My alarm seemed extra loud that morning as it startled me out of a deep sleep like a train wreck. I hurriedly rolled over to turn it off, and laid back as my heart tried to resume a normal pace after the shock. My limbs felt numb, and my eyes drooped. It was one of those mornings where you had slept for more than enough hours to be well rested, but it just didn't feel like it. I was still groggy as hell, and I knew that my mom would be marching into my room any minute, pulling up the shades and flooding my room with the blinding light of another sunny day. I'd rather get up on my own without the threat of 'invasion'. Besides, I was sporting a painfully hard erection that morning, and lord KNOWS I didn't want her to have to see that!
I washed up and brushed my teeth with the last little bit of the toothpaste that I could squeeze out of the tube, and tossed it out. I tried fixing my hair, but it wasn't going to agree with me today. So I tossed it around as much as I had patience for and left it like that. I got dressed in a shirt that I figured Tanner would find 'sexy' and matched it up with whatever other clothes I could rustle up. It was weird exactly how much loving Tanner had an effect on the way I groomed myself in the morning. Always looking to put some extra 'spice' into my appearance, always taking the extra time to hopefully look as beautiful to him as he did to me. I doubt I'd ever reach that level of raw sensual passion though. And it wasn't just me being a dork in love either, I mean he was really gorgeous without even trying to be. There were times on the weekends when he would just be wearing a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt, and yet it would mold to his lithe body with such a subtle pinch of teen sexuality that I couldn't even think straight in his presence. Sometimes his hair would catch the sunlight and glow with this gentle auburn glory, and when it fell forward into his sparkling hazel eyes...the two colors would blend into something indescribable. In school, I noticed that he just had the curves and build to fit anything to a tee...soft sweaters, slim khakis, jeans, snug on his hips or baggy, button down shirts with or without the collar...for crying outloud, he even had nice FEET that his socks would stretch over and show off perfect arches! And with all that beauty, he never really meant to do ANY of it on purpose! It just happened. He was beautiful by default. Sigh...just thinking about it made me long for his kiss again as soon as we could possibly get some time alone. I hungered for it all day long, and I was never sure of how well I was hiding it in front of everyone else. I was literally drenched in my love for him at all times, and there were times when I'm sure that Tanner could see it in my eyes. I know because he would always blush a little and giggle sweetly to himself when he caught on. I'd always ask what was so funny, and he would just smile and say, "Nothing...goofball." It was almost like a cute little nickname that he created for me when I was being overly 'girly' about him. Which was often. I didn't even feel any shame in it anymore. He was worth humiliating myself, trying to express and explain these energetic explosions going off inside me every ten seconds! I loved the feeling. I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. Tanner and I will have to make plans to get together sometime before this weekend. Thinking about him was exciting me already.
"What is this?" My mom asked, the first words I heard from her all morning.
"What is what?"
"This...what's this?" She repeated, showing me the empty toothpaste tube that I through away. "Why did you toss this out?"
"It was empty." I shrugged, but she was evidently in a somewhat stressful mood that morning.
"It's NOT empty. There's more in here. We can't just start throwing good stuff away, Derrick."
"Mom...geez, I squeezed the last bit of it out a few minutes ago. It's tapped already."
She walked into the bathroom and got her toothbrush, and after what must have been three minutes of squeezing, shimmying, twisting, and rolling it up from the base to the top...she was able to actually drain almost another toothbrush full out of the tube. "Tapped, right?" She said.
I just kind of looked at her. I mean, I certainly hope she doesn't expect me to go through ten minutes of effort just to get enough toothpaste for 30 seconds of brushing every morning before school. For crying out loud, it's not like I threw it away half full. "I squeezed as much as I could out of it first..."
"Well don't throw it away until it's gone next time. I can't afford to keep buying stuff we don't need." And with that, she tossed out the toothpaste and left. Okaaaaay...somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I poured myself some cereal and sat down at the table with the milk. I poured a generous amount over the bowl, ready to eat. Again, my mom came in and the next thing I know, I was being 'targeted' again. "Hey hey...easy on the milk. That's enough."
"What's the matter with you today?" I asked.
"Watch it. Ok? Just watch it, I'm not in the mood." Jesus, she was cranky! "You just make sure that you're on that bus today and get to school. The car won't start and I won't be able to take you today."
"Woo hoo! Day off from school!" I said, trying to cheer her up a bit. But she got a serious look on her face.
"You are NOT skipping school, do you hear me. You're a smart boy, Derrick. You should go to school. It's important."
"Mom...I was kidding." I gave her a weird look, and I knew that something was wrong. Very wrong. She was just acting way off balance this morning. "Is something wrong?"
She looked me in the eye for a moment and said, "Nothing more than usual, hon." She ruffled my hair a bit and gave me a weak smile. "Eat your breakfast." Then she got up and went to get dressed.
Whatever the problem was, I knew my mother, and any of my attempts to figure it out, ask about it, or help her with it, would only drive it deeper and deeper 'underground'. She was one of those people who didn't ask for help, especially from her only son. It was an independence that was admirable, but sometimes frustrating as hell. The only thing I could do was finish my breakfast, grab my backpack, and head out to school. She'll tell me eventually, I suppose. When she thinks she's ready and not a moment before. Thus is the way of the strange woman that I call 'Mom'.
I got on the bus and was excitedly waiting for that special moment when I got to see Tanner jump on board. I could always see him looking up into the bus windows for me as we approached his stop. No matter what, even in the rain, he always found me. Our dreamy gazes always just seemed to lock in one another when we were close. Like magic. He hopped on and took his place beside me as the bus started off again. "Morning, beautiful." He said, always making his first greeting sound like something a husband and wife would say at the breakfast table before that 'good morning' kiss. "So how did it go?"
"How did what go?" I asked.
"Hehehe...you know what I'm talking about. Dropping you and your 'funny valentine' off at the house the other night." He giggled.
"Arrrgh...don't remind me."
"That bad, huh?"
"This whole thing isn't just extremely weird, it's downright psychotic, you know? I'm not trying to be a dick about the whole thing, but he's really trying to get me to change my mind about falling in love with him."
"So does this mean I should be watching my back?" Tanner gave me his lopsided grin, trying not to laugh too loud at my predicament.
"Well, I think it's sweet. Lord knows I would have bought you off a long time ago if I thought 'I' couldn't have you."
"Thanks...that's just great. What am I, a prostitute now? Let's hear it for Derrick, the hard working ho!" We laughed outloud, drawing some attention to ourselves and quieted down so the other people riding with us didn't start eavesdropping on our conversation. I hated having to be 'careful' with my words in public. But if it meant more time in a private paradise with my Tanner...then speaking about it outloud in front of strangers was a small thing to sacrifice.
"So are you still coming over on Wednesday? Half day at school, maybe pick up some junk food, and we'll have free reign of the house." Tanner asked.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Lord knows I can't get enough of him. I'd spend every minute of every day with him if I thought it were possible. Besides, any opportunity for some nookie with my boyfriend was MORE than a welcome area on my personal schedule. Just sitting there thinking about it was a pleasure in itself. The feel of his skin, getting softer and warmer the further down his body I traveled with my kisses. The sweet aroma of his boyhood as it quivered beneath me, smelling sweetly of soap mixed with every erotic pheromone that Tanner's young body could produce. His gentle breath, his silken hair, his skillfull hands and thin red lips...sigh...
Tanner must have gotten a hint as to what I was thinking once I got quiet, because he smiled at me and whispered, "I suppose we'll have plenty of time for that too...pervert." He is simply TOO cute, sometimes.
We got through the front gates of the school all too soon, and filed out for morning classes. It was weird, but I missed him before he even left my sight. I thought about what he said on the bus, and it was true...if I couldn't have Tanner, it wouldn't have made my feelings for him dwindle one bit. I guess if I was looking at things from Chris' point of view...the situation might make a lot more sense. "Hi, Derrick..." Speak the devil's name...and he'll show up everytime.
"Hey, Chris. What's up?"
"I just want you to know, that I've learned my lesson, and I'm gonna be cool from now on, and you'll have all the space you need to do...whatever." He smiled. He seemed so proud of himself that it was kinda funny.
"Well...good. That's good dude. Really. Thanks." "Yep! No more silly stuff. And I won't call so much. And I won't just drive by your house unannounced anymore either. OH, and I switched my gym locker back to the other side of the room again. See? That's my lock on it, right there." He declared.
"Thanks man. I appreciate it. I'm glad you feel good about all this."
"Yeah...I feel good. Really good. No more...I'm...I'm cool. So...I just thought I'd let you know. Ok?" Something tells me that this obsession is not quite over yet.
"Cool...well...I've gotta run to class, Chris." I didn't know what else to say at that point. But I believe he was a tad bit disappointed that I didn't try to at least resist his seperation from me a just a little.
"Ok. I'll...I'll see you later. NOT that I have to see you later, but...you know...I might...run into you or something." He stammered.
"OR...maybe I WON'T run into you. Maybe I won't see you again until tomorrow. Won't bother me." I just turned around and smiled while giving him a weird look. He's really turning into quite the adorable little freak these days, isn't he? He watched me go all the way down the hall and even waved goodbye. I hope he didn't take my aggreement with his new 'stay away' outlook as something negative. I didn't want to seem like I was pushing him off of me. Not 'too hard' anyway.
I was almost relieved to know that he was at least trying to ween himself off of me. I never imagined that someone could really be...infatuated with me. It was like being on display, pressured to be worthy of someone else's affections. I wasn't quite sure what to do about it at all. I wonder what he thinks about when he's thinking of me. I wonder if he's really 'out of control' around me, or if he's just joking around about that part. That's a weird thought in itself, and better left alone. I was kinda enjoying my new freedom from a potentially bad stuation, and thought that I might at least have a break from his 'manhunt'. But when I got to gym class, I could tell that Chris' resistance was already breaking. I walked in to the locker room to change and saw Chris standing there, leaning against the lockers with his head down. I gave him a simple hello, which he returned, I guess, expecting a much longer conversation from me. And then his eyes were glued right back down to the ground again in complete silence. When I started to take off my shirt and didn't say anything else, I noticed him get really fidgety and nervous, playing with the handle on one of the lockers. He was trying, I suppose...but it was as if I could 'feel' him itching to say something else. Anything else. The locker room was almost empty at the moment, so this was his only window of opportunity and it was closing fast. So...just when I thought he was about to have his head explode from the pressure of holding it all back, Chris took in a quick suction of air and said, "I love you." Just like that, out of the blue. No warning, no build up, just...I love you. What's weird is, I think it surprised HIM twice as much as it did me.
"What?" I said, a bit in shock.
"NOTHING! Forget it." He got extremely nervous and swiftly turned around to face the lockers while bumbling with his stuff. Then I heard him tapping worriedly on his lock, trying so hard to decide between letting go and doing what I asked of him. But it was no use anymore. He let out a long sigh and looked around the corner to see if anyone was coming. Then he said, on 'purpose' this time, "Derrick...I'm sorry, ok? But...I love you. I know I said I was going to back off, and that everything's cool, but...it's only been a few hours....and...I miss you already....and...I love you."
I was a bit lost. "Chris...that's sweet and all, but..."
"I know, I know! And I'm trying to forget about it, I really am. I just...can't." He was breathing hard, and shaking a little, and struggling with every word that he spoke, I could tell. He couldn't even look me in the eye. Wow...he's really got it bad, hasn't he? "I've been thinking about you ALL weekend, Derrick! It's like I can't get you out of my head, and I LOVE it! It's such a rush, and I can't control it! It runs through me 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm going to BURST if I don't get to touch you again soon! I've never felt this way about anyone before, certainly not somebody poor!" He said without blinking.
"I am NOT 'POOR'! And you're NOT in love with me, Chris. You just 'think' you are." I said.
"No way, dude." He grinned. "This isn't some illusion, Derrick, this is real. I feel it all the time, and I can't stop giggling. I couldn't even sleep last night because I was soooo waiting to see you again. I was literally tossing and turning and smiling to myself in my bed last night. And it's NOT just because I think you're HOT and wanna fuck your brains out! It's other stuff too! Isn't that awesome?"
My mouth hung open. "Uh...yeah...I...I guess it is. Sure."
"I mean, I still think about sleeping with you, like, ALL the time...or...sucking you off, or having a really HOT 69 wth you...that's my favorite, cause you get on top and I can..."
"Yeah, Chris...I think I get your meaning." I said, cutting his 'fantasy' a bit short.
"But, Derrick, you're so much more than that to me! It was like, all of the sudden...POW! It hit me! And what can I say? I love you!" He shrugged his shoulders happily and left me even more confused than ever. Once he got out the initial confession, his fear began to melt away, and that cocky confidence was speeding back to him faster than I could keep up. "And I love your ass too! I didn't tell you before, because it seemed kinda weird, but I took a picture of it with my cell phone last week."
"You did WHAT???" I said, and lowered my voice as I saw another boy walk past us to go to his locker somewhere in the back of the room. The rest would be there shortly. "WHEN?" I said in a loud whisper.
"While you were changing. I secretly took a picture of your butt in your underwear. God...you make me wanna lick my phone, dude. You are SO cute, you know that?"
"Chris...geez...this is NOT cool, ok? I thought we had a deal?"
"Derrick..." He whined. "...Come on...I'm aching over here. I'm being as 'tame' as I can when it comes to you."
I sighed outloud. "Chris, I think we should...discuss some things, ok?" I said, as calmly and plainly as I could.
"Sure! Like what?" He asked, his smile still beaming brightly enough to blind me. A few more kids walked in, causing me to go back to a whisper. The locker room was filling up fast.
"In PRIVATE, I mean. This...um...this is a public locker room." I think, in his haste to confess his love for me, he had forgotten that.
Chris blushed a little and smiled, "Shit...I'm sorry. It's hard to think about anything except how I feel about you, you know?" And speaking of 'hard'...Chris' excitement was becoming extremely visible in the front of his pants. That deliciously big bulge that I had seen in the flesh more than once...it was reacting to my very presence. He caught me looking and grinned. "Yeah...it's been happening like every two minutes since I discovered how I felt about us. Hehehe! It's kinda neat, feeling this way all day long." He moved closer to me, letting the tip of his hardness graze my leg as he whispered in my ear. "You like it?" And on THAT note, I decided to just get dressed and go before he asked me to participate in something...um...inappropiate. I kept him at arm's length while I dressed, and made sure to keep my back to the lockers while putting on my shorts. Taking pictures of me with his phone...I can't BELIEVE he did that! It's weird, but I think I liked Chris a lot more when he hated me.
He smiled warmly, unnaffected by my peventative measures to keep him away from me, and changed himself. He made sure to turn to the side a few times so I could see his tent still standing strong. Almost as if he wanted to tease me with it. And dammit...I LOOKED! Hey! I'm gay, I'm a teenager, and he's cute! So sue me! He caught me peeking every single time, and it was so satisfying to him to know that I was at least a LITTLE bit curious, that he was smiling from ear to ear. The goofy grin caused me to feel silly about the whole thing, and I heard a slight giggle escape my lips too. God, he's strange. But...I suppose it WAS kinda funny. Then, once he finished changing and was getting ready to walk outside, he said, "Seeya outside, cutie!" Then he GOOSED me! I felt him palm my ass through my shorts, and squeeze tightly with his fingers. A whole handfu of shameless ass grabbing pleasure, his fingers reaching far enough underneath that his ring and pinky fingers almost touched the back of my balls! I nearly banged my head on the lockers!
"CHRIS!!!" I yelled!
"Shhhh...public locker room, dude!" He giggled, and he disappeared around the corner. Was I just....sexually harrassed? I shudder to think what he'd do to me if we were at home alone!
Later on, after school, I was kinda expecting to hear Tanner get a big kick out of the whole thing and laugh his ass off at my expense. In fact, I was sort of looking forward to it. But it seems that his mom and dad sent a car for him and he had to join them somewhere for dinner after school. Still, he made sure to make his driver wait until I came out so he could tell me what was up and say he'd talk to me soon. And to definitely remind me about Wednesday...as though I could ever forget. And he took off, with me feeling a bit sad about being deprived of a few of the cherished moments that we shared together on the way home every day. Sigh...but I didn't want to be too silly about it. Especially now that I know what it looks like from the 'outside', thanks to Chris.
It was a long, quiet, bus ride home that made me glad to be home. I walked in through the front door of the house, and picked up the mail as I headed to the kitchen for a snack. Peanut butter and crackers would be more than enough this time around. Besides, my mom didn't go grocery shopping until Saturday and my little stash of junk treats were already at an all time low. My mom was picking up extra shifts at work, and with the car messing up, she had to leave extra early to catch the bus. So I was going to be on my own for a while. I sat down with a knife, the peanut butter jar, and a roll of Ritz crackers, and turned on some afternoon cartoons while sitting back on the couch. I looked back down at the mail on the coffee table, and noticed that we seemed to have quite the 'colorful' bouquet this month. Bill collectors seem to think that making your mail different colors will grab your attention and make you take notice of the fact that you're so many weeks behind. Not only that, but their logic is...'if they can't pay THIS amount of money, we'll just charge them a late fee!' Hellooooo? If we can't pay 50 bucks, what the hell makes them think that we can pay 75? Bill collectors.....psh! They're all basically muggers without masks, robbing us all by mail everyday. They're hitting us up pretty hard this month too, by the looks of it. Yellow notices are ok, but the red ones tend to worry my mom something awful. She's already been pretty stressed lately, I hope this doesn't make things worse.
The phone rang a few moments later, and I picked it up to hear Chris' voice on the other end of the line....naturally. "Sigh....Chris..."
"No wait! Before you start in on me, I just wanted to say I was sorry for what I did earlier. In the locker room, I mean. Your butt was just right there, looking all sweet and..." He stopped himself from going into more details. "...Well, I had been dreaming about it a lot. I just really wanted to...'feel you up'." He laughed a bit to himself over it. "I was out of line though. I'm sorry. K?" He said hopefully.
Grrrr...JUST when I get the nerve to tell him to leave me the hell alone, he goes and does something sweet enough to keep me from strangling the shit out of him! "....It's...it's ok man. Just..DON'T make a habit out of doing that."
"You know you liked it." He grinned.
"Sure, being molested in a locker room is loads of fun."
"Hehehe, it is for ME." Then, I heard his voice soften a bit, and he gently cleared his throat. "It doesn't bother you much....that I told you how I feel. Does it?"
I always found myself having to be careful with my words around him. Whenever he got like this, he just seemed so fragile. As though the wrong pairing of words would cause him to break in half. "Um...no. I mean...I'm surprised and all. But...I guess it's ok."
"Good. Because...I think I love you even more since I told you this morning." He said breathlessly. "Don't take this the wrong way, Derek...but this is all kind of scary for me right now."
Scary for HIM??? "Yeah...I guess I can understand."
"I...I DID mean it though. I guess it just doesn't help, you know, telling you all the time. You just...you make me feel really good, Derrick. You make me feel so in love. It's awesome and I wanted to let you know how beautiful you are to me. I know you don't like me like that, but it hasn't changed anything. And it's such a release to be able to tell you about it. I hope that makes some kind of weird sense." He's got me listening and trying to excuse his every offense! And it's working! You know...NONE of this is really fair!
"Thanks Chris...you're really a good guy. Although a bit of a freaky one. And someday you're going to make some boy very happy."
"Well...to be honest...you'd be my first."
I paused for a moment, "Your first 'what'?"
"Boy..." He said bashfully. I could almost hear him blushing over the phone. "I never thought about another boy before you came along. It kinda confused me at first...but now I think I kinda like it?" He smiled.
"Are...are you saying that you were never gay before you met me?"
"WHOAH!" He said, as if in shock. "Who said anything about being GAY?"
"But...but I thought.."
"Nobody said the 'G' word, dude! I like you, love you, wanna have LOTS of sex with you...but GAY? I don't know if I would go THAT far! I mean, it's not like I'm ogling the male underwear models in the Sears catalog here."
"Wait...I'm a bit confused here, Chris."
"Well...that makes TWO of us. But don't go fitting me for a pair of pink panties and a rainbow tshirt just yet. I don't want you to think that I'm looking at all boys in general, because I'm NOT. Ok? JUST....just you." He stopped, then started again, in a sweeter tone, "Because....you're...you know...'special' to me." There was that silent 'blush' again, and he got nervous. "Um...look, I've gotta go. This is getting stupid. I'll talk to you later, ok?"
"Um...ok...goodnight, Chris." I said, a hundred times more lost about his feelings than I was before. Maybe they just weren't my feelings to understand. I waited for him to go, but he held onto the line for a while longer. Just listening to me breathe. "Chris?"
"Look...uhh...can you hang up first? Because...I don't think I can."
I couldn't help but giggle a little bit to myself. My God...underneath that super hardcore jock exterior, there was really an incredibly sweet and sensitive little boy trying to express himself. Who would have thought it possible? CERTAINLY not me! "Hehehe...ok. Goodnight, Chris!"
"I love your laugh, Derrick. It's so cute. Hehehe! Just like the rest of you. G'night, ok?" And I hung up, but not before hearing him mumble, "...love you." I put the phone down and the conversation lingered in my mind for a few minutes longer. The strange thing was I wasn't neccessarily disgusted by Chris' advances on me anymore. In fact, I was kinda flattered. I caught myself actually smiling because of it. Hehehe STOP THAT! Honestly, this whole thing is becoming extremely bizzare!
I woke up to a surprising silence the next morning. Even after hitting the snooze button two or three times, I was spared the typical morning invasion. When my mom goes to work as early as she did the day before, I usually hear her coming home late at night before going to sleep. But not last night. She must have worked a double shift or something. They must have had an emergency at the diner that would cause her to work for somebody else. She almost never comes home that late. That must be why she didn't barge into my room that morning with trumpets blazing. When I got out of bed, I walked by her room and heard her snoring quietly in her sleep. She was laying on top of the covers, one shoe off, in full uniform....just snoozing away. She must have been REALLY exhausted to have slept in her uniform, clear through to the next morning. I didn't want to wake her up, so I let her sleep and tip-toed around the house until it was time for me to leave. She must have really been out of it, because she didn't wake up once to see if I was ready for school. I wasn't neccessarily 'worried' about it, but it was a missing part of my daily routine. I guess it just felt out of place somehow. I left a note on the fridge to make sure she remembered that I was going to Tanner's after school, and made my way out to the bus stop.
Tanner and I talked all the way to school about his night out the day before. It seems his parents were just trying to play the 'happy family' role that night, and Tanner was a key part to the whole performance. You know, sometimes his parents didn't seem like parents at all. They were more like teachers, or a boss from work, but not parents. Not from my point of view anyway. But I kept my mouth shut, because I suppose that in some odd way, Tanner loved them. Afterall, he had never been exposed to anything else and neither had most of the kids at our school. Why should he see anything strange about their apparent disconnected affection? By the way he talked about them, I knew that he loved them, I just don't think he liked them all that much. Or even KNEW them that well, for that matter. With all the nitpicking and nagging that my mom puts me through almost every day, I can't imagine my life without her there. Without her surveilance of my actions and mistakes, without her occassional hugs or corny stories about life when she was my age. Or without her almost daily pearl of wisdom that she'd impart on me in the most unexpected moments of our conversations. I don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without her, and while Tanner seemed to have turned out just fine...I wouldn't trade places with his situation. I guess the whole thing made me appreciate the amount of love that my mom gave me. I don't want to compare the two situations, my mom and Tanner's parents, I guess they're just two different worlds. And we exploit the best parts of both. It's our job as a kid.
Tanner went looking through his bag to make sure he had his homework for his Social Sciences class, and as he was distracted, I looked over at him to briefly admire that gentle beauty that came to him so naturally. Sigh...you know, from the side his lips look sooooo kissable that it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to bear! And his hair always flopped forward a bit to hide his eyes when his head was down. Everytime those beautiful light brown locks did that...I imagined them sweeping tenderly back and forth across my lap as he wrapped his smooth and tight lips around my erection, rhythmically suckling at me until I couldn't hold back anymore. And I'd run my fingers through it, feeling it's soft fibers fall through my fingertips over and over again, letting my fingers wander all the way to the back of his soft neck, tickling the fine hairs back there. Oh WOW!!! I can't WAIT until school is over today!
Just then, Tanner said..."I can't find it! Ah shit...I probably left it on the desk at home." Then he looked at me, and after a second or two, he blushed "Hehehe..."
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing....goofball." SEE? I TOLD you! He catches me everytime! And did you know that his eyes sparkle when he laughs? Isn't that COOL? Hehehe!
We went into school for our quick half day, and Tanner and I agreed on when and where to meet afterwards so we could meet up. Then as he walked away, I almost expected to turn around and run into Chris right away. But...surprisingly, he was nowhere to be seen. I didn't know if I should be relieved or frightened about that. I kept walking to my first class, a strange feeling of paranoia keeping me looking over my shoulder for Chris to jump out like the boogie man and molest me some more. But when he didn't, I was kinda dissappointed. Geez...did I...MISS him? Okaaaay...WAY WEIRD! He's turning ME into a basket case now too. It gave me something to think about up until gym class, my last class of the half day. And seeing him there actually brought a smile to my face.
"Hey!" I said happily. But Chris was even more nervous than he was yesterday. Not only that, but he was dressed already. He usually waits until I'm there and starts swinging that blessed love pole around without shame. This was a different tactic altogether.
"...hey..." He whispered under his breath, visibly shivering in front of me and keeping his eyes focused, once again, on the floor. This time, it was ME who was left waiting for him to say something more. But he just stalled around a bit, fumbling around with something in his locker.
"Are you ok?" I asked.
"...Sure...I...yeah...fine..." He stuttered.
"You sure? You seem kinda..."
"I bought you something!" He blurted out. Then cringed a bit at the thought of giving in to yet another moment of sudden weakness. "I'm sorry...that sounded dumb, didn't it?"
"Chris...you don't have to buy me anything dude..."
"I know. Really...I know. But...I wanted to." He said, and he pulled a small box out of his locker and gave it to me. I opened it up, and he started fidgeting almost instantly. "It's not much, I know. And it didn't really cost a whole lot, but I thought it would be cool. And I TOTALLY understand if you don't like it! It didn't take long to make, and you can just give it back if you want to." I looked inside, and it was a friendship bracelet. Hand made, with my initials woven into it. I was...actually impressed. I guess I had taken too long to respond, because Chris got even MORE uncomfortable and was almost ready to snatch the box away from me. "You HATE it! I KNEW you'd hate it! Dude, forget it, ok? This was all so stupid of me. I can't believe I would give you something so crappy. This has gotta be one of the stupidest things I've ever..."
"CHRIS! Dude...calm down." I smiled. "I like it."
He stopped for a moment, almost as if he didn't want to believe it. "You...you like it?"
"I LOVE it." I said. And it was true. I would have expected him to buy me a house in Jamaica before something as thoughtful as this. "Wow...I don't know what to say, Chris. Thank you. This is so sweet of you." I replied, trying to put it on my wrist.
"You...you like it. You actually like it." He giggled a little bit. "Hehehe...cool."
I looked up at him, and his green eyes bashfully flashed away from me to the side. Trying to make it look like he wasn't staring. It was actually kinda.....'charming'. "Chris? Did you make this? For me?"
He blushed. "Uhhh....well....hehehe..."
"Omigod...you did, didn't you?" I said. "Wow. How long did this take you?"
"Four days." He snickered. "I've got six more at home just like it, cause I kept messing up. I'm not...really good with this kind of stuff. I had to get our housekeeper to help me do it right. But it was mostly ME though, promise."
"Well, it's very sweet. Thank you." I said, and laid it loosely over my arm.
Chris saw me having a bit of difficulty putting the bracelet on, and he jumped over to say, "Here...let me help you." Chris' hands were trembling slightly as he fastened the little latch at the bottom, and when it was on my wrist, he didn't let go. His breathing changed, and I felt his fingers slightly trace a small single circle on the skin of my wrist. So gentle, so lightly, that I almost didn't feel it at all. But his fear of what he was doing didn't allow him to apply any more pressure than that. Then, he lifted my hand and placed the most delicate kiss on my knuckles before nervously letting it drop, still holding onto my fingers tenderly. That was it for him. Chris was lost in a moment that he couldn't control with all the money in the world, possibly for the first time in his life. He held on to my arm for a few more awkward seconds, not wanting to ever let go, and he looked up into my eyes. He almost looked teary eyed, and he whispered timidly..."Your...uh...your hair...it's in your eyes again..." He almost reached up to touch it with his hand, to brush it back and see the blue treasures underneath, but I knew what that usually led to. And I couldn't have THAT happen again. Just then, a couple of boys came into the locker room and were making a bit of a ruckus on the other side of the lockers, bringing him back to reality. Chris snapped out of it and let go of my hand. "I'm glad you like it. The bracelet, I mean." He said.
"Whatever. I've gotta go." He said, and he quickly took his stuff and walked away. Almost like he was pouting to himself in misery. I have to admit, I felt kinda bad for him. I mean, Chris had some rough edges that definitely needed smoothing out, but anyone willing to be so...adorable about his feelings should be hooked up with someone worthy of him. He'd definitely make one hell of a boyfriend for someone. Cute, sweet, funny...mostly because of his clumsiness when it came to most things of a 'sensitive' nature, and hey...he's RICH! Hehehe, can't beat that! Still, I wish he wasn't so torn up over this whole thing. I mean, I never meant to 'tease' him or anything. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the gift? I hope I didn't just make things worse for him. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things play out in the end.
After the mid day bell rang, Tanner and I met outside the school library and walked to the bus stop together, his arm over my shoulder in a 'friendly' way. Still, it meant SO much to me. Any contact with him at all was a religious experience. And I was sure to be getting plenty of contact over the next few hours, that's for sure. We got on the bus, and we were both literally bouncing in our seats with anticipation for being able to spend some more time alone again. He was so beautiful...it was such a struggle to keep from kissing him on that bus. It was just one of those days when his hair was just the right length, his body was in just the right shape, and his clothes accentuated his every slim curve and corner to a tee. I couldn't wait to be blessed with the taste of him once again. Mmmmm...such a mouthwatering, addictive taste. Jesus! Can't this bus go any faster?
"What's that?" He asked while I was lost in thought.
"What do you mean?"
"On your wrist. Who gave you that?"
"Ohh...hehehe! Chris did, believe it or not. Isn't it sweet?" I chuckled.
Tanner's mouth opened a bit, his eyebrows raised in the most adorable way. "Are you SERIOUS? Hehehe! Accepting 'gifts' now, are we?" He asked.
"I couldn't help it. He was being so cute about it. I couldn't exactly break his heart and tell him no."
"You're such a whore!" He giggled.
"Shut up! Like YOU wouldn't have taken it too!"
"Nah...I would have held out for a diamond watch!"
"NOW who's the whore!" I said, and we goofed off for the rest of the ride to his house. Good thing too, because I doubt that I was going to be able to restrain myself from taking him right there on the bus if I didn't have something to keep my mind busy.
We got off at the stop near his house, and practically raced to speed to his front door. Laughing all the way and trying to pull each other's shirts in order to slow our opponent down and pass him. He fumbled with his key for a bit, opened it up and as soon as he closed it, he pulled me close to him and kissed me. I felt my arms instinctively go up around his neck, and he broke away from the kiss with a slight smacking noise. "Dude...I have been waiting to do that since...since..."
"Since the LAST time we did that!" I giggled.
"Hehehe...yeah." He pulled away from me and took me by the hand to guide me downstairs. "So what movie do you feel like watching? We've got plenty."
"I'm not going to see much of the movie anyway." I smiled.
"Well...which one do you feel like NOT watching then?" Awwww, why is he teasing me? We can hang out AFTER! Right now, I was salivating at the idea of being alone with my scrumptious boyfriend and anxious to suck on him until my lips hurt!
"Baby...come on. We can do that later." I said, already feeling my harndess straining at the front of my pants while I held his slim waist in my hands, rubbing up and down his sides.
"God, LOOK at you! Whatever happened to the fine art of foreplay?"
"Seeing you everyday IS the foreplay!"
"Hehehe...good point." He giggled, but he slipped away from my grasping arms, and went over to the bar in the corner of the basement. "How about I make us some rootbeer floats? I think we've got enough ice cream back here for two more."
"Sounds good. I'll eat whatever you give me." I grinned wickedly and he smiled back at me.
"Stop...I'm trying to be a good host here." But the only thing cuter than seeing Tanner laugh, was seeing him trying to STOP himself from laughing, and that only turned me on more. I watched as he leaned over to grab the ice cream out of the small fridge on the floor, and my eyes were suddenly glued to his ripe young melons. So perfectly round that they almost looked artificial. Like the kind of pert, bubbled cheeks that erotic artists would draw when creating the boy of their dreams on paper. I sighed to myself, and couldn't help but rub myself in the front at the seductive way that his cheeks pushed out the back of his pants. The fabric stretching slightly and showing off the seductive shape of what lie beneath it. The material falling tenderly into the crease of his teen butt...it was hard to keep from swooning. Enough is enough. I felt myself rising to my feet and walking behind the bar where he was, and when he stood up again, I was standing behind him. He looked around and said in a soft voice, "Hey there..." But I didn't reply. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his slim hips from behnd and buried my nose in the sweet shampoo scented glory of his hair. I ran my hands in wide circles over his chest, and moaned out loud as my hardness pressed itself against the cushions that I was so focused on moments earlier. Those soft, warm, tastey globes...that seemed to embrace my stiff member lovingly as I grinded into it. I felt him push back, and I nearly lost my balance as my knees went weak. I moved my lips downward to kiss the side of Tanner's delicious neck, and he leaned forward slightly to put his arms on the bar top to steady himself. He moaned out loud, and I then lowered my hands to go up under his shirt, lifting it up to his nipples as my hands went back to their circular motion. Then I licked tenderly at his earlobe as my hands went down to massage the hard tent sticking out in front of him. I could feel his stomach tighten as my hands snaked their way into his pants. It was a tight fit under his belt, But I was determined to enter the warmth of his erotic areas. Gripping, holding, grabbing, squeezing, rubbing...my fingers massaged him all over down there, and it made him push back against me for more. Moaning...sighing...gasping. We were so lost in the feelings running through our young bodies, that we hardly felt in control anymore.
"Mmmmmm....yeah...ahhhh..." Tanner was now whimpering and it felt soooo good to make him feel so sexy. He pushed back harder on my erection, in small circular motions with his hips, and that made me kiss his neck with wild passionate pecks. Followed by a few long sucks at his smooth flesh. I began unbuckling his belt, and he whimpered again. Such a cute sound. It danced in my ears and only made me work harder to please him. "Here...I got it.." He whispered, and he hurriedly opened his belt, button, and zipper, for me to reach into fully. I rubbed the sides of his hips to slowly lower his pants until they fell to the floor, and grabbed at his member through his underwear, holding it in a tight grip. I felt as Tanner began pushing himself into my hand, a small wet spot forming underneath my fingers as his excitement spilled over onto my fingertips. Then I reached inside his briefs until they too came to rest down at his ankles. "Ohhhh God..." I grabbed a hold of his length, and had only given it a few loving strokes before he turned around and kissed me full on the lips. His hands were all over me, and soon we were both entangled in each other's hair, our fingers kneading the scalp and loving the texture of the soft hair that only a teenage boy can have. Our kissing was becoming more passionate by the second, and as soon as I began placing sweet kisses on Tanner's neck, slowly moving downward, he sighed out loud. Waiting for the ultimate pleasure that I was ready to give him. I lifted his shirt again, letting my tongue lick small circles around each of his erect nipples, and then I kissed my way down to his tight little tummy, pausing at his navel to lick lovingly inside. He leaned back against the small sink, and spread his legs wide...his hardness pulsing wildly in anticipation. Then, I took a hold of his love and jacked it painfully slow as Tanner wiggled in excitement. He then looked down at me, with loving eyes, and smiled seductively as I gave the head a slow sensual kiss.
I smiled and closed my eyes as I gave his six inches one long wet lick from the base to the tip. Letting my tongue feel out every inch by instinct, and reveling in the shiver that enveloped Tanner's body from head to toe. He tasted even better than I remembered. I couldn't wait any longer, and I took the head in my mouth, licking at the tip and making Tanner close his eyes and toss his head back, pushing his hips forward involuntarily. I held my head still as he buried the length of his stiffness into my warm sucking mouth in one long...slow...sensual...push. It all slid in so easily, and I felt my tongue press it hard against the roof of my mouth, trying to hold onto it as he slowly pulled out again. He withdrew all the way from my lips with a 'pop', and I saw his hardness flop upwards like a diving board. He looked lovingly down at me for a moment, his hands in my hair, and saw the hunger in my eyes. He pushed his hips forward, and I opened up to accept him, his flavor filling my senses all over again. With another soft puppy-like whimper...Tanner began pumping in and out of my mouth. I let my hands wander up the insides of his legs, rubbing his thighs and twirling a few of his golden brown pubic hairs. Occassionaly, a sucking noise would escape my lips, and we would both moan in unison with every sound. My hands then traveled around to grasp the tender ass cheeks and squeeze them as I pulled him further into my face. I wanted to taste all of him, to lick at his soft nuggets, to kiss the insides of his thighs, to connect my lips to his in the most passionate way that I knew how...but the taste of that velvety hardness in my mouth kept me begging for more. Unable to leave it for ANY reason.
Tanner's legs were getting weak from my administrations, and he whispered breathlessly, "Wait...mmm...hold on a sec." I regretfully let his erection slip out of my mouth, the erotic candied juces of my beautiful boyfriend still puddled on the tip of my tongue. And he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips before rubbing my cheek and saying, "Let me get on the floor and get comfortable. Back up a little." I did as he asked, and he laid down on his back. He kept his shirt on, but kicked his pants off of one of his ankles, spreading his legs wide to invite me to continue. Without another word, I got on all fours and slid my face between his legs to eagerly suck him back into my warmth, the throbbing erection aching to be surrounded by the moist heat again. And I doubled the amount of suction, my mouth watering so much that it felt as though I was swallowing buckets of saliva, seasoned with the taste of the most incredible boy on Earth. And having his smooth warm thighs on either side of my head, rubbing against my cheeks as he lifted his sweet buns off of the floor, only made things better. I was almost ready to lose it myself without a single touch. I laid down on my stomach and he sunk deeper into my mouth. I couldn't help but lay down and grind into the floor behind the bar in an attempt to relieve some of my own built up tension. All the time, running my hands up and down Tanner's sides, and preparing myself for his inevitable explosion.
We were both REALLY getting into it, literally on the edge of a shared orgasm, when we heard voices! Then we heard footsteps coming down into the basement!!! "SHIT!" Tanner whispered loudly, and pulled me off of him quickly, his hardness still pink, wet, and twitching, from being so stimulated! I got up and checked to make sure that I still had all of my clothes on, and wiped the wet shiny ring from around my mouth from drooling over Tanner's length. But Tanner couldn't get his pants on in time. As I tried to run and head for the couch to make it look like we were just 'hanging out', he grabbed me by the shoulder. "No no no! um....HIDE!" He said, and pushed me back down to my knees. As the footsteps got closer, he got down with me and we both hid behind the bar. The footsteps finally reached the basement, and we could hear the voices more clearly. It was Tanner's mom and some other lady! Shit! Shit shit SHIT!!!
"And this is the basement. It sort of acts as a parlor for my husband mostly, with the pool table and big screen tv. And Tanner uses it when he has guests over once in a while. It's a bit too dingy down here for me, though. I like sunlight." She said, obviously giving a short tour of the house. Then, the two of them came over, and SAT AT THE BAR! They were just on the other side while her SON was laying on the floor with a hard on and NO pants, along with his secret boy lover! This was NOT good!
"It truly is a beautiful piece of property, Katherine. I'm impressed." The other lady said.
"It's pretty small, but it's home." Pretty SMALL? Was this lady for REAL? This place was almost a palace compared to my scrappy little habitat.
I saw Tanner very quietly trying to get his underwear and pants over his shoes, scared that they'd hear him if he moved too much. Let me tell you, I almost wanted to dive right back in once I saw him lifting his legs to go back into his pants. His hardness exposed, his balls hanging low, and looking so cute with their soft little wrinkles, and his rosebud almost coming into view...but not quite. Mmmm...I could still taste him.
"Did you hear something?" His mom said. Fuck! Tanner stopped, his nakedness from the waste down still showing, and both of our eyes widened.
"No. Not me." The other lady replied.
"Ah well..." His mom left it alone, and we both breathed a sigh of relief. "So...as I was telling you upstairs, I'm thinking of redecorating one of the master bedrooms upstairs. And would you believe it, but Cheryl wants to be the one to do it? I mean...please. The woman has the fashion sense of a hobo."
"Oh my, how terrible. What are you going to do?"
"Well I'm not going to let her do it. That's for sure. She can hardly dress herself, much less decorate a house. Did you see what she was wearing to our last party?"
"Oh God, it was hideous! But I must admit that it matched her husband's toupee." The other lady joked. And they both laughed a bit about it. So did Tanner and I, trying to hold back the giggles as these two women of 'high society' gossiped like two high school girls in the ladies' bathroom after lunch.
"You are absolutely wicked, Claire!" His mom giggled, and they continued to talk on and on about this person and that one. All the time, Tanner and me were holding in the laughs. Mostly because these were the parents of the very same people we went to school with. These ladies could be downright VICIOUS when they wanted to be. Then...Tanner's mom said something that caused our laughs to stop immediately. "Why don't I go back behind the bar and make you a martini?" NOOOOOO!!!!
"Oh, Katherine! I shouldn't." The other lady said.
"It's no trouble. I'm making one for me, you might as well have one too. I make it a point to never drink alone when I can always con someone else into joining me." She got up from her seat, and we KNEW that we'd be busted! Not only that, but Tanner still had his pants around his ankles! There was no WAY for us to explain what we were doing down there without giving each other away! And no way for him to get dressed before she came back there! What NOW???
Tanner let his wheels turn for a few seconds, and then gave me the signal to 'stay down'. That's when he suddenly popped up to his feet, pants still shackled loosely around his ankles, and shouted "HI MOM!!!" really loud! I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.
"OH DEAR!" She screamed, scared half to death by Tanner's sudden arrival. The other lady grasped her heart and laughed a bit nervously as her senses came back to her. "TANNER!!! What on EARTH are you doing back there! And why the devil did you SCARE us like that?" His mom yelled, still unable to catch her breath. I couldn't help but let a few snickers escape as I tried to contain myself. MORE than amused at Tanner's improvised plan of action. God....he's so adorable when he wants to be! I put my hand over my mouth and remained hidden on the floor, hopefully out of his mom's sight. I looked up to see Tanner standing next to me, still completely naked from the waist down, and still hard and pulsing not far from my face. He leaned forward enough to greet the two ladies, so his nudity was hidden by the height of the bar top. Thank goodness. Oh man....his mother had NO idea what kind of sexy visuals I was taking in as he smiled at her from behind the bar.
"Sorry, just playing a little joke. That's all." Tanner said with a flawless grin.
"A JOKE? You almost gave me a heart attack!" His mother said, returning to her seat. "I swear, this boy is going to be the death of me, Claire."
"Oh, not THIS boy. He's much too sweet for that. And such a cutie too, my word. I'll have to come by more often, Tanner." I could almost hear the smile in the other lady's voice. Was that, like, a compliment? Or was she hitting on my boyfriend?
"Thanks, ma'am." Tanner said sweetly, and he used his foot to nudge me under the bar a bit further. "So...you gals wanted a drink?" He asked politely.
"What do you know about drinks, little boy?" The other lady asked, even more of a flirtatious tone sneaking into her voice. This lady was, what? Like TWENTY years older than him? What the hell? She's lucky I don't get up and claim him right in front of her face.
"I know a few things. Two martinis, right? No problem." Tanner moved around a bit and grabbed some stuff from behind the bar, mixing up the ingredients in a metallic shaker filled with ice. And I was still down on the floor, looking up at his 'still hard' erection as he kept their attention from thinking to look behind the bar. I wanted to lick and suck on it so bad. My mouth was literally watering for it, and I had to restrain myself from reaching out to touch it. I had to be careful though. This was hardly the time to be 'naughty'. We could be caught here, and that would be a problem we weren't ready to deal with just yet.
Just then... as I saw him move to the side to grab some martini glasses, his hard member sticking out and slightly upwards, Tanner accidently knocked a small stack of shot glasses into the sink at his waist. Seeing his manhood hit those glasses and cause them to tip nearly made me give us away! There was a slight crash, and I almost burst out laughing right away! I had to literally hold my breath to keep the hysterics from pouring out of me! I hope they didn't realize that both of his hands were on the counter at the time of the accident! I let out another little snicker, and he kicked me!
"What was that?" His mom asked, and Tanner giggled himself, trying to cover it up...but laughing at his mistake just as hard as I was.
"Hehehe...nothing." He said, blushing slightly, and covering his face with his hand for a second. I then felt him raise his foot a bit, and softly rub the spot he kicked me with it. Damn...the SECOND these two leave the room, I'm gonna give this boy the time of his LIFE!
"Nothing?" His mother asked.
"No...sorry............Hehehehehe!" He kept giggling. He couldn't stop.
"Well then why are you laughing?"
"I'm just...I'm happy. That's all." He said, and he gave me another kick for almost blowing his cover by just being there. Then he shook up the tin and poured the two drinks for the ladies at the bar. "Taste it." They did as he asked, and there was a moment of silence while they sipped his special concoction. "What do ya think?"
"I think you know way too much about pouring drinks, young man." His mother said.
"Tastes good to me. Who taught you how to mix martinis anyway?" Claire asked.
"My cousin Jackie, actually. She taught me how to make it just right."
That's when his mother leaned over and whispered, with concern, "THAT'S the one I told you about. You know...the bisexual."
"Ohhhhhh...." The other lady replied.
"'Mom', nothing. I told you, Tanner, I want you to steer clear of her. She's not a good influence. The way she flaunts it, my heavens, it's SICK! You'd think she LIKED being...'that way'."
"Jackie's my friend, mom." Tanner tried, but it was obviously a lost cause. And he wasn't one to really go overoard when it came to challenging his parents.
"Friend or not, I want you to stay away from her. That kind can only bring you trouble." Then...his mother took things a bit further. And I really wished she hadn't. Because it was a really fun day for us before she crossed that line. "And while we're on the subject...I want you to stay away from what's his name too."
"YOU know what I'm talking about? That boy from over in the slums or wherever he's from. The one from school. Don't think I don't know about you going over there from time to time." She said, her words pouring into my ears like battery acid. Suddenly, this predicament wasn't so funny anymore. And I felt my heart suddenly cover itself in ice as her words cut in to me.
"It's NOT a slum, mother. And Derrick is my best friend in the world."
"I don't CARE if he has the fanciest house on 'skid row'. I'm not paying good money for you to just throw your life away running around with some kid who will probably get you involved in all sorts of bad things. Drugs, gangs, guns...all KINDS of wickedness festers in that neighborhood..."
"Mom...enough. Ok?" Tanner tried his best to shut her up, but in my mind, the damage had already been done.
"He's trashy. I don't even know what he did to get into that school, but parents should be warned about this kind of element being around our children. Affecting their futures..."
"Can you STOP? Please?" Tanner said with a bit more firmness. "I don't like i when you talk about him like that. I spend time with him because he's a good person and because I like being around him."
"Jesus...you're not giving him MONEY? Are you? You know, those people are just like stray dogs. If you give them some scraps once, they'll just keep coming back. Sooner or later you'll have to chase them away with a stick!" And she actually LAUGHED! Both his mom AND the other lady! Laughing...at MY situation. Laughing at the fact that my mom has to work to the point of EXHAUSTION just to survive while they sit at home and chuckle over martinis in their mansion. It was beyond insulting. I know that this wasn't Tanner's fault, and I know that he didn't feel the same way. He loved me for me, I was sure of that. He demonstrated that love every time he got a chance, and helped to make that stupid financial barrier between us disappear. But even though his love was stronger than it's ever been, that didn't protect my heart at all from the sudden battering it was getting from the so-called 'ladies' on the other side of the bar. I mean, is THIS what super rich people do all day? Just sit back and laugh at people who don't have all the fancy shit that THEY have? I mean, how SICK is that?
Tanner didn't even crack a smile, and tried to ignore the whole thing. I saw a pout come to his lips as he bit his tongue in frustration, giving me a quick look down on the floor. He was embarrassed for me. But kept up appearances...even though he knew that my heart was breaking. "One olive or two, mom?" He asked, the supressed humiliation coming out in his voice.
"Two will be fine, honey." He did as he was told, and the ladies eventually left to go back upstairs to enjoy their drinks. And probably make fun of someone starving to death in a third world country somewhere. I can't imagine someone not finding THAT funny. Right?
As soon as they went upstairs, Tanner reached down and pulled his pants back up to his waist. The humiliation of his mom's conversation returning his 'excitement' to being completely limp. "Is the coast clear?" I asked softly.
"Yeah...they're gone." He answered, trying to give me a sexy smile, but I could tell it was fake. He just had no idea what to say.
"Kewl...." There was a long pause, and it was then that I realized that I didn't know what to say either. I thought maybe a kiss from his sweet lips would revive my passion for the moment, so I moved closer, closed my eyes, and pressed my mouth against his with a firm but loving pressure. It was good...it was ALWAYS good. But to be totally honest...my heart just wasn't in it anymore. Not today. "You know...I should go..."
"NO...you shouldn't go! You should stay right here with me and be in love where you belong." I smiled to let him know that there were no hard feelings. But what can I say...it hurt. It really hurt and there was nothing that I could say to defend myself because for the most part...it was true. Even if she DID say it as mean and heartless as humanly possible. Still...Tanner did what he could to comfort me. "C'mon, we'll watch some tv, maybe snag some martinis for ourselves if you're feeling wicked...hehehe..." He could see that I wasn't buying it. "Derek...I love you, ok? SCREW her! It's just some silly role that she's playing to look good in front of her friends. That's all."
"Yeah, I know. It's ok, really. I just...I'm not feeling this today. I'll come back some other time soon." Tanner's frustration was visible, and he stared off to the side, feeling so bad for what had happened. "Hey..." I put my hand on his shoulder and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. "It's ok. I mean it. It's not your fault, k? Love you much."
"Yeah..." He mumbled. And he offered to have his driver take me home, but I told him I'd take the bus. He didn't try to stop me. So I left with a warm hug and went home alone. Sigh...this shouldn't bother me so much. I mean, I am who I am, it's not like I can change that. And what's WRONG with who I am anyway? NOTHING! I seem to get by just fine without shitloads of money or the pre-determined ideal of your average income heterosexual mallrat teenager with nothing on his mind but the release date of the new Brittney Spears album. So why does his family seem so blind to the fact that I'm a person just like anybody else? Why do they hate me soooo much?
Grrr...what am I worried about? Tanner loves me whether they like it or not. So fuck em! I didn't need them at all. I'm a good person, I have someone that truly loves me, and money can't buy any of that stuff anyway. But....if that's true...then why is the pain still there? And why is it eating me ALIVE like this?