Date: Sun, 03 Aug 2003 00:39:19 +0100 From: ben smith Subject: Determined to succeed - chapter1 Determination to succeed! By Benme_over Edited by Drew Hunt Authors Notes:- This story contains Sex between men. If you are under 18 in the Uk (or appropriate legal age in your country) please stop reading here. If such mentioned material may offend you please stop reading too. This story is fiction and any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence. Though this story may involve unsafe sex (It is only fiction), and I believe in playing safe (look after yourself and your partner). Hope you enjoy my story, and of course please email me with your comments good or bad. It is always nice for us writers to know other's are reading our stories, and know what readers think of the stories as they develop. Benme_over@lycos.co.uk Enjoy !! Preface Hi I'm Ben I've been working in the pub business since I was 15. I started out as a glass collector earning pocket money working in my family's pub. That was fine until dad caught me sucking off a regular in the toilet. To say he was furious was an understatement. He called the police and had the guy that I was sucking off arrested. The guy was charged and convicted for having sex with a minor, and I found out a few months later that he had committed suicide in prison. Dad made my life a misery, he wouldn't let me out of sight "in case one of those perverts" tried to abuse me. Of course all that was rubbish, I wanted to, no I needed to suck that guys cock that fatal day. The incident made things at home even more unbearable than ever. Mam hit the bottle again; dad constantly monitored my every move. If I went on an errand to the local store I was timed to the second, and if I took longer than dad thought was necessary, I faced interrogation and had to retrace my every move. After about six months had past Mam was found unconscious on the kitchen floor, of course dad called an ambulance and after a brief spell in hospital, mam ended up in a drying out clinic. She spent another month in the clinic. When she was released, she went and stayed with her sister, leaving me at home with just my dad, who was more like a jail keeper than a parent. Mam had decided that she wanted to divorce dad. It is only now at Thirty-five years old, that I am able to look back on my life. As you can imagine, I had tried hard to block out that fatal day and what followed, but of course I failed miserably. Being trapped in a spiral of turmoil, fear and self-hatred. What follows is my life from that fatal day onwards to today August 2003. Don't get me wrong my life wasn't all bad but it was a struggle to get where I am today! Chapter 1 - Birthday Nightmare - August 1st 1988 (My 15th birthday) Like any other fifteen year old I was planning to go out that night with my friends from school. Though I wasn't the most popular guy in my year, I did have my fair share of friends. A group of six of us were planning to go for a drink in our usual hangout. We had been drinking in a pub just off the main weekend drinking circuit; as long as we looked as though we might be 18 and didn't misbehave we were allowed in. The landlord was pleased for our custom to be honest, because one of the national chains of cheap drink pubs had just opened up in the town, and his regulars had deserted him. Dad as usual expected me to stay and have a drink in our pub with him and his mates. I tried to protest, but of course it fell on deaf ears. Anyway I stayed and sat with dad and his mates and had a couple of pints with them. Of course after the two pints I had to make a call of nature, and had to take a leak in the men's room. I was just undoing my button fly and taking my cock out to have a piss at the urinal, when the door opened and a regular drinker at our pub came and stood next to me. By the time he had undone his zip fly, I was in the mid-flow of my piss, and it wasn't until I stopped pissing and was putting my cock away in my briefs, that I noticed the regular whose name was Steve wasn't pissing. Of course being naive I said "Can't piss with someone stood next to you mate? I have that trouble myself sometimes." "Really you get hard too do you?" he asked as he turned towards me slightly. That was when I saw my first hard cock, well that is besides my own of course, oh and the ones in my porno magazine that I had bought in the local sex shop a few months back. I hadn't thought anything of it really; I believed that I just wanted to compare other men's cocks. That is until Steve waved his cock at me. "Well does your cock get hard Ben?" Steve asked. I was mesmerised and fixated by his cock, which was larger than my 6 inches. Steve's cock was at least 7 1/2 inches and must have been nearer 8. It wasn't too thick but definitely not one of those really thin cocks, and his balls were in proportion to his cock and the rest of his body. "Errm yes sometimes it does." I replied as I could feel the blood rushing not only to my face but also down to my cock, which started to grow. I didn't know what to do and tried to keep my cock inside my jeans as I fumbled with the buttons, but of course nature had other ideas. Soon my cock was rock solid. "Hey Ben have you ever had your cock touched by someone else?" Steve asked, as he continued to stroke his rock solid cock in his hand. "No." I confessed feeling quite embarrassed and shy at being asked such an intimate question. "Have you had your hands on another mans cock?" "No." I replied again. "Follow me into the cubical and we can play with each others cocks if you want?" Steve suggested winking as he walked towards the cubical. "Well Ben are you going to join me in here? I know you will love it." "Errrm I don't know. What if dad realises I am in here, and comes in looking for me?" "He wont, anyway I don't think either of us will take long to cum, judging by our cocks." Steve said. Well that was enough for me, like any other teenager, I was horny as fuck and wasn't going to turn down the chance of having someone else play with my cock. Even if it was another man who wanted the pleasure returned. If I am honest there was something about Steve that always caught my eye. He was around six foot tall, slim but not skinny built, lightly hairy on his arms and legs with medium to dark brown hair. Though he wasn't drop-dead gorgeous, he did have the look of a model and a nice calm personality to go with it. Steve guided me into the cubical, locking the door behind us. I was nervous, and didn't really know what I was supposed to do next. I sort of froze, but Steve was more than willing to lead the way. I felt Steve's left hand take a firm hold of the back of my right hand and guide it down to his hard cock. He gently placed my fingers around his hard-on, and then whispered in my ear "Relax Ben, you will never forget this birthday." How those words would stick in my mind for the rest of my life. I could feel Steve's cock pulsate within the grip of my hand. The feeling of holding another mans cock felt so right, like it was meant to be. Steve then put his right hand on my chest and trailed it down towards my cock. Just when I thought he was going to take hold of it, he told me to take off my shirt. We both took our shirts off and now right before my eyes I could see Steve's smooth toned chest for the first time. I suppose I had always been attracted to Steve ever since I became aware of sex really, though I hadn't for a moment thought of myself as being gay, or had I been trying to hide my developing attraction to the same sex even from myself? I didn't know or even care at that moment. All that mattered was what Steve and I were doing with each other's bodies. Steve slowly ran his hands all over my chest and back, leading them towards my now naked cock and arse, as I stood there soaking up the feeling of his gentle touch. Then he took hold of my cock and gave it a little squeeze, which sent shock waves and an electric current through every vein and nerve of my body. 'Wow!' I thought, 'This is wonderful! Much better than bringing yourself off by far'. Not knowing where the hands on your body were going to wonder off to next. I was in total ecstasy. Without further thought I took hold of Steve's cock once more, and caressed the length of his rock solid shaft as he played with my balls. He gently rolled them with his hands, something you can never quite get right when you do it yourself. Steve started beating my shaft slowly and gently at first, but as I followed his every move, so he increased the tempo a little faster and harder. I was beginning to sweat with the intense feelings that had taken over all of my senses; I didn't even know that I was in the men's room of our pub. "Is it ok if I kiss you Ben?" He asked. "Yes oh yes Steve please do." I replied, he could have asked me anything and I would have agreed at that moment. I was a hungry horny teenager just discovering myself. Steve leaned forward slowly, he softly placed his smooth velvet lips on mine and started kissing me. I opened my mouth, we were soon in a passionate kissing frenzy as we continued pumping each other's cocks. "Oh Steve I think I'm about to shoot my load." I said breaking our lip contact. Steve started kissing his way down to my cock. Without warning he engulfed it in his hot velvet mouth, this was too much, and I couldn't hold on any longer. My body jolted uncontrollably as I shot my young cum down Steve's throat. Steve didn't let go of my cock in his mouth until it had started to droop, then he stood up and kissed me sharing my cum with me. After a short kiss I dropped down to my knees. I took Steve's cock in my mouth and I started to work my lips up and down his shaft, trying to do to Steve what he had just done to me. "I'm getting close Ben what do you want me to do?" "Steve please let me taste your cum." I replied taking a moment from sucking his cock. That was virtually all that he needed to take him over the edge and shoot his cum into my mouth and down my throat. Steve's cum tasted sweeter than mine and was a little thicker than my own too. We both cleaned ourselves up and then we returned to the main bar. Dad hadn't noticed that I had been gone long, but mam had, and she asked me what had taken me so long. "I felt as though I was going to be sick mam." I told her, and she bought my story. Dad got up then and got in another round of drinks from Dave our part time barman. I had tried to protest to dad that I didn't really have time for another pint, as I was due to meet my mates, but as usual he insisted and I gave into him. I gulped the pint down, trying not to make it look too obvious to Dad that I wanted to be away. Once I had finished the drink I popped back to the men's room for another piss. Unfortunately there wasn't anyone in there who was willing to do what Steve and I had done earlier that night. Well at least that was until I was just about to leave the men's room. Then the door opened and in walked Steve's best mate John. John was shorter at 5.7 and a little on the chubby side too. Although he had good looks, he just didn't have the same attractiveness and charisma as Steve. He went straight into the middle cubicle of the three. I don't know why, but I was magnetised to him and I followed him into the cubicle to the left of his. Once I'd sat myself down I realised that there was a hole in the dividing partition. I could see what was obviously Johns eyeball, looking directly into my cubicle. Shit I thought, I've been caught out dad will go ape-shit when John tells him that I was looking through the hole in the wall. But I was pleasantly surprised when John whispered "Hi Ben, want to come in here and let me suck your dick?" "Only if I can suck yours first." I replied and smiled at him "Ok come on in then." John said, I immediately pulled up my jeans and sneaked into his cubicle, locking the door behind me. Of course the three pints I'd drunk, although they hadn't made me pissed, I was certainly relaxed. Any inhibitions I'd had when Steve and I were shagging had gone by the wayside. I dropped down to my knees and took Johns cock into my mouth without a second thought. I sucked and slurped, licked and nibbled at John's cock and balls. Just as he started to shoot his load into my mouth there was a loud knock on the cubicle door and dads voice saying "What the fuck are you doing in there!" The next thing I knew dad was forcing the cubicle door open. It broke off its hinges and fell onto me knocking me out. My next conscious thought was in my bedroom, I could hear dad shouting at my mother who sounded like she was in hysterics. Then my bedroom door opened and dad entered. "Right boy you better tell me exactly what that pervert was doing to you!" "Well errm dad it wasn't his fault, I wanted to." "The fuck you wanted to, you were manipulated by that pervert! Dad interrupted me and went ranting and raving on about how John would get his dues when they sent him to prison. "B-B-B-But dad, if he is a pervert so am I." I tried to explain once more "Don't be so fucking stupid, my son isn't a pervert, he has just confused your mind. Now stop being so fucking daft boy." Dad butted in once more. It was at this point I broke down crying, thinking that I too was now classed as a pervert. Dad then left the room and I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I awoke early with a raging hard on. I tried as hard as I could to think of women whilst I had my morning wank, but it was no use, all I could think about was Steve. Then I suddenly remembered John, and my cock instantly drooped. I remembered that dad had mentioned John going to prison for what he had allegedly forced me to do. Guilt took over my already scrambled mind. It was so unfair that John faced Jail for something that felt so nice and right at the time. After all he didn't force or manipulate me into sucking his cock. No that was definitely my own doing. I couldn't understand dad's reaction to be honest; he had always complemented me on my maturity. Now suddenly I was a defenceless kid, because he couldn't bring himself round to accept that his son was homosexual let alone actually engaging in sex. Looking back on it now, that was the first time that I had really thought of myself as gay. When I entered the kitchen, Dad was sitting at the table reading the morning paper as he always did, you would be lucky if you caught a glimpse of his face at the breakfast table. Mam was pottering about like a bag of nerves. Dad put his paper down the minute my arse touched the chair seat. "Right boy, this is what we are going to do." Dad said taking a breath, "That pervert has been charged with having sex with a minor, and will most certainly go to jail, and you Ben will wash any stupid thoughts out of your mind understand?" "Yes dad." I agreed with him as I had a splitting headache from the bump on my head caused by the toilet door "Good" dad replied. As far as he was concerned the matter was closed, at least until the police phoned and asked if they could question me about last night. To be continued! Please email me and let me know what you think of the story at Benme_over@lycos.co.uk