Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 11:57:38 +0100 From: anthony taylor Subject: Determined to succeed - chapter 4 Determination to succeed! By Benme_over Edited by Drew Hunt Authors Notes:- This story contains Sex between men. If you are under 18 in the Uk (or appropriate legal age in your country) please stop reading here. If such mentioned material may offend you please stop reading too. This story is fiction and any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence. Though this story may involve unsafe sex (It is only fiction), and I believe in playing safe (look after yourself and your partner). Hope you enjoy my story, and of course please email me with your comments good or bad. It is always nice for us writers to know other's are reading our stories, and know what readers think of the stories as they develop. Benme_over@lycos.co.uk Enjoy!! CHAPTER FOUR - I was in the hospital for two days as they observed my mental state. In that time I looked at my life, and realised that I didn't want to die, I had ambitions to fulfil and no one would stop me. I was discharged and went to Blackpool with my mother. The small flat that we moved into was really dirty and damp. I hated it but until I worked out my plan for my future I had no option but to make do. Mum seemed to be staying off the booze, dad was out of our way, so life was a little easier but I still had the empty ache that only Steve could fill. Life in Blackpool wasn't quite as bad as I'd expected. I missed Steve like crazy, he always knew what to say to me if I was upset or stressed. Now I had no one in which to confide. I tried to phone and write to him, but his phone was disconnected and I never received any replies to my letters. It seemed obvious to me that dad had won that battle. About two months after we moved to Blackpool, mum came into the flat in an hysterical state. "Shit Mum what's happened?" I asked in shock. "I've been bloody attacked and raped!" she screamed. "Who the fuck was it?" I asked. Of course that was a stupid question, but I was in shock and I was also in a vengeful frame of mind too. "How the hell should I know, I didn't have time to ask the fucking bastard his name did I?" "Sorry mum, I can't think straight." I pleaded for forgiveness for my stupidity "You have to go to the police Mum." "I can't go through all that Ben, not again." This surprised me I didn't know that mum had been raped before, but I didn't dare ask her about it. She went straight to the shower and must have been in there for at least half an hour. When she came back into the living room I made her a cup of tea, and sat and comforted her until she went to her room. The next day she acted as though nothing had happened the night before. It was from that moment on that mum hit the bottle again, but it wasn't the only noticeable difference to her. She also lost interest in life, letting herself go. Over the course of the next year she gradually got worse, she lost her job at the bingo hall, she was drinking heavily and bringing back different men every time she went out on the town. I finished school and that's when the next chapter of my life really started. After leaving school I got a job in a café at the back of an amusement arcade. It was one of those greasy Sausage and Chip's café's that you tend to find in such places. "Right Ben, this is my son Jason, he'll show you the ropes." Bill the owner of the Café said as he left me with his son. Jason wasn't the handsomest guy that I had seen, but he had a charisma, a way to him that intrigued me and I just had to get to know him. Jason was softly spoken and exceptionally kind to everyone even if it was a customer complaining about the meal she had ordered. Nothing fazed him. We seemed to get on quite well and made a good team. Halfway through my first day we were even cracking jokes. We closed at 10pm and had another hour of cleaning up the place before we could leave. The work was hard 12-hour shifts but I had enjoyed my first day. Finally I had found someone I could relate to and get along with. On the way home I reviewed the events of my first day of my working life. I couldn't help but think of Jason. I started getting turned on as I thought about his personality and he had a nice butt too. Mum was in her room and obviously shagging as she always did on a weekend night. I could hear the usual noises coming from her room. I put the TV on and turned up the volume to try and drown out the noise. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew was my watch alarm going off. It was eight in the morning and I was still bleary eyed as I made my way to the bathroom. I was surprised to find it locked. Mother never got up till midday usually, and her weekly shags were always long gone by the time I woke up. I didn't think much of it, I went to the kitchen and made some toast for my breakfast with a glass of fresh orange juice. I sat and read the local free paper. There it was, an advert for Flamingo's - a gay nightclub. Wow I thought to myself. I jotted down the address and promised myself on my next night off I would go and check it out. That was of course if I could pass the bouncers for 21, I usually managed to get in straight clubs and pass as 18. I heard someone leave the bathroom and shut the front door a few minutes later, 'Obviously her shag' I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. Then when I got out and dried my body I noticed a wallet sitting on top of the toilet system. I couldn't help myself, I had to look at the wallets contents, that is when my world started crashing down once again around me. The wallet had my dad's driving licence inside. I rushed to get dressed and then I packed as much of my clothing as I could, along with a few personal belongings too. I couldn't stay there; I just couldn't see him again. I wrote a note and left it on the kitchen unit. I left for work. "Hey Ben what's with the two bags~" Jason asked me. "I've left home. My mother is shagging my Dad again and I can't cope with him being around me." I replied. Jason knew bits of my past; but he didn't know the real reason why my life had been so shit. I just didn't want to risk rejection or abuse from him for my sexuality. I hadn't worked out his or his dad's view on gays yet. I was still feeling my way. Though I couldn't help thinking about how I would like to feel Jason's arse. "Where are you going to go then Ben?" "Guess I'll have to go to a bed and breakfast for now." "Why don't you stay with Dad and me for a few weeks until you get something sorted out~" Jason offered. This was reaffirmed by his father shouting "Yeah good idea son." "Only for a couple of weeks then. After that I need my own space to sort my head out properly." I Thanked them both for their kindness. It was a fairly quiet day at the café. Bill let me and Jason or Jase as he preferred to be called, off work early. We went to their house at the other end of the town. We each carried one of my bags. When we finally arrived at their semi detached house Jase took me on a tour. He finally showed me his room, which I would be sharing with him. He cleared a space in his wardrobe and told me to make myself at home. "Use what ever you want in there, the only thing that is off bounds is the cabinet next to my bed." he shouted as he made his way downstairs. "Thanks Jase." I replied as I put my things away and made up the other bed. Then I looked around his room trying to get a feel of what Jase was really like as a person. Looking back now I suppose I was feeling the ground, trying to gauge how far I could open up to him. I changed into shorts and tee shirt before Joining Jase downstairs. "Ooow what lovely legs we have there Benny Boy." Jase mocked using outrageously camp mannerisms and voice. I wondered if he'd guessed my sexuality. But I ruled it out, I was fairly straight acting what ever that means. "Why are you like interested Jase?" I joked back half meaning it. "That's for me to know and you to find out. Mind you I do sleep walk you know. So you never know what might happen in the middle of the night." "Ooo I will look forward to it then." I replied meaning it even though I said it jokingly. I knew I had to change the subject quickly before I said anything that I might regret and also before my cock got hard as I could already feel it murmuring. "Well Jase are you going to show me the town tonight?" "Sure Ben, but to be honest I don't get many free nights, so I am probably not that much wiser than you as far as the in bars and clubs in the town are concerned." As the evening came upon us, we both showered and fooled around spraying water around, and then we started wrestling, trying to pull each other's boxers off. I managed to rip Jase's Boxers off him revealing his nicely shaped cock; I had to stop myself from licking my lips. I was mesmerised by the thickness of Jase's cock. It was not the that long at 6 1/2 inches, but it was sure as hell not the thinnest, it was thick, and I mean really thick, I wouldn't go as far as saying it was as thick as a cola can, but it was as close as it could be to the size of a deodorant can. His cock was uncut and had a nice bush of hair around the base of his shaft and his balls were covered too. ]"Hey Ben do you like what you see?" Jase asked breaking my dreamy state. I went really red as I felt my face blush. He had caught me looking, then again how could he miss it. "Wow Jase I've never seen a cock that thick before." Was all I could think of to say in my embarrassment. "Yep you don't get many of these to the pound." He Winked at me and gave me a cheeky smile. " I bet you have every girl in town after you?" I joked. "Well yes I suppose I do but so do all the boys." He said winking once more. "Come on Ben, let's finish getting ready and get out of here." He said breaking the conversation and my train of thought. Ten minutes later we were walking along the prom towards the north pier. "All the best places for us are at this end of town." Jase said with that same cheesy grin on his face. I got the impression that Jase liked the idea of winding me up and teasing me. Suddenly there seemed to be a lot of men around ,and not so many women. There were a few outrageously camp men too. "Here we are, Basils." Jase said as we entered and walked to the bar. "Hi Jase Darling, are you doing anything later?" The barman asked him. "Yep I'm showing Ben here the highlights of the nightlife" "Shame." Sighed the barman. "Oh fuck, Jase you could have told me you were gay!" I said as I clicked what he was up to. "Well are you or aren't you?" He asked me as the barman passed over our drinks. "Yep I am Gay." I said. "Thought so, my gaydar hasn't failed me yet." He smirked. "So why didn't you just tell me back at your place?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me then either?" He laughed. "Ben I fancy the pants off you, I have to restrain myself from touching your sexy arse at work." I didn't reply, I just stuck my lips on him, we embraced each other as we kissed passionately for a good few minutes. "Wow Jase, I feel the same way about you, the fantasies I have been having you wouldn't believe!" "Well you will have to tell me some of them sometime Benny Babes." He gave me that cheeky grin of his again, accompanied by another wink. I was on a high at that moment. all my family troubles seemed to have disappeared into the distant past. I was happier that night than I had been for years. I was with someone who I wanted to be with, and who wanted to be with me too. I could be myself, I didn't have to pretend to be straight. I felt so free. After we had finished our drinks, Jase led me to the next bar, Pepe's, which was in the basement of a building, it was small but friendly. He obviously was well known judging by how many guys stopped to say hello to him. I felt a bit uneasy at all the attention he was attracting. I hoped he wasn't just after a shag from me. After a couple of drinks in Pepes , we walked towards the Flying Handbag. I plucked up the courage to ask him what he wanted to happen between us. "Well my Benny babes, I want to wine and dine and sixty nine you." He Joked. "No seriously Ben I want us to be lovers, I'm not into shagging around, I've only had two previous relationships, both only lasted about six months due to me working long hours at the café. That's why we would work well together, not only is there an attraction and chemistry between us, but we both work the same hours too." "Yeah that's all cool, but what about your dad, does he know your gay?" I had to ask him. "Yeah dad's cool, he is one of these new world men, he has even joined me once or twice on a night out, but the bastard got more men after him than I did!" Jase said as we both burst into a real stomach laughing fit. "So does this mean we are an item then Jase?" "Yup if you're happy to work with your lover?" he winked. "Bloody sure I am if he is as sexy as you, how could I refuse." It was soon time to enter the Nightclub, I was having the time of my life, my first time on the gay scene and my first boyfriend, I kept pinching myself. We paid our entrance fee and walked through the adjoining doors to the club from the Flying Handbag. "Bloody hell this place is big!" I remarked. "Sure is Benny Babes, and full of hunky men. Just a shame they are off limits now." He teased. "I can look though." I said and we both laughed. "Come here!" He said as he pulled me into his arms, we started kissing passionately. He certainly knew how to use his mouth, he left my lips and tongue tingling. I was so light headed due to the mixture of excitement and alcohol. He pulled me onto the dance floor and we danced and danced to the cheesy pop music, then suddenly at the stroke of midnight the music came to an abrupt end, there was silence and everyone was still. 'Shit this is all a dream.' I thought to myself, thinking that I was about to wake up. Then suddenly all the speakers in the club boomed out the latest dance music at full volume. The abrupt silence before they changed the type of music was so atmospheric. We continued to dance our socks off until around 1 am. Then I started feeling really hungry, so we went up to the café on the second of the four floors of the club. We both tucked our teeth into burger and chips. After we had finished eating I wiped a spot of ketchup from Jase's mouth. Jase then led me into a sex shop inside the club. I had never seen anything like it, all those naked men in magazines and videos. He picked up some Lube and condoms, and winked at me. I felt so embarrassed as we went to pay for them. Jase noticed my unease and pinched my bum as he handed over the money to the guy behind the counter. I can't really remember what happened for the rest of the night, until we got back home. Once at home, Jase made me a hot drink making me drink it all up, then he said we'd better get to bed. We went to the bedroom and I was about to get into my own bed when Jase said "Oh no Babes, this is our bed now." "What will your dad say?" I asked. "Nothing Dave my last boyfriend used to sleep with me sometimes. I told you dad is cool about everything." Jase reassured me. I started to cry uncontrollably. "Hey Ben, what's up?" he asked as I got into his bed. "Oh it's a long story." I managed to spit out between my sobs. "Well babes I'm here now, and we will share our problems." He soothed. "Thanks Jase I'll tell you in the morning when I'm sober." I replied as he laid me down on my side and cuddled up behind me. I felt so safe and loved, the hair of his body against mine and the stroking of my forehead with his hand helped calm me down and I soon drifted off to sleep. TO be continued Please email me your comments on this story at benme_over@lycos.co.uk