Do you know that dream where you're being chased by a large, rabid dog, and no matter how fast you run, he keeps gaining on you? And then just as you're a few feet away from safety, he jumps and attacks you.
That's exactly how I felt sitting there, stunned as my father said that. I was running in my mind, but my legs refused to help me out. And my parents were the rabid dog, moving in for the kill.
I finally found my voice. "WHAT?"
"We want you to go live with your grandparents. Its the only way you wont be tempted to get other boys into trouble by making them gay." The look on his face spoke volumes about how much he actually believed that.
"You can't make me!" I screamed as my legs finally obeyed me and I ran
out the door, leaving it open.
I don't know how I made it, but somehow I found myself at Mrs Barrett's door. I banged my fists on the door for what seemed like hours before the door opened and a somewhat annoyed Mrs Barrett opened it. As soon as she saw I was bawling my eyes out, she softened a bit. She put her arms around me, and I let myself be led into her lounge room. Zeb was also there. When he saw me, his look became one of concern.
"What's wrong, Cameron?" I heard his voice, that beautiful voice that I would probably never hear again ask me.
"My...........Dad............ Knows." I managed to squeeze out between sobs.
"From the state of you, I don't imagine he took it well?"
"They want me to move in with my grandparents in Western Australia." I cried even harder when I thought about how far away that was from here.
"Why?" The confusionin Mrs Barrett's voice almost made me laugh, and I probably would have if I weren't so miserable.
"My parents are both from there. When they got married, they decided to move as far away from their parents as possible. And now they want to be as far away as possible from me." I had stopped crying now, but I could feel a new well forming behind my eyes waiting for the chance to leak out.
I didn't notice Mrs Barrett leave the room and head for her telephone.
Zeb came over and held me in his arms. I felt so warm and safe. I burst into tears again. He started rocking me back and forth, and I felt comforted by the movement. He rested his chin on my head and started humming. I wasn't too sure why, but I felt as if he were really trying to protect me from the unseen monsters that were threatening to come and take me away at the first opportunity. I felt my eyelids startong to get heavy. I wanted him to hold me all night.
Mrs Barrett walked back in the room. "I just rang your parents, and told them that you'll be staying the night. Your father wasn't too happy about it, but I told him that everyone involved here needs time, and that this was the best way to get it. You look tired, why don't you go and sleep in Zebs room?"
She and Zeb helped me up the stairs, and led me into his room. It was so great. It wasn't neat, by any stretch, but it wasn't a pigsty like my own was. It just reeked of attractiveness. I was led to the bed, and I felt hands undressing me. When they had me down to my underwear, they led me to the bed and puled the covers up over me like a protective blanket. And thats how I felt. Protected. I didn't even hear them leave the room and turn off the light.
I struggled with my father as he and Mum pushed me towards the gate. I was desperately trying to find a away out of getting put on that plane. I didn't think it would come.
"Wait!!!!!" I heard a voice yell. My parents stopped and I saw Zeb flying towards us.
"I wanted to say good bye." he said.
I was surprised that my paents didn't stop him when he hugged me. It was an odd sort of hug. I didn't feel any emotion connected to it at all. I heard him whisper in my ear.
"I thought you were never going to leave. I've felt like nothing but a whack-off object to you, and now I can go back to leading my normal, Cameronless free life. I hope someone finds you as somethign to jerk off to. Then you'll know how I feel." The iciness in his voice kept getting worse.
"But..." was all I managed.
I was then grabbed by the security gaurd and escorted to my plane. I saw my parents walk over to Zeb and put their arms around him and hug him. They all looked happy. I saw Zeb wave at me with a sly looking grin just as the doors to the plane were closed on me. From my seat, I could cleary see that all three of them were sitting in the restaurant eating a nice looking lunch as if nothing had happened. They had forgotten me already. They were laughing at a joke Zeb was telling. Then I saw them all turn to look at where I was, point at me and crack up laughing. I saw Zeb wink at me.....
I sat up like a pin had been thrust into my ass. I was sweating like a pig at a spit roast. I wasn't even aware of where I was right at that moment. Then I remembered what had happened earlier. I felt tears forming behind my eyes again. In order to stop myself, I looked around Zeb's room. I saw a clock on his table. It read 3:15 and I was surprised to see that Zeb was sleeping peacefully on the floor. It didn't look comfortable, but did appear to be. It really struck me as odd.
I lay there staring at him, realizing that I would probably never see him again when I was sent to the other side of the country. Tears formed at the back of my eyes. There was no escape. Oh sure, I was 18, and I was legally an adult, but when my parents had something set, I had no say in the matter. I was still thinking about this when sleep took hold of me once more, although this time, there was no dreams of gorgeous guys and my parents enjoying my misery.
I woke up later that morning and noticed that it was nearly midday. I crawled out of Zeb's bed and down to Mrs. Barrett's kitchen. She was humming to herself and doing the washing up. She heard me plop down at the table and she turned to me.
"Hi there, sleepy head," she smiled at me. I didn't feel the compulsion to return it.
She got me a glass of orange juice and a couple of slices of toast and I had them both finished in about thiry secinds flat.
I walked over to her and hugged her close. She held me and I felt safe. I felt...... loved.
"Thanks for this Mrs Barrett, I really appreciate what you did last night. I don't think things would have happened to well if I'd been at.....well, its not home anymore, but you know. I hate to eat and run, but I really have to go talk to someone. Where's Zeb so I can say goodbye?"
"He's out doing some shopping for me. Its ok, I'll give him your message." She led me towards the front door, and just as we got there, he gave me another hug.
"You can stay here tonight as well, if you want to. You're welcome to. you know that, don't you?"
I just smiled and thanked her and set out to find Ben. I needed to tell him what was going on.
I found Ben at a park around the corner from my parents house. It was weird, I didn't think of it as my huose anymore. I no longer lived there, and I never would again. I still felt that tug at my heart thinking I may never see my parents again. He was hitting a cricket ball against a wall and trying to hit it again, just like Don Bradman used to do when he was practising for sport.
"Hey Cam, how you been?" He sounded happy to see me.
I managed to feign a smile. "Busy." I said, honestly.
"Fair 'nuff." he continued with his exercise. A couple of times, he missed the ball and had to go pick it back up, but that didn't happen often. I knew that he would be able to go far with the game in the future.
I sat down and just watched him. He looked like he really took this seriously. I really hoped that I wouldn't put him off when I tell him my news.
He soon finished and he came and sat down opposite me. We talked for a while about everything and nothing like it was the old days. We must have been talking like that for at least an hour, and I was just starting to forget what had happened last night when he brought it up.
"So, whatcha been up to?"
I froze. I knew that I needed to tell him, but I just didn't know how. I decided to start slowly.
"Not much. I might be going to live with my grandparents."
Ben looked shocked. It looked like you could have knocked him over with a feather.
"My parents want me to."
"Why?" he repeated.
I knew it was now or never. If I didn't tell him, I'd be living a lie and I wouldn't be able to be happy. If I did tell him, he would probably not like it, but would get over it in time. i decided thats what I needed to do.
"Ben..... There's something I need to tell you."
He just looked at me expectantly. There was no anticipation, no hurry in his eyes. I knew things would be ok.
"I'm......" I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff.
Ben stared at me for a few seconds before standing up......
More to come? I think we know the answer to that one already...
How do you think Ben will react? You'll find out in Episode Four..... Coming soon (hopefully).
As I said before, Names are real, characters and events are not. The
only thing that actually
happened from this story was the dream I had and my reactions to it. I still can't figure out what the
hell I was holding during that dream, but I'd love to find out.
Anyway, usual stuff: comments welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Flames will be read then
discarded, genuine comments will get a reply as time permits me. If I don't get a chance to write to you, I apologise, I am grateful for all the support and I hope that I will be able to reply to all e-mails.