Date: Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:48:13 -0700 (PDT) From: Joseph Foster Subject: gay-high school- A Typical Day 3 A Typical Day Chapter 3 Cleaning Out The Closet Part 1-- Sister, Sister It was my first weekend staying with Evan and his mother, and I was going to get some answers, this all seemed too much like some gay fiction novel where some amazing parent swoops in to save the poor gay character from the oppression of his or her home life, and lord knows my life is not heading in the direction of a happy ending as of yet, I've got a long way to go. I drove my own car to be more econ-friendly or green as some people call it, me I more prefer to call it... not being stupid why make Evan drive 4 different times on the same trip... when I arrived at their house I was greeted by both of them with warm inviting hugs... Mrs. Clayton immediately took the edge off what I was going to ask, "I'll bet you've got yourself lots of questions huh...?" "Yeah you bet I do..." "Let's go in the house and we can talk." When we sat down in the kitchen Evan brought out some lemonade and we got to talking right off the bat. "Do you remember the day your mother found out about you?" "I seem to recall bits and pieces, not everything, but enough..." **Flashback** My mother is cleaning my room, to surprise me after I come home from my first day back at school, she picks up some papers, and starts sweeping out under the bed, when a black leatherbound book takes her in, she opens it, and the pages start out as innocent neat writings about simple things a kid writes about... "Today Billy Parker was mean to me, his mommy and my mommy talked about us, we are not to talk anymore..." Simple things of that sort, she flipped through it smiling at some of the poetry, but it was when she got to a page that was scribbled fiercely, so fiercely that the pages had indents and rips... "It happened again diary, but this time, it was worse, this time he did more, this time he... he.." there was tear stains on the page, "he put it in my butt, it hurt me very much I was crying I screamed for it to stop it didn't not for five minutes it felt like hours, it burns and hurts me to sit down, I don't know what that was but I never want it to happen again..." my mother was horrified she reread the paragraph and went to vomit in my bathroom When dad got home she showed it to him, and without the compassion she'd felt, he felt sick alright, sick that his son had engaged in homosexuality, to a bigot like him it didn't matter that it was forced, all that mattered to him was that if someone did that to me, I must have asked for it and then not been able to handle it, he was fuming, screaming, breaking things... this was eight months ago... I walked through the door, free from my first day of sophomore year, and you could've cut the tension with a knife, the first thing I remember was the slap to the face and my mother screaming at my father to let me explain... "Talk boy!" Dad yelled and threw my journal at me, I gulped, knowing there was only one entry in there that could have set him off like that, I cursed myself for not burning it the first time I saw it (we'll get back to that) I immediately started to cry, "mom, dad, I don't know how to s-say it..." "Out with it faggot... NOW!" dad yelled at me "When I was 10, Billy Parker, he molested me..." Billy Parker was a neighbor boy, he was sixteen at the time, we were hanging out with a bunch of kids of various ages ranging from 8-18 didn't matter in our neighborhood, he told me to follow him, I'd always idolized him, so I of course followed him at his request... we wound up in his 'house' in the woods, it was more like a pitiful attempt at a tree house that wasn't in a tree... "You know I was talking with some of the guys, and they've seen the way you look at me..." "What you mean, I look up to you, your like a older brother to me..." "Older brothers have to teach a little brothers about things, do you know what I mean Evan?" "No..." "Do you ever play with your pee pee?" "Sometimes..." "Well, when I play with mine, it gets warm and hard, and I can take care of it myself, but it works better if somebody helps you out..." "What?" "Put your mouth on this..." With that he unzipped his pants and pulled out a five inch hard penis, I didn't know what to say, or do... I just said.. "No, I think I should go home..." "If you don't help me out, I'm going to have to tell your parents, and you'll get in trouble..." I know now he would never have told them, because he'd get in much bigger trouble, but I didn't know that then You can pretty much guess what happened next, and would happen again and again until I turned 12 and it got even worse, as explained by the journal entry, about me not knowing about the entry I started seeing a therapist after I somewhat shut down to my friends and family, became what you'd call depressed, when I was about 15, I was flipping through my journal when I noticed a page that was scribbled and ripped a bit, like a crazy person had been in such a hurry to scrawl out something, I read the pages and what I read made me sick, had this really happened, could it really be, and at that moment all the memories of what Billy had done to me came racing back at full force, I didn't know why I'd forgotten, but after I went into this state my parents sent me to Dr. Ben Volkner a notable psychiatrist in the area I was in, I brought the journal... "It's completely normal for someone who's been through a trauma to compartmentalize, meaning you basically shut away these memories in a small compartment in your brain, however, when something, like this journal, which could have been unconsciously written by you at some point, sometimes that something triggers the memories, and when one is bombarded with such memories, the body's natural reaction is to shut down, it's a wonder you are so alert, you must be very strong indeed." I continued to see this shrink, three times a week, until school started again, for my sophomore year... **Present Day** "Wow... I didn't know it went that deep, all your parents said was that you were going to be sent off to a program here in Indiana, I told them we'd been planning to move here for a while, and I would be glad to sign on as your guardian and you could stay with me... They had no idea you were involved with my son, or they never would have allowed it, needless to say I switched the temporary guardianship papers, with permanent papers, and they signed away their rights, even after they read the papers, your dad also said here, this is so he won't burden you with college..." what he'd actually said, was here that kid is gonna need school, and I don't expect you to pay for college for our mistake of a child, so here... and he signed over a college fund, and some money, just like my father, always thinking about money "What kind of program were they going to send me to?" "A gay to straight camp, they were going to send you to a religious camp, that tries to turn gay boys straight... "Wow... and they really just gave me away to you..." "Yeah, and since then, I've been using that money to ensure there is funds in your account in case you need a book, or something for school.. "The school year is almost over, do you think I could spend the summer here?" "We'd be delighted." Mrs. Clayton said, she tells me time and time again to call her Maggie, but I can't bring myself to do it, I just can't After we talked Evan and I went to the park, and sat on the swings, all the best talks of my life always happen of the swings... "How come you never told me?" Evan asked "You mean about Billy Parker?" "Yeah, I always thought I was your first..." "You were baby, he wasn't my first anything, he forced me, but with you, I WANTED to be with you, and to MAKE LOVE to you..." "I guess I see now why you were so adamant to be on top..." "I've moved on, I've realized Billy Parker can't control my life forever..." "Is that why you sleep with every guy you meet?" Evan asked in a tone I didn't like "What?" "When I was on Facebook, I saw something that Chase kid posted, talking about how you and he have slept with so many of the same people, I thought you were being good, I thought it was just the two of them, I didn't know you were like Chase..." I was shocked, I hadn't seen this, "I am not like him, I do not sleep around..." "Really, because you slept with Braden and Noah, and then you came here and fucked me, how many others have there been, if Chase is claiming you've been with the same guys, and you've told me he hasn't been with Brad or Noah, who then?" "Okay, I'll spill... there was Mitch, Nate, and Mike also... "Wait Nate who?" "Nate Kelley..." "FROM THE LACROSSE TEAM!?" "I'm sorry, it was after you moved away, I was so distraught, I was vulnerable, and he comforted me, one thing led to another and he was on his back..." "So how many of them did you fuck? "All of them." "But from now on, no more bottom sluts, just me." "I promise you the only person who can bottom for me is you." "And I promise you the only person who can top me is you. To most I'm sure our vow seems stupid, but if his ass hasn't had anyone in it, and my dick hasn't had anyone on it, then it's something we've saved specifically for each other, which makes it our special thing. I enjoyed my weekend and I got a text on the drive home, "Hey, what's up?" I didn't recognize the number, "Hey, who's this?" "Oh sorry, your number is on Facebook, it's Gavin, you know me, remember the pens? :)" "Oh right, hey wassup?" ahh my grease monkey "Not much, just about to go riding, was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab a bite tonight..." "Sure, I'm driving right now, but I'll be home in about an hour, wanna meet up somewhere around 6?" "Yeah, how about Chill?" "Sounds good." I started to speed... THE DATE I got out of my car and standing next to a Suzuki motorcycle stood a very clean looking Gavin, sure some of that appeal he'd had in class was gone, but hey it just showed how truly beautiful he is "You know, I don't do this too often..." Gavin said as we met outside the restaurant "What's that?" "I don't usually dress outside my comfort zone..." "Um.. Gavin... you're in jeans and a button down..." "But I'm used to torn up jeans and a cut off shirt, makes it easier to work on my bikes and the cars..." "and you even took a bath..." "I scrubbed for you." "Aw. How thoughtful." We laughed and walked into the restaurant we were seated right away "So what brought this on, why'd you wanna meet up tonight?" "To be honest, I haven't stopped thinking about you since you gave me those pens, lame I know, but its the god honest truth, you were so funny, and so nice, and we've barely spoken before then, and I thought I should get to know you a little better." "I don't think that's lame, I think it's sweet." "Don't get mushy on me, I don't know if I can handle mushy..." "Just wait." I teased and we ordered our food, we talked lots and we learned we had a surprising amount of stuff in common, you wouldn't think a prep and a greaser would be so good together... think of Evan think of Evan.. "Wanna catch a movie?" he asked with a smile, his perfect teeth gleamed slightly with his blue eyes "Sure." We grabbed two tickets to who even cares, I was just excited to spend more time with him, we were learning a lot about one another, the movie was hilarious, and we laughed our asses off, he would find little ways to touch me, he even put his arm around me, that big muscled arm felt nice... think of Evan... We went for a walk, and we talked more, he was so easy to talk to, "Do you think we could go out again I had a lot of fun." he said "Yeah, me too, I'd really like to." "Cool, how about Friday?" "That sounds good." "Cool, well it was an honor to spend time with you." Gavin said with a trademark bright smile "The pleasure was all mine." I said and he hugged me, then kissed me on the cheek "Good night..." he said and walked over to his motorcycle it was then I realized we'd circled the block, and were back in front of the deserted restaurant, I was surprised... in a good way, he didn't expect anything, he didn't even try to kiss me, I felt alive again, which I hadn't felt so thoroughly pleased in a while, I got in my car and drove home and went to sleep ready for school the next day. JEALOUS MUCH? I was so pleased the next day I had an extra spring in my step, and I hadn't gotten laid, so it was an added bonus that I was just feeling good to feel good... Gavin pulled up in front of my house in a Jeep Wrangler as soon as I walked outside I saw him and he waved me over "I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not gay enough to show up to school riding on the same motorcycle..." "Not quite..." I said with a smile and we hopped in and he gunned it towards school "So, you decided you couldn't wait to spend some time with me till Friday?" I asked him grinning evilly "Sort of, and your car seems to be on its last leg, so I thought maybe you should let me take a look at it... after school.... say today?" "Probably a good idea, wouldn't want the deathtrap to finally kill me..." We had a small laugh, and he moved to hold my hand, which I allowed "I hope you weren't offended last night..." He said suddenly "Um... why would I be?" "It's not that I didn't want to kiss you, but I was raised that you do nothing more than simplicities and pleasantries on a first date." "Vin... come on, you didn't offend me, I was actually flattered... but..." "But what?" he asked with a small look of discomfort "They say the first kiss tells you everything you'll need to know about a relationship... so I guess we'll find out about that whenever it's appropriate to kiss." I said with a smirk "That we will, I'm a third date kisser, call me traditional, but I think there should be real emotion behind a first kiss, not just an infatuation with someone you don't know." "And your parents, they know you're gay?" "I told them when I was like ten, they were surprised I was so sure so young, but the fact that I've only dated boys they've been very supportive, and don't worry, they aren't the pressuring kind that will demand to meet you right away, only when you are comfortable, and if we've decided we are going to be together." This guy seems too good to be true, rugged, handy, gorgeous, and with supportive sideline parents... why didn't I have that life... We arrived at school five minutes later and we walked together until we had to go our separate ways for class I shared my first class with Noah and Chase, one of whom I was on my way to actually liking... "Hayden." Chase acknowledged with a yawn and nod while Noah ignored me completely "Noah?" I started "Yes?" "Could you switch seats with Chase?" I asked him and his eyes darted to Chase, who's eyes darted to me, both of whom eyed each other "Sure..." he said and they switched Chase plopped down next to me, "Where did this come from?" "After our little chat I just decided, why should I hate you, we are different, but in the end, we could both use a friend." I smiled at him a smile he returned Alana was looking over at us and when it came time to partner up she called me over, I agreed even though Chase pouted because he was forced to work with Noah... "Hey there Hayden." "Hey Alana, how's it going?" "Pretty good, but I just." "What happened between you and Brad? He won't talk to me about it..." We set to work all the while discussing the situation with Brad. "Really, that's weird..." "What do you mean?" "I mean, that his father's parents are not very rich, his mother's parents were the loaded ones and they died a few years ago..." Alana somewhat whispered "Wait... who did they tell him wouldn't give the money if they knew about us..." I replied "When I confronted him, all he said is that his dad's parents were very traditional..." "But if they aren't very rich... then that means..." "Yep, his parents already have the money, and it also means they lied to Brad so he would break it off with you..." "And puts me in the position where if I confronted him I'd look like an idiot... and desperate to boot... Wonderful." I said exasperated "Look at the bright side though, you're happy with Evan..." "And Gavin... kinda..." I confessed "Wait... the hunky mechanic from your English lit class?" "One and the same... we went out last night..." "On a school night... I am ashamed at you." Alana joked "I didn't do anything, I pinky swear, but we're going out again on Friday." "Lucky... I mean Dustin is gorgeous don't get me wrong, but he's not the brightest bulb in the box, you get all the good guys... my sloppy seconds included it seems..." Alana faked a frown "Not all the good ones, just most, and come on don't hold Brad against me, you kinda made that one happen..." "I guess I did, but I'm allowed to pout... right?" She smiled at her joke "Yeah, sure, we all do it." We finished our project before everyone else and I spent the rest of the day with her, and we were back to being bffs... make that best friend count three... and frenemy count, two... odds still in favor of the friends, boyfriend count, one, prospect boyfriends, one, this whole counting thing is getting progressively weirder as time goes on. There was so much happening to talk about during school so, Alana and I decided to have a 'girls' night at my house, we invited Clare and Alana's best friend Ashley who I didn't really know, we hung up with our respective friends and reported that it was on. When we got to my house we set up a massive pool of blankets and pillows with all sorts of junk food and drinks we could find, the girls arrived about twenty minutes later "Hey I'm Ashley, Ashley Parker, I actually live right down the block...." I gulped, as I realized who Ashley was, I had met her a long time ago, back when everyone knew me as Denny, and I was ten years old, "I-I'm Hayden... Come in..." Was all I could bring myself to say, Clare walked up a moment after Ashley did and noticed my complexion "Honey, you look like you saw a ghost..." was the first thing she said as she hugged me, I was tense "I think that girl is Billy Parker's sister..." She had a look on her face like she was trying to recall the name "Wait, as in the journal Billy Parker, the one who... oh my god, are you sure Hay?" she asked me giving me another hug "I don't think I'm being crazy I think it's her, it has to be she said she lives right down the block..." "Well, we can't stand here all day, let's go in there..." We all sat to watch the movie selections, "He's Just Not That Into You," "Sex and the City," and "Sweet Home Alabama." we were all gabbing on and on "I can't believe I'm actually having a girls night, I never get to just hang out with girls, well no offense Hayden." Ashley said "None taken, Alana and Clare like to treat me like one of the girls, since I won't try to sleep with them anymore than you will..." "True.." She said and of course the conversation drifted to sex and boys, and boyfriends all that jazz "So I'm going out with this guy, totally gorgeous, Tom Walker, he's a total gem, sweet, caring, and strong, great guy, he sleeps with Natalia Livingston on prom night, can you believe that shit, you think someone is a certain way and they stab you right where it hurts..." Ashley said and pointed to Clare next "I've had the same boyfriend since sixth grade, Gerry Lowell, he's an artist, he's so sweet, and so passionate, if you catch my drift, he is so loyal to me, mostly I think because he fears my wrath, but we are so good together, but I'm breaking up with him..." Clare said and I immediately was shocked "What? Why don't I know about this...?" "He won't go down on me!" she yelled and we all snapped in a fit of laughter "THATS IT!?" We all seemed to ask at the same time throwing popcorn and candy at her "Sweetie, if it really bothers you that much, you have to talk to him about it." Alana said gasping slightly for air "I know, I just don't know how to bring it up..." "Do it like I did with Dustin, just say look if you don't do me, I won't do you..." Alana said and we laughed again "Or like I did with Evan, If you don't wanna blow me, I don't want to have sex at all..." I said and the girls laughed "Wait, Hayden, do you think you could give me some blowjob tips?" Ashley asked "I suppose so, what do you need to know?" "Well, when I'm with a guy, they always seem to start to soften what am I doing wrong..." "Well I doubt every guy you're with is gay, so that omits you not being attractive cause if I was straight we'd be upstairs right now... do you try to do a lot of licking and kissing and all that stuff?" "Kinda..." "Okie doke, there's your issue, most guys can't stay hard if it's not kept warm, when its wet and the air hits it it's cold, and has a shrinking effect, so keep that bad boy in your mouth at all costs, even if your jaw hurts, and focus on the head if you feel the hardness slipping away, that combined with deepthroating and swirling your tongue on the head is a surefire way to well... make him fire..." I said with a wink "Many thanks, I'll have to try that, you give way better advice than my brother..." Ashley said and I knew I tensed at his mention, I tried to cover by asking if anyone needed another drink they all accepted Ashley came in as I was breaking down a bit in my kitchen, "Whoa... I just came to see if you wanted any help... what's going on?" "Oh.. uh, nothing... nothing at all... I'm okay, just thinking about my... dog... yeah... she died...." "Aw... I'm so sorry, that's sad..." she said and patted my back, we got some waters and diet cokes, and went back to the living room "You alright bud, I know it's tough to think about him..." "Who...?" Alana asked "MY DOG..." I exclaimed "Dog, what dog, you don't have a dog..." I eyed her a piercing death glare and she added "anymore. May HE rest in peace..." "Okay, what's going on here...?" Ashley asked "Nothing, just movie night..." I said "You shut down the second I mentioned my brother, tell me why!" She demanded "You wouldn't believe me if I told you..." "Try me." She said "Can we talk in private?" "No, I think I should hear this too, and Clare already seems to know..." Alana said "I don't think I can do this..." I said weakly "Please, I know that look, I volunteer at a children's crisis center, please, tell me this isn't what I'm thinking... not my brother..." "If what you're thinking is that your brother did things to me, the answer is that I am so sorry, but the answer is yes..." "What things?" "Bad things..." I said as I started to cry and Alana and Clare held me "Like things people have to consent to do?" She asked me, and it was clear none of us were very comfortable with this "Yes..." I croaked before I began to sob "THAT ASSHOLE! I always knew he was doing something, but I never knew, he always was so secretive, always! Goddamn it all..." Ashley exclaimed, and added, "When?" "I was ten..." "Jesus!" she exclaimed, "I'm gonna kill him, I am gonna fucking kill him, he's always voicing how sickening it is when we see stuff like that on TV, and here he is just like them..." "Can we please stop now, I'm over it, it took a long time but I'm over it, I'd rather not think about it anymore... it's been too long, there's nothing we can do about it anymore..." "He's moved away, he could be doing this somewhere else now, we have to call the cops!" "NO! I can't go through it all again, call in an anonymous tip or something, just keep me out of it, I just can't please!" I was so worked up now I didn't even know what to say "Okay... okay... I promise, this stays between us..." Ashley said and then vowed she'd never speak to her brother again And that was how my secret came out to my closest friends, I had always hidden this secret I was and am still to this day quite ashamed of, though I've accepted this is not my fault, it is something that has shaped the person I have become, and the person I will continue to be, the actions of others do not control our lives, but the decisions we make based on said actions can shape our future... Part 2--- Friday Night Lights It's now Friday and the day of the big date number two with Gavin, my sweet Gavin, you've heard the saying looks can be deceiving, well if you judged this book by its cover you'd be relieved to skim the pages and find such an amazing person... "Miss me?" Gavin asked as he grabbed me from behind and hugged me against him while I was at my locker "Maybe a little." I said and turned around adjusting my bookbag looking up into his eyes, I love our height difference and the way his pool blue eyes suck me in "I made you this." he said and handed me a picture frame "You sure you didn't buy this?" "I swear on my life I made that for you in wood shop!" he said looking a little hurt at my assumption "Wow, it's great, it really is, I thought you bought it..." "So you don't think I could make something that well?" He asked me, with the same slightly hurt tone, I just wanted to kiss him, but I knew his rule about three dates so I just hugged him "I LOVE it, you are very talented, and you should take it as a compliment that I thought you bought it!" I said with a bright smile and brushed me now brown hair out of my face "And did I mention I love your new look, very hot..." "I think it brings out my Hispanic side..." "Really, you're Hispanic, what kind of name is Wilson?" "My dad is sort of a non traditional Hispanic, he decided mom's maiden name would have less stigma attached to it, so he took her name when they married." I said simply and he just laughed thinking that was weird "Well what kind of name is Gavin... I thought you're supposed to be Greek!" "You don't know my last name do you!?" He said laughing slightly "Or maybe I just can't pronounce it..." "Mikodavilos, not that hard..." "For a Greek anyway!" I laughed and the warning bell rang "Let's sit together at lunch." he said and patted my back as he walked away "Alright!" I called out and we went to our classes "Are you seriously dating Gavin Mi--- something or other!?" Braden asked me when we were in our second period class we shared "I fail to see how that concerns you at all..." "The guy's a player, he's got a reputation..." "Yeah, for girls!" I said in a harsh whisper "So, don't you think that may go for boys too..." "You know, if you don't want me, that's fine I'm cool with that, but don't you dare go and try to ruin things for me with other guys..." "I'm just trying to look out for you..." "The same way you were so thoughtful when your parents lied to you so you'd dump me..." "Don't you go and make wild accusations about my family, they mean more to me than you ever could..." he whispered it so harshly I felt the tears coming, I am not this kind of guy, I don't cry, not like this, I raised my hand and asked for the bathroom pass. I went to a stall and began to cry my eyes out, what is the matter with me, when I was asexual I didn't have these issues, now suddenly I'm a fucking drama queen over every little thing, fuck my life, I hate boys... I washed my face and I went back to class THE ACCUSATION **Braden** In second period I was stunned, first of all, Hayden had brown hair and looked so hot, then he started tossing around accusations about my parents after I was trying to be a friend to him "Don't you go and make wild accusations about my family, they mean more to me than you ever could..." I couldn't even believe that came out of my mouth, I mean yeah I love my family, but that wasn't even cool, even my friends mean just as much to me as my family, and Hayden and I were more than just friends, so it would stand to reason he had begun to mean more to me than them, I didn't want to hurt him I just wanted to shut him up I knew it hurt him, but he went to the bathroom and when he came back it was clear he was upset and I knew it was my fault, I would apologize at lunch... LUNCH TIME I walked into the lunch room and over to the table I shared with my friends, Noah was already there, but Chad was missing... "Hey Noah, what's up?" I asked him "Look at them, all sitting together like they are some sort of clique all by themselves..." he said nodding in a direction, I followed his glare and in his line of sight there was a table comprised of Gavin, Hayden, Chase, Chad, and a few girls, the most surprising person was the frenemies Chase and Hayden, seeming to be clicking right along... "What's eating you?" I asked Noah "Them, they all think they are so much better than us, here we are watching them while they eat and laugh like morons..." "You tried to warn him too huh... and now you're just pissed that Chad's on their side aren't you...?" "and student hits pin right on head..." "You know for someone who claims to not want a relationship you certainly seem very jealous and you seem to want it more than anything..." "So I have trust issues big whoop..." "I think it goes deeper than that..." I suggested "So maybe it does, but if you think I'm gonna take relationship advice from someone who picked family over boyfriend think again, no offense..." "Some taken, but I can see where you're coming from... I made a huge mistake today..." "And what's that?" "Well I told Hayden that my family means more to me than he ever could." I said "Wow... that is bad... Did you mean it?" "No, of course not, but I'm still pissed at him for sleeping with you..." "Why!? You and him were broken up, and YOU broke up with HIM, he had every right to do what or whomsoever he pleased..." "I know, I know, but it just makes me feel like, I wasn't really that special to him, I mean come on, he's got you in his bed before the sheets have even cooled, that's not the kind of guy we should want to be with, or even care what they think about us... think about it, he's a slut." I felt bad for saying it, but it IS my opinion after all "You know I never really thought about it, you're right, I mean, he seduced me, who knows what his intentions were... wait though, most sluts would kick you out right after, we cuddled, and he made breakfast in the morning, then I flipped out on him... I don't know here... I want to be pissed, but at the same time, I was the one that treated HIM like a trick, not the other way around, I really have no room to be pissed that he's sitting with my friend, I'm gonna go over there and try to call a truce, you on the other hand, can stay here and hate on him all you want... by yourself..." I watched Noah, the last friend I had at the lunch table walk over, and I saw him say his piece, and Hayden nod, he's such a good person, why do I feel like I have to hate him... am I jealous? No, I don't get jealous... that CAN'T be it... ATONEMENT---Noah's POV "Hey..." I said as I walked up to the lunch table filled with people giving me the stink eye "Hello Noah Barnes, how may we assist you..." Hayden said trying not to crack a smile, through his formal bravado "I just want to call a truce, I want to be able to sit with all my friends, and work on having you ALL be friends, I'm still new, and I might mess up, but I want a second chance..." "Well, you ARE new... you could use the friends, we'll put it to a vote, all in favor of forgiving, but not forgetting say aye..." I was relieved that nobody said nay "so I guess, that means I can sit?" to which Hayden nodded "I really am sorry..." I said sincerely, I noticed Gavin and Hayden holding hands, what an odd pairing "Like I said, forgiven, not forgotten." Hayden replied, I took more notice, how he seemed so genuine in everything he says and does, he could have just as easily told be to buzz off, most likely in much more colorful terms, but he didn't I don't think anyone gives him enough credit. HOME--- Gavin's POV Coming from a Greek household, my secret was dark, my many cousins had figured it out because I forgot to put my Facebook as private, so when they found me they saw pictures of me in gay clubs, dancing and kissing on guys, they told me it's cool, they didn't care, but our parents on the other hand, well it would probably be best if they never knew. Most people wonder about my name, like Hayden had asked, it seems so, well, non-Greek truth be told, I am first generation Greek – American, my parents were off the boat Greeks, but in order to make us fit in better, we children were given American names, my parents named me after the doctor who delivered me, most of my cousins were named after theirs as well, which for some of the girls wasn't very fortunate, we've got a Michael, and a Ryan, both girls, but it seems the latter of the two has become a more popular girls name, coincidentally, it's those two I am closest with... they are always over at my house and my mama is always cooking for them, my mom is more modern, she has gay friends, and has become much more accustomed to that lifestyle, even going to bars with her gayest of the gay friends, she loves gays, and I knew she'd be fine, and she was when I told her, it's my father however we keep it from, he is strictly traditional and would never approve of a gay son, my mama asked me if I was sure, that she loves me, like a mother should, whatever I decide... "just try to be with a nice Greek boy" was what she always said My mother was constantly inviting her friends to the parties we would throw with our massive families, they would often, yet quietly, try to set me up with some young hot guys they knew, but I would always turn them down, saying "when it's right for me to date, I'll know..." Now here I am 17 a junior in high school, and I'm dating a crazy hot guy, but I have no experience, I'm a total virgin, and he's well, more experienced, can I even please him? I've never even kissed someone, I've tried to hide the fact that he's the first date I've ever been on, but he'll find out if we make it to the sex phase. My phone rings "Hey beautiful." I try and sound smooth "Well aren't you the sweetest guy, what time are we going out tonight? "I'm picking you up at eight." "Sounds good, I can't wait!" he sounds so cute with hushed excitement "See you soon." I said and we hung up "You hungry Vinny?" Mama asked "Nah ma, I'm going out tonight." "Oh... OH... who's the lucky boy?" She asked me, she's so great with this "His name is Hayden Wilson, he's a sophomore, he's just amazing ma, I can't even explain everything to you, I like him." "Well it sounds like you need some tips..." Mama said and she started playing with my hair, yeah its kinda long and I wear too much product, I know what's coming... "You need to shower, there's special soap that will get that layer of grime you always have on you off, but first, baby, you need to cut your hair, you have such a good face and you hide it behind that gelled mess... and you need to shave off all your facial hair, you should show this boy the real you, not the you that you use to hide who you really are from your dad..." "What if he was attracted to me for the whole mechanic vibe?" "If he really likes you, he'll like you either way, hair grows my love, on the head give you a month, and on the face, well tomorrow morning some of it will be back anyway." "Thanks ma..." After a quick hair cut, I went and got the soap, I didn't know what it was but she told me it would work YOW!!!!! That shit burns, maybe I grabbed the wrong stuff, whatever, it was the only soap, let's make this shower quick, I looked at the small mirror hanging in the shower and shaved my whole face, I looked at myself, I look different, better, but now that I'm all clean cut, will I still keep Hayden's interest, Braden has facial hair, Noah has facial hair, I was the dirty, greasy mechanic, now I look like some rich kid... well so what.. ma's right, he should like me either way... My phone rings "SHIT!!!" I jumped out the shower and ran buck naked to grab the phone "Hello?" "Hey, it's me, I'm running a bit late, where should I meet you at?" "I was gonna pick you up..." "I know, but I'm running late and it will be easier if I meet you up." "Meet me at the library." "You got it babe, see you soon." An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was on the front steps of the Springwood Falls Memorial Library, I was leaning against a column, when I saw Hayden, I didn't immediately alert him to my presence, I changed the pitch of my voice to throw him off, "Nice night." "Yeah, have you seen another guy waiting around?" he asked me I put on my normal voice, "what other guys are you expecting...?" I asked him in mock hurt **Hayden** I was blazing through the streets, heading towards the library, I was about fifteen minutes late, not my style, but oh well, I'm sure he'll forgive me... I jog up the steps and I hear a voice saying its a nice night or something, I look over, and damn, what a hottie, I would so be trying to hit on him if I wasn't with Evan and Gavin "Have you seen another guy waiting around?" I asked him hoping Gavin hadn't gotten tired of waiting Then his voice changed, and he asked me "What other guys are you expecting?" My eyes popped out of my head I was floored, this beautiful man is Gavin?! Oh my god, he cleans up DAMNED fine "Holy shit!" I exclaimed "You like?" He asked me, sounding hopeful "Do I... are you nuts...." I asked him and pushed him against the column, lowered his face to mine and planted a big kiss on his lips, he returned the kiss, not as skillfully as I'd hoped, but pretty good never the less... he seemed a little shocked at first, "Of course, I LOVE it, you were hot before, but now I can see how truly handsome you really are, this seems more you somehow..." I said and he kissed me one more time, this time was better... much better "So you don't want me to go back to the grease monkey look?" "Well, honey, as hot as you were, this is better, you look more comfortable in your own skin." "You can really tell that, just by looking at me?" He asked "You have so much more confidence like this, do you realize what a good kisser you are, the first kiss I was like, eh, but you took my breath away after just a couple compliments about your looks... like you got a boost or something..." "I did!" he exclaimed and lifted me up a little, "Because I was nervous you wouldn't like the real me." "I like the real you, I like the greasy you, hell I'd like the nerdy you if you had braces and black rimmed glasses with tape in the middle, as long as you are happy with yourself, and I can see you are." "I never realized how insightful you are." He said and I smiled, and whispered, "And don't worry, we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for..." I think Gavin was taken by surprise that I knew he's a virgin, but come on, you can always tell, the way he was so shy to physical contact, the way he was so adamant about traditions, that speaks volumes, like he's the type of guy that if straight, would wait until married, the good guy, the RARE guy... "How'd you know...?" "I have my ways, and it doesn't matter, not at all, I think it's great, I wish I still was sometimes..." We left it at that, and we went to dinner, and then we went to the beach, and laid on a blanket on the sand under the stars, and he pulled me into him, "Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen...?" He asked me as he gazed into my eyes "And has anyone ever told you, that you are probably the sweetest most romantic guy I've ever met?" "Just you." He said and put his hand to my face, "Beautiful you..." he said and rolled on top of me, lowering his face to mine he kissed me softly, I kissed him back, and ran my hand through his short black hair pulling him deeper into the kiss, I parted me lips and his tongue began its entry into my mouth, I responded by massaging his tongue, then sucking it deeper into my mouth, we frenched for a while and he ran his hand up my shirt, I could feel his rather large package rubbing against mine, we were both obviously hard at this point, I stopped him, "Baby. Not here, if that's what you want, it has to be special." "You're right, not here, not now, I'm sorry I took it too far..." "It's fine, but this is your first time, it has to be special, I regret that about my first time, it was in a place like this..." "Alright, I think that sounds good, let's get out of here..." We took his car back to the library and before I got in my car he kissed me fiercely, "What was that for?" I asked him with a grin on my face "For stopping me back at the beach, for being so great, and goodnight." "Good night." I said and gave him one small kiss GOSSIP The next day, I called up the girls, and we all got together for a trip to the mall, this time Quinn our best guy friend tagged along and arrived at my house first "Hey bud what's shakin?" I asked him "Not much, just busy with Bianca, and football, coach is even tougher this year, how's life for you?" "Pretty good, got my friends, and my two boyfriends so life is pretty good..." "Wait, you're with Noah AND Brad?" "Oh no, those two are history, I'm back with Evan, but he lives so far, I have Gavin here..." "Gavin the Greek?" "I've never understood that nick name, how is it a nickname, if it just describes the person like that..." "So is that a yes?" "Yeah dude, it's on, if you don't want the details, you may not wanna tag along today..." "Denny-boy, I don't know how many times I have to say this to convince you I'm fine with your sexuality, but I'M FINE WITH YOUR SEXUALITY, just don't go too into detail, or you might convert me..." "Eew... as if..." I said seriously yet jokingly, you know how it goes... "What's wrong with me?" Quinn asked "You're like my brother!" I exclaimed "SO! If you HAD a brother, I know you'd be able to judge whether or not they're good looking, so what is it, I'm ugly? Dumb? What is it?" I could tell he was actually serious "What does it matter, you're straight..." "So, it's a matter of being desirable, even to gays..." "Well, we'll have to get another 'gays' opinion because I don't find you attractive, you're cute, but that's all I see." "Wow... I never thought that you saying I'm not attractive would actually hurt my feelings..." "Quinn... we are best friends, why do you feel the need to put me in this awkward position?" "I'm sorry, I guess I just feel invalid since Bianca stopped putting out..." "And you turn to your gay best friend for validation, shouldn't you have gone to Clare?" "Probably, but I've always been able to talk to you easier, mainly cause you're a guy, gay or not, you're still a guy first..." "Thanks for noticing..." "Look, you've got it going on, you're cute, sweet, and nice, I don't know or care what your body looks like, maybe Bianca's pre--- HEY Clare..." I said as Clare walked into the living room "We're all in Ashley's Envoy, you two ready to go?" she asked We all spent the day together, and as per usual we wound up back at my place watching movies, and talking, I told them all about the kiss, and how Gavin had confessed he's a virgin, well after I sort of asked, but same difference, and his hot new look they'd all see on Monday "He really likes you, he must, if he was willing to show you the real him..." Ashley said "I'm hoping, I'm actually falling harder for him than I did for Evan... It's different, Evan is safe, reliable, has always been there... whereas Gavin is new, I don't know if we'll make it past tomorrow, but a part of me wants to find out..." "Well, you and Evan are in an open relationship..." Clare said "Yeah, but after I tell that to Gavin, he might not want to be with me, he's very traditional..." "Dude... he's gay! How traditional can he really be...?" Quinn asked and got smacked by Clare "He's right, in a crude sort of way, I mean our relationship is new, he must expect I'm dating around, but what if he wants me to be with only him, do I dump Evan?" I asked the general audience Alana spoke up for the first time since we'd gotten back, "You have to do what your heart tells you, but you won't know what you really want until you are asked to make that decision, so don't think about it, enjoy your time with both, and cross that bridge when you come to it, for the record, I've seen you happy, but since you and Vin, you have been the happiest I've seen you in years..." That felt nice to hear, but I also knew I'd have to come clean to Gavin, I couldn't hide this from him, not when we were getting closer and closer, and our relationship is going well, and progressing to the next level, I have to tell him, I don't know how he'll take it, we'll just have to see... To Be Continued... This is my personal story intertwined with stories of my friends and loved ones, if you have a story that seems to coincide with our stories and would like to see it somehow worked in, feel free to send it in... By the way, I am now a college graduate, and am still with one of the boys in the story wanna take a guess who it is??? Stories4evry1@yahoo.com Check out my other stories Marvelously Charming-- Celebrity Section--In Progess Sometimes Surprised-- High School Section--Completed