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I guess once you're an asshole you're always an asshole. I can't think of any possible way how I would turn him down without hurting his feelings. I mean come on any other way I do it its still gonna sting bad and why do it slowly and gently? Just do it bluntly and say, I just don't like the complications and shit of a relationship I'm completely happy reveling a promiscuous life and you'll just get in the way of how things work for me. Plus I'm a total asshole which I think you're realizing just know and how I can be so fucking unsympathetic. And this is me doing you a favor a'yt? Have a really funshiny life DJ.
I didn't feel even a bit of remorse for what I've said to that nice guy who I've had fun with occasionally, well mostly in bed. Wait, mostly? We have always been having sex every time I ask him to meet me, and well I guess we eat after and talk about trivial stuff but nothing more. I wasn't interested to delve into more hush-hush stuff so I keep the conversation in a superficial level. That I guess made him think we were dating. Well the only thing I regret well not rally regret but miss was the sex. God this guy can bend anyway you like him to plus he like's my carefree, well more like intrepid nature and again I'm talking about sexual stuff here. But still quite cautious, stuff like asking him to give me a blowjob while I'm driving along EDSA in broad daylight while we pass police mobiles patrolling the area and sometimes in the NLEX while I do a 160 KPH just pushing my V6 engine a bit and sometimes in public toilets. But the best by far has to be on the back of the San Beda Abbey, he was muffling his moans while I ram my dick inside him scared of getting caught which I don't care if we were. Oh well he's getting too clingy for my taste and I've to do something about it.
Relationship never worked for me in the past and nothing would make a difference now. Let's admit it men are promiscuous in nature and two guys in a relationship? It will never work would it? Well just do the math. I live a foolhardy life and anyone who's wanting to be a part of it to, let's say romantically get involve is like wishing for a life full of sacrifices, pain and torment. Life has made me a resentful cynic and a devious callous person, funny how life molded me into this monster that everyone mistakes as being a daredevil. I guess that part of me makes up for my being ordinary looking. This makes me more marketable in the gay community and even with girls. They get attracted to bad boys. Come to think of it I don't even look the part. But I exude it they say I don't know how because I surely don't own a big Harley or a Ducatti well not that I say those are symbolic of bad ass guys.
After a few moments of just staring at the passersby, lamenting of how life had been I started to stand up and head for the parking lot. Its time to go home, my pants is getting sticky from the vanilla DJ spilled on my lap after I said those lines. That was quite embarrassing I might say, but that I can handle. I have always been a charmer, the collective gasp, snicker and giggles of the people around us made me quite excited, I know twisted as it gets but I did. I just had to flash my smile and the I dunno what he's thinking expression, so sorry for the show guys expression plus look at my lap stare out at nothingness and have that innocent look. I'm pretty sure I've gotten the people's sympathy and that makes him the baddie. Life's good I guess, I even got some smile from the table across mine while I pass them.
As I was closing the back of my beat up Rover I was suddenly greeted by a piercing scream followed by a high pitched laughter. I dropped my toolbox on the ground startled by it.
"Hey hun, how was your weekend?" Nikki one of my best buds in class asked.
"What the fuck Nik! Not nice for a very early morning. And my weekend sucks, thanks for asking," I answered.
"Awwwe, had a fight with your mom again?"
"No not really, just had a bad weekend. I wasn't even in the mood to go out last Saturday," I said.
"Oh, well hurry and put your things inside the kitchen. Let's go to Deck first and buy some food before the rest of the gang gets here," she ordered.
We went inside the kitchen and put my things in my group's station and headed out to buy some breakfast. I'm pretty excited for what we're going to be doing in class today. We have a guest chef for our second day of plated desert. This is going to be interesting. I've always looked forward to our pastry classes more than cuisine but I pretty much like both. I'm just more interested in pastry with its methodology, the principle of patience and intricateness just makes it more gratifying for me. I wonder how this Chef Buddy Trinidad looks like. Is he really good with his craft or what?
The class ended with a blast. Chef
Buddy was fairly sensational teaching us some neat stuff you could do with
chocolates as garnish. Whew another day of excitement. I couldn't stop thinking
of all the possibilities I could do in pastry. My imagination's running wild
with all the crazy ideas I have in my head, oh all the cakes I could think of
and desserts I could possibly come up with. I guess I finally decided as early
as now where I would be focusing in. I guess here's a way how I could put my
craftiness into good use. Everything about pastry fascinates me. But I guess
everyone, my best friend included, yes I do have one confidant who knows me
differently from how other people perceive me as a person well yeah they think
its ironic that I'm choosing pastry to concentrate in. Well she; my best friend
knew me since kindergarten, and she's been patiently there to understand what I
have done and been doing to my life. She was and still is my saving grace and
has always kept me grounded. The convoluted friendship that I have with her, I
can't explain it. We've always had this bond. Even after my family moved to
"Hey guys where are we going later?" I asked my classmates.
Jeff said at
"Oh okay, so everyone coming this time?" I asked.
"Hah, you expect everyone to be there? You know naman(that) the others don't drink. But I still tried to convince them to come," Lady added.
"Yeah but they said next time," Francis said while mopping the kitchen floor.
"Well, next time I guess. It would be nice to have everyone there, though. Anyway I'll leave you guys here. I'll just put my things inside the car. Nikki are you coming? I asked as I head out for the door.
"Yes, I'll be there."
I was closing the back door to my car when Nikki got there and turned off the alarm of her van.
"Hey Nik I dunno if I can stay long tonight I have to be up early tomorrow. I haven't been to the gym for more than 2 days. I miss sweating a lot from the cycling classes I attend plus I have to do my groceries for San's party on Saturday. I'm thinking of making some killer chocolate raspberry mousse cake and I think I'm gonna try a green tea cheesecake," I wondered aloud.
"Green tea mousse is something I'd normally see, I don't know about your green tea cheesecake, though. And gym? Come on hun all you'd be doing there is let all the gay guys ogle you and even break the hearts of some of `em," she said.
"Yeah I guess, I just want to make something different you know. Surprise everyone. Just practice my creativity, hahaha. And no I don't break hearts, their just to clingy for my taste," I retorted.
"Well its up to you. Just make sure you do a fabulous job on that one. And oh have you ever heard of karma? Come now hun I bet they're all waiting."
"Took you forever to answer you mobile phone? What were you doing? Anyway I'd be there in ten minutes. I'm getting inside the car now, okay?" I spoke to my mobile.
"Just got out of the shower love and yes I'd be ready by then. I hope you're using your hands free. Let's go to G4 later I've to check out some stuff," she answered.
"G4? Check some stuff? Yeah right you're just gonna go shopping again for hours. I told you I've to run by Shopwise and Santi's later," I complained.
"I remember that, oh dear you can't even give your best friend this small small favor of accompanying her to the mall," she mocked pleaded.
"Whatever, okay, okay you had me. Hey am almost near Acropolis' gate. Be there in a minute or two, bye" I said as I hung up the phone.
After 30 minutes of lifting weights and 10 minutes of running the treadmill I left Julie to join the Pilates class and went inside the cycling arena for the aerobic cycling class. I adjusted the sit and handlebars then mounted the bike and got all the foot contraptions tight and in place then started warming up as the instructor takes his place on the bike in front of the small room. He started to play the house and trance remixes as he instructed us to warm up. I got lost in the beat and copied all the moves our instructor made. I was in a rush of pure adrenaline keeping up with the instructor's energy. I pedaled and moved together with the beat. After an hour the instructor played a more mellow sound as we stretched and cooled down from a very rewarding hard work out.
I made my way to the refreshments are, got myself some water and went to the waiting area feeling refreshed from my shower in the gym. I took a copy of the recipe's I could use and carefully studying them on how I could infuse the green tea flavor using real tea into them recipes while I wait for Julie. After about 20 minutes Julie came out of the girls' locker and met up with me at the waiting area. We made our way to the parking lot, after making sure we have everything inside, we went our way to Shopwise. It was packed with shoppers as usual and we even saw some cute and good looking guys. After Shopwise we stopped by Santi's Rockwell and headed our way to G4. We strolled our way over and over stopping at every clothing boutique till Julie had countless shopping bags in her hands and mine.
I woke up early Friday morning. I wanted to start on the recipes id be making. I know id be at it till tomorrow morning, good thing we don't have classes tomorrow. First things first, though. I went to the kitchen and started making coffee. While waiting for the coffee to brew I went to take a leisurely bath. I wanna make sure I'm fresh and really in a good mood before I start. One thing I always try is be in a good mood before I bake or cook. People say your mood affects your cooking, I don't know if its just superstition but I want to make sure I do everything perfectly.
After that refreshing shower I pulled on a very comfortable black shirt and black fisherman's pants so hence I would be able to move freely and headed to my kitchen for some coffee and breakfast. I grabbed me some granola bars and went to my veranda. I took a sip of my coffee while taking bites of my first granola bar while watching the morning sun rise. Wow this is just what I need for inspiration to make this wonderful cake divinely impeccable. Now I sound like hmmm what, maybe Betty Crocker or some O.C. on baking, not a lovely sight. I lit up a cigarette and took a long hit savoring the tobacco and the warmth of the smoke that's slowly obliterating my alveoli one by one, well there are 700 million of that stuff in my lungs anyway few millions being destroyed wont matter, or would it? After I finish my breakfast routine I made my way back to the kitchen, about time to get busy.
I went to the fridge to check on the cream I have the green tea bags soaked overnight. Nice I could already taste the slight earthy bitter taste of the tea and even smell it wow. I returned it to the fridge and made my way to my bureau where I keep all my books and files. I got out the recipes I've studied last night and went to my pantry. I started sorting through the messy pantry and got out everything I'd need. I set it out on one of my kitchen countertops and headed for one of my small commodes where I keep my kitchen utensils including my school toolbox. I got out my big tool box where mostly my knives and measuring cups are. I made three trips till I got all the kitchen tools and several bowls in numerous sizes I would need.
I started my oven and let it heat up. I decided to make the base for my chocolate and raspberry mousse cake first. Now this once recipe I had a hard time perfecting. When I first tried this chocolate sponge cake recipe they turned out real dry and grainy but within a week and after so many tries I've made it to a moist and just the right denseness I want my sponge cake to be. For today I wanted to give it a bit twist and altered my recipe last night. After carefully readjusting it I'm sure it will turn out the same only difference is I'm adding a little ground macadamia nuts. I started separating my eggs into yolks and the whites and measuring flour, milk, light corn syrup and other ingredients. I started to whip my whites then onto the yolks and other ingredients. Lastly I heated my milk and butter and slowly incorporated all the mixtures together. I started with the chocolate yolk mixture and milk then the meringue and the flour and the ground macadamias. After carefully pouring my chocolate sponge mixture to my lined baking pans I made a quick run to my oven. Cool Just the right temperature. I got all the pans inside the oven and set the timer to 25 minutes. Well I'm just getting started and on euphoria.
I was starting to make my egg mixture for my green tea cheesecake when my phone rang. I quickly run to it and push the speaker button.
"Hello?" I was hearing an inaudible conversation going on the background, "Speak up please, who is this?" I spoke loudly.
"Oh hey Teigh sorry, I was talking to my brother. I Know you're a bit busy right now hun baking and stuff, but I'm going to come over in a bit. I'll just drop by Superbowl and get something to eat. I know, pretty thoughtful of me," Julie said while chuckling to herself.
"Okay, thank you, don't forget to order me their platter special okay? I've to go I'm in the middle of making my sabayon," I answered.
"Your what? You and your weird culinary terms, just thank me later for not letting you starve again. Bye am going," she said.
I was ready to on the last stages of mixing all the ingredients for my cheesecake when she hung up the phone. I got some milk and my green tea powder I'll be adding for flavor and color and mixed them in the blender. I got the tea bags out of my cream and added the blended milk and green tea powder and mixed it. I got to combining all the mixture again and poured it onto my pans on top of my crusts and placed them in the open.
I went to check on my chocolate sponge cake that was on top of my cake racks, cool enough to cut and shape it into big round spongies; well I'd like to call them that; and then place them inside my removable pans where I'd set the mousse. I started with the chocolate mousse first.
I was placing the spongies inside the fridge when Julie barged inside my house with big carry out plastic bags. She went straight to me, gave me a peck on the cheeks and looked at the spongies with the first layer of mousse on them.
"Wow, I'm sure San would love these goodies. I can't wait till tomorrow, or can we have some of that later? She asked while putting the plastic bags on one of my free counter.
"Nope, you have to wait till tomorrow. Just grab plates and bowls inside the buffet's first cabinet below ayt," I said as I check on my cheesecakes.
"Awwe no fair, here I am saving you from starving and I get no appreciation, I shouldn't have gotten your favorite you ungrateful bitch!" She joked while transferring the contents of the cartons to the bowls.
"Whatever, I made a little cheesecake, we'll just cool it after it bakes, and thank you I really appreciate this Jules," I said.
It was late afternoon when I was pouring the raspberry mousse on top of the already set choc mousse. Julie helped me a bit putting used bowls and utensils inside my washer and wiping countertops. She was loading the last of the used up utensils and bowl while I went to my veranda to have a smoke. I was inhaling the smoke slowly and feeling the exhaustion taking over my body when I felt a presence at my back. I slowly turned around and faced her.
"I always enjoy watching you skillfully carrying out your expertise in baking. You really become a different person inside the kitchen. I always see this different Teigh, patient and humbly waiting for the outcome of a real masterpiece. Can I have a puff?" She pondered while grabbing the cigarette from my hand.
I didn't say anything. I just stared at her. I don't want to ruin this perfectly relaxing moment I was having when she sees through me and speaks whatever it is in her mind. She gave me back the cigarette, gave me a smile and hugged me.
"I know you are still hurting hun, but its been too long. You had you distance finally. You are established now, living on your own and having a blast. It's time to let go of all that anger inside you babe. Its eating you up inside, let it go please. I hate to see you hurting. All this time I'm seeing that pain that etched its way into your facade for years keeping you from finally being happy with abandon," she got a cigarette and lit it up, "Its been four years Teigh, I think you should start reaching out to your family. Stop being stubborn, don't let that stupid pride of yours eat you alive. How many times have your mom tried to talk to you? Dammit you proud asshole. I hate seeing you like this."
"And I always hate it when you try and ruin my day, making me cry. And how many times do I have to tell you that I'm still not ready Jules. Time will present itself for us to have that talk. They treated me like shit, you know that. I still can't get away from the pain it caused. I just can't, not yet," I said while I wipe the tears flowing down my cheeks.
"Okay, but I hate seeing you all alone by yourself, I mean it. Teigh one more thing, be careful okay? I don't want you getting sick. I just wish you would stop being promiscuous and just have one constant date and maybe a relationship in the future."
"You know am not relationship material sis."
"Yeah your not," she said sarcasm written all over herself.
"Well maybe not now, but who knows? I'll be open with all the possibilities," I promised.
"Yeah okay, I have to go. Teigh please, think it over about your family," she said giving me hug and heading out my apartment.