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Once upon a time after time
A boy was sent to the “Realm of angels”...
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I walked through my tree lined street with all kind of thoughts rushing through my head. I guess you could say that I was walking on the clouds. Not only had I been recognized finally, but it was by Cris Kurosaki, a popular kid! I couldn’t help but look down at my hand where he wrote his number down. Finally, I was maybe going to be able to make a friend. I thought of all the things we could do together. We could go to the mall, arcade, movies, and each other’s houses. It would be totally great, right?
After walking for a little bit more, I arrived at my house. I looked at the front of it and sighed. I slowly woke from my fantasy world. This was reality, wasn’t it? I was alone once again. I took out my keys from my pocket and unlocked the front door. I entered the entry hall, put my field coat up, and scarf on the coat rack and went into the kitchen. I got myself a coke and a snack and sat down at the table inside. Out of everyone in that school so far, why was he the first to finally come up to me? I wasn’t used to being the loner at school to tell the truth. I wasn’t terribly popular at my old school, but at least I had some friends. It was just too bad that the same thing didn’t apply here. The loneliness was really hard on me. I wasn’t dealing really well with this forced isolation. At first, I had thought that I would make friends and make a new life really easily. When the kids didn’t accept me at first, I just kept on thinking that it was because they were still getting used to me. Now months later, I still had no friends.
I sighed and finished the last of my coke. I crushed the can and threw it in the trash. I headed for the stairs and went up two at a time. I slowed down when I noted all the things hanging on the wall. I looked at all the pictures that were there. Some brought more memories up than others. I saw myself as a small kid, happy and laughing. I sighed. I sometimes wished that it was like back then. It was always so easy, and I didn’t have to worry about school so much and not having friends. I continued up the stairs, and I entered my room and put everything I had in my pockets right next to the computer. I turned the old clunker on and jumped down onto my bed.
The day’s events flashed before my eyes as my head hit the pillow, especially the strange encounter with Cris Kurosaki. Anyone would think it was strange, right? First him staring at me at lunch and then after school… What is happening in the world? Things don’t really happen like this. This is like some weird movie or TV show. I let out a sigh. It always seemed like I was sighing. It was just the thing that I did when I was sad or thinking. I brought my arm to cover my eyes, using it and my hand to slowly rub them. After I was done, I saw the number there. I brought my palm to my face and read it several times over while I thought. I thought of what was to come if I actually did call him. I thought of what would happen if I didn’t call him? You know, this all could be a trap? I don’t want to be humiliated or anything, but this could be the thrill of a lifetime. For once, I will be noticed. For once, it will be my time, even if it may be for a day or two. Anything can happen. I didn’t know whether or not to call him. He did say anytime, right? Maybe he actually meant it when he said it. Oh damn. I didn’t know what to think. I turned to lie on my right side which made me face my night stand.
There was a picture of me when I was a little kid. I had been around five-years-old when it had been taken. I was on a swing set and smiling at the camera. It was a beautiful spring day with a sweet breeze whispering fancy tales at every turn. I was feeling as I did in the hall. How I wish I did not have this tainted paranoia of being found out, of being hated for being different. Life had its perverted twists. No one knew my darkest secret. I was gay. I had known since about seventh grade. I guess I had really known all my life, but it had hit me then. I just remember one day saying how this one boy had a horrible girlfriend. I thought that I would have made a better one for him. I, of course, didn’t know that everyone else thought it was bad for a boy to like another boy. I found that out later. I’ve accepted it all already. I’ve had the time to really get over all the problems of it, except for the paranoia of rejection. I just don’t want to be hurt or be thought of as different. I really was like everyone else.
The computer had finally loaded up after ten thousand years. I stood up from my cozy position on the bed, stretching to let all my weariness slip away. I walked over to the computer and sat in my leather chair. I clicked for AOL Instant Messenger and signed in. Alone. The screen name described me perfectly. Only one of my friends from back home was on, so I decided I wanted to talk with her.
Candygirl88: hi!!! how are you doing, huh
Alone: ok, and you
Candygirl88: good, i had such a great time yesterday with everyone. it would have been great if you were here
Alone: yeah, thats great. i did lots of things too
Candygirl88: awesome! tell me all about it!..
I couldn’t help but lie to her. I wanted everyone back home to think that everything was going great. I didn’t want anyone to worry. The whole rest of the conversation was about me and my party I had gone to. I was almost ashamed to be doing that. I hated lying. I really did. Deceit was never the way to go. I just didn’t know why I couldn’t come out with the truth.
I surfed the net for a couple of hours, checked my e-mail, and looked at forums that said things like, “We can help anyone. We are your online family.” What a bunch of bull. No one can help a gay teen find a boyfriend or acceptance. If only, well ifs were just that, ifs. I logged off and turned around. It was really dark. I really didn’t see that the time had flown by so fast. That was the reason why I loved the internet, I guess. I could get so lost in it. I was in my own little world that didn’t have to deal with the right here and right now. I was in a sort of sanctuary of sorts. No one could really ever hurt me there. Even if some sites said they could cure people of their “gayness” or some crap like that, I always knew that it was just some site that I could easily never go back to. They never really worked anyway. I know because I tried them.
I went through the house to find that it was still empty. I looked at the kitchen’s clock to see its blaring green numbers displayed on the stove. It said 7:39 p.m. I went back to my room and sat at my desk. I saw Cris’ number on my palm and started to think whether or not to call him. I thought maybe I should call him. He seemed like a really nice guy. He wasn’t only really nice, he was really cute too. I could totally see his shy smile being directed to me. It was so killer. He also had intense, soul searching eyes that could just go into you. They were a perfect shade of brown. It wouldn’t hurt to try, right? What would I say though? I wasn’t very all versed in phone conversation. I was much better at face to face conversations, even if I did get nervous then too. He did say anytime. I could just call him tomorrow or even the next day.
I decided though to try. I went downstairs and picked up the cordless. I started to punch his number in. 5, 5, 5, 1, 3, 6, and I took a deep breath. I went to press the 9, but I just couldn’t do it. I hung up and put the phone beside me. I was going crazy inside. This was weird. No normal person does what he did. It’s not real. I looked back down at my hand and remember what he did. He did seem sincere though. This would be the most horrible of jokes if he didn’t mean it.
I kept on trying throughout the night, but I couldn’t press the last number in for some reason. I was so stupid for not being able to do that. I just trapped myself in my room for being retarded. I finally after a couple of hours of beating myself up, fell asleep. I didn’t notice I had fallen asleep until the alarm woke me up the next morning.
I fumbled trying to turn it off, but after a few minutes, I was successful. I sat up in my bed and ran my hand through my hair. I could feel it sticking up. I looked down at my feet and thought of last night. I couldn’t make a simple phone call. It really was disappointing.
I went through my normal morning routine and got ready to go to school. I was in a hurry for some reason. I didn’t want to stay in the house for much longer. It was constricting me or something. I left the house immediately after I got ready. I didn’t want to see my mom because I was feeling bad. She had this sixth sense for knowing when I was upset or doing something bad. I loved her lots, but I didn’t want to worry her any.
That morning, I decided to ride the bus. There was a bus stop that was about a block away from my house. I usually walk to school when the weather is good, and when I am in a good or very crappy mood. Today though, I wasn’t. So, I went to the bus stop and waited for the bus. Every type of person was waiting there. There were all sorts of people there. There were tall, short, skinny, fat, and everything in between. Our city was very diverse so we had all sort of people waiting. The worse part was that no matter what, they would always move away from me as if I had some sort of disease or something. They weren’t going to catch anything from me. This morning though, it didn’t help me with my mood either. I didn’t see any difference between the best of them and me. I didn’t know why they acted the way they did. Who said they had the right to judge me? I wasn’t any different from them. I didn’t act weird or have some funny hair color. Oh well. I sighed and looked for that familiar yellow shape.
The bus finally came after a few more minutes. Everyone got on with a frenzy, pushing and shouting for seats. After a couple of minutes, it drove us to school. The drive was very noisy with all the laughter and talking between everyone else. It kind of made me sad. I looked around the bus to see everyone being happy and joking around. I didn’t want to look at them anymore so I looked at the person who was sitting next to me. He had short dirty blond hair. He also had a milky skin tone that had a slight sprinkling of freckles. He wore a green tank top with a pair of blue jeans and flip flops. There was a small jade pendant around his neck. I think he noticed me looking at him. I turned really quickly and felt a blush coming on me. I didn’t like being caught staring at people. It always made me feel uneasy.
I looked back at him, and he was still looking at me. When he saw me look back, he looked away. Wow, now this was weird. He looked my way again, but this time he didn’t look away. He smiled a really cute smile. He cleared his throat.
I couldn’t believe it. He had said something to me. He actually said hi to me. I stared for a second but cut out of it really quickly. I cleared my own throat.
“Hi,” I said, as I looked down.
“My name is Blake.” He had a cool name. He turned to me a little bit more.
“Mah…my name is Mark.” I looked at him for a few seconds, and he smiled again. I didn’t say anything after that because I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a complete stranger? Hey, your name is awesome. No! That sounded lame. I never met anyone named Blake before. Doubly no! I was such a spaz.
“I’m new here. Just moved here a couple of days ago.”
“That’s nice,” I said as it trailed off. No wonder I had never seen him before. I thought of the next thing to say to him.
“I’m pret…oh.” I stopped. Blake had turned to some other kids vying for his attention. I guess I wasn’t important enough or something. I sat there looking out the window for the rest of the way. I had already started wishing for the day to go quickly. We arrived at school after ten minutes and everyone fled from the bus in the same chaos that they had got on. After everyone had left, I got off.
The whole day went by thankfully quick. There was one thing that kind of made it stop. Well, lunch brought everything to a halt. After I had bought my food and sat down, I noticed the popular table going crazy over something new. I didn’t care what was up with them. I just wanted to eat and go. I looked over at their table and noticed someone looking at me. After a second, I recognized Cris. He had a slightly sad look on his face. It didn’t sit too well on his handsome face. It was meant for smiling. He sighed and looked away from me. I felt really guilty. Maybe I should have called him. Why do I have to be such a chicken? I’m a freaking moron. I frowned at my retarded ness and looked down at my half eaten food.
A minute or so passed when all the girls in Cris’ table went a little crazy. They kept pointing across the lunch room, and I couldn’t help but take a look myself. At first, I thought they were pointing at some black girl with this wacky Ronald McDonald bright red afro. After she left, I finally understood what they were pointing at. They were pointing at Blake. I guess he couldn’t hear the obnoxious squeals. Blake paid for his food and looked around the cafeteria. After a few seconds of looking, he started his way to my side of the cafeteria. It looked like he was heading over to me, but he wouldn’t sit with me, would he? Not after him basically forgetting me on the bus, right? Also, no one ever sat with me. He stopped as some people crossed in front of him. After they passed, he once again started on his way in my direction. I couldn’t help but stare as he finally stopped in front of me.
“Hey Mark, can I sit with you? You’re the only person I know.” Blake asked. He was really confident. I didn’t answer for a few seconds. I couldn’t believe he was asking that. I stuttered out my answer.
“Sh-sure.” I looked at him as he smiled and sat down. I looked behind him to see the popular table looking in my direction, pointing. They were whispering with looks of disgust. Obviously, it was because of me. I didn’t notice that Blake was actually saying something until he shook me. I came to and blushed heavily. He laughed.
“You there? Good. This school is kinda cool. You have pretty nice people here.” I was surprised. I didn’t think they liked strangers here. I guess if you looked as great as he did, anyone would be your friend.
“Yeah, it’s ok,” I said softly. He laughed again and a second later, I heard an unfamiliar girl voice.
“Hey there. We noticed that you were new, and me and my friends wanted to invite you to sit with us at our table. My name is Brenda, and they are Amanda and Courtney,” she said, pointing to the other two girls as they waved. What were they doing?! They wanted him, and they were stealing him from me. Those bitches! He was here first.
“Hey. I’m Blake. I’m kind of sitting here with my friend Mark…,” Blake said. I stopped calling the girls every bad name I could think of when I heard him say that. Whoa. All three girls looked at me and started throwing daggers with their eyes. They didn’t lose their fake smile the whole time though. They looked back at Blake with their over gooeyfied lips spreading in bogus smiles.
“Awww. I bet you would like to sit with us and our friends,” one of the back ones said. “We are really nice and want to talk with you. We are better than you think. We really want to get to know you.” She touched his shoulder, and I swear she caressed it with her witch hands. I couldn’t help but just stare at them. They were trash talking my ability to keep Blake company basically.
“Well, Ok. I’ll go sit with you all,” Blake said, turning to me. “Sorry. I’ll come and sit with you tomorrow.” I was blown away. Well, there goes a real opportunity for a friend. I can’t believe they just snatched him away. The girls all gave me huge fake smiles as they took Blake away. What I wouldn’t have done to slap those bitches upside their head. I saw them all jump on him basically when he sat down at their table. Well, all except one. Cris was looking over again with his sad look. It made me sad to see his face. He then mouthed to me, “I’m sorry,” or something like that. I couldn’t stand to be in the cafeteria any longer. I grabbed my half eaten food and threw it away. I ran away down the hall and had to fight the tears coming up. This school was pure shit.
The rest of the day passed without more incident. What had happened in lunch had made me angry and very sad. The last bell let out, and I slowly went home. Forget the bus, forget this city, and forget this shit. I thought my luck had finally started to change for the better with Cris yesterday and Blake today. I guess not. Well, Cris still seemed a little interested, even though he looked sad. Maybe me not calling him really did do that to him, maybe not.
I got home and went straight to my room. I threw my backpack across the room and jumped in my bed. Bastards, that’s what they all were. I couldn’t help but think of Blake and Cris, my two maybe friends. I didn’t understand how Blake, who had just got there, could be taken away so fast. Maybe they wanted him before my reject germs had taken over him. Maybe he was the new “charity” work, about to be thrown into hell. Also, the way Cris looked at me confused me. Maybe if I called, he would feel better. I didn’t know what to do with him. I didn’t know how to deal with the popular kids here in this city. I just sighed and thought some more. After a few minutes, I came to the conclusion that I was going to call Cris. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to chicken out.
So, I went down to the living room and picked up the cordless. After all the countless times I had tried to dial Cris’ number yesterday, I had remembered it. This time I was going to do it. I dialed in his number and waited for an answer. I suddenly became so afraid. I was so nervous. Feelings of anticipation and dread bubbled up from nowhere. It all came as the first ring of the phone went by. Caterpillars cocooned and became butterflies in a matter of milliseconds. The second ring passed and still no answer. My palms became sweaty, and someone picked up. It was a sweet sounding woman. This must be Cris’ Mom.
“Hello, umm… My name is Mark. Can I please talk to Cris?” I nervously asked.
“Yes you may. Please wait a second,” she kindly said. I heard her call out for him on the other end of the line. “He will be here in a second.”
“T-thank you.” My nerves doubled as the wait progressed. I was actually on the phone with his house. Oh my goodness!
“Yo. This is Cris.”
I didn’t move when I heard his sweet voice. I didn’t breathe, I didn’t swallow, and I did nothing. My feelings had made me freeze.
“Helloooo? Is anybody there?”
I clicked the off button. I had just hung up. What did I just do? I’m such a fool! He’s going to know that it was me. I’m so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid… I was sitting down on my couch in self-loathing. No wonder I’m such a reject at school. I have no guh... I stopped thinking immediately. The phone was ringing. Oh my goodness! It was probably him. How would I explain myself? I didn’t have the time to think. I picked up the receiver and pressed talk.
“H-h-hello,” my voice was shaky. My brain was working overload. Fireworks were going off in my stomach.
“Hey, this is Cris. Did ya just call me?” I thought Oh My God! He just called me back! I was thinking fast. I guess he got impatient that I wasn’t saying anything.
“Hello? I just heard you.” His voice was so soothing and sweet sounding. My heart fluttered for the first time.
“H-hey, Cris. This is Mark”
“I know. I knew that ya were goin to call me. I thought ya were goin to call yesterday though. It kind of made me sad that you didn’t. I’m glad that ya finally did though.”
“Y-yeah, sorry about that.” I was hitting myself on the head. I’m such a dumb ass!
“Well, since ya did call, I’m happy.” I giggled at that.
“T-that’s good,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about how the girls at my table stole yo friend. They’re kind of bitchy when they want something.” I couldn’t believe he said that about the people that he sat and was friends with. That was weird, but made me feel good.
“Yeah, it did suck,” I said really softly. This was a surprise to me.
“Hey, could ya speak a lil louder. I like hearin yas.” Was that a compliment or an order to talk louder?
“S-sorry,” I said louder, “I said that it did suck”
“I bet. Maybe one day I will go over and sit with ya.” Wow, that was unexpected.
“T-that would be nice.” He laughed a little at that.
“Hey, I want to ask ya a question.”
“On Friday, the new Ring flick is comin out. I was goin to go with some of my buddies but if ya want to, we can go together instead.”
Wow, did he know that he just made my insides explode? His question just came out of nowhere. My mind was screaming. I didn’t know what to say. What do I say to that? My face was ablaze. I couldn’t sit down any longer. I was up and running through the living room. Oh my goodness, what do I do? Go with him and maybe have a good time, or decline and stay at home for this Friday and maybe even for the rest of my life. My mind was running as fast as the speed of light to come up with an answer. I was running in circles through all the rooms in the house. He waited patiently for my answer. I ran through kitchen on my high and tripped on the floor mat. The phone flew from my hands. My face met the carpet, too bad my side had hit the corner of the counter. The pain was going through me like a pair scissors chopping off random ribs.
“Uuuuh,” I moaned, feeling my side. I heard Cris on the phone saying hello. I crawled over slowly to the handset.
“Hiii,” I said, making sure not to breathe hard because it hurt.
“What just happened? Are ya ok?” He sounded concerned. It touched me.
“I’ll be ok, I kind of slipped and fell in the kitchen. Heh heh.”
“I hope nothing was hurt that bad.”
“N-no. Nothing was hurt,” I basically moaned out. I didn’t want him to worry.
“Ok. I’m trustin ya. So, what do you say?”
“Goin to the movies with me. Want to?”
Was he really serious? Did he really want me to go with him? Would he really drop his friends for me? It wouldn’t hurt right. So, I made up my mind. I’m going to the movies with him. A small smile passed over my face. I coughed.
“H-hey. I’ll go with you.”
“Great! I have to call my buddies and tell them that I can’t make it with them. Would ya also like to maybe… have dinner or something?” he asked. I blushed all over again. Why was he nervous for? I was the one who was! I was now taking off into orbit.
“S-sure,” I giggled, “I would like that.”
“G-great. Cool. Ok, how does this sound? We’ll go after school to have dinner and then go to the movies. How about it?”
“It sounds like fun.” I was smiling real big.
“Ok. Nice. I’ll see yas soon. Bye.”
“Bye, thanks.” I said. The hugest smile was on my face. YES!! I can’t believe it. This was totally unexpected. I was elated that I was going to spend Friday afternoon with the most popular guy in school! I screamed, got up from the floor, and ran about the house again. My pain was totally forgotten. This was going to be good. Not good, great! Then I stopped running about for a second after I thought of something. What am I going wear? OH my goodness, I don’t know the first thing about this kind of stuff. I ran to my room and looked in my closet. Everything was boring. There was nothing to my liking at all. I needed to look good. After a few minutes of rummaging through all the clothes I had, picking my second best outfit. It was a white long sleeve button up shirt and a pair of dark blue, straight leg jeans. After finally picking something out, the ache in my side came screaming back. I bent over in pain and moaned. I was going to get a bruise.
I went to my bathroom that was connected to my room then. I tried looking for some sort of pain relief. I looked in the mirror cabinet and found some Tylenol. I took a couple with some water from the faucet. It was not going to get to work fast enough. I just knew it. I put the bottle back in the cabinet and closed it. I looked in the mirror then. I haven’t actually looked at myself really in quite a while. I was pretty ok, even cute to my standards. I didn’t have anything really bad. I was skinny, but I had some muscle definition in the right places. I had bright green eyes and a slightly shaggy hair style that went well with my auburn hair. I hardly ever got pimples, thank the gods. I didn’t need to wear any glasses either, so that was good. I was average height then, about 5’ 8”. I was little bit taller than most and a little bit shorter than most too. I took off my shirt and looked at myself, especially where I had fallen. I could see the beginning of a bruise right under my ribs on my side. I hissed at the sight of it. Wow, that had hurt a lot. I looked for the time and saw that it was about time for mom to get home. I wanted to be clean after such a hard day, so I decided on a bath.
I started the bath and got everything together. It hurt to bend certain ways without it hurting a lot. I hope I didn’t hurt anything in me too bad. I will just have to ask mom about it. I entered my bath once it was to my liking and sat dreaming of the last two days events. Wow, that was crazy, totally. I can’t believe that those things actually happened. First with Cris and then with Blake, what will happen next? I’ll get a boyfriend and fall in love. I laughed at that. Like anyone would like me. With that, the self-doubting began.
What if I’m boring to Cris? What if he starts to hate me? What if we have an awkward moment, and I can’t come up with anything to say? Actually, I have no clue what to say to him. Why am I such a dork?! Gosh. Also, what was up with Blake? Didn’t he know he hurt me when he left with those skanks? Well, I can’t really blame him for leaving me. He’s new. I sat back and thought. Thoughts like that plagued my mind for the rest of my bath. Even though it felt good to be in hot water and to get clean, my mind wasn’t rested. I doubt that it was going to rest any time soon. I got out of the tub and slowly dried off. I left the bathroom with my towel wrapped about my waist. I went to my bed and laid down for a second.
Thoughts of Friday ran through my head. I know this is going to be great, I hope at least. So the wait began, two days and counting…
Author's Note: I am super excited about rewriting my Alone chapters. It went pretty smoothly, in my opinion. I can't believe that I had actually tripled what was there before. I'm adding a whole lot to the story to try to add some depth and future fun in it.
I LOVED getting your feedback!. Please send me some more at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear what I could do to make Alone better for my readers. Thanks again! Please come back soon for Alone: Remix Extension 3, which will come soon!