Date: Sun, 13 May 2018 22:34:21 +0000
From: Jake Scott <sexy.arse.man@live.com>
Subject: Top or Bottom

God, it's confusing in the gay world. Masc, fem, top, bottom, vers,
switch... I'm 30 years old and I still don't know what are the appropriate
labels to describe myself. I guess in the old days it didn't matter so
much. If you wanted some casual sex on the side after a hard day's work,
you headed down to the local beat, the local bathroom, the cruisiest bar;
you saw what was on offer and you took it from there. I mean, once your
eyes locked with another hungry guy's, the energy between you took
control. Once you were in his grip, or he in yours; once his tongue was
licking on your neck, biting on your ear, or thrusting through your sweet
puckered lips invading your mouth, you knew immediately who was in control,
and what your place was.

Not like today. Dating apps filled with "100% bottoms" demanding "total
tops", and nothing less. "100% Actives" demanding submissive bottoms to
service their needs... I mean, what happened to just wanting to hook up
with someone cause you thought he looked attractive? Now we have to be
advertising gurus specialising in selling ourselves just to get a ten
minute shag with a guy who's supposedly just as horny as we are??

Fuck, I hate them. Grindr, Scruff, blah blah blah... you gays are a hard
lot to please I've realised! However, I'm a horny guy most of the time so I
have no choice. It kinda doesn't help that I've got quite a meaty member
swinging between my legs. Yeah, that's a good thing and I should be
thankful... but... when guys see it, it's like they automatically go into
hungry bottom mode. They're down on their knees in a flash, mouths watering
at the prospect of getting my girth inside their hungry little mouths.
Which is okay and all, I'm not complaining exactly... but then they'll be
bending over in front of me, shoving a condom and some lube into my palm,
and expecting me to readily pound them into prostate heaven. I mean, it's
cool cause sometimes that's exactly what I'm in the mood for. But other
times I feel a bit short changed, always being the designated
top.. Sometimes I wanna get down on my knees and get face to face with
another dude's bulgy member. Sometimes I want to bend over and have a hot,
muscled stud pounding away at my hungry hole. I have needs too!!

You could say I'm confused. I am. Like, since I was 13 and hormones started
roaming through my bloodstream creating their usual havoc, I knew without a
shadow of a doubt that I liked guys. They were intoxicating to me, the way
they looked, the way they sounded, the way their muscles bulged, even the
way they smelled, I loved it all and it drew me in like honey to a
bear. Only thing was... nobody ever told me if I was a top or a bottom. I
was indecisive at the best of times, but this proved to be a real conundrum
for me. Bar from my fantasies of bending over boys with peachy bums, or
ogling athletic studs in the locker room as their soft but meaty cocks hung
and bounced majestically as they moved, when I finally got the courage to
hook up in real life with another guy it did little to instill any
confidence in what I really was. He was a lot older than me, he took me up
to his hotel room, pulled down my trackie bottoms and proceeded to enjoy
himself sucking on my teenage cock. It was nice. At some point though, he
decided he wanted to rim me, and spun me round, and I tell you when he
prized apart my butt cheeks and his tongue started to lap and probe at my
hole.... holy shit! It was like a bolt of electricity running through my
inner being. I knew instantly what a fucking pleasure it was to get your
arsehole serviced. I instinctively arched at the waist trying to allow my
rimmer the maximum access to my sensitive puckered hole, and began to grind
my bottom eagerly into his face. Yeah, what a fucking rush! Trouble was, my
man was obviously on the bottoming side of things himself. He turned me
around, wanting to suck on more of the D, eventually pulling off and
furiously jerking me off, demanding that I splooge all over his face and
mouth. Which I did. And it was nice. But as he knelt there jerking himself
off with my juice running down his cheeks, I couldn't help feeling like I
had been cheated out of an amazing arse experience myself. He had teased my
hole with his probing tongue, and now I knew I liked it and wanted - no
needed, more of it.

I think like a lot of other guys in my position, I kind of had a hard time
accepting it. Like, being gay was one thing. I was okay with that. But
being designated a big ole' bottom... well, that was something else. Surely
I couldn't be... I might not be the most masculine guy in the world, but
there were plenty of gay guys a lot more fruity than me. And besides, when
I jerked off I'd fantasise about throwing some hot stud down on the bed,
lifting his legs onto my shoulders and pounding away while watching his
cute little face squirm at the pleasure of having a meaty cock up inside
his guts. Yeah... a cute preppy, blonde haired guy with full pink,
glistening lips pursed in pleasure as soft moans escaped from the depths of
his soul. That image got me off all the time. That, or my recurring fantasy
of my dark haired office worker. He'd be staring sultrily at me across the
office as we worked. He'd be looking all deliciously prim and sophisticated
in his grey suit, parading himself deliberately in front of me in those
suit trousers, fabric hugging at his well developed, pert butt. He'd look
over his shoulder to make sure I was watching, and with a knowing look he'd
grab at his package to let me know he knew what was up. He'd disappear into
the bathroom, and a minute later I'd get up from my desk and follow him
there. I'd walk to the farthest stall, and find him there bent over in
front of me, his expensive suit trousers down at his ankles while his
muscular white globes of arse presented themselves wantonly in front of
me. He'd be looking over his shoulder, eyes glazed over with pure,
unadulterated cocklust, and I'd unzip and pull out my hard, fat cock. At
first I'd just rest it between his arse cheeks, and he'd let out a
whimper. And then he'd begin to grind himself back against me, wanting to
feel that cock right up between his cheeks. I'd grind back, us humping one
another, my precum beginning to drip down into his valley, wetting up his
hole for the impending invasion we both knew was about to come. I'd wet my
finger and begin to probe at his puckered arse lips, and his hole would
open and swallow my fingers up, him desperately wanting something bigger
and thicker up in there. I'd pull out and reach my fingers round to his
face, letting him get a real sniff of his own beautiful arse scent. Then
I'd probe my finger into his mouth as his lips greedily sucked and licked
at me, wanting to get as much of his arse flavour into his tongue as
possible. And while he was preoccupied with this, I'd deftly begin to
penetrate at his hole with my engorged cock. Again, he'd whimper, and then
let out a low guttural moan as he realised he was being impaled from
behind. Fuck anyone else in the toilets now, if they heard us or didn't
hear us, I was there to fuck this stud's glorious meaty bottom, and he was
there to get fucked, his hole stretching to accommodate me as I thrusted,
slowly at first, wanting to tease him. Getting deep inside and holding it
there, letting him know he was mine while he held his breath, and then
slowly pulling out again, before increasing the speed. In, out, in, out,
in, out. Me breathing heavy from the exertions, and his low moans turning
higher in pitch as his body became overcome by the pleasure of being
manfucked here, dirtily in the toilets at work. Eventually it would become
too much and I'd need to blow. He壇 realise it too, but I could
tell from the way that he continued to thrust himself back into me that he
didn't want my nut anywhere but deep inside his guts. We'd both moan as I
thrust deeper into him and hold his hips tightly as one, two, three and
more loads spurted deep inside him. I'd kiss his lips deeply to silence his
unabandoned moaning as I deposited deep within him. Us both a mess now in
shirts and ties displaced from all the rutting, I'd hold him there
caressing his manly body as I gently pull out. I'd watch as some of my cum
dripped from his hole and landed with a splodge on his pulled down
underpants between his ankles. It would leave a stain I would hope. A sign
of all the sluttery we had both wantonly engaged in. The rest of the cum
he'd keep inside him, and eventually at some point when he was back at his
desk it would start to drip out too and he'd feel a warm, wet and sticky
spot beneath him as he typed an email to some client somewhere. Yeah. That
was my fantasy.

So... back to the real world, I continued to search out guys to fuck about
with, still thinking from my fantasies that I might be a top. My second
hook up was actually really quite hot in a number of ways. Still, it didn't
serve to enlighten me any further to my true nature. Dude placed an online
advert for an anonymous hookup. I turn up, door on latch, and through the
doorway to his bedroom, true to his word I see his meaty exposed behind
patiently waiting, doggy style on his bed. He wore a hood as he said he
would - his choice not mine, wanting it to be as anonymous a meeting as
possible. I entered the room and quickly went to work at licking and
kissing at another guy's arsehole for the first time. And it wasn't long
before he was thrusting the condoms and lube my way. He wanted it quick and
fast, while I wanted to take my time and make it last a little. Still, I
obliged him and within a short while, I slipped my real life cock into a
real life man for the first time. He loved it. Immediately there was a
change in his disposition, like a puppy who痴 just been thrown
its favourite ball to play with. His head shot up as he arched his back and
thrust back, moaning at getting what he really wanted - anonymous fat dick
up his randy hole. Looking back on it now, I was surprised at how loose he
was. He had obviously done this a lot. And while I did kind of enjoy it, I
dunno... the "energy" seemed a bit wrong to me. I pulled out and he spun
around on the bed, maintaining his doggy style pose, pulling off the condom
and greedily swallowing down my cock, bathing it with his saliva and
spit. Man, he was definitely an expert at this. Don't think I ever got a
better blowjob than that even to this day. And when he thought that my cock
was now slick enough, he did what? He spun round again maintaining his
doggy position and wanting me back inside him. I re-entered him, and we
fucked again for a short while, but again something didn't seem so right to
me. I don't know, maybe it was again because he was older and clearly far
more experienced than me. Maybe I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able
to give him the hot fuck that he so desperately needed, but I pulled out
again, and decided I wanted to rim him some more. I did, trying to thrust
my tongue as deep as it could possibly get up into his now kinda sloppy
hole. It was then that I realised something. Hanging down just inches in
front of my chin was... his cock. Another dude's cock. Up to this point I'd
never actually touched one before. The curiosity and temptation was too
much to resist. I reached forward and grabbed it. It was hard, but smaller
than my own. Maybe about 6 inches with a nice, attractive upward bend so
that it pointed up towards his stomach. But it felt... nice. Real
nice. Like... really nice. Who'd have thought it? Holding another man's
cock in my hands satisfied me immensely. I loved playing with it while I
continued to rim him, taking special note of the particular movements which
seemed to turn him on. Eventually, holding it and jerking it in my hand
wasn't enough. I wanted to taste it. I wanted to suck this stranger's
lovely cock. Without asking him I removed my tongue from his hole and
pulled his cock down through between his legs and began to suck him off
proper. I liked it as much as I thought I would. I realised that my tongue
had the power to give this guy some serious pleasure as he seemed to be
responding to what I was doing. I read that the most sensitive part of a
guy's dick is on the underside just beneath his head. I especially tried to
pay this part attention with my tongue, and every time I'd flick at it his
body would respond, either with an involuntary jerk or a deep moan. Yep, I
loved this. And I jerked my own cock as I sucked at his. As I lapped and
lapped at his cock, my own pleasure built up and I realised I
couldn稚 hold it much longer and was gonna shoot. I pulled off
his cock and told him I was gonna shoot as I sprung up and shot a huge load
of cum all over his back, his head and his bed. Again, he spun around and
excitedly swallowed my cock down, devouring and licking clean any remaining
juice and cum. He was happy. I didn't want to seem like I was only
interested in my own pleasure, because I wasn't, and after all it was
sucking him off that got me so fucking excited in the first place; and
since he hadn't yet cum, I went back to sucking on his cock. It's never as
good once you yourself have just cum, but I went back to work diligently,
determined to give this guy as big an O as I'd just experienced. Clearly
again, he was a dedicated bottom, and he told me to finger his hole as I
sucked him. He got more and more excited the more fingers I used and the
deeper those fingers probed. Soon I was deep finger fucking him with three
fingers, while sucking at his cock, as his moaning was getting more and
more constant, and his body started to contort and flex as his balls
started to unload his seed. It was soon spurting into my mouth, warm manly
seed that I'd never tasted before. It was a good feeling, knowing I'd been
able to pleasure this man and make him cum. As he flopped down on the bed,
now totally spent, I pulled up my jeans and began to exit the room, and he
muttered a groggy but sincere "Thank you" as I left. Wow, I thought. That
was good. I don't know whether I should have been disappointed by the fact
that my venture in "topping" had clearly been less than successful. But in
the end it was definitely a hot session. He got to cum, I got to cum. He
got to taste my cum, I got to taste his. He clearly enjoyed it even though
it wasn't exactly what he signed up for, and I know I fucking enjoyed it
even though I was clearly not the 100% top that he was advertising
for... So, my confusion over what kind of gay man I really was deep down
continued...