"A Class By Himself 5:"
As I look over at Tanner sitting next to me on the bus every morning, the urge to kiss him passionately on the lips never leaves me. In fact, it grows stronger. How a love like this can only continue to increase in its intensity without any end in sight is a complete mystery to me. There's an addictive sparkle in his eye that seductively pulls me in so close that I'm almost kissing him on the lips before I even realize that I'm leaning forward. I'm enchanted by his every heart lifting word. He talks to me the entire way there, and the entire way back, his voice that wonderful pitch of early teen excitement. About this and that and every topic under the sun in between, and I know I'm talking back to him the whole time, but it doesn't even seem like me. I feel as though I'm watching myself have this foreign conversation with the most beautiful boy on Earth from the outside. Because all I can see when I look at him is never ending love. It takes over all of my senses and lulls me into a deep dreamy trance that I can't break out of, nor do I want to. I'm never really paying attention to what he's talking about, and yet, for some reason, I absorb every word. I'm almost self conscious about it, wondering if I could possibly make him feel the same way about me too. Or even close. It seems like there's no way for me to EVER evoke this kind of emotion from another person with the little gifts that I have to offer him. But it's those times, those precious little moments, when Tanner realizes that I'm staring, when he's silent, and returns my passionate gaze with a heart melting stare of his own...that makes me feel like I'm worth it. Worth his time, worth his love, worth his attention. It's then that I know the answer, and blush furiously in response. How can a love so perfect, be so effortless?
I always hated seeing him get off the bus in the afternoons, because I'd be alone the rest of the way home. Every tick of the clock without him next to me was just meaningless sometimes. I wouldn't call it depression so much, just an eternal longing to be near him again. I'd almost be willing to drop out of school just for the chance to spend every day by his side. Sorry, but I guess even in my head I tend to gush over him quite a bit. It's hard to imagine what my mind would do with itself if it wasn't filled with thoughts of the light brown waves of his soft flowing hair. Or the beauty of his big brown eyes. Or the sleek curves of his hips, the texture of his tender lips, the smooth silky feel of his skin as it brushed up against mine. Even a handshake was enough to get me erect. There I go again...it's a good thing I don't say these things out loud. The men in white would have surely locked me up and thrown away the key by now.
I got home to see a note from my mom saying she would be working for somebody tonight at the diner, and it was just as well. I was being all high and dreamy anyway, and I really ddn't want her to start asking why. Geez, I had gotten exceptionally bad since our Valentine's day date. But that was so memorable, so awesomely incredible, so meaningful to me in every way, that my infatuated haze was more than justified. I grabbed some of the 'diner food' my mom brought home the night before and warmed it up in the oven. I sat in front of the TV, and tried to focus on whatever brain dead sitcom happened to be on at the time. But it didn't work. My heart was bursting...overflowing with a joy that I just couldn't explain. I kept looking over at the phone, wondering what Tanner was doing at that exact moment. Was he thinking about me? I wonder if I should call. Nah, he just saw me not more than a half hour ago, don't want him to think I'm getting weird or 'clingy' or anything. So I tried once again to watch TV, flipping from channel to channel, hoping to find some wacky movie that would keep me occupied until it was time for me to go to sleep. Then sleep would keep my mind clear until morning, and by that time I wouldn't have long until I got the chance to see Tanner again. But again, nothing helped. I looked over at the phone again and again, the anticipation making my fingers twitch and my heart beat abnormally fast. What the heck was the matter with me? I mean no two people could be together ALL the time, right? It was impossible. I imagine we'd get sick of each other eventually. But something deep down inside made me want to die trying to do just that, be near him at all times, begging for more and more of his affection until I was saturated with it. Finally, without an ounce more of will power left in my body, I gave in to temptation and grabbed the phone. But before I could pick up the receiver, it rang.
"Hello?" I said.
"Um...hey...hehehe." It was Tanner! I think he was a bit surprised that I picked it up so fast, and he sounded kind of bashful at first.
"I know I just talked to you and all...and I don't wanna seem weird or anything...but...sighhh, I was thinking about you and...well I just figured..." As those words left his mouth, I got weak in the knees and slid off of the couch onto the carpet. I was breathless, my heart beating so hard that it literally tickled me into a fit of silent giggles. He was thinking about me...ME! Oh God this was sooo strange. This feeling of...of...uncontrollable...'something' that just made me want to tear up and just explode from the sheer love building up inside. The heavy feeling in my chest was almost painful as he continued to talk to me, and whenever I spoke to him, I had to try hard to control the trembling in my stomach so it wouldn't come out in my voice. He was actually a bit shaky himself on the phone, like maybe he felt the same way, and that only made it worse. My insides had litterally turned to jello, and I couldn't stop wiggling on the floor. His voice was just so heavenly, a lustful haze that was always present, but unintended. He was so amazing and sexually gifted that he simply couldn't contain it, not even in the most mundane of conversations. He kept me up half the night talking, and when it was time to go, we talked for a half hour more. An entire half hour of goodbyes. It doesn't get any better than this.
The next day I woke up anxious for another taste of my sweet Tanner. Funny how all I have to do is open my eyes, and he's the first thing that hits me in the morning, and the last thing to hit me at night. Count the dreams I have about him in between, and you've got all day Tanner. God, I'm so cheesy sometimes! I prepared myself for school and went down for breakfast. My mom was making me some eggs and toast, and smiled at me as soon as I walked into the kitchen. I was surprised to see her up so early, she usually sleeps all day from working so late. I looked into her eyes and saw the red bloodshot specs look back at me. If she was pretending not to be comatose from lack of sleep...she wasn't very good at it.
"Hey babe. Sleep well?" She said, scooping the eggs out of the pan onto a plate for me to eat. I sat down and she sat across from me, eating some weird snack size granola bar thing, and no matter how glad I was to have a hot breakfast instead of cereal, I couldn't help but get over how strange it was for her to be up at this time of morning.
"Thanks mom. Yeah, I slept fine. I guess what I'm really wondering is what are you doing up this early? Afraid you'll miss your soaps?" I smiled.
"Har dee har, smart guy. Actually your school called and the bus isn't coming today because of some kind of difficulties. So that means I'm driving you to school today."
I know it was a great gesture and all, her taking me to school, but...not in OUR car! Oh man...the crap mobile? An old rusty piece of shit that should have been shot and put out of it's misery back in 1987...she was going to take me to school in THAT? Maybe some of the snobbish attitudes of the other school kids was rubbing off on me or something, but they already made fun of me as it was. The last thing I needed to do was give them a reason to get worse. I tried not to show my disappointment, let me rephrase that...FEAR...of going to school with her in the putt-putt machine, but I think she saw it in my eyes anyway.
"Listen Derrick, you can't just stay home from school..."
"I know mom, I know. It's no problem. Really. I just...." I started to say it, but she was doing the best she could with what she had, and I shouldn't complain. Some moms wouldn't. "It's ok. Thanks." I said, and went back to eating my breakfast. I could only hope that I could somehow convince her to drop me off a few blocks away and let me walk to school from there. Without hurting her feelings, that is.
She was kind of quiet after that, and I was sure that she knew exactly what was on my mind. "Okay...well...just let me know when you're ready. Okay?" She said. And I saw her nibbling away on her granola bar, the bags under her eyes getting heavier by the second, and I felt bad for eating a hot meal in front of her. So I ate one piece of toast and half of my eggs and then wiped my mouth clean.
"Thanks mom, that was good. I'm really not hungry though if you want the rest." And I got up from the table before she said anything. Good old mom, always doing for me before she could do for herself. It was about time I returned the favor, I try to every once in a while. I pushed the plate forward a bit and gave her a hug as I went to go get my book bag. "I don't mind the ride, but one of these days, I'll be rich, and I'll buy you a car for every day of the week. Brand new, all you have to do is pick out the color." I grinned.
"You do that, baby." She smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in her voice. I didn't get it. Didn't she understand that I was happy with everything that we had? It wasn't much, sure. But I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, a loving mother, and a wonderful boyfriend. Even had a way above average sex life for a kid my age, if I do say so myself. Hehehe! So I always had something to be thankful for. She just pushed too hard to give me so much, when all I needed was her. Parents...I doubt I'll ever understand. We got our stuff together and started up our rusted car for the long drive. Was it me, or did the muffler sound even louder than usual? The back window had been broken into a while back, and we had a giant plastic flap that made the loudest 'frap frap frap' sound while we were driving. And on top of everything else, the brakes squealed whenever we came to a stop. All the springs in the seat had been crushed and I might as well have been sitting on the floor. In our neighborhood it was a little embarrassing, but the further out into the suburbs we got, the worse off our car seemed to look. I was getting closer to school, and becoming more horrified by the second. I kept trying to convince myself that it didn't matter, that it shouldn't matter. After all, it was just a material thing, not much importance to it at all. Who 'cared' what the other kids thought? They didn't really like me anyway. But my mind betrayed me at every turn. By the time we had gotten within five minutes of school, I had begun to wonder what every one was saying about us. If the kids on the street were giggling behind my back. If they shook their heads or wondered how our car made it all the way out to their happy little town in the first place. And I turned to look out of the window so my mother couldn't see me blushing. God, I hate to say it...but it was awful.
We actually got to the school grounds, and I couldn't help but notice some smiles and giggles as we drove up. I wished no one would know that it was me, but I'd have to get out of the car sooner or later. And they'd be sure to wait for me too. Like waiting to see 100 clowns get out of their tiny buggy in the circus. My heart dropped as the screech of the breaks stopped us in front of the door and the frantic flapping of the plastic came to a temporary halt. I hesitated for a moment. I did NOT want to get out of the car. They were waiting, watching, almost ANXIOUS to see who they cold point their fingers at and tease for being so lame. But who was I kidding? They knew who the 'poor boy' was. It's not like they didn't already guess it was me. "There's good old Derrick the Destitute, polluting the air with his shit wagon." they'd say. The difference between rich and poor around here isn't really money...it's the fact that poor people actually 'care' whether or not they hurt your feelings. I was sure they would have no trouble shouting it out in the middle of the library or something. Sighhhh....so why delay the inevitable? I might as well just get out and take whatever punishment they can give me.
My mom must have seen my hesitation, but she pretended not to. "Have a good day, Derrick." I took a deep breath before opening the door, and that's when she said, "It's not so bad, hon. Just remember...for the reunion...you might be driving up in a limo." I could only wish that could be true. I leaned over to kiss her goodbye. Why not? Kissing my mom couldn't be half as humiliating as arriving in this thing. And that's when I took a deep breath and I opened the car door. Naturally, the teasing started the second my mom pulled away, and I was forced to bow my head and ignore it as always. Fuck 'em all! Who cares about them anyway? Not me. To hell with them....assholes!
Word sure must have travelled fast, because by the time I got to my second period class, literally everybody knew about it. It was just a car for crying out loud! You'd think they could let it go and talk about something of importance. But nooooo...they just HAD to keep bugging me about it. I was the kid who was smart enough to be there, but too 'poor' for it to matter to them. Not to mention the fact that I got to hang around Tanner at all times. That REALLY bugged them! And I'll admit, sometimes I would throw an arm over his shoulder and smile just so I could throw that in their face. It felt so good. Even better when he did it to me. You see, Tanner was one of those cute, funny, charismatic kids that everybody wanted to meet and be friends with. A boy that everybody was constantly trying to make into Mr. Popular. But the fact is he was just too modest to let it happen. They'd invite him to every party, talk to him in the halls, nominate him for every club and committee available, try to get him to play sports...but he never did. And that's one of the things I loved about him sooo much. He never needed any of that artificial glory. He was just happy being alive, being real, and being with me. That was just so special. So rare, especially in high school.
"What's up? You look down." Tanner asked in the halls after the next class.
"It's nothing. Forget about it." I pouted. I could never understand why this was still bothering me. Maybe it's because...despite the pointlessness of their whole existence, I was letting the rich kids win. Whatever happened to the brave and heartfelt underdog who always comes out on top in the end?
Just then, two boys walked passed us and went, "Honk honk! Putt putt putt..." and laughed.
"This place is so stupid..." I mumbled, ashamed of my own feelings.
"Derrick...c'mon, tell me." Tanner pleaded. There was just a hint of that sexy little whine in his voice. The same whine he usually gives me right before he's ready to explode during sex. It's unbelievably cute.
"The bus didn't come by the house today. So my mom had to get up and take me to school this morning in that fucked up garbage dumpster we call a car. So they're making fun of me again." I answered. "They're always making fun of me."
"That's it? Aww Derrick, don't pay any attention to those idiots. They don't know what they're talking about."
"Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically. "They don't make it easy to ignore them, you know? I just don't understand why they get such a kick out of making me feel like shit."
"Because they have nothing of substance in their OWN lives to make them feel good other than being better than someone else. That's why."
"Yeah, well...I'm glad that I get to be their 'scapegoat'. It's a lot of fun...really." I answered.
"Just you remember that you've got something that none of them will ever have."
"A miserable existence?"
"Nooo, Mr. Pout Mouth! ME, you dork." Tanner smiled, and then whispered, "And I've seen you naked. You SO have nothing to be ashamed of!" A little giggle escaped his lips while I tried to hold mine in.
"Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be upset here."
"Yes, yes, and it's very cute too." I could have kissed him right then and there if there weren't other people in the hallway. "Listen, next time just call me. If the bus isn't running, I can wrangle a ride from one of my dad's people and they'll send someone for you."
"You don't have to go through all of that..."
"Shut up, it's not like it's a big deal. Besides, I feel like a part of my day is missing when I don't get to see you in the morning."
I doubt he would have let me say anything else except for yes. So I nodded, smiled, and watched the faces of the other people in the hallway sink as I walked next to Tanner, shoulder to shoulder, grinning. Me...Derrick The Destitute. The one boy who could be in his life without having to turn cartwheels to impress him. Let's see them top THAT one!
Tanner had actually grown accustomed to coming over to my house after school a few times during the week. After all, a ride for him was only a phone call away. I was proud to have him over to my place. It was hardly the 'palace' that he lived in, but he never complained, not once. And we had the best time just talking while my mom slept on the couch on and off for the rest of the day until time to go to work. That meant that I could close the door and sneak a few minutes of 'make-out' time with my angel. We always turned music on, but not too loud. I wantd to be able to hear her coming if she woke up. I don't know...something about kissing my boyfriend on the bed with her in the other room, our ears perked up to keep from being caught in the act..it added this 'danger' to the whole thing. And that was doubly as arousing! Occasionally though, she would leave early, and Tanner and I could have a lot MORE fun than usual. This was one of those afternoons.
It was a blur how we even got started, but then again, most of our encounters were. A quiet moment between us would prompt heavy kissing and petting if nothing else, and every moment was heaven. That particular day I found myself on top in a 69 position with him on the bed. We were completely naked except for our socks, and for some reason the sock thing kind of turned me on. Weird. Wow, the sweet scent of Tanner's baby soft skin and heated wrinkled sack was soooo delicious. I looked down at the insides of his thighs as I swallowed his long hardness and pleasured him with as much heart as I could. His thighs were so smooth, and he would shift every now and then, making one of those soft thighs brush against my cheek and driving me wild. I looked down at his balls, full and sweet, and then down into the small beginnings of his cleft, showing me a hint of a tight pucker that was screaming to be touched and teased. My hands would often knead his cheeks softly as my tongue danced around his shaft, and the more I tantalized his body, the more he did the same to mine. His expert mouth bathed my six inches in a slippery wet heat that kept swirling and sucking at me constantly, trying desperately to steal my focus away from pleasuring him on the other end. It was a sexual battle that we were both destined to win. As I clutched his ass cheeks harder, pulling them apart and rolling them closed again, my nostrils were filled with this fragrance of young teen lust, as though he were coated with a thin layer of sugar sweet nectar, and it almost pushed me over the edge. I sucked harder and harder, speeding up as my climax approached. Tanner began to whimper in short little gasps, and he was close, forcing him to speed the swirling motion of his hot mouth on me and push his hips up to meet my downstrokes. Lifting his hips gave me greater access to his luscious globes, and I grabbed more of the small meaty cheeks in my hands. I cried out as the orgasm took a hold of my body and exploded out of me into Tanner's hungry mouth. He sucked hard, greedily drawing the semen out of me before it could ejaculate on its own, and my legs went numb on either side of his head as a feeling of weightlessness enveloped me. I felt his slick mushroomed head expand in my mouth and I prepared to take his offering with pleasure. I gripped his cheeks like a vice, crushing his soft spasming body against my face. I could feel my hardness slip out of his mouth as he began to moan and squirm beneath me, his hot liquids splashing the insides of my mouth. He rolled over onto his side while lost in the oblivion of orgasm, and I held on tightly to keep him between my sucking lips. I felt him wrap both of his arms around one of my legs and hold on for dear life as his body twitched even more, grinding deeper into my face, filling me with every juicy drop of him. It was almost like he was trying to pull out of my mouth, like the sensations were just too much for him, but his struggling only made me hotter, and I pulled him as close to me as my arms would allow. Tanner's legs were stiffened out, the muscles tight, his toes cracking. His soft balls were touching my nose, scented with that boyish aroma, and I inhaled deeply. I didn't stop until his body relaxed again, the pulses had died down, and his writhing body began to once again melt into the matress beneath him. I turned to face him and breathlessly kissed until our heartbeats went back to normal. Followed by a long period of me just hugging him close to me, nuzzling his neck with my nose and lips, our legs twisted around each other to ensure that as much of our naked skin was touching as humanly possible at all times. Sighhhhh...it was afternoons like this that made me thank God I loved boys.
We played around for a bit more when we got hungry and went into the kitchen for some grub. Tanner and I were just walking around in our boxer shorts, and it just gave me more chances to stare at him. The smoothness of his back, the angle of his shoulderblades, the slim waist of his, narrowing slightly downward until it touched on the squeezable top of his ripe ass. I started to get hard again almost instantly. "I don't know what we've got to eat, really." I said.
"It's no biggie. We can just..." He looked down and saw my 'excitement', a smile spreading out on his face. "You want more?" He grinned, and he put his hands on my waist, gently bringing me closer until the tip of my hardness was touching the semi hard, and growing, bulge in his boxers. "Hmmmm?" He growled deeply, and closed his eyes as he rubbed noses with me.
"Mmmmm...yeah. I do." I snaked my arms around him, my heart throbbing at the very idea that I got to be so in love, so unapologetically lost in his sex. And we kissed tenderly, our bodies pushing into one another. I nearly fainted.
He broke the kiss and looked at me, "Can we eat first?"
"I've got something for you to eat..." I said, but he just spanked me on the bottom and grinned.
"Quiet. I'm serious." He said, and let me go, even though he was back at full hardness. I was beginning to wonder if he'd let me drop to my knees right there in the kitchen and just get a few long sucks. Just enough to fill my mouth with his flavor. But showed enough restraint to be somewhat 'normal' for the time being.
I went into the other room to throw some pants on and t shirt. Just in case we got surprised by a neighbor or something. Us walking around half naked in a house by ourselves might be kinda hard to explain. I came back in the kitchen, and grabbed a nice handfull of Tanner's ass before slipping around him to hug him from behind. Tanner opened the refridgerator and bent over to look inside while I was still holding him in my affectionate embrace. We both took a peek to see what was inside. Let me tell you, it wasn't much. "Well, I guess you know the only options dude. Cold cereal, one of my mom's granola bars, or...yuck...fruit." I said, looking into a perpetually empty fridge.
Tanner leaned down a bit further, and his cheeks pressed tight against me. "Mmmm, God you feel good." I moaned, kissing the back of his neck.
"Hey now, food first, remember? Don't you go getting frisky on me." He giggled. The smell of his hair, the feel of his sponge like ass against my hardness, the warmth of his skin...it was all so intoxicating. I couldn't stop myself. Tanner stood up and closed the door, giving me a sweet boyish kiss on the lips before walking to put his clothes back on. I had to stand in the door to watch him get dressed. My eyes drank in every detail, obsessed with the pure beauty of him. "How's about we just order a pizza? Nothing wrong with a little junk food." He said, putting his shirt on.
"Pizza is not junk food, pizza is a blessing. It's practically the fifth food group in Chicago. Now Slim Jim's...THAT'S junk food." I said. Tanner gave me a strange smile, like he didn't quite understand what I was talking about. "What?"
"What's a Slim Jim?"
"Oh man, you've gotta be kidding me? You don't know what a Slim Jim is???" Tanner bashfully shook his head and giggled a bit out of embarrassment.
"I guess if the housekeeper can't cook it and it doesn't come in take-out form, I don't eat it."
"Well...it's like this...long hard beef thing that you put in your mouth..." I started, not even knowing what that sounded like until Tanner blushed and laughed at me. "Hehehehe....pervert! Total pervert! Dude, you know what...we're going to run down to the corner store, right now, and I'm going to give you a tour of the wonderful world of junk food."
"Um...ok. I'll tell you what, you school me on something new and good, and it'll be my treat."
"Yeah, well...I'm broke, so I was gonna suggest that anyway." I giggled, and he kissed me on the cheek before getting his shoes from the corner.
We put our shoes on and went down the block to check it out. I had only planned to get a few Slim Jims and a soda or two, but Tanner took out a small wad of cash and said he wanted to know it ALL. So we went shopping! We got Slim Jims, beef jerky, slurpees, pretzels, pork rinds, Fritos, Cheetos, Doritos, cheez puffs, root beer, Nutty Buddy's, Now and Laters, potato chips in four different flavors, Blow Pops, Jolly Ranchers, Ho Ho's, Twinkies, peanuts, Crunch N' Munch, nachos and salsa, Twizzlers, and a whole bag of Tootsie Rolls! We stocked up and walked home with two giant grocery sized bags full of every snack treat and cavity causing, dinner ruining, zit breeding, munchable piece of garbage to ever pollute the teenage body. Then we went home and practically ate ourselves silly...it was great!
We sat down, flicked on the TV and just started off with some beef jerky. I was already into my third bite when I noticed Tanner still fiddling with the plastic. I watched him for a second, trying not to laugh, and saw him attempt to quietly fidget and pull at it like a four year old trying to get into a bottle of aspirin. He was being so...'proper' about it. I almost expected him to take out a salad fork and a napkin. "Hehehe...what are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm trying to get this damn thing open." He said, concentrating hard on finding a way inside the shrink wrapped package.
"Why the hell are you being so damn 'dainty' about it? God, sometimes you're so GAY!" I laughed. Tanner started to giggle himself and then he playfully banged it against the table. Like THAT'LL do any good.
"Leave me alone!" He smiled, and after a few seconds more of fumbling with it with his fingernails, he gave up. "Hehehe...okay, smart ass. How do YOU get it open?" He grinned.
I leaned closer to him, and whispered in his ear, "This is the first and the last time I'm EVER gonna tell you this....but use your teeth!" Then I took a harsh bite of my beef jerky and my dirty little message got through. We laughed a bit, and he bit into the package, ripping it open. I think he got a mouthfull of plastic, but once he spit it out and finished trying to get it off of his tongue with his fingers, he was happy to have it open. He smiled at finally getting to taste the legendary junk food king, and we spent the rest of the afternoon just making our way through both bags of stuff. Experimenting with this and that, Tanner really being excited to be exposed to so many new things. And he kept trying to remember the names of everything, like he was gong to be tested on it later. He was so cute about it. And it was one of the few times that I actually got to teach him something that he had never experienced before.
When Tanner's ride got there, we started to kiss goodbye, but by then our breaths were a mixture of a hundred different snacks and the tastes didn't exactly 'match up.' So we giggled a bit and settled for a hug until we could reach a toothbrush. It was so cool being able to see a smile on Tanner's face, to see that look of wonder. I honestly felt like I had something to offer him when I got to open his eyes to something new. It somehow seemed to make up for all the beauty he had brought into my life. I went to sleep with quite the stomach ache that night, but every time the pain would pinch me or jab at my ribs, I'd think of me and Tanner gulping down two bags worth of junk food together while watching MTV on the living room couch, and I felt even better. I slept good that night.
The next morning I didn't see Tanner on the bus and wondered what was up. I was gonna be late for my first period class, but I decided to call his house from a pay phone in the hallway. Unfortunately, he had taken a pretty bad reaction to our 'junk-o-rama' the previous day, and had called in sick. Hehehehe, I guess the initiation into the world of junk food should be taken in moderation. But he wasn't really all that miserable, just out of whack for a while, and I had fun talking to him for about 10 minutes before I remembered that I should actually TRY going to class...since I was in school and all. "I've gotta go. But I'll call you back during lunch hour to see how you're doing, K? Promise."
"Ugh...I feel like I ate a live raccoon, dude. And he's trying to get back out by clawing at me from the inside." He mumbled.
"Awww, my poor baby. I'm so sorry, we should have taken it easy."
"Don't sweat it. Yesterday was awesome. Today....well, that's another story." I could hear his smile, and it inspired one of my own. "Now go get to class or something before security puts you away for not having a hall pass."
"Ok. I'll call you later, I mean it."
"I'll be here. Trust me." He replied. "I love you, Derrick."
I looked around and whispered, "Love you too..." Then I blew him a little kiss and hung up the phone. My perfect little angel.
I went through the first part of the day without too much trouble, but it was the period right before lunch that I always hated the most. A science class that seemed to be filled with some of the snobbiest kids in the whole place it seemed. Especially this kid, Chris. Oh MAN, how I loathed that boy. He just thought he was the hottest thing to ever grace the face of the Earth, and what made it worse was the fact that he actually had most of the school believing the same thing. He was the end product that the school's 'social order' wanted Tanner to be...popular, rich, sexy, new car, perfect hair, Lacrosse team, ladies man...and all the superficial bullshit that came with it. Chris was a real pretty boy, one of those kids you stare at twice because he looked too good to be true. Slim, athletic, short light brown hair, big green eyes, and a real heartthrob...until he opened his big mouth, that is. I'm sure that the other rich kids saw it as being 'sassy' or having 'attitude', and they all thought it was cute. Me? I just thought he was a creep. I've never really heard Tanner talk about him one way or the other. In fact, I don't even think he cared enough to hate him. But Chris was bothered by anyone who didn't fall into his little world of fame, so I doubted he deemed either one of us as being worthy of much. At least that's what I thought until that day when I saw him talking to some of his 'groupies' and heard Tanner's name come up.
Naturally, I eavesdropped to see what was going on, and Chris was actually saying that it was weird not having him in school that day. When I heard that, I got up a little courage and walked over. I don't know why I did it or what I expected, but for some reason it seemed like he was being friendlier than usual, and if there's was a possibility to make a new friend, I was always happy to take a chance. Stupid mistake.
"Actually...um...Tanner called in sick today. I just talked to him this morning, and he said he'd be back tomorrow." I said. Chris, however, only turned to look me up and down like I was begging for change or something. And I saw the small crowd around him mirror that attitude in an attempt to be just like him. Their stupid little hero.
"Was I even talking to you scrub?" He said with a look of disgust. It was dumb of me. I should have known better. And even though I hated him, I hated myself more for actually being hurt by the way he had just humiliated me. I turned and walked silently back to my desk, but after a few whispers, Chris and his posse came over to give me a little more trouble. "So you talked to Tanner this morning? That's nice. You know, I wonder exactly when he's gonna get tired of you and move on already. I didn't even think it would last THIS long." He sneered.
"Get tired of me? I highly doubt it. WE hag out all the time." I said with pride. "Now, why don't you guys go back to your corner and let me have some peace for once."
"Say, just trying to be a friend, you know?" Chris said with an evil smile.
"I'm serious, Derrick. I just want to prepare you for the inevitable, bro. I mean...you don't think this little buddy-buddy friendship is really going to LAST, do you? Ha! Not so."
"Is that so?" I said blankly, being totally uninterested in anything else that Chris had to say at this point. I just kept my eyes down in my book and tried my best to ignore him until he went away.
"Yeah, that IS so, actually. You know, we'll be really glad when he gets sick of you and goes back to being 'normal' like the rest of us. He's slumming right now, but he'll come back eventually. Just wait and see."
"As usual, Chris...I don't have any idea what the hell you are talking about." I said, annoyed with the very sound of his voice. What a fucking asshole!
"I'm talking about you being Tanner's little pet project. You don't really think he LIKES you? Do ya? You're a novelty, Derrick. A circus freak that sticks out like a wooden nickle. Sure he wants to see how the other half lives, buy you a few things, make you feel good...sort of like an outreach program or adopting a starving child in Ethiopia. But once the infatuation has worn off and he gets tired of supporting a leech like you...he'll come to his senses and join the rest of us again."
Why was he doing this? I wasn't going to believe him, it was pointless for him to even try. "Like I said Chris...whatever."
"Oh, I see. You don't believe me. Well tell me something, you guys have been hanging out and stuff right? Well...when was the last time you've been to his house?" Chris asked. It wasn't working, this was stupid! I was just at Tanner's house....well I was....we were....
And it was at that moment that I realized that it had been almost two weeks since I had even seen the inside of Tanner's house. He was always coming to join me after school. Chris had a small point, but it's not like it meant anything. "A while. So what?"
"A while, huh? So he likes coming to your house now? Everyday? Like he's tired of you sponging off of him? Like he just wants to escape his life for a little while and kick it with you? Believe me Derrick, he's just trying to find something about you that's interesting enough to even consider you worthy of his time. Wake up and smell the coffee geek, your friendship is practically in overtime as it is. Tanner can't escape what he is even if he tried." Then Chris leaned in closer, "You know what I heard through the grapevine, dude? I hear that since you ran out of the grand theater that one day without telling anybody...Tanner's been totally embarrassed to bring you in front of his family. That's why he hasn't invited you over. He's ashamed of you dude, and once he gets tired of going out of his way to give to somebody who can't afford to give back...he'll wonder why he ever liked you in the first place. He's only with you because he's taken you in like a sick little puppy in the rain. You're a charity, Derrick, a financial burden, and even somebody with as much as Tanner's got in the bank can only give so much before he gets tired of you asking. Think about it."
I heard the bell ring finally, and I stood up in disgust, refusing to show them that they had gotten to me at all. I just grabbed my stuff and walked away. That's when I heard Chris shout out, "Not that I don't want you to be happy, poor boy! I'm sure you'll find at least ONE friend by the end of high school. Maybe some nerd boy and you can meet, grow a snake farm, and live happily ever after." He laughed at me, the other kids joining in like the studio audience of some sitcom. He had them fooled, but I saw right through all his bullshit and laid eyes on the jerk that he really was. How DARE he suggest that Tanner didn't like me. I was hurt by the fact that he said it, but it's not like I believed him or anything...because I didn't. Tanner and I were in love. Did he know that little detail? No. Tanner told me every day and every night, we displayed it through tears, through laughter, through sex...you can't fake that. Something this strong isn't just a fad, it'll last forever. I was sure of it. To hell with Chris AND his goons!
I went to the pay phone first thing before lunch as I promised, and called Tanner who was sitting in bed watching Jerry Springer. "Hey dude, what's up?" He said.
"Say, I was thinking..." I told him, not really giving in to what Chris told me, but 'testing' something out of sheer curiosity, "...maybe after school, I could drop by your house and hang out today. What do ya say?"
"Here? Nah...let's go to your place instead."
Strange, yes, but it didn't hurt me really, it was just a bit odd. "Yeah, but my mom will be home all day. So I thought...I could just stop by on my way home...maybe bring you some Slim Jims?"
"Hehehe...I think I've had my fill of Slim Jims for quite a while, dude. Maybe next century. That's okay though. I'm feeling better, really. I'll get my lazy butt out of bed and just meet you at your house."
"But my mom will be home. Remember?"
"We've done stuff while your mom was home before."
"Not 'good' stuff. Not like we can at your house. Hehehe..." A weak giggle escaped my lips. Keep it together, Derrick. Don't start getting weird. This is all so stupid.
"Well...yeah, but...both my parents are home."
"Yeah, but Tanner your house is big enough where we can avoid them for a while. They never come down in the basement, right." I said, getting a bit worried as to why he was seemingly so insistent about keeping me away from his house.
There was a slight pause, and then he said, "...but there's nothing to do here. I have more fun at your house. You know?" I didn't say anything at first. "Derrick?"
"Oh...yeah...okay. Sounds like a plan." I said, snapping back into focus. It was beginning to sting a little bit now. What was the deal here? All of the sudden he doesn't want me hanging around his house? Nothing to do there? He had a billiards table, an arcade game, a swimming pool...there was PLENTY to do at his house. But I decided to just agree and let it go before Chris' little mindgames and ramblings really got to me. If Tanner was getting tired of me...I didn't want to know about it. I'd rather stay in the dark forever about it. I'd rather be totally in love and deceived into thinking he felt the same way. As long as he never told me to get lost, I couldn't take that. I'd rather be his ignorant fool for life. It was better than nothing. Wasn't it?
When I got home from school, Tanner was already inside. My mom was in the kitchen baking brownies and she was helping him put the mix into the pans. He seemed a bit awkward, fixing things for himself, holding the bowl and trying to empty the batter without dropping it. Hehehe, it was so cute, the way it looked as if his muscles weren't meant to do something so 'everyday'. "I thought you had had your fill of junkfood." I said.
Tanner looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes of his and greeted me with a warm smile. "That was hours ago. I'm fully reformed when it comes to brownies." He looked like such a big kid wearing an apron and holding a big wooden spoon. He had a little smudge of flour on his forehead, and it was enough to make you want to tackle him right there and make love on the floor. My mom took a hold of the bowl and Tanner wiped his hands off on his apron. Giving me a little pose, he smirked, "Check me out Derrick, I'm BAKING! Psh! Am I domesticated or what?"
"Yeah...or WHAT?" I smiled.
My mom grinned at us and told me to put the pans in the oven while she checked on her laundry. She left the room and Tanner scooped some leftover mix from the bowl surprising me by putting a dab of it on my nose. I giggled a bit and he kissed me while smearing some more on my cheek. I didn't know if my mom was coming or not, but it was all I could take. He was too damn adorable at that moment to let him go another second without a smooch. I took a finger full of the batter myself and spread it gently across his lips, kissing him deeply and mixing it between us with my tongue. We were both getting a bit excited by the whole thing and as soon as we noticed our pants being tented out in front of us, we stopped right away. But not before Tanner leaned over and lewdly licked the remaining chocolate off of my cheek. I must admit, I've never really been licked like that before, it kind of tickled. It felt strange and wet and a bit sticky...but not in a gross way. It was actually pretty erotic. But then again this was Tanner, he could make tying his shoe an erotic experience.
"I love you sooo much right now..." I whispered, our eyes locked.
"Don't start something we can't finish." He said with another peck on the lips. "Your mom is coming." We straightened ourselves up a bit, and made sure that we turned away from her when she came back in.
We all sat in the kitchen while waiting for the brownies to finish, all three of us. We just sat around and joked for a bit, and I guess I had one of those moms who you didn't really feel uncomfortable having in the room when your friends were over, because she just gave us our space. Not to mention that she was 'fun'. She didn't try to be 14, she didn't try to be hip or super cool, she was just...naturally sweet. And she was one of the few moms on the planet that could coexist in the same room with her son and his 'boyfriend'. The brownies came out later, and we made sure that Tanner was going to be around to taste some of his handywork. Besides, with the way that he was checking on them every two minutes by opening the oven door, I doubt we could have gotten him to leave if we WANTED to. Hehehe, he really had never baked anything before. He was enchanted by the experience. It looked like it was going to be a long night, so I thought Tanner should maybe let his parents know that he was going to be home late. "Say dude, you should call home so you can stay a while longer."
"Call home? Why would I need to do that?" Tanner asked with a confused smile.
"So...they know where you are, man. They'll worry about you."
"Oh yeah, right. Um...do you have a phone in your bedroom or something. I'll just tell them I'm out with friends." And I showed him the way. 'Out with friends?' Is that what he said? For some reason the very thought of that made me think. So not only was I not welcome in his house, but he didn't even want to let his parents know he was hanging out with me. I know he didn't mean it, I was sure of it, but he was really starting to dig his nails into my heart here. I was willing to give him all I had in this world, even if it wasn't much. I don't care what anybody said, I was not a charity case. Tanner loved me and I loved him. He already told me the other stuff doesn't matter, and I should believe him. I really should.
I left him alone to make his call, and just hoped that I could block out some of those awful inner conversations that were suddenly popping up in the back of my mind. He came back into the room a minute or so later, smiling as though it had never happened, and after a few exchanges, I guess I felt well enough to forget about it for a while and just enjoy the evening. My mom actually broke out a deck of cards and we all played poker until the brownies were cool enough to eat. We all had some more laughs and a few quirky card games before he had to go home. Geez, I never wanted to see him leave. I wish he would just move in next door or something. After all, I was just going to end up calling him by the end of the night anyway. My mom actually offered to give him a lift, but I quickly objected! No reason for him to be subjected to the awful splendor of the junk wagon. And he called for his ride to pick him up. He loved me, he HAD to. I mean he was having fun, wasn't he? I had done everything I could to make him laugh a little, and he made brownies...that was cool. Chris didn't know what he was talking about. That asshole. And to think, I was actually starting to believe him.
I went to bed that night, after calling Tanner and talking to him of course, thinking about the two of us. But it wasn't the usual happy thoughts of Tanner and I living in total bliss for the rest of our lives. No, this time it was more analytical, like I was examining every moment we had ever spent together and seeing if it was real. I KNOW it sounds silly, but DAMMIT...it just wouldn't leave me alone! I just....I wanted to know if I should brace myself for a harsh let down here in the long run. I don't know if I could survive it if Tanner decided he really was through with me and wanted to be 'normal' again. Arrrrgh! Me...sitting here using Chris' words! Why am I letting him get to me anyway? Forget it Derrick, just let it go and enjoy what you have before you screw it up. It was hard to sleep, trying desperately to drive the demons from my mind, but I finally made it. Dreams about Tanner were as common as breathing, I only hoped that it wasn't as 'fantasy-driven' in real life as it was in my subconscious. We all need our waking dreams too.
School had its usual dismal appeal, not that I expected any more from it really. But at least my sweetie pie was by my side again, and that made it so much better. The first half of the day breezed right by, and I got to gym class a bit early that day. That's when I saw Chris walk past my locker, evidently running late from the class before me. He had just stepped out of the shower, with only a towel wrapped around his slender waist, his hair dripping wet, his muscles looking soft and relaxed from the heat of the running water, his green eyes sparkling with even more glory than usual. As much as I hated him for the kind of person he was, if I didn't know anything about him and saw him from afar...it would be a mouthwatering religious experience. Believe me. He really was cute, in a 'big asshole' kind of way. He didn't seem to notice me at first, but then once he recognized me he shuffled over to me and flashed me that cocky grin that let me know that there was some grief coming my way. Great, and here we go with 'Round 2'.
"So...did you step back into the real world yet, loser? Or do you still think this is all a game?" He sneered.
As he stepped closer, he smelled of heat and soap and a hint of shampoo. It was almost an erotic combination. I didn't even look him in the eye when I answered him. "Did you grow a personality yet? Or are you still an asshole?"
"You know, attacking me won't make it any better. Ok, suit yourself. But I'm willing to bet you won't see the inside of Tanner's house for a very long time. God knows I wouldn't let you in."
"Aren't you 'late' for something?" I asked, trying to get him to just leave me alone. What did I ever do to these people anyway? And why the hell did he smell so damn good at that moment???
"Not hardly. The class will wait for me. They ALWAYS wait for me. You see...I'm the boy that little fags like you dream about. I'm the guy you'll never be, no matter how hard you try. As long as you remember your place, you'll be fine." And he finally backed off a bit to get dressed. I was hardly a threat to Chris in any way. He had no reason to feel the need to pester me, he just did it out of pure spite. Sometimes I almost wish Tanner could take his place as Mr. Popularity and knock him down a few pegs. Tanner was MUCH cuter, MUCH sweeter, and a MUCH better human being than Chris would EVER be. Without his ego, his money, and his damn good looks, there was hardly anything left.
Chris opened the combination lock on his locker down at the other end of the row. We were the only two there, and the other people in my class were sure to start filing in any second now. I started to unbutton my shirt when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chris drop his towel to the floor. I don't know what it was, but I felt a slight stirring in the pit of my stomach, and I was suddenly tempted to look at him. It wasn't because it was him, it was just a 'gay boy sees cute boy naked' type of thing. I tried not to turn my head, tried not to let my curiosity get the best of me...but geez....he smelled sooooo good. You have NO idea! And it wasn't like I 'liked' him or anything. In fact I was disgusted by everything he said or did, it probably wouldn't even interest me all that much. I was probably bigger than he was anyway. So what harm would it do to sneak a peek? Let's see what Mr. Fancy Pants here has got to offer anybody stupid enough to want to spend time with a spoiled brat like him.
So, I gave in to temptation. I turned my head just a little bit and took a little secret glance at him. Just to see what he was made of.
Gulp....ohhhh...oh wow...it was incredible! The first thing I saw was the milky white skin on his beautifully round teen butt as he pulled his clothes out of his locker. His long hairless legs were so smooth looking, and damp. Even from across the room, a hint of that sexy fragrance crept my way and seemed to enhance the picture even more. His keys dropped out of his pants pocket, and he bent over to pick them up without shame. I saw just a hint of his freshly cleaned pucker, when he did it, and it made my cock slowly begin to stiffen and swell all on its own. I turned my back quickly before I gave myself away, but in my heart, I wanted to look again...maybe even stare. He's not supposed to be perfect! He's not supposed to be sexy! God is supposed to be punishing him or something, right? I mean, his attitude is supposed to be making up for some awful shortcoming or disfiguration. He can't be rich, AND popular, AND gorgeous! It's just not fucking FAIR!
Temptation came nudging at me again, and I took another glance at his sweet ass as he dried the last few droplets of water off of his slender body. It was decorated with swimmer's muscles, long and sleek, and he dried his hair with the towel, allowing me a few seconds to get a full glance. Then, he put one of his legs up on the bench and began to dry his private area while his back was still turned. I couldn't help but silently gasp as he did it, my memeber getting even harder despite my direct orders for it to stay limp. His legs were covered with the silkiest fine dusting of fuzz, and his skin was blemish free. His round balls were visible underneath his one lifted leg...they were just there, looking tastey and full, still soft and wet, hanging low to be seen underneath the soft cups of his butt. And as he jiggled the towel back and forth over them, I could have sworn I saw the head of his penis as it bounced back and forth with his hand motions. I was mesmerized, and suddenly jerked my head back into position to look straight ahead. There, that's enough...curiosity satisfied. He's...he's not all that. Just like everybody else. So he's cute, so what? Not enough to cover up the fact that he's a complete bastard on the inside. Not even worth a second look. Or...or is that a third look? Argh! Whatever! To hell with him!
I got into my gym shorts and Chris finally finished getting dressed. Then he walked past me and said, "Later, bitch." and just walked away. Fuck it, who needs him?
I was talking to Tanner right before we got on the bus to go home later that afternoon, and asked him if maybe he wanted to hang out today. "Sure! What do you say we go to your house and order some Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches or something? I've got a taste for one." Tanner said with a smile.
"Um....that's sounds fun, dude. But...actually I was thinking we could go to YOUR house and play a few games or something." I said. I was still feeling a bit strange about all this, and it just seemed too weird to me that I hadn't been over in so long.
"My house? Who wants to go over there? I'm there all the time. I need to get away from it all once in a while."
"Well...yeah, but..I haven't been over in a long while. I just thought it would be nice to change the location. You know?"
"Well...how about we just go out and get a bite to eat at the mall. And I'll have somebody pick me up and drop you off at home before taking me back?"
Okay...this was not good. What was going on here? I was determined to see what was going on in Tanner's mind. If he was ashamed of me, he could just say it. I'd understand...I guess. I mean, maybe I'm not the kind of person he usually hangs out with, but I was sure that I at least gave him a FEW smiles here and there. I might not deserve to be at Tanner's side, I'd never deny that, but if anything I deserved to know how he felt about me. We got on the bus, and since this was bothering me so much all of the sudden, I didn't want to go on not knowing. I had to ask. "Tanner...is there something you're not telling me here?"
"What? I just thought it would be fun, that's all."
"I mean about me being in your house. Do you not WANT me to come over?"
Tanner looked at me with a bit of surprise for a second, and then diverted his eyes to the ground. "Dude, can we not...look...I like it at your house okay? That's all. Don't get me wrong, I like having you over and all, but..."
"But? But what? Go ahead. Tell me. But what?" I said, politely demanding an answer.
"Derrick....dude, it's not like I don't want you there, it's just that I would rather go out someplace else. That's all it is. I didn't say you weren't welcome."
"So just...humor me a little and let me come over for just today. Would it be that bad?"
"It won't be bad, Derrick. Just..." He stuttered.
"Just what?" I asked, my eyes pleading for another answer than the one becoming more concrete by the second in the back of my mind. "I mean...are you running an illegal drug operation in the basement? Is your dad secretly Batman? Are you fumigating for rich cockroaches with Gucci purses? What? Give me something to go on here, Tanner."
"I don't know why this is such a big deal to you."
"It's not a big deal. That's why I don't see the harm in spending some time in your mansion there."
"My parents are home..."
"And you don't want them to see me. That's what it is, isn't it?" I said, finally blurting it out. "You don't want them to know that you're playing big brother to little Derrick the Destitute from the poor side of town, where people don't matter. Is that right?" I said it almost loud enough for other people on the bus to hear us, and he was a bit shaken by the attention.
"Derrick...what the hell? Can we not do this right now? If you don't want to hang out today, just let me know and I'll go home alone."
"I'm not ASKING you to go home alone, Tanner. I'm asking to join you, but you obviously don't want that as long as your snobby uptight parents are home. The 'King' and 'Queen' wouldn't like that at all, would they?"
Tanner flashed me a hurt look and shoved me. The look in his eyes made me want to take it all back, but my pride wouldn't let me. He hurt my feelings, why should I care if I hurt his? He suddenly grabbed his bag tight, and pushed and stepped on my feet as he got up out of his seat. "Fuck you, Derrick! I really don't need this!" And he moved to the other side of the bus.
We didn't say another word to each other for the next few minutes, and Tanner got off the bus without so much as looking back in my direction to flip me the finger. I didn't know if I should be glad or angry or heartbroken. All I knew was that I instantly regretted doing it. I mean, what did he do to deserve an attack like that? Maybe I was being too pushy about it all. I mean, it hurt, sure, but I wasn't necessarily a big prize. I should be getting down on my knees and thanking the stars above every single day of my pathetic life that someone like Tanner would even look twice at me. He was SO much more than I deserved to have, and here I am pushing him away over some bullshit scuffle about who's house to visit after school. Still...I was a real person, with real feelings. I know it shouldn't matter to me what anybody else thought, but I was DETERMINED to prove that one day. To Tanner, to his parents, to his family, to the kids at school, to Chris...I was going to show them all someday.
I pretty much felt like shit for the rest of the way home, and I had made the decision to just call Tanner when I got home and beg his forgiveness. Even if he didn't like me, even if I was his pet project, I was going to make this last for as long as I could. So fifty years from now, when I'm old and grey and alone, I can say that I once had one true love in my life, and I did my best to make it work. I walked home from the bus stop and as soon as I walked through the front door, I put my bag by the phone. I picked it up, but stopped suddenly when I heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I froze at first, wondering whether to call out and see if it was my mom, call the police, or just run my ass off. We've been robbed before when I was little, but not while I was actually in the house! I don't know what made me do it, but I weakly called out to see if it was my mother.
"Mom? Is that you?" No answer. And I heard another noise from the kitchen. Okay....my heart was beating a thousand times per second now, and I was moving closer to the kitchen. I grabbed the broom from the corner and took it with me. Whatever Derrick! Like THAT'S gonna protect you! And I snuk around he corner and peeked my head around. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as I saw Tanner fooling around in the fridge and wearing a portable cd player on his hip. He was nodding his head slightly to the music and didn't even see me coming. I tapped him on the shoulder to let him know I was there and he freaked!
"OH SHIT!!! Derrick! Jesus, you scared the SHIT out of me!" He said ripping the earphones off of his head.
"I thought you were a burglar."
"Well, what the hell were you gonna do? Sweep me to death?"
"What are you doing here anyway? I kinda got the impression you didn't want to talk to me." I said, my stubbornness returning.
"Your mom let me in before she went to work. I just stopped by to see you. As soon as I got home, I had somebody drive me over here before you got home."
"Great. Well there's a good way to keep me from coming over. Just meet at my house all the time and I'll never be the wiser."
"Stop it with that. Geez..." He said. "Sigh....Derrick, look, we have to talk." He said, a serious look in his eye, his soft fingers grabbing the broom from my hands. This was it. He was either going to tell me that he loved me no matter what, or he was going to tell me to piss off. If it turned out bad, could I take it? If it turned out well, could I believe it? I wasn't quite sure what to expect from any of this at all, but as my heart pounded away in my chest, I knew that I was finally going to get my answer. And I needed that. We went back into my bedroom and sat down next to each other on the bed. I wasn't quite sure what to say, and I don't think he was either.
"Okay..." He started, "I'm going to ask you something. And no matter what happens, I want you to be totally honest with me, okay?" Then Tanner took a deep breath, his voice shaking as though he was terrified to say what was on his mind. "Are....are you trying to tell me...to get lost or something?"
"Because...if you are...I need to know. I just..I don't want you to ever be unhappy." He said, cringing a bit. "You know?"
I paused, not knowing if I had even heard him right. I was a little dumbfounded that he would ask such an odd question, and I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I looked over at him and he was obviously dreading me giving him the wrong answer. "Tanner...NO! My God, no! Where would you get a crazy idea like that from?"
He let out a long relieving sigh. "Whew, thank God..." He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "I thought you wanted to get rid of me."
"I'm not trying to 'get rid' of you. I love you more than anything in this world."
"Then what is it? What am I doing wrong?"
Tanner was beginning to get tears in his eyes, I think partially out of relief, and partially out of confusion. He seemed so lost at that moment. I turned around so as not to look him in the eyes. My heart was an open book for him, and I didn't want to hurt him by letting him know he was hurting me. "I know how you feel about...well, about who I am, Tanner. Or better, WHAT I am."
"What is that supposed to MEAN, Derrick? I don't get it." He said, almost breaking into a sob.
Don't look Derrick, don't look. Once you do, you'll crack. Don't make this worse than it has to be. "I'm not like the others, Tanner. I'm not normal. You shouldn't have to hide anything because of me, you shouldn't have to face the teasing that I do, or miss out on your chance to be the hottest most popular kid in school. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your time or your money or anything else for me. It's not worth it."
"Why do you always say that? What the hell do I have to do to prove to you that none of that stuff matters to me, Derrick? YOU matter to me. You're always telling me how you don't deserve me and how you're not good enough and how I don't have to buy you stuff. Derrick, I do all that stuff because it's the only way I know for me to show you how much I care about you. I don't know how to say it because this is still all so new to me. And God, I'm so sorry if you don't know how deep my love for you goes, but I want you to feel the same way. And I don't want you to feel guilty about accepting the same from me. All the things I've ever done for you...no, WITH you...they don't even scratch the surface of how badly I want to be with you. And until they put a price on Heaven and Earth, I never will."
"I just don't think you know how incredible you are." I cried, tears now rolling down my cheeks. What did I want? What was I trying to say? Whatever it was, I just didn't want to hurt over this anymore. "You are so beautiful in every way. You should find somebody exciting, and rich, and good looking, and all the other things that I can't give you. You're perfection, Tanner, and you need perfection in return. I don't think you'll ever understand that."
He put his gentle hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently, and it made my eyes burn, the fire being snuffed out by a steady flow of tears. He said, "And without you in my arms..there IS no perfection. I don't think you'll ever understand that."
The bastard had an answer for everything. "I just....I just don't want you to be embarrassed by me." I dropped my head to the floor, ashamed that I couldn't be more for him.
"Embarrassed? What are you talking about?" I didn't want to say any more. This whole thing was silly enough. Dammit, why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't I have more, why couldn't I be one of the snotty brats at school with no conscious at all? It must be awesome to live in a fantasy world like they do. A world where they feel like a king all the time, a world where they honestly believe the world owes them a favor, that people worship the ground they walk on. What do I have? Insecurities...damn insecurities. "Derrick, talk to me. Aren't you even gonna look at me?"
It took a few seconds for me to finally turn around, but I couldn't look him in the eye for too long. So my gaze kept going down to his chest instead. It made it a little bit easier to say. "I know you're ashamed of me, and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry! I wish I could be different, but I just can't. I'm just stuck here in this house, in these clothes, in my mom's car...it's like I'll never be able to escape it, no matter what I do. And I know you don't want me in your house, and I know you don't want your parents to know that we still hang out, and I know...."
"Wait, wait...you...you think I'm ASHAMED of you? That's what this is all about? Oh dude...dude come here..." And Tanner pulled me close to him, kissing me on the forehead and wrapping his loving arms around me as my tears soaked into his shirt. "Dude, I'm not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. You're the most caring, funny, lovable person I've ever met in my life. You never have to wear a mask for me, baby. Or for anybody, for that matter. You can have fun and just be alive, just be in love. You have sooo much dude. I'm not ashamed of your situation...I'm ashamed of mine."
That was a bit hard to understand, what in the world did HE have to be ashamed of? "What do you mean? You have everything, what more could you possibly want?"
"What do I want? Derrick, I want to run down to the corner store to stuff myself on junk food until I get sick. I want to play basketball with a group of kids who are more concerned about the score than they are about breaking a sweat in their new designer 'active wear'. I want to come home to a mom who bakes brownies and plays cards with me instead of just ignoring me all of the time. A mom who will care when I'm out late and don't call her to let her know I'm alive. I want to be able to get dirty without somebody throwing a fit. I want to go to school and have fun without people piling nominations for sports and councils and clubs on my desk. I want to be friends with who like me and not just be lured in by the fact that the others think of me as being someone 'with potential'. I want parents that will drive me to school or take me to a friends house instead of being driven around by some hired guy in a uniform. I want what you take for granted, Derrick. I just want to be 'normal' and not some candidate for Mr. Popularity." He took my face into his hands and wiped a few tears from my eyes. "More importantly...I want you, Derrick. All I've ever wanted was you. Because I love you, and nothing else in this world means more to me than what you and I have together. Nothing."
I looked up into his eyes, and the water in our eyes seemed to cause both of our specs to glow with affection. To think that we loved one another so much that we actually envied each other for our faults. I suppose looking at someone's life from the outside is always the best place to see it from. It never occurred to me that he might not enjoy being so wonderful, that he could possibly feel any pain or grief at all. I didn't see anything wrong with him at all, not a single shiny hair out of place, not a single personality trait that seemed out of whack. To think that he grew so incredibly perfect out of a family and atmosphere that seemed so cold at times, was even more amazing. It was a magical moment that we shared, our eyes locked together, embracing with all the love we had to give, and we came together in a passionate kiss that left us both breathless. I loved this boy so much it hurt to even try to analyze it. Where would I be without my Tanner?
"Do you mean it? Please...promise me that you're telling the truth." I whimpered between kisses.
"I'll only be telling the truth when you believe me. When you trust me enough to make it true. I just wanna love you...if you'll let me. Only if you'll let me."
"I will. I swear to you that I will." I leaned up and kissed him again, letting my feelings go and give in to the feeling he was giving me. It's so hard sometimes, actually allowing yourself to believe that something like this could ever be possible in your life. That it could bring out this level of complete bliss without there being some level of deception. Love...it's the truest delusion I know.
Our lips molded together perfectly. A kiss had never been more heartfelt. We didn't even use our tongues for the first five minutes, content to just hold each other, happy to just connect in some way that was real. We laid back and our lip lock increased in intensity. It was a confusing emotion to feel at that moment, to have to choose whether to bask in the pleasure he was giving me, or to concentrate on giving him twice as much pleasure in return. And as his boyish breath transferred from his body into mine, I felt myself hardening to the point of wanting to burst. My stiffened member tented the front of my pants, reaching out until my hard on met his. The first contact made both of us gasp with the realization that we were both thinking the same thing, and we crushed our bodies together right away, our tongues darting outwards to connect even more. We pushed and gyrated in an erotic slow dance for what seemed like an eternity, not a single article of clothing coming off. My whole body tingled as we rolled back and forth on the bed, Tanner on top of me for a minute or two, only for us to trade positions shortly after. It was as if my entire body wanted to explode, but my heart held the orgasm back until it was finished loving the boy that gave it life, gave it meaning. It was a euphoria that lifted me from reality and into that strange world of dreams, that world where you can believe and disbelieve simultaneously. Tanner was the only one who ever made me feel that way. He's the only one who ever will.
I let my hands roam over Tanner's soft flexible body, his skin delighting my fingertips with the most incredible texture. God, I loved every inch of him! His warm flesh was so smooth, his body so tight, his ass so soft, so tender, his kiss so sweet. I loved the way his silky light brown hair would brush back and forth across my forehead when we kissed while he was on top of me, his breath blowing softly on my cheek. The motion of his head as he slid his lips over mine....it was so fulfilling. His lips were so tender that it felt like I would bruise them if I kissed him any harder. And his tongue was wet and warm as it slowly wiggled it's way around the inside of my mouth. My hands moved down to his pert and flexing globes, and he shivered with delight, pushing into me hard and letting the rubbing of our young bodies become an unbearable and frustrating sensation of pure excitement. I strongly kneaded his cheeks again and again, and Tanner was so hot that he couldn't continue to kiss me. He instead moaned out loud and buried his head into my neck, grinding into me almost with a sense of desperation. He molded his body to mine and humped me passionately, his panting getting faster and faster in my ear as his hips rolled around on top of me. I closed my eyes and just felt his body heat mix with mine, the scent of Tanner's lovely teen fragrance filling me once again. And when I felt his hands reach for my zipper, I became consumed with an anxiety like you wouldn't believe. We stripped, quickly, without ever once losing physical contact of some kind. One of these days I'll film it just so I could rewind it and see just how that was possible. Hehehe! And there we lay, our naked bodies sliding erotically over one another, Tanner's creamy, frictionless skin giving me goose bumps with his every movement. He slid his soft body on top of me, and my legs parted to accept him into the waiting embrace of my arms and legs. Tanner kissed me deeply again as my legs wrapped around him and held him as close to me as I could. But once our kissing urges had been satisfied, he lifted up to look down at me....neverending love in his eyes. He pushed into me gently again, my hardness and his, sliding against each other, side by side. Then he put his hand over my eyes to close them as he tongued a long wet trail to my soft stomach. He darted his tongue in and out of my belly button playfully, his hands running a delightful sensation up my sides. I writhed with a ticklish spasm as he ate out my navel, his face rolling back and forth across my stomach. His smooth chest was pressed against my groin, and the slick softness of it was amazing. I pushed myself into it again and again, his sleek pecs stroking me up and down, exciting me even more. Tanner must have known how worked up I was getting, because he moved down to quickly suck me into his hot mouth, bobbing a few times and coating me with a heavy layer of saliva. He rubbed the insides of my thighs and used one finger to toy with my hole a bit while his other fingers brushed up against my balls. My whole body was trembling, and it felt like I was going to pass out any minute. Then, Tanner pulled off of me, and used his hands under my arms to sit me up against my headboard. He looked into my eyes seductively, and slowly kissed me again, making me close my eyes as I felt his lean body straddle mine. Oh GOD! He was so hot and slick to the touch, a tantalizing bath of teenaged beauty. His hand took a hold of my stiff member, straining for release, and yet straining to hold it in for the most intense pleasure of a lifetime. He then positioned himself a bit to hover over it, smiling as he heard the hungry whimpers and cries escaping from my throat as I saw what he was aiming for. I took a hold of his hardness too, and gave it a few gentle strokes as he guided me into his furnace like warmth. I could hardly breathe, and my vision blurred. Still, I looked down to watch my inches sink slowly into the delicious insides of my love. I felt the tightness of Tanner's puckered rosebud as it touched my tip, and he hesitated a second to tease me, before allowing me to enter further inside. I moaned out loud in short bursts as I felt the constricting ring of Tanners asshole stubbornly give way to my invasion, and my whole body tensed up in order to keep from letting loose and spilling my load all over the place. Tanner's perfect teen body swallowed me inch by inch, every bit of progress into his tunnel getting hotter and hotter. His wet insides swirled around me, the entire space alive with movement, quivering and sucking, opening and closing, pulsing and spasming. Steamy and moist, I could feel his heartbeat through our intimate connection, and he could feel mine. Those two heartbeats were in tune, in perfect harmony, I shouldn't have expected anything less. Not from the boy I loved. And who loved ME.
Tanner continued to slide down my shaft while I squirmed like a fish on land underneath him. GOD DAMN HE FELT GOOD! He kept going, deeper and deeper, feling me plunge into his love. Tanner paused shortly after sliding down a little more than half way, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as I hit his prostate. He purred softly as he was ready to slide down the rest of the way, and I was just hoping and praying that I'd be able to hold out. He was almost crying it felt so incredible, and then he opened his eyes as he slid further down to finally rest his curved spongy cheeks on my lap. We stayed like that for a minute, both of us almost at the point of orgasm as it was, and Tanner leaned forward a bit to lick the tip of my nose.
"Shit! No...don't do that! Don't do that! I won't be able to hold it!" I panted, feeling my mind run around in circles. I wanted to pump in and out of him soooo bad, but I knew that any sudden moves would bring this precious moment to an end. I reached down and gave Tanner a few gentle strokes. He wrapped his arms around my neck and moaned sexily, his constricted inner walls gripping me with his response.
"I love you, Derrick." He whispered with a smile.
"Shhh! Hehehehe! Don't!" I had to stop him, his voice, his words, everything about him was pushing me over the edge.
"Mmmm...but I do. I love you sooooo much." He said, completely making love to me mentally without even moving. I felt my heart burst, my eyes getting watery again. And at that moment, Tanner leaned in to kiss me, slightly rising up on my shaft. The sensations nearly killed me!
"Oh God! Oh...ohhhh..." I couldn't even string enough words together to make any sense. Tanner slid back down again slowly, only to rise again. I stroked him faster, and he growled with joy, bouncing a bit more rhythmically.
"Whimper, I love you Derrick." He teased, smiling at me with a mischievous grin.
"I Looooooove yoooooou Derrick!" He whispered as sensually as he could, still rising and falling on my super sensitive member. I decided to tease him a little too, so I sped up on my stroking until he was almost ready to let go, and then I completely let go of it. Letting it twitch in mid air, spasming out of control but not getting enough attention to release him from his torture. After the third time of doing this, Tanner was wild, and began to really bounce on my lap, my hips moving up to meet him. He was so hot and tight, the feeling was beyond words. And finally, I felt my tip get almost painfully sore, ready to burst with hot release, and the tingling shaft made me moan and wiggle frantically...trying to force the orgasm to shoot out of me before the excitement killed me. I stroked Tanner to the point where he was in the same position, and this time, when I pulled off, he couldn't stand anymore. I knew he was going to cum no matter what, and I reached up to hold his hands on my shoulders. He gasped and screamed, trying to get his hands free to touch himself, to jack off the impending climax, but I wouldn't let him. His cock jerked wildly on its own and I saw it expand by itself. Tanner came without even touching himself, his throbbing organ shooting stream after stream of cum onto my chest as he continued to move up and down my length. He was struggling something awful, his orgasm shooting out of him like crazy, and him unable to stop it, or control it, or finish it off with his hands. His whole body shook in a way that I had never seen before. And seeing the look of unbelievable joy on his face made me crossover into a blinding orgasm myself. Tanner's hot insides swirled and sucked at my connection as it spasmed out of control throughout his whole trembling body. I felt like I'd never stop cumming inside of him, and I never wanted to. We ached with a post orgasmic weakness that left us both drained and relaxed. We couldn't move for the first few minutes, and then Tanner rolled off of me, and we just laid there in each other's arms. It was amazing, we were too exhausted to even kiss after that. I honestly think it's the best sex we had ever had up to that point, and we had been practicing...a LOT.
It was sooo hard to keep from falling asleep like that, but we had to fight it off. Didn't want to oversleep and wake up to my mom asking me what the hell was going on here. But the more Tanner told me he had to go, the more I begged him to stay. We never wanted to leave each other's arms, we could easily stay that way forever. I even persuaded him to stay a bit longer with a long, slow, and steady blowjob before letting him leave. But once Tanner got up, it seemed like half of my soul got up with him. To love someone that much is a magic I won't even insult trying to describe.
Tanner did make it home, and left me in the house giggling to myself and feeling like a little kid at Christmas. I danced around the living room for a while, wondering if there was any way for me to burn off this lovely burst of energy. It was a jittery feeling, an incredible sensation that enhanced my outlook on life in every possible way. I was literally shaking. I sat down on the couch and watched TV for a while. I wondered if maybe I should give Tanner a call, just to say hello. I didn't want to seem weird or too clingy..as always. But I couldn't help smiling to myself, impatient with my hesitation because I knew that I was going to head for that phone eventually. I thought about it for a few minutes more, and even though he had just left the house an hour or so ago, I just HAD to hear his voice again. He was just so cute! And I was more in love than my pride could handle. I finally got up and walked over to dial his number. But, again...before I even picked up the receiver...
...The phone rang.
How in the hell does Tanner always know? Hehehe!
I certainly hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter as well as the others in the series so far! I truly want to thank you all for the support and love you've given this story, and I hope to keep it moving a bit more consistently from now on! Kewl? Please let me know what you think of the chapter at Comicality@webtv.net or stop by my website at http://comicality.gayauthors.org (And don't forget to sign the guestbook!)
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