Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 23:21:29 -0500 From: spiderwick1 secret Subject: all by myself the end This story contains very little sexual contact between teenage boys. This story may not be legal where you live or is may be offensive to you, If so please leave now. All By Myself The End I was now dreading every day. I would get up in the morning shower and get ready for school and just go through the motions. I was lost and depressed, Jamie was the first person I had ever had sex with and I was missing him more that I could stand. Still in the closet and still not being able or just maybe not having the guts to admit to myself or for that matter anyone else that I was gay. I was living a life that I and most people would not wish on anyone. I needed to do something but I was scared to death to do anything. I was in limbo with no way to go but down. I would sit in class and think of all the things Jamie and I did and wondered if I would ever be able to find someone else that I would be able to share myself with. It really looked hopeless. I was not thinking straight, actually I was not thinking at all. I went through the remainder of my high school years with not much of a change in anything, no matter how hard I tried. There were boys that I saw that I would dream about but was scared to death to say anything to. I was alone. I was scared. I was living a hell on earth. Then the worst thing happened, I got a letter one day and opened it and the first word of the letter was in bold type and said " GREETINGS. " The next thing I knew I was on my way to boot camp. I was saying to myself, "great now I have to be around all the guys " How do I get through this? I spent a lot of time by myself I made a few friends but would never leave the post or got on pass. Now more then ever I was finding myself building an even deeper closet. After two years it was over and I felt a little better. I started working at a grocery store and one of the guys I worked with was gay I knew it and since we worked every day together he felt that I should know that. He was the first person I ever told that I was gay. He asked me to stop over at his house many times and as it worked out we never had any time alone. We would be sitting in his room and then his younger brother would come in and start talking and before I knew it I had to go. We actually tried to have sex once but as fortune would have it his brother came home school early one day and we never really got started. I have working many jobs. I have spent my time always trying to do good deeds. Always trying to help someone else and never taking the time to help myself. Time went by, years drifted past and before I knew it I was pushing 50. I have really never been one to go to bars, or spend a lot of time cruising. I would spend my time at my home and thinking about all the things that could have been. Now I am 60 still alone and still wondering what a waste my live has been. I would give the shirt off my back to anyone. Help anyone that needed help and as a result. spent so much time trying to help everyone else I never took the time to help myself. I look at younger boys and say to myself please don't waste time wondering if you should do something. If you do it just soon may be to late for you as well. I am living by myself now and have friends that talk to me or visit me when they have nothing else to do. and I am grateful for that. but at the end of the today and every day for the foreseeable future I guess I will remain ALL BY MYSELF. That's it Please email me and tell me what you think. Email me at spiderwick1@hotmail.com I will answer all emails as soon as possible Thanks for reading my story.