"A Class By Himself 3"
Was it the dark? Was it the hormones? Maybe it was just the 'company'. But there was NO way that I could keep my hands off of Tanner. I couldn't help myself anymore. The funny thing is, we almost made it! We almost made it through an entire movie in the dark without touching or groping or making out once! He was my addiction, how could I say no? That's why I was always the first to give in to temptation. And let's be honest, EVERYTHING about Tanner was a temptation.
We were watching "Night of the Living Dead" on DVD in his basement. It was more like being at a drive-in theater, seeing it on his big screen TV. Almost like seeing it for the first time. We had a big bowl of popcorn that we put between us on the couch to further discourage any 'fooling around'. But it didn't work for long, and a little high spirited food fight forced most of it onto the basement floor anyway. No matter what we were doing, we always had moments of just total anarchy that would just keep us laughing all the time. He truly did complete me. And I never knew what was missing until he supplied me with it, and much much more.
It was strange, but no matter how much noise we made, no matter what kind of sexy games we got into, Tanner's parents never really bothered us down here. In fact, it didn't even seem like they were there most of the time, and even when they were, they didn't seem to care what we were up to. Weird. My mom would have been peeking in every five minutes. It's one of the reasons I spend most of my time at his house in the first place. Besides, Tanner was the one with all the cool gadgets and the fun stuff. At my house, the only thing I had for him to play with was...well...me.
The movie was playing at a high volume, but it got blurred into the background as Tanner's kiss became my only focus. I could feel my breath leave me all at once, making me gasp in a desperate attempt to get it back. Our saliva mixed and swirled as our tongues pushed passed one another, and I gently held his head, running my fingers through the tender strands of his hair. Tanner swung his legs up onto the couch and laid his head in my lap as I leaned over to kiss him more deeply. He felt so good to the touch. He was so soft; his hair was like silk, his skin was like liquid...and if I ever broke the kiss and looked into his big hazel eyes, I would be pulled back in only to kiss him again. It was endless. I reached a hand down to massage his excitement through his pants, and he arched his back a little to greet me. I felt it jump and twitch eagerly as I rubbed him lovingly. My eyes were cloed, and I let the darkness give way to a world of pure sensation. A world where my other senses were all I had, and Tanner was right there in the center of them all. And yet, after a few minutes of French kissing the most beautiful boy on the planet, I couldn't bear to go on without seeing his cute face below me again. So...secretly, I peeked a little with one of my eyes. But when I looked down, I saw that his eyes were already open!
"Dude! Are you watching the movie?!?!" I laughed.
"You're watching the movie!!!"
"Yes you are! I SAW you!" I grinned.
Even in the dark, I could see Tanner blush. "I'm sorry! This is my favorite part! The little girl is getting ready to kill her mom!"
"Should I wait then?" I asked.
"You can kiss me with your eyes open too if you want. But I'm not missing this." He giggled. "Peeker!"
"YES, PEEKER! What are you watching me for? You're supposed to be kissing me." He poked me in the ribs gently and I couldn't help but laugh.
"I could say the same thing, you know?" Finally, he took his eyes off of the screen.
"Sighh..." He let it breeze through his lips, and he whispered, "I love you, Derrick. You know that?"
"Hehehe, evidently not as much as this movie." I joked.
"No...I'm serious. I've never been so in love. You mean everything to me. K?" He asked, making sure that I knew he was serious. It was moments like these that made me want to soar into the clouds until I couldn't see the ground beneath my feet. And just when I was about to answer, the little girl in the movie started stabbing her mother and he jerked his head forward to see every cinematic moment of it. Hehehe, I couldn't help but love him even more. He was still watching when it was overwith, but I was still longing to taste his kiss again. I had to have it. I had to.
I smiled lovingly at him, and leaned in to go back to work on those pursed lips of his. This time though, we kept our eyes open and tried watching the screen and kiss at the same time. It's NOT easy! And I ended up laughing outloud at the awkward attempt to even try it. I've either got to concentrate on the movie or the kissing, no way I can do both. But we tried until we were both laughing too hard to go on with it. I swear, I could taste his smile, and it was delicious. But for now, we figured we'd just watch the good parts and get back to the tonsil hockey later.
Once the movie was officially over, we started it over again from the beginning and just let it play. Tanner, head still in my lap, began to touch and caress me, whispering words of love and devotion to me and making me swoon. He turned his head to gently chew at me through my pants, and then rolled over to face me as he pushed his face deeper. I held his head down with my hands, my fingers entangled in his hair, and stared straight up at the ceiling while trying to keep my heart from floating away. Over the past two months or so, Tanner and I had experienced each other many times in that basement. I knew every lick and every stroke that turned him on, and he seemed to know twice as much about me. And yet, no matter how many times we lay down together, every encounter was more beautiful, more erotic, and more fulfilling, than the last. Tanner's chewing became hungrier, and once I heard that delicate whimper of his escape his lips, I knew that we were waaaay overdressed for what we had in mind. Needless to say, we had a wonderful afternoon that day. No one in my life could have given me a fraction of the joy and love that Tanner did. Anyone else would be foolish to try.
When Tanner got on the bus the next day, he swiftly took his place at my side an we started chatting away like we always did. He told me that he still had some family in town from his birthday and that they were making him do 'rich kid' stuff this weekend. As they would normally do from time to time when they wanted Tanner to get exposed to more 'classy' persuits. "Yeah, we're going to the theater or something. Opera." He screwed up his face a bit. "I know it's supposed to be this beautiful art and all, but to me....opera equals boring. And a very LONG 'boring' at that. I'd much rather check out the new Jackie Chan flick at the cineplex. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a choice. They're making sure of that."
"Too bad man. I'm saving up to go to the movies as we speak. I've gotta date with a kung fu fightin' man! And YOU sound like you've got a date with a fat lady in a viking helmet." I said. "Looks like you're on your own."
"Oh no I'm not. Because, you're coming with me."
"What? Oh, please, Tanner. You know that snobby theater shit isn't for me. Besides, I can barely afford a movie ticket much less a ticket to the opera house."
"Don't worry about it. I've got some allowance saved up and I'm gonna buy you a ticket after school today. You can borrow one of my jackets and wear a tie and everything. It'll be cool." He said.
I looked at him sideways, "You're kidding right? I mean, this is just a joke?"
"No, it's not a joke. I really want you to go, I'll be bored out of my mind. Pleeeeeeeaaase??? I will make it up to you, I swear! Just don't leave me alone with these people." He pleaded.
"Hehehe, you are some piece of work, you know that?" Tanner looked so hopeful, like he really wanted me there, needed me there. "I'm not going." He gave me a sad puppy dog face, and I felt myself melting. Awwww, it was so CUTE! "STOP THAT! I'm not going!" He kept pouting silently. "I'm not going to fit in, everything I do is gonna be wrong...you're family is gonna hate me!"
"I won't hate you." He smiled.
"Sighhhh....God help me." I didn't know how his parents would feel about the lower class hanging out with them at the theater. They didn't strike me as being any better or more mature than the teenagers at my school. Actually, they'd probably be even worse in front of company. "Tanner....you know I'd do anything for you...but this...I don't know."
Tanner looked around the bus for any witnesses, then he took my hand in his and gently brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Derrick, I know this isn't exactly your cup of tea, mine either, believe me. But on a dark day I'll shine a little brighter knowing that you were sitting right there beside me." Tanner looked around again, and let go of my hand before anyone saw us. "It would mean a lot to me."
How could I say no to something like that? He made me an offer I couldn't refuse. "You know how to play me like a puppet, don't you? You're getting good at this."
"Does that mean you'll come to save me on this one?"
I slowly said, "Yessss...I suppose." and his bright smile filled me up with love, forcing me to smile too. Funny how strong attraction can just make you giggle for no reason. It was almost like coughing, it just came out as a laugh for some reason. Tanner and I would laugh just because we didn't have anything else to do. It was as if it were the only way for us to express our feelings, because words didn't seem to be enough.
"But you're buying my movie ticket for next week!" I demanded.
"For the next TWO weeks! I promise!" He said, and there I was...pulled into the world of the rich and fake all over again. One day I'm gonna have to learn to fight back when it comes to those puppy dog eyes.
The weekend came even faster than I expected, and I had spent all night nervously starching and ironing my pants and button down shirt as best I could. I went through the last few days not thinking it was going to be any big deal. But now that the moment was here...I felt cold, shakey, even terrified. I wanted so badly to look good for my 'date' tonight. Everything had to be perfection. BETTER than perfection, in fact! I wanted to make a good lasting impression on his parents, even if they think I'm just a 'friend'. Mrs. Munch next door let me borrow her late husband's tie and her son's old jacket. I would have borrowed Tanner's, but I was afraid I'd get it dirty or something. His clothes cost way too much money for me to be consumed with the paralyzing fear that I'd get a stain on it or something. Finally, my mom dropped me off at the bus stop, fully dressed like I was going to prom, on her way to the diner and I was on my way. Nervous and worried, I spent the entire bus trip twiddling my thumbs and fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat. Think rich, Derrick. That's what I had to keep telling myself. Think rich. I must have been moving towards the point where I rattle myself to pieces from being so scared...but when I got off the bus and saw Tanner actually waiting there to pick me up, all my fears vanished instantly. Melting away the way everything else did in my life when my eyes met his. He was sooo cute, dressed to the nines in khaki pants and a navy blue jacket with a tie and all. I just couldn't believe the utter emotion that poured out of me when I saw him like that. It made me want to whisk him away to a hotel and do wicked things with him until I was just too exhausted to go on. He looked absolutely scrumptious lke that. The way those pants hugged his tight bottom so closely, the way his jacket hung off of his slim shoulders, the way his eyes shined a bit brighter when dressed to kill...it was amazing. His lips, his soft skin, the blinding glory of his smile...God, I was so in love!
When I got closer, I could see that his hair was still a bit damp from the shower, and he still smelled sweetly of soap. Tanner was a temptation to all five senses and there was no way for me to hide how much I wanted him right then. Tanner walked over and said hello, but I was so enraptured with the sight of him that it took a few seconds for me to respond.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to just wait at your house until I got there." I said, happy to see him make the extra effort.
"Dude, my cousin's still in town and my aunt and uncle are trying to fix me up with some ditzy blond chick that they decided to bring with them. So I told them that you weren't sure how to get here, and I had to come pick you up."
"Hehehe, liar..." I smirked.
"Hey, it's for her own good. If that broad giggled at me and put her hand on my arm one more time I was going to throw her through a window, I swear!" He said, then turned slightly to say, "Shall we?"
"I'll follow you anywhere..."
We walked towards his house, and I don't know if he could tell, but the closer I got to walking through that front door, the faster my jitters returned. I didn't know how to act or what to do at a theater. I don't know how to BE...'cultured'. Why was I even here? The only time I had even seen the inside of an actual opera house like this was in a James Bond movie. But all the way to his house, I found myself constantly looking at Tanner and having an entirely new experience of love with him. It helped a little to soothe the trembles inside. Have you ever had one of those moments when you just look at someone, and it feels as though your soul has its entire purpose for existing all wrapped up in them? A moment where you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this is someone that you will remember for the rest of your days, no matter what? This...was one of those moments.
I'm sure Tanner wasn't aware of my sudden infatuation, but I really couldn't take my eyes off of him, it almost frightened me. I just kept staring at him, and the harder I tried to stop, the more attracted I was to him. There were even a few times that he would look at me and ask "What?" Wondering if he had a stain on his jacket or food in his teeth. But it was just the overall 'miracle' of him, inside and out, that made me stare with such amazement. I wasn't even thinking of sex, or love, or kissing or hugging or touching him...I don't know if I was even thinking at ALL. I just admired his gorgeous face and body in a way that made me weak in every possible way, shape, and form of the word. What had I done to get so lucky? And who can I thank for this reward?
We walked through the front gate, and eventually reached the house. The door opened and we went into the living room where his family was sitting. It was so strange, because usually we would bypass the family altogether and sneak off to a more private part of his house. I was hoping that this would go well, but the second I entered that room, all eyes were on me. You would have thought that the devil himself had gathered the nerve to walk into a church.
"Tanner...I see your 'friend' made it afterall." His mother said, making little effort to look pleased to see me. "Everyone, this is one of Tanner's...'classmates'."
"Hi..." I mumbled, and everyone sort of flashed me the same uncomfortable smile. You know the smile. The kind of shit eating grin that people give to someone when tells a dirty joke in front of a nun.
"We'll be back." Tanner said, and thankfully pulled me out of the room.
We got around the corner and I said, "Dude..I can't do this."
"Yes you can. It's ok..."
"It's NOT ok, Tanner. They hate me already, and all I said was hi."
"To hell with them. They just don't know you yet. They don't know anything about you. It takes some time for them to warm up to people anyway. It'll be fine."
"Shhh...here..." He straightened my collar a little bit, and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "You look beautiful." He smiled. "Just remember, no matter what, I'm right here with you at all times. Besides...they're going to have to get to know my boyfriend eventually, right?" I grinned at the sound of the word. Sighhh....'boyfriend'.
"You suck for this. You know that?"
"Yes I do. And I'll be sure to suck hard when we get some time alone next." He whispered it in my ear, and it took all I had to try to keep my erection at half mast until I was sitting down again. Thus, began our night at the theater.
Of course, his family made an unconvincing attempt to be nice to me the whole time before we left the house. Well, not nice, but polite at least. I tried for the next twenty minutes to sound classy, but I'm sure they saw right through that. Why was this so hard? I was smart, I was educated. The district paid to bus me to a school for gifted kids for goodness sake. Somebody had to think I was worth it. I was just as smart and classy as they were, just without the heavy wallet to hold me down. Still, something inside of me wanted to impress these people, for Tanner's sake. It didn't work out too well. Tanner's uncle seemed to be the nicest one in the bunch, and my only salvation when it came to a pause in the conversation. He was a sweet old guy who had one of those faces that just reminded you of someone you had seen before when you looked at it. Hard to explain. His aunt, however, looked like a mean old barracuda in a shiny red dress. She was one of the most evil looking women I had ever seen, with dark red make up that enhanced her vicious appearance. This woman looked like she was born with a frown on her face, and her personality didn't do much to dispel that theory. Total bitch. Tanner's cousin Jeff, however, was actually really cute. He was about 17 years old with dark brown hair and Tanner's pretty hazel eyes and red lips. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed him at the birthday party, he was a heartbreaker. Then of course there was the blond chick, Stacy. She was a pretty girl, don't get me wrong, but the biggest mistake I ever made was asking her how she was doing. She began talking at a hundred miles an hour endlessly in a high pitched voice that shot through me like a laser! She just went on and on and on, from one subject to another without so much as a breath in between. She kept giggling and grabbing my arm and driving me crazy! I looked over to Tanner in the corner, who seemed to be trying to hold back from laughing hysterically at my ordeal. I mouthed the words "Help Me!" and that only made him laugh out loud in the corner. Not that Stacy noticed in her 'hundred miles and running' run-on sentence.
We left around 6:30 and Tanner made sure that he and I got to sit in back together. We were a duo in this, even if we were technically being held hostage by the whole situation. I was there for him, he was there for me, and hopefully it would all be over in a few hours. We all arrived at the theater and when we walked inside, I couldn't hide my awe of the place. It was huge, and elegant, and beautiful...I had never seen anything like it before. But there I was, dressed up, side by side with the boy I loved, and getting a taste of a world that, until now, was waaay above and beyond my ability to grasp it. For a day, just ONE day, I was going to feel like a king in this place. I saw a few of the other kids from school who just happened to be there and they all said polite things to me as well. Things like, "We didn't expect to see YOU here." and "You clean up really nice." Thanks again. But fuck 'em, I was with the love of my life and I was going to be happy if it killed me. The weird thing is, they actually felt important being there, these other kids. I think it was some sort of status thing, instead of them actually enjoying the show. Kinda like, 'let's see who can be more cultured this week.' Whatever. Tanner and I would much rather be sitting in the sticky front row of a movie theater watching mindless explosions anyday.
Tanner and I sat together with Stacy on his side and Jeff next to me. We did everything we could to make SURE that we weren't seated apart from one another, even though it seemed like his parents were trying to push me off to sit at the end. My 'date' practically had to hold my hand to keep me close, and they didn't struggle with it...not visibly anyway. Once the show started, everybody else quited down. Tanner and I, however, spent our time making whispered jokes and holding back little snickers during the entire first half. At one point, we even engaged in a little secret thumb wrestling match in our seat. His mother saw this and immediately reprimanded him with a harsh whisper, so we stopped, but he smiled at me anyway. It was FUN! Even though we weren't watching the show really, I was glad I came. Something about them seeing us smiling at each other over and over again throughout the evening seemed to make the rest of his family really uncomfortable. Especially his aunt, who scowled at me from the moment she saw me. Or maybe she was just too damn ugly to control it, whichever. It's not like we were being loud or obnoxious, but it bothered them anyway. I think they had plans to set Tanner up with 'Ms. Talks-A-Bunch' over there and they didn't quite count on me being here to capture his attention. Ah well, who cares? This is our night, and when it's over with, we'll still be in love.
Finally, after what seemed like twenty hours of singing and prancing, an intermission was called and we got a break in the monotony. Jeff stood up and said, "I'm going to get a snack or something. Does anybody want anything?" The rest of the bunch was still pretty stiff and annoyed, but asked for a few things anyway. I didn't mean to be THAT bad, geez! They're so uptight. Fine...I'll be good through the second half. But I'll be bored out of my mind. Then, Jeff asked, "Say, Derrick, why don't you join me? I might need a hand carrying some of this stuff back."
What was I gonna do? Say no? I hated to leave Tanner with the babble machine, but I figured he deserved it after his little prank at the house. "Sure. I'll be back." I said, and I followed Jeff out into the luxurious hallway. We started walking downstairs to the little concession stand, but he stopped me halfway down the steps and looked over his shoulder. He waited for some people to pass us to give us some privacy, and then he turned to me to say, "Alright...'Derrick' is your name, right? How much?"
"How much what?" I asked with a confused smile.
"Come on, don't play games with me, man. You know what I'm talking about."
Still a bit lost, I wondered if he was just playing a game with me or something. He didn't look too...'playful', though. "I...I don't know what you mean."
"Alright, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a hundred dollars to take a hike. Deal?"
"Excuse me?" I said. What the hell was he doing?
"You heard me. 100 bucks, right here, right now. You take off, and you don't come back. I'll even give you some extra for a cab." He said. He was serious. Actually serious.
"But...what...what did I do?"
"Look, you seem to be a pretty smart kid, Derrick, so I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I see what's going on up there, and I don't like it." Jeff looked around again to make sure this horror of a conversation was being kept between us. "I know that Tanner is a bit 'confused' at this age, a lot of kids are. The LAST thing he needs is for someone to come along and push that sickness any further."
"Jeff...." I started, but he stopped me.
"You KNOW what I'm talking about. I found a couple of little fag magazines under his bed once a year ago and we had a long talk about it. I agreed to keep it quiet, and he agreed not to indulge in this little phase of his. Now the two of you seem to be pretty close in there, and I've got a pretty good idea as to what's going on between you two. Well let me tell you something that will keep you from wasting your time...he's not like that. You got it?" What was happening here? What was Jeff DOING to me? "Look, if you want to suck dick, and take it up the ass, and screw up your own life that's fine. But leave Tanner out of it. He's a GOOD kid, he's got a good head on his shoulders, and he's a promising part of this family. We're trying to save him before it's too late, we don't need you fucking that up."
I don't think I had never been so hurt in my entire life. My lungs felt like they were going to collapse, and my breath was so heavy that it was hard to stand up straight. I leaned against the wall for support as a few more smiling faces passes us by on the steps. How could this complete stranger take such a beautiful experience, such a special night for me, and turn it into something so awful? I couldn't believe that he had actually stopped me on the steps of this grand theater and made me feel like the scum of the fucking Earth. King for a day my ass! I sobbed outloud with a gasp, and was looking around to see if anybody could see me as I began fighting back tears. My eyes watered even more despite my resistance and I had to put my hand to my face to catch a stray tear as it accidentally got away from me.
Jeff wrinkled up his face with a hint of disgust, "What, are you gonna cry now? Geez! You sissies are so sensitive! Here, here's a tissue. Clean yourself up. Now listen, I'm gonna give you this cab fare and the money I promised. Take it and go. We've got a girl that's really interested in Tanner, and if you stop leading him around by the front of his pants for a few minutes, he's got a shot at something special." I lowered my head, my emotions rushing to the surface faster than I could fight them off. Still, I sucked it up and tried to keep my composure. I'll be damned if I let this asshole make a 'sissy' out of me. And as badly as I wanted to ball up my fist and swing at him with everything that I had...I wasn't about to let him make a poor little neighborhood 'savage' out of me either. I walked into the place with class, I planned to leave it the same way. No matter how badly it hurt inside. Jeff reached in his pocket, "Go play your sick games with some other butt ranger. I'm sure you can find another '1 in 10' cocksucker in your neck of the woods." He said, handing me the cash. Then he looked in one of the mirrors next to us, and straightened his hair and his tie as though nothing had happened. He had no conscience at all about totally breaking me down to nothing in public.
With all the determination I could muster, I kept a stern face, and wiped the stray tears away with the tissue he gave me. Then I snatched the money from his hand. He didn't even look away from his own reflection long enough to see the pain in my eyes. The cab fare, I kept. I had to get home somehow, and I didn't want my mom to see me like this. The hundred dollar bill, however, I quickly ripped in half and threw down at his feet. I didn't need his fucking money. I didn't need ANYTHING from him! The sad thing is...he only laughed. Why should HE care, he had more where that came from. He was going to move on to have a good life, a rich life, be surrounded by tons of girls and get the nice house with the white pickett fence someday. What was my simple little act of defiance going to do? Nothing. He had access to all of the wonderful things that the American Dream makes possible...except for financially deficient 'fags'....like me.
I knew that he had me beat no matter what, and that hurt even more. Holding in as much as I could with a trembling voice, I looked up and said, "Can I at least say goodbye to him?"
"No need for that, 'Mary'. We don't want to spoil the rest of Tanner's evening, do we?" Jeff said with a smirk, and I couldn't even speak. I feared than any other words would make me burst into a fit of tears that I couldn't control. I had to hold my breath just to keep from groaning outloud. "We're done here. The exit is that way." What else could be done? I turned and left, a hastened pace leading me to the door before the waterworks started. I could hear a faint vibration behind me as the second act started, and I knew it was too late to go back. Too late to do much of anything. I got in the back of the first cab I saw, and took the longest ride home in history, numb from head to toe. My moment in the sun has just been rained out.
All that night I laid in my bed crying. Sobbing hard into my pillow so my mom wouldn't hear. I had never felt so low. I had never had this ACHING so deeply connected to my soul before, and I was so humiliated and alone that I could hardly breathe. I imagined how cute Tanner looked to me that night, our time together on the couch, the birthday party, and basically every minute we had ever spent together. How could I have ruined his life? He seemed so happy. I thought he was happy, at least. Maybe he was just being polite like the rest of his family. Maybe he was just more convincing than the rest. Maybe he was just getting his rocks off, practicing his technique for the day when he would leave me for some rich girl in a mini skirt. If this is a phase for him, then I would gladly have thrown every moment of this love affair away. I only wish I had never known that joyus sensation, or felt that sweet kiss against my lips. I hardly slept a wink, tossing and turn in emotional agony, spiced only with the rage I felt for what had happened with Jeff. And I spent the rest of that sleepless night feeling ugly, worthless, embarrassed, and alone. It was like I had never lived at all.
The doorbell surprised me when it woke me up at one o'clock, Sunday afternoon. By the time I had drifted off to sleep, the sun was coming up. I was still a bit groggy, and silently prayed that it wasn't another salesman. Probably just Mrs. Munch asking for her jacket and tie back...it's not like I was ever going to need them again. I walked to the door and rubbed my eyes when I saw Tanner standing on the front step. In huge contrast to how I usully feel whenever he was near me, it really hurt to see him after last night. "Hey.." I said softly.
"Hi..." He paused for a second, and I didn't know what to say. This was truly digging a hole right through the center of me. "Look, can I come in? Just for a minute?" He said.
Is this the part where I get back to screwing him up and making it impossible for him to ever have a normal life? I had my reservations about it, but I let him in anyway. "Yeah...I suppose." He stepped in and closed the door. I walked into the kitchen to grab something to drink, and fixed my hair as much as I could with my hand. My mom had left me a note on the fridge saying that she'd be gone until 8 PM and that there was some cold spaghetti on the counter if I wanted to heat it up on the stove. I walked back to the living room where Tanner was sitting in the middle of the couch. He was as beautiful as he always was...and I really hated to notice that. Especially in times like this.
He didn't say much at first, but finally he lifted his head and said, "Look, I'm sorry if I bored you yesterday, Derrick. I know you don't like that theater stuff, and you told me that but...I thought maybe we could have a good time if we were 'together', you know? I guess...I never should have forced you to go. I'm sorry."
"Forced me to go?"
"Yeah, Jeff told me what happened. He said that you got fed up with all that stuff and you told him you were taking off. I guess that it WAS kind of rude to bring you in front of everybody like that. I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Derrick..I just...I want them to know you. I want you to know them. I want things to work out so we can be together all the time with no hassle. Sometimes I feel like I want to tell the whole world about us, and it's great. But...maybe I pushed a little too hard this time. And I'm sorry."
I should have held it in. I should have come up with some story to let that be the end of the conversation and let us part ways for right now. My heart was breaking and it would never be fixed again without his love there to mend it. But more than that...I needed him to be happy. I needed him to move away from me if I was going to be the downfall in his life. The mistake he lived to regret much further down the road. I couldn't let that happen. He was my angel, my first love, and I'd rather let him go. Even if it meant losing the most important part of my soul.
That's when I blurted out, "I'm the one who should be sorry, Tanner."
The tears started almost instantly, there was no containing them this time. "For everything. Everything. I don't want...I would never..." I started crying uncontrollably and he seemed to be really lost.
"Derrick? What's the matter?" He said, taking my hand to sit me next to him on the couch.
"I never meant to ruin your life, Tanner. I never wanted to turn you into a stupid....fucking...sissy like me. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry! You were just so cute, and you talked to me and I thought you were so sweet..."
"Wait..slow down. What are you talking about?"
"You give me soooo much. You take me to movies and buy me gifts and let me play at your house. And last night was really special, you know? I mean it was REALLY special." I kept crying, the second one tear had fallen another was right there to take its place. "But, when everything is said and done, what do I have to offer you? Nothing....absolutely nothing!"
"You don't OWE me anything, Derrick. You never have. I LOVE you...that's why I'm here."
"Don't say you love me, Tanner. Please? Don't say that anymore." He looked hurt when I said it, but I used my hand to gently caress the side of his face. "Oh babe...it's not because I don't want you. I just...I can't do this anymore."
If my first comment had hurt him, this one was a harsh stab wound in the side. "Derrick...what are you saying to me?" I choked up a little, not wanting to utter the words goodbye, not wanting to keep him from being happy. "Derrick....you look at me, and say what you need to say." Tanner's eyes began to sparkle with a watery look of their own. And he needed an answer.
"I don't want to ruin your life, Tanner. I don't want to screw things up for you by making you....like me."
Tanner calmed me down by reaching out to hug me, and I cried on his shoulder while he rubbed my back lovingly. "Is that what you think? You think you ruined my life? Derrick...dude...if anything you gave me life. You made me complete and whole in a way I didn't even know existed. I've never been so happy before in my life."
"You're just saying that. You were so much better before I came along and wrecked everything for you."
"Better? Derrick, do you know what I used to do almost every morning before school? I'd cry. I would cry all the time. I would get on the bus and I'd stare out of the window for the whole ride. I'd never speak a single word to anybody. I would just hurt and ache and wonder why I had to be this way. Why I was so different and why it was keeping me so alone. Then you came along and showed me that I have just as much right to love and be loved as anybody else. You made me see that true love is for everybody, not just the 'socially acceptable' options that some faceless moron hands down to the rest of us. When I was really lost and cofused, you were there to give me your love and your compassion and your body, and that's all you ever need to offer me. As long as you love me, I'll be ok. And I'll do anything to keep you happy, Derrick...anything."
I looked up into his eyes and said, "But...but he said...that you weren't like that..."
"Who said that?"
"Jeff? My cousin Jeff? What's HE got to do with all of this?
"He said that you were just...going through a phase. That I was going to screw you up if I didn't leave. He offered me money to get lost, but I didn't take it, and..."
Tanner was furious! "THAT ASSHOLE!!! THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! I'm gonna kick his ass!" He fumed, but he let it go long enough to tighten the grip on my hand and stare directly into my eyes. "Look...I love you! Ok? Don't ever believe anybody who tells you different! I can't believe he did that! It's my life, and if I didn't want to be with you than I wouldn't be. But I do, and that's that!"
"What about...he said you two had a talk...?"
"I was 13 years old and I was scared to death because I didn't know what was happening to me. All I knew was that I liked boys and I wasn't supposed to. Even when I met YOU I didn't know what to do with myself. Everything inside of me was screaming yes, and I didn't understand why I couldn't just 'turn it off'. When Jeff found those magazines uner my bed, I was terrified! I didn't know what to do. So...he told me...it was something I'd grow out of."
My face drooped a little bit. "Oh...I see..."
"No...you don't." He told me. "Back then I was so scared that I'd be some reject or something, that Jeff's answer seemed like a comforting way to...I dunno...'escape' it. But I'm NOT growing out of it, Derrick. It's NOT a phase. This is who I am, it's what I want. And when I fell in love with you and you told me you felt the same way...all of my doubts and fears went away. The only thing I had to be scared of was losing your love for me." Tanner kissed me delicately on the lips. "I want to be with you. And damn the world if they don't understand why. The important thing is that you and I understand why."
Tanner's combination of loving concern for me and fiery temper towards his family brought back some of my faith in what we had, and some of my pain was washed away. I looked in his eyes, and while he was in mid-sentence, I reached over and kissed him passionately on the lips. He stopped talking right away and kissed me back, placing his hand on my chin and then moving it to gently caress my cheek. "I love you." I whispered. "I'll always love you."
"I love you too." He answered as he leaned in for another kiss. This time, his tongue gently slid into my mouth and he slowly leaned me back on the couch. For that golden moment, I felt beautiful again. Everything felt beautiful again.
Tanner pressed his weight down on top of me, and I had both hands free to roam over his back as our lips grinded against each another. We were rolling around as best as we could without falling off of the couch, changing positions as to who would be on top. The only time we were able to breathe was when our kiss went to each other's necks. A momentary intermission before moving back to his red lips once again. We pushed and humped into each other until our whole bodies were alive with the sensation. His gentle hands glided sensually all over my body, bringing slight chills to every spot he touched. His silky hair brushed across my forehead, sending me soaring over the clouds and filling me with the love and confidence that I had possessed just before that dreadful night at the theater. Tanner breathed new life into me, and I knew that we were meant for each other. Our hearts beat wildly in unison as our chests rubbed against each other. We were feeling restricted by the limitations of the couch and stopped long enough to slide down to the floor. Tanner and I removed our shirts and resumed our make out session with his smooth hairless chest underneath me. I moaned as I felt his hands knead the soft cheeks of my ass, and I licked at the warm flesh of his neck. He pulled me into him hard and as I pushed and gyrated my hips into his, that high pitched nasal whimper of his escaped him. It is so erotic to hear him do that. The two of us rolled around for a while longer, our smooth young chests touching bare skin to tender bare skin, our arms intertined almost as tightly to one another as our legs were. He rolled us over again and began guiding his kisses softly down to my belly button, letting his tongue dig deeply into it. The sensation forced me to draw my legs up and I almost cried out in ecstasy. I was pushing my stiff member into Tanner's chest as he continued to work his tongue in and around my belly button, tasting the bittersweet cavity. He loved my belly button, he always told me how cute it was. It drove me crazy to feel his lips and tongue linger there. He continued to tease and tickle me while his hands worked to get my pants off. I helped him as much as I could, and kicked them off of my feet as Tanner licked just a few inches further down. Then he moved down to release my hardness from the confinement of my boxers. He looked up at me with sex in his eyes briefly before taking me into his hot mouth and sucking tenderly at my shaft. I think my heart stopped beating for a full minute when he did that. I was so overcome with passion and sex that it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the love in my heart. Tanner massaged my thighs as he bobbed slowly up and down, my tip sliding against the wet inner walls of his cheeks, and I was in heaven. I wanted it to last forever, but unfortunately it turned out to be quicker than usual this time. But it wasn't the sex that got me off. It was the high level of raw emotions I was feeling. The unbelievable infatuation, the memory of Tanner's comforting words, the fact that someone so perfect would want anything to DO with me...it was too much for my heart to handle. It was that loving awareness that brought me to a crashing climax that refused to stop pumping. My hips pushed up off of the floor, but Tanner kept it in his mouth the whle time, his tongue wrapping around it, his fingers gently rubbing me where my legs connect. He leaves me so satisfied, every time.
Tanner nursed sweetly at me for a while longer before moving back up to kiss me once again. I rolled him over and straddled his chest facing the other way, taking his rock hard member into my mouth in one slow gulp, running circles around his tip with my textured tongue. He moaned loudly, obviously pretty close himself already, and he was pushing his hips up into my face, slowly fucking my soft red lips as my suction increased. He tasted so good, every lovely inch of him. I never get tired of that flavor. His hands reached out to grab my ass cheeks and he fondled them while purring erotically beneath me. I sped up, grabbing a hod of both his thighs and squeezing them tight, hoping to give Tanner the orgasm of a lifetime. He was wild, and losing control of his body as the inevitable explosion built up inside of him. He was moving so much that I almost couldn't keep my balance and his legs began to squirm under me. Then he went stiff, and with a boyish cry, I felt him expand in my mouth. He came harder than he ever had before, screaming out and bucking his hips uncontrollably. His legs twitched and his body spasmed even after the last of his fluids had been splash across my taste buds, and his little gasps and whimpers let me know just how good it felt to him. By the time I had taken him out of my mouth, he was covered with a thin sheen of sweat and breathing like he had just run a marathon.
"No, no, no...Wait...don't touch me! Don't touch me!" He screamed out breathlessly. This was too good to pass up, so I reached down and gave his softening meat a gentle squeeze. He almost jumped a foot off of the floor! He was sensitive beyond belief and his whole body shook with my touch. I squeezed it again and he pushed my hand away, "No, Derrick! C'mon...I think..I think my whle lower half went to sleep all at once. Hehehe..." But, instead of behaving myself like I should, I caught him off guard by using my leg to brush accross his lap, gliding over the spasming tip. Tanner actually screamed and, to my disbelief, had a second smaller orgasm! He sprayed the inside of my thigh with another healthy dose of semen and it just felt so warm aganst my young skin. "Bastard!" He giggled after catching his second breath. Then we laid in each other's arms for another hour, lightly running our fingers over one another's body until the floor became too uncomfortable to lay on anymore. We had a long discussion after that, and vowed to stay in love through thick and thin, no matter what, for the rest of our lives. That day, we made it official. Not just the word 'boyfriend', whispered to one another when no one was looking. Not just someone to relieve sexual tension whenever we got together...not that it wasn't fun! But an actual committment to stay together, and never let anyone or anything come between us. It was one of those times when you knew life was good.
I saw Tanner getting on the bus that coming Monday morning before school, and he had the biggest dopey looking grin on his face. "You're awfully happy." I said.
"Yes, I am, actually." He giggled a bit, and I had to ask.
"What's the deal?"
"Oh nothing, it's just that my family finally left town this morning and I got to help my cousin, 'Jeff', pack his fucking bags and get out of my house." He smiled.
"Did you tell your aunt and uncle what happened?"
"You put rat poison in Jeff's breakfast?"
"Wish I had, but nope...better!"
I looked at him confused and asked, "Well, tell me already. What did you do?"
"Well, you know those old gay magazines he found under my bed a long time ago? The ones he was so worried about and wanted me to keep quiet?"
"Well, I still have them, just hidden in a much better place. So this morning, while Jeff wasn't looking, I put the whole stash of 'em in his suitcase next to a rather 'thick' candle and jar of Vaseline!" I covered my mouth in shock as we both snickered madly at the dirty deed. "Dude...his maid is, like, the biggest gossip ever back home! When she goes to unpack his things and finds that stuff in his suitcase, the whole TOWN will be whispering about it for MONTHS!"
The two of us laughed hysterically for at least fifteen minutes, thinking of good old Jeff getting a taste of what it's like from the other side of society's favor. NOW we'll see who's the 'sissy' in all this. We laughed and laughed, then laughed some more. And continued to snicker for an entire day after that. In every single class. It was a wicked thing to do, but if THAT doesn't prove that karma exists, I don't know what would! God, how I adored him. Tanner...my one true love...he was the best. And better yet...he was mine...