Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2016 17:34:32 -0700 From: Jon Hold Subject: Black as Night 1/3 Black as Night by Jon Hold jonhold@earthlink.net Copyright ©1999, 2016 by the Author This is an updated, rewritten and finished version which should replace all previous versions. Fall, 2016 This story may be archived by Nifty and No Others! Individuals are given permission to keep one (1) electronic and one (1) printed copy of the story. Please do not repost this story. Thanks. This is a story of a man and an anonymous cock having sex. If there are legal ramifications or personal objections to reading such material, then don't. Otherwise, enjoy. This story was written at the request of James Bond (Guys actual name), and is dedicated to him. Please, if you enjoy this story, and/or others on Nifty, Please make a donation, Please. Part 1 I got in a mood a while back and ended up punching a deputy sheriff in the nose. Long story, but the short version is that my lawyer got me off, but I spent some time in a small country jail waiting for court. One cell, one bunk bed, one red exit light at the end of the room, and a loud 'CLANG' as they locked the door behind me. Someone was already in the upper bunk so, fully dressed, I got into the lower bunk as quietly as I could. My eyes slowly adjusted to the dark, but I still couldn't see much more than a few dim shapes and the glow from the exit sign. The person in the upper bunk started moving around and I started getting really tense. No telling what sort of criminal they'd locked me up with! I saw something odd happening and, by quietly moving around a little myself, managed to see that there was a hole in the mattress over my head and whoever was up there had dropped their cock and balls down through the hole so that they just hung there. Pretty ballsy move, I thought, and a good way to lose your equipment. Now, I'll admit that I've sucked a cock or two. I'll even admit that I've sucked a few anonymous glory hole cocks. But this was like TOO weird. I mean, I didn't have to worry about anyone walking in, because the sheriff had told me that the jail was deserted at night except for the prisoners. This podunk little town didn't even have a night patrol. Just the sheriff and one deputy. So here I was, locked in jail, sitting in the dark, staring at a big cock hanging in front of my face. And that was the main problem. I could have ignored this entire situation and just put the pillow over my head, but, I admit that I'm definitely a size queen, and that damn thing was hanging there seven, maybe eight fat inches long -- and looked like it was soft. Unable to hold myself back, I reached up and touched the damn thing. It was soft. And even after coming through the mattress the damn thing measured almost two hands long. The balls hung in a long, loose sac and were enormous. One of those heavy sets of nuts that you just knew had to make quarts of cum every day. I milked the thing in my hand like it was a cow teat and it swelled right up and got stiff as hell, sticking forward some now instead of just hanging down where the balls now swung in lonely splendor. This thing had enough foreskin, a nice loose one, for two dicks, and was starting to drool all over my hand. I soon had one hand full of balls and the other hand full of hot cock and a mouth that was watering in anticipation. Both balls and cock had a heavy, solid, smooth, velvety feel to them that I'd never experienced before. My hands told me that I had at least ten inches of fat cockmeat on my side of the mattress and what had to be the better part of a pound of sperm factory. THIS was the cock I'd been looking for! When my face got close I pulled the foreskin off the big bulge of cockhead. Waves of perfume assaulted my nose, the smell of the ripe headcheese and another, unidentifiable, but wildly masculine odor swelling the lining of my nose until it felt like my nose was going to get as erect as the tingling cock between my thighs. My jaw had to stretch so wide to encompass the bulky cockhead that it felt painful. Like my jaw joints were going to break. My throat felt like it was loosing its virginity again as I struggled to accept this master organ inside of me. By the time the mattress was pushing against my wide-stretched lips, I felt like I was totally impaled on the dick of death --- my asshole was twitching --- and I was loving it! By gulping with my throat muscles I managed to make the cock swell even further. I loved the way it filled me and stretched my jaws apart, I felt like I was being controlled by this manly organ. Knowing that if I passed out I'd be safe because I'd just fall to my bed, I held my position until waves of darkness were filling my head. It wasn't until I was ready to black out that I pulled back and sucked enough air into my lungs to give me the strength to impale myself completely again. Snorting and slobbering all over the place, I was making a mess, but didn't give a damn as lust took over and made me totally cock crazy. This time the guy in the bunk above waited for me to have my face crushed into the wires supporting his mattress and then he pulled back a little and fucked himself down into my throat as far as he could go. From that point on I kept my face in position so that he could fuck the hole in his mattress like it was a pussy. He gave my throat a totally thorough fucking, a masterful, powerful and complete fucking, pulling back to let me breathe only when it became apparent that I was about to black out. He liked to pull back until just his fat cockhead fit into my mouth so that my lips and tongue could show their appreciation to the mouth-filling bulk of his wide-flared cockhead while I was trying to suck in enough air to last me during his next deep throat fucking. My lips would slurp his loose foreskin back and forth so that I could play with it as well and he would moan and groan deep in his rumbling chest until he was right on the edge. When my fucker decided that I'd played enough and had enough air, he'd fuck back down into my throat and deliver more of his hard, deep fucking until I was ready to pass out again. Sometimes he'd only allow me one breath before deep cocking me again. Sometimes he'd let me catch my breath before deep fucking my throat. But always, he was in charge. I knew, without asking, that this stud had the control to deny me any further access to his magnificent cock if I didn't acquiesce totally to his mastery. From the time he started fucking me, I never once pulled back from the hole in the mattress, even when he was bouncing it hard against my face. I loved the feeling when his whole body weight would slam the mattress into my face and slam his cock completely down my throat. Then he'd pull back and bounce back down even harder, Over and over and over. Fucking me. Fucking my throat. Using me for his sexual needs. Using me like some ten dollar whore he'd picked up off the street or like a teenager fucking his mattress during an erotic dream. My mind fogged out and all I could do was concentrate on giving the most pleasure I could to the huge cock fucking my throat. My fuckers reactions told me that he was really enjoying himself and my eagerness to please him. His cock seemed especially impressed by the fact that no matter how hard or deep he fucked me, I stayed in place and took the fucking he was administering. He fucked me for down the throat a deliciously long time before starting a whole series of long cocking fuck thrusts that paid no attention to my need to breathe. Faster and faster he fucked until finally he just hunched against the mattress, moaning and shaking the whole bunkbed as his cockhead swelled up and sealed itself deep in my gullet. I could feel him pulsing his cum directly into my stomach. My throat was sealed so tightly by the swollen cockhead and shaft that not the slightest taste of his cum could reach my mouth. I felt myself passing out from lack of oxygen. I became too weak to support myself and hung there on the end of his cock as the final waves of blackness swept over me and his cock finally shrunk enough to let me slide slickly down his saliva and sputum covered cock until I fell to my bed. Part 2 I woke up kind of foggy with the sun barely casting light on the dingy walls of the jail cell. My mouth was gummy and pasty tasting so I got up and stumbled over to the stainless steel sink. It was kind of gross with rust and accumulated crud, but I cupped my hand and got a drink anyway. Licking my lips and wiping my mouth on my sleeve I stood up and turned around. Laying in the top bunk was a huge black man holding a limp monster in his hand and shaking it at me. "Hey, white boy. You want some more of this?" Desperately, I looked all around the cell and even into the short passage leading to the iron exit door. No matter how hard I looked, there was only me and this huge, battered faced black man in the cell. Which meant... "What's the matter, white boy? Cat got your tongue?" I stood there aghast, terrified as the huge black mass of muscle slid out of the bed and took the one long step needed to stand right in front of me. The same hand that had been holding that monster cock was suddenly wrapped around the back of my neck and my eyes jerked up from the huge hanging cock to the battered face right in front of me. "What's the matter sweetheart? Bashful? No need to be with old Jimmy. Jimmy gonna be your best friend whiles you here!" "Uhhh, uhhh..." was about all I could say as this hulk stepped up against me and held my head in place as he covered my lips with his big, wide, soft mouth and pushed my teeth apart with his strong pink tongue. I was like a baby in his arms as I dangled there being mouth fucked more than kissed as his other powerful hand explored my ass quite thoroughly. I felt like a doll he was playing with, quite powerless to resist him, and terrified to even try. I'd seen black people before, but my parents hired only Irish servants, so I'd never actually talked to a black person before, and now I had one taking intimate liberties with me. I knew it was very wrong, and dangerous, to let this be happening here in the deep south, but what could I do? I started to struggle, pushing against his broad and rock hard chest. "What's the matter, Baby? You afraid somebody gonna walk in on us? It just dawn now, and Sheriff doan show up 'til eight or nine o'clock anyways. We gots at least two hours for me to take care a you, hunny." Oh, my God! This ignorant, Southern criminal was going to 'take care' of me. I started to panic, but the big molester just gathered me up in his arms and patted my back and stroked my hair until I calmed down. I tried to figure out what it was that I was so afraid of. This man had never hurt me, even though he could any time he wanted too. Even when in the depths of passion and with a mattress between us last night he had known when I needed him to slow down or pull back, and he always did. And as far as size went, he was the ideal dream I'd had for years, only upholstered in velvet black instead of Irish white linen or Italian brown suede. Besides, I had NEVER had anyone, and I've had the highest priced and highly rated call boys available, not anyone, who made love to me as completely and thoroughly as he had last night, and he'd been handicapped by the mattress between us. So, what was it I was scared of? His blackness? Why? What did that have to do with how he made me feel? I decided to give him a chance and relaxed in his arms. Giving me a big hug, he said, "That's my baby! You okay now?" I, somewhat bashfully I admit, nodded my head 'Yes'. "That's Jimmy's big boy! You want Jimmy to take care of you this morning, Baby?' Blushing bright red, I nodded 'Yes' again. Laughing gently in his deep chest, he gave me a big hug again. It felt wonderful to be held by someone this strong and overpowering. I was just a toy in his arms, and I knew it. "That's my baby!" he laughed. "You want to make Jimmy happy, don't you, Baby!" I buried my face into Jimmy's muscly chest and nodded 'Yes' again. "You wanta get undressed for Jimmy so he can see his baby all over?" I nodded my head against his chest again. He stood there holding me loosely and rubbing my back for several minutes before asking. "Do you want Jimmy to undress his baby boy?" I blushed so red that I know he could feel it through his rough cotton shirt, but I nodded 'Yes' one more time. Jimmy put my feet back down on the ground again and bent over and kissed the top of my head as he patted my bottom. Jimmy carefully unbuttoned my shirt and helped me out of it just like I was a hairless little boy with my governess again, only Jimmy kept talking about how beautiful his baby's skin was and how pretty his little boy was and how wonderful I felt until I was blushing all the way down my chest. Jimmy tossed my shirt over to the bunkbed and then gently tweaked my little brown nipple. I flinched back, as an electric shock seemed to snap out from my little titty, and moved my upper arm up as if to cover and protect myself. Jimmy put his broad hand on my back to hold me in place as he gave my lips an incredibly soft kiss. "I'm sorry, Baby. Jimmy didn't know yo' paps was so tender. Let Jimmy make it all better", he offered. Bending down, he lightly caressed my nipple with the big soft cushions of his lips until it was stiff and hard and sticking out from my chest as it sent a constant stream of electrical shocks across my chest and up into my brain. My arms tightened around Jimmy's neck and I strained my tit up against his mouth. Laughing that lovely warm laugh deep in his chest again, Jimmy swiped that big, fat, wet, warm, soft, bumpy tongue of his slowly across the nipple he had just got done sensitizing. I went straight up on my toes and couldn't decide whether to cum or just jump completely out of my skin. Continuing to chuckle, Jimmy slid his lips across my chest and when they surrounded my other nipple I started to go crazy in Jimmy's strong arms. Jumping and twitching and jiggling around as he continued the happy, satisfied sound of his chuckling and worked both my titties over. Coming out of the pleasurable madness he was driving me into, I realized that no one had EVER made me feel like this, and all he was doing was playing with my titties. Well, I noticed, not quite all. He had a hand down the back of my pants and was caressing my bare bottom, even running a broad fingertip across my tight little pucker once in a while. Jimmy pulled back and I tightened my arms around his bull neck and started to cry, afraid that he was done. "Doan worry, Baby. Jimmy just gonna finish undressing you so he can see his baby." Giving me a big hug, Jimmy completely encircled my waist with his big hands and lifted me easily up until I was sitting on the stainless steel sink. Jimmy sank down onto one knee and then carefully untied my shoe and set it down on the ground. Then he slid my silk stocking off and told me what beautiful feet I had. To confirm this, he kissed each of my toes and then slipped them into his mouth, using his tongue to explore between each of my slender toes. No one had ever done anything like this to me before and I couldn't believe how it felt. I was going ballistic again and Jimmy came off my toes, looked up at me, and grinned. "Does Jimmy's little baby boy like that?" Somewhere in my ecstasy I managed to gather the energy to nod 'Yes' and Jimmy just laughed louder and then bent over and took half of my foot into his mouth and swiped his pebbly tongue across the sole of my foot. That was unbelievably sensuous and at the same time I'm unbelievably ticklish. I forgot about everything except what Jimmy was doing and how it felt, jumping around on the sink and giggling like a little kid. It was wonderful. I could barely hold still while Jimmy removed my other shoe and sock and made my right foot feel as good as my left foot. By the time Jimmy lifted me down to the ground and set me on my feet again, I was totally in his spell. I trusted him and wanted him to trust me and keep making me feel so good. Jimmy unfastened my belt and trousers and I stepped out of them when he lowered them down to the ground. He tossed them onto the bunk too and told me what beautiful legs I had, running his hands up and down them and making me really horny. I only have about a four and a half inch erection, but it was sticking straight out in my underpants and leaking like crazy, making a big wet spot on the front of my shorts that Jimmy was staring at. Suddenly ashamed, I hung my head and blushed bright red. Jimmy lifted my chin and looked into my tear filmed eyes. Feeling my short cock and little balls with his other hand he said, "Baby? What's the matter? Jimmy thinks his baby's wee wee and little peanuts are just perfect for his little boy!" Jimmy bent over and kissed me passionately as he continued to fondle my stiffy and I started spurting cum into my underpants and Jimmy's hand as I put my hands behind Jimmy's curly haired head and attacked his lips in an orgasmic frenzy. Even kneeling down, Jimmy was almost as tall as me and he just held me and kept fondling me until I was done cumming. Jimmy finally stood up and I grabbed the sink behind me for support. "Would Baby like to see his Jimmy naked now?" I just nodded my agreement and stood there, shaking and weak kneed as Jimmy walked over to his bunk and started pulling off his clothes. I watched, fascinated, as Jimmy slowly unbuttoned his shirt and then pulled it off and laid in on his bunk. His chest was absolutely magnificent. Hard plates of almost hairless dark flesh with two dark black nipples that stuck out and made my mouth water. He kicked off his shoes and I noticed that he wasn't wearing any socks. He unbuttoned his pants and stepped out of them revealing a pair of baggy, nondescript boxer shorts. He turned around to hang his pants on the bunkbed and then just slipped his boxers down and bent over to pull them off. His ass was a magnificent mass of hard muscle that was covered from his waist down with tightly curled black hair. I saw his hole as he bent all the way over and my eyes remained riveted as he straightened up and turned around. Everything in the world disappeared except for my view of the appendage dangling from his groin. Adjectives fail as I attempt to describe what danced before my eyes as Jimmy took several short steps towards me instead of the one big step he had taken earlier, as if he knew how totally aware I was of how the heavy gonads and dark and mysterious organ swung from side to side as he moved. I think Jimmy slowed down for me, but in my mind everything was happening in slow motion; a leg lifting and a foot going down as the stretched scrotum stuck to the warm flesh and the jumbo eggs rolled out of the way; dark tube bouncing off of the rising leg and swinging ponderously over to the other side only to slap against the rising flesh of the leg to recoil and swing in its lumbering arc back over to the other side. Jimmy's final step placed him right in front of me and as his foot went down on the ground I followed it down onto both knees and began kissing and making love to Jimmy's magnificent offering. My hands came up and with the lightest of touches, as if I were afraid of scaring him away, tried to hold him in place. Jimmy smiled down at me and reached over my arm, down between his legs and lifted his cock, skinning back the foreskin to expose the pink colored head and the little flecks of cock cheese that had collected since I had sucked him the night before. My eyes widened and Jimmy's smile widened at the same speed and he asked, "Does Baby want Jimmy's cock?" My eyes were fixated on the knob of damp flesh in front of me and my only response was for my mouth to drop open. "That's my baby," Jimmy said as he fed his cockhead and shaft into my mouth and down my throat. My eyes almost ripped out of their sockets as they tried to watch his cockhead pass through my lips and down my throat. Jimmy chuckled and stroked my hair as he pushed my face firmly into the rough mass of curly cockhair covering his crotch. I swallowed and Jimmy smiled down at me as he said, "Baby knows exactly what Jimmy needs, doesn't he!" I felt Jimmy's cock swell a little bit and then start to rumble. 'Jesus Christ' I thought. 'He's pissing down my throat!' And that's exactly what he was doing. No one had ever done anything like this to me but when I looked up at the huge black man and saw how good I was making him feel, how he looked down at me, admiring the way I was taking care of him, enjoying being able to finally release his morning collection of piss; I knew that there was nothing I would do to interrupt how much he was enjoying releasing his biological pressure deep into my throat. When he finally finished pissing, I was just about to black out again, but Jimmy pulled his cock back and stripped down the last few drops of his piss onto my tongue as I sucked in great lungfulls of air. His piss tasted as wonderful as the air rushing into my lungs and I knew that if he ever let me taste his piss again, it would always be as good as fresh air to me. Jimmy rubbed his cockhead all over my lips while I caught my breath and even managed to produce several more drops of his deep yellow piss for me. Looking down and seeing the color back in my lips and face, Jimmy smiled and asked, "Jimmy would like to see how you managed to take such good care of him last night. Would it be okay for Jimmy to watch you suck his cock this morning, Baby?" I just smiled bashfully and nodded a little bit. Jimmy smiled back and said, "That's Jimmy's good baby!" as he fed his cockhead and shaft back down my throat. Part 3 I looked up at Jimmy and smiled. Then, I just swallowed and closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Jimmy's entire cock swelling up and filling my throat. Before long, Jimmy was fucking my throat as hard as I was sucking his cock, neither of us able to get enough of each other. Jimmy ran his hand down over my buttocks and down under my shorts. He pulled his cock out and I gasped for air as he stood me up and shucked me out of my shorts. As soon as they were off and out of his way I fell back down on my knees and swallowed him to the root again. Jimmy hugged my head into his crotch and wiggled his hips and said, "Ooooooh, Tha's MY Baby!" I snuggled, nursing, into his groin as he bent over my back and started playing with my ass again. I loved the feelings he was giving me and sucked avidly to return the favor as much as I could. He let go of my ass and stood up, running his warm hands up and down my back. He leaned backwards and to the side and I sucked on his shining black fuckshaft as hard as I could to keep any more from escaping from my mouth. He grunted but managed, bent over backwards like that, to work his hand over the windowsill until he could grab a handful of what turned out to be little foil wrapped pats of butter. One by one he opened up those little foil packets and one by one he worked those pats of butter up inside my bottom. First using just his forefinger and then swapping off and using all fingers of both hands, one after the other to penetrate, explore and stretch me open. Fucking my throat seemed to become less and less interesting to him as he concentrated on my butthole, lubricating and stretching it. That was just fine with me because it gave me a chance to do a little exploring of my own with my mouth, lips and tongue while I just relaxed and let him have his masculine way with my ass. After a while he was able to work pairs of fingers easily up inside of me, and then even three fingers at a time. My favorite though, was when he'd use two fingers from each hand to really stretch and pull at my eager hole. I was rapidly loosing my concentration on Jimmy's big cock when he slapped my ass and told me to stand up. He had to help me up and I just stood there shaky legged until he turned me around and leaned me over the stained stainless steel sink. Taking the last pat of butter he used four fingers to open me up as far as he could. Leaning down and hooking his chin over my shoulder he whispered into my ear, "I'm sorry, Baby. I know it's gonna hurt you, and that you might not be able too, but I jest gotta try to screw that fine ass of yours. My answer was to bend the rest of the way over and hold onto the cold sink as hard as I could while sticking my butt back at Jimmy, praying for deliverance as I offered my ass to him to do with as he pleased. Sobbing, Jimmy took hold of my side in one big hand and pulled the other out of my ass and used it to put the ball of his swollen cockhead right up against my ass. I pushed back with my guts and my hole opened up around the precum slickened nose of Jimmy's cock where it peeked out of the shrouding foreskin. I farted and Jimmy laughed as the entire head of his cock rolled forward through the fart and his foreskin into me. Jimmy was right. It hurt like hell! But it was also the most wonderful feeling I'd ever had. The wonderfully masculine gentle beast on my back was taking his pleasure and I wanted to be a part of that more completely than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I couldn't stifle the moan in my throat, but I pushed back against him again and in one long steady push he entered me to the root of his lust swollen big black cock. I cried out in pain and tears poured out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them. He WAS right! It DID hurt! Jimmy tried to pull back, to pull out to stop the pain I was in. I reached back and sunk my tallons into his thigh, drawing blood. "Don't you DARE take it out!!!" I screamed. "Don't you DARE!!! Put it in all the way!" I demanded, pulling on his leg with my imbedded fingernails and pushing my ass back at him. Jimmy understood immediately what I needed. He slapped my ass, hard!, and then pushed his cock all the way into me just as hard. Jimmy grabbed my other hip in his free hand and pulled me solidly back against his groin, holding me there while I quivered and groaned, moaned and sighed as I adjusted to the massive intrusion. I had once paid to be given a huge enema. Jimmy was filling me more, and better, than that hot, soapy enema had. And I knew that, unlike the enema, Jimmy would soon be fucking me with his cock. Fucking me hard. Noticing that I was adjusting to his size, Jimmy pulsed his groin and I moaned, delighted, as his cock swelled and shrank with the pulse, only inside me! Jimmy grinned, knowing that he had me. He pulsed again, this time mixing the swelling in my guts with a deep grinding motion with his tightly curled, wiry pubes. I moaned loudly and Jimmy chuckled, pulled me back hard into his groin and slowly stirred my guts as he ground his rotating hips into my ass. The next thing I knew, I was begging Jimmy to take care of me, to give me more --- and Jimmy was pure man fucking my ass. Slapping my butt and giving me the cock I craved and fucking me the way the object of a real man's lust should be fucked. I didn't care if Jimmy tore me a new asshole, I wanted him to fuck me wildly, crazily, without let or hinderance. I wanted to be cock fucked up the ass and Jimmy was doing it. Doing me. Fucking ME! Fucking MY asshole. Fucking me hard and wild. I started cumming and couldn't stop. When all the cum was busted out of my balls and Jimmy was still tearing me up inside and my body insisted on cumming some more, I started cumming in my guts. Cumming like I'd heard women came. From deep inside me. So powerful. So strong. So hard and long. Fucking me. Fucking me crazy. My ass was getting pounded and all I could do was beg for more. Jimmy picked me up effortlessly and put me on my back on my bed. He never came out of me, just picked me up with his cock still imbedded in me, bedded me, laid his body on top of mine, trapping my legs against our sides. His soft, full lips covered mine and our tongues met as he began fucking me face-to-face, just like a man fucking a woman. I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. The next thing I knew, Jimmy was holding me over by the sink and was gently sponging me clean with his wet t- shirt. Then I was sitting on my bed and the sheriff was unlocking the cellblock door to bring us breakfast. I was pretty out of it, but I was amazed at how ignorant Jimmy suddenly became and how subservient and groveling he behaved. My lawyers appeared with a State warrant for my release and I went bail for Jimmy and he went to work for me that day. Outside of our house, Jimmy is my chauffeur, gardner, handyman and general gofer. He does what he is told to do, when he is told to do it, is constantly respectful, "Yas, Sah'ing" and "No Sah'ing". Giving me status by making me a slave owner in an age that refuses to admit to slavery, but continues to yearn for it. Inside the house, Jimmy, my daddy, spanks his baby when his baby needs it and walks around naked all the time, and keeps his baby naked too, because we both like seeing each other. I do what I'm told and wait on my Daddy hand and foot. Daddy spanks his little boy and keeps me completely hairless below my eyes. He has an electrolysis machine and is gradually teaching my hairs to not even try to grow any more. Hopefully, I'll truly be a hairless boy for my Daddy before long. Daddy fucks me up the ass and lets me suck his cock all the time. Once Daddy's brother came visiting and I was able to suck and get fucked at the same time. I keep asking Daddy when his brother is coming to visit again, but Daddy just says that we'll go to Alabama for Christmas and then I can meet his daddy and all his brothers. Maybe I can tell you more about what happened to Jimmy and me after we got out of jail, but Daddy's calling me now and telling me it's bedtime, so I have to run go get the bed warm for him. See ya later... END P.S. For those of you who didn't get the pun the first time around... Black as Night = Black ass Knight (in street lingo) "He was his knight, in dull black armor, which made his life complete." ----- Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. --- Elwood P. Dowd