrison Taylor's parents were just down the hall; I'm sure the Senator and his wife wouldn't have appreciated my parent's way off a good time, like my mother's trying to fuck Alex, and my father's trying to score some free pot from one of the dealers on my floor.
I would try to surmise a reason why my mother hates me so much, but the only thing I can possibly come up with is that she is royally pissed that I am not the fuck up child that she so desperately wanted to have. Instead she messed up my father who once use to be a kind man. My only advice to her would be she still had two more sons to try that tactic out with, but then again, she knew I'd kill her if she even tried to jeopardize their sanities just so she could get a kick out of it.
My last class was cancelled since my teacher decided to get stuck in traffic. It was a three o'clock class. I just assumed that teachers came in at eight in the morning and left like at five or something. I made my way back to my room, I was meeting Jea after his five o'clock class and I had two hours to kill.
Taking two steps at a time, I quickly rounded the corner and headed towards my dorm room. I stuck the key into the hole and unlocked the door. I closed it behind me and turned around to see Jay lounging on his bed doing some homework.
"Hey Alex," replied Jay quietly.
"I didn't know you'd be here" I said throwing my bag onto my bed and plopping down.
"I had a headache and blew my last class."
"Oh." Time seemed to expand into nothingness as Jay stared at his book, and I stared at his angelic face. After a few minutes he looked up and gave me a small shy smile.
"I'm sorry about this morning."
"It's okay." He didn't explain why he blew up at me, nor did I think he would. He apologised for his behaviour and I guess for him that's all that needed to be said.
"Look, how about me and you head over to a few clubs later on tonight?"
To say I was shocked would be an understatement; since I've come to New York I've only gone out with Jay once, and that ended badly. But the sincerity in his voice was enough to make me say yes to anything he wanted.
"Sure, where are we going to go?" I asked.
He smiled mischievously at me, "You'll see."