Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye
* * *
I tried to go back to sleep, but like always, I couldn't. I tossed from side to side, trying to make anything happen. My mind was running at full speed. These memories and dreams held me in a way that made me furious. All I could do was punch my pillow, hoping that blow after blow, it would all go away. At that moment, all I could think of was what had happened after he had left me there in the theatre. Alone.
I had stayed in that spot for what seemed hours. I heard people going into their cars and leaving, like every other "friend" that I ever had the chance or "pleasure" to make. Every slam that I heard was just like a slap in the face. They reminded me that I was left. On purpose.
My body, soul, and spirit had broken into thousands of pieces. The rain was getting worse. Every drop was a poke from heaven. It made me think that the hope I held of ever finding someone that was great, true, honest, and caring was just that, a hope. Hopes don't always come to be for everybody, especially me it seemed. Hope was only there to badger us towards a goal that never was going to be.
Every time that the thunder clapped, I felt as if that the world was laughing at me. Laughing at me for ever going on this sick idea of a "date." Laughing at me for ever thinking I had a chance. Laughing at me for being so stupid. I had heard all the warnings of the popular. I knew what could have happened, and it did. It all just crushed me. I wished that this moment never happened.
After my tears wouldn't come out anymore was when I started to walk. I walked out the parking lot. I walked past downtown. I walked by what seemed hundred of houses. I was passed by I don't know how many cars. All of it was just mocking me. Showing me how lonely I was and probably always was going to be.
After walking in the insufferable rain, passing merciless people in their homes, I had somehow arrived at my house. I stood at the door, just looking up into the sky. I stayed there for a little bit. It wouldn't matter if I was inside or outside after all. With a sigh, I opened the door after fumbling for my keys. The door creaked fully open. Lightning flared behind me, silhouetting me and expanding my shadow into the stillness inside. I closed the door and walked up to my room. I took off my drenched clothes, throwing them on the floor, and got into my bed.
I knew from within my room that my mom had gone to work. There was no one to run to. I had just about given up hope, and when I did, I had somehow fallen to sleep. Sleep not meant for resting, only meant to bring you distress.
That was when I first had the dream as well. It plagued my mind and wouldn't let go of me. I woke up many times during the night. I eventually just gave up and stayed up.
The next day came slower than anything. I saw my wall turn from dark blue to rose and bright yellow. Morning was finally here. I hadn't moved. Did girls feel this way when they were abandoned?
I went to my bathroom and took a shower. I stood under the water as it fell, and let my thoughts float away. I just lost myself. I didn't move a bit until the really cold water spooked me from my reverie. I quickly jumped out of the shower and dried myself. I didn't even bother doing anything else. What was the use?
I dragged myself to my bed and got under the covers. I stayed like that for the rest of the day.
Sunday whisper by without my noticing. I didn't eat for those days. A couple of times, I got up to get the phone to call Cris. I wanted to scream, punch, kick, HURT, and do something to him to make him feel the way I was. I wanted him to know what I was thinking. How can he be such a bitch!? Fuck him! FUCK HIM! Of course, every attempt ended with me crying with the phone receiver clutched in my hands on the floor. I don't know how I was going to be able to see him during school now.
Monday crawled slowly into my existence. My mother came into my room and woke me up.
"Come on sweetie. It's time to go to school. If you don't hurry, you're going to be late," she said as she shook me. I slowly turned to my side, sighing with exasperation. I had just fallen asleep, and I felt like shit.
"Mom, I think I'm sick," I said softly. I laid my arm above my eyes to block out the light crashing into my eyes.
"Now, don't be faking this just because you don't want to go to school. Let me check you. Let's seea€¦" She put her palm on my forehead to check for a fever, opened one of my eyes for who knows why, made me open my mouth and stick out my tongue, and lifted up my arm to check my pulse. She smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead.
"Come on now, you lazy bum. You know you're fine. Now get up, take a shower, eat a little breakfast, and get on your way." With that, she left my room. I raised my arm and looked at the closed door. I could just skip. I didn't have to go to school at all if I really didn't want to. I could just go to the park or something. No, I would get caught. I know it. I guess there is no dodging it.
I went and did what I had to and left my house. The day was going to be great. There was hardly a cloud in the sky and there was a cheerful little breeze. I just wished that the world could feel what I was feeling then. It would be hell with the tons of hyper-tornados destroying every piece of shit we loved. I was deep in thought when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw that it was Blake.
"Hey there buddy! What's U," he stopped suddenly when looked into my face. "What happened to you? You look like, excuse me for the lack of a better word, like shit." That made me chuckle.
"Well, guess what, I do feel like shit." With that, I turned on my heel and started once again to school. Blake quickly caught up and patted my shoulder.
"Now I guess I see why you didn't call me on Saturday." I stopped then. Shit! I had totally forgotten about our plans. That really made me feel much worse.
"Blake, I'm sorrya€¦" I said softly, looking at the ground. "I wasn't feeling good at all this whole weekenda€¦"
"Aw, that's ok. No biggie. I got my room done like I said. Now you really have to come over and see it." He was looking into my face, smiling, trying his hardest to get me happy or take my mind off of whatever was plaguing me. I couldn't help but give a little smile at that.
"Great! You can't get out of this, Ok?"
"Yeah, sure, Ok. I promise to come see your room."
"You bet your ass yes!" At that, Blake slapped my ass. What in the world?! Did he just slap my butt? Is this normal? I looked right at him. He had a huge smile and his eyes were shining bright. "Come on you, we need to hurry up." With that, he started to walk faster, making me play catch up.
Somehow, the first part of the day went by quicker than I thought it would. I was paranoid the whole time. I didn't want to bump into Cris or any of his cronies. I ran the whole time when I was in the hall, not even bothering to go to my locker. During class, I didn't hear anything. All I could think about was Friday night. It replayed over and over on an endless loop. There were times that I was glad that I sat in the back of class. No one could see my eyes filling with tears. All I had to do to hide was to lift my hands to hide my face.
The bell indicating it was lunch rang to my surprise. Berating your self for being dumb enough to fall for pranks really made the time fly by, well, at least at school. I basically crawled out of class and went to my locker for the first time today. I put my things away and was reaching for something when my locker door slammed into my arm. I let out a scream, immediately holding my arm. I looked up to see who had done this. I was shocked to see the 3 bitches standing there, smiling big and giggling. Who did these bitches think they are? The plastics? They don't run this school, and this won't go unpaid for.
"What the hell?!" I screamed.
"Exactly!" screamed the Queen Bee of the group. "Who the fuck said that you could go to the movies with Cris? You bitch!" She crossed her arms in front of herself, waiting for something. One of the others from the back came and pushed me against the lockers.
"We know what you want. You want a piece of him. Don't you?! " at that, she pushed me again. I looked at them, without saying a word. My anger was growing to unstable levels. It wasn't my idea to go with Cris to the movies in the first place. He asked me! I also had no intention of talking to him ever again.
"It's not lik," I was saying until the head girl cut me off.
"Shut the hell up! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit. You're craving him like fat bitches crave chocolate. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at our table. You're just jealous of us." I finally cut her off.
"No! You whore! Cris means nothi," I was shut up by a hard slap to the face. I slowly turned my gaze at her.
"Do NOT interrupt me when I'm talking to you. You're not going to be having any more of these `dates.' Your little gay fairy tale has come to an end." The other two girls were laughing and nodding their agreement.
"YOU BITCHES! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I screamed, finally hitting my limit. I charged straight at the main girl, only to be tripped and crash into a pile on the floor. Once again the head girl started to speak.
"Don't EVER think that you could lay a hand on us. You're sorely mistaken. You're weak! Girls, let's leave this trash." With that, they all kicked me once, spit on me, and strutted away. I looked up, clenching my fists, the anger exploding, but it all broke. I broke down. I finally could see that a crowd had gathered to see the whole thing. No one tried to help me, to see if I was Ok. No teachers even came out to help. No one cared.
I slowly got up from the ground, still crying, and punched the nearest locker. Those bitches were going to get it one of these days. I slowly walked down the hall, intent on just leaving school after the harassment. I walked past the cafeteria and down the hall towards the doors to freedom. I was almost there when someone stopped me. I turned, thinking it was the girls again, to find Blake. His face was full of sympathy, maybe even pity. I couldn't face him now. I pulled from his grasp, but he grabbed my hand to stop me.
"Mark, stop, look at me." I stopped then, reluctant to do that. I just looked to the doors.
"I just heard what the girls did to you." I cut him off.
"Are you here to rub it in my face?!" My voice was full of anger and disappointment.
"I could never do that! You were one of the first people to actually talk to me here. You were my first friend here." I looked up finally to look him in the face.
"You're part of them though. You're part of the popular kids now."
"That doesn't mean a thing! Can't you see that you are one of my true friends? They are just people who want some attention."
"That may be true, but why didn't you warn me that this was going to happen?" I said, barely above a whisper.
"What thing? Do you mean what the girls did? I didn't know that they were going to go all psycho bitch on you. I swear!"
"Not that. I mean about what happened with Cris."
"What thing? I don't know anything about this. What happened?" He looked at me in the eyes. They were asking for their friend to be happy again.
"Nothing. Nothing happened with him. I just need some space right now. I can't handle this right now." He came towards me with outstretched arms, but I just put one arm up to block him and started to head towards the doors again.
"Marka€¦ Mark! Hey! I want to hela€¦" he said to me, but I didn't hear the end because I was finally out and free. Blake didn't go after me. I just walked out and started on home. If I had looked back, I would've seen him looking at me with a smirk on his face.
Somehow, night once again turned into day. The world went on blissfully as I laid in bed. I argued with my mom that morning that I didn't want to go to school. I of course did not tell her about the girls kicking my ass. I didn't want to have to explain myself at the moment. I just didn't want to go. Alas, she couldn't see that I was hurt so deeply. Maybe she didn't want to see it. Maybe this was a way to make me stronger.
I slowly dragged myself to school. I knew that I was going to be late, but I didn't care. In a matter of fact, I already was late. Finally the world was a gloomy as me. It was one of those really stormy days. My scarf flapped about me as the wind was pushing me in the direction of my school. Who knew what my hair looked like. I could feel it swishing about. About thirty minutes later, I finally got to school. I went to my locker, and headed to the bathroom. I wanted to wait there until first period ended. I didn't want to deal with the teacher.
I entered the bathroom and went to a sink. I looked into the mirror and couldn't help but criticize myself. I'm ugly. My auburn hair is all over the place. My clothes looked like I chose them with a blindfold on. No wonder no one ever comes up to mea€¦ My thought was broken when someone entered the bathroom. You wouldn't guess who came in. Well, actually, you could. It was no one other than Cris himself. I quickly stiffened. I didn't know what to do. Should I run out? Run into a stall? Faint? Go into a killing rage? Before I knew it, he was standing directly behind me. I just kind of froze. I stayed there looking down, hardly even breathing. He got a little closer, and I could feel his breath on me.
"Mark, I didn't expect to see ya here," he said softly. He sounded if he wanted me to say something back to him, but I wasn't going to start because I knew I would break down if I did. After a minute, he spoke again. "You know, I'm very sorry about what happened on Friday night." I couldn't believe that.
"You're lying!" I shouted. He put a hand on one of my shoulders, and I quickly shrugged it off.
"I'm not. I swear. The others made me do it!"
"Whatever! What a bunch of bullshit." I pushed him aside to leave the bathroom. The wrath of my first period teacher would be better than being here with this ass hole. I started walking but was stopped. Cris had my hand in his and had tears in his eyes.
"I'm tellin' the truth Mark. The others chose ya as their next pet project. They told me it was my turn. They know my secret, Mark. I know that if I didn't do what they said, they would have told the whole school. I can't have thata€¦" I didn't know what to think. What the hell? Is this the truth? He continued. "Mark, I'm gay." I looked up at that. Tears were coming out of his eyes, and I couldn't be the bad guy now with this. "Also, Ia€¦like ya."
"Then why did you have to leave me? It made me feel like a piece of shit."
"I didn't want to I swear. The girls had come and dragged me away with them. I was goin' to go back to yas." At that, the door began to the bathroom began to open. Cris panicked and dragged me into a stall. I was squished against Cris face to face. I held my breath, and I knew I was starting to blush from such close contact. Even though he was a two-faced jerk, he was still really cute. He looked into my eyes and once again, everything seemed to banish. It was only me and him. He slowly moved his face towards mine. I started to move mine towards his, but I was suddenly pulled from that world when I heard a toilet flush. I had to get out of there. This kind of stuff is what the popular wanted.
"I can't do this Cris! I can't trust youa€¦ bye." I ran out of the stall and into the hall. Thankfully, the bell rang just then, so I lost myself in the crowd. Through the rest of the day, I couldn't help but think of what Cris said. Was it true? Did the other popular want to hurt me so bad? Why me? I didn't do anything to them! It was probably those 3 bitches from hell that came up with the idea. I bet you anything that it was. They are just a bunch of whores.
The day was slow as molasses compared to yesterday. Somehow the end of the day came. I was exhausted mentally beyond belief. I had been thinking on what to do. I was really confused. What the fuck!?
I left the building with hope on not bumping into anyone and being able to go home to just die for one more night. I had gone through the crowd without any problem. I was a few blocks away from school when I heard foot steps behind me. I looked and saw that it was Blake. He was smiling and waving when he saw that I saw him. He quickly caught up to me. He bumped into me and giggled.
"Hey there buddy! Are you Ok now?"
"I'ma€¦ Oka€¦ yeah."
"You don't sound Oka€¦ Are you sure?"
"Yeaha€¦ I have a question."
"Yeah, what is it?" he asked. I stopped at that. He took a step further and then turned around.
"Did you know what was going to happen to me? I would just like the trutha€¦" I trailed off.
"What do you mean? What happened to you? Did something big happen? What?" I looked up, and he looked concerned.
"On Friday, I went with Cris to dinner and a movie. The thing is that he left me high and drya€¦"
"What?! You went on a date with Cris Kurosaki?!" I looked down.
"I-I don't know what it wasa€¦" Blake then suddenly hugged me. Still holding me, he looked into my face.
"I knew I was hearing something from the other group I sit with about you. I just didn't know they would go through with ita€¦" I quickly separated from.
"So you did know what was going to happen to mea€¦" This was almost as bad as Cris. I got out of his arms quickly after that. This was traitor like. How could he not tell me?
"But I didn't even know that they were talking about you though! It's not my fault! I swear!" I didn't know what to think. He was brand new, so he couldn't have been in the whole shebang the whole time, or could he? "Come on Mark, trust in me! I have done nothing more than be a friend to you since day one."
"That's truea€¦ We'll seea€¦" I started walking again with Blake next to me. He put his around shoulders around me. It was nice, if it was true that he had nothing to do with all the drama, to have someone to walk like this with.
"I have some plans for us. First thing on the list, you coming and see my rooma€¦" He said with a smirk and a know looka€¦
Author's Note: Hey everyone! The never before seen Alone Extension 5 is finally here! Hope everyone likes it. I am surprised with what happened in this chapter to say the least. I REALLY loved all the e-mails that I received. You have all made me really happy. I know now that I am doing something at least somewhat good. I would, of course, get more feed back from you all. If you would like to give me any kind of feedback, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you would like to read other stories by me, please go to my site, www.fictionpress.com/~alexboi