"A Class By Himself"
The bus trip back and forth to school everyday was always pure hell! It was forty minutes to school and forty minutes back. I had to sit through it every single day. That's what I get for being so blasted smart. I had actual friends at my old school, people I related to, got along with. But ever since the system figured I was getting too smart for them, they started bussing me out to a school in the suburbs for gifted kids. The excuse they gave was that I needed to be 'challenged'. So I was enrolled in an accelerated learning program at another school across town. I THINK the whole idea was that I'd be surrounded by kids that were as 'academically advanced' as I was. The problem with that was...the other kids were all rich...and I...well, I wasn't. Far from it, to be honest. You'd be surprised how fast rich kids can pick up on that. I stuck out like celery stick in a box of chocolates! They spotted me from miles away, and the CONSTANT whispers behind my back were deafening.
'Derrick the Destitute' they called me. It became an inside joke between the mass of new people that I was supposed to be 'blending in' with all of the sudden. Only a day or two, and they already had a way to make fun of me. I didn't mind though...not TOO much anyway. On some deeper level, I figured that it wasn't a battle worth fighting. And even deeper than that, was the knowledge that in many ways, I was better than them for not sinking to their level. I tried REALLY hard to take some pride in that. But it wasn't easy...not here. I was alienated from the second I set foot on their gold-paved turf.
I had just turned 14 years old at the time, and skipping ahead an entire grade into the evil world of high school a bit early. I was kind of skinny, but it's not like I was totally anorexic or anything. I was about 5' 6" with dirty blond hair and blue eyes. My hair hung down to my temples, but since I was supposedly poor, it always looked kind of matted down and messy. To ME anyway. Some of the kids at my new school told me that I had a very poor look about me. Believe it or not they were actually trying to be nice when they said it. Gee thanks. I'll be sure to write that on a piece of toilet paper and put it to good use the next time I think about you. Psh! How would they know what 'poor' looked like anyway? These kids have had everything handed to them from day one. The kind of boys and girls that get to float through life effortlessly because Mommy and Daddy's money can buy influence, and influence can get them a job, a spouse, a guaranteed shot at a good college, and pretty much anything else they want. These were the kids that simply get a car the day they turn 16...and complain about the color. In their shoes...I could be happier than I've ever been. In mine...they'd probably put a bullet in their heads.
It wasn't my looks, so much. I mean...I was a bit paranoid from time to time, but I was pretty sure that my looks weren't really a problem. The girls in my old school used to fall all over me like I was a young teen heartthrob or something. If I was interested in girls, that would have me really happy, I'm sure. Guys are more my thing, I guess I've known about a year and a half now, and I guess I'll have to live with it. But them picking on me couldn't have been because I was gay either. TRUST me...they did NOT know! Nobody knew except for me and that 'rosey palm' I've been dating. And it wasn't a personality issue. I mean I DID have friends, and I wasn't exactly antisocial. I don't know...I felt like everything 'fit' like it was supposed to. But NOW? Here with these brats... everything was reversed. The only thing that mattered was the money that I didn't have. The money I'd NEVER have. And I have to be honest...I hated them for it! I loathed them with every clench of my fist, with every grit of my teeth...because I knew that every taunt, every giggle, every extended stare with a smile...was meant for me. And my only defense was to hate them back.
However, there seemed to be an exception to the rule. There always is. It was the presence of one entity that kept me going back for more. One persona in particular that was out of range of the word 'hate', or even 'dislike', for that matter. I can't explain what it felt like to see him in the flesh. He just had this purity to him, this gentle beauty that the others didn't possess. Every morning he would get on the bus at one of the northern suburban stops, and he'd sit a few seats in front of me on the other side of the bus. He didn't have as long of a trip as I did, so he would only ride with me for about ten minutes the rest of the way to school. But believe me, those were the best ten minutes of my day. I didn't know his name, who he was, what he sounded like, or anything else of use, really. But I think that vague mystery that made him more attractive to me than normally possible for a 'stranger'. He was just so cool to watch from a distance. He had one of those faces that you couldn't help but stare at. Everything just fit together so perfectly, like God had sculpted him fresh that very morning, it was enchanting. The first few times I saw him, I thought he was cute. No denying that. And a few times after that, I entertained the fantasy of getting him naked and ready in some teenage hormone-induced 'interlude'. It was around that time that I considered him HOT, and would tense up when I saw the bus slowing down at his stop. I'd stare at him mercilessly. His chest, his neck, his arms, his hands, any bit of skin that I could see peek out from his clothes, dreaming of what delicious parts of him they lead to. This mystery boy had become the star of my every masturbation. Not even the cuties in the magazines could compete. I was crazy about him. But that all faded away, and the very enigma behind who he really was, in real life, not just my fantasies, intrigued me to dig deeper.
Now, I'm no veteran when it comes to talking to boys I like. To be honest, I've never done it before. Nor have I ever been around a boy so interesting that it would compell me to come out of hiding long enough to try. This would be my first. The fact that he was usually so quiet made it even more frightening, because I didn't know what to expect. He never said a word to anybody on the bus from the time he got on until we got to school. He just sat there, his beautiful face turned out towards the window to see the passing landscape. That was all I had to go on. I remember how I used to sigh to myself quietly as the tree branches scattered the sunlight coming through the window and made it dance across his softened alluring face. I would look at his slim shoulders and slender neck. I would watch him lick his lips when they were dry, or tease his silken hair with his hands. Everything he did was just so fascinating to me. He had this really light brown hair that shined like gold when sunlight hit it, and there was never a single hair out of place. It hung low enough to tickle the sides of his developing cheekbones as the bus rocked back and forth during the trip. And sometimes he'd dig in his bag, causing him to look down, and the light brown locks would come cascading forward to hide his eyes. It was always a miraculous moment. And he had these cheeks that were downy soft, displaying a pair of thin ruby red lips that were erotically smooth and tight. Kissable lips, with the cutest little 'dent' in the middle of his upper lip, right under his nose. The boy had these bright hazel eyes that sparkled with every ray of light that passed through them. They were so wet and flourescent in their appearance, they were breathtaking. The kind of eyes that would give away what he was thinking if he wasn't so insistent on hiding them from you. Just watching him made my heart flutter. He always had this look on his face that I went crazy trying to decipher. A look of hopelessness, or maybe sadness, or concern, or just deep thought. Who knows? But I would have given anything to have known what was on his mind. Anything. Someone that could make me feel good just by being in the same general space as me, has GOT to be worth admiring. He was always wearing these cool sweaters and vests too, made of some soft material that was BEGGING to be touched and felt by every hand near it. Plus I'd watch him move in these slacks that he was always wearing. These almost-tight-but-not-quite slacks that accentuated the ripest, spongiest, cutest little teenage butt that I had ever laid eyes on. Or thought about mashing my face against, putting it lightly. It was this wonderful boy that brought adrenaline to my life, and made every moment before he got on the bus one of anticipation... and every moment after, one of pure heaven. I was so helplessly infatuated with him.
It had maybe been a few weeks at the new school when I was able to put a name to the face I had been dreaming of every morning on the way to school and every afternoon on the way home. I found out from overhearing some of the other kids at lunch talking as he briefly walked by the window. The other kids never really talked to me, personally. But this time they 'allowed' me to sit at a table close enough to hear a conversation or two. That's when they said his name...that wonderful halo of a name. Tanner. Tanner...God, even his name was cute! The very knowledge of it made me squirm with excitement. It danced through my mind for days after hearing it, and now whenever I looked at him, I silently whispered it to myself and prayed that he'd somehow get some telepathic message to turn around. If only I could say it without saying it. To speak to him...safely. He dazzled me so much! Just SEEING him for a few minutes a day was as essential to me as my own accelerated heartbeat. And I couldn't even get up the nerve to TALK to him! The burning desire to just make some kind of connection with this 'Tanner' boy of mine was honestly beginning to frustrate and depress me. It was starting to hurt almost as much as it made me smile. It's not always such a good feeling.
One day, although I had made it my life's mission to not ever miss a single disconnected moment that I had while Tanner was on that morning bus, I just couldn't stay awake for more than a few minutes that morning. The fatigue had taken a hold of me due to staying up so late the night before, and it wouldn't be ignored. I fell asleep almost as soon as I sat down. I shouldn't have stayed up to watch that special uncensored broadcast of "Akira" on the Sci-Fi channel, but I HAD to see it! I love that movie. Besides, my mom was working late as usual, and she wasn't there to tell me to go to bed. It's not that she's neglectful, she's just been put in an awkard position in order to put food on the table. That's all. Anyway, I must have been passed out for about half the bus ride, and was silently hoping that I could make it through the rest of the day without snoozing in class and getting embarrassed by one of my teachers. But when my mind became somewhat conscious again...I noticed something different. I remember waking up and feeling my head leaning against the cold steel around the bus window, rather uncomfortably, I might add. But I also felt something leaning against me from the other side of the seat. I looked over sleepily, and almost jumped when I saw him...'Tanner'...sitting RIGHT next to me. He had fallen asleep too, evidently, and was laying his sweet head on my shoulder, his warm breath heating a small spot on my arm while I tried to keep from gasping outloud. I froze! I literally FROZE solid! I was so excited that I wanted to scream, but I remained perfectly still. I didn't want to ruin this magic moment. I just sat there, feeling his head's gentle weight on my shoulder, listening to him breathe steadily, feeling that warmth on my arm. God...this MUST be what heaven is like!
Even though I did my best to fight it, my erection jumped straight up and refused to be ignored. I tried my best to think of something else, but it only tightened and stiffened and throbbed even worse. I mean...this was the boy of my DREAMS for crying outloud! And he's got his head on my shoulder! My heart started beating hard enough to make my entire body shake, and I was afraid that the trembling of my chest would be enough to wake him up. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to think. So...I did the only thing I could do. I laid my head back against the window and closed my eyes. Not to sleep, but to just...feel the moment. To truly appreciate what was happening and probably won't ever happen again in my lifetime. My mind ran wild, and all I could think about was the feel of Tanner's body so very close to mine. Touching me for the first time. I began to imagine what it would be like, me and Tanner in my bed at home, with him laying next to me and cuddling up in my warm embrace. I sighed to myself, enjoying the feeling of this angel sleeping peacefully at my side. It seemed to last an eternity, and I just absorbed the sweetened scent of his boyish breath as I felt this warm sensation cover me entirely. Enveloping me, caressing me, completing me. Then, all too soon....it was over. The bus hit a nice sized pothole in the street and the jolt of the impact caused him to jump up with a jerk. He lifted his head and I couldn't help but notice how 'disengaged' I felt all of the sudden.
He looked around for a second or two, then back at me. He must have realized what had happened, and said worriedly, "Aw dude...I'm sorry. Oh man, I'm so sorry... look... I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay man. It was just a pothole." I replied, surprised that I could put the words together at all. He looked me directly in the eye, and I had never actually seen his eyes up close before. They were gorgeous...absolutely spellbinding. It caused me to lose the rest of my sense instantly and a huge lump got caught up in the back of my throat.
"No... I mean about falling asleep on your shoulder like that. I was so tired, I think I must have dozed off." He said. I listened to the sexy rasp in his teenage voice and it tingled my ears slightly when he spoke. Every word was a song, and I had a hard time believing that this boy was even talking to me. Even if only by mistake. Looking more closely at him, I became more baffled as to how to react to him. His face was without a single spot, scar, or blemish. He was so perfect that it seriously hurt to look at him, and it was the most pleasant form of confusion than anything I've ever felt before.
"It's alright, Tanner. Really. I was asleep too. I guess..."
"How do you...?" He started. "You...you know who I am?" He asked. Oops! Nice one Derrick! Why don't you just wear a sign that says 'Fag Here' on your forehead? Right next to the 150 'I love you Tanner, kiss kiss' tattoos that I should have put on my chest to be even MORE obvious!
I was lost, what NOW? I just kind of nodded nervously and pretended it didn't happen. It was all I could do, afterall. Whether he noticed or not, I don't know. I was too scared to look. But he didn't ask so I'm hoping that's a good sign. We were both silent for a second and despite my infatuation, I had to look away from him to stop from staring hard enough to give anything away. To be so close to him made me sooooo nervous. He smelled like the cleanest boy on Earth. As though he had rose petals floating on top of his bath water. His hair was faintly scented with some strawberry type of shampoo, and the heavenly sweet aroma had fixed themselves to his soft thin sweater. He turned to look in the other direction, his silence just as much of a work of art as his conversation, and I took a few sneak peeks at his thighs. I stared at the softened, tender meat as his slacks stretched over them. Every part of him thrilled me. How could he not know that? How could he not see it in my eyes?
I couldn't keep from watching him out of the corner of my eye, it was impossible. We weren't even connected through touch anymore, and yet I cold still feel him somehow. My mind was racing, my heartbeat was racing, my breaths were heavy and tiring, my palms were becoming clammy and wet. But it was one of those gifted scenarios that you know fate had set up for you....just to see what you'd do. The question, 'what if', kept cycling through my thoughts over and over again, and as terrified as I was...I knew I had to say something. "I...I think you drooled on my shirt." WHAT??? NO, Derrick, NO!!! WRONG thing to say! Totally the WRONG thing to say!
"Oh man...I'm sorry. God, that's gross..." He said.
"NO! No...I mean, it's ok." I don't think he was buying it. "I mean...it's an old shirt." Ok...so maybe fate just wanted to laugh at me a little bit today.
"So old that you'd rather have a big wet spot of some strange kid's drool on it?"
"Sure...it's like....decoration." Hey, it was the best I could come up with on short notice. YOU try sitting next to the boy who represents everything perfect and beautiful about life, and see how weel YOU do!
And then...it happened. He looked at me, a bit confused at first, and then I saw the most adorable smile spread across his lips. Oh wow....if only you could have seen it with your own eyes. It was the most beautiful thing ever invented. And he grinned a bit at my offbeat comment, relieving a little bit of that tension that was threatening to choke me to death if I didn't escape it soon. And that was the beginning of a 'small talk' kind of conversation. A little info here, a few smiles there, basic stuff, you know? It made things a little more comfortable now that I was actually engaged in some sort of activity with him. Because before...he was totally untouchable to me.
It was kind of cool to know a bit more about the boy behind this piece of eye candy, this boy named 'Tanner'. He was a bit shy at first, and he was so incredibly cute about trying to hide it, but after a couple of exchanges he was obviously happy to have somebody to talk to. Go figure, all that quiet time on the bus, and all he needed was for someone to talk to him. We got off of the bus once we got to school, and took a second to speak before going our separate ways. "So...Derrick, right?" He asked.
"Yeah...that's me." My chest felt hollow inside, jittery and uneasy just from hearing my name come out of those slightly parted lips of his.
"Maybe I'll see ya around or something?"
"Yeah....maybe. I mean...I hope so." Arrrgh! Just shut up, Derrick!
"Cool. Well...take it easy. Nice meeting you, man." He said, and I watched as Tanner walked off to the other end of the hall and disappeared around a corner. I don't know what the hell just happened here...but it felt GOOD!
We didn't see each other again for the rest of the morning, not until lunch. I would usually eat by myself while trying to mentally avoid everyone else in the room, but Tanner just happened to cross my pat that morning. It turns out we have the same lunch period, but he usually eats outside in the courtyard. So he invited me to come join him, and I snapped up to my feet with a heartfelt acceptance. Then we actually ATE lunch together! We talked, we laughed, and our 'small talk' went a bit further beyond what we skittered through on the bus. I hung on his every word, and still had time to appreciate the little details that made him so magnetic for me. The way the wind would blow a few wisps of hair up into his eyes, and the way he'd lightly flick his head to the side to have them all fall back into place. The way his mouth would move, his lips, over his teeth, hiding his tongue. His soft hand gestures that accentuated every sylable with a movement all it's own. As we sat in that courtyard, almost alone except for the small group of kids in an opposite corner, I felt like I was actually...making progress. How weird is that. He felt like an actual FRIEND all of the sudden, and it became easier to tune into one another as we connected. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't ACCEPT it. Was this... like a date or something? It was for me. I just sat their gazing into his eyes most of the time, and feeling that shiver go through the pit of my stomach when I didn't look away fast enough. It was almost like a playful little game for me, seeing how long I could stare before my body reacted to him involuntarily. I even loved the cute way he ate his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, from the outside in so he wouldn't get any crumbs on his flawless face. Probably a rich kid thing. But out of all the rich snobs in this whole school, Tanner was the only one that appealed to me. Sure, there were plenty of cuties there, more than most schools I'm willing to bet, but they weren't as beautiful on the inside as Tanner was. They didn't have that down to earth radiant 'glow' about them like Tanner did. That invisible 'something' that made you want to just share some of that light with him, even if only for a little while. That, to me, made all the difference.
"Dude...I think you should do it! If the coaches are asking you to join a team, why not?" I asked in the middle of our first 'legit' conversation.
"What? Join Soccer or Lacrosse?"
"Whatever. Do BOTH if you want."
"Nah..." He said. "Really, I'm not into sports all that much. I don't know...I think the whole athletic mentality is kinda wasted on me. You know?"
He was just too cute for words. "I guess I can see your point. It's kinda wasted on me too. But I try to fake it from time to time." I said.
"Oh really now? Well one of these days you'll have to show me how to do that without totally embarrassing myself." He giggled.
"Maybe I will." I smiled. I told him that I would be playing basketball in a park by my house after school if he wanted to join me. He thought I was just fooling around at first, but I was dead serious. I made sure he knew that he was more than welcome, and he looked like he was ready to say yes. But when a group of our 'classmates' entered the courtyard, our 'Eden' was invaded. They were the kind of rich kids that need to make noise and bang around in order to make their presence felt. Something Tanner could do just by being in the same room with you. It was more than a disruption in my mind, it was more like a violation. And they made sure to acknowledge that a lesser lifeform was in the area. In case you weren't taking notes...that lifeform is me.
When they came over, mischevious grins already appearing on their faces, Tanner's whole tone changed. I could tell, and we both got quiet. But it's never that easy to escape a 'situation' in high school. They didn't bother with too much of the pleasantries before coming out to ask me where I lived. Probably knowing the answer to that already.
"Um... up north, way up north." I said, trying to avoid the 'less than popular' name of my little run down edge of the city.
"Where up north?"
"You know... not too far from dowtown Chicago... a little North of there." I was trying, but there was no way they weren't gonna let me hide. Not this time.
"What's the name of the area?" They asked. I obviously couldn't get out of it, so I just gave in with a defeated sigh, and told them the name of the neighborhood. They reacted exactly the way I expected them to. Some frowned, some turned up their noses, and others tried to hold back from snickering in my face. TRIED. I didn't expect any better from them, it was a predictable result as far as they were concerned. But to have them do this to me in front of Tanner really hurt me. You have no idea. Everything was going so well, and these pricks decided that they were going to come over here and make a clown out of me in front of the most adorable boy in school. Yeah...it hurt. More than you know. So, without saying much more than a quietly mumbled 'goodbye' to Tanner, I just packed up what was left of my lunch and walked away. At least he wasn't laughing at me too, but he didn't make much of an effort to stop me from leaving either. Whatever. I'm an idiot for getting wrapped up in some stupid fantasy anyway. That was it. That was the end of my 'date', and seemingly my LIFE from the way it felt inside. I was so humiliated, my stomach tied itself into a tight knot at the pointless, hateful, nature of the whole situation. Why? Why did they do it? They're never going to fucking leave me alone. And now that Tanner knows...he's probably going to avoid me like the plague from now on. Friend or no friend...nobody wants to be associated with the kid everyone makes fun of. Nobody.
My face stayed frowned up for the rest of the school day. It was like being numb from the world outside, and yet still feeling a stabbing pain inside. I'm never going to be able to talk to him again. Not ever. It's ruined. How am I supposed to be able to face him now? He's gonna think I'm some kind of joke. There's nothing worse than wanting to be just like the people you hate more than anything...just so you can 'compete'. It's the worst!
I reluctantly took the first bus home as I usually do, afraid that my fears would be reinforced, that he'd completely snub me and I'd know for a fact that it was over. All over...in the course of a single day. I saw him get on the bus shortly after I sat down, and I turned my head to look out of the window in shame. If I met his eyes, those gorgeous eyes, and saw disgust reflected in their mirror like image, I'd die. I'd keel over, right here, right now, and DIE! But...Tanner surprisingly sat next to me again. He plopped down as though nothing had happened, and smiled. "What's up?"
"Hey..." I said quietly, still trying to hide the unfortunate details of my bank account from him. Even though the other kids all teased me at school, this was the first time I was actually ashamed of my financial position. Because I didn't NEED to be anybody special for the rest of those jerks. I NEEDED to be special for Tanner. It just seemed like our worlds were so far apart, untouchable, invisible from where we were standing. It sucks.
Tanner leaned over to butt shoulders with me playfully, "You ok? You look like you had a rotten afternoon." He grinned.
"Um...yeah...I guess you could say that." I was still scared to look him in the eye. My mind was trying to figure out if this was all supposed to be a big part of the joke. This school hasn't really been nice to me so far, and I was kinda expecting the other shoe to drop.
That's when Tanner gently shook my shoulder to get my attention. "Hey..." I finally gave a quick glance in his direction to let him know I was listening. "...I hope you weren't those assholes at lunch get you down. They've got nothing better to do than pick on other people. It's the only thing that makes them feel important, you know? Without that they're nothing."
"Yeah..." I mumbled.
"I MEAN it, k? Don't sweat it. They're not as 'well off' as they pretend to be, anyway. You just worry about being you, and they'll get bored and leave you alone soon enough. It's no biggie."
"Heh...that's easy for you to say. You're rich."
"No I'm not..." He giggled, "My PARENTS are!" I gave him a strange look and the big goofy smirk on his face actually made me smile. "Hehehe, there we go. A genuine smile, and it didn't cost me a cent." God...could this boy be any more....magic?
We talked for another couple of minutes, and it seemed as though the tension I felt before had evaporated into thin air. We slipped right back into being in sync with one another easily, and I was getting to the point where I could look at him for a bit longer without losing control of my heartbeat. Well...as long as I didn't stare too hard. During the conversation, he said he was kinda pissed about last night. "Last night?" I asked. "What happened?"
"I was trying to stay awake and watch this late night special, right? But I conked out somewhere in the middle and my VCR didn't record anything but static. I think I set it wrong or something." He said, that cute little flick of his head sending his hair back into place out of his eyes.
"Ouch. Bummer, man. What was it?"
"I'd never seen it before, but it was playing this, like, uncensored version last night, and I figured that's the best time to see it. I'd heard good things about it, you know...."
"Omigod! Was it 'Akira'???" I said, excited.
"YEAH! That's what it was! You SAW it?"
"Of COURSE I saw it! I love that movie. Dude, I can't believe you've never seen it before."
"Derrick, dude, you HAVE to tell me what happens at the end!"
"I will NOT! You have to rent it from the video store and watch it! I'm not gonna let you slide by with some 'Akira Cliff Notes'." I laughed.
"Awwww, you SUCK!" He giggled along with me, but it was getting close to his stop to get off the bus. "Listen, I'll tell you what....maybe I can rent it...and...you can come over and watch it with me or something?" He said.
The words 'instant erection' have never been more true than at that very moment. "Um....yeah....ok...." I said, attempting to hide the trembling of my voice. My whole body went hot and cold at the same time. Was I even breathing? I couldn't tell.
"Sweet! You gotta notebook or something?" He asked, reaching into his pocket for a pen.
"Yeah...right here." I gave him my notebook, and I nervously tried to contain my infatuated grin from bursting out of control.
"Ok..." He said as we got to his stop. The bus stopped and he hurriedly and gave me his phone number, scribbled out neatly at the top of the page under his name. 'Tanner'...sighhh....even his HANDWRITING was cute! I got his phone number! His phone number!!! AHHHHHH!!!!
"You make sure you call me later, k? If not tonight, then tomorrow." He said as he got off the bus. Then he happily walked away towards home. I watched him for as long as I could before the bus took me around a corner and he was gone. My heart was lifted so high that I never thought I'd catch my breath again! How could this boy, this wonderful boy, become the end all be all love of my life in a single day? I had never felt so good!
I ran home once I got off the bus myself, and fell back on the couch hard, breathless at the idea of what had just happened today. I know, I know...don't get your hopes up, Derrick. It's likely that this is as good as it will ever get. But I can dream can't I? Oh BOY can I dream! I reached down to adjust myself, feeling my pants beginning to tent out in the front. I could still hear his voice, still smell his shampoo, still bathe in the beauty of his smile. Mmmmmm....maybe...just one little 'interlude' before I meet the other guys at the park. I rubbed the hardness in front of me, pushing my hips up slightly, feeling those tingles all over my body...and I reached down to undo my belt...
"Oh honey, I didn't see you come in." Came a voice from behind the couch! My MOM'S voice!
"WHOAH! Uh..HI!" I said, startled and leaning forward quick before she got a hint of what I was about to engage in. "What are you doing home?"
"I switched shifts with Tammy tonight. So I'm working another late one. I sure am glad she was nice enough to offer, because it would have been hell trying to work late last night and then take an early shift this morning."
She looked a bt tird, but I was sure she had gotten herself some sleep while I was away at school. I hated to see her work so hard. She almost never had any fun at all. "Yeah, I'm a bit tired too, I guess."
"Uh-huh..." She said with a knowing smile. "I'M tired because I worked last night. YOU'RE tired because you stayed up and watched that 'Akira' flick last night."
"I'm nobody's fool, kiddo. Next time you're up late, and you don't want me to know..." She leaned over to kiss me on the top of my head, "...don't leave the tv tuned into the Sci-Fi Channel. At least give me SOME credit." She gave me a playful, but repremanding smack on the head and walked back into the kitchen. I swear, she knows everything. "Oh, and your friends came by earlier. They said they'd meet you at the park if you're still going."
"Ok. Thanks mom!" I sat there for a second or two and silently reattached my belt, waiting for 'Mr. Happy' to go down. And then I went to my room to change into some sweats and all to hit the court and play with my old friends from around the old neighborhood. We tried keeping in contact, but I could already feel them slipping, you know? We seemed to lose a little something every day, and I knew that they were going to be closer to each other than they are with me. It's just going to happen, I'm sure of it.
The basketball game that day was the usual fright fest. In our games, things were a bit different. It was every man for himself, and fights and hard elbows in the face were not only 'legal manuevers', they were an expected 'strategy' in order to get the ball. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the fact that we were only down by four points, who knows? But I happened to take one of those elbows right in my ribs and was knocked to the ground. The guy that did it was huge, and I knew that it was on purpose and I knew that it was part of the game. But for some reason my adrenaline caused me to pick a fight with this guy. This monster that was almost twice my size...and before I knew what hit me, he made sure that he spent the rest of the afternoon kicking my ass! Good thinking, Derrick. Next time we can throw a rock at Mike Tyson! Needless to say, that guy and his boys got away with it, the game was over, and my friends ended up helping me half of the way back home. My mom had already left for work, so I'm sure I had another day before I got read the riot act for that little mishap. Still, I don't think I looked TOO bad. Nothing that wouldn't heal in a few days and stop aching after a week. So I guess I'm ok. As Tanner would say, 'no biggie'.
The next morning. I got on the bus looking a little haggard and bruised, trying to hide a bit of it through a flawless act of 'normalcy'. But when Tanner got on the bus, his smile faded pretty quickly. "Dude... what the hell happened to you?"
"Big fight on the court yesterday. Just some bullshit, I should've known better. But hey, I'm sure that my face made his fists really sore! So I guess I showed him, right?"
Tanner kind of laughed meekly at my attempts at bringing humor to such a weird situation. But I could tell that he was genuinely concerned. It was like he had never seen anybody get beat up before. It was that day, I think, that I realized that Tanner truly cared about me. It was beyond being polite or trying to be nice to the kid that gets picked on. He CARED. And that made me dive even deeper into this rush of emotions that he was bringing so effortlessly to the surface. There was no doubt about it...I was falling in love.
We became inseperable over the next two or three weeks, bonding more and more with every realization of how much we had in common. It was crazy how amazing this all was. And I finally got to see his house too. It was humongous! His bedroom alone was practically bigger than my whole house! And he had this full basement with a pool table, and a giant fish tank in the wall, and a professional dart board, and an actual arcade game in it! An old stand up console of Galaga! It was like a Barbie dream house but for guys! We finally got to sit down and watch the rest of 'Akira', and once he finished it all the way through, we had to watch it over and over, again and again, until we almost knew it word for word. And if we ever disagreed on anything for more than a few seconds, one of us would shout "Tetsuo!!!" and the other would shout "KANEDA!!!" and we'd break down into a fit of laughter until we forgot what we were talking about. He was GREAT! Everything about Tanner was perfection, and the more I got to know him, the more I wanted him. But not with the same feverish frenzy of lust and passion that I had in the beginning. No, this was different. It was changing. Growing. I just got to a point where I wanted him beside me at all times. Not neccessarily rolling around or anything. Just....there. Him and me, against the world. The thought of it created a side of me that I didn't even know was there. But I liked it! And I needed him to make it real.
Naturally, the kids teased me twice as bad at school while my scrapes and bruises healed, making even more jokes about where I live. Believe me when I say that some days I was a comment or two short of showing them EXACTLY what it's like to get beat up like this! But...knowing them...they probably had a gang of lawyers on standby for just such a situation. Pussies! So yeah, the other kids did their worst to try to break me. But Tanner just made me feel so good about myself when I was with him that it just didn't matter anymore. Tanner even 'defended' me most of the time, telling them to let it go. Or sometimes he'd just put a hand on my shoulder and say, "C'mon, let's get out of here." and walk me away from all that nonsense. It made me want to stick out my tongue and give them the finger at the same time. It was incredible, and for a good little while, I hadn't even thought of him sexually at all. Not that the attraction wasn't still there. Because in my opinion, he was still, undoubtedly, the hottest boy for miles around. And nobody could touch him, not even if they tried.
Our friendship continued to grow, beyond anything I ever would have thought possible in the beginning. Certainly not while I was gazing at him and wishing I had the balls to speak to him. But what surprised me most, was his acceptance of everything that I did. I mean, a few hugs here and there, or a compliment...that I tried to keep as 'masculine' as humanly possible, of course...he never thought it was weird. He never flinched, never backed away. In fact, once I start giving him little hugs and touches, he began to get even more addicted to the feeling than I was. We were reaching a point where we would look at each other and just smile for no reason at all. He was enjoyable, and funny, and sexy, and cool, and just...an incredibly beautiful person. But as much of a nut as I was when he was around me, I never came right out and told him how I felt. For the idea to even cross my mind was terrifying. Instead I fell in love with the idea of him and me...even more than the real thing. Because, let's be honest, the real thing doesn't exist. I'm lucky, but I'm not THAT lucky!
However, just when I thought that things couldn't get any better, that Tanner and I had reached that level of 'closeness' where we couldn't get any closer without being...you know...involved. There's a certain line of heterosexuality that you just can't cross. Occassionally, you can step on it. You can even DANCE on it if you live overseas somewhere. But you can't cross it. But one afternoon...I got the feeling that Tanner was thinking of pushing that limitation. He surprised me by coming over to my house after school, and he had carried over a big box for me on the bus. I thought it was weird that he was visiting me out of the blue at the time, even moreso that he was lugging this 'thing' with him, but I was really happy to see him anyway. "What's this for?" I asked.
"It's a present. For you." He said, straining to set it down in the driveway. He looked relieved to put it down, and it made me swoon to see him look up at me, breathing a bit heavy, the slight moisture on his forehead causing a few wisps of hair to stick to it. He looked so delicious right then.
"Hehehe, why? It's not my birthday." I said, confused. "Since when did it have to be your birthday for you to get a present?"
"Well it's not Christmas either." I grinned.
"Sigh...look...I just dragged this huge piece of junk over here on a BUS! So you're either gonna take it, or I'm gonna beat you to death with it." He smiled between huffs and puffs, and I got the message. I walked over and he leaned the flat box against me.
"What is it?"
"Just open it. It's a gift from me to you...for being a friend." Tanner said. I don't know why it hit me so swiftly, or what made it so powerful, but the tone of his voice, the look in his eye, and everything that I had been thinking since day one, struck me like a bolt of lightning. Suddenly weeks and weeks worth of love and sexual thoughts rushed into my head all at once, and reduced me to that scared chicken that used to sit behind him on the bus all over again. I stumbled a little bit, a nervous jumble of emotions making me weak in the knees, and opened the box. I looked inside and almost teared up. I couldn't believe it, and I was kinda choked up as to what to say.
My silence got Tanner to speak, "It's a basketball hoop to go on the side of your house..." he said, looking at the emotion on my face. "... So you don't have to play in that dangerous park across town anymore. I figured...I'd get you a good one from the actual sporting goods store. Now just you and your friends can play."
I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Something like this was...expensive. I had never gotten a gift like this before, I was frozen. "Tanner...you didn't....you didn't have to buy me this." I said softly.
"I know. That's the cool part! Out of all the friends I've ever had, you're the only one who doesn't want or expect anything from me other than my company. It's kind of neat to feel wanted for a change." If only he knew how wanted he was! Still unable to talk, really, I think Tanner started to get uncomfortable. "You...you know, if you don't like it...I mean, if it's too big or something, I can take it back. I can get you something else if you want..." He was so adorable.
I walked over to him, still trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes, and hugged him lovingly around his neck. "I love it Tanner. Oh my God..I love it."
"Oh...ok. Well..good." He mumbled, and I just held my arms around his neck. I knew that I was probably breaking a whole shitload of 'man rules' out here in the open...and getting ready to CRY on top of it, but my arms just wouldn't let go.
"No one has ever done something this nice for me Tanner. Thank you. Thank you sooo much."
"Uh....k..." Was all Tanner said. His voice was shaking now, and I don't think he expected me to be quite so grateful. I felt him tremble slightly in my arms, and I could tell that he was getting really fidgety now. I should probably let him go. I wanted to let him go. But my arms refused. They only held on tighter. I inhaled the sweet scent of his chest, and I could feel his heart beating next to mine. I loved that sensation. It made me pull him even closer to me, and I held on.
Neither one of us said a word, but I could clearly hear him breathing over my shoulder, as I'm sure he could hear mine. I just...held him there. And soon...I felt him raise his arms rise up softly over my back...to hold me too.
Our hug lasted an eternity and I felt this soft, gentle panic race through me as I felt his hands running up and down my back incredibly slow. His fingers had a feather's touch and he was definitely quaking inside. His chest quivered so sweetly against mine and I was suddenly overwhelmed with an attraction that almost made me take him right there in my front yard. I was afraid to let go, because if I looked at him, if I saw those eyes, those lips...I'd kiss him. There's no 'maybe' involved here. I WOULD kiss him! It's almost worth throwing everything away..just for that kiss. Oh man, what have I done. I've come full circle right back to square one. I'm a lovesick puppy again.
I heard Tanner take a deep breath, and his hands started creeping down back, lower, and lower...ever so softly. Then they sank to my waist, exciting me almost to the point of orgasm. I hugged him closer than before, but was hoping he wouldn't feel the bulge in the front of my pants. And then, his hands timidly traveled lower, trembling madly as it began to cup the gentle rise on the top of my cheeks.
My body reacted all on its own, and I couldn't help but jump. I inhaled quickly and he suddenly jumped back in horror. His eyes were wide and he had a bulge in his pants that he covered up with his hands as he turned away from me. He got extremely flustered, his face a deep shade of red. He started apologizing like he had cut off one of my fingers or something. He was mortified, almost in tears. It took him a few moments to even calm down enough to stutter out the words, "I'm sorry Derrick... I... I should go. I've gotta go now."
"No...No don't go. Tanner, wait..."
"I have to go."
"I just do, ok? I hope you like the gift." He said, using his hair, his hands, his frantic pacing back and forth, to hide his face from me entirely. He just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could.
"I told you, I LOVE the gift..."
"STOP saying that!" He shouted all of the sudden. And we looked at one another in silence, both a bit confused as to what was happening here between us. And how it came to a boiling point so unbelievably fast. "I....I just..." He started, but couldn't find the words.
"Don't leave, ok? Look....why don't you just come on in for a while, we'll talk for a while or something."
"JUST for a little while? C'mon...please?" I begged, and he pouted for a quick second as he turned to walk in through my front door.
We grabed a soda or two and went into my bedroom. It was claustrophobic in comparison to his and the paint was worn and faded, but Tanner didn't seem to mind at all. Or even notice for that matter. We laid back on the bed the short way, our legs hanging over the side and tried to find some way to get back to being normal again. But it wasn't going to be all that easy this time around. We started off with that same kind of meaningless 'small talk' that we had indulged in that first day on the bus. A little talking about this and and a little talking about that, it was all pleasant, sure. But what I really wanted him to talk about was the scene outside. There wasn't really a way to segue into it, so I just asked him about it point blank. "Tanner? What exactly happened out there in the yard? With you and me, I mean."
He paused and then said, "I don't know..." Another short silenced passed and he whispered, "What do you think happened?"
"I don't knw either. It was kinda...you know...weird." Not more than a second after the words had left my lips, Tanner turned over on his side away from me. I reached out to get him to look at me, but he pulled his shoulder back and turned his face down into the mattress. "Dude, are you ok?"
"Leave me alone..." He sobbed.
"Wait...I didn't mean...I just mean it was 'weird' like...well YOU know what I mean. Right?"
"C'mon Tanner, don't be mad at me. Please?" Tanner slowly rose up onto his elbows, and he was crying. His eyes seemed to drip tears of pure silver as he finally opened a bit of himself to me.
"I want so badly to be like everybody else, Derrick. I want so badly to be normal. But I'm NOT. And no matter how hard I try, I just...I can't stop...feeling this way! I just can't make it STOP!"
"Feeling what way?" I asked, but he didn't answer. "Tanner...talk to me. Feeling what way?"
He hesitated at first, as though the words had a huge brick wall to break down before they could reach the surface, but with determination, and a few more warm tears spilling from his eyes, he told me. "I like...I like guys, Derrick." He said, and nce again...I was frozen. "Did you hear me? I said I like boys! Alright! I said it! Happy now! Tanner, the little teenage heartbreaker with the fat wallet and the big house...is a fag! Har har...you can LAUGH now!"
A cold shiver ran through me. A surreal feeling of disbelief washed over my entire body and I couldn't really understand what I was hearing. Tanner was the most wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful boy that I had ever seen in my young life. I had been worshipping the ground he walked on since I first laid eyes on him. And on top of everything else, we had become the very best of friends...even without the sighs and the glances and the dreamy ideas of what it would be like to be with him. I couldn't have thought up a more ideal love interest if I tried!. To hear those words come out of his mouth should be the most amazing experience of my life! And yet, here he was, telling me that he was gay...and I was completely lost as to what to do with myself. As it sunk in a bit deeper, layer after layer of comprehension reaching my emotional involvement at last, I found myself turning into a puddle of butterflies. The air around me seemed to heat up about 50 degrees and I felt my limbs go numb as I moved closer to comfort him. He shrugged me off at first, but when I put my arms around him, he wept openly in my arms. I could feel his tears soaking through my shirt, and my care for him kept him wrapped up in a tender embrace.
"Tanner..." I said, my voice trying hard not to crack under pressure. "Liking guys doesn't mean you can't love somebody. We're just like anybody else."
Was it a slip of the tongue on my part? I don't think so. I felt more like an admission. A confession. And it felt sooo good to actually speak it outloud for the first time in front of someone else. Especially when it's the boy you've been crazy in love with since you met him. Tanner caught on to what I said right away and he looked up at me with sad, but questioning, eyes. His hazel specs glowed with an escalating level of hope and I melted when he said with a hazy voice, "....we?"
"Yeah..." I repeated nervously. "We..." I looked him in the eyes, this time, able to stare at them head on without backing down, without turning away, without so much as a giggle. And with a passion that was rapidly growng beyond my control, I began to lean forward, closer to his lips, instinctively doing what my body was telling me it wanted and needed so badly. But, as I came close enough to him, Tanner backed away from me.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know...but I can't help it anymore..." I whispered, and for the very first time in my life...I kissed somebody. I kissed Tanner delicately on his lips, and I felt myself become absolutely weightless. Tanner's breath suddenly rushed out of him as our lips lovingly moved together in a kiss that seemed to stop all time! It could have been anybody, but it was Tanner, the love of my life, and the center of my world. It was electric.
We broke the kiss, and exhaled loudly as we remembered to breathe again. We both broke out into this sleepy half cocked grin, and we flopped back onto the bed, our eyes staring at the ceiling. Our young hearts were beating 100 miles a minute, and my whole body was tingling. It tickled all over, and after a few minutes of sitting there doing nothing, I reached out and held his hand. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that." I said.
"Not as long as I have, I'll bet." He replied, and it took me by surprise. I turned to look over at him, still so beautiful that it was almost painful to be close to him and NOT kiss him...and I leaned in for another peck on the lips. I looked into his eyes for a moment and he kissed me again. And again. Our quick pecks soon turned into a more slow and passionate liplock that blocked out every difference that we had ever had, and made us equal in every way. We were both so new at this, but had no trouble figuring out what to do. Even when our tongues met for the first time, and began to rub and slide against one another as we made out for what seemed like an hour. I couldn't tell if we were breathing or not, and I didn't care. He was an even better kisser in real life than he was in my dreams. Oh my God...his lips were honey sweet, and they made you thirsty for another kiss the second he pulled away from you. My hands ran up and down his side, his caressed my lower back as they had outside, but this time, I allowed him to go all the way down. To grab at me, and pull me into him as we lay on our sides. I heard the most adorable whimper escape his lips as we kissed, and it made me kiss him even harder. His hair would occassionally brush accross my face as we rolled over one another, not saying a single word. I thought I was going to explode.
I could feel Tanner's hardness as he lay down on top of me, and I could feel the pressure as he pushed it forward into my own bulge. His light weight frame was covering me, and his kiss drew my senses right out of me. But below the waist, I was crying for more. I gently rolled my angel off of me, and let my kisses travel down to his soft warm neck. At first, I used my hand to steady myself by putting it on the softness of his young belly, but as the tent in his pants grew more fierce, I let it travel further downward and tenderly gave it a squeeze. Tanner let out a high pitched whimper and used his hands to hold my head closer to his neck as I licked him there. Tanner rolled over a bit more onto his back and moaned softly as I continued to grope and massage him through his pants. I used my free hand to lift up his sweater, exposing his two erect nips to me, and I sucked at them lovingly. The tight brown nipple got even more sensitive as I nibbled on it lightly. Tanner ran his fingers through my hair, and as I looked up, I saw him with his eyes closed, his mouth half open as I pleasured him. So I took it a step further. It's what I had been waiting for. I was able to unzip his pants aftr a few tries, and reached inside. It was soooo hot in there. I felt around as Tanner gasped outloud, and took a hold of the organ inside. With another few squeezes, making Tanner squirm and wiggle uncontrollably on the bed, I brought it out of its warm hiding place. The heat was incredible, it was like this thermal wave that passed from him to me though our sensual contact, and just holding it there in my hand was enough to almost push me over the edge.
"Mmmmm....wait...Derrick. Lemme take these off.." He whispered, and I let go long enough for him to remove his pants all the way. I was glued to seeing his cute teen body become more and more naked in front of me as his pants and then underwear followed. His ass was beyond explanation. I felt my 5 inches throb just looking at it. The beautiful shape of it, the cute little tan line, and little dimples in the sides. Wow...I'm in heaven. He caught me looking and smiled. "This isn't a one man show, cutie." He said seductively, and I stood up to take my pants off too, our shirts finding their way to the outer corners of the room, shortly after. We were completely naked with the exception of our white socks, and we met in the middle of the bed to engage in another kiss. It was a bit awkward, trying to lay back down and kiss at the same time, but we managed, and began rolling around, back and forth, all over again. Feeling his smooth flesh sliding against mine, unrestricted, our bodies became one and we began instinctively grinding into each other slowly. His silky skin felt so right, his breath on my cheek as we kissed was such an awesome sensation. I didn't ever want to stop. I switched around and lowered my head slowly, kiss after kiss down his stomach, to my prize as he waited impatiently. The aura of heat around his hardness warmed my face, his thighs wiggling in anticipation, and I kissed the tip of it delicately, reaching out my tongue in a slow lick to get a taste. Tanner jumped at first, but then silently urged me to go further with pleading eyes. It was then that I took him into my mouth, for one long suck as far down as I could go. Tanner was delicious, just as I knew he would be, and his flavor filled my mouth, his scent filled my nostrils...I couldn't believe I was here doing this. I couldn't believe any of this was happening!
I took the time to explore every inch of him with my probing tongue. The slightly salty piss slit, the rubbery head at the top of his stiff member, the ridge of his circumcised helmet...it was all candy to me. I let my tongue feel every vein and artery as the texture of his velvet smooth skin slid in and out of my moist lips. I rubbed my hands continuously over his thighs and reached under to grip the globes of his tempting ass tightly as he pushed his hips up into my face. Tanner was moaning at this sexy high pitch that didn't even sound like him anymore. It sounded more like the joyful noise a five year old would make when he got a new toy! Tanner was writhing wildly now, trying to keep his legs from moving, trying to find something to do with his hands, burying his fingers into the blond locks of my hair. I let my head move up and down a few times, and then I would let him push up into my warmth on his own for a few times more. Then, I felt him swivel around with his hardness still in my mouth. I didn't want to let go of it, I was salivating over it, hungry for it. But I let him get a bit more comfortable before letting my lips rise and fall on his shaft again. Then...I felt his hand reach out to gently take hold of my own hardness, his touch surprising me. I moaned in ecstasy as he began to rub his hands up and down, trying to give me back some of the pleasure that I was giving him. God it felt good! I sucked harder and it made him speed up his hand motions as his moans got increasingly louder by the second. The room was beginning to steam over as our sex reached new heights of passion. I sucked for all I was worth, my mouth bobbing up and down as though my life depended on it. And Tanner began to lean over, trying to reach me with the ruby red splendor of his lips. He couldn't quite lean over far enough, so I slowed down for a second, and I got on top of him in a 69 position, straddling my legs around his head as he began kissing my thighs. He was eagerly trying to get a hold of me, and when I felt my inches plunge softly into the sultry insides of his warm wet mouth, I almost lost it. It was like my whole body had caught fire, and the slippery wetness of his tongue slid accross the surface of my sensitive skin. It was mindblowing. I tried to concentrate on the service I was giving him before, But I couldn't. It felt too good, it was all too amazing, and while lost in a sensory overload, I felt my orgasm burn a blazing hot trail through me. I used what was left of my self control to raise up on my knees and pull out of his mouth before it was too late, and he took hold of me again as I exploded. Jet after jet of warm juices splashed across his neck and chest. I whined, cried, and purred as I used my tongue to further stimulate him. The taste of him..oh wow...the taste of him. He suddenly jerked up himself as he entered his own climax by surprise, and with a high pitched moan he sprayed into my mouth. He evidently didn't have time for a warning, and I hadn't expected it at all. It caught me off guard. I had no choice but to swallow every drop. But once the first few suirts went down ok, I greedily suckled at the rest of it as though I had been doing it all my life. And we laid tangled up in each other like that for quite a while. We couldn't move, not after that. Our bodies were spent, every muscle relaxed, our heads still spinning in the throws of orgasmic bliss. I climbed back up into Tanner's loving arms, and we both squirmed together, not being able to find a spot comfortable enough to rest in while our bodies became more sensitive to touch than they ever had before. It was like every nerve ending had been magnified 100 times and was just waiting for someone to touch it so it could set us off again. But...at last, our teen bodies relaxed and our breath came back to us.
Tanner looked over at me passionately as I lay next to him. We both were side by side, completely naked on top of the covers. He kissed me on the cheek giggled playfully. "So...what now?" He asked.
"I don't know. I don't care either...as long as we get to do that AGAIN! And soon!" I answered.
"And AGAIN!!!" We laughed, and kissed again, our tongues intertwined naturally, as we made a very unheard of revelation. Well...unheard of to US anyway. I think this means....I have a BOYFRIEND! HE has a BOYFRIEND! We BOTH have BOYFRIENDS! Shit! What are the odds?
We laid like that for a while, his head leaning comfortably on my shoulder the way it had been on the bus that one fateful morning. I could still smell traces of the sweet strawberry shampoo on his hair and kissed his head as he ran his hands in small circles over my chest. Did this just happen? Is this even possible? I don't know for sure. I'm still scared that I'm going to wake up all of the sudden and have to change the sheets on my bed. Some things are too good to be true. But I DO know one thing. For the first time ever...I felt rich. I had it all, everything I needed to survive...laying right here next to me, touching me, loving me. I kissed him again and he returned the favor. We continued to peck, grope, stroke, and kiss each other until it was time for Tanner to go home. My mom would probably be a little....um...catatonic, if she came home and caught us like this all of the sudden. So we searched for our clothes, and I watched him get dressed again, kissing his shoulder delicately as he pulled his pants up. I SO wish he could stay!
I walked him to the door, and said, "Well....?"
"Well...?" He repeated, and we looked at each other with big bashful grins on our faces. "Hehehe, I guess this is the weird part, huh?"
"Yeah, maybe. But...I know I want to see you again though."
Tanner leaned forward a bit, and his hair fell into his eyes like it always did. "Me too." He moved up and kissed me sweetly on the cheek. Ad then he leaned to my ear and he whispered the words "I love you, Derrick." in my ear. Every word I would ever hear after that day just didn't seem to compare.
"I love you too..." I said, and we kissed again softly before he adjusted himself and left. There was no doubt about it, I was in love, STUCK in love...forever. And I've never been so happy to be so out of control. Upper class, lower class...no matter what class they 'belong' to...Tanner was in a class by himself.