Date: Sat, 7 Jul 2012 11:35:01 +0200 From: Shawn Edwards Subject: with all my heart 5a I had waited so long hoping i would see my mystery man. He was indeed a mystery, nowhere to be found. I had lost all hope.My Spanish guy didnt exist. I woke up Monday morning feeling mad at myself for not introducing myself. I had been a complete jerk for not even trying to introduce myself. I got into the lecture room before everyone else and sat alone for some time. I heard footsteps but chose to ignore them. "Hey, is anybody sitting besides you?" I heard a very sexy spanish accent. I didn't look up, my mind was occupied with things far beyond the horizon. "No." i replied absent mindedly. "Great, can i sit next to you?" he asked. I just nodded and heard him sit. I could hear the sexy accent and in the back of my mind i knew it was someone i thought had died so long ago. Being angry at myself as i was i swore i would never again let my life rotate around a guy like that, that is why i was trying by all means to ignore whoever that was sitting next to me. I knew if i wanted to look i would fall and make a repetition of joe and the spanish guy all over again. "You could have come down and said hello." I dint look at that time. It then occured to me he was no ordinary guy. It was him and he was sitting next to me yet i was so busy trying to forget him i hadn't noticed. "Where have you been?" i asked without thinking. Showing him i had been looking all over for him. "Why?, have you been looking for me?" I didn't reply there and then. I could not sink it all in. I had spent days, i had been everywhere looking for him and now he was here in the flesh, handsome as he was. I felt like i was seeing a beautiful ghost. He was a sight to see. There was no way i was playing dumb again. I had him now and i wasn't letting go, not now not never. I promised myself i wouldnt be shy. "Yeah i have" i replied part of the question then giggled like a little girl. "Why?" he asked again, the question i wanted to ignore. I looked at him, he was staring deep into my eyes. I took a glance into his dark brown eyes then looked down again,shy. Damn he was bold. "I dont know, i just wanted to see you" i said then wished i hadn't. I had been too honest. I could feel his stare. "See me?" "Yeah." "Why?" he asked. I had wanted to see him badly and i had been praying i would but right now i wished i could get away. He was frying me with questions. "I just wanted to apologise for not saying hello" i lied. "You are lying. I get the feeling there is more." God knew i loved this guy but right now he was manipulating me. I would't let my feelings blind me from standing guard. "What do you think?" i asked, getting annoyed at the fact that he could see right through me. "I think you wanted me, and not to see me" "Dont flatter yourself dude, i'm straight" i said. He laughed, so hard he drew the attention of the people who were starting to fill the lecture room. "If you are what you say you are then why are you being shy like a little girl infront of a boy." he said then pierced me more with his stare. I had never met someone more proud and boastful like he was. He had shown me a side of him i didn't like, and to think i could love him. I was totally pissed, it was true what they said, the truth hurt. He had told me the truth. It wasn't only that. he could see right through me and i now wished i had never met him. I felt naked and embarassed. I got up without saying a word and stormed out of the room like a spoiled bitch, damn he was right and i hated him for that. I lay on my bed with my eyes closed trying to shut myself out of the brutal world. I shut my eyes as best as i could. I didnt want to face the reality of what had just happened. he was straight, not only that, he was an arrogant and egoistic bastard aswell. as if that wasnt enough he knew i was gay and that i had a crush on him. with joe it had been different. he didnt know i was gay plus he didnt know i had a crush on him. he knew and he would give me hell for that. I was in too deep. There nolonger was hope of finding love. I looked at the time it was just 9pm yet my day was already down the drain. maybe i wasnt meant for college. i was better off in high school being the quiet one. at times like these i missed my best friend so much. i really needed somebody to talk to. i wanted to skype her but she would be in lectures. I sighed trying to let it out but it was useless. I hear a knock on the door. I prayed it was joe. i got up lazily then opened the door. i wanted to slam it into his face but that smile sucked all my will and i couldnt do it. i looked at those neatly arranged shiny milk white teeth and forgot everything. he smiled as if nothing had happened earlier on. i gestured him im and i sat on my favourite couch overlooking the balcony where i stood when i first laid eyes on him. he sat next to me. "I'm really sorry for that." he said smilling. He was now the guy i had been looking for and it was difficult to stay mad at him. 'Its fine.' i said. now shy again as before. 'just dont do it again its very annoying' i continued, giving him a piece of my mind. 'I know, its just that i couldnt help myself. i have not been myself the last couple of days.' he stopped. I became attentive, giving him the chance to speak. i looked into those sexy brown eyes and appreciating his face. he was so handsome and i loved his calm tone as he spoke. I could tell from his face he had something real serious to say. my heart was pounding, i wanted to hear what he had to say. 'Ever since i laid eyes on you i havn't been the same. i have started feeling things and i have been so overwhelmed that when you told me you had been looking for me i just got carried away and thought you loved me because i think i feel the same for you and i was hoping you would feel for me thats why i said you were gay' I could believe my ears something wasnt right. i saw he still had more to say. 'I know this sounds weird but are you by any chance gay? i really need to know because i can't hide from you anymore.' he said. Okay so he had been hiding whilst i looked for him, but why? all that didnt matter, he had just proposed to me. he had just told me he loved me and wished i was gay. how was i going to take all this?. i had to be sure of my decision or i would repeat the same mistake twice.